The Spellbook
by Ander Arias
Summary: Meg gets a spellbook for her 18th birthday, but she is unaware of the dangers that may unleash. Meg/OC, Brian/Jillian. Read&Review, please!
1. Prologue

Hello everybody. This is my first attempt to write a fanfic in English (I usually write in Spanish) so sorry again if I don't use correctly the enlgish. Anyway, I hope you all enjoy this story. Reviews are appreciated.

Oh, and I don't own Family guy and bla bla…

* * *

**Chapter 1: Prologue**

"_Dear diary"_ wrote Meg on her diary _"As every other day in my life, this day sucked. Classes were boring, Connie picked on me again, and there's no guy in school that is interested in me…well, except Neil, of course. I had to take different paths to getting home if I want to avoid him. I'm that ugly that no NORMAL guy in the school that finds me attractive? _

_Today the principal announced that a new guy will come the next week. I hope he's cute, and intelligent, and funny, and…oh, why I'm thinking how he could be, if he surely will be more interested in a blonde skank like Connie, rather than a short and chubby girl like me._

_Tomorrow is my birthday, and finally I will be 18. Maybe dad will use that for kicking me from home; now that I am legally an adult…It won't be the first time. At least mom remembered my birthday (I saw her buying party stuff, I guess it's for my party) . I hope this birthday will be better than the previous one, with balloons and other childish stuff, and in the end, dad disguised as a clown falling over grandpa Francis and killing him…sometimes I wonder why I cannot have a normal life like everybody…"_

Meg stopped writing, closed her diary, and sighed.

Lois was doing her housework just as every day, when Peter arrives at home.

"Hello, honey" said Lois as she kissed him. "How was your day?"

"Exausting" said Peter "after days trying, I was about to win a solitaire, when Angela told me to get back to work! That stupid bitch!" said angrily

"Oh, yes" said Brian, who was watching TV "Interrupt your game that you were playing when you were supposed to be working was very mean"

"It was!" sobbed Peter.

"Anyway, I hope you didn't forget about tomorrow" said Lois

"About…tomorrow?" Asked as he stared at her blankly

"Peter, don't you remember what day will be tomorrow?" Asked Lois in disgust.

"Our anniversary?"

"…"

"your parents anniversary?"

"…"

"The day I picked Brian from the streets?"

"HEY!" shouted Brian, pissed "We promised to never speak but of that day, rememeber?"

"Peter, tomorrow is Meg's Birthday!" said Lois excited "Tomorrow Meg will be 18, and our little girl will be finally a woman" remarked Lois.

"Yes" said Peter happily "Tomorrow I will be able to throw Meg out of house without legal consequences"

Lois shot Peter an angry glare.

"Ok, ok, it was a joke!" said Peter quickly "you've got less sense of humor than Terminator's mother-in-law"

**Cutaway**

Terminator and his wife, who is some random woman, are at a restaurant having a dinner with her parents.

" So, tell me, Rachel, what is your husband's job?"

" Um…he…well…he protects people from evil machines come from the future."

Rachel's mother look at her angrily.

"He could save people form being muggled by Bender! You know, Bender, the robot from futurama ?" said as he laughed nervously.

"Are you serious?" said more angry as she raised an eyebrow.

Suddenly, terminator pulls out a shotgun, and shots Rachel's mother right in the forehead. Everybody else in the restaurant seems like nothing happened

"Hey, free money!" said Bender, who apeared from nowhere and looted all of her jewels and her purse.

"Are you going to eat her?" asked a very fat man sit in a near table. Yes, is that fat man that Patrick almost killed.

**End cutaway**

"So, you didn't buy Meg a present, did you?" asked Lois a bit angry.

"…"

"Don't you remember this morning I gave you money to buy her gift?"

"Uhh, yes! Of course I bought Meg her present" lied Peter "What kind of father would be if I forgot the birthday of my children?"

"Do you realy want me to answer that?" asked Brian dryly.

"OK, then tell me where it is" asked Lois.

"Well, it isn't here,…it's…um… I ordered it on the Internet… and it will be here tomorrow! Yes, that's it!"

Lois raised an eyebrow, as she stared at him.

"What? It's true!"

"Ok, ok…" said Lois, still unconvinced

"Well, I'm going to he Clam! Bye!" said Peter as he quickly leaves.

"Wow Lois, you remembered Meg's birthday AND how old is she! What meds are you taking?" asked Brian sarcastically.

"What was that for?" she said pissed.

"Let's face it, when it comes to Meg, you haven't been a model mother at all"

"That's not true!" replied Lois "I know that I could be better towards Meg, but…"

"Are you sure you remember Meg's birthday for being the day your first children and only daughter was born, and not the day that Francis died?"

"What? That's ridiculous! I admit that we don't get along well, mainly because he was a religious-obsessive bastard that treated me like crap and I'm happy that he's finally dead and…oh my God ,I'm a horrible person" cryed Lois

"Indeed, but at least, you did remmember Meg's birthday and Peter didn't"

"No, he said he ordered Meg's present"

Brian then sighed.

At the Drunken Clam, Peter, Cleveland, Quagmire and Joe are chatting and having a few drinks.

"What I'm goig to do?" said Peter, downed "Tomorrow is Meg's birthday and I already said Lois that I bought a gift for her. And all stores are closed! What I'm going to do?" said again as he drink form his beer.

"Well, if she's 18 now, she can use weapons. Maybe I could "borrow" one for you form the Police Station." suggested Joe.

"Wait, Meg's now 18?" asked Quagmire very loudly.

"Thanks, Joe, but I don't think Lois'd be happy with Meg having a gun"

"Because guns are dangerous, mostly in hands of confused teenagers?" asked Clevelad.

"Of course not! 'cause women doesn't like guns. They only like dresses, cosmetics and cooking stuff, you know, girlish crap" said Peter.

"Hey, I know a store where you could buy Meg a present. It's never closed, and you may find there something good for her. That store sells lots of things!" said Quagmire

"And what do you buy there?" asked Peter.

"…"

**Flashback**

Quagmire is in a bar, when she approaches to a good looking woman.

"Hi there, pretty lady! Do you want to sniff my flower?" asked Quagmire hotly.

The woman the slaps Quagmire pretty hard.

"Hey, I was referring to THIS flower!" said as he showed the woman a rose in his suit.

"Oh, sorry" said the woman, as she aproaches her head to Quagmire's strange flower "it smells like roses or…?" said before she fall unconscious to Quagmire's arms.

"Hehe, I love gardening!"

**End Flashback**

"Well, that's better than nothing. Where's that store?"

Meanwhile, at the Griffin house, everybody is in the kitchen and, Lois is making dinner. She notices that Peter's not at home yet.

"Where's Peter? He usually don't spend much time in the Clam." said Lois a bit worryed, looking through the window.

"Maybe he's trying to find a present for Meg" said Brian.

"Come on, Brian, I don't think that Peter lied me when he said he had the present ordered"

"Anything will be better than _that _present that Brian gave Lois on Christmas, you know what I'm referring, dog? You know, that dead bird you carried from the street…haha, that was just… I mean, Lois' face when she opened the box…" said Stewie between laughs.

"Well, if it's another exploding watermelon, I don't want it" said Meg dryly.

"Come on Meg, you're father isn't that bad to you. I know he's sometimos a bit…joker, but I'm sure he has prepared a good present for you"

"_At least, ONE of my parents remembered my birthday"_ though Meg. She then though if Peter was really buying her a gift or getting ready another way to make fun of her…

Meanwhile, in another side of Quahog, Peter is in the shop that Quagmire recommended. He stared at the shop's neon: it can be red 'The Crow: exotic articles'.

"Hello?" asked Peter as he entered in the store. It was full of extrange ítems; like human organs in jars, different kina of bottles, books, and witchery ítems.

"welcome to my realm of DARKNESSS" shouted a voice behind Peter, as a loud thunder was heard.

Peter then gasped and saw the origin of the voice: a short old man, dressed with a black robe that covered all of his body. He was bald, with a few grey hai in his head, very big black eyes and there were only a few teeth on his mouth. "What can I do for you, gentleman?" asked the man, who appeared to be the shop's clerk.

"Hehehehehehe, you are short" laughed stupidly Peter as he pointed the clerk.

The old man rolled his eyes and sighed.

"Well, what do you bring here?" asked again the clerk.

"Ummm…tomorrow is my daughter's birthday, and I forgot to buy her a present, and every other store is closed, so, I though if **you** could…"

"Of course! I have plenty of articles perfect for a girl in my hallways of EVIL!!" laughed as another thunder was heard.

"Why every time you shout a word like that, a thunder is heard?" asked Peter.

"I don't know, is this place, that reacts with thunders when somebody shouts words like evil, darkness, doom…"

"Let me prove it" said Peter giggling "DOOM, EVIL, HELL, DARKNESS, DISNEY!!" shouted Peter. Then five thunders could be heard.

"You said that you were searching a gift for your daughter, weren't you?" asked the man.

"Yes"

"Well, maybe this should like her" said the man as he carried back a big leather bound book. "it's a spellbook from a true witch who was burnt in Salem. Only 9.90!! It's full of spells and curses, and it's said that can even open the gates of HELL!! " Shouted as another thunder sounded.

"OK, deal, could you wrap it"

"Of course" said the man "You want normal wrapping or a INFERNAL WRAPPING?!" shouted again, and his shout was followes by another thunder.

"Could you stop doing that?" asked Peter, a bit annoyed.

**End of PROLOGUE**


	2. Happy Birthday

**Chapter 2: Happy Birthday**

"Hey, sweetie, wake up" said Lois softly, who was sited in Meg's bed.

Meg started to stir around the bed. As she opened her eyes, she saw her mother watching her, smiling.

"Mom…what the…?" asked Meg while awaking

"Happy Birthday!" said her mother very enthusiast, hugging Meg, kissing her in the forehead and the cheeks. "Look at you, you're now 18. " said Lois proudly. She couldn't even bear the fact that one of his little children was now an adult.

"Thanks, mom" said as she smiled, giving back the hug.

"And wait to see the party I've planned - and no, I didn't let Peter to take any part on it. No balloons, no childish stuff, and definitely no drunken clowns. I know that last year's party didn't like you very much" said Lois.

"It's a relief to hear that" said Meg, who still had in mind the awful party Peter had planned for her previous birthday.

"Well, I'm going to make breakfast, so get dressed" said Lois while leaving Meg's room.

Lois then went to the living room, and there were Peter, Chris, Stewie and Brian doing thir favourite hobby: watching TV.

"Hey, Peter, I need you to help me to get Meg's party ready" said Lois.

"Ow, Lois, it's Saturday! This day it's supposed for watch TV and do nothing! Why can't you do it by yourself?" complained Peter, acting dramatically like he was forced to do an exausting job.

"Peter, please, yesterday I was in four different shops buying all the food and drinks, and sending the party invitations while you were in the Clam with your friends!!" Lois said angrily. Sometimes she wondered why she married to such a lazy and fat guy.

"Come on, Lois, now I'm watching pressing catch. It's a fight for the WWE title!!" said Peter, emphasizing his disgust about working on his not-so-loved daughter's party.

"Peter, do you know that all fights in that show are fake, don't you?" asked Brian.

"Are you nuts? Look better. That's a true combat"

**Cutaway to TV**

John Cena is fighting for the WWE title against an opponent that has never faced before…yes you're right, it's the cookie monster.

"COOKIES!!" shouted the cookie monster as he delivered on Cena a suplex.

"Wow, it seems that John Cena will be unable to retain his title" said one of the commentators.

"Yea, I never saw such a bloody fight in all my years here" said the other one "Look, the cookie monster it's going to make his finisher, 'The Doom cookie'!!" shouted in excitement.

But before the cookie monster could deliver his finisher, Cena reacts and pulls him out a FU, and a STFU, winning the match.

"And John Cena wins again!! Nobody would expect that!!"

**End Cutaway**

(A/N: No offenses to pressing catch fans, BTW I'm one too)

"Peter, please, I'm VERY tired, I need you" begged Lois, who was aldo tired form the excuses of her husband. Sometimes he could get her mad with his lazyness.

"Oooookay" said Peter tediously, as he raised from the couch, trning on the TV "I don't know how do you manage to make me do ALL the work in house"

Then Peter and Lois leave the room. Meg then walks in.

"Hello everybody" said Meg happily. Her smile reflected the special day it was, at least for her.

"Oh, look who's here, the birthday mare!" said Stewie.

"Happy birthday, Meg" said Chris.

"Thanks, Chris"

"I was going to give you for present a picture of you, but the evil monkey stole it" sais Chris sadly.

"The 'evil monkey'…yes" said Brian dryly.

"But don't worry. I've got another present. I will make an awesome act for your party: I will spit fire like that guy in Jackass!"

"Spit fire? Isn't that a bit dangerous?" asked Meg, raising an eyebrow. His brother usually had stupid ideas, but this one was stupid and dangerous. And not only dangerous for Chris.

"No, it's totally safe, look" said as he carried a torch and a bottle of pure alcohol and drank of it. Then he stares there looking them blankly. He drops the torch, which was poorly lit, thanks to god.

"Chris?"

"Call an ambulance" Chris said before running away, screaming in pain.

"Yeah, an awesome performance" laughed Stewie "It was better that the time the Fatman tried a magic trick"

**Flashback**

Peter is dressed as a mage, acting in the Clam.

"Ladies an gentlemen, now I'll make a trick that will astonish David Copperfield himself. "said as he showed a hat and a rabbit "As you see, I put this rabbit in the hat I flick with my wand three times and… Oh crap, I chose the wrong hat!!" said as from the hat started to spawn the hideous Rayman Raving Rabbit rabbits, and started to attack and bite people, and to turn upside down the place.

**End Flashback**

"And how about you Brian? Are you going to give her another hunting trophy? HAHA!! By saying hunting trophy I meant another dead bird or rat, as the one you gave to Lois. I'm so funny!" mocked Stewie again, self pleasured with his joke.

Brian gave the baby a cold glare, but that only make Stewie happier. He loved to work up that dog.

Hours later, in he aternoon, they all were celebrating Meg's birthday. To the party were invited Meg's school friends, the neighbours and the whole Griffin family. They were drinking and chatting, when Lois tells them that it was time for Meg to open her presents.

"I hope you like it, Meg. It cost me a lot" said Quagmire, who handed her a wide wrapped box.

Meg opened it and there were a black leather dominatrix clothes, a whip and handcuffs. She stared at that strange gift for almost a minute. Then she raised her head, an looked to her pervert neighbour with confused eyes, trying to guess what that weird present meant. Quagmire smiled happily and winked her.

"Um…pretty…cool…present" muttered Lois "I will keep it for you!" said as she carried the present upstairs, running.

"This is mine" said Brian, who handed Meg a big box "AND NO!! IT ISN'T A DEAD ANIMAL!! Shouted as he looked Stewie, who was about to say something.

Meg opened it, and to her surprise, she saw an authentic Prada purse.

"Oh, Brian! Thanks a lot!" shouted Meg very excited, hugged Brian and give him a kiss. The dog smiled nervously, remmembering the obsession Meg had with him after the High School dance.

"Wow, you received a kiss form that fat-ass cow without throwing out!" remarked Stewie.

"How did you get one? Those bags are very expensive" asked Meg, interested.

"Well, let's say it I have my methods" said Brian.

**Flashback**

An old rich-looking woman who was carrying a Prada purse walks by the street when Brian suddenly approaches her running.

"WATCH OUT" shouted Brian "There's a mouse in your bag!!" said pointing the lady's purse.

"What?"

The old lady looked inside her purse, and indeed, there was a mouse.

(Here goes Mikey Mouse's stupid laugh)

"AHHHH" screamed the woman before dropping her purse and start running. Brian then picks the bag.

"Perfect. Thanks for the help, Mickey" said Brian, as he gave him a bunch of 10 dollar bills.

"Anytime. Now I must go back to Disneyland before Michael Eisner discovers that I'm not there and then tries to…do me bad things"

**End Flashback**

"Here you are Meg, this is form daddy" said Peter gigling like a child "I hope you like it".

Meg stares at the big wrapped box for a few seconds, then looked at Peter. Even in her birthday, she learned over the years to NEVER trust in a present given by her father. She still had in mind that expoding watremelon, amng other disusting jokes.

"I hope this isn't another of your so-called jokes. I bet that when I unwrap it,it will explode" said Meg.

"No, nothing that explodes, I promise" said Peter, surprisingly atonished of the lack of trust his daughter had in him.

"Are there poisonous snakes?" asked Meg

"No"

"Worms?"

"No"

"Rats?"

"An Uwe Boll DVD collection?"

"JUST OPEN THE DAMN PRESENT" shouted Peter.

"OK, ok…"

Meg opened the box, expecting being some disgusting prank, like the infamous watermelon, or being bit by a rabid rodent, but surprisingly, the box didn't explode, or had any nasty trick. Inside the box was an old leather bound book.

"Um, thanks dad" muttered Meg, lookin at the book. It was a weirder gift than Quagmire's dominatrix lingerie, but at least, it didn't explode.

"_This isn't the kind of present someone would expect, but at least, this is the first gift that dad makes me that is NOT part of a joke"_ Though Meg.

Meg opened the book, and a cloud of dust came from the crusty pages. Meg coughed a little, while trying to remove the dust waving with her hand.

"For your sake, I hope this is dust and not Anthrax" said Meg, thinking in that posibility.

"Anthrax hidden in books" said Stewie to himself "That's brilliant! I must remember that when I'm going to kill the UN chairmen"

"What's that?" asked Lois.

"It seems to be a spell book" said Meg, while passing the pages, and reading some of the spells. "Do you think it will be a real one?" Meg asked, a bit touched whe she though that.

"Let me see that" asked Brian, and Meg handed him the book, and the dog sarted to pass the pags "Hey, this is very old. I would say that this is from the 17th century! Peter, how much you paid for it?"

"Only 9.90" said Peter.

"9.90?!" asked Lois in disbelief.

"Yes, it was a bargain, wasn't it?" aid Peter, proud of his 'ability' to find always the best price. However, he always find the best prie for the saleman, not for him. This time was an exception.

"I GAVE YOU 100 DOLLARS TO BUY MEG A PRESENT!!" shouted Lois angrily "What the hell did you with the rest of the money?"

"I rent a WWII airplane" said Peter.

**Flashback**

"All hail to the Peterstroyer!!" shouted Peter, who wasdressed as some kind of military commander while he was piloting an old and crusty airplane, with Peter's face painted in the frontal part.

But, as all other Peter's flying machines, it ended crashing over Joe's house.

"PETER!! I'M TIRED OF YOUR FKING FLYING CRAP!!" said Joe before start chasing Peter, shooting him.

**End Flashback**

"Anyway, I think this book is pretty valuable!" said Brian.

"It's valuable…for someone who wants a horrible and cruel death" said Seamus in his creepy voice, who walked from the shadows.

"Seamus?" asked Lois.

"What the hell is that guy doing in my party?" asked Meg, a bit annoyed.

"I invited him. I mean, look at him, he looks like a circus freak, and a circus freak is very amusing!! Don't you like circus freaks, Meg?" asked Peter.

Both Meg and Seamus rolled their eyes.

"That book will only bring tragedies and doom! You must ditch that book! It's cursed!" said as his eyes opened wide, and the camera zoomed his face.

"Is there anything that isn't cursed for you?" asked Brian.

"Honestly? Nope. But as I was saying, that book contains a power that is not suitable for normal humans. You must get rid off that thing before it's too late!" said Seamus as he was predicting sme kind of apocalypse.

"Don't be ridiculous. That thing isn't cursed. Magic doesn't exist" replied Lois.

"Yes 'Magic doesn't exist', which was what my friend Douglas said me few hours before his DEATH"

"Wha…what happened to him?" asked Peter in fear.

"He had tickets for a David Copperfield show, but he went too late, and there wasn't room for parking near the theatre, so he went to a dangerous street, and indeed, there was room enough, but then, when he returned form the show…HIS CAR RADIO WAS STOLEN…oh, and he slipped in a puddle and the fall killed him" said as he has related an Terror story.

"…"

"What I'm trying to say is that it's dangerous to play with supernatural forces!! Don't you remember the Rayman Raving Rabbits trick that Peter did last week?" asked Seamus, still wit the same advising tone.

"I still think that's only an old book" said Lois.

"OK, I see that you choose to keep that cursed thing. Well, I advised you! Don't cry when death comes here to take you souls!" said before leaving.

"Hey! I received an invitation!" Complained Death, who was eating a piece of cake.

"Did you invite Death too? DEATH!?" asked Meg, now angry.

"Well, death has spend a lot of time with us, and we lived together many adventures, it would be impoliteness not invite him" said Peter.

"I must said that Peter this time has got a point there" said Lois.

"I think Seamus is partially right, remember when Peter unburied that skull, what happened to the house?" said Brian, remmembering the poltergeist incident, whom forced the family to leave ther home.

"So, dad's gift is potentially dangerous. Why I'm not surprised?" said Meg, even more angry, trying to look to another side.

"I didn't say that. I said that you should be careful with it" remarked Brian.

"Come on, it's only a book, not a weapon" said Lois.

"Well, sometimes books are dangerous as weapons" said Peter.

**Flashback**

Peter is watching in TV a documentary about the Theory of Evolution.

"And why is this book dangerous for us? Let see it" said a priest.

Then, the screen changed to a man who was about to read the book of evolution. Then, a giant mantis come outside the book and devours him.

"AHHH!!" shouts Peter.

"See? Evolution is EVIL!"

**End flashback**

(A/N: No offense to evolution supporters/attackers, I though it was funny)

Then Chris comes downstairs.

"Why somebody hasn't called an ambulance yet?" asked before falling unconscious.


	3. The first spells

**Chapter 3: The first spell**

Several days passed from Meg's birthday. She was happy with the party her mother had planned, and she liked all the presents her neighbours and friends gave her. But, the present that Meg enjoyed most was, surprisingly, his father's gift, that old spell book. Unknowing if it was a true magical book or a simply dusty relic, she enjoyed a lot reading it. That book contained a lot of spells, with different uses: charming and seduction, cursing, changing the weather, summoning spirits from dead people, even notes from the previous owners of the book…but, although the amazement she felt by the book, Meg still doesn't dare to use it. Now she was lying in her bed, reading the spell book, when Lois entered in her room.

"Meg, sweetheart, get up, breakfast is ready" said Lois. "Come on, leave that book. You can read it after school"

"But it's so amazing!" answered Meg excited. "Wow, I can believe I just said something like that about a dad's gift"

"Meg, I don't want you to be so obsessed with witchery. That's not suitable for girls like you" said Lois a bit worried.

"Why? You said that things like magic don't exist. Besides, you're who's always saying that we should read more" replied Meg, as she passed another page of the book. "Did you know that there was a witch in the Griffin Family?"

**Flashback**

Somewhere in the XVII century, we see Greta Griffin, a witch, who, like all the Griffin ancestors, and in spite of being a woman, looks exactly like Peter. Like a long haired, big breasted Peter. She was in a cave with other witches, planning something to do.

"Come on girls! It's time to kidnap some children for dinner!" shouted enthusiast as she mounted in a flying broom, heading to a nearby town, followed by the rest of the coven. Oh, and by the way, she has also Peter's voice.

However, she's so fat that the broom cannot support her weigh, and ends crashing on a tree, and failing on the ground.

"SHHHH…AHHHHH… SHHHH…AHHHHH… SHHHH…AHHHHH…" said while rubbing her harmed ankle.

**End Flashback**

"Anyway, hurry up and get dressed, I don't want you to be late for school" said Lois before leaving her daughter's room.

Meanwhile, down in the kitchen, the rest of the family is having breakfast. Well, everybody except Chris, who was still in pain for drinking pure alcohol.

"Hey, Chris, you didn't eat a single toast, are you now anorexic?" said Peter, looking at his son.

"My stomach burns…it's like having a barbeque inside my body" cried Chris, while rubbing his wide paunch.

"I wouldn't be surprised if you said it literally" commented Stewie.

"I will never drink alcohol again" said Chris.

"Hehehehe…If you knew how many times I said that to Lois…" laughed Peter in a cheered tone.

Then Lois enters in the kitchen, and notices that Chris is still in pain.

"Chris, do you feel better?" asked Lois.

"No…my stomach hurts…I think I should stay in home…" said, almost crying.

"Ok. Go up to your room. I will make you an infusion" said Lois.

Then Chris walks out of the kitchen and goes upstairs, but in the door of his room was the Evil Monkey, who pointed him while keeping an angry glare, showing his teeth to an scared Chris. Suddenly, Chris enters again in the kitchen.

"Mom, I think I feel better so I will go to school!" shouted, forcing a smile, while restraining his pain.

"Really? I'm glad to hear it" said Lois happily, totally oblivious of the true reason of Chris 'health'.

Hours later, in the afternoon, Peter has come back form work and is sat with Lois, Stewie and Brian in the couch watching TV.

**Cutaway to TV**

"In today's news, WWE superstar and Sesame Street Muppet, the cookie monster, has been interned in a rehab clinic again" said Tom.

In the top left of the screen there was a cookie monster photo, eating cookies as there's no tomorrow, looking to the camera with bloodshot eyes.

"That's right Tom, due to his insane addiction to cookies, the cookie monster was retired form both shows. And now we go to our Asian reporter Tricia Takanawa, who is now in the clinic" Continued Diane.

"Thank you" said Tricia, in her typical monochord voice "As you can see, behind me is the room where the blue haired monster is. They ld me they are testing a Shock Therapy on him, in a hopless attempt to cure of him addiction. Maybe this-" said before the cookie monster burst form the room, with his blue fur covered in blood, attacking Tricia viciously.

"Help! HELP!!" shouted the Asian woman while the monster devoured her organs.

"COOKIES!!" shouted the crazed Muppet.

"Thank you, Tricia" said Diane nonchalantly, as if nothing happened.

"And now, Ollie Williams with the weather, Ollie?" said Tom.

"BAD WEATHER FOR ALL THE WEEK!!" shouted Ollie quickly.

"Thank you, Ollie. And now the sports" said Diane.

**End Cutaway**

Suddenly, Meg bursts in the house crying, with her hair messed up, her body covered with hits and wounds, and her clothes partially ripped.

"Meg! What the hell happened to you!?" asked Lois astonished of the way her daughter came home.

"Connie, that stupid whore again!" shouted Meg "I told the math teacher that Connie and her friends stole the next week tests, and they got punished, but while leaving school they were waiting for me and they beat me up!" sobbed Meg.

"Oww, my poor little girl…" said Lois, while hugging her.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa….WHOA! Lois have you ever noticed that Stewie's head is shaped like a football?" asked Peter stupidly, while pointing Stewie, laughing and smiling.

"Mental note: kill the Fatman just after killing Lois" said Stewie.

"And why did you that?" asked Lois "I would expect something like that after telling on any class mate, even if is Connie"

"I just seized the opportunity to make his life more miserable just like SHE DOES EVERY DAY WITH ME!!" shouted Meg, angrily. The she run upstairs to her bedroom, while sobbing. The she had an idea.

"_Maybe it's time to see if that thing is magical or not"_ Though Meg while looking the spell book.

She opened it and started to pass the pages quickly, looking for a curse suitable for Connie.

"Let's see…burn her house down, no, too drastically…turning her into a frog, no, too fairy tale…aha! Bad luck curse!! This is what I need" said as she licked her lips with pleasure. The curse only lasted for a day, but it will be enough.

"Meg, honey, how do you – what are you doing?" asked Lois while walking into Meg's room, with a confused face, seeing what her daughter was doing.

"Don't you see? I'm using this to curse Connie" said Meg annoyed.

"Do you really think that that's a magical book? Come on Meg, I though you were smarter to believe in that crap" said Lois in disgust.

"Anyway, I don't have anything to lose by trying, do I?" answered Meg.

"Meg, I know that you're mad at Connie, but you cannot let your frustration take control of you and start doing stupid things like believing in magic!" whispered Lois, trying to calm her daughter.

"I _know_ this is magical" replied Meg. "I can feel it"

"OK" said Lois, in defeat, rolling her eyes. "If that thing is really magical, could you use it for making your father lose weigh?" said while laughing. "It's a hell trying to find trousers for somebody with his…ass size"

Then Lois left Meg's room.

For getting the curse ready, she needed one part of the victim's body. Luckily, in the fight, she could pull out a lock of Connie's hair, then she proceed with the ritual, that lied in put the hair inside the drawing of a black pentacle, between two black candles. She made also the spell that Lois requested, which was easier.

The very next day, Meg was at her biology class, expecting the results of her spell. She was glaring at Connie each five seconds, waiting to see if something happened. Connie noticed this.

"What are you looking, fat ass?" asked Connie, annoyed with Meg's glares "Are you now lesbian?"

Meg simply ignored that and stopped looking at Connie.

"Well, now I will give you the results of your last tests" announced the biology teacher.

"_Maybe mom's right. Oh, why I could think that relic is magical"_ Though, defeated.

"WHAT?" shouted Connie after seeing her test, who had an F "This…this must be wrong…I couldn't fail this!" complained Connie.

"No, there's nothing wrong, Mrs. D'Amico. You should study more instead of stealing exams" answered the teacher.

Meg couldn't do nothing but smile. Was that the effect of her curse, or was just a coincidence? Then remembered that Connie usually had high grades in biology.

Then somebody knocked the door. The teacher opened it, and after seeing who it was, turned back to the class.

"Listen everybody, since today we will have a new student in class, so I want you all to welcome Matthew Kennedy" announced the teacher.

At that moment, the so called Matthew entered in the room. He was a good looking boy, with short brown hair, a sleeveless black shirt, short blue jeans and black sneakers.

"Ummm…hi everybody" said shyly. Then he took a seat near a window.

"_wow, he's so…so…" _though Meg, while looking at him, as she was prey of some kind of charm.

Moments later, Meg was with her friends in the school's canteen, talking, of course, about the new guy. He was eating alone.

"Whoa, look at the new guy" said one of her friends "he's so hot!"

"No doubt about it" answered another one, an African American girl "Look at him, so lonely…"

"Yes, I think one of us should go there to keep him company" said the blonde one.

"Uh, oh" said Meg "I think that somebody is way ahead of us" said Meg, as she pointed Connie, who was heading to Matthew's table, grinning.

But, surprisingly, before reaching Matthew's table, Connie slipped with a banana peel, and fell to the floor in a very comical way. Then everybody started to laugh at her, even her friends. Connie just ran out of the canteen, totally embarrassed, fighting back the tears.

"_Once maybe is coincidence, but twice…"_ Though Meg.

Moments later, Meg was in the almost empty hall, putting her things into her backpack, ready to go home, when she noticed Matthew doing the same. She then saw her chance.

"Hi" said Meg, a bit shy "You're Matthew, right?"

"Yes, but you can call me Matt. I came here from Minnesota a few days ago" answered "Nice to meet you…ummm…"

"Meg, Meg Griffin" said, as she blushed a little.

"Wait, you're Meg Griffin?" asked in disbelief.

"Do you know me?" asked Meg, a bit surprised.

"Meg Griffin the singer?"

"Oh, _that_…yes, I am" said Meg.

"Whoa! I've got all your albums!" shouted excited "My parents aren't going to believe me when I say them that I go at the same school as a pop star!"

"How did you recognize me by that? When I was a singer, I had a different appearance" asked Meg.

"Well, I admit I didn't recognize you by sight, but when I heard you speak…your voice remembered me something, and know I know what was!" said while smiling.

"Well, I was wondering…would you like to hang out with me… let's say this weekend? I could show you the town" asked Meg, almost whispering. She was so nervous that she was trembling.

"I'd love to" said Matthew, while leaving the hall "See you later!"

Moments later, Meg arrives at home, very happy.

"Hello everybody" said Meg, very happy, keeping a wide smile.

"Hell, honey. You seem pretty cheered" remarked Lois.

"Today was the best day in my life!" said, excited "Remembered that curse on Connie? Well, it worked!! And that's not all! This weekend I've got a date with the new guy!!"

"Come on Meg, hanging out with imaginary boyfriends is not considered a date" said Peter, as he laughed at his remark.

"It's not imaginary, you lard ass!!" Replied angrily.

"Wow, Meg has a real boyfriend. This is weirder than that time I went to the North Pole" said Stewie.

**Flashback**

Stewie is in the North Pole, in front of the Santa Claus Factory of toys.

"At least, I'm going to life what every other child in the world had ever dreamed of. Seeing the _real_ Santa Claus Factory!" shouted, very excited.

Then, Stewie sneaked into the factory, expecting to see the typical happy and colourful factory we saw in every Santa Claus based film, with cheerful elves working in toys, in a very Christmas environment. But instead of that, he saw a dusty and filthy factory, with death rats lying on the floor, elves chained and forced to working like slaves in toys, while other elves, who wear the typical foreman clothing, lashed and insulted the poor workers.

"Come on, hurry up with those Action men!!" shouted a foreman to an elf girl "Do you want to be with Santa in the Dark Room again?"

"NO! THE DARK ROOM AGAIN NO!!" replied the elf girl as she got haste with the work.

"Oh my god, this place is depressing" said Stewie form his hideout.

**End Flashback**

Later that night, Meg was in her bedroom, writing in her diary.

"…_And this was the best day in my life. And all thanks to this book. When I think in all the hings I can do with it…since this day, nothing will be wrong."_ Wrote in her book, then she went to sleep.

Nothing will be wrong? Ha!

The next morning, Lois hears the alarm clock, waking her up.

"Good morning Peter…Peter?...AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!" screamed Lois in horror when she saw her husband.

* * *

What happened to Peter? Find out in the next chapter!


	4. The incredible shrinking Peter

**Chapter 4: the incredible shrinking Peter**

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" screamed Lois in horror when she saw her husband.

"AHHHHH!!" shouted Peter in fear, awaken by Lois' shout "Lois, are you nuts? Why did you scream like that?" Being awakened by a loud shout wasn't for sure a pleasant way to start the morning.

"What the hell?" said Brian, who was also waked by Lois' voice.

"Pe…Peter…look at you!" said Lois', too disturbed of the sigh of her spouse. Brian was also looking him in disbelief.

Peter then looked at himself.

"What? I don't know what you are referring to… Hey, you said pee, hehehehehe" said Peter, totally oblivious. His retarded mind wouldn't find out what was wrong with him.

"I mean…doesn't everything… look…bigger to you?" asked Brian, very concerned.

Peter stared at them blankly. But slowly, Peter realized (finally!) that indeed, everything was bigger: the bed, the pillows, the room, even Lois and Brian. In fact, Lois and Brian were giant-sized in Peter's view. Why? Because, for some "unknown" reason, Peter was now 4 inches tall!! His clothes also shrank with him. Even the clothes who was not wearing. Don't ask me why.

(A/N: As all Europeans (minus the English), I use to work with the metric system, but I guess that most of my readers are Americans. Anyway, 4 inches are approximately 10 centimetres)

"Mom! I've heard you screaming! What the-AHHHHH!!" shouted Meg who burst in her parent's room, and saw her father's new size.

"AHHHHHH!!" shouted Peter again "It's King Kong!!" screamed in terror, pointing Meg, and trying to cover with the sheets.

Meg, like her mother, was too shocked for consider Peter's remark.

Chris and Stewie also walked into their parent's room, wandering why everybody was screaming.

"Vile woman!! I demand you to tell me why you interrupted my dream of being with Justin Timber…uhh, I meant, being the world's overlord!!" shouted Stewie, angrily, while holding his dear Rupert.

"Hehe, a doll who looks like dad!" laughed Chris happily when he saw Peter.

"Hey, I'm not a doll, you idiot!" complained the little man.

"Hehe, a doll who looks like dad and curses like dad! I want one too!" laughed again, while clapping.

"Wow, the Fatman's now a midget" said Stewie flatly.

"Yes, this is even worst than Peter's last journey to France" said Brian.

**Flashback**

Peter was visiting Paris, while being a huge battle in the city, which was conquered by England, but the French Army was trying to recapture Joan of Arc was leading the armies of France.

"Hey, Knight-woman, I can see your neckline!" shouted Peter to Joan.

"What?" said Joan confused while turning Peter. Then an arrow hits her in the chest, making her fall form her horse.

"Oh, no! Joan has fallen!" shouted in horror a French soldier.

"Now we can't take back our beloved nation!" complained another.

"It serves you right for count on a woman for doing men's job!" said Peter to the French army. "Hehehehe, fighting women, how cute…"

**End Flashback**

"Wait, was Peter born when that happened?" asked Lois a bit confused.

Moments later, everybody was in the kitchen, discussing about Peter's size change.

"I still can't understand how this happened" said Brian, still atonished.

"I…I may know why" said Meg a bit nervous "Maybe…was the Losing Weigh Spell I cast on him two days ago"

"Haha, seems that it worked!" laughed Stewie, who was amused of not being the smallest in the family, at least by now.

"This must be what Seamus talked about" said Brian "And yes, Peter has lost weigh, but not the way we would expect"

"I can't believe that book is really magical" said Lois, a bit scared.

"Maybe I can find a way to reverse dad back to normal" suggested Meg.

"Ok, enough chatting, I must go to work" said Peter while leaving the kitchen.

"Peter, are you insane?" asked Lois, with an angry tone "You can go to work like that!"

"Why?"

"WHY!? Do you really need me to explain you?" said Lois. How could Peter be so irresponsible?

"Come on Lois, being small is not an obstacle for working" said Peter.

"Dad's right" said Chris "Look at Rey Mysterio"

**Cutaway**

In the WWE, Smackdown brand, Rey Mysterio is in a fight against the self proclaimed World Strongest Man, Mark Henry. Mysterio, obviously, has all the tickets to lose the match.

Mark Henry then lifts the Mexican wrestler and throws him out of the ring.

"Wow, Rey Mysterio is used to high fly, but this was just too much for him!" said Mick Foley "It seems that Henry will win the match soon".

"Don't underestimate Mysterio, Mick" said Michael Cole "He's prone to overcome hard situations like this. I'm sure he will surprise us again"

Rey Mysterio then sneaks under the ring, searching for some item. Mark Henry then goes down to finish the match, but to his surprise, Rey Mysterio pulls out a flamethrower from under the ring, aims at Henry, and incinerates him. However, the referee didn't see this hardly fair tactic, and gives Mysterio the victory.

**End Cutaway**

"You're not going any where" said Lois, who picked Peter with one hand and lifted him with extreme easiness.

"Let me go, let me go, let me go!" sobbed Peter, as he tried to escape from Lois' hand, but it was futile. "You're nothing but a big bully!!" shouted Peter in a childish manner.

"Peter, while you're this size, you **can't** go out of this house. I mean, people could stomp on you!" said Brian, trying to make him understand the situation.

"I will call to the brewery and say that you're sick" said Lois as he left Peter in the floor again"And don't try to escape from this house! Right?" said Lois to her husband in a menacing tone.

Surprisingly, despite of his wife was now enormous in his view, Peter wasn't intimidated by her. Maybe was his natural contempt for women, maybe because his stupid mind didn't allow him to realize how easy was for anyone to kill him.

"Also, we cannot let anyone to see Peter like this" stated Brian wisely "I'm sure that if we don't keep this as a secret, soon some government scientist will take him away and will do nasty experiments with his body, you know what I'm referring to"

A few days passed since Peter's size change. Meg tried to find a way to reverse the spell, but there wasn't anything she could do for growing her dad back to normal. Luckily, the spell only would last a few days, so the only thing what remained to do was wait until the effect passes out.

Peter and Brian were sit in the couch watching the TV. Lois, Chris and Meg walks downstairs.

"Honey, I'm going to take the children to the school" said Lois. The she tried to kiss Peter in the cheeks, but she kissed him in the whole face. "Brian, keep and eye on him. I don't want him to do any stupid stuff" whispered to the dog, but Peter heard it.

"Hey! I don't do stupid stuff!" complained Peter.

"Don't you remember when you kidnapped the Pope?" asked Lois.

"Or when you feigned your own death and Death almost took your soul away" said Brian.

"Or when you pretended that I was dying to prevent the cancellation of Gumble 2 Gumble" said Chris.

"Or when you disguised as a teenager assisted to my school" said Meg

"Well, maybe-" tried to say Peter, but was interrupted.

"Or when you almost get me killed by the Mafia" said Lois again.

"Or when you founded your own nation" said Brian again.

"Or when you tried to convert me to Judaism because you though that would make me smarter" said Chris again.

"Or when you tried to break a Guinness record, losing your sight in the process" said Meg again.

"Or when you-" tried to said Lois.

"OK I GOT IT!!" said Peter angrily, after hearing a small part of his 'achievements'.

"Well, goodbye, I'll be back in a couple of hours" said Lois before she and her children left Peter and Brian alone.

"Oh, man, being so small sucks!" complained Peter "I can't go anywhere! I can only stay here, eat and drink a lot and watch TV" said while he was drinking a can of beer, which by the way, has the same size as Peter.

"…" Brian stared at him.

"Hey, it isn't that bad" said Peter after thinking about it. "But it's still worse that my last medic check"

**Flashback**

Peter is in a doctor's office, sit in a table, when his doctor arrives. It's tall, dressed informally, with black short hair, a small beard and hobbled helped with a walking stick.

(A/N: guess who is)

"Well Mr…Griffin, what's your problem?" asked the medic.

"I feel the stomach funny…like it's swelled" said Peter. Suddenly, the doctor hits him in the guts with his stick.

"What the hell are you doing!?" asked Peter in pain.

"I was searching the focus of the pain" said before taking a vicodin.

"Are…are you sure you know what are you doing?"

"Oh, no, I'm a freshman medic that has just earned his title and I don't know what I'm doing" replied sarcastically "It's only gases. Look better what do you eat. You can go back home".

"Wait, If it's only that, why did you hit me?" asked Peter, still in pain.

"Because it was funny".

**End flashback**

"And I've not told you the worse"

**Flashback**

Meg is sit in the couch watching TV

**End Flashback**

"Do you know how is to be trapped under Meg's butt being this small? Under MEG'S BUTT!?"

"And how about…sex?" asked Brian.

"Just fine" said Peter.

"Just fine? How can you make love with Lois being so small?" asked in disbelief.

"She uses me as a sex toy"

Brian then stared at him astonished. One of his eyes started to twitches.

"I must make Meg to shrink me too" muttered.

"Did you say something?"

"Nothing!" said Brian quickly, as he turned on the TV.

**Cutaway to TV**

"In local news, James Woods' student Connie D'Amico has been arrested for drug possession" said Tom.

"That's right Tom. The school's principal found cocaine in her locker, although D'Amico claimed that it wasn't hers, so she will be expelled form the school. But this is not the first time, I mean, a kid in possession of drugs, right Tom?" Teased the anchorwoman.

"Diane, please, don't start talking about that again" said Tom pissed. "And now Ollie Williams will expose his opinion about this incident. Ollie?"

"DRUGS ARE BAD!!" shouted Ollie quickly.

"Thank you Ollie"

**End Cutaway**

"It seems that Meg went a bit overboard with that curse" said Brian.

"I love watching the news in bad times" said Peter "It reminds me that there are people who are in a worse situation than me"

"Interesting point of view" remarked Brian "I'm going for another beer" said before leaving the living room.

However, when he came back, Peter wasn't there. Brian, worried, searched for him across the whole house, but found nothing.

"Peter, where are you?" shouted while searching, as the dog was losing his temper. "If this is a joke, it isn't funny!!"

Brian waited until the rest of the family arrived, then he told them about Peter's disappearance.

"Oh my god!" exclaimed Lois "How could you let him get out of home!" said Lois to Brian angrily.

"I only went to the kitchen for a beer, and when I came back, Peter wasn't there! I don't know how he could leave the house so fast!" said Brian.

"Well, if dad's so small, he couldn't go too far" said Meg "Streets are much bigger for him, and he couldn't take the car"

"Let's find him before something else happens" said Lois.

The Griffin family went outside and started the search of Peter looking around the street. It was a hard search, due to Peter's small size and the fact that they couldn't answer anybody about that, or they would be mistaken as a bunch crazy people.

"Brian, do you find any clues?" said Chris, a bit worried.

"Sorry, but don't. I lose his track when he left the house. Is like he vanished" stated the dog.

"Oh, my dear Peter, where are you? I will die if something bad happened to him" cried Lois.

"Really!?" said Stewie in a very exalted way.

"Well, let's continue searching" said Meg.

They split around Quahog in a vain attempt to find Peter. After hours of searching, at nightfall, they were back at home, in defeat.

"Any luck?" asked Lois.

"Nothing" said Meg

"Me neither" said Chris "I've even used a metal detector" and indeed, Chris was carrying a metal detector.

"Chris, why did you search a human of bone and flesh with a metal detector?" asked Brian.

"I always found things with it when we go to the beach" said Chris.

**Flashback**

Chris is walking in the beach with the metal detector. Then it starts to whistle at fast rate. Chris, touched, start digging in the sand. Suddenly, Megatron bursts out of the sand, and fires his weapons towards Chris.

"DIE, HUMAN!!"

"Ahhhhhh" shouted Chris as he ran in fear.

**End flashback**

"Well, it seems we must continue the search tomorrow" said Lois depressed.

When they entered in the house, to their surprise, Peter, who was now normal sized, was sit on the couch watching TV.

"Hey guys, what are you been doing?" asked nonchalantly.

"PETER!!" shouted Lois as she ran to hug him "where you were?!"

"In the clam with my friends. The shrinking spell effect ended few hours ago, and I went there to celebrate it, the same way I celebrate all things, even our anniversary".

"Anyway, it's a relief to have you back to normal" said Lois, still overwhelmed by the emotion.

"So, it seems that the book you gave Meg is indeed magical" said Brian "And this must be was Seamus was talking about".

"Don't worry, I promise since now that I will use a more responsible use of it" said Meg, a bit worried of the fact that they may want her to ditch the book.

"I don't know" said Lois "If something like that happens again…"

"If something like that happens again I will burn it, I promise" answered Meg.

"Ok, you can keep it, but be careful" said Lois.

"Oh, and Meg, I think you went to far with cursing Connie" said Brian " I know that she's a bitch, but there's a limit even for bitches.

"Are you referring to the drugs in her locker?" asked Meg.

Brian nodded.

"And who said that it was part of the curse?" said Meg with a self pleasured grin in her face.

**End of Chapter**

Author's note: I'd like to thank all the people who has added this story to their favourites. Also, I'd like to ask to all the people who read this story to review it, nobody does it besides Malcolm Fox, and is something that I'd really appreciate. Anyway, I hope you all enjoyed this chapter.


	5. Like mother, like daughter

**Chapter 5: Like mother, like daughter**

There was a normal afternoon in the Griffin residence. All the family (sans Meg) was in the living room watching TV.

**Cutaway to TV**

Allison Dubois is in her kitchen making the breakfast for her family. The Joe comes in the kitchen and kisses her wife.

"Hey, honey, have you got any strange dream tonight?" mocked Joe.

"Yes, Joe. You were on the dream" said Allison coldly.

"R-really?" asked Joe, worried, "and what happened?"

"You were making it with another woman!!" shouted Allison as she grabbed a knife.

"But I wasn't with any woman!! I promise!!" screamed in horror.

"But you will!" replied Allison

"It was only a stupid dream!"

"You could've fooled me, but my dreams always come true!!" shouted maniacally, as she stabbed repeatedly on her husband's chest.

**End cutaway**

"I used to like Medium" said Lois "but the last chapters are sort of disgusting"

"Agreed" said Brian dryly "isn't there any other things on other channels?"

"Well, we can also see Bewitched or The Closer" said Peter, while zapping.

"I think that Medium is OK" said Brian quickly.

(A/N: No offense to anybody who actually likes these series)

Suddenly, Meg walks form upstairs very exalted, carrying a bottle with some sort of pink liquid.

"Guess what?" asked Meg very excited.

"You're moving out!" replied Peter happily.

"No, you fat ass!!" said Meg now angry "Here I have the solutions to all of our problems: The Elixir of wishes!" exclaimed Meg "I made it with the spell book"

"Are you sure that's safe?" asked Lois, unconvinced "We all saw that that book can be dangerous".

"Totally safe" replied Meg "The only request it's that you must be very specific with the wish. Look" said before take a small drink of the bottle "I wish our TV to be a super-panoramic HD TV" said Meg like she was reading something.

Then, Meg's words proved to be right when suddenly their TV was replaced almost instantly with the TV Meg wished for. Everybody stared at the TV in disbelief, and then at Meg.

"Let me try it!!" shouted Peter excited as he took away the bottle form Meg, and drink it.

"OK, but you must be careful with the words you choose when making the wish, otherwise the consequences will be…" said Meg before being interrupted by Peter.

"Less chatting! What do you think that I am, retarded?" said Peter, and everybody give Peter such a look for his statement "I wish…"

Suddenly, Lois boob's doubled their size, ripping her blouse and bra. Peter was smiling happily, and Brian's eyes opened wide after seeing Lois' new 'equipment'.

"PETER!!" shouted Lois angrily and embarrassed, covering with her hands her enormous breasts. Lois took the bottle form Peter, drank of it and made a wish that restored her boobs back to normal.

"OK, let me try again" said Peter as he drank again "I wish I didn't have to go to work never again."

**Cutaway to TV**

"In today's news, a meteor crashed on Pawtucket Brewery" said Tom. "The brewery has been destroyed and all the workers are now jobless".

"That's right, Tom" said Diane "But there's no need of worrying, there're plenty of other beers we can drink."

**End Cutaway**

"OK, Ok, this time is the good one" said Peter before drinking again.

"No, no more stupid wishes!" said Lois, and took the bottle from him. "Stewie, Chris, would any of you like to ask a wish?" asked Lois to her sons.

"Oh, there's something I've wished from many years" said Stewie in a sadist manner.

**Stewie's imagination**

Stewie is lying on a couch, inside a big mansion, while lot of dogs who looks like Brian are feeding him and touching him in a very sexy manner.

**End of Imagination**

"Oh, me, me!!" screamed Chris excited, has he raised his hand.

"Chris, sweetie, make a wish if it's something important, not related to that inexistent monkey" said Lois, guessing her son's intentions.

Chris then put his hand down in disappointment.

"I think it's better to think very wisely your wishes before asking for them." Said Brian "we also use that for end the wars and the hunger in the world, and…"

"Oh, Brian, that's to waste our wishes!" said Peter angrily "we should wish something really important, like joining again the Beatles or resurrect the dinosaurs" said Peter like he had a very good idea.

"Enough everybody!" said Meg while retrieving the bottle "Look, I better keep this in away for now. You could use it when you make up your minds." said Meg to Peter, while leaving the room.

Later, in the afternoon, Meg was taking a walk in the park with Matthew, the new boy in her class.

"And what do you think about Quahog?" asked Meg.

"It's a nice town" answered "But I still miss Minnesota. I mean, I lived there since I was born."

"Don't worry, I can help you to get used to live here" said in a seductive manner, as she hold his hand. "Come here. There's a bench where we can see the sunset" said Meg.

Then she took Matt to a bench between a couple of trees, and sat there, looking at the setting sun.

"Matt, I'm very happy to be here with you" said Meg honestly. "I usually have troubles finding a boyfriend".

"Boyfriend?" asked Matt a bit shocked.

"Don't you like me?" said Meg nervously.

"Oh, no, no! It isn't that" said Matt "You're a smart, nice and pretty girl…It's just…we met a shot time ago…"

"So, you prefer us to remain as friends" said Meg a bit downed.

"…But if you want me to be your boyfriend, I'd be glad". Said Matt while smiling.

"Really?" asked Meg with pure joy in her heart.

"Yes" replied Matt. "Besides, it isn't being the boyfriend of a famous singer the dream of every male teenager?" joked Matt as he and Meg laughed.

"Well, I wasn't that famous" said Meg "my career as a singer only lasted a few weeks"

"Anyway, since you released your first album, I hear three or four songs every day. Your voice is angelical to me" said Matt.

"That was…very…" said Meg as she blushed. She noticed that she was bringing her face towards Matt's, and, before she could realize, they were kissing. It was a long and passionate kiss. Meg felt a warm and pleasure feeling inside her heart. When they stopped, they stared at each other.

"That was amazing…" said Meg. She was about to say that every guy she had kissed then threw up, but she though that it wasn't a good idea.

"Indeed, and- OH MY GOD!!" shouted Matt, as he opened wide his eyes.

"What?" asked Meg.

"There's a fat drunken naked guy!" said as he pointed a man who was…Peter Griffin. Meg's face became pale of pure shame.

"Come on Peter, you've drunk enough" said Joe, as he, Cleveland and Quagmire approached to him.

"Who said that?" said a totally drunken Peter, as he looked around him, then looked at Joe. "Hehehehe, a wheeled man" said before puking, and falling unconscious over the ground.

"We better take him to his house" said Cleveland. "And remember not to make any bet when he's drunk"

"Yes, he's capable of anything" said Quagmire.

Then they took Peter away.

"It wasn't that your dad?" asked Matt.

"NO!" shouted Meg "It wasn't!"

"Sure? Because he…" tried to say Matt before being interrupted by Meg.

"Whops! Look what time is it! I better get back to home! Bye!" said Meg very quickly, before giving her new boyfriend a brief kiss in the cheek and running away to her home.

Later, at home, all the family are in the kitchen. Peter has recovered a little from the drunkenness, and is lying on the table, with a bad headache.

"This is incredible!" shouted Meg angrily "That fat drunken bastard almost ruined my date!"

"Come on Meg, nobody can ruin an imaginary date" laughed Peter.

"It's NOT an imaginary date! I told you a thousand times!!" replied.

"Sweetie, your father didn't want to embarrass you, so don't be so harsh with him" said Lois quietly.

"Yes, you should be more understanding to me. I'm jobless, and what can I do until the brewery is rebuilt?" said Peter.

"Mom, seriously, what did you were smoking to fall in love with him?" said Meg.

"OH, please, stop shouting!" complained Peter, as he rubbed his head "sometimes I wish you were more like your mother". Said Peter.

Suddenly, Meg felt a strange sensation across her whole body.

"Meg, are you alright?" asked Lois, a bit worried "You look as if you saw a ghost".

"It's…nothing…" whispered, before leaving the kitchen.

The very next day, in the morning. Brian was with Stewie and Chris watching TV, and Lois was cleaning the living room, when Meg walks to her.

"Oh, hello, Meg" said Lois as she saw her daughter.

"Hello, mom. Can I help you to do the housework?" asked Meg softly.

Lois then stopped what she was doing, as stared at her very seriously.

"Meg, listen, if this is some kind of trick to make me buy you that convertible, you're wasting your time" said Lois.

"No, no! I simply wanted to help you to do the housework" said Meg.

"…and may I ask why?" asked Lois, still unconvinced. Since she married Peter, _nobody_ ever wanted to help her to do the house chores.

"Because you clean, cook, buy all the things we need and take care of the family every day and nobody ever helped you or even thank you for all the hard work you do every day" said Meg honestly.

"Oh…Okay then, you can start taking that mop and washing the floor" said Lois, still suspicious about her daughter's intentions.

"OK, I'll start now. Oh, and Mom?" asked again.

"Yes?"

"When we finish with the chores, could you teach me to play the piano?" asked Meg.

Now Lois was really confused. Meg never showed a bit of interest in that. But, on the other hand, she was pleasured with the fact that at least one of her children liked the piano too.

"I'd love to, honey" said Lois happily.

"Lois!" shouted Peter as he burst in the house, very excited. "I've got a job until I get back to the brewery!"

"That's wonderful!" said Lois as she kissed him in the cheeks. "And what's that job?"

"I'm the Mayor's bodyguard!" said excited.

"Dad, it isn't that a bit dangerous?" asked Meg.

"Yes, and you must remember that West's doubtful administration made him the target of many angry citizens." Said Brian.

"Oh, don't worry" said Stewie, flatly "This is not the first dangerous job that the Fatman gets"

**Flashback**

Peter is leaned on a trunk, trembling and sweating, with an apple in his head.

"Hey, I don't think this is a good idea…" said Peter fearfully.

"Don't worry, just hold still, Ok?" said a random man in front of him.

"OK…"

Suddenly, the apple grows larger, grows a pair of hands and legs and shows a very big mouth full of sharp teeth. The apple then begins to beat up Peter.

"Perfect, our new prototype of Mutant Apple Warrior is a success!" said the man.

"Help…!" begged Peter weakly while the Apple Warrior was strangling him.

**End flashback**

"Anyway, I better leave, the Mayor will be waiting" said Peter after leaving.

With Meg's help, Lois finished the housework in half the time she usually spent. Then, she taught her daughter to play the piano. Meg was very skilful playing it, and she learned very fast. Meg enjoyed a lot playing it, and Lois was very happy teaching her. With her skill, she could beat Alexis' student (this time fairly) at the piano competition.

Later in that day, the family is in the kitchen having the dinner.

"So, how was your first day at job, honey?" asked Lois to Peter.

"Terrible" said Peter "Today somebody tried to attempt to the Mayor's life"

**Flashback**

The Mayor is doing his paperwork, when someone throws a bomb through the window. Suddenly, Peter bursts into the room, to see what happened.

"Mayor West, quick, run out!" shouted Peter.

"No, nobody will stop me to sign this new town law for force the Quahog police to play the new Police Academy!"

"No, the bomb is going to explode!" shouted Peter as he jumped and covered it with his fat.

The bomb then exploded, leaving a burned and very injured Peter.

"No, mr. bodyguard! Why did you do that?" asked West to the dying Peter.

"because…it was…my duty…" said Peter. The he closed his eyes…and died.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO" shouted West

**End Flashback**

"Wait, wait, wait" said Brian "How could you die if you are now here?"

"…"

"Peter, are you sure that that happened to you, and you didn't…invent it?"

Peter stared at Brian blankly.

"Oh my god, a talking dog!" said Peter.

"Well, I taught Meg to play piano, and then we practiced Tae Jitsu." said Lois "I think we are…"

"Hey mom, this stew is awesome!" said Chris "You've never cook this cool!"

"Well, actually, I didn't make that stew…Meg did" said Lois a bit sad.

"What a shame! Meg actually cooks better than you!" said Peter in an accusatory manner.

"Well, it was my wonderful mother who taught me, so the merit is hers" replied Meg.

"Thank you, sweetie"

"I still think that's a shame" said Peter. Lois glared at him in annoyance.

"Meg, are you okay? You're acting…a bit weird" said Brian.

"I'm better than ever. Why do you ask?" asked Meg.

"Well, you suddenly are interested in all the things that Lois likes, and you're always helping her, talking to her, being with her…"

"It's that bad that a daughter wants to spend time with her awesome mother? I want to be like her." said Meg.

"This ought to end in a disaster" muttered Brian.

"Yes, it's like that cow is morphing into a second vile woman…aghhh!" said Stewie.

"Now that you say it… do you remember that Peter wished Meg to be more like Lois? And I also remember that he took three drinks form the bottle, but only made two wishes! You're right, I think too that Peter's wish is turning Meg into a second Lois"

"You're saying that…there could be…TWO vile women? AHHHHHH!!"

Hours later, Peter and Lois are talking in the bed.

"You spend a lot of time with Meg lately" said Peter.

"Well, at least she helps me with the chores and she likes the same things as me" replied Lois, annoyed.

"Yes. And she does everything better than you. It's a matter of time you become useless" said Peter.

"Useless? What do you mean?"

"I'd mean, I think Stewie was right with saying that meg's becoming another version of you. A new version, by the way, younger and better than you in all the fields you're good. She will probably kill you and take your place in the family"

"That's the most amount of crap I heard in years!" said Lois, now angry "good night!"

The very next morning, Lois waked up and walked to the kitchen to get the breakfast ready, but she heard someone who was there.

"Who's there?" asked Lois.

"It's me, mom" said Meg, happily "I'm making the breakfast"

"Oh, Meg, you shouldn't – WHAT THE HELL!?"

To Lois' surprise, Meg has now a new look. Meg had dyed her hair orange, had the same haircut, and also wore the same clothes that Lois usually wore. It seemed that Meg had turned into another Lois

"Meg, don't you think you went too far with being like me?" asked Lois, now scared. That wasn't a normal behaviour in anybody.

"Calm down, dear mother. I just only want to resemble more to you. You're my inspiration, my muse. I want to be like you!" said Meg in the same soft and sweet tone.

"Meg, cut it off!" said Lois "What you're doing is sick! Please, stop now before I call to a mental hospital.

Meg then laughed.

"I can feel fear in your words, dear mother. Are you afraid that I can replace you?" asked Meg, now in a maniacall tone.

"Meg, you can't…!" said Lois while stepping back.

"I wanted to be like you, mom. But I've thought it better, and I prefer to _be_ you!"

Then Meg attacked Lois, and both engaged into a Tae Jitsu fight. However, both Lois and Meg had the same skill, and none of them could overpass her opponent. The rest of the family then walks downstairs and see Lois and Meg-Lois fighting.

"Oh my god, it happened!" said Brian.

"OH NO!!" shouted Stewie "Hey, if they continue like this, maybe they will kill themselves!"

"Shut up! We must stop them!" said Brian.

Then they tried to stop Meg and Lois, but they couldn't do nothing but take the women's hits. Hours later, they're now all in the hospital, with severe bones broken and numerous injuries. The beating also make Meg to be herself again.

"Mom, I'm sorry for trying to kill you" said Meg, who had an arm an a leg broken.

"Don't worry, honey" said Lois, who had both legs broken "It wasn't you, but that wish your dad made"

"So, it's now my fault?" asked Peter angrily, who had the head, both legs and a shoulder broken.

"Anyway, I'm glad to be myself again" said Meg. "But I enjoyed a lot playing piano and practicing Tae jitsu with you, mom"

"Yes, I enjoyed it too. I hope we could get out of here before the Piano Competition" said Lois.

"Shut up, I'm trying to watch Spiderman!" shouted Adam West from the next room. He was entirely wrapped in bandages, with the face burned. "Oh, and Griffin, you're fired!"

"Well, I guess how was Peter's first day as Mayor's bodyguard" said Brian


	6. Real wars

**Chapter 6: Real wars**

Recovered from their fight wounds, the Griffins are now in the car heading to their home.

"Peter, are you sure you can drive?" asked Lois to her husband a bit worried.

"Of course, why do you ask?" asked Peter nonchalantly.

"Because you still have your arms immobilized" shouted Lois "And I don't think it's sure, or even legal, to drive with the mouth"

"Hey, it's Death!" said Chris. Death was sat in the back seat between Meg and Stewie.

"What are you dong here?" asked Lois.

Death simply pointed forward.

"Dad! Watch out!" shouted Meg as the car was about to collide with a huge truck.

"AHHHHH!!" shouted everybody except Peter

Peter then spun the steering wheel violently, and luckily avoided the truck.

"See? I've got all under control" said Peter proudly, oblivious of how close had been to his doom.

"Peter, let me drive before we had an accident!" shouted Lois in panic.

"No, let him continue driving" said Stewie "I'm sure this will be better than E.T. alternative ending"

**Cutaway**

E.T. is saying goodbye to Elliot and his family before walk on his ship and leave the Earth forever.

"Remember, Elliot" whispered E.T. "I will be here" said as he pointed Elliot's heart.

Then suddenly, E.T. pulls out Elliot's heart, killing him.

"Stupid human…" said E.T. in a new, manly maniacal voice. "Come on my brothers! Destroy the mankind!!"

Then a huge army of spaceships comes form the space, and begin to obliterate the Earth.

**End cutaway**

"You see, Lois? Asked Peter "We're reaching home and we had any accident"

But, however Peter failed at parking the car in the garage, and crashed onto Joe's house.

"PETER, WHAT THE HELL!!" shouted Joe very pissed, as he ran outside with his gun.

"Oh, hi Joe. We just come back form the hospital. Are you happy to see us again?" asked Peter in a very idiotic manner.

"You know what's the weirdest about this?" asked Brian to Stewie "This is the first time that Peter does this with a non flying vehicle"

Hours later, the family is in the living room watching TV as usual.

"Oh, man, this sucks" complained Peter "Joe removed me the driver license and I'm under domiciliary arrest"

"Well, I advised you not to drive with the mouth" said Lois.

"This is the third time I've lost my license" said Peter.

"Third?" asked Meg, a bit confused.

"I lost it when I visited California few years ago" said Peter.

**Flashback**

Peter is driving a convertible frenetically trough the streets of some slums, being chased by two black cars.

"Hang on Peter!" Shouted, Travolta as he pulled out a machine gun, and begins to fire the chasers.

"Shear! What are you doing?" said Peter fearfully.

"Watch out, go to the left!"

Peter then dashes and almost hit a bunch of guys who were playing basket ball. Then more black cars appear and joined the chase. However, Travolta is able to get rid of them all.

**End Flashback**

"Peter, you didn't do that. You saw that in 'Operation Swordfish', that aired last night on NBC." Said Brian. But, unsurprisingly, Peter didn't pay him any attention.

"And now I'm bored here. I cannot go to the clam, I cannot go to play golf, I can't ever go to the shop to buy new porn magazines!!" complained again. "What I'm supposed to do?"

"You could spend the day with us" suggested Lois "We could play a board game all together"

"…" Peter stared at Lois blankly.

"Maybe I'd have a solution" said Meg.

"Meg, listen to your problems or your dates with your imaginary boyfriend is not amusing".

"First of all, Matt IS NOT AN IMAGINARY GUY!!" shouted Meg really pissed "and second, The spell book has a spell that is intended for killing the boredom."

"Ok, let's try it" said Brian.

"The only thing I hope is that we don't end again in the hospital…or worse" said Lois.

Meg then went to her bedroom and came back with the spell book. She opened it and began to pass the pages, until she found the spell.

"Ok, this is it" said Meg, before clearing her throat and recite the spell. However, after that, nothing happened.

"That book sucks more than you" said Peter.

But after that, a strong wind began to rise in the house. Then, seconds later, a vortex appeared in the ceiling, sucking the whole family. Moments later, they all regained the conscious, and stood up. They were in the middle of a ruined town, with some buildings destroyed and others set on flames. Gunshots and explosions could be heard.

"What the hell…?" muttered Peter "Where are we?" asked.

"I dunno…" said Chris "But this new cloths are cool!"

"Hey, why are we dressed like this?" asked Meg, after realizing of that.

Peter's cloths were now a white short sleeved shirt, a yellow sleeveless coat, tank top pants, black boots, and also wore sun glasses. Chris' clothes were the same as Peter's but his coat was red instead of yellow, and wore a band in his hair. Meg was dressed with light brown shorts, a white sleeveless shirt, a safari waistcoat and red boots. Lois wore a green military waistcoat, camouflage shorts, a black sleeveless shirt and brown boots, and had a green shawl. Brian was still naked.

"And where's Stewie?" asked Lois, worried.

"I don't understand anything. What are supposed to do?" asked Brian.

"Let me see…" said Meg while she was again reading the spell "This spell will allow the caster and his/her companions to live of the time's greatest fantasy tale in first person. While this spell lasts, no other magic would be allowed. In order to finish the spell, you must complete the fantasy tale. Have fun!"

"Wait, then you cannot use magic to get us out of here!" said Brian in horror.

"Fantasy tale?" asked Lois "This isn't a fantasy tale. This seems the second world war".

"Hey, I know where we are!!" shouted Peter "This is Metal Slug, the crappy but somehow amusing shoot'em up arcade video game!"

"This is odd. I don't think that metal slug existed in the Middle Age" said Brian.

"Wait, the book says 'the time's greatest fantasy tale'. Maybe the book though in video games" suggested Meg.

"I can't believe that book considers the Metal Slug game as 'the greatest fantasy tale of the time'" said Brian dryly.

"Ok, and how we get out of here?" asked Lois.

"The book says that we must complete the tales, so that means that we must complete the game" said Brian.

"Look over there, the rebels!!" shouted a soldier form the Regular Army. "Everybody, FIRE"

Suddenly, a gun fight started between the Griffin family and the regular army. Despite the Griffins only had simple guns and the enemy soldiers had bazookas and more advanced weapons, 'the rebels' were winning the fight with little effort.

"Okay, let's go!" said Peter as he and his family ran forward, shooting everything in sight.

"Watch out, a tank!" shouted Chris, as he pointed to a green tank, that was firing at them.

The tank approached to them, while firing. Each shot raised a cloud of dust, leaving a hole on the ground. A few Regular Army soldiers laughed at the Griffin family that was forced to retreat and hide behind trashcans and walls. They tried to shot the tank but their gun bullets couldn't do any damage to the tank.

"Oh, crap, with these Sh(beep)t weapons we cannot do any harm to that tank!" shouted Brian.

"We can try throwing him grenades" said Chris while showing a grenade "All of us have 10"

"Yes, that must work!" said Peter.

"I'll better reserve the grenades for the boss encounter" said Meg.

"Wait, how we can have those grenades if these clothes hardly have pockets?" asked Lois.

"Mom, it's a video game. Many things here won't have any logic." Answered Chris.

Then they threw a few grenades to the tank, blowing it to pieces. The explosions also killed the nearby soldiers. The Griffin family continued their trip. They were attacked by more tanks and soldiers. They began another gunfight, but when was choppers joined the fight, they were forced to retreat again.

"Quick! Over here!" shouted Brian as he entered in a cracked building. The rest of the 'rebels' followed him.

They sneaked onto the building. It seemed to be some kind of blast furnace. There were unoccupied tanks, planes and choppers, along with large containers of melted metal. It was a secret weapon factory. Soldiers patrolled through the halls and stairs, watching any possible trespasser. They could also see Quagmire and Cleveland tied to each other. But they looked different: they had large hair and beards, were very dirty, and wore only old and ripped pants

"What the hell are those two doing here?" asked Brian.

"I dunno. But we should free them" said Peter.

"But how are we going to do it? There are lots of troops wandering in this place. If one of them sees any of us, he will alert the others" Said Meg.

"Oh, leave them to me" said Lois very confident.

Lois then approached to a bunch of soldiers who were keeping an eye on the prisoners. The soldiers noticed Lois and pointed their guns to her, but when realized that the intruder was a very hot woman, they put them down and started to drool.

"Hello, boys" said Lois in a very seductive manner "You know, I've always turned on by men in uniform" said Lois while rubbing her breasts. Then suddenly, Lois punches a soldier in the face, kicks another and killed the rest of them with her gun. The other soldiers where alerted by Lois' actions, and approached to her, ready for a fight. However, the rest of the family got out from their hideout and joined Lois in the fight. The Griffins won the battle easily, as there was no tank or other war machine with the enemies.

Then they proceed to free Quagmire and Cleveland.

"Oh, thank you!" said Quagmire " as a reward, here is a box full of weapons!" said as he pulled out from nowhere a box with a machine gun, a flamethrower, a shotgun, a laser cannon and a rocket launcher.

"Hey, if you have those weapons, why didn't you use them for escape?" asked Cleveland, annoyed.

"Because we're prisoners, and we're supposed to wait to be rescued, and then award to our rescuers with weapons, you idiot!" said Quagmire.

"Anyway, thank you. These weapons will be very useful". Said Brian, and took the shotgun.

Peter then takes the machine gun and begins to fire everybody. However, nothing happened.

"Peter, what the hell are you shooting us?" asked Lois very angry.

"Did you notice that, if I shot you, you never die? Look" Then Peter shots at him, and nothing happened. He even hadn't a gunshot wound.

"Hey, it's true!" laughed Chris as he and the rest of the family starts to shot at each other and run like they were playing paintball. They were playing until they ran out of ammo.

"You know, now when I come to think about it, we should use this weapons to kill enemy soldiers instead of shooting us like retards" said Brian.

"Don't worry, here are things better than those crappy weapons!" said Peter pointing to a bunch of armoured vehicles.

Peter and Brian mounted on a tank, Lois and Meg on an airplane and Chris on a chopper. They burst in the city and began to kill every soldier or machine in their way.

Finally, the griffin family reached the Boss Area, and waited for the boss.

"Finally, you were able to get here, rebels" said a voice "Now you will have the honour of being destroyed by my ULTIMATE ENGINE OF DESTRUCTION!!"

To everybody's surprise, the final boss was no other than Stewie, who was inside a huge robot. He was dressed as a commander, and had a big black moustache.

"Stewie! Where were you? Mommy was very worried! Get down here before you got hurt!" shouted Lois.

"You should worry about your miserable life, red haired bitch! Now DIE!!"

Stewie's robot began to fire it machineguns and missile launchers at the 'rebels', but the Griffins also fired back. However, Stewie's robot was much more powerful, and destroyed quickly the 'rebels'' vehicles. The griffins were forced to hide once again, but Stewie was much smarter than those soldiers, and ursued them, instead of stay always in the same place firing at nowhere.

"Die, wretches! Hahahahahaha, victory is mine!!" shouted Stewie "ah, the sound of the machineguns and the bombs killing people is like a melody in my ears".

"Oh, crap, what are we going to do?" said Brian. "That maniac is decided to kill us!"

"No, I'm only decided to kill Lois, but I will kill you too" said Stewie "However, I won't make the same effort on killing Lois than in killing the rest of you. You all are going to die, but I'm not as motivated to kill you as to kill Lois."

"Hey, Stewie, look here" said Meg, who was in the top of a building. He was holding a box full of grenades.

"What the hell? Did you reserve all the grenades for the boss encounter? Nobody does that!!" shouted Stewie.

Meg then threw all the grenades at Stewie's robot, and the consequent explosion destroyed it. The robot then exploded, and Stewie was sent upwards in a very comical way. Then he landed on the ground (and surprisingly he didn't break any bone) and began to cry.

"Oh, my poor baby " said Lois, while cradling him "Please, don't cry…"

"Why? I was finally going to kill the vile woman and rule the world!! Damn you, fat ass cow!!" cried Stewie angrily.

Then, the words MISSION COMPLETE appeared in the screen, followed by a bright flash of light. They were back at home, in the living room as nothing happened.

"We're back!" said Lois, happy to be again in the real world.

"It's a miracle all of us survived. We were in a real war!!" said Brian.

"Yes, but it was funny, wasn't it?" said Peter.

"Peter! How could you see funny such a terrible thing like wars?" asked Lois.

"The weirdest thing was that Stewie was the final boss" said Meg "He's only a baby!"

"Yes" said Lois as she hugged Stewie "Ow, mommy was so worried about you…it's a relief you're now safe"

"Yes, vile woman, and don't kill me when you could will be your worst mistake! " shouted Stewie, as the camera zoomed in and evil music is played.


	7. Retarded Heroes Part I

**Chapter 7: Retarded heroes Part I**

It was a sunny and hot Saturday day at Quahog, and the Griffins decided to spend the day at the beach. Meg also invited Matt along, and by the way, she introduced him to her family, and at last, Peter was forced to admit that Meg had a real boyfriend. They were now all in the car, heading way to the beach.

"Thank you for taking me with you to the beach" said Matt to the rest of the Griffins.

"No problem" replied Lois cheerful "Besides, is a good chance for knowing you better".

"Yes, is always interesting to meet a brave man who has courage enough to be Meg's couple" laughed Stewie with malicious.

"You seem to be a very nice people" said Matt. "Meg told me that you were a bunch of-" said before Meg covered his mouth with her hand.

"Meg told you what?" asked Peter.

"Nothing!" shouted Meg very quickly.

"I guess a lot of people who asked you this, but are you related to JFK?" asked Brian to Matt.

"No, no" chuckled Matt "Although my surname, there's no famous people in my family, or related to _that_ Kennedy"

"Well, sometimes being related to a famous person it isn't as good as can seems" said Lois.

**Cutaway**

A random man walks down the street, when he met some other man. They stared at each other.

"Hey, you're Britney Spears' fath…".

However, the first man pulled out a shotgun and kills him instantly.

"No, I'm NOT" said, really pissed.

**End Cutaway**

"Well, I've an uncle who appears in a TV show" said Matt, remembering.

"Oh, really?" said Peter "And what does he do?"

"Ummm…"

**Cutway**

"MIIIIIIISSSTERRRRRRR KEEEEEEEEEENNNNNNEEDDDDDDYYYYYYYY…KENNEDY!!"

**End Cutaway**

After a short ride, the family finally arrived at the beach. Lois was unpacking their stuff and extending the towels, when she saw that Peter brought something not very suitable for a beach.

"Peter, did you bring a TV?" asked Lois in annoyance.

"Come on Lois, beach is very boring without the TV" said Peter.

"Peter, do you know that you said that of _every_ place we go?" asked Brian dryly.

"Besides, the beach is not for watching TV" continued Lois "Beach is for sunbath, swim in the sea, play with the kids and stay with the family, and…"

But Peter has ignored her and was now in his lounger watching a portable TV.

**Cutaway to TV**

"In today's news, Quahog is suffering from a heat wave that will last till the next week" said Tom Tucker, who was without his jacket and his necktie was loosen.

"That's right Tom. Despise being summer, this heat wave is abnormally hot, and out town is now suffering the consequences of the heat." Said Diane, who also wasn't wearing her jacket Our Asian reporter Tricia Takanawa is now at the streets, and will show us the disastrous consequences of this heat. Tricia?

"Thank you, Diane" said Tricia, also in light clothes. Behind there were a bunch of burned houses "As we can see there, several homes were burned in the last few hours, due an fire produced in one of this houses."

Tricia then walked to a policeman who was near the buildings.

"Excuse me, have you found what was what caused the fire?" asked Tricia to the policeman.

"Although many people think that may be a pyromaniac, our investigators stated that the origin of the fire was the sparks of barbeque." responded the policeman.

"So, do you discard the theory of arson?" asked again the Japanese woman.

"Yes, our data is conclusive. People should have more care with barbeques in this part of the year".

"Well, as you can see-" said Tricia before being kicked by Mr. Kennedy, who grabbed the microphone.

"MIIIIIIISSSTERRRRRRR KEEEEEEEEEENNNNNNEEDDDDDDYYYYYYYY…KENNEDY!!" shouted Mr. Kennedy loudly.

"Thank you, Mr. Kennedy" said Diane. "And now the sports"

**End cutaway**

However, in an abandoned apartment, there was the giant flame thrower bug of 'one by the clam, two by the sea' watching TV

"Good…good" said pleasured.

Back to the Griffins, everybody now is playing in the water, except Peter, who's still watching TV. Small waves crossed the water, breaking in the shore, and its sound mixed with the seagulls' tweets and the cheerful shouts of the kids playing in the sand.

Meg and Matt were in the water, hugged, kissing, rocked by small waves.

"CANONBALL!!" shouted Chris as he jumped onto the water, making a huge wave that crashed into Meg and Matt.

"Chris, you lardo!" shouted Meg angrily "Why don't you go to do your moronic stuff to…" Meg then stopped his angry rant, though for a moment, and smiled. "Um Chris, I challenge you to a swim race!" said her cheerful. "The first one who arrives that ship wins" said before pointing a fishing boat, far away in the distance.

"Deal!" shouted Chris very excited, and he began to swim to the mentioned ship.

"Um…Meg, do you think that's right?" asked Matt, a bit worried about Chris.

"Don't worry, he'll be fine" said Meg.

"Hey, did you notice that every time a wave comes it's stronger than the previous one?" asked Matt.

"Yes. The surfers will be happy." Said Meg dryly "so?"

"Maybe we should get out of the water before a larger wave arrives" said Matt.

Meg though for a moment.

"Okay" said "MOM! We're leaving!"

"Okay…" said Lois, who was playing with Stewie. "Are you enjoying, sweetie?" asked Lois to her baby.

"You know how I will enjoy most? If you reached the top bottom of the sea with a cinderblock tied to your feet". Said Stewie slyly, who was in a rubber ring.

Suddenly Stewie slipped the rubber ring and drowned.

"Stewie!!" Lois quickly grabs him, and the football headed baby gasped for air "You should be more careful, I got a terrible fright".

Stewie gasped for air.

"Maybe you saved my life again vile woman, but this changes nothing!" said to her mother, as he splashed her in the face.

"Oh, you wanna play?" asked Lois as she splashed water in Stewie's face and laughed.

"What the deuce?No, no, stop!" shouted Stewie "Damn you vile woman!"

Back in the sand, Peter is with Brian, still watching TV.

"Peter, you should follow Lois' advice and put on yourself sun lotion" said Brian.

"Nah, my skin is OK" said Peter nonchalantly "Let's make more burgers"

Brian then put a couple of burgers in Peter's back, who was red and sunburned, and the burgers started to get fried.

Then Meg and Matt approach them.

"Hey, I smell burgers-EEEW!" shouted Meg as she saw where the burgers were cooked.

"Wow, your father is a human barbeque!" said Matt in disbelief. "Hey, he resembles to that naked drunk that we saw that night"

"No, I said that it was a different person!" shouted Meg nervously.

"Oh, hello guys, do you want a burger?" asked Peter.

"Sudenly, I've lost my hunger" said Meg.

"Uh…I'm vegetarian!" said Matt.

"Really? But we went a couple of times to that Burger-" said Meg before Matt covered her mouth with his hand.

"Where's Lois and the boys?" asked Brian.

"They're still in the water" said Meg "They said that they will spend more time there…especially Chris".

"Hey, look at that" said Matt and pointed to the sea "Look the size of that wave!"

"Oh my god! Mom's still in the water!" panicked Meg.

And yes, Lois was oblivious of this, and was in the water still playing with Stewie.

"Honey, we should get out of water, or our skin is going to wrinkle" said Lois.

"I guess you're wrinkled by both" said Stewie dryly.

Then, Lois noticed the giant wave.

"What the hell is that?" panicked Lois, before being hit by the wave.

Back in the sand, the Griffins saw the wave and went to the shore trying to find Lois, Chris and Stewie. The first one who appeared was Chris, lying on the ground, with a stupid smile.

"I won the race!" said cheerfully as he pointed Meg. Meg simply ignored him.

The next was Stewie, who was upside down with his head buried in the sand.

"What the hell is this? Get me out of here!" shouted. Brian then pulls him out.

"Oh my god, that was worse than the Fatman's last bet" said Stewie, before spitting sand.

**Flashback**

Peter arrives at home very happy, with a large pack of bills.

"Hello everybody" said Peter.

"Hello honey" said Lois, who was sat in the couch with the children, watching TV "Where did you get that money from?" asked Lois a bit suspicious.

"I won a bet. Quagmire challenged me to drink four bottles of purge. Hehe, he's so stupid…oh f(beep!)ck" said Peter, when finally the purge took effect.

**End flashback**

"Where's Lois? Wasn't she with you?" said Brian, worried.

"Yes, unfortunately it was…but now I can't see her…hey, maybe she drowned!"

"There's mom!" shouted Meg as he pointed far away. Lois was sweeping out to sea by the current.

"Help! Somebody help me!" shouted Lois desperately. She tried to swim back to the shore, but the current was to strong.

Brian then stared at Peter.

"Are you going to save her?" asked Brian.

"Why I should do that?" asked Peter "The current could drag me too!"

"Please, SOMEBODY must help mom!" shouted Meg.

Matt then jumped to the water and began to swim heading Lois. When he reached her, he grabbed her by her arms and carried back to the shore. Lois then fell to the sand, exhausted.

"Matt, you save my mom!" said Meg before hugging her boyfriend.

"Yes Matt, thank you…" muttered Stewie, sarcastically.

Lois finally stood up, still coughing.

"Thank you Matt!" said Lois "I can't bear how close my end was!"

Later at the Griffin house, the family is back from the beach, and is watching TV in the living room. The news talks about Matt's impressive rescue, naming him a hero.

"I can't believe my boyfriend is a hero!" said Meg exalted "I can't wait to tell my friends and classmates…and can't wait also to see Connie's face"

"That's a true man, who doesn't fear to risk his life in order to save a woman in danger." Said Lois "Meg, I'm very happy that you found a man like this who actually loves _you_. Unless another one here that I shall not name".

"Hey, I could save you too!" protested Peter "It's that…I was just digesting".

Lois them stared at him blankly.

For the next days, everybody talked about Matt's rescue, much to Peter's dismay. Lois invited him to dinner several nights, and was always the centre of attention. One day then, Peter couldn't resist it more, and tried to became the only thing that will make him famous: a hero. One day Peter arrived home from work, and saw the entire family watching TV.

"Meg, I need a favour form you" said Peter.

"Pass!" shouted Meg.

"Honey, let him say what he wants" said Lois.

"Well, what do you want?" asked Meg.

"I need you to use that book and give me superpowers, so I can be a hero too" said Peter.

"Pass!" said again.

"Come on Meg! Is something that I really NEED!" said desperately.

Meg then rolled her eyes and sighed.

"Okay…" said, defeated.

"Yes!" shouted Peter.

"Hey, if you're gonna give dad superpowers I want too!" complained Chris.

"Me too!" said Stewie.

"Okay, okay, I'll give everybody superpowers, right?" asked Meg, overcomed.

"I don't know…remember the last time we had powers…we did more harm than good to the town" said Lois.

"Okay. Meg, give everybody powers except your mother" said Peter, annoyed with Lois' sense of responsability.

"Hey, I didn't said that, I want superpowers too!" shouted Lois "but promise that THIS TIME all of us will use them for helping other people".

Everbody then noded.

Meg then went to her room, and used the book for give everybody (including her) superpowers. They were now outside waiting.

"How long takes that in taking effect?" asked Peter impatiently.

"We should earn our powers by now" said Meg "However, the powers will be chosen at random, so we must found them".

Suddenly, Chris falls from the ceiling.

"Chris!" shouted Lois terrified "Are you Okay?"

"I don't know. How many ribs has the human body?" asked Chris.

"Why did you do that?" asked Brian.

"I wanted to know if my power was to fly, because I can't burn things like he other time".

"I think this time we will have different abilities, I don't feel any stronger" said Lois.

"_And I hope this time I have a better power that growing my nails"_ Though Meg. Then she felt funny, like her whole body was tickling. "What the hell is this?" asked Meg. Suddenly, she cast lighting in the ground. "Hey look at this!" said as she cast other lighting to a nearby tree. "I can shot lightings!" shouted excited.

Brian then felt a hit in the back of his head.

"What the…?" said Brian confused, after turning back and seeing nobody. Suddenly, he felt another hit in his mouth, and then a hit in his…pelvic region.

"Haha, what happened, dog?" asked Stewie, as he appeared from nowhere.

"Stewie, you can turn invisible!" said Lois.

"Yes, and it rocks!" shouted Stewie. "And now I finally will be able to do this!" said in a menacing tone before turning invisible again.

Then he kicked Chris in his crotch.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" shouted Chris as he grabbed his injured member. However, Chris' shout was so loud and so high-pitched that broke the crystals of the nearby houses.

"Okay, I think that's his superpower" said Peter.

Brian then stared at Lois with his eyes very opened. The he began to drool.

"Brian, what are you looking at?" asked Lois, a bit annoyed. Brian's eyes glowed slightly. Then she realized what Brian's power was, and she punched the dog very hard.

"Ok, I deserve that" said Brian, rubbing his nose.

"Hey, maybe my power is super strength!" said Peter before punching Lois in the face.

"Peter what the..!?" shouted Lois. However, when Peter hit Lois, Lois then turned into water. Seconds later, the water began adopt a human form, and Lois became again herself.

"Wow, you're like the bad guy from Terminator II!" chuckled Peter.

"Dad what's your power?" asked Chris.

"I don't know…I don't feel anything…oh damn book! Everybody but me have superpowers! This sucks!" said, and he spat on the floor. Then, Peter's spittle exploded like a bomb, sending everybody back.

"May I be wrong, but I guess that's my superpower" said Peter. "Ok, now it's the time to become superheroes, fight the crime, preserver the law and order, and most importantly, being famous!"

And now, provided with amazing abilities, the Griffins will use them for help the citizens of Quahog…or try it at least

**To be continued…**

A/N: I may be tedious, but I'd like to remind you again to review this story, please. I'd appreciate it a lot.


	8. Retarded Heroes Part II

**Chapter 8: Retarded heroes Part ****II**

There was a quiet morning in Quahog. Mayor Adam West was in the Quahog bank, speaking with the cashier.

"Yes, I'd like to retire from my account 1000 bucks" said West.

"Sorry sir, but you cannot retrieve that money until 1st of each month." Said the cashier" Please come later.

"Sorry then" said West, and then he left the bank.

Two seconds later West enters again in the bank.

"Is now 1st of the month?" asked West.

"No, sir" said the cashier, before sighing.

"And now?"

"Please Mayor, I will…" said the cashier, but was interrupted by a gang of bank robbers armed with shotguns, who wore black masks and leather jackets".

"Everybody, hands in the air!" shouted one of the robbers as he shot to the ceiling, in order to scare the people.

"My hands are in the air" said West "Air is everywhere and…".

"It was only a damn expression!" shouted the robber "I don't want to see any funny stuff, or I shall kill somebody!" shouted again.

"Ha, do you think I'm unarmed?" said West in a defiant tone. The, he vomited a gun. "I swallowed a gun ten years ago in case of something like this happened".

West tried to shot one of the robbers, but the gun was empty.

"Oh…I forgot to swallow the bullets".

In the Griffin residence, Peter was watching TV.

**Cutaway to TV**

"In today's news, Quahog's bank is being robbed" said Tom. "The police is now trying to negotiate with them, but it seems that they reached any agreement."

"That's right Tom" said Diane "There are twenty six hostages in the bank, including Adam West, who tried bravely to face the robbers, but failed miserably."

"And now we go to our Asian reporter Tricia Takanawa live for the bank robbery, Tricia?"

"Thank you Tom" said Tricia "As you can see, the cops arrived here short time ago, and have surrounded the bank, however, the situation seem to prolong for long"

Joe Swanson, who was between the cops, approached to the bank's gates with a megaphone.

"Okay, drop the weapons and surrender, and nobody will get hurt!" shouted Joe.

"I've got a better idea" said one of the robbers "Give us a helicopter in the roof, and we'd think about not to harm anybody".

"Four dangerous criminals have taken over the bank, with numerous hostages, how will end this?" asked Tricia.

**End Cutaway**

"Family, come here!" shouted Peter. Everyone then ran to the living room.

"What?" asked Lois.

"Look, there's a bank robbery! It's the perfect chance to become real heroes by saving those people!" shouted very excited.

"Dad, do you remember the last time you tried to stop a bank robbery?" asked Meg "We should let the police do their job".

"Meg got the point this time, Peter" said Brian "We could get the things worse"

"Ok, you can stay here and watch TV, but I'm going to become a hero!" said, and then he got out of the room.

"We should go with him, so we can keep an eye on him" said Meg. If Peter was going to stop that robbery no matter what, it was better if the rest was with him, and prevent to do any stupid stuff. The others agreed.

"Hey, where's Stewie?" asked Lois.

Suddenly, a spear impaled Lois. However, since she's made of water, however, it doesn't hurt her. Lois then pulls out the spear and threw it away.

"Damn!" shouted Stewie form the shadows.

"Come on, to the Peter-Jet!" shouted Peter as he went to the back lawn. To everybody's surprise, there was a huge, sophisticated airplane, with Peter's face painted in the front part.

"Peter, where do you found that…thing?" asked Lois in disbelief.

**Cutaway**

"We must stop Magneto before he spreads that lethal virus which will destroy the mankind!" shouted Cyclops as he and the rest of the X-men ran to the hangar.

"Oh my god! The Blackbird has been stolen!" said Storm as she saw the empty place

"And what do we do now?" asked Wolverine.

"Well Magneto wants to kill the mankind, and we're mutants, so that virus won't kill us" said Iceman.

"Yes, Magneto only wants to kill mankind, not mutants. I don't know why we are always trying to stop him. We shouldn't care about it." said Cyclops.

"Yes, nothing to worry about" said Wolverine.

"How can you be so irresponsible?" asked Rogue in disbelief "As mutants we have the duty of…" said before being impaled by Wolverine's claws.

"I SAID nothing to worry about".

**End Cutaway**

The Blackbird…ummmm, I mean, the Peter-Jet elevated and, miraculously, didn't crash onto Joe's house. After a short flight they were above the bank.

"Ok, we're in position" said Lois. "Brian, use your X-ray vision for scan the bank, and count the hostages and robbers".

"Hey hey hey, wait a minute!" said Peter.

"What?" asked Lois.

"We're superheroes now, remember? You can't call us by our names. We need superhero names. Brian will be now the Spydog" Said Peter.

"Dad, that's ridiculous" said Meg dryly.

"What did I say? And don't call me 'dad', now I am Nitro Spitter!" said Peter in a theatrical manner. "So, I want you to think now in a proper name"

"Ok, how about…Aqua Woman?" asked Lois.

"Lois, that's the stupidest superhero name I've ever hear!" laughed Peter.

"Oh really? Let's see you come up with a better name!" challenged Lois.

"Let's see…ummm…geez…Oh, I've got it! How about Wonder Woman!" said Peter.

Lois stared at him blankly.

"I think I'll be Aqua Woman…" said Lois.

"I'll be the Thunder Girl!" said Meg.

"Haha, That's a girlish name!" laughed Chris as he pointed Meg.

"Um, I AM a girl" said Meg annoyed.

"Hahaha, you're a girl with a girlish name!" laughed Chris again.

Meg then shot a small lighting to Chris' ass.

"Aw!" complained Chris as he jumped.

"Meg, don't use your powers against family members, please!" asked Lois. "And what will be your name, Chris?"

"Star Scream!" said Chris.

"Chris, Star Scream is a transformer" said Brian. "Although I must admit that the name is suitable for your power".

"I want Star Scream!" shouted Chris in a childish manner.

"Okay, you can be Star Scream…"

"Yay!" cheered Chris as he clapped.

"Only Stewie is left to choose his name" said Peter.

"I know a perfect name" said Stewie. "How about 'the guy who's gonna kill you all in a very painful way?'" said Stewie.

"I think we could call him the Baby Ghost" said Lois.

"Oh, because I'm a baby my name must have the word 'baby' implicit on it? Then you should be called the Aqua Bitch and the Nitro-fat-retard-dumbass!" shouted Stewie angrily.

"Well, now that we have all superhero names, can we go now to stop the robbery?" asked Brian, who was losing his patience.

"Not yet" said Peter.

"And what's the matter now?" asked Lois annoyed.

"As superheroes, we must wear flashy superhero costumes" said Peter, as he showed several costumes.

After dressing with the hero costumes, the Griffins (finally!) proceed to stop the bank robbery.

"Ok, there are…twenty three hostages, and four robbers. They're armed with shotguns" said Brian as he scanned the bank with his special vision.

"Well, let's go!" said Peter as he jumped of the airplane. He then broke the roof and landed in the bank flatly.

"SHHHH…AHHHH… SHHHH…AHHHH… SHHHH…AHHHH…" said as he rubbed his ankle.

"Peter, may I remind you that, despite having powers, you can't FLY?" said Brian. The rest of the family (except Brian who stayed in the airplane) descended from the airplane using a rope. Everybody stared at the family dressed like they came from a carnival.

"Who the hell are you?" asked one of the robbers.

"The guy who's gonna kick your ass! I'm Nitro Spitter!" said Peter, then he spat at him.

"Peter, no!" shouted Lois.

The guy then exploded in pieces, but the explosion also harmed several hostages.

"Lois, what did I tell you? Call me Nitro Spitter!" complained Peter.

"Well, you called me 'Lois'" said Lois.

"That's because Aqua Woman is a sucker name" said Peter.

"Mom, Dad, can we discuss about that later? We're in the middle of a robbery!" said Meg to his parents.

"Shut up Meg!" said Peter to his daughter.

Both Meg and Lois stared at him angrily.

"Oh, sorry. Shut up, Thunder Girl!"

"Ok, don't move or I blow this fat guy's brains out!" shouted one of the robbers, who wrapped his arms around Chris' neck and pointed his shotgun to his head

"No, don't harm him!" begged Peter "Harm her better!" said as she pointed Meg.

"Hey!" complained Meg.

Suddenly, the pants of the robber who held Chris as a hostage went down.

"What the deuce!?" said the robber, astonished and embarrassed.

Meg then shot a single lighting to the gangster's shot gun, removing it out of his hand. Chris then punched him and freed form his grip.

The other two gangsters started to shot at them, and they were forced to hide under some tables. However, the bullets didn't harm Lois, who knocked them out with a powerful water spurt.

"Oh, man, let's get out of here before these freaks kill us!" shouted one of the robbers, as he and the other two tried to escape.

"Chris…um , I mean, Star Scream, stop them!" shouted Peter.

Chris shouted, but this time nothing happened.

"Maybe you need some extra impulse" said Peter before kicking Chris in the balls.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" This time Chris let out a powerful sound wave that knocked the robberies ultimately…and shattered the bank's gates into pieces, destroyed all the computers, make everybody deaf, and broke the police cars' windows and engines.

Hours later the griffins are back at home.

"Stewie, thank you for saving me in the bank" said Chris to Stewie.

"Saving you? what the deuce are you talking about?" asked Stewie, confused.

"When you lowered that bad guy's pants down. I could escape from him".

"What the…? Oh yes, yes, I did it for saving you, don't think I did it for any homosexual reason". Said Stewie.

"Well, our first job was done perfectly" said Peter

"Perfectly?" asked Lois, angered "It's a miracle that there has been no deaths!"

"Come on Lois, don't be so pessimistic. I'm sure they will be talking about us in the news" said Peter as she turned on the TV.

**Cutaway to TV**

"…Leaving thousand of deaths" said Tom "And in our local news, there's a band of new self called superheroes in Quahog. Are they our saviours or a bunch of super powered psychos?"

"I'd guess the second choice. In their fist attempt to stop a bank robbery, they caused damage worth of five hundred thousand dollars."

"Wow, that's a lot of money, almost the same amount you spend on surgery each month" said Tom nonchalantly.

Diane glared at Tom coldly.

"And now Ollie Williams with the people's opinion about this report, Ollie?"

"PEOPLE IS ANGRY!" shouted quickly.

"How much angry?" said Tom.

"A LOT!" replied the black man.

"Thank you Ollie" said Tom. "So, be careful, citizens of Quahog. If you see these super powered maniacs, run, RUN AWAY VERY FAST, like if you have seen Diane without her makeup"

"Should I kill Tom for pissing me every time he can? Find out tonight at 11" said Diane.

**End Cutaway**

"Congratulations 'Nitro Spitter', now everybody in the town hates us!" said Meg angrily.

He didn't want to admit it but, _Meg_ was _right again_. Peter then sighed sadly, as he sat on the couch.

"So, this is it…our career as heroes ends here" said sadly.

"Being a superhero is very painful" complained Chris, as he rubbed his crotch.

"At least, they don't know our identities" said Brian.

"Which, by the way is odd, because anybody of us wore any sort of mask" remarked Lois.

"I didn't wore my glasses" said Meg.

"Yes, at least we're better than that time Cleveland mistook an address."

**Flashback**

Cleveland walks into a house.

"Hello, is this the Million Man March headquarters?" asked Cleveland.

Everybody in the place then turned to him…to reveal that they were from the Ku Klux Klan, who glared at Cleveland angrily.

"Excuse me, is this the 129 of Westwood Avenue?" asked Cleveland. There was a discommoding silence.

"No, this is the 133. The 129 is the yellow building, which is in front of a Laundromat." Replied one of the members gently.

"OH, Okay, sorry for causing any troubles. Bye"

Then the screen goes to the exterior of the building. We hear then the sounds of a beating, and Cleveland's shouts of pain.

**End Flashback**

The Griffins renounced to be superheroes, but they kept their powers, and tried to use them for helping themselves in their daily live. However, most of the family's abilities were only useful for destruction. Stewie used his invisibility for steal secret government projects, which would use to develop a way to kill his mother, who was now practically immortal. Brian also used his power toward Lois, but with a different kind of purpose. Peter used his explosive spittles for having fun. Meg became very useful when the lights went off. And Chris…let's say that he's happy because nobody kicked in the balls.

Meg and Matt were at the Quahog Mall, having dinner in a fast food.

"Do you know what happened to that superheroes?" asked Matt. It seemed that, although they were superheroes no more, that would be a common topic of many conversations.

"I dunno. Anyway, why do you want to kow about them?" asked Meg.

"Because they're superheroes!" said Matt "Come on, people like them only appears on comics and movies. It would be great if could met at least one of them"

"Which one would you like to meet?" asked Meg.

"The Thunder Girl. I think she's the best of the team. And his power is the best!" said Matt.

"I don't think she's so interesting…" said Meg.

"Are you jealous?" teased Matt.

"Should I be?" replied Meg.

"Well, the Thunder Girl is a very pretty girl who shots lightings! You should be jealous if I though in her that way".

"Hey, don't you smell something…burned?" asked Meg.

Then they heard screams of terror.

"What the hell is that?" asked Matt as they dropped to the centre of the mall. To their surprise there was…the giant flame throwing bug!

"Good…good!" said as he threw a wave of fire to the scarred people.

"What the hell is THAT!?" asked Matt in disbelief.

Suddenly, the bug turned to them, and threw another wave of raging fire. They both ducked.

"Come on Meg, we must get out of here!" shouted Matt.

"No…I must stop him!" said Meg with strong determination.

"Are you crazy? What do you expect? Meg don't go!"

Meg then approached to the bug.

"Hey, stinky cockroach! Stop burning the mall or you will regret of it!" shouted Meg.

"Oh, and what are you going to do, little girl?" mocked the bug.

"How about THIS?" said as she cast a lighting on the bug, which knocked him back a little.

"Hey, you're the Thunder Girl!" said Matt.

"Bravo!" shouted Meg "Why did it take so long to find that?"

"Well, the Thunder Girl doesn't wear glasses" said Matt.

"Matt, you must go to my house and tell my family about this! I'll try to resist while they arrive!"

"Meg…!"

"Hurry!"

Then Matt escaped from the burning building, and headed towards the griffin house.

**Few minutes later…**

Matt arrived to the griffin house, and knocked the door desperately. Lois opened the door, and saw his altered face.

"Matt? What are you doing here?" asked Lois "You were with Meg at the mall…by the way, where's Meg?"

"The mall's on flames!" shouted Matt.

"What?"

"It was attacked by a giant flame throwing bug!She's still there, fighting the bug! She told me about you having superpowers. She needs your help!"

"Oh my god! Peter, we must rescue Meg!" said Lois.

"Why?"

"Why? She's our daughter!" said Lois angrily.

"Lois, remember that we're superheroes no more" said Peter. "It's a tragedy what happened to Meg, but, what can we do?

"But…but…this could be the chance for showing the world that we're capable superheroes! Let's try again!"

"I don't know, Lois…" said Peter.

"Let me try something" said Matt to Lois. "Peter, can I call you Peter? Do you think what distinguish a superhero form a normal human?"

"That they wear their underpants over their pants?"

"Besides that. The fact that they never give up. Come on Peter, look at heroes like Spiderman, Batman or Blade would gave up when they fail? No! They try again! They never give up!"

"Hey, you're right!" shouted Peter. "I won't be remembered like a coward superhero! Come on family, to the Peter-Jet!"

**Back at the mall…**

Meg was still fighting with the giant bug in the burning mall. Although her control over electricity, it wasn't enough to take him down. Meg was exhausted.

"What happened, little girl? Did your batteries run out of power? Haha!!" said the giant bug.

"Yes, very ingenious" said Meg as he rolled her eyes "It's odd nobody made a joke about electrical stuff till now"

The bug then charged Meg, and hit her with his legs, knocking her back.

"Well, sparkly girl, any last word you want to say before I roast you?" said the bug.

"Hey, you stinkbug!" shoued Peter form behind.

The bug then turned around and saw the rest of the griffin family.

"Nobody but me, and occasionally Chris hurts my daughter!" said Peter.

"I'll put out the flames!" said Lois "The bug is all yours!"

Moments later…

"Whoa, you're very strong!" said Peter "I've ever expected you to be this tough!"

"But we don't ever fought!" said the bug "You only stayed there and said that I'm strong!"

"Oh, really? Then let's end this though the fast way" said Peter as he crunched his knuckles…and kicked Chris in the balls.

Chris then let out another powerful scream that knocked back the bug so violently that he was sent flying, breaking the roof.

"God, I hate being a superhero!" complained Chris in a squeaky voice.

The next day, they were congratulated by the whole city, and the Griffins received the key of the city. Now that they reached their goal of being famous, they retired as superheroes, but promised to be back if Quahog really needs them. Meg also drained all their abilities and put them into six bottles, who where stored in her room, until they will need them again. Now they're in the living room watching TV, as everyday.

"It's good being back to normal" said Lois "Although being a superhero was kinda funny".

"Lois, you're forgetting the most important thing" said Peter.

"That we could use our powers to help people and defeat a monster?" asked Meg.

"No, that we became famous!" said Peter proudly.

Then somebody knocked at the door. Lois went to open. There stood a man in a suit.

"Hello, I'm here to see Chris Griffin" said the man.

"I'm his mother, what do you want from him?" asked.

"I'm lawyer, and my customer has sued him for plagiarism" said as he handed Lois a sheet of paper"

"Plagiarism? What the hell…?"

Then, behind the lawyer appeared the transformer Star Scream.

"We'll see you in the court!" shouted Star Scream "And by the way, the Decepticons will tear apart the mankind and build our new empire!"


	9. Resentful Evil

**Chapter ****9: Resentful Evil**

(A/N: Thanks to warlord-xana, who's idea partially inspired the plot of this chapter)

It was a warm afternoon in Quahog. Peter came from the brewery a couple of hours ago, and was now doing his favourite indoor activity: being sat on the couch, watching TV and drinking beer with Brian. Lois then enters in the room.

"Peter, honey, I've been thinking…" said Lois.

"What?" asked Peter.

"When was the last time we went out for dinner?" asked Lois.

"I dunno, why you ask?" asked Peter.

"I though we could go tonight to that new restaurant in the downtown, and have a romantic dinner…you know, only you and me…" said Lois in a seductive manner.

"Okay" said Peter "But we need somebody who baby sit Stewie"

"Brian, would you…?" tried to asked Lois. However, the camera zoomed out and Brian was no longer there. A cricket was heard.

"It seems that Brian don't want to take the task" said Peter.

"Meg, come here!" said Lois to her daughter. Meg then entered in the living room.

"What do you want?" asked Meg.

"Peter and I are going out tonight and we wonder if you could babysit Stewie tonight" said Lois.

"No way" said Meg "Tonight I'm going out with Matt" said Meg.

"Do you have plans with him?" asked again Lois.

"Well, not yet, but I was about to call him" said Meg. "Why don't you ask Chris?"

"Remember last time we let Chris alone in home, sweetie"

**Flashback**

Peter and Lois are in the station wagon, heading back to home, when they saw that Chris was sat in the pavement.

"Chris, what are you doing there?" asked Lois in disbelief.

"Yes, I told you to record Gumble 2 Gumble while we were out!" shouted Peter angrily.

"I don't want to get in house" said Chris fearfully.

"What the hell did happen?" asked Lois as she went in the house and gasped. To her surprise, a panther was in the living room, eating an antelope.

Then Lois turned to Chris with an angry face,

"I…I can explain that…" said Chris.

**End Flashback**

"I've got an idea" said Lois "Call him and tell him to come here. You could rent a DVD and order some pizza, and spend a laid back night. This way you can be with him and babysit Stewie" said Lois.

Meg though for a moment about her mother's idea. She must admit that it was very good, but still was doubting.

"I don't know…" said Meg. "It's not my perfect plan for a Friday night"

"Come on Meg" begged Lois as she looked at her with supplicant eyes.

"Okay" said Meg, in defeat "but you owe me one!"

Everybody then left the living room. Peter and Lois went to their room, to get dressed for their dinner, and Meg were to her room to call Matt.

"Hello?" asked Matt's voice.

"Hello Matt, it's me, Meg" said Meg.

"Oh, hello honey. What are our plans for tonight?" asked Matt

"There's a little problem. My parents are going out tonight and they want me to babysit Stewie" said Meg, waiting for his reply.

"I see…" said Matt, a bit disappointed.

"But my mom says that you can come here and stay here with me, if you want"

"Ok, I expected a different plan, but I've no objections. I'll be there in a few minutes"

"Till now then. I love you" Whispered Meg sweetly.

"I love you too" said Matt, and then put down the phone.

A few moments later, Peter and Lois are now ready to go, and Meg is sat in the couch with Stewie. Then, the doorbell rang.

"She must be him!" said Meg excited.

Lois opened the door, and as expected, Matt was standing front.

"Hello, Mrs. Griffin" said Matt.

"Oh, please, call me Lois" said Lois chuckling.

"Hello Matt" said Meg as she hugged him and both kissed.

"I brought somebody else. I hope you don't mind" said Matt to everyone's surprise "Come on, don't be shy…" said to somebody behind him.

"Huh?"

Behind Matt, there was a baby girl, with long black hair styled in a ponytail, and wore a light blue dress, a white shirt and a pair of sandals.

"This is my little sister, Sophie" said Matt, as she introduced her to the Griffins.

"Hi…" whispered the girl.

"Oh, how adorable…" said Lois as she looked at the little girl sweetly "How old is she?"

"I'm almost two years old" said Sophie, overcoming her initial shyness.

"What a cute little girl" said Meg as she giggled "I've always wanted to have a little sister like her".

"I brought Sophie here so she can play with Stewie" said Matt "Since we moved from Minnesota, she's been a bit lonely".

"That's good" said Lois "Stewie also has problems in making friends, and I don't guess why…"

**Flashback**

Stewie is in the basement, with a bunch of kids tied to a chair.

"Okay, I'll repeat one more time" said Stewie to the fearfully kids "WHO OF YOU HAS STOLEN RUPERT!?"

"We don't know!" cried a kid.

"Please, let us go!" begged another one.

"What's a Rupert?" asked stupidly another one.

"Okay, we will do it in the hard way" said Stewie.

The camera then changes to the basement door, when we can hear a chainsaw and screams of pain of horror. Then Stewie comes out.

"Stewie, honey, here's Rupert" said Lois as she handed the teddy bear to him "I washed it because it was very dirty, and smelled pretty bad".

"Oh, crap…"

**End Flashback**

"Well, we're leaving" said Lois "Have a good night" said Lois as she and Peter left the house.

"Stewie, you could take Sophie to your room and show her your toys" said Meg to her little brother.

"Okay" sighed Stewie "I guess this night I'm doomed to amuse this brat" said Stewie in a bad mood, as she and Sophie went upstairs, while Meg and Matt sat on the couch, and turned on TV.

"You never told me that you have a sister" said Meg.

"Well, you've never asked" replied Matt, smiling.

"I guess so…" said Meg.

Meg then leaned against Matt's shoulder.

"I'm so happy with you…" whispered.

"Me too…"

Then they began to passionately kiss each other.

Meanwhile, upstairs…

"…and that's why I want to kill Lois" explained Stewie to Sophie, who was listening expectant.

"Most of people would never understand why you want to kill your own mom, but after hear that story and those explanations, now I understand it completely." said Sophie. "Hey, what's this?" said the girl as she grabbed a raygun.

"Put that down!" demanded Stewie "It's not a toy, it's a…!" tried to say.

However, Sophie started to fire the gun in various directions. Stewie grabbed Rupert and hided below his crib, until the firing stopped.

"This is a cool toy!" said Sophie happily "Do you have anymore?"

"No!" shouted Stewie as he took the raygun from her hands "and don't touch anything again without my permission! Especially Rupert!!"

"Okay, okay… "

"I've got and idea" said Stewie "Let's go to Meg's room!"

"I don't think that's right" said Sophie.

"Did I tell you that she has a _real_ magic book?" said Stewie.

"Suddenly, I think it's okay!"

Seconds later, the babies were messing up Meg's room, searching for the spell book. It didn't take too much time for them to found it.

"I think this is the book" said Sophie.

"Let me see" said Stewie as he took the book and turned the pages "Here it is!"

"What?"

"With this spell, I shall raise an army of undead to finally kill Lois and rule the world! Victory shall be mine!" exclaimed in a triumphal manner.

"Do you think that's safe?" asked Sophie.

"Don't worry, it's totally safe" then Stewie read the spell, but nothing happened.

"What the deuce?" asked in frustration "Damn zombies! Raise and obey your master!" shouted Stewie as he stuck his head out of the window. "Dammit!"

"It was a waste of time after all…" said Sophie in disappoint.

"What are you doing here?" asked Meg who came into her room. The she saw that Stewie was holding the spell book "Stewie! That's not suitable for a baby, give it back!"

"Okay, here's your fraudulent book" said as he tossed it to the floor.

"Anyway, go down. Matt and I ordered Chinese dinner, and we though that you may want to see the TV in the living room"

They went down and had dinner while they were watching cartoons on TV.

**Cutaway to TV**

"And now we're back with Daggermouth and Boom Boom" said the TV announcer.

Inside the house, Boom Boom the cat is with a hammer and some nails, hanging some pictures in the wall.

"Boom Boom, what are you doing?" asked Daggermouth.

"I'm hanging some pictures here. This wall seems pretty empty."

"Okay, but be careful when you put those nails" said the fish.

"Oh, don't worry, It's all under control"

However, the cat hit too hard the nail, and the entire wall went down.

"Look what you've done!" shouted Daggermouth angrily, chasing the cat, as a funny music was played.

**End Cutaway**

"Hello everybody" said Lois as she and Peter entered in the house.

"Hello mom, how was the new restaurant?" asked Meg.

"Well, your father didn't enjoy too much the dinner" said Lois a bit annoyed.

"It's not my fault that waiter had that stupid name!" complained Peter.

"Al Beback it's not a stupid name!" said Lois.

"I don't know how could I marry a woman with so little sense of humour. Being married with you is worst that being married to a female astronaut".

**Cutaway**

In a hospital room, a random pregnant wife is giving birth his first child. His husband and the doctor are with her.

"Come on Susan, you can do this!" said the husband.

"AAAAHHH!!" Shouted the woman due to the childbirth.

Finally, the baby is born, and the doctor wraps him in a blanket.

"Congratulations, it's a boy" said the doctor.

"Let me see him…AAAARGGGGHHH!!" shouted the guy. The baby was an Alien whelp.

"John, I can explain you…when I'm in space, I feel so lonely…" said Susan.

**End Cutaway**

"Well, we better get going home" said Matt as he get up from the couch. "Sophie, we're leaving!"

"Did you enjoyed with Stewie?" asked Lois.

"Yes! Can I come here more days?" asked Sophie.

"Of course you can, just tell your brother to call us"

Then the Kennedys left the house.

After a few minutes, everybody were now sleeping…and a new evil was taking place in the Griffin residence.

Hours later, in the morning, Lois waked up and went to the bathroom. She was about to wash her face, when she saw something in the mirror that made her scream. The shout waked up Peter and ran to the bathroom.

"Lois, what did you scream?" asked Peter.

Lois' trembling hand then pointed to the mirror. There was written with blood _You shall pay_

"Okay, that's weird." said.

Suddenly, the entire house began to shake.

"Quickly, let's take the kids and get out of here!" shouted Lois in panic.

"Haha, the house shakes as if we were inside a giant cocktail shaker!" laughed Chris offscreen.

Then Peter and Lois grabbed the kids and Brian and tried to get out of the house. However, the door was blocked. And there was another message written with blood: _You shall not escape_.

"What the hell is happening?" asked Meg in fear.

Then the lights went off.

"We're alone in the dark!" said Chris in fear.

"Hehehe, like the videogame!" laughed Peter.

"Peter, this is no time for jokes!" said Lois.

"Shut up, bitch!" shouted a strangely known voice.

"Who said that?" said Brian.

"You're nothing but a bunch of sinners!" shouted another voice.

"Wait, I know that voice!" said Peter "Dad?"

"I'm not your dad, you fat stinky drunk!"

Then, the ghost of Francis Griffin appeared in front of them.

"Francis? What the hell?" said Lois in disbelief.

"I told you to shut up! You took Peter away from me!" shouted the first voice.

Then the ghost of Bog Fat Paulie appeared near Francis.

"Big Fat Paulie!"

"And we're not the only ones!"

"Yes, tonight we're going to get our payback" said a new voice in a British accent. It was Nigel Pinchley.

"We want blood!" shouted the ghost of the Mass Media Murderer.

"You took me away from the man I loved!" shouted the ghost of Joan Quagmire.

"These ghosts are going to kill Lois and the Fatman!" shouted Stewie, excited. "My spell won't be useless at last!"

"Wait, _your _spell?" asked Brian "You mean that you summoned these ghosts?"

"Yes, it isn't beautiful?" said Stewie.

"Stewie…" whispered a female infant voice. Then the ghost of Olivia Fuller appeared floating near the ceiling "I'm back" said in a very gloomy manner, glaring coldly at Stewie

"Oh sh(beep!)t" shouted Stewie.

"What are we going to do?" asked Lois in fear.

"I know" said Brian as he broke one of the windows "Everybody, get out!"

The family then made their escape. The ghosts stared at each other blankly.

"Why none of us blocked the windows?"

Later, the Griffins were in the street, talking about what happened.

"Ghosts…I though we've never had to pass through this again!" said Lois. "Peter, did you unburied that skull again?"

Peter then shook his head in denial.

"All those people died because of us, remember?" said Meg. "Dad killed Francis in my 17th birthday when he fell on him, Joan died in the fake funeral of Quagmire, the Mass Media Murderer died while chasing Chris and Dad…it's obvious that they want revenge on us."

"And how we will get rid of them?" asked Chris.

"I dunno" said Peter.

"Maybe, if we'd had the spell book, we could send back those ghosts back to the other world." Suggested Lois.

"But there's a problem" said Peter "The book is still inside the house. Somebody must go in and take it back".

Then, everybody stared at Meg.

"Why are you looking at me?" asked Meg anguished. "I won't go back! I went out for food when those burglars entered in our house, and almost ended in prison!"

"I think this won't happen this time. Ghosts usually don't sue alive people" said Peter. "Besides, the book is yours and is in your room."

"Besides, you're the only one of us the ghosts don't want to kill" said Lois.

"But I could die!" said Meg.

"Don't worry about that. If you die, Lois and I will adopt a girl who resembles to you and will call her Meg" said Peter.

"What a relief…" said Meg sarcastically "Okay, I will take the book. But I want something in compensation!"

"Ok, what do you want?" asked Lois.

"I want that red convertible" said Lois.

"Meg you know that we can't afford…" said Lois, but was interrupted by Meg's cold glare. "Okay, you'll have it".

Meg then entered in the house through the broken window. At least, if she succeeded in her task, she will have the car of her dreams. It seemed that the ghosts were no longer there.

"Hello?" asked in a fearfully tone "Are you there, ghosts?"

The living room was empty. However; the TV was turned on, but showed nothing but static. Meg then went upstairs, very slowly.

"Oh my god, I've never been this scared since we were kidnapped by the government" said Meg.

**Flashback**

The Griffin family is held prisoner inside a huge installation, probably undergorund.

"What are you doing to do with us?" asked Peter.

"Where going to test our new torture and interrogation methods" said one of the agents.

"And they are…?" asked Lois

"You're going to watch repeatly all the Disney Musical Shows" said the agent

"Including the High School Musical"

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!"

**End Flashback**

Meg finally reached the upper floor. She heard some laughs, making her more scared. She moved slowly to her bedroom. The laughs came from there.

"Crap, the ghosts are there" said Meg.

When she looked inside he room she saw the ghosts…reading her diary!

"_Dear diary_" said the ghost of Joan "_This is going to sound like really weird, but I'm in love with Brian. I know, I thought I was over this stage, like that one time. But I love Brian. There's just something about him, his intellect, his being. __He's so amazing, but what do I do?_"

The ghosts burst in laughs again.

"Come on, how can somebody be in love with a dog?" said the Mass Media Murderer.

"Yea, I was in love with a perverted guy full of venereal diseases, but a dog?" asked Joan

"Well, you'll be that desperate if you're such a hideous boy" said the ghost of Nigel.

"I'm not a boy!" shouted Meg angrily.

Then the ghosts turned to her. She then realized that she must be quiet. However, she was too angry for being scared.

"Are you reading my diary!?" asked very pissed

The ghosts stared at her quietly, a bit embarrased. They didn't know what to say.

"What are you doing here?" asked Olivia. "It's our house now; living people are not allowed to stay!"

"I only came back for my spell book" said Meg.

"Only that? Okay, here it is" said Paulie as he handed the book to Meg.

"Thanks!" said Meg as she left the bedroom.

"Well, let's continue reading, whose turn now?" asked Joan.

"Hey, did you realized that that book summoned us and it can also send back to the other world?" asked the Mass Media Murderer.

"Oh, crap!" shouted a ghost.

"We must take back that book before…" was about to say another ghost, but suddenly banished. Then the rest of the ghost disappeared too. Meg just reverted Stewie's spell.

The very next day the family is tiding up the home, cleaning all the mess the ghosts caused.

"It's good to be back again" said Lois "Two hauntings in the same year are too much"

"Indeed" said Peter "I hope we never have to face a ghost again. At leats, while Ghostbusters are on vacation".

Then the lights went off again.

"What the hell?" asked Lois.

"Peter…" said a creepy voice. "You told me you weren't going to bring me to the vet…"

Then the ghost of Todd, the Griffin's first dog, appeared in front of them.

"Oh, crap!" shouted Peter


	10. Grow Free or Die by a Plant

**Chapter ****10: Grow Free or Die by a Plant**

Meg is with Matt, in the park, sat on a bench, while their little siblings are playing with each other.

"And it's at last finished!" shouted Stewie triumphal.

Stewie has just built a huge sand castle.

"It seems pretty cool" said Sophie in admiration.

"Indeed, it is" said Stewie.

"When can we play on it?" asked the girl.

"Play? This is not for playing!" said Stewie in reproach "With this fortress, I shall take over the park! and then the nation! and then the WORLD!" shouted as he laughed maniacally.

Sophie stared at him.

"Can I use the castle to play with my dolls?" asked Sophie.

"Oh, of course you can".

Meanwhile, Meg is talking with her boyfriend.

"So, did your mother give you the money for that car?" asked Matt.

"Not exactly" said Meg.

"Huh?"

"She gave me half of the money. I must earn the other half by myself" said Meg "That's why I was looking for a job"

"Did you have any luck?" asked again Matt.

"Nope. First I tried working in a fast food"

**Flashback**

"So, the job's yours, Megan" said the manager.

"Perfect! What will my task be?" asked Meg.

"You must keep an eye on our raw matter" said the manager as he led Meg to the backside of the restaurant. There were a bunch of hobos wolfing down ice creams. "Haha, there're soooo oblivious…well, you can start now. Meg…?"

**End Flashback**

"Then I tried on the zoo"

**Flashback**

"Ok Meg, you're in" said the zoo director.

"What must I do?" said Meg.

"You'll feed our most popular attraction" said the director.

"It's a lion? A shark? An orca?" said Meg a bit annoyed. "Because I won't risk my life with a dangerous animal" stated Meg.

"Oh, don't worry. It's only a lizard." Said the director.

Meg then sighed relieved. She was then led to the animal's cage, and to Meg's horror, there were an angry T-Rex.

"What the hell?" asked Meg in fear.

"Don't worry" said Alan Grant, who was there for no apparent reason "If you don't move, the T-Rex won't see you" said Grant. "Keep still, like me, and…" said Alan before being ate by the dinosaur.

"I'm growing tired of that f(beep!)cking cliché!" shouted the T-rex

**End Flashback**

"And then I tried as Death's assistant"

**Flashback**

Meg and Death was inside a house. There is some random guy reading the newspaper. It seemed that the guy couldn't see Death and Meg. Meg's also dressed as Death.

"Well, this is your first day, so watch carefully" said Death.

Suddenly, a T-Rex (yes, the same of the zoo) breaks through the house, and rips off his head with a bite. The he grabs the corpse with his mouth and begins to munch it.

"That's for telling Spielberg that Spinosaurus is stronger than me, you sucker!!" shouted the T-Rex angrily.

Meg then throws up at the sight of the slaughter.

"Don't worry, when you see this a couple of times per day, you won't mind it". Said Death nonchalantly.

**End Flashback**

"I guess I won't have that car" said Meg a bit sadly.

"Don't be so pessimistic" said Matt "I'm sure there's a lot of people in Quahog who needs help with something. Come on, let's go"

"I guess you're right…" said Meg, more upbeat. "I better get going to find some job" said Meg as she and Matt left.

"I think we're forgetting about something…" said Matt.

Meanwhile, back at the park…

"Matt? Meg?" said Sophie a bit scared "We're you? Stewie!"

"What?"

"I think our siblings ditched us here!"

"Who cares about that? Remember that we have the Sand Fortress and…" said Stewie before a football landed on his sandcastle, taking it apart. "Oh, crap, we're screwed…"

"Hey little kids, do you want candies?" said a man hidden in the bushes.

"Of course!" said Stewie and Sophie in unison.

Hours later, after searching for many jobs, without result, Meg sits tired in the edge of the sidewalk.

"This is futile" said Meg, downed "I'll never found a job…"

"Excuse me, young girl, are you saying you're looking for work?" said a soft voice from backwards.

Meg stood up and turned back to see the person who spoke her. It was an old lady, probably in her sixties. She had grey hair styled in a bun, and wore an apron and leather boots, both were stained.

"Yes, I'm looking for a job, but nobody wants to hire me" said Meg "Why do you ask, are you going to give me a job?"

"Maybe…" said the lady.

"Really?" said Meg, very excited.

"Yes, come into my store and let's talk" said the lady. "Oh, and my name is Helen, Helen Wayne".

"Meg Griffin" said Meg.

Meg saw her entering in a building. Meg read the sign above the entrance. It said 'Green Paradise: Gardening Store'

"_Maybe this is the job I've been looking for"_ Though Meg.

Meg walked into the store. As the title suggested, it was full of plants, flowers, gardening supplies and tools, and sacks of seeds and fertilizers. The air was filled with a strong grass smell.

"I've ran this store for 30 years with no help, and I've always succeed." explained Mrs. Wayne "However, now I'm old and weak, and I cannot run this place alone anymore. I was going to place a sign in the door wanting help, and then I heard you complaining about not having a job."

"What will be my task?" asked Meg.

"You won' have a concrete task" said the old lady "You will help me to do various tasks, like put in order the tools and sacks, watering the plants, attending the customers…" said Helen.

"Okay, and how about money? How much you will pay me?" asked Meg. This was a very important question.

"It will depend on how will be your work here. But let's say I'll pay you 100 per week the first month. It's okay for you?"

"Deal!" said Meg very enthusiastic. "When can I start?"

"Tomorrow" said Helen.

"OK. I'll be here tomorrow in the afternoon" said happily as she left the store.

Hours later, Meg was in her house with the rest of the family, talking about her new job.

"…and I'm going to start tomorrow" said Meg "And she's going to pay me 100 bucks per week!"

"If you wanted, I could get you re-hired to Carl's store again" said Chris.

"Thank you Chris, but I don't want do work with that jerk again" stated Meg "Besides, Mrs. Wayne seems to be a very nice lady"

"Well, you shouldn't trust in old ladies so easy" said Peter "Remember what happened to Snow White"

**Flashback**

Snow White is in the dwarves' house doing chores while the dwarves are working on the mine. Suddenly, somebody knocks the door. Snow White opens it, and there stands her stepmother disguised as an old woman.

"May I help you?" asked Snow White.

"I'm a Fruit Vendor. Would you mind to buy me some apples?"

"No sorry"

"Oh, come on. I'll give you an apple for free" said her stepmother as she handed her an apple.

"Okay…"

Snow White it's about to bite the apple, when it begins to grow a pair of arms and legs, increasing in size becoming…the Mutant Apple Warrior! (again) who beats up Snow White.

Later, the dwarves come form the mine and saw Snow White beaten.

"Oh, look at Snow White! I think it is dead!" said a dwarf.

"Oh no!" said another.

"Oh no!" said another.

"Oh no!" said another.

"Oh Yeah!" shouted Kool Aid man, after breaking into the house through the walls.

**End Flashback**

"Peter, did somebody tell you that you suck at telling stories?" said Brian dryly.

The next day, in the afternoon, Meg comes to home all beaten up, with her clothes tattered, snorting.

"Meg, what the hell happened to you?" asked Lois. "Did you fight with Connie again?"

"Yes…however this time was a little different"

**Flashback**

In the school's hall, Meg is being teased and attacked by Connie's friends, when Matt arrives.

"What the hell is happening here?" said Matt in an angry tone.

"Oh, look who's here, the loser's loser boyfriend" said Connie.

"That what supposed to be a pun?" asked Matt. "Well you better leave my girlfriend before-"

"Before what?" teased one of Connie's male friends, approaching him.

"Before THIS!" shouted Matt as he punched the guy.

The other boy tried to hit him, but Matt blocked the hit with his arms, and kicked him in the guts. However, it was 2 vs 1, and Matt was overwhelmed. Meg tried to help him but she was stopped by Connie and Lisa, beginning their own fight.

"Oh crap, is 4 vs 2!" complained Meg.

"I know, but I also know how to balance this" said Matt as he ran from his attackers, and tagged in Batista, who was there for some unknown reason.

"COME ON!" said Batista as he began to attack Connie and her friends viciously, delivering various devastating moves such as spears, spinebusters and powerslams. Finally, he grabbed Connie, and delivered a powerful Batista Bomb to her. The entire school shook as her body hit the ground. Then Batista pinned Connie, and a referee appeared from nowhere, and slapped three times the floor. The bell ringed and Batista music theme, 'I walk Alone' was played through the school's megaphone, announcing their victory. Also, the boys and girls who were over there started to cheer and show various banners: I Love Batista, DX, John Cena's #1 fan, 619, King of Kings, Edge Sucks…

"Winners, Meg Griffin, Matt Kennedy and Batista!" shouted Lilian Garcia, who was also there.

"It was a luck that Batista was here, and was actually in our team" said Meg.

"Yeah. Let's go home" said Matt as he and Meg left.

"Hey, why the camera is still focusing on me?" asked Connie as she barely tried to stand up. Then the lights went off, surrounding the hall in darkness. Then the lights came again, and in front of Connie was…The Undertaker! Taker then grabbed Connie by the neck and chokeslammed her very hard. Undertaker's music theme 'Graveyard Symphony' was played, as he clenched his teeth and white out his pupils.

**End Flashback**

"Anyway, I'm tired of this" said Meg, sadly "I'm tired of being ugly, of being unpopular and of being everybody's target!" cried.

"Oh, Meg, you must not let that bitch depress you" said Lois, trying to cheer her. "You have your friends, your boyfriend and your family.There always will be somebody who will help you when you need."

"Thanks, mom" said Meg as she cleansed her tears.

Peter then walked in the house.

"Hello honey" said Lois as she kissed him in the cheeks "How was your day?"

"After a long day at work, I arrived at my house with my family. Lois, my formerly hot but now slightly deteriorated wife greeted me with a kiss and sweet words, in a futile attempt to ignore the fact that she was each day a little more old and rusty".

"Oh, Peter, are you again in that narrative phase again?" asked Brian pissed.

"Brian seemed pissed with something I didn't understand" continued "Also Lois wasn't very excited with me expressing my feelings. I sat on the couch and watched TV. I noticed that my daughter, Meg was very sad, as always" said as Meg looked at her. "As her father, I should try to comfort her, however, I didn't. Probably the cause of her misfortunes was her ugliness. Her small stature, fatness, short and boyish haircut and lack of curves made every guy in the world to threw up except few exceptions…"

Meg then cried louder, and ran away to her room.

"Peter, look what you've done!" said Lois angrily.

"Lois shouted angry at me, despite only said the truth. However, I didn't pay her any attention, just as…" said Peter before being punched by Lois.

"Thank you" said Brian.

Meg was in her room, lying on her bed, crying when Lois walked to her.

"Meg, are you okay+" asked Lois.

"Dad's right" sobbed Meg "If I were taller, with a longer hair and bigger breasts, I bet that nobody will mess up with me"

"No, you mustn't think that way" said Lois "Connie picks on you because she's a heartless bitch who's only way to feel better is making other's life miserable. She would pick on you despite having Jessica Alba's body. And you're not ugly, you're just…pretty in your own way" said Lois.

"Unfortunately, nobody thinks like that" said Meg, still depressed. "Mom, instead of a car, would you mind if I…?"

"NO" said Lois in a very emphatic way. "You're not going to have any plastic surgery. You know what I think about that".

"Okay…" said Meg.

Lois then left the room

Meg then thought about her parents said. She was determined to change her look. However, her mother wouldn't let her money for that. Then she looked at the spellbook. Maybe she won't need any money for her purpose.

"_Be taller, grow my hair and grow my breasts .Only one thing: grow"_ Though Meg, as she opened the book.

Hours later, at night, Meg had just finished her growing potion. She must be very careful, if she exceeded the quantity of the potion, she would grow very large. After checking the right proportions of potion, she spread a little of it over her hair and breasts, and drink a little too for growing a bit taller. Then she went to sleep.

The next morning, Lois was making the breakfast for the family, as Peter, brian, Chris and Stewie are sat on around the table. Then Meg walks on the kitchen.

"Hello everybody!" said Meg very happy.

"Good morning sweetie, are you- WHAT THE HELL!?" asked Lois as he saw her daughter.

Meg was now as taller as her mother, have bigger breasts and have a very long hair styled in a long braid. She also wore her clothes, however Meg made them a few mends so they could fit in her new body. Her pink shirt was now a sleeveless halter top, and her blue pants now only went down to her knees.

"Whoa Meg, you look awesome!" said Peter in disbelief.

"Meg, I forbade you to have plastic surgery!" said Lois angrily.

"Oh, I didn't" said Meg" Who wants plastic surgery when you have magic? It's easier, faster and cheaper. Don't I look great?"

"Well, I still don't approve it" said Lois "And I don't mind it if she use magic or surgery" said Lois.

"Come on Lois, look at her, now she's hot, and before she was hideous! I've never understood why such a hot woman like you could gave birth such and ugly girl like her" said Peter. Meg glared at him pissed.

"Hey Meg, with that braid you look like Aeris" said Chris.

"Indeed" said Stewie "Do you want to end like Aeris too?" said Stewie. "Because you just only have to tell me".

"It's ironic how being that a trivial use of magic, it's also the most intelligent use somebody gave to that book since Peter bought it" said Brian dryly.

"Meg, do you think that changing your look won't make Connie and the popular kids to stop on picking on you?" Asked Lois.

Meg then nodded.

"Okay. But you'll see that I'm right" said Lois.

However, Lois was wrong. Meg's day at school was wonderful. Nobody teased her, nobody insulted her, the boys whistled at her and said her compliments (much to Matthew's dismay, who began to act towards Meg jealously). It was almost a perfect day. Surprisingly, nobody asked her how could change her body so fast. Meg also brought the growth potion with her, so nobody could cause a disaster.

After a perfect day on school, Meg went to the Gardening Store.

"Good afternoon, Mrs Wayne" said Meg.

"Hello Megan…hey, you look different" said the old lady.

"Yea, I…I though I could attract more customers if I improved a bit my image." Said Meg.

"Yes, you're right" said Helen "I like the way you think. Remind me to raise your pay".

Meg smiled at her comment.

"Well, I have to go out for some chores, you you'll get in charge" said Helen as she left.

"Don't worry Mrs Helen. It will be fine".

Meg then sat in the counter, waiting for some customers. Then she unzipped her backpack and began to pick her stuff. There was the growing potion. She took it and put it in the counter.

"_Maybe I could sell this for grow plants"_ Though Meg, but she ditched the idea.

The door opened, and Meg saw her boyfriend, Matt, entering in the store.

"Matt!" said Meg as she jumped from the table.

"Hello, Meg. I came here for see how is the work going" said Matt.

"As you can see, I'd lie if I'd say that I'm busy" said Meg as she laughed at her remark.

"Meg, I wanted to talk with you" said Matt seriously.

"Talk? About what?" asked Meg.

"About you and your new…look" said Matt.

"What's wrong with it? You don't like it?"

"Oh, no, you're gorgeous. It's just…why? Do you think I may not consider you attractive anymore?"

"It's not about you" said Meg "I know you like me the way I am. I urged to improve a bit myself"

Matt then stared at her silently.

"Okay then" said Matt as he smiled. "It's just that it drives me mad the way other boys look at you"

"Oh, so it was _that_" said Meg. However, instead of getting angry, she smiled. "Oh, my poor jealous boyfriend" said Meg as she hugged him "Are you jealous?"

"Of course not!" replied.

"Because I find jealous people very sexy" said Meg in a seductive way.

"I shall kill every men that look at you" said Matt.

Then Matt and Meg began to kiss each other passionately. In their hug, Matt then pushed Meg against the counter.

"Ow!" shoued Meg.

"Sorry!" said Matt "I just went too wild. Did I hurt you?" asked.

"No, I'm just okay…OH NO!" shoued Meg as she looked the counter. To her dismay, the growing potion fell from the table and landed over a bunch of small sacks of seeds. Fearing that the seeds may grow to the size of mountains, Meg stared at them. However, nothing happened.

"What?" asked Matt.

"It's…nothing. This pesticide bottle just ruined this seeds" lied Meg to Matt. "I better get rid of them before Mrs Helen can see this."

"I'll help you" said Matt.

Meg and Matt took the seed sacks and threw them to a nearby container. After they left it, a bunch of green branches showed off the container.

Hours later, after her job was done, Meg went back to her home. There was her family, watching TV. She joined them.

"In our local news, a huge, non stop growing mutant plant is ravaging Quahog" said Tom.

"That's right Tom" said Diane "Our sources state that the origin of the plant was a container near the Quahog Gardening Store. " said Diane. "However, why is this big and why still keeps growing it's unknown."

"Oh, crap!" said Meg.

"Meg, is that gardening store when you work, isn't it?" asked Lois, a bit suspicious.

"And now we go to Ollie Williams, who's near the giant plant. What do you see, Ollie?"

"THE PLANT IS GROWING!" shouted Ollie quickly.

"We already know that Ollie. Anything else?" asked Tom again.

"AAAAAGHHHH!" shouted Ollie as the plant covered him with roots.

"Thank you Ollie" said Diane nonchalantly. "And in other news…"

Then Lois turned off the TV.

"Meg, is there anything you may want to tell us?" asked Lois.

"Well, maybe it's my fault that that plant is now devouring the town" said as she showed a shy smile.

"Meg, we told you to be responsible while using that book!" said Lois angry.

"Come on Lois, don't be so harsh with the kid. Besides, that plant is far away form us and-" said Peter before a huge branch broke the window. Everybody then gasped, and run away from the green vine.

"Oh, look what you've done, you stupid girl!" shouted Peter "Now we're going to die! I knew it was your fault from the beginning!"

"Peter, stop it! Shouting at Meg won't solve anything!" said Brian. "We must do something!"

"How about playing 'I see'?" asked Chris.

"I mean something like escaping from that killing plant!" said Brian annoyed. "It's coming!"

"Hurry, to the back door!" said Lois.

The family made their escape in the nick of time. The plant kept growing, collapsing the Griffin's house. A vine also teared apart Cleveland's house. And, as everybody can expect, he's taking a bath. The bathtub begins to slide off.

"Nonononononono…!!" His tub lands in the ground, broking to pieces. "I don't know why I keep bathing. Everybody says it, it's better having a shower." Then he looked to the growing plant. "Oh, this isn't going to end well…" said before being covered by roots.

Back to the Griffins, they've ran for a while until they were far away from the plant.

"Okay, we have a giant growing plant, what can we do?" asked Lois.

"There's only one who can help us" said Peter in a theatrical way "And I know where I can find it!"

"Chuck Norris?" asked Chris.

"No, he's kinda busy right now".

Minutes later…

"And that's why we need your help," said Peter. "Will you help us?"

"No!" replied his interlocutor.

"Why not?"

"Because all of you kicked my ass in the mall two weeks ago!".

In front of them was…the giant flame throwing bug.

Suddenly, the roof of the bug's house is teared apart by the giant plant.

"Oh crap, it's here! We're going to die!" said Stewie.

"Good…good!" said the bug pleasured.

"You're going to die too, you idiot!" replied the baby.

"Oh…"

A giant Piranha Plant blossoms from a bulb, and devours the giant bug.

"Well, one problem less" said Meg. "Now we only have to deal with that plant"

"Don't worry, family, I know exactly what to do!"

**Cutaway**

Peter is in a pub dancing with his friends.

"I love Maroon Five" said Peter.

"I like more Linking Park, but Maroon Five it's Okay to me" said Joe.

"I prefer Rihanna" said Quagmire.

**End Cutaway**

"Peter, what the hell did you do?" asked Lois.

"Okay, it seems that didn't get rid of that plant, but I have another plan!"

The screen turns into a bi dimensional 8-bit screen, portraying the city of Quahog as an old Mario game stage. Peter runs forward, with his family following him. Two goombas approaches to him, but he jumps twice and kills them. The he faces a Koopa Troop. He jumps on him, and the turtle hid in his shell. Peter then kicked the shell, which killed the nearby goombas and Koopa Troops. After that, Peter hits a question block and a Fire Flower appeared. Peter catches the flower, and his pants turned white and his shirt turned red. He continued advanced through the bi dimensional Quahog, throwing bouncing fireballs killing all his enemies.

"Haha, this is too easy" laughed Peter.

"Dad, watch out!" shouted Meg.

"Huh?"

Peter then was hit by a vine whip, losing all his power ups. Then the screen turns again to normal. They all were surrounded by killing plants.

"Crap, this is the end!" said Brian. "And before dying, there's something I must do!" said Brian.

"What?" asked Lois.

Then Brian kisses Lois in her lips. Lois reacted punching him.

"If this was a movie, I'm sure that something would happen to save us" said Peter, looking to the screen. However, nothing happened.

"COME ON GUY! DO SOMETHING FOR SAVE US!" shouted Stewie to the narrator (me).

Sorry, I can't think in a way to save you without being a Deus es Machina, so you're all going to die.

All the family stares at me angrily. Okay okay….

Meg then wakes up.

"What the hell?" asked Meg, as she rubbed her eyes. She saw that the growing potion bottle was still in the counter, unbroken.

"_It was all a dream?"_

"Megan, are you still there?" asked Helen.

"Oh, sorry Mrs Wayne, I think I fell asleep" said Meg.

"Don't worry honey. You worked a lot today. You should better go back home" said the old lady.

"I had a very strange dream" said Meg "I created a giant mutant Piranha plant that destroyed Quahog." Said Meg. Helen then laughed at his dream.

"You're only tired. I'm sure after a good sleep, you'll fell better."

"I guess you're right…Piranha plants…how stupid…" said Meg.

" Tomorrow you'll have the day off so you can rest."

"Thank you. Well, goodbye" said Meg as she left the store.

Helen then closes the store, picked a sack full of meat, and went down to the store's basement. There lied a huge Piranha plant with multiple heads. Helen fed it throwing the meat, which the plant wolfs down.

"Come on Sherman, you must eat all the meat if you want to grow larger" said the old lady softly.

"You could add it chili, couldn't you?" replied the plant, annoyed.


	11. Blondes in my night

(A/N: Did you think that I gave up on this story? well, YOU WERE WRONG!! XDD It's just sometimes I take too much time to finish the chapters, but I will continue this fanfic no matter how much time I may take for update it)

**Chapter ****11: Blondes in my night**

The next day, Meg decided to spend her free afternoon with her mother practicing with the piano.

"How was that?" asked Meg after finishing her play.

"Fair good" stated Lois "You still need to improve more"

"Okay, let's go again then" said Meg. But before she could play again, was interrupted by her mother.

"Meg, how long is Matt you boyfriend?" asked Lois.

"It will be a month this Friday. Why do you ask?" said Meg.

"Well, it's just that I never met his parents in all this time. I was thinking about inviting them this week for a dinner, and knowing each other better, since Matt will be our family in a nearby future"

"Mom!" shouted Meg, a bit embarrassed "I've been with Matt less than a month, and you're talking about him like he's my fiancée" replied Meg. "Since what happened with Michael, I don't want to talk about my boyfriends like that"

"Well, you two seem to get along very well" said Lois, and added a smile.

"Besides, do you think that will be a good idea? Remember that dad is an expert in ruining dinners" said Meg.

**Flashback**

Lois is in the kitchen, having a dinner with another marriage.

"You have a very nice house" said the woman.

"Yes, and your kids were very polite. You have a splendid family" said the man.

"Thank you. I just try this family to be as good as possible" said Lois.

"Where is your husband?" asked the woman. "I can't wait to know him"

"He will be here soon" said Lois "He's upstairs, getting ready"

Moments later Peter walks in the kitchen.

"Hey Lois, where that stupid friends of yours is going to come…?" asked Peter before noticing that they were already there. It was followed by and awkward silence. Lois began to laugh nervously as Peter and the man stares at each other. "Mark? Is that you?" asked Peter.

"Griffin!" shouted Mark as he stood up and hugged Peter.

"You know each other?" asked Mark's wife.

"Yes, Peter and I worked together in a burger king years ago"said Mark, cheerful.

"Hah, remember that fat lady with the crying kid?" said Peter as he and Mark laughed, remembering old times. Lois then sighed relieved as the tension in the air disappeared. "So, do you still have gonorrhea?" asked Peter. His question was followed by another awkward silence, as Mark laughed nervously and his wife glared at him angrily.

**End Flashback**

"Now that it comes to my mind, did you ever meet Matt's parents?" asked Lois.

Surprisingly, that question shocked Meg.

"Now that you say it…no" said Meg "Matt never talks about his parents".

"That's odd…anyway, tell him today that we want to know his parents, okay?" said Lois.

Later that afternoon, Matt is in the Griffin house watching TV with Meg.

"Matt, can I ask you a question?" said Meg.

"Of course, what is it?" replied.

"Why did you never introduce me your parents?" asked Meg.

Matt's face showed a serious expression.

"Well, my father is always busy with his job" said Matt.

"And your mother?"

"She died last year" said Matt sadly.

"Oh…I'm…I'm sorry…I didn't know…" said Meg, a bit shocked about the revelation. Maybe that was a reason why Matt never talked about them.

"Don't worry, it's okay" said Matt. "But I feel sorry for Sophie. She misses her a lot and she's going to grow without a woman role to look up. Anyway, why do you ask? Do you want to meet my dad?" asked Matt.

"My parents want" said Meg "Since you're my boyfriend, they want to know more about you and your family".

"I see. Well, that's understandable. I'll tell dad about this"

The next night, everything is prepared for the dinner. The family is very smartly dressed. Lois is completing the dinner, while Peter and the others are sit on the coch watching TV.

"…and please dad, behave this night, okay?" asked Meg. "I want to cause a good impression to his father."

"Don't worry" said Peter "I've got the same manners as a stereotypical English Lord" said Peter. Then he farted and belched loudly.

"Dad!"

"Sorry Meg, but there was something in the dinner that caused me gases"

"Dad, we didn't eat yet" said Meg pissed "And Chris, if I hear any poo jokes, I'll gouge your eyes, Okay? I want this dinner to be PERFECT!"

"Don't worry sis" said Chris "I promise not to mention poo and…oh no, what I've done! I don't want my eyes to be gouged!" said as, he ran upstairs, crying.

Meg then walked to Brian, and began to shout at him.

"Whoa, Meg seems so hysterical this night…well, more hysterical than usual" said Stewie.

"Yup. She's more nervous that my cousin Solid Snake Griffin doing his missions"

**Flashback**

Solid Snake Griffin, who, as everybody could expect, is a version of Peter dressed like Solid Snake, is fleeing from the Outer Heaven soldiers. The he takes a box and hides inside.

"Hey, what's this box doing here?" asked a soldier.

"I'm sure that the spy is hidden inside!" said another. "Let's shot at it!".

"No, there isn't any spy here!" said Snake from the box "I'm only a box!"

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah. The spy you are looking for went down that hallway." Said Snake as he showed a hand out of the box, pointing the direction.

"Thanks box!" said the first soldier, as they left.

**End Flashback**

"She's going to meet her boyfriend's family for first time. It's normal that she's so nervous" said Lois. "I also was nervous when I met Peter's parents for first time"

"I see a car parking in front of us" said Brian who was peeking out the window. "I think they are Matt and his family".

"They're here!! They're here!! They're here!!" said Meg, who was more nervous than before, and was running in circles.

"Calm down, sweetie, I'm sure that all will be okay" said Lois in attempt to tranquilize her daughter. However, all won't be okay.

Then the doorbell ranged. Meg ran to the door and opened it violently. In front of there were Matt and his sister Sophie. Matt noticed that Meg was sweating and breathing very strong, and her eyes were bloodshot.

"Hello Matt!" shouted Meg.

"Good night, Meg. Are you okay?" asked Matt.

"Excuse her Matt" said Lois "She's a bit nervous about meeting your father".

"So, Meg, this is my father" said, as a man walked along with him in the house. Matt's father was a tall, well-shaped man, who resembled and older version of Matt, who had the same age as Peter. He had short black hair and a full black beard. He wore black long pants, a light blue shirt, a purple tie and a black wool flannel jacket.

"Hello, Mr. Kennedy" said Meg "I'm glad to finally meet you" said Meg as polite as she could.

"Please, call me Bruce. Mr. Kennedy is my brother. So, you're the girl who Matt talked about, huh? He's lucky to have a cute girl like you"praised Bruce in a merry tone. Meg smiled after hearing his compliment.

"Hehe, you would said that he's _un_lucky…ouch!" said Peter, before Lois nudged him.

"Dad, these are Meg's parents, Peter and Lois" said Matt. Bruce and the Griffins greeted each other.

"So, would you want to have dinner now?" asked Lois.

"Of course, I'm starving!" replied Bruce. "Oh, by the way, I brought here somebody. It's a woman I've been dating from a few weeks. I hope you don't mind it"

"Of course not" said Lois. "So, who's your companion?" asked Lois again.

"Is it all right if I come in?" asked a female voice from outside.

"Yes, honey" said Bruce.

Then the woman walked in the house. She had long blonde hair, blue eyes and a beautiful smile. She was in a red cocktail dress, and had a very very very big breasts. To everyone's surprise, there stood Lana Lockhart, Chris' former English teacher.

"This is Lana. We met two weeks ago and we're going out together since then" said Bruce.

"Mrs. Lockhart!" shouted Chris in disbelief.

"Oh my, the Griffins. What a coincidence" said Mrs. Lockhart, who surprisingly seemed happy to see them again.

"You met them before? Excellent!" said Bruce.

After meeting Matt's father and meeting again Mrs. Lockhart, they went to the kitchen. Everyone was seated at the dinner table, being served dinner. Although there was a very cheerful atmosphere, Lois wasn't very pleased with the new last time guest; however, she had strong reasons for hate her. That woman tried to seduce Chris in order to make him kill her husband. Fortunately, Chris' little common sense prevailed over his hormones, and made the right choice. However, this didn't changed Mr. Lockhart's fate, which was to die anyway. Chris was also pretty scared.

"When my son told me that she was hanging out with a former singer, I didn't believe him at first, but it was true!" said Bruce, making a conversation. "Why did you stop singing? You all were pretty good."

"It was after that…incident, with Jimmy Fallon" replied Brian.

"Oh, yes, I remember that now. Then your father beat the crap out of that guy" said Bruce "Meg, you are very lucky for having such a loving and caring father like Peter".

Everybody then began to hold their laughs, to Bruce's confusion.

"So, tell us, how did you meet?" asked Lois.

"I was Lana's lawyer" said Bruce "She was accused for murdering her husband, but I knew that she was innocent, and fortunately, I was able to proof that to a jury."

"Then I invited him to a coffee, for celebrate our triumph" continued Mrs. Lockhart. "Then I realized how similar we were".

"Yes, both are widowed, have the same preferences about books and music, and well, another details" said Bruce as he and Lana giggled.

"Yes, you're very lucky to prevent her to go to jail" said Lois "Maybe you'll have the same 'luck' as her previous husband when she grows tired of you" said Lois with malice.

"Mom!" shouted Meg in disgust.

"Lois, can I talk with you in the living room?" asked Mrs. Lockhart. Then the two women left the kitchen.

"This ought to end badly" said Brian.

"Indeed" replied Stewie "Like that time Chris and the Fatman messed up with Hancock"

**Flashback**

Peter and Chris are in Doctor Hartman's clinic. Chris' head is stuck inside Peter's ass.

"Let me guess" said Hartman "You called that guy an asshole, didn't you?"

Peter nodded.

"I don't know why people keeps insulting a guy with the strength of a thousand men" said Hartman "But don't worry, rectal surgery it's my speciality"

"Um, Chris, how long can you hold your breath?" asked Peter.

"A minute or two, why do you ask?" asked Chris.

"Well, you must hold it longer"

**End Flashback**

Meanwhile, in the living room, Lois and Mrs. Lockhart are discussing.

"Listen, Lois, I know what I did was very wrong, and I can't do anything but apologize, but…"

"Apologize?" asked Lois, very angry. "Do you think I can forget what you've done by only apologize?"

"I know that I shouldn't seduce Chris and try to make him kill my husband, but, if you were married to him, you would understand" said Lana. "Lois, it's obvious that you don't want me to be part of your life, but I love Bruce and I'm gonna be with him"

"Yes, you're right, I'm not going to let you to be part of our lives, even if that means that I must forbid Meg to see Matt again!" replied Lois, even more angered.

"Oh really?" asked Lana " Look, unlike you, I've no kids, however, I have a Master in Child Psychology, and doing that you'd only make your daughter hate you". The blonde woman then cleared her throat "Lois, I'm very sorry of what I've done, I just only want to live without harming anybody, okay? I'm sure that, in a nearby future, we will be friends". Said Lana, and then returned to the kitchen.

"Hell will freeze before I will be your friend" muttered Lois.

The dinner passed without any incidences, as Lois tried to behave in front of Mrs. Lockhart. Now the Kennedys are ready to go.

"It was a pleasure to meet you" said Bruce to the Griffins "Next time you'll have a dinner in my house!"

"Well, see you tomorrow, Meg" said Matt, before giving her a goodbye kiss.

Matt and his family left the Griffin household, and the Griffins began to tidy up the kitchen.

"The nerve of that woman!" shouted Lois, very pissed. "How could she come here nonchalantly, as nothing happened?"

"And what are you going to do?" asked Brian "Force Meg to break with Matt?" asked Brian.

"Did you hear that?" said Lois surprised.

"I'm a dog, remember?"

"Mom, I know that you don't like Mrs. Lockhart, but the only thing you can do is get used to her" said Meg.

"I don't like her" said Chris "I'm the only one who knows that she wanted to kill her husband, and in the movies the assassin always comes back to kill the witnesses" said Chris.

"Yes, but not all murderers are as hot as Mrs. Lockhart" interjected Peter "If she comes here for killing you, probably she'd first seduce you for win your trust and get confident, and both would have wild sex" said Peter, as Chris drooled. "And then, when you both reach the perfect climax, she'd chop your head off!" shouted Peter. Chris then ran away crying.

"Peter! I've told you a thousand times not to traumatize the kids!" complained Lois. "But Peter's right. Neither Chris nor I will be safe with that woman in our lives".

"And what are we going to do?" asked Meg.

"Meg, talk with Matt. Tell him about Mrs. Lockhart and maybe he'd join our side. Ask him what his father's preferences towards a woman are. Maybe we could find somebody to attract him and make him to break with that slut" said Lois.

The next day in the afternoon, Meg is working as usual in the gardening store. Matt's with her, helping to do the daily chores. Meg has told about what Mrs. Lockhart did to her last husband, and how she tried to seduce Chris for killing him.

"You want to broke Lana and dad?" asked Matt. "Why?"

"I told you! She killed her former husband, and seduced Chris for make him do it" said Meg.

"I don't know. She seems to be a nice woman, and Sophie needs a motherly figure"

"She killed her former husband! Do you want your dad to be murderer?"

"I guess not" said Matt, who was a bit convinced about the Griffin's point of view towards Mrs. Lockhart. "But what can I do?" asked Matt. "Dad won't ditch Lana only because I told so".

"I know" said Meg "But you must know which kind of woman your father likes" said Meg.

"Well…she likes pretty woman, as you could see, however, she also likes intelligent women. If you find a woman prettier and smarter than Mrs. Lockhart, I guess you'd have a chance to break them" said Matt. "Do you know somebody?"

And yes, Meg knew somebody who could compete with Mrs. Lockhart, at least, in beauty. Now the Griffins and Matt are in front of…Jillian's door.

"Jillian, are you there?" asked Brian.

"Go away, jerk!" said Jillian "I don't want to see you again".

"But, we need your help!" begged Brian.

Jillian didn't respond.

"Jillian, please, this is important. Let us talk with you, at least" said Lois softly.

Jillian finally opened the door and let the Griffins to walk in. There, they explained Jillian the situation, and what they wanted to do.

"Do you want to seduce a guy?" said Jillian "No way! I'm not a prostitute"

"But you don't have to have sex with him" said Peter "You'd only need to -ow" said Peter before he was cut off by…Ernie the giant fighting Chicken!

The Chicken tackled Peter and began punching him on the ground, but Peter threw the chicken off him and continued the fight inside Jillian's apartment. Peter grabbed him by the head and took him to a nearby table where he banged the Chicken's head repeatedly. The Chicken then elbowed Peter in the face and punched him in the stomache. They grab each other, while fighting, until they broke a window and fell to the streets. While falling, they exchange blows until they land on top of a garbage truck where they continue fighting.

The Chicken then pecks Peter in the face repeatedly. Peter then punches the Chicken to make him release it and then punches the Chicken some more Peter then got out of the garbage and climbed the cab, and the chicken followed him. There they continue exchanging hits, punches and kicks until the chicken falls in front of the windshield. The driver then loses the truck's control and crashes against another truck. More cars crash against the two trucks, making a mountain of scrap.

They continue their fight in the mountain of crashed vehicles. Peter grabs a crowbar, and the chicken grabs a broken bumper. They began to swordfight with their improvised weapons as Star Wars battle music plays. While they're fighting more drivers are distracted and crash their cars against the houses or another cars. Peter hits with the crowbar in the chicken's arm, making him to release the bumper.

Peter attacks again, but Ernie dodges the attack, grabs Peter's head and smashes it against a Fish Shop's glass. Peter then grabs a fish and put it in the chicken's peck by force. After that, Peter grabs an octopus and throws it to the face. While fighting, they enter in the shop's refrigerator chamber. The chicken punches repeatedly at Peter's face. Peter falls to the floor, helpless. The chicken is going to give him the coup de grace.

"Look, it's the Colonel Sanders, and is laughing at you!" shouted Peter.

"Where!?" asked the chicken as he turned back.

Peter then stands up, and pulled down to the chicken a shelve full of seafood, knocking down the chicken. Peter then leaves the Fish Shop. However, inside the refrigerator chamber, a yellow feathered fist raises from the pile of frozen seafood…

Peter then came back, all beaten up, with his clothes tattered, and covered of yellow feathers.

"Sorry about that. What was I saying?...Oh, yes, but you don't have to have sex with him" said Peter "You'd only need to seduce him until he broke with Mrs. Lockhart. It will be like tempting a child with an ice cream, but eating the ice cream in the last moment. Oh, stupid kids, how freakin sweet is doing that, hehehehehe"

"I'm still unconvinced" said Jillian.

"Please, this has nothing to do with Brian. You're the only one who can help us" said Meg.

"Okay" said Jillian "But I want something BIG in return" said.

"Well, how much?" said Lois as she took her wallet.

"I don't want money" replied Jillian.

"I see" said Lois, and she began to untie her blouse.

"Wait, I'm not a lesbian!" shouted Jillian "Or am I?"

"What do you want then?" asked Stewie.

"Brian gets to be my personal servant for six months" said Jillian.

"There's no way that I…" was about to said Brian, but he was interrupted by Lois.

"Deal!" said Lois.

"What? You can't do this to me!" complained Brian.

"Come on Brian, you owe this us for that time we save your life" said Peter.

…

"Uh? No flashback?" asked Stewie "That's odd".

"I want you here every day at 9:00 am since tomorrow!" said Jillian to the dog "I've got a lot of problems with washing some clothes. How can I dry-clean? You need water for washing anything"

"…" everybody stared at her in silence.

"Jillian, we will call you tomorrow" said Lois. Then the griffins left Jillian's apartment.

"Well, now it all depends on us" said Meg.

"There's only a problem" said Matt "Dad likes also smart women, and that Jillian is dumber than a rock. How are you going to make her to look intelligent? Even with magic it would be impossible"

"Don't worry" said Brian "we also know an expert in magic" said Brian as he looked at Meg and winked her.

The very next night, Peter and Lois are in a restaurant, waiting for Bruce and for Jillian. They called Bruce and asked him if they could go with them to a dinner with another woman, whose companion couldn't go to the dinner.

"She's late" said Lois a bit worried. "What if she made her mind and now won't come?"

"Don't worry, she'll come. Otherwise, she'll lose a free servant" said Peter.

"I also hope that the spell of intelligence that Meg cast on Jillian works" said Lois.

Jillian then enters in the restaurant and walks towards Peter and Lois' table. She was dressed in a light blue nightgown, and had her hair styled in a ponytail.

"Good night, Mr. and Mrs. Griffin" said Jillian very politely. Her voice seemed less ditzy and deeper.

"Good night, Jillian" said Lois.

"You're late" said Peter.

"I know, and I'm very sorry for that. French classes left me very little time" said Jillian.

"Are you studying French?" asked Lois in disbelief.

"Yes. I'm also studying Spanish. Suddenly I had the urge of feeding my mind" said Jillian.

"Really?"

"Sure. You know what s weird? I feel like I've never used my brain before" said Jillian.

In that moment, Matt's dad Bruce entered the restaurant and headed to the Griffin's table.

"Sorry, I'm late, but there was a big traffic jam" excused Bruce. "Anyway, who's this lovely lady?" asked as she looked at Jillian.

"Bruce, this is Jillian, a good friend of the family" said Lois.

"Nice to meet you" said Jillian before giving Bruce a kiss in the cheek.

They ordered, and while the cooks made their dinner, they engaged in conversation.

"You know, I'm so happy for Matt" said Bruce "He found a girlfriend so fast, which is odd, because he isn't very expert in girls. He had brief relationships in Minnesota, but this seems to be different."

"Meg isn't very popular among the boys neither" said Peter "Most of them burn themselves when Meg asks them to go on a date" chuckled Peter.

"Really? I think she's cute" said Bruce.

"Indeed she is" interjected Jillian. "However, the current perception of beauty goes against her. World is full of mindless jerks who only wants a blonde chicks with big breasts, big asses, no mind, and if it's possible, a lot of money"

"Wow, Jillian, that was…very intelligent" said Lois.

"Why did you say that? Is not like I'm always saying stupid stuff at all" replied Jillian angrily Lois and Peter held their laughs.

"Tell me Jillian, what do you actually do?" asked Bruce.

"I'm photographer" said Jillian "But I want to do something more important in my life. Maybe I'll study for veterinary. I always liked animals" said Jillian.

"Yeah, and you ever dated one!" said Peter, as he laughed.

The rest of the dinner passed normally. Peter and Lois told stories about their family, and helped Bruce to knowing better Jillian. Both engaged in many conversations about polemical topics, such as weapons, security in schools, the current law system, and many others. They also exchanged anecdotes of their lives. At the end of the day, Bruce took Jillian to her apartment. The dinner was a success.

The next day, Brian is with Stewie at Jillian's apartment. He's cleaning the floor, and Stewie…is watching his public humiliation.

"Look at you" said Stewie with malice "Being the slave of that mindless Barbie. I guess how much lower you can sink. Not much lower"

"However, this isn't worst than last time we go to the mall" said Brian.

**Flashback**

Lois is doing her usual shopping for the family. Peter then walks towards her.

"Peter, I was thinking that we can have for dinner this night…what the hell?" asked Lois in disbelief when she saw Peter.

Peter had his left hand grabbing his crotch, and his right hand grabbing his butt.

"Don't ask about this. I had a little accident with the super glue. Please, take to the hospital" said Peter nonchalantly.

**End Flashback**

"I'm going out, so you're going to stay alone for a while" said Jillian. She was wearing a jogging suit. "When I'm back, I want to reflect my face on the floor, okay?" asked.

"Where are you going dressed like that?" asked Brian a bit confused.

"I'm going to run a bit. I want to get fit" said Jillian as she answered something obvious.

"I though you threw up to lose weight" said Stewie.

"Throw up? That's sick and unhealthy! The best way to be fit is diet and exercises. Well, bye!" said Jillian as she left.

"Look at that" said Stewie "It seems that Meg's spell changed her drastically. She's a dumb blonde no more"

"Yeah…" said Brian.

Meanwhile, in the Griffin house, Lois is talking through phone.

"Yes…of course, we will be there" said Lois "May I bring the kids…? Okay. So, at 8:00 pm? Well, goodbye!" said Lois as she hung the phone.

"Who are you talking to?" asked Meg as she entered in the living room.

"With Bruce. He invited us to a dinner at his house" said Lois.

"Are you planning to bring Jillian to the dinner?" asked Meg, like she was reading her mom's mind. However, it was obvious.

"Of course. She and Bruce seemed to connect very good in our last outing." Replied Lois "I think he began to forget about Mrs. Lockhart".

Back to Jillian's apartment, Brian is still there cleaning the house. Jillian dressed for going to the Kennedy's dinner.

"Brian?" asked Jillian, surprised. "Are you still here?"

"Yes, you see. Times goes so fast when you clean houses, hehe" said, before laughing nervously.

Jillian frowned, and looked at him seriously.

"Brian, what's the matter?" asked Jillian.

"No…nothing."

"Come on. When you are lying your tail moves very fast. Just like now"

Brian's tail was moving at the speed of sound. Its movement was hardly perceptible by eyesight. The dog sighed, in defeat.

"It's…it's about you" said the dog.

"About me?"

"Yes. I think I was an idiot when I didn't want to live with you. Since we broke up, I've missed you so much…please, let me be your boyfriend again!"

Jillian though for a moment what her ex boyfriend said.

"Brian, I think that you're a great guy. You're intelligent, sweet and funny. But you stated crystal clear that I wasn't your type of girlfriend" said Jillian.

"No! I was wrong!" begged the dog. "You're my perfect girlfriend!"

"Brian, I'm sure someday you'll make happy another girl."

"But…but…" Brian was about to tell her that he fell in love with her again after Meg increased her intellect using magic. However, it wasn't a good idea. Jillian leaned towards him and kissed the dog in his nose.

"I know that you're suffering. But you must overcome it. Now better go home, otherwise you'll be late at the Kennedy's dinner".

Moments later, the Griffins and Jillian are now in the downtown, entering in a block of flats. They head to Bruce's apartment. However, when they come in, a surprise awards for them: Besides Bruce, Matt and Sophie, Mrs. Lockhart is also there.

"Oh, Mrs. Lockhart….what a surprise" said Lois, shocked and confused.

"Hello, Lois" said Mrs. Lockhart. "Surprised to seeing me again?"

"Well…"

"Oh, come on, I know your little trick involving that kid!" said, pointing Jillian. "I've never though you could be this twisted!"

"Twisted? Me?" asked Lois in disbelief. "Says the one who tried to seduce a 14 year old kid to kill her husband!"

"Girls, please, just…" tried to say Bruce, in order to keep peace.

"I don't know how many times I've apologized for that! However, that seems not to be enough for you!" replied Mrs. Lockhart, angrily. "you dreaded bitch!" shouted.

"OK, you're going DOWN!" shouted Lois, as she charged against the blonde woman and they start getting into a catfight. Mrs. Lockhart pulled a baseball club from her chest, and Lois picked a lamp from the hall, and they started to fight.

"Please, stop, you're acting like beasts!" said Jillian.

"Shut up you whore! When I finish her, you'll be next!" threatened Mrs. Lockhart.

"Who are you calling a whore!?" said Jillian as she joined the catfight.

"They are going to kill each other!" shouted Meg horrified. "Dad, do something!"

"You don't have to tell me twice" replied Peter before he…pulled out a camcorder and began to record the catfight.

"What the hell are you doing?" asked Meg in disbelief.

"What do you think? I'm recording this epic moment for later. Three hot women fighting to death! This is priceless!"

The three women continue their fight in a similar way as Peter's fight with the Chicken: They hit, bite, scratch and tear their hair off. However, I'm in no mood for doing another fight. Let's said that they continue fighting until they fall through a window to the streets, and they're rushed to a nearby hospital.

Now they're in the hospital, sharing the same room. Lois and Mrs. Lockhart are awake, but Jillian is unconscious. The Griffins told Bruce about their plan.

"So do you wanted Jillian to seduce me in order to break up with Lana?" asked Bruce.

"Yes" said Lois, who was in a bed with several bandages. "You must hate us". Her voice reflected remorse.

"Yeah, especially Meg. This is all her fault" pointed Peter.

"Shut up, you fat moron!" replied Meg.

"Well, honestly, I don't hate you" said Bruce to everyone's surprise.

"You don't?"

"No. I'm lawyer. Most of people I've defended are treated like this. Your behaviour was very normal. However, that doesn't excuse what you've done. But I'll do like this never happened if you forget about the past and give Lana another chance." Said Bruce.

"I guess you're right" said Lois. "Lana, can you forgive me for what I've done?" asked Lois.

"If you can forgive me for what I did" said Mrs. Lockhart.

"Deal" replied Lois, and both women smiled.

"I'm worried about Jillian" said Meg "She's still in a coma".

In the next bed was Jillian. Brian was with her, holding her hand.

"Please, Jilly-bean, wake up" said Brian. "I couldn't live without you" said.

"Brian…" said Jillian, as she slowly opened her eyes.

"Jillian! You're awake!" shouted Brian in excitement.

"Did you stay with me all the time I've been unconscious?" asked Jillian.

"Yes" said Peter "He cares a lot about you".

"Well, maybe I judge you wrong, Brian. I want us to be a couple again" said Jillian.

"Really?Yes!" shouted Brian, and gave his girlfriend a passionate kiss.

"Do you know if this Dr House's hospital? Because I don't want him to be my medic. He's mean" said Jillian. Brian noticed that her voice was again ditzy.

"Jillian…Dr. House doesn't exist" said Brian.

"Of course he does exist, silly!" replied "He appears on that show on Fox. Anyway, Did you look at me? I've gained a lot of pounds this week, and I don't know why! When I get home I'm going to throw up a lot, so I can lose weigh"

"Throw up?" asked Brian disgusted "I though you…"

"What is it, oogy?"

"No…nothing". said in defeat. Somehow Jillian was back to normal.

"I think the hit affected her brain and she's intelligent no more" whispered Meg to her family.

"Congratulations. 'oogy', Jillian's with you again!" teased Stewie.

"Yeah" replied Brian sadly, as he took his hipflask and drank form it.


	12. My Lips Don't Lie

**Chapter ****12: My Lips Don't Lie**

The Griffins were in the Groceries Store doing their usual shopping. Lois is buying some fruits and groceries with Stewie and Brian.

"Hey dog, look at me" called Stewie, who had a watermelon in his ass. "I'm Jennifer Lopez! I wear fur coats and need a limousine to go anywhere, but I try to look like a typical Latin girl!" laughed Stewie, as he shook his ass.

"Stewie, don't play with the food!" scolded Lois, as surprisingly she took the watermelon from his butt and put it back on the shopping cart.

"I'm so glad to be carnivorous" murmured Brian.

Meanwhile, Peter, Meg and Chris are in other side of the store, talking.

"Ok, there goes another one" said Peter. "What's a guy who dyes his hair in many colours?"

"A man who's looking for attention?" asked Meg.

"No, Jeff Hardy, hehehehehehe." Chuckled Peter.

Chris stared at him blankly, and finally laughed.

Meg then sighed.

"Come on Meg, it is funny, why don't you laugh?" asked Peter. "Geez, you're worst than my audience when I was humorist"

**Flashback**

Peter is in a comedy club telling jokes.

"Okay, there's another one" said Peter. "A black priest enters in a bar and…"

"Hey!" complained a black priest sat in a table.

"Okay, okay, how about…" said Peter as he was thinking in another joke. "I know, a Japanese guy, a German guy and a russian guy are in a plane and…"

"What the hell?" said a japanese guy.

"Learn to be more respectful!" said a german guy sat near the Japanese man.

"I'll bet you won't tell a jokes about fat people!" said a russian man.

"Okay, let's see…oh, this is awesome! A man meets and Alien and…"

"And what?" said Stan Smith "Meeting an alien is nothing special".

**End Flashback**

"Hey, Chris, look at this" said Peter before put in Meg's pocket a small pack of chocolate.

The family then reunited at the cash desk. But, when they were about to leave, the alarm blew.

"Everybody, freeze!" shouted a guard as he and another ones went towards Meg, and began to frisk her, until finally found the chocolate.

"What is this?" asked the guard.

"I didn't pick that! I swear!" said Meg desperately. "I'm sure that he put it in my pocket!" said as she pointed Peter.

"It's that true, sir?" asked the guard.

"Well, maybe…" said Peter, who was feeling a bit guilty.

"Because if it were you, we'll have to beat you up and then got you arrested".

"No, it was her!" said Peter "Meg, you promise me you won't steal again nothing!" said Peter as he faked disgust.

"But-!"

"Okay guys, get her!" said a guard

"AHHHHHHHH!!" shouted Meg as she ran away, but unluckily was easily caught.

Minutes later, the whole family was at home. However, Meg was beaten up, with her clothes tattered and her glasses broken.

"Meg, I hope you won't bear in mind this for too long" said Peter.

"I hate you…" said Meg coldly.

"Sweetie, your father didn't want this to happen. He only wanted to play a little joke and…" said Lois in a reconciliation manner.

"This is incredible!!" shouted Meg. She was holding her rag no more. "I can believe that you are excusing him! You're my parents! You're supposed to love me, not to make my life more miserable than it actually is!"

"Meg, please, don't overdo it" said Lois calmly "You know that your father and I love you. Right Peter?"

"Uhhhhhh…Look, it's my drinking time!" said Peter as he burst out of the house, heading to the Clam.

Meg snorted, and went upstairs to her room.

"I think this time Peter went overboard with his pranks" stated Brian. "But it isn't the first time"

"What do you mean?" asked Lois.

"Well…remember that 'gift'?"

**Flashback**

Peter walks in the house carrying a wrapped box.

"Meg, honey, look what daddy has bought for you" said Peter in a merry tone.

"It looks big. What is it?" asked Meg.

"It's a present from Luke Perry" said Peter, before running away.

"Really!?" said Meg excited as she quickly opened the box, unaware of the content of the box. When she unwrapped it, the box exploded, covering her in garbage.

"Hehehehehe" laughed Peter as he pointed his daughter. "Now you _really _stink!"

"I HATE YOU!" shouted Meg as she ran upstairs to her room, crying.

**End Flashback**

"And remember also her 16th birthday"

**Flashback**

Meg's eyes are covered, while Peter is guiding her through a crowd.

"I can't wait to see what did you prepared" said Meg, nervous about her 'surprise'. "Can I look now?"

"Not yet" said Peter. "Put on this shirt" said Peter as he handed her a shirt. "It's part of the surprise"

"Okay…"

"Well, now you can see" said Peter.

Meg took off the bandage from her eyes and saw that she was in a NRA headquarter. To her horror, the shirt her dad gave her was written 'Guns are for gays'.

"Get her!" shouted one of the members as he and the others pulled out their weapons and fired at Meg.

**End Flashback**

"Maybe you're right. I'll talk Peter and make him apologizes Meg".

"Are you sure that will be enough?"

"Sure. Meg's very comprehensive". Stated Lois very confident.

Meanwhile, upstairs, Meg's in her room, throwing darts at a picture of Peter.

"_Stupid dad, and__ his dumb jokes. How can I be so stupid to get always tricked?"_ though Meg. _"If I could find a way to never get tricked again by that fat bastard…"_

Meg then saw her spell book, and a wonderful idea popped in her mind. Later, that night, following her book-s instructions, Meg is mixing chemicals and potions, until finally got a light blue potion.

"Finally, with this Potion of Truth, that overweigh moron won't be able to trick me ever again! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" laughed hysterically as a thunder clapped. "Why I am laughing?"

The next morning, everybody is in the kitchen having breakfast. Lois is talking to Peter.

"Remember, Meg probably would be very pissed, so try to apologize, and don't laugh while you're doing it!" said Lois.

"Don't worry, I know exactly what to say" said Peter.

"What the deuce?" asked Stewie. "You're making the Fatman to apologize that cow for a petty prank but you let him to sell me to that dirty Texan family?"

"Stewie, dad took you to Aunt Carol's house" said Lois softly. "I though you enjoyed it"

"If by 'enjoy' you mean going every day to that stinky swamp and playing with that stupid toddler, yes, I enjoyed a lot!" said the baby angered.

"Really? Then I'll tell Carol you're going this summer too" said Lois.

"Damn red haired whore! Did you hear about sarcasm!?" shouted in frustration. "Oh, you're sooooo dead…"

Meg then walks in the kitchen.

"Hello everybody" saluted cheerfully.

"Um, Meg, about yesterday…" said Peter.

"What, that joke? Oh, I'm not angry at all! In fact, I think it was very hilarious" said Meg, faking her tone.

"Re-really?" asked Peter in disbelief.

"Yes. In fact, I think you're so good father that I used the spellbook for making this" said as she showed him the blue potion. "If you mix it with beer, it will taste a million times better!" said Meg.

"Really? Let me try!" said Peter before taking the bottle, mixing it with a bottle of beer, and drinking it.

"Yes, dad, drink it all" said Meg slyly.

"Whoa, it tasted soooo good" said Peter "Thank you Meg! Now I repent of selling Neil Goldman photos of you in the shower"

"You WHAT!?" shouted Meg, but she tried to keep calm. "Anyway, I hope you enjoy the 'additive', hahahahahaha!" laughed maniacally as she left the kitchen.

"Look how she laughs. She's so happy today…" said Peter.

"Um, Peter, yesterday you play on her a very bad practical joke, and this morning Meg is surprisingly happy, and she gave you a strange and very suspicious liquid with an excuse that would make sure you'll drink it. Do you think it's all okay? I mean, that could be poison"

"Nah, Meg wouldn't harm me. She won't hurt a fly".

"Well, I think that Meg has set a trap on you, like Robotnik sets for Sonic" said Brian.

**Cutaway**

Sonic and Tails are in the Casino Night Zone. Sonic is playing in one of the many slot machines.

"Yes, three jackpots!" shouted Sonic "Come with daddy, golden rings!"

"Sonic, we should be going…" said Tails.

"Yeah, wait a minute, this is the last try…" said Sonic.

Three days later…

Sonic is still playing in the slot machine. He has rings under the eyes, is thinner and trembling due to the lack of sleep.

"Crap, three Robotniks! I lost all my rings!" shouted the hedgehog in frustration.

"Can we get out of here already?" asked Tails, pissed.

"I guess…hey, this machine also allows emeralds! Tails, hand me the chaos emeralds!"

"What? You can't use the emeralds for that! We need them for defeat Robotnik!" said Tails.

"JUST GIVE ME THOSE F(beep!)CKING EMERALDS, YOU STUPID FOX!" shouted Sonic.

"Jerk…" muttered the two tailed fox, as he tossed the emeralds and flied away. "I'm going to star in my own game!"

"Like hell you will, minor character!"

In the distance, Robotnik sees how sonic loses all the emeralds, and laughs triumphal.

(A/N: I refuse to call him Eggman)

**End Cutaway**

Hours later, in the afternoon, Matt is giving Meg a ride to her home in his motorbike. She couldn't wait to see how was her father's day now that he couldn't lie for a while.

"Meg you seem to be very cheerful today" said Matt. "May I ask why?"

"Because life is wonderful" replied "I have a family, a home, a wonderful boyfriend and since today some son a bitch won't be able to play pranks on me"

"Yeah, those are good reasons to be happy" laughed Matt.

After a few minutes, they arrive at the Griffin Household.

"Well, goodbye, Matt" said Meg before giving her boyfriend a brief kiss on the cheek.

"Goodbye honey. You're very pretty when you're happy." Praised Matt

"Thank you" said Meg as she blushed a little.

"_If you think that now I'm happy, wait to see how happy I'll be after seeing my little 'experiment'"_ Though Meg with malice.

Meg walked in her house. There was Brian, drinking beer, with Chris, both watching TV as usual, and she could hear Lois feeding Stewie in the kitchen. There was no trace of her father.

"Hello everybody!" saluted Meg very effusively.

"Hello, Meg" said Brian nonchalantly as he continued watching TV.

"Hello, sis" said Chris.

"Has dad arrived yet?" said Meg.

"No, he's still out" replied Brian. "May I ask you why you are so interested in Peter? Maybe it has something to do with that potion you gave him?" asked Brian.

"Maybe…" replied Meg in a enigmatic way.

"Okay, what was that strange potion?" asked Brian. It was more curiosity than worry about Peter.

"Nothing dangerous…that potion will prevent dad for telling lies" said Meg.

"Oh…" said Brian, uninterested. It seemed that he expected something…different.

"Family, I'm at home!" said Peter as he entered in the house.

"Peter, it was about time!" said Lois as she walked into the living room. "You promise me you'll get at home soon and help me to clean the basement! Where have you been?"

"I was in the clam with the guys" replied Peter. "I didn't want to clean the basement. Cleaning is a woman's job" stated Peter.

"What!?" said Lois very angry.

"In a situation like this, I'd take you to a romantic restaurant, however, I'm in no mood, and so I'll stay here watching TV. It would be pretty much if I ask you to make me a sandwich?"

Lois muttered something unintelligible, clenched her fists, and went back to the kitchen.

"Um, Peter, did you realize what you said to Lois?" asked Brian.

"No." said nonchalantly as he took a beer can. "What's on TV?"

"Dad, how was your day?" asked Meg, grinning slyly.

"You're not going to believe it! I showed that additive to the head executives, and they liked it a lot! They added it to the beers!" said Peter very excited.

"What!?"

Brian then spat the beer he was drinking.

"What the hell are you doing?" asked Peter.

"Dad! That additive was a Potion of Truth! Anybody who drinks it won't be able to lie!" said Meg very alarmed.

"…" Peters stared at her blankly.

"That means that you won't be able to excuse yourself to Lois when you get late at home, or scare Chris and Stewie with fake stories or play pranks on Meg" explained Brian.

"HOLY CRAP!!" shouted Peter. "MY LIFE'S RUINED!!"

"Hey look at the news" said Chris.

"In today's local news, people in Quahog aren't able to lie" said Tom Tucker.

"That's right Tom" continued Diane. "Our asian reporter, Tricia Takanawa, is in the streets now, watching the effect of this rare event, Tricia?"

"Thank you Diane" said the Japanese woman. Behind her there were multiple street fights, car chases and burning buildings. "As you can see, Quahog is immersed in a wave of violence and destruction. Wives discovering that their husband cheated on them, workers unable to lie their bosses in order to skip work, ad many other tragic events like these are ruining our beautiful town."

"Thank you Tricia" said Diane. "And now Ollie Williams with his thoughts about this event, Ollie?"

"I HATE YOU ALL!!" shouted Ollie.

"Thank you Ollie" said Diane nonchalantly.

"Now everybody in the town can't lie!" said Peter "I hope you're happy, Meg! Look what you've done!"

"ME!?" replied Meg "It wasn't me who mixed an unknown substance with the local beer!"

"But you told me that it was a new additive!" said Peter, "so the fault is yours".

"Meg, I'm with Peter this time" interjected Brian. "I know better than nobody tath your dad is a nuisance …"

**Flashback**

Brian's in the living room reading the newspaper, when Peter arrives very excited.

"Hey, Brian, look at me!" Said Peter who was in a strange paper-made suit. "I made a cosplay of the Human Torch!"

"Peter, you shouldn't…" tried to say Brian.

"Flames on!" shouted Peter as he lighted his suit, instantly covering him in flames. AHHHHHH!!AHHHHHH!!HEEEELP!!"

Peter began to run, extending the fire over the house.

"Peter, hold still!" said Brian as he grabbed a fire extinguisher, however, it was _that_ fire extinguisher from the Christmas Episode.

**End Flashback**

"…but this time you went too far" concluded Brian.

Meg glared at the dog angrily, when she realized that he was drinking beer.

"Brian, do you think that dad deserves mom?" asked Meg.

"Of course not!" replied angrily. "I also think that Lois is wasting her best years of life with this fat stupid and…and…" Brian then realized of what was saying, and laughed nervously.

"Brian! You damn ingrate! I'm going to kick you with Meg out of this house!" shouted Peter.

However, Meg also had more for her father.

"Dad, do you love me?" asked Meg.

"What?"

"I said if you love me"

Peter then began to make stifled noises with his mouth, trying to silence the answer.

"Dad, answer me please".

"Y-yes, I do!" finally shouted.

"Ha, I knew it!" laughed Meg.

"Dad loves Meg! Dad loves Meg! Dad loves Meg!" teased Chris as he pointed Peter.

"You're grounded" said Peter.

"Awwww" complained Chris as he went slowly upstairs, to his room.

"Well, I guess we can still fix this" said Brian. "Meg, do you think you can prepare and antidote?"

"I guess I could, but it will take time" said Meg.

"Don't worry, we have a lot of time. Nobody knows that the beer is the cause of this" said Peter.

"Breaking news!" said Tom Tucker "We've discovered the reason of why people can't lie anymore: The Pawtucket Patriot Beer!"

"Well, at least nobody knows that I added the potion to the beer." Said Peter.

"That's right Tom" said Diane. "And we also discovered the man who tainted the beers, Peter Griffin, who works in the Brewery"

In the top left of the screen appeared a file photo of Peter with sunglasses and a long raincoat buying porn magazines.

"And now we go to our Hispanic reporter, Maria Jim…Xim…Yim…" tried to say Tom.

"Jimenez" ended Diane.

"I was about to said it!" complained Tom "…who is in the brewery, Maria?"

"Thank you Tom" said the Mexican woman. "I'm here with the supervisor of the shipping department, Angela, who has told us about this".

"That's right." Said Angela "Peter brought us a new 'additive' he said he had develop. It was very tasty, and we added it to the beers, but I should suspect that there was something wrong about that, because was Griffin who made it. However, we are working hard to produce a new stock of beer to replace the tainted beer."

Brian then switched off the TV.

"So, the additive YOU developed, right?" asked Meg, pissed.

"Wow, Peter, people will be very very very angry with you" said Brian.

"Do you think so?"

"Peter!" shouted Lois as she burst in the living room. She was holding Stewie. "There's outside an angry crowd shouting blasphemies against you!"

"Oh, crap! Let's get out of here! We will escape in the Petercraft!"

The entire family gets out of the house to the back lawn, where there was an airship with the head of Peter painted in the front. The Petercraft lifted off and began to fly, however, it crashed on Joe's house.

"THAT WAS THE LAST TIME!" shouted an angry Joe as he joined the angry crowd and began to shoot at Peter. Finally, the family was cornered by the angry people.

"We got him cornered!" shouted an angry man.

"Yeah, let's kill him! He's a fat bastard! He made me lost my job!" shouted another.

"And my boyfriend dumped me!" said a girl.

"And he's a big phoney!" shouted the Phoney Shouting Guy.

"Kill him alone will be very little for a big crowd like this, let's kill the whole family!" said another.

"Wait, don't kill the young boy, he doesn't deserve to die, and he has a lot to experience yet" said Herbert.

"Wait, wait!" said Peter "I wasn't he guy who created that potion!"

"Who was then?" said another man. "We will kill him or her instead!"

"It was…" said Peter, as she looked at Meg. "It was…" tried to say, but there was something in Meg's eyes that stopped him for blaming her…again. "It was all my fault" finally said, to his family's surprise.

"LYNCH HIM!"

"Wait, wait, I haven't ended yet!" said Peter "I'm not a good father towards my daughter, I'm always embarrassing her, playing practical jokes on her and even hitting her. She got tired of this, and she created potion of Truth so I couldn't bother her anymore. But I though it was an additive, and I mixed it with the beer. This whole mess taught me that I was a terrible father, and if you forgive me, I'll promise to be a better father to you, Meg" said Peter as he smiled at her Daughter. She and her family smiled back (except Stewie, who was glaring at him with obvious intentions.

"What a beautiful speech" said a man.

"Suddenly, I've lost my keen on killing" said another man.

"Me too" said a woman.

"But what are we going to do now? Get back at home?" asked another man.

"I know! Let's go to zoo to watch animals!" said another guy.

"Yeah, everybody likes animals!" said another man.

"Animals aren't phoneys, just like that guy" said the Phoney man.

Everybody then left the Griffin Family alone.

"Wow, Peter, I've never thought you'd be so brave to admit the true in front of an angry crowd like this" said Angela as she walked towards him. "However, thanks to you we lost a lot of money, and maybe we will be forced to close the Brewery!" shouted angrily. "You're fired!"

"What?"

"Come on Angela, I know that Peter messed up the town, but he didn't it on purpose! Please, don't fire him!" begged Lois.

"Sorry, but no" said Angela.

"But everybody makes mistakes!" said Peter. "Did you ever not make a single mistake in your whole life?"

"Yes, five years ago I hit an old man with my car and I left the place without calling an ambulance and…" said Angela, who covered her mouth with her hands after realizing of what just has said.

"Haha, it seems that she also likes to _work_ with beer, if you catch my drift!" laughed Stewie.

"Well, Angela, give back dad her joke, or we wilol go to police" said Meg.

"Anyway, you have not any proof of what I said!" replied Angela.

"Do you think so?" said Meg in a defiant way. She pulled out a recorder, and reproduced what Angela said about her accident.

"Okay, I won't fire Peter" said Angela in defeat.

The next day, the family is in the living room watching TV, glad that everything is back to normal.

"It's a relief that this mess is finally over" said Lois. "Who would know that lemonade suppresses the effect of the Potion of Truth"

"And the most strange thing is that nobody asked how a non-genius teenager with no knowledge about advanced chemical could create a potion of Truth" said Meg.

"Yes. But it's sad that saying the truth caused this chaos" stated Brian.

"Well, there are things people don't want to know" pointed Chris.

Everybody looked at him in surprise.

"Who are you and where's the real Chris?" asked Brian, and everybody, including Chris, began to laugh. However, Chris stopped laughing, and glared at them in a very suspicious way.

Meanwhile, in the basement, the real Chris is tied and gagged, crying , trying to break free.

"Well, at least I could hear dad saying that he loves me" said Meg.

"That's a lie, I've never said that!" replied Peter.

Meg then pulled out the recorder, and switched it on.

"_Dad, do you love me?"_

"_Y-yes, I do!"_

Meg switched off the recorder, and smiled mockingly.

"You damn brat!" shouted Peter angered. "Give me that!" said as he tried to grab Meg, but she disappeared leaving a small cloud of fog.

"Sorry dad, better luck next time!" said Meg as she laughed triumphal. Her voice echoed as she was in a distant place.

"Damn Meg! Damn spellbook! And damn innate paternal love!!" shouted Peter frustrated as he stomped the floor several times.

"Peter, you shouldn't be ashamed for loving Meg, she's our daughter and…" tried to said Lois, but was interrupted by Chris.

"Dad loves Meg! Dad loves Meg! Dad loves Meg!" teased Chris, but his joke was cut by his father, who knocked him unconscious.

"Peter, what the hell!?" said Lois before being hit by her husband.

Peter then stared at Brian. For no reason he punched the dog too. Then he slowly moves his head towards the screen.

"What are you looking?" asked Peter angered. "Do you think that I love Meg too?" said before punching the screen, going static.


	13. Not So Bewitched

**Chapter ****13: Not so Bewitched**

Quahog was slowly recovering from the disaster caused by the "beer of truth", as the police stored the tainted beers and the Brewery increased their production so any drunken guy could remain drunk. However, there are still some tainted beers that the police couldn't find.

**Cutaway**

Early in the morning, Lois was cleaning the house as usual, when she heard a loud hit outside followed by a familiar scream, like somebody fell from the roof. Lois went outside and there was Quagmire, in a lot of pain, lying in the ground.

"Glenn!" said Lois in shock "Are you okay?" asked, a bit worried, as she helped her neighbour to stand up.

"Yes…yes…thanks"

"Wait, what were you doing up there?" asked Lois.

"I was spying Meg" said Quagmire "Now that she's 18, she can ride on the Quagmire's tunnel of joy!" said Quagmire happily.

"What?" said Lois in disbelief.

"But don't worry, you can ride with her too!" replied him.

"WHAT?"

"um…giggity?"

Lois then punched hard Quagmire, knocked him unconscious, and went back to her usual house working.

**End Cutaway**

And, speaking of Meg, she's on her room, in her bed. She had a very bad illness.

"Hey, Meg, look what I brought for you" said Peter as he walked in her room holding a big box. "A PS3!"

"Thanks, dad, but it wasn't necessary. I'm not very fan of videogames" said Meg in a weak voice, before coughing.

"Come on sweetie, give it a chance" said Lois as she also walked in. "Your father took the trouble of renting this for you. He also rented this game" said Lois as she handed her daughter a box.

Meg looked at it. It was a copy of _Marvel vs Capcom vs Street Fighter vs Killer Instinct vs Mortal Kombat vs Tekken vs SmackDown vs Raw IV Turbo Beta ex plus: gold edition_.

"May I come in?" asked Matthew's voice from the aisle as he walked in.

"Matt!" said Meg with joy.

"Well, I'll guess you want to stay alone for a while" said Lois "Matt, don't bother her too much, she need to rest"

"I'm okay" said Meg before coughing.

"I'll bring you up later some soup" said Lois as she and Peter left the room.

"So, how do you feel today, honey?" asked Matt.

"Pretty worse than yesterday" replied as she coughed more. "God, I feel so bad…"

Matt then sat near Meg and cuddled her.

"Matt, there's something I want to tell you" said Meg.

"What is it?"

"Please, look below the bed. There's a big book. Bring it here" asked Meg. Matt did it.

"What is this?" asked Matt, as he turned some pages of the book "It seems to be very old…"

"It's a spellbook" said Meg "a _real _spellbook"

Matt then gave Meg such a look for what she just said.

"You don't believe me?" said Meg "Well, look at this"

Meg opened the book in a random page, and recited a spell. Suddenly a bunch of squirrels burst from below the bed, and ran outside the room.

"Aw! Aw! AWWWWWWWWW! Damn squirrels!!" shouted Peter offscreen, along with the sounds of hundreds of tiny bites .

"Wow, you're right, it's real!" said Matt in amazement. "Wait, did you use this for make me falling in love with you?"

"Of course not!" replied Meg, offended.

"Well, it's just that I never understand why I'm the only guy who finds you attractive"

"Hey, I remind you that I had a lot of boyfriends before meeting you!" shouted Meg.

"Meg, please, don't get so angry. Hey, do you have a PS3?" asked Matt when he noticed it.

"Yeah, dad brought it here so I could have some entertainment, since I cannot leave bed" replied Meg.

"Whoa, do you have _Marvel vs Capcom vs Street Fighter vs Killer Instinct vs Mortal Kombat vs…_" Mat then stopped when he was out of breath, and gasped for air. Then continued "_vs Tekken vs SmackDown vs Raw IV Turbo Beta ex plus: gold edition_!"

"Do you want to play a bit?" asked Meg.

"Of course! Besides I'm sure that some harmless passive violence will be good for cheering you up"

"Okay, let's get started…" said Meg as she grabbed a controller and gave the other to her boyfriend.

They switched on the PS3 and the game began. The fist thing they did was setting up the teams. Matthew chose a bad guy team formed by Magneto, Mr. Vison, Scorpio and Heihachi. Meg chose a team formed by random selected characters, who were Spiderman, Randy Orton, Chun Li and Yoshimitsu. The fight began, and Matthew, as expected, defeated Meg's team without sweating.

"Oh.my.god" said Meg in shock "I wasn't able to do anything!" complained.

"Well, you're talking with a master in these games" said Matt proudly. "Do you want a rematch?"

"Sure!" said Meg, now a bit more cheered.

Meg also lost the next rematches, however, each match Meg played better than previous, until she was finally able to defeat Matt when Randy Orton delivered a powerful RKO on Scorpio.

"Yes! I finally won!" said Meg in excitement.

Matt frowned a bit.

"Well, honestly, I wasn't playing good, so you could win at least once, so don't get so cocky!" said Matt, trying to hide his hurt ego.

"Really? Then let's play again, and show me your skill, big boy" teased Meg.

Both played again, but the match was similar to the previous one. This time, Chun Li was beating the crap out of Magneto. Then she switched to Spiderman, and trapped with a spiderweb his rival. The other three characters form Team Meg entered in the fight, and beat Magneto up.

"This is not funny" said Matt.

"Oh, come on, take it easy" said Meg.

"Take it easy?" asked Matt. "Okay, I didn't want to do this, but you forced me too. A rematch?"

"Accept!" said Meg.

The fight began, but this time Matt used some kind of cheat as he summoned…Chuck Norris! Chuck Norris delivered to the entire Meg Team a roundhouse kick, killing them instantly. However, even in a videogame, Chuck's kicks are so powerful that the TV exploded.

Suddenly, Lois entered the room.

"What the hell was that?" asked a bit confused, as she saw the TV.

"Uhh…nothing…" said Meg.

"Anyway, Matt, it's time for you to leave. Meg needs to rest" said Lois.

"But mom! I was just starting to have fun!" begged Meg.

"Your mom's right, honey" said Matt. "You must rest"

"Okay…" said Meg in defeat.

"I call you tonight. Get better!" said Matt a he walked out of the room. He blew her a kiss before leaving. Meg shyly smiled.

Lois then walked towards Meg, and sat on her bed. Then she placed her hand on her daughter's forehead.

"It seems that your fever has lowered" said Lois. "How do you feel?"

"A bit better. I can't believe I'm saying this, but dad got a good idea bringing me that video game" said Meg.

"See? Your dad only wants you to be better, although many times may seem the opposite. Now you should sleep a bit. I'm sure you'll soon be healthy again." Said Lois as she left the room.

Meg then covered with her blankets, and fell asleep.

…

When Meg opened her eyes, there was nothing but darkness.

"Uh? What is this?" asked Meg, confused. "Where am I?"

Meg heard a sinister laugh. Then she realized that she was floating.

"You're in the end of your travel…" said an enigmatic female French voice.

"Who are you?" asked Meg, now in fear.

Suddenly, a woman dressed in black appeared in front of her. Her clothes seemed from the middle ages.

"Who…who are you?"

"My name's Miriam" said the woman, in a French accent "And I am the original owner of your Spellbook!" said, very angered.

"What? No way!" said Meg.

"_Oui,_ I wrote that book. I was a witch who lived with her sisters in the south of France in the XIII century. However my sisters and I wer captured by the Inquisition, tortured and burned to death" revealed the witch

"So you're a …ghost?" asked Meg.

"I guess yes, I'm a ghost, but soon I'll be life again, and YOU are going to help me to do that!" said the witch. "I'm going to take over your body!"

"No way!" replied Meg.

"You have no choice, darling" said Miriam. "Remember that cloud of dust when you opened the book for first time?"

"What about it?"

"That were my ashes!" said Miriam. "My ashes introduced in your body, allowing me to be there as a guest, but without any type of control over it. However, every time you used the book for cast a spell, your body absorbed part of the magical energy unleashed. And with that energy, I'll be able of finally possess you body and come to life again!" said triumphal.

"No, you can't possess me!" begged Meg. "I'm fat! And ugly! And unpopular!"

"Oh, don't worry. When my powers are restored, that won't be any trouble. Now, said _au revoir_ to your body, Megan Griffin!"

"No, no, no…!" Meg shouted, but her voice was lost in the darkness, as she began to lose conscious.

Miriam opened her eyes. She raised up and looked at herself.

"At last!" said, exulted "After 800 years of torment, I did it! I'm alive again!"

Then she looked at herself in the mirror of Meg's dressing table.

"Ewww, she was right! She's fat and ugly!" said Miriam with disgust. "Anyway, I'll guess I can do something about this…"

At the lunch time, everybody (except, obviously, Meg) was at the table ready for lunch. Lois has set the table, and was about to bring Meg her lunch to her room. However, she stoppen when she heard the door of Meg's room opening, and the sound of Meg's steps.

"Meg, sweetheart, do you feel good enough to get up the bed?" asked Lois. However, when everybody saw Meg, they stared at her in shock. Lois even dropped the dish she was holding.

Meg had her hair styled in the same way as she had when she got the makeover, but this time was dyed in pitch black. Also, she had on black eye shadows, black lipstick, was wearing black gothic clothes…let's say that everything in Meg was now black, except her skin, that was pale white.

"Oh my god, it finally happened!" shouted Stewie "Her life was so depressing that she turned into an emo!"

"Meg…are you okay?" asked Brian a bit worried. "I think you should rest a bit more"

"Shh, shut up" whispered Peter to the dog. "This ought to be better than the revelation about Smith's identity".

**Flashback**

The entire family is in the living room watching _Matrix Reloaded_. Specifically, the scene where Neo is fighting for first time the army of Smith clones.

The fight began. The Smiths charged against Neo, however, he used his advanced martial art skills, kicking away the Smiths in a fast motion punches and kicks. However, the Smiths didn't give up that easily, and they charge again. Meanwhile, more Smiths come to the battle. Overwhelmed, Neo grabbed an iron pole, drove it into the ground, and began to spin around the pole, kicking the Smiths in the process. One of the Smiths is kicked in the face, breaking his sunglasses, revealing that it was…

"CHINESE!?" said Neo in confusion, as the battle stopped with a record scratching sound. "You're Chinese?"

In fact, Smith had almond shaped eyes.

"Of course I'm Chinese!" replied Smith. "Otherwise I couldn't replicate into other people." Explained.

"Wait, wait, wait…are you saying that EVERY Chinese guy can do this?" asked Neo.

"Yeah. Why do you think there more than a billion of Chinese people in the world? Or why do you think almost every Chinese guy or girl resembles each other?" asked Smith.

"So…how many original Chinese people are there in the world?" asked Neo.

"I don't know exactly. 10, 12, maybe 15. The rest are clones" explained Smith.

"Oh…shall we continue fighting?"

"Sure!"

The Matrix fighting theme began to play again as the fight resumed.

**End ****Flashback**

**(A/N: ****Sorry if I offended any Chinese people. I just HAD to do it)**

"Oh no…don't worry about me…I feel t_rés bien_" said Meg in a French accent.

"So, do you feel better to go to school?" asked Lois.

"I guess yes…" said Meg.

In the school, like in her home Meg's new look surprised most of the students. Others, however, like Stewie said, didn't were surprised at all. However, nobody noticed her French accent.

"Hello Meg" said Connie as she and her friends walked to Meg. "Beautiful look"

"Um…_merçi_…" replied Miriam.

"Do you think it's beautiful?" asked Lisa. "She seems like a freaking corpse!"

"I know" said Connie. "Because nothing is uglier than Meg _alive_!" said Connie as she and her friends began to laugh.

Miriam glared at them angrily. Her eyes were glowing with an eerie red glow.

"However, my look isn't as beautiful as your hair, _cherie_" said Miriam.

"Of course, my hair is…AHHHHHHHHHH!" screamed Connie when she saw that her hair was turned into a bunch of snakes!

Connie then ran through the hallway, screaming in terror and angst. Her friends followed her. Meg/Miriam laughed with pleasure. The rest of the day at school passed at someone who's reading this chapter would expect: Meg cursed or turned into animals the teachers who reprimanded her, all the boys and girls who called her ugly or any other insults, and set on fire some classes. At the end of the day, hardly anybody in the school was free of Meg/Miriam's evil magic powers, only her boyfriend Matt and few others. The only exception was the French class, where the teacher was very pleased with her. She though that Meg had studied a lot, and congratulated her for her hard work.

Meg/Miriam returned to the Griffin house by the afternoon.

"Meg, are you at home already?" said Lois. "I thought you have to work today in the Gardening Store".

"Ummm…Helen said I could take this day free. She had…some affairs of her own."

Meanwhile, on the gardening store, old lady Helen is fighting with an evil mutant plant.

Back to the Griffin house, Meg notices that the house is very quiet.

"Where are the rest?" asked Meg.

"Peter and Brian are on the Clam, Chris is at his soccer training, and Stewie is in her room sleeping." Said Lois.

"So, we're alone, _ce n'est pas?_" asked Meg.

"Yes. Would you like to practice some piano with me?" asked Lois.

"Yes, why not?" replied Meg.

"Okay. Wait here. I'm going to bring the score" said Lois before going upstairs.

When Lois came back, the room was empty.

"Meg? Where are you…?" said Lois before Meg hit her with a frying pan, knocking her unconscious.

When Lois opened her eyes, she felt a headache. She was in the basement. She saw that her hands were tied to the ceiling, and around her was set the scenario for some kind of dark ritual, such like candles, runes, skulls and other satanic stuff. In front of her was Meg, holding the spellbook.

"Meg, what are you doing?" asked Lois.

"_Tais-toi!_" shouted Meg.

"Meg, honey, if this is for reading your diary, I swear that…"

"There's nothing you can say for stop your doom, _mademoiselle_ Griffin." Said Meg.

"Wait…you…you aren't Meg!" said Lois in realization.

"Bravo! You finally realized. However, you're a bit too late" said Meg.

"What have you done with my daughter!?" asked Lois, with fear and anger.

"The same thing I'm going to do with YOU!" said Miriam with emphasis. "I'm going to use your body for bring back my sister to life. Now, stand still. This won't hurt" said Meg, before casting an array of green lightings to her mother. Lois levitated in the air as she was shouting in pain.

"You said this won't hurt!" cried Lois.

"And I LIED!" laughed Meg in a very sadistic manner. "I'm an evil witch, what did you expect?"

"You're not a witch, but a BITCH!" shouted Lois. "Hey, did you notice that witch and bitch almost sound the same?"

"Enough chitchat!" shouted Meg "Lorraine, my dear sister, take the body I offer you, and come to life once more!"

After the ritual, Meg untied Lois, and put her lying on the floor. Suddenly Lois began to regain consciousness.

"Lorraine?"

"Uh…where am I?..._Qui est-ce vous?_" asked Lois, who had now the same gothic makeover and cloths as Meg.

"_C'est moi, Miriam_" replied Meg.

"Miriam…Is that you? What happened?" asked Lois.

"After we were burned to death, I was able to keep my spirit in this world. I was able to possess a body, recover our book and place your soul in this body." Explained Meg.

Lois leaned up, and went upstairs. She then looked at herself in a mirror.

"You wouldn't get hurt if you'd found me a body a bit…younger, _ne c'est pas_?" complained Lois.

"Hey, I did what I could! My body isn't Miss Universe, you know. Oh, in an unrelated note, 800 years had passed since our deaths. But you can use the memories of your new body for adapt" said Meg.

"What about Jeanne?" asked Lois.

"I still need to found a body for her. But I guess it won't be any trouble". Said Meg.

In that moment, Brian entered in the house.

"Hello everybody…Lois, you too?" asked Brian when he saw Lois' new look.

"Me too what?" asked Lois.

"It's some kind of new fashion?" asked Brian. "Anyway, remember, tonight, Jillian comes to have dinner with us" said Brian.

"Oh, don't worry, Brian" said Meg "We'll prepare something very special for her" said Meg in a very dark and sinister tone.

"Ummm…okay" said the dog before leaving.

Later that night, everybody is in the kitchen having dinner with Jillian, just as Brian said. They also invited Matt.

"You're not going to believe what happened today!" exclaimed Jillian, very excited.

"Let me guess, you found your brain!" said Stewie, sarcastic as always.

"My brain is just here, silly!" said Jillian as she pointed to her breasts.

"Wow! Then you must be the smartest girl I've ever met!" said Chris in amazement.

Brian then grabbed softly Jillian's hand, and moved up until her finger pointed to her head.

"Jillian…the brain is _there_" said Brian, full of shame.

"Anyway, what did happen to you?" asked Peter.

"I saw an UFO!" said Jillian.

"Really?" asked Matt

"Yes, and it kept following me!"

"Come on Jillian, I'm sure it wasn't an UFO" said Brian.

"Do you think so? Well, Mr Skeptical, I took a picture of it!" said Jillian before search the photo in her purse. "Here it is"

She showed the picture to the Griffins. Peter and Chris looked at the photo stunned in amaze. However, the rest stared at her giving her such a look.

"Jillian…that's the moon" said Brian.

"Oh…"

"Um, Jillian?" said Meg. "Would you like to come with Lorraine-I mean, with mom and me to the basement? There's something we must show you" said Meg as she and Lois glanced at each other with complicity.

"What is it?" asked the blonde girl.

"ummm…candies?" said Lois.

"I love candies! Let's go!" said Jillian happily.

The girls then left the kitchen.

"Meg and Lois are acting weird lately, don't they?" asked Brian.

"Indeed" said Matt, "There's something wrong with them"

"Of course there's something wrong with them, Matthew" said Stewie, as he was saying something obvious. "Look at Meg, for instance. EVERYTHING is wrong with her. And the vile woman…well, let's not talk about her…I prefer to KILL her"

"Oh, come on, what could be wrong with them? It's not like they have been possessed by the spirits of evil witches and are attempting to take over the world" said Peter. Then everybody heard a huge explosion coming from outside. Concerned, all the boys left the house an went to the street. To their shock, there were Meg, Lois, and Jillian, mounted in flying broomsticks. Jillian was also 'converted', and had a gothic look, with her hair dyed in pale white with some black streaks.

"What the hell is going on?" asked Peter.

"Finally, my sisters are alive again!" shouted Meg, triumphal.

"What the hell are you talking about?" asked Brian.

"My name's Miriam and these are my sisters Lorraine and Jeanne. We were three witches who lived in France in the XIII century. We were sadly captured by the inquisition and burned to death. However, we were able to possess these bodies. And now, nobody will stop us in our way to rule the world!" said.

"Hey, that's my line!" complained Stewie.

"Hey, when we're done with these world domination thing, can we go to pick fireflies?" asked Jillian. "I love fireflies"

"Fireflies? Where?" said Lois.

"Up there" said Jillian as she pointed the ski. Meg and Lois stared at her blankly.

"Those are the stars, Jeanne" said Meg.

"And that big one…?"

"The moon, Jeanne, the moon…" sighed Lois. "Oh, and before I forget about…" said Lois as she casted a spell on Peter. Peter then suddenly shrank down to 4 inches.

"Crap, shrunken again!" complained Peter. "This is worst that being Jack Bauer's roommate" said Peter.

**Flashback**

Peter is in a single apartment's kitchen making breakfast. Jack Bauer walks towards him.

"Hello Peter, what are you doing for breakfast?" asked Jack.

"Beacon with fried eggs" replied Peter.

"You add them salt?" asked Jack again.

"Yes" said Peter. Suddenly Jack pulls out a gun and shots him in the knee. "AHHHHHHH! What the hell was that for!?"

"I don't like it with salt" said Jack.

**End Flashback**

Lois then flied towards Peter, and swiftly grabbed him with ease, and put him inside a jar.

"I'll save you for later" said Lois slyly.

"What the hell did you do that?" asked Meg.

"I don't know. This body feels an uncanny attraction for that fat guy. It's just weird!" said Lois.

"Anyway, Jeanne, can you get rid of those nuisances?" said Meg, pointed to her family.

"Crap! Everybody, get in the house!" shouted Brian, and everybody obeyed him. However, that wouldn't protect them from Jeanne's powers.

Jillian leaned back her head, and took a lot of air. Then she leaned her head forward, and blew a huge gale-force cold wind, that covered instantly with ice the griffin household, trapping Brian an the others inside.

"Well done, now let's go!" said Meg, as she and the others flied away.

Minutes later, the three witches are in front of a graveyard. The three of them were casting all together the same spell.

"By the power of the darkness, raise, zombies, raise and serve your masters!" shouted Meg. However, nothing happened.

"Excuse me, flying ladies" said the graveyards gravedigger. "Are you trying to raise zombies from the corpses?"

"Yes! What about it?" asked Meg.

"Well, it'll be futile. Mayor West covered all the graves with cement, so nobody could revive them." Explained the man.

"So, it seem we must pay that Mayor West a visit" said Lois. "Where can we find him?"

"He's in the town hall. I humbly suggest that, if you're trying to take over the town, to go there and overthrow him" said the man. "He's in the Town hall"

"Thank you for the advice" said Jillian, as she and the others flied away. "What a nice guy…"

"Okay sisters, get ready for a hard battle. That Mayor West prevented our intention to raise an army of zombies. He must be a very clever and cunning man, so he may set a trap and be waiting for us." Advised Meg.

Meanwhile, in the town hall, Mayor West is in his office…playing with legos. He built a replicateof Quahog with legos, and he's playing he's some kind of superhero.

"Oh, I'm trapped in my burning house!" said West in a effeminate voice "Who's going to help me now?"

"Don't worry, young lady, here's Quahog greates superhero, Mayor West!" replied West in his normal voice. Suddenly, a huge explosion opened a hole in the roof, and the three witches surrounded him, still flying.

"Surrender, fool, or die!" menaced Meg.

"Ha! Do you think you scare me? Look at this! I have a gun!" said West as he pointed Meg with and invisible gun.

Lois then casted a spell on him, and turned West into a crab!

"Well done, that guy was quite irritating" said Meg. "Well, now that the Town Hall is us, we must plan our next move. You two go to rest. I'll see what we'll do first…

Meanwhile, back at the Griffin household, everybody is trying to break free from the house, however is futile.

"Crap, this is useless" said Matt "This ice is too hard"

"What are we going to do?" said Chris.

"I don't know, but we cannot stand here doing nothing. I know, I'll try to search some information on the internet about them. Meg sai that they were captured and killed, so they must have some weakness"

"Well though" said Matt "I'll keep trying to find a way to get out of here"

"I can't believe that bitch is now a witch!" complained Stewie, in anger. "Hey, did you notice that bitch and witch almost sound the same?"

"Hey, look at the news!" said Chris as the others gathered around the TV.

"…and the popular cartoon series Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles has been censored by the FCC" said Tom.

"The reason? They argued that the main characters were completely naked, and inducted to zoophile" said Diane.

"Oh, the freaking FCC strikes again" complained Tom. "Zoophile, hat's ridiculous!"

**Cutaway**

Some random guy is half naked in his bedroom. In the bed lies a turtle.

"Okay Stacey…nobody but us at home…we're going to have so much fun…" said the guy seductively as he switched off the lights

**End Cutaway**

"On our local news, a trio of evil witches has took over the Town Hall. " said Tom "Our resources said that they were trying to raise an army of undead, however, one Mayor West apparently useless measures saved the day".

"Will this end in a world where that magical psychos rule over everything? Find tonight at 11" said Diane.

"So , the witches are the rulers of Quahog, and they are going to take over the world" said Matt.

"Well, dad's with them. Maybe he can do something for stop them" said Chris.

"Yes, we must have high hopes for that" said Stewie sarcastically "Trust the fate of the world in a man who's dumber than a rock"

"That must deal with three women armed with magical abilities" added Matt "And it's now 4 inches tall"

"God, we're soooooo doomed…" said Brian, hopeless.

Meanwhile in one of the Town Hall rooms, Lois has Peter still inside the jar. She snapped her fingers, and Peter regained her regular size, breaking the jar in the process. They were in a dark room, illuminated with candles. There also was a bed with pink blankets.

"What…what are you doing to do with me?" asked Peter, a bit scared.

"Oh, nothing you have to worry about, _cheri_" said Lois seductively as she jumped to the bed, and began to undress.

"Wait, do you want to…do it?" asked Peter.

"Let me guess, I'm here half naked, lying on a bed in a very seductive pose, and you ask if I want to do it?" asked sarcastically. "WHAT DO YOU THINK?"

"I don't know if Lois would like this…" said Peter.

"Oh, don't worry about her. She would be pleased. I know it well" said Lois.

"Okay then! Since you're possessing Lois' body, it won't count as cheating!" said Peter happily as he jumped to the bed, and began to make it passionately.

Half an hour later…

"Oh, god, Peter, that was…AWESOME!" said Lois, pleasured.

"You were also very good, Lorraine" replied Peter.

"LORRAINE!?" asked Lois, as she suddenly was filled with rage. "WHO THE HELL IS SHE?"

"Wait a minute…" said Peter after noticing that Lois had lost her gothic makeover and her French accent. "Is that you?"

"No, I'm Woody Woodpecker!" replied "Of course I'm Lois! And tell me who's that Lorraine!" demanded Lois.

Peter then told her the story of the witches. How they possessed her, meg and Jillian, and were trying to rule over the world.

"Yes, I remember that Meg was using me for some kind of satanic ritual…" said Lois "We must break out of here!"

"What the hell is this fuss?" asked Meg as she and Jillian wlaked into the room. Then they saw Peter completely naked "OH MY GOD!" shouted as she throwed up. "PUT SOMETHING ON!" shouted angered as she was trying to avoid visual contact with Peter. Peter then quickly dressed. "_Merçi_, much better"

"Lorraine, what the hell are you doing with him?" asked Jillian. "Wait…you're not Lorraine!"

"Sisters, help me!" shouted the ghost f Lorraine.

"Lorraine! What happened?" asked Meg.

"I was forced to leave the body!"

"Why? Did he use some kind of exorcism or…?"

"She was doing IT with HIM!" said the ghost "Do you need any more explaination?"

"And now you're going to leave those bodies or else…!" threatened Peter.

"Or else what?" asked Meg "What are you going to do? Killing us with your farts?" said Meg as she, Jillian, and Lois began to laugh.

"Lois!" complained Peter.

"Sorry, it's just…it was too funny" said as she wiped tears of her eyes.

"Well, actually, yes!" said Peter before facing his ass to the witches, and farted. However, before farting, Peter held one of the room's candles in front of his ass, and the result was a huge fire blast. The witches dodged it; however, Meg dropped the book.

"Jeanne! The book!" commanded Meg.

"Peter!" shouted Lois.

Both Peter and Jillian dived after the book, but knocked their heads together and knock each other out. Lois jumped over then and grabbed the book.

"Peter! I got the book! Let's get out of here!" said Lois.

Peter then grabbed Lois, a broomstick and jumped through the window.

"PETER WHAT THE HELL!?" panicked Lois

"Come on Lois, fly just like some hours ago!" said Peter before falling to the ground. Needless to say that Peter fall over Lois.

"Peter, I'm NOT a witch! I can't fly!"

"Oh…sorry" excused Peter.

After recovering of the hard fall, they headed to the Griffin house.

"They're escaping!" shouted Meg "Jeanne, quick, to the broomsticks!"

Meg then mounted on her flying broomstick and began to chase her parents. However, she stopped when noticed that she was alone. She went back to the town hall, and she saw that Jillian was sweeping the room.

"Jeanne, what the hell are you doing?" asked Meg in disbelief.

"What do you think, silly? Brooms are for sweeping!" replied Jillian.

"We're WITCHES! We use the brooms for FLY!" shouted Meg angrily.

"Hey, I know that I'm a witch, you don't have to be bitching everytime…hey, did you notice that bitch and witch almost sound the same?"

"Stop fooling around! We must recover that book!" said Meg as they left the place flying.

Meanwhile, Peter and Lois made their way to their home, which was now covered in ice. However, Peter could bring down the door with his Flame-Farting attack.

"Peter! Lois!" shouted Brian in excitement as they saw them. "You escaped!" said the dog.

"How did you manage to escape?" asked Matthew.

"Somehow Peter was able to force the witch who was possessing me to leave my body, she then fought the witches, recovered the spellbook and managed to break free from the town hall" explained Lois.

Brian stared at her blankly.

"No, seriously, how did you manage to escape?" asked the dog.

"There's no time for talking, we must find a way to free Meg and Jillian" interjected Matt "Brian, did you found something useful?"

"Yes. It seems that holy water prevents them for using their powers for s short period of time. That's how they captured them for first time" said brian.

"Hey, did you noticed that the witches, although having full control over their bodies, they inherit some of the hosts features? For example, the witch that was possessing Lois was still attracted to Peter" said Matt.

"And the witch who possessed Jillian is as dumb as her" said Brian. "maybe we can use that in our benefit"

Just like happened in the town hall, the witches opened a hole in the house's roof, flying into scene on their flying broomsticks.

"Okay, I'm not going to fool around anymore. Give me that book!" demanded Meg.

"Lois!" shouted Matt as he was running outside. Lois threw him the book, and he caught it in the nick of time. Matt then ran outside and started his motorbike, running away down the street.

"Do you think you can run from me with that?" teased Meg "Okay, Jeanne, kill them, I'm going to teach that brat a lesson!" and then Meg flied away.

Jeanne then glared at the Griffins. "Okay, how could I kill you…?"

Brian then took a step forward and sighed._"I didn't want to do this…but there's no choice_"

"Jeanne, before killing us, answer me a question"

"What is it?" asked Jillian.

"If I have five apples and I eat three of them, how many apples are left?" asked Brian.

Jillian then began to think about it. She even was using her fingers to count. However, that simply mathematic operation was too much for Jillian's subatomic brian, which quickly overloaded. She then held her head in pain.

"AHHHHHH! My non-existent brain! It hurts" shouted. Smoke began to come out of her ears. "Must…leave…this body!" shouted Jillian as she fellunconscious from her broomstick. As Lois before her, she recovered her usual appearance.

Brian put lied her on the couch.

"oogy? I had an horrible nightmare…apples…millions of apples…apples everywhere…and I had to count them all…" said in a weak voice before falling again unconscious.

"Okay, two are over, one more to go" said Peter.

"We need to go to the nearest church for holy water" said Brian.

"Okay, to the Peter-ship!" shouted Peter. Everybody then stared at him blankly.

"Let's take the station wagon instead" said Lois.

Meanwhile, Matt's Honda Shadow rushed down the streets of Quahog, with Meg chasing him in her flying broomstick.

"Give me back that book!" demanded as she casted a lighting on Matt. However, it missed.

Matt then turned to the right and interned into a tunnel. Meg overflew the tunnel and waited him at the exit.

"You cannot escape from the wrath of Miriam! Now give up!" Shouted Meg.

"Never!"

Matt turned around and exited the tunnel the same way he entered it, much to Meg's annoyance.

The chase continued until Meg finally cornered Matt into a dead end.

"This is your end. Now give me that book and I'll give you a quick and painless death!"

"Like hell you will!" shouted Lois from behind, as she sprayed her daughter with a water gun.

"What the hell are you doing? Water?" laughed Meg. But then her broomstick was no longer able to fly. "What's happening? My powers are fading! Oh crap, that was holy water!"

"Grab her!" shouted Peter, and everybody jumped on her.

"Man, that was necessary?" asked Matt "You're going to suffocate her!"

Back at the Griffin home, meg's tied to a chair, in front of the entire family (except Jillian, who's unconscious on the couch).

"What are you going to do with me?" asked Meg with defiance "I have no fear! I've been tortured by the inquisition! There's nothing you can do for making me to leave this body, although is fat an ugly!"

"Okay, nobody calls my girlfriend fat and ugly! Even if it's my own girlfriend! Man, that sounded weird…" said Matt.

"Don't worry, I have the worst method of torture the mankind know." Said Peter, as she took Meg upstairs.

Hours later, Meg's loud screams can be heard through the entire house.

"What kind of torture must be doing to Meg?" asked Matt worried.

"I can't resist anymore!" said Lois "I'm going to tell him to stop! I can't stand hearing anymore those shouts!"

"No!" interjected Brian "You must be strong and wait. This must sound odd, but Peter knows what he's doing".

"Will you leave Meg's body?" asked Peter.

"Okay, okay, I surrender!" said Meg. Moments later, Peter and Meg walked down the stairs and entered in the living room. Meg's appearance was her usual. Lois and Matt rushed for hug her.

"Mom?…Matt?" asked Meg in a weak voice "what happened?"

"God, it's finally over…" said Lois

"Don't worry Meg, everything is just fine" said Matt.

"Peter, how did you drive ou Miriam's spirit from Meg's body?" asked Brian.

"Easy. I forced her to watch video game based movies, just like _Super Mario Bros, Resident Evil, House of the Dead, Dead or Alive_...but it was _Final Fantasy: the Spirit Within _when she couldn't resist anymore!" laughed Peterer."Hey, how about some special dinner for celebrate that we recovered Lois and Jillian?" said Peter

"And Meg" asked Matt.

"Yeah…and Meg"

"Who wants an Apple Pie?" said Lois.

"A…apples?" said Jillian, who had regained her conscious. Her eyes opened very wide. "AAHHHHHHH!" screamed in terror as she jumped through the window.

"Weird…" said Stewie. "Even for _her_"

**End Chapter**

**Some notes:**

**1.- Tomorrow is my 21st birthday! And i'd like to have as birthday present lots of reviews of this chapter ;)**

**2.- Check my rant about the Meg Bashing in the Meg Forum! The Topic is ""Do you like Meg?". See the lasts posts.**

**3.-Speaking of the forum, how about making a thread where we can discuss about Meg based stories? I was going to open one, but there's no point if nobody is going to participate, or even visit it. We could talk about best moments, best flashbacks, OCs, situations, share ideas for stories or chapters...what do you think?.**

**That's all. I hope you enjoyed this chapter (is my longest chapter), and don't forget to frame any mistake I could make in the story. Also, everybody could feel free for post any idea for a future chapters.**

**See you soon!**


	14. Lost

Chapter 14:

**Chapter 14: ****Lost (Not **_**that **_**Lost)**

It was a hot afternoon in Quahog, and, as almost all afternoons, Meg was working in the gardening store, tiding up the sacks of seeds and fertilizer, watering the plants. Matt and her sister Sophie were with her, helping as possible.

"Ensure that all plants have enough water" explained Meg "With this heat they're prone to get dried up"

"Don't worry, all under control here" joke Matt "Right, sis?" However, there was nothing in response. "Sophie?"

"I'm here!" said as she came downstairs from the basement.

"Where were you, young lady?" asked Matt in a very strict tone.

"There's a speaking plant in the basement! It's so cool!" shouted Sophie in excitement. "Matt, can you buy me a talking plant like that?"

Both Matt and Meg laughed loudly.

"Sophie, talking plants don't exist" said Meg.

"But I-nevermind" said, in defeat. Why in the world nobody believe what the kids say?

Suddenly, Brian walks into the store.

"Hello Brian!" saluted Meg, happy to see him. "What do you brought here?"

"Meg?!" asked Brian, surprised to see her. "What are you doing here?"

"I work here, remember?" said Meg. "Anyway, what do you want?"

"Where's Helen?" asked the dog again. For some strange reason, he didn't feel comfortable with Meg attending him.

"She went out for some business of her own, and left me in charge. What do you want?" asked again Meg, now a bit annoyed.

"It's…ummm…its's…my…" the dog muttered.

"Special deliver?" asked Meg.

"Y-y-es, special deliver!" said finally.

"Here's your pot" said Meg as she handed a paper bag to the dog. "Anyway, how's Jillian after…you know…" asked Meg

"Pretty worse. I think I traumatized her for life".

**Flashback**

Brian enters in Jillian's apartment holding a wrapping box.

"Jillian? Where are you?" asked Brian.

"Right here, oogy" replied Jillian. She then went to the hall, and saw her boyfriend holding a wrapped box.

"Today is six months since we met for first time!" said Brian "I bought this for you"

"Oh, oogy, you're so nice. I forgot to buy you something" excused Jillian.

"Don't worry, just open it"

Jillian unwrapped the box, and it was a laptop computer.

"Oh, thank you!" said Jillian before hugging the dog. Then she took a closer look to her present. "Wait, it's an…Apple?"

"Yes. They told me that Apple computers where pretty good"

"apple…apples…APPLES!!AHHHHHHHHH!" screamed Jillian as she ran away and jumped through the window.

**End Flashback**

"You shouldn't feel guilty about that" said Meg "You just did what you have to do" said Meg, trying to cheer up the dog.

"I guess you're right. Okay, I'm going back to home" said Brian. "Oh, and Meg, you haven't seen me here, right?"

"Don't worry" said Meg as she smiled at the dog.

"Hey, Brian, can I go with you?" said Sophie "I'd want to play with Stewie"

"Of course, honey, if brother agrees" said Brian as he looked to Matt.

"Have fun" was the only thing that he said.

Brian and Sophie left the store. Suddenly, both Matt and Meg stopped what they were doing and began to kiss each other passionately.

"God, I swear that I couldn't resist anymore!" said Meg, excited, as she undressed her boyfriend. "The temperature isn't the only **hot** thing today!"

"Yeah, me too!" replied Matt, but he suddenly stopped. "Meg, wait, I forgot my condoms!"

"Don't worry, I'm wearing a diaphragm" said Meg.

"You're Meg-nificent" said Matt, as both laughed a bit,and began to make love.

Meanwhile, at the Griffin household, Peter, wearing nothing but his underwear is watching TV as usual.

"In our local news, a massive wave of heat is hitting Quahog" said Tom Tucker, who wasn't wearing his blue jacked and had her tie loosened.

"That's right, Tom" said Diane, who wasn't wearing her jacket and had the sleeves of her shirt rolled up. "The first effects of the wave of heat that we noticed is that the sales of air conditioning units had increased a lot during this week"

"And now we go to our asian reporter Tricia Takanawa, who's at the Quahog Mall, Tricia?"

The camera then cut to Tricia who was fighting with a lot of people trying to pick one of the few air conditioners that were left.

"GET YOUR F(beep!)ING HANDS OF MY AC, YOU BASTARD!" shouted the Japanese woman as she knocked out the man whom was fighting, taking the AC. "As you can see, Tom, hysteria had spread between the Quahonians, who struggle for get the lasts AC on store. I was between the few lucky people who got one and-AHHH!" shouted as she was tackled by a bunch of people, trying to steal her AC.

"Thank you Tricia" said Diane, nonchalantly as ever. "And no we go to Ollie Williams with his though about this, Ollie?"

"I'M BURNING!" said Ollie, who was set on fire.

"That's because it's very hot here, Ollie" said Tom.

Peter then turned off the TV and opened a can of beer.

"Puagghhhh!" said Peter as he spat the beer. It was awfully hot. Then he stared at the puddle of beer in the floor. He then quickly looked right and left for ensuring that nobody was there, and then he began to suck the beer from the floor. However, he was interrupted by Lois, who entered in the house. She was all beaten up, and her clothes were tattered.

"Any luck?" asked Peter.

"Nope. All the ACs were sold out" replied Lois sadly. "It seems that we must find an alternative way to fight the heat."

"Yeah. God, I wish we'd have some kind of magic book. Y-you know what I'm saying? A magic book which we could use for change the weather. God, it's too bad that nobody in this family has a spell book." Said Peter. Suddenly, Peter's single brain cell began to work hard, increasing Peter's intelligence for some moments. "Hey, Meg has a spell book like that!"

"Oh, no!" said Lois "I know what are you thinking now and I won't let you use Meg's spell book for change the weather!" said Lois.

"Why did you say that?" asked Peter, a bit confused. "I was thinking that we should try to make MTV to stop airing such crappy programs, but that sound even better!"

Peter ran to Meg's bedroom, followed by Lois.

Minutes later, Brian arrived at home with Sophie. Stewie, who was in the living room watching TV glanced at them terrified.

"Stewie!" shouted Sophie "Let's go to play with your toys!" said excited.

"Um…yeah, ehm…I've got some…colouring books in my room…you can colour them, I'll be there in a while" said Stewie, toneless.

Sophie walked upstairs happily.

"Why the hell did you brought that brat here?" asked an angered Stewie to Brian.

"Why do you hate her so much? She's only a lonely little girl who wants to be your friend" said Brian.

"Because she's only a naughty brat, that's why!! She's always messing with my things"

**Flashback**

Sophie s at Stewie's room playing.

"Hey, what's this gun for?" asked Sophie, who was holding a raygun.

"NO!" shouted Stewie

Sophie shot Stewie, turning him into a bee.

**Another Flashback**

"Hey, what's this machine for?" asked Sophie, before turning it on.

"NO!" shouted Stewie.

The whole Earth travels back in time to the prehistoric era.

**Yet ****another Flashback**

"Hey, what's this button for?" asked Sophie before pressing a big red, glowing button with inscription 'do not touch' on it.

"NOOOOOOOOO!" screamed Stewie.

The camera then skips to a HUGE nuclear blast that devastates Quahog.

"I hope you're happy now…" muttered Stewie from the rubbles.

**End of Flashbacks**

"Okay, I guess I can give that brat another chance…" said Stewie before walking upstairs to his bedroom. There was Sophie colouring something.

"Your colouring books are cool!" said the girl. "These aren't on normal stores"

"What the…MY DESIGNS!!" said Stewie horrified after realizing that she was colouring the designs of a new type of combat robotic armor.

"What?"

"Those aren't for play!" said Stewie before looking at them closely. "Wait, this is a project I gave up long ago"

"Your point?" asked Sophie.

"You can have it"

"Thanks Stewie! You're the best!" said Sophie, full of joy. Then she looked at a strange machine. "Hey, what's this handle for?" said before pull it.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

Back at Meg's room, Peter had made a mess of Meg's room in his search of the spell book until finally found it.

"Okay, there must be some spell for change the weather" said Peter, turning the pages of the book.

"You know, I don't feel comfortable doing this. We should ask Meg first, I'm sure that she'll agree on us" said Lois.

"I don't think so. Meg is the meanest person I've ever met" said Peter.

**Flashback**

Peter is sat in the couch watching TV as usual, when Meg approaches to him, holding a platter.

"Hello dad. How was your day?" asked Meg.

"Shhh, I'm trying to watch TV" replied Peter in annoyance.

"I guess that you must be tired, so I prepared your favourite sandwich" said Meg before leaving the platter in the couch.

Without say anything in response or even thanks her, Peter took a bite of the sandwich. Then he stopped, lokked at the sandwich and then glared at Meg.

"You removed the crust" said Peter.

"Yes."

"I like it with the crust!!" shouted Peter in a very childish manner.

"S-sorry dad, I'll make you another sandwich!" said Meg, almost sobbing.

Peter then took the platter and threw it at Meg. Luckily, Meg dodged it and the platter broke into pieces against a wall. Meg ran away screaming in terror.

"Why? Why god had punished me with such an awful daughter?"

**End Flashback**

"A-ha! Here it is!" said Peter in triumph. He casted the spell, which consisted in a very strange poem about winter and a ridiculous dance. "Okay, now the weather should be a little cooler" said Peter.

"Peter, are you sure you did it right?" said Lois, as she was tiding up her daughter's room.

"Lois, I'm as sure of this as that guy of the news was sure about committing suicide" said Peter.

**Flashback**

Tricia Takanawa was in front of the Quahog City Hall.

"Behind me you can see the Quahog City Hall, where some guy is in the top of it and is attempting to throwing himself . However, it seems that nobody cares about it".

"Im going to jump!" said the guy. "I'm REALLY going to jump! Did you hear me? I'm going to jump!"

"Okay, we heard you the first time" said a random man. "God, these guys are such a pain in the neck"

"Nobody is going to call to the police? Or even tell me not to jump? Because I'm going to jump!" shouted the guy, a bit annoyed for the lack of attention.

"Jump once for all!" shouted a woman.

"Crap, there's no point in suicide if nobody is watching" finally said the guy. "I better get down here before-" said the man before trip and fall to the ground.

"Oh my god, this man jumped from the City Hall!" shouted a man who just watched the scene. "If I was here a minute sooner, I'd call the police and tried to convince him not to jump" said the man.

**End Flashback**

Peter woke up very excited the next morning. He wanted to check the effects of his spell as soon as possible. He put on a robe and went downstairs, running with excitement. When he opened the door, he saw much more than he expected: the entire street was covered in snow. In fact, it was snowing.

"EVERYBODY, WAKE UP!!" shouted Peter in excitement. "Quickly, come here The entire family, still in their pajamas, rushed to the living room.

"What is it?" asked Lois, worried, with Stewie in her arms. "Some burglars robbed us again?"

"No! Look, it worked!" said Peter as he pointed to the snowy street. "We're no longer going to suffer from hot!"

"Hey Chris, did you ever ask yourself how the snow tastes?" teased Stewie in a malicious tone.

"No, but I'm going to find it out!" said Chris before eating a lot of snow. "Owwwww, my brain…"

"I can't believe that it's actually snowing and…hey, wait a minute, what did you mean by 'it worked'?" asked Meg as she looked at Peter very angrily.

"Meg if you're thinking that I entered in your room without your permission, when you weren't there, I messed up your room in order to find your spell book, cast a spell to change the weather and post your diary on the internet, you're wrong!" said Peter.

"WHAT? I can't believe you entered in my room! You just violated my privacy!" said Meg very angry.

"No, he didn't, silly" said Chris. "He said that he didn't do that"

Later, everybody, now dressed with winter clothes, is playing in the snow. Matt and Sophie are also there.

"Hello, Matt!" said Meg as he greeted him with a kiss.

"Hello, honey" said Matt as he kissed her back. "Yesterday was so hot that you could fry an egg in the road, and today's snowing! Did you have something to do with this?" asked Matt.

"Not exactly" said Meg "My dad did"

"Well, it's a nice change; however he went too far with the snow. I had to rent a snow jet ski in order to get here"

"Hey, Mattie, close your eyes, I have a big surprise for you" said Meg in a very seductive tone.

"Okay…" said Matt as he closed his eyes just like Meg told to. He also put his lips as he was about to kiss somebody.

"Don't open it until I tell you" said Meg again.

"Don't worry" replied Matt.

"Okay, now you can open it" said Meg.

Matt opened his eyes as Meg told to, and the first thing he saw was a snowball headed to him. And, in fact, it hit him in the face. The hit also made him to lost his balance, falling to the ground.

"You fell for it!" laughed Meg.

"AHHHH!" shouted Matt in pain. "MY EYES! I CAN'T SEE ANYTHING!"

"OH MY GOD!" said Meg when she realized that she may really hurt her boyfriend. She quickly ran towards him. "Matt, sorry, I didn't want to hurt you!" said Meg as she helped him to stand up. "Are you okay?"

"Y-yes…" said Matt "But you WON'T!" said before hit Meg with another snowball.

"Aw! You deceived me!" said Meg angrily.

"Well, you deceived before, so we're quits" said Matt.

"Oh, no, we AREN'T!" said Meg as she threw Matt another snowball.

They engaged into a snowball fight, which promptly lead into wrestling in the snow. They rolled, kicked, made each other to eat snow, until finally both were rolling down a small slope, while laughing. They remained lied on the snow, glancing at each other in a very loving way.

"Moments like this make me realize how luckily I am for being with you…" said Matt.

"Me too" replied Meg "Before meeting you, I though that I'd end alone and unloved, living at the age of 65 in a small apartment with 20 or 30 cats. " said Meg

Matt then laughed at the comment.

"Really?" said Matt, as he was trying to hold back his laughter. "I didn't know you were so desperate" added Matt.

"Don't dare to laugh about that!" said Meg, a bit angered. "My life was very rough"

"Oh, and what happened to all boyfriends of yours?" teased Matt.

"They dumped me" said Meg sadly, as she remembered each moment.

Matt noticed this, and moved closer to her.

"Don't worry Meg, I'd never leave you" said Matt.

Meg smiled at this statement shyly, and blushed a little.

"_That's why I'm so __luckily for being with you"_ Though Meg

"Hey, it's just me or it's getting cold in here?" said Meg, as she noticed that a cold wind was beginning to blow.

"Do you still wear the diaphragm?" asked Matt.

"Yes, why?" asked Meg.

"Because I have a very nice way to get a bit warmed" said Matt slyly.

Meanwhile, Stewie and Sophie were playing on the snow. Both are pushing a sled up to a snow of hill.

"Stewie, let's stop, I'm tired" complained the girl.

"Don't be such a weakling, we're almost on top" said Stewie.

They finally reached the top of the hill, and both got in the sled.

"Okay, are you ready?" asked Stewie.

"I don't know. We are too high" said Sophie, a bit scared.

Stewie looked down, and saw a bunch of clouds covering the surface of the earth.

"Nah, it's okay. Now, let's go!"

The sled began to slide slowly down the snowy hill, but it quickly gained more and more speed.

"Okay, now just relax and enjoy the time here" said Stewie before pressing a button. Suddenly, the entire sled was covered by some kind of metallic small building, but its interior looked like a wooden cabin. Inside was a couple of armchairs and a hearth. Cron, Stewie's majordomo walked to them.

"Tea, Mr Griffin?" asked Crone.

"Yes Crone." Said Stewie gently.

"Tea, young lady?" asked Crone to Sophie.

"Mr. Griffin, do you want to see the course of the sled?" asked Crone, as he opened a window. They were going to crash against a tree.

"NOOOOO!" shouted Stewie. "Not again!"

The sled shattered into pieces and their occupants and flung off it, both landing into a pile of snow. Stewie stood up, and spitted some snow.

"Crap, that was worst than that time Lois wanted us to become vegetarians.

**Flashback**

At lunch time, everybody is sitting at the table, as Lois is serving the food, which it consisted in a various platefuls of vegetables and fruit salad.

"Lois, what the hell is this?" asked an annoyed Peter, who didn't enjoy the idea of eat only vegetables.

"I though that you eat too much meat and greasy food, so from now on we will eat only fruit and vegetables" explained Lois.

"You fiend!" shouted Chris "Vegetables are people too!"

**End Flashback**

"Yes, it was pretty worse, wasn't it, Rupert?" asked Stewie to his teddy bear, but surprisingly (for him) he had no answer. "Rupert?" asked again. "Rupert, where are you? Answer me!!" pleaded.

"Stewie, I think-"

"Shut up!" shouted Stewie again, with an angry tone. "And help me find Rupert! Who know what could happen to him, alone in the snow!"

Meanwhile, back to Spooner street, Meg and Matt are now dressing after making our, hot, sweaty with the hair messed up.

"God, it was indeed an awesome way to warm us up" said Meg.

"Yeah" said Matt as he pulled a piece of paper and a pen. In the heading was written 'Things I want to do before die', and crossed 'Make love in the snow'.

"We better get back to home" said Meg "It's getting really cold in here"

"Yup. I saw the kids playing with a sled some minutes ago. I hope they're at your house now" stated Matt, a bit worried.

But no, Stewie and Sophie weren't at the Griffin house. They were in the search of Rupert.

"Rupert! Rupert!" asked Stewie "Rupert!"

"Stewie, can you-"

"Shut up! Rupert could be shouting for help and-oh, there is it!" said Stewie with joy as he spotted his dear teddy bear half covered in snow. "Oh, Rupert, I was so worried…yes, I know that you were scared, just promise me never to leave me again"

"Stewie!" said Sophie

"Oh, will that incessant cry stop? What do you want?" asked Stewie, really pissed.

"We're LOST!" shouted Sophie.

"Quit talking nonsense. I know perfectly where are we" said Stewie, pretty confident. Then he took a look at the surrounding area, in an effort to orient himself. "Okay we're…for get back to home we must go…oh crap, we're LOST!! Like the popular series of the same title that everybody wants to know what's wrong with that freaking island!"

"Do you watch LOST?" asked Sophie.

"Yeah. It's one of the few Fox series which actually aren't crappy" said Stewie.

"I love LOST too!" said Sophie in excitement "What's your favourite character?"

"Ben" said Stewie.

"Ben? He's such a sucker!"

"But he's evil and cunning. When I grow up, I want to be like him!" said Stewie proudly. "And yours?"

"Sawyer"

"The doctor?"

"No, that's Jack" said Sophie "Sawyer is the swindler who has a crush on Kate" explained.

"That badass wannabe?" asked Stewie in disbelief. "I don't know what do you see in him. Well, at least he's handsome"

"Of course he is! And-wait, do you find Sawyer, a _man_, handsome?" asked Sophie, a bit confused.

"…"

Back at the Griffin house, everybody is in the living room when Meg and Matt walked in. Despite being in a house, everybody was still wearing their winter clothes and coats, and were trembling because of the cold.

"God, even here it's so cold!" said Meg.

"Where are the kids?" asked Lois.

"What? They aren't here?" asked Matt in horror.

"No, we though they where with you!" said Lois, sharing the same feelings as Matt.

"So, that means that…"

"Yes, Lois" said Peter. "They've been abducted by aliens. Now we must rush to the pentagon, borrow some fighter jets and chase the aliens to their spacecraft. Brian, you and Lois will destroy the alien fighter planes, while Meg and Chris will sneak in their mothership and sabotage their defences. Meanwhile, I'll sweep to the ship's core, blew it out and save the children" said Peter.

Everybody stared at him blankly.

"Peter, can I borrow some of your pot?" asked Brian dryly.

"Enough of this!" said Lois "Matt's sister and Stewie are lost out in the snow!"

"OH NO!" shouted Meg.

"OH NO!" Shouted Matt.

"OH NO!" shouted Chris.

In an awkward silence, everybody expected that Kool Aid Man will enter in the house through the wall exclaiming 'OH YEAH!' However, this didn't happen. Why, you ask? Because due to the extreme cold, Kool Aid Man is frozen.

"If they stay out there too long, they will freeze soon! We must form a party to find them!" said Lois.

"I prefer dad's plan…" said Chris.

Minutes later, everybody is outside searching for the missing babies. Everybody except Peter, who's now in the Clam, drinking with their friends.

"Ahhh, nothing like a good beer to fight the cold" said Peter as he took a dip from his stein.

"Peter, some moments ago you said that Stewie and her friend were lost in the snow" said Joe.

"Yes" answered Peter.

"And, well, you should search them too. They're helpless babies trapped in the snow" said Cleveland.

"Helpless babies? Where?" asked Quagmire, very excited. The others gave him such a look "Oh, you mean Peter's younger son"

"I still think that you should look for the children" said Cleveland.

"Yes, we will help you" said Joe. "It will be like those guys who went to the North Pole trying to find their lost comrade"

**Flashback**

In the North Pole, just like Joe said, a bunch of guys dressed with extremely thick winter clothes are travelling through a frozen and desert meadow.

"Phil!" shouted a guy. "Phil!"

"Phil!" shouted another one.

"Oh man, this is useless!" said another one. "He could be anywhere! And we don't even know if he's still alive!"

"How can you say that! If you were Phil, would you likeus to ditch you to your death?" asked the first one.

"Hey, look at that! Penguins!"

And yes, there was a colony of penguins in front of them.

"Well, we haven't found Phil, but we found some kind birds" said a guy as he petted one.

"Penguins doesn't live in the north pole" said one of the guys.

Suddenly, the penguins revealed that they were hungry polar bears disguised.

**End Flashback**

Meanwhile, somewhere in Quahog, Stewie and Sophie wander aimlessly, in a futile attempt to find the way back to home.

"We're going to die, aren't we?" asked Sophie, desperate.

"I'm to tired and cold for giving you an answer" said Stewie, toneless. "The only thing I regret is that I' going to die before kill that bitch…"

But suddenly, Sophie's hopes were ignited.

"Maybe you will survive for kill your mom, Stewie! Look!" shouted as he pointed to the front.

There was the form of a man walking to them.

"Oh, thank you God!" said Stewie "I'll promise you to never fall asleep on the church again!"

However, as they ran to the man shouting and waving their arms, they realized of one thing when the man was close. He was too big for being a normal adult. Also, his body and head were covered with white fur.

"It's a…YETI!!" screamed Stewie in horror.

"A Yeti? In Quahog?" asked Sophie in confusion.

"You can ask him what he is doing here if you want" said Stewie as he tailed it out of there.

"Wait me!" shouted Sophie as he ran after Stewie.

They were running for a long time, until they were too exhausted to continue. The Yeti was still chasing them. Luckily, Stewie spotted a cave between the snow. They took refuge inside.

"Okay, now, don't speak, don't make any noise, don't move…"

"Can I breathe?" asked Sophie sarcastically.

"Yes, but not too much…hey, you talked, and I told you not to talk!" said Stewie, pissed.

"Well, you're talking too!" replied Sophie.

However their discussion was cut off by a huge shadow. It was the Yeti entering in the cave.

"Crap, he heard us!" said Stewie.

"Oh my god, oh my god OH MY GOD!! WE'RE GOING TO DIE!" shouted Sophie, as hysteria took control of her.

"Calm down!" said Stewie as he slapped her hard. "Maybe this is our end, but we won't die without fight!" said in a very theatrical way.

"You mean…?"

"Yes, when the Yeti approaches us, we jump to his face and try to attack his eyes, in order to get him blind. Maybe that will give us a chance to escape".

"Okay…"

The shadow grew. They heard with fear the sounds of steps approaching them. Finally the yeti revealed.

"Stewie?" asked the Yeti.

"NOW!"

With a battle cry, the two babies tackled the Yeti, aand began to hit him in the face.

"What are you doing? Stop, please, stop!" said The Yeti.

"That voice…Cleveland?" asked Stewie in disbelief.

Yes, the Yeti was Cleveland, who was wearing a thick white coat.

"Why did you attack me?" asked Cleveland, a bit annoyed. But not too much, becasue he's veeery passive.

"Sorry, Mr Brown. We though you was a Yeti who wanted to eat us" said Sophie.

"You mistook me for a Yeti? Well, that's not the worst thing people have done to me".

**Flashback**

A young Cleveland walks to his room in the college. However, he's stopped by a bunch of guys who give him such a beating.

"We don't like people of your sort here!" said one of the guys.

"Yeah, get back to China, Bruce Lee!" said another one.

The others (including Cleveland) looked at him blankly.

**End Flashback**

Cleveland brought back the kids to the Griffin house, much to the family relief. After that incident, Meg used the book to reverse Peter's spell of premature winter, although it took some weeks for the weather to come back to its usual state. All was back to usual…all?

One night, Meg woke up and ran to the bath for throw up.

"God, I must ate something that didn't agree with me…" said to herself. "Damn Mexican food…"

Then, something popped in her head.

Something that almost made her heart to stop when she though about it.

She had missed her period.

**To be continued…**


	15. My Great Geek Wedding

**Announcement: Snake Screamer has begun to write a spin off of this story called 'The Witch's Tests'. Although he only wrote the prologue, I recommend you to read it. Seems to be a promising story. **

**Also, this chapter may be a little different from the previous chapters for two major reasons:**

**1-**** This chapter is more Romantic/Dramatic rather than humoristic (although I tried to keep as humour as I could)**

**2- ****This chapter has nothing to do with the spellbook (Don't worry, the following chapters will do).**

**And now, let's go to the chapter. Hope that everybody likes it.**

**Chapter 15: My great geek wedding**

Meg walked downstairs to the living room, where her parents were. Her heart beat each time faster. How could all this happen? Anyway, regretting now was pointless, and she knew she couldn't hide it forever.

"Mom, Dad, I have something to tell you" said Meg with trembling voice.

"Wait is it, sweetie?" asked Lois, before noticing something Meg was holding in her hand. "Wait…is that a pregnancy test?"

"Yes" replied Meg, downbeat.

"And it looks to be used" continued Lois, as she was each time more worried.

"Yes" said Meg in the same manner.

"And it looks that it matches positive…" said Lois again, in the verge of hysteria.

"…yes" finally said Meg.

"Okay" said Peter as he breathed "Let's calm down here. Meg, the last time you thought you were pregnant, it was a false alarm. Maybe this time is a false alarm too"

"No, dad, this time isn't a false alarm." Said Meg, as she showed the pregnancy test. "I'm pregnant for sure"

"OHMIGOD OHMIGOD OHMIGOD!!" shouted Peter totally out of control as he began to run and scream around the house, breaking everything he saw. "What are we going to do? I got that vasectomy because we couldn't afford to have another baby!"

"Peter, please, stop!!" said Lois as he grabbed him by an arm.

"Okay, okay…" said Peter, trying to keep calm. "We cannot do anything about this, but we can prevent this from happen in the future. "Chris, Stewie, come here!" shouted Peter as he pulled some huge shears. "Today you'll become half men"

"Peter, no!" shouted Lois as she grabbed the shears and tossed it away. Then she looked at her daughter "Meg, how could this happen? I thought I taught you about safe sex!"

"I know, mom!" said Meg, as hysterical as her parents. "I was wearing a diaphragm, I swear! I don't know how could this happen!"

**Flashback**

In the previous chapter…

"Oh Matt!" shouted Meg.

"Oh Meg, you're awesome!" shouted Matt in excitement.

Meanwhile, inside Meg's body, a huge fleet of spermatozoid-spaceships (just like seen in the episode 'Emission impossible') swims trough Meg's reproductive system.

"Get out of my way!" shouted one of the pilots, as he fired the canons of his spaceship, aiming to nearby spermatozoids

"There's no way I'm going to let you reach into the ovule before me!" said another, as he also fired.

"Watch out, a dead end!" shouted another spermatozoid in horror, as he and many other spaceships crashed against the diaphragm. Only the last spermatozoids were able to stop in time.

"Crap, I'm running out of gas!" said a female voice, revealing her anger "What are we going to do?"

"Hey, I've detected and aperture!" said another female voice, as she drove towards a small rift, only visible through a microscope. However, it was big enough for a spermatozoid. The remaining spaceships followed her.

"There's the ovule!" shouted in excitement.

"Yes, but you won't live for become a baby!" said one of her chasers, as he fired her cannons at her.

The female pilot was able to dodge the lasers and quickly reached the ovule.

"YES!!" shouted in victory, as a new life was created.

**End flashback**

"What are we going to do now?" asked Meg.

"Well, first of all, you should tell Matt about this." Said Lois, as she tried to calm down. "He must know that he's going to be a dad. Then we'll think more calmly about this"

Minutes later, in the Kennedy household, the phone rings.

"Hello?...Oh Meg, it's you, I was about to call you…yes…yes…yes-**WHAT!?**...y-yes, I'm still here. I'll be there soon…love you too" said Matt toneless.

Mrs. Lockhart walks up to her.

"Who were you talking to, Matthew?" asked to her almost stepson.

"With…Meg…" muttered Matt. He was still too shocked.

"oh…and what did she want?" asked again the blonde woman.

"She's…pregnant…" said Matt.

"OH MY GOD!" shouted Lana in disbelief.

"Yeah, they cancelled TMNT, however, it isn't that important" said Sophie from other room.

"What are you going to do, Matt?" asked, now worried.

"First of all, black out" said Matt before he fell to the floor, unconscious.

Back at the Griffin house, Meg and the rest of the family are talking about her unplanned pregnancy.

"Meg, are you sure you want to have this baby?" asked Brian, still shocked for the news. "You're only 18, and being mother is quite a big responsibility"

"No, I'm not going to abort, you should know it!" replied Meg, pissed.

"I know. But there are other ways" continued the dog. "You could put your child for adoption. Then you could continue with your life and another family would take care of your baby"

"No, I couldn't do that…I wouldn't live in peace knowing that my baby is living with complete strangers" replied Meg.

"So, you made up your mind, don't you?" asked Lois.

"Yes" replied Meg with determination. "I'm going to have and take care of this baby. I don't know why, but I'm sure that, with Matt's help, we can do it"

"I see" replied Lois, as she was thinking something. "Listen, Meg, I don't want you to leave school and quit going to college, so, while you're at the school, Peter and me will take care of the baby" said Lois, surprising everybody in the room.

"Really?" said Meg as joy filled her heart.

"Yes, but don't mistake me. We're going to help you with the baby when you won't be able, not to do all the work for you. It's _your_ baby and _your_ responsibility" stated Lois, to make things clear.

"I know. Thanks anyway, mom" said Meg.

Meanwhile, at the Kennedy's house, Matt is also talking about this newsflash with his family. They are sat in the living room.

"So, although she was wearing a diaphragm, you got her knocked up?" asked Bruce in disbelief "That's my son!" said Bruce proudly.

"Bruce, focus!" said Lana angrily.

"Sorry honey. It's just that Matt never was very good with girls, but hours later after moving here, he's got a girlfriend, and now it's going to be father!" said Bruce, still proudly of his son. "But Lana's right. You're in a big trouble now"

"What are you going to do now, Matt?" asked Lana.

"I guess I have to marry her, get a job and help her to raise the baby" said Matt. "However, I don't know where to begin!" said, a bit desperate "I'm only 18, jobless, still live at my parent's place, and still go to high school!"

"Listen, I barely use my house, and you know that your dad and I will marry soon. I can sell it, move here and keep the money for the baby" said Lana.

"Thanks, but I want to handle this myself" said Matt "I know that I need money, it's just that…" tried to say Matt, but he didn't find the proper words.

"You want to proof that you can take responsibilities by your own, isn't it?" said Bruce, like he was reading his son's mind.

"Exactly" answered.

"We should go to the Griffin's place to talk about this. I'll get the car started" said Mrs. Lockhart before leaving the house, leaving her fiancé and Matt alone.

"Matt, since your mother's death, you have maturated a lot" said Bruce, in a typical father-son way. "However, this situation may overwhelm you. Are you sure you want to do this?"

"Yes. I don't know how I'm going to do this, but I'm going to do it" said Matt, more determined.

"I'm sure of it, son" said Bruce "Wait, I have something for you" said Bruce before leaving the room. When he was back, he gave Matt a golden ring with a diamond set on it.

"This is…mom's ring" said Matt as the memory of his lost mother darkened his soul.

"I was keeping it until your wedding. However, I hoped that you'd be a bit older when that moment would arrive. Give it to Meg. I'm sure she'll like it" said Bruce.

"Thanks, dad" replied his son "This is a better gift than which Batista gave to Edge at Night of Champions" said Matt

**Flashback**

After defeating Batista for the World Heavyweight Championship (after cheating with a clearly biased last-hour referee), Edge is in the men's locker room, getting changed, when he's approached by Batista. Edge quickly stands up, ready for defend from any attack from the so called 'Animal'.

"What do you want?" asked Edge, a bit afraid.

"Oh, please, relax. I'm not angry for stealing MY title again with cheats" said Batista, in an oddly calm tone. "In fact, I came here for congratulate for your victory"

That statement surprised Edge.

"Um…thanks" replied the Canadian wrestler.

"I also brought you a present" said Batista as he handed a box to his nemesis.

Edge opened the box.

"Oh…it's a metal box with a countdown…what's this suppose to do?" asked Edge a bit confused.

"It's a surprise" said Batista as he ran away from the locker. "Just wait and see!"

The countdown finally reached zero, and nothing happened. However, the metal box grew in size, grew a pair of arms and legs, becoming a huge robot and began to beat up Edge.

"I should know it!!" shouted Edge.

**End Flashback**

Moments later, at the Griffin house, everybody, including the Kennedy family, is in the living room discussing about this. Matt just asked Meg if she wants to marry him.

"YESYESYES!" shouted Meg in excitement, before hugging her now fiancé. "I'll marry you".

"God, I can't believe that our baby girl is going to marry and become a mom" said Lois, moved.

"Meg, are you going to do this with every boyfriend of yours?" asked Chris. "I mean, getting knocked up and forcing him to marry you?"

"Of course not, lardo!" shouted Meg. "And that was one time!"

"Hey, I think that was a pretty good way to prevent your boyfriends for run away from you. Maybe I'll use it too…if I can convince any girl to have sex with me and my equipment is good enough" said Chris.

"Like hell you will, young man!" said Lois, angered.

"Yes" said Stewie "Only one teenager parent per week, please" said Stewie sardonically.

"Okay, so you're going to marry" said Brian "but where are you going to live? You must live together. That baby needs a father."

"How about if I share my room with Matt?" asked Meg. "Besides, we're going to be married soon. He can sleep with me"

"I don't know…" said Lois, a bit uneasy of that idea.

"And if he would pay a rent?" asked Meg again.

"Tell me how, I have no job!" said Matt.

"Don't worry; I'm sure you'll get a job soon. It won't be hard. Besides, even Meg has a job!" said Peter, as everybody laughed at his remark.

"Yeah, even I-EH!" shouted Meg angry, in realization.

"Okay, but, what about the baby? Where's the baby going to sleep?" asked Matt again. "In your room too?"

"We have that guest room that nobody uses" stated Lois. "Not after what Peter did last time"

**Flashback**

Lois is tiding up the guest room for a couple friends of her.

"Thank you very much Lois" said the man.

"I know that we didn't call with enough time" said the woman.

"Don't worry, you're our friends and you can stay here as long as you want" said Lois kindly.

Suddenly, Peter enters in the room.

"Lois, I need the guest room for a friend" said Peter, as the matter was urgent..

"Peter, I've already gave the room to the Johnsons!" said Lois

"Don't worry, we don't mind of sharing the room with that friends of yours" said the man.

"Excellent! Fred, you can get in!" shouted Peter.

Fred then walks into the room. However, Fred was a buffalo.

**End flashback**

"Wait, Meg, you said that you were wearing a diaphragm while making love with Matthew, didn't you?" asked Bruce, after think in something.

"Yes…but what does it matter now?" asked Meg.

"Do you still have it?" asked Bruce.

"Maybe…why do you ask?"

"Because that diaphragm may be the solution to all your problems" said Bruce enigmatically.

Minutes later, Matt and Meg are in the gardening store, asking Helen if she can hire Matt.

"I don't know Meg" said Helen. "I understand your situation, but I cannot afford another employee. I hired you because I'm old and I needed a bit help here, but I cannot offer your boyfriend a job. Sorry" said the old woman.

"Don't worry, Mrs. Wayne. I understand" said Matt, as he and Meg left the store. "What are we going to do now?"

"I have a job. I could pay your rent until…" was about to say Meg.

"No way!" replied Matt, revealing his hurt ego. "Despite my position, I'm a man of principles; I won't let you to pay me my expenses"

"Well, I pay for that ice cream you're eating right now" remarked Meg.

"This doesn't count!" replied a bit pissed. Then, after quickly eat the rest of ice cream, said "From now on, I'll pay all my expenses! And now help me to think in another possible job"

"Perhaps I can ask Chris to ask Carl to get you a job at the Mini Mart" said Meg.

"You mean being a clerk?" asked Matt, a bit disappointed with the ides. "I'd lie if I say that that's the job of my dreams, but I guess that I'm in no position to complain"

"Don't worry Matt. It's just a temporary job, while you look for something better" said Meg before coming closer to her fiancé. "I know that somebody like you is needed somewhere".

Few weeks later, a wedding is taking place in the local church. Yeah, that church where Peter always embarrasses his family, Stewie threw up after drinking wine and Meg had her last and depressing wedding. She was in the bride's dressing room. Lois is helping Meg to get prepared with her dress.

"Meg, sweetie, are you sure you want to do this?" asked Lois, who was still trying to convince her daughter not to marry. "You don't really know what you are doing."

"We've talked about this before, mom." Replied Meg, a bit pissed of her mother's insistence. "I'm going to marry Matt and raise this baby"

"I see. Listen, Meg, I'm your mother and the only thing I wish it's you to be happy. But I'm afraid you won't if you get married this soon" stated Lois.

"Don't worry. Probably Matt will run before this could get started" said Meg.

"Why did you say that?" asked Lois, and gasped. "This won't be like your last wedding. You're really pregnant and Matt won't run"

"And why I'm wearing the last wedding's dress?" asked Meg "I'm sure it would bring me bad luck"

"Please Meg, stop being such a pessimist. Matt's the boy who most time has stated ay your side. If he wanted to dump you, he would do it before" said Lois. "And I'm not going to buy another dress having that one"

Meg then sat in a chair, and sighed.

"Do you think this time will be different?" asked Meg, downbeat "When I was about to marry Michael I though 'finally I found a man who loves me, and it's going to spend the rest of his life at my side', and then look what happened" Meg then stood up again and looked at herself in a mirror. "This is depressing. I'm only 18 and this is my second wedding. And surely won't be the last"

"Don't say that!" said Lois, who got tired of her daughter's pessimism, as she slapped her hard. "Matt's not going to leave you, do you hear me? He's going to marry you, love you and help you to raise your baby, so I don't want to hear any comment like that!"

Meg looked at her mother with wide opened eyes.

"Oh…sorry for hitting you, sweetie…It's just…" tried to apologize Lois.

"No, you were right." Said Meg, as she rubbed her cheek. "This is my wedding, I shouldn't let anything to ruin this day!" said Meg, a bit more upbeat.

"That's the spirit!" said Lois, happy to see her daughter's attitude.

"Thanks mom" said Meg as she hugged her. "I love you".

"I love you too, sweetie" said Lois.

Meanwhile, in the church's door, Chris is working as an usher, just like he did in the last wedding. He is approached by Brian and Jillian, who were dressed up.

"Hello Chris" said Brian.

"Hello" said Chris. "Name, please?"

"Chris, it's me, Brian" said Brian. "Let us in"

"Sorry, but I must verify that you're in the list" stated Chris. "Otherwise, I couldn't let you pass".

"Brian Griffin" said the dog before sighing.

"Griffin…Griffin…Griffin…sorry, there's no Brian Griffin here" said Chris.

"WHAT?" asked Brian. "There's no way I'm not in that list. Let me see" said Brian as he picked the list.

The dog began to search his name into the list, until he finally found it. However, it was crossed off to say another name, poorly written. Finally he handed back Chris the list.

"Name, please?" asked Chris again.

"'That stupid douche who resembles Snoopy' Griffin" said Brian dryly.

"Let me see…okay, you can pass" said Chris as he checked in the dog.

Brian then sat in the front's benches, near Peter and Stewie.

"What the hell was that for?" asked Brian to Stewie angrily.

"What was what?" asked Stewie, as he has nothing to do with it.

"Changing my name in the list!" said the dog angrily.

"Oh, it's just that I feel the need of laugh at you" said Stewie dryly. "I mean, I usually tease you about your never-starting novel, but that's getting a bit old".

"Oogy, my stomach's making strange noises. I think that I'm hungry" said Jillian.

"Are you hungry?" said Peter

"Are you thinking? That's even more amazing!!" Said Stewie, as he began to look for something inside a bag. "Here, you can eat this" said Stewie as he handed her an apple.

"That's an…an…" said Jillian fearfully.

"Yes Jillian, is a big red apple!" said Stewie with malice. "All for you"

"Thanks!" said Jillian before taking the apple and eating it, stunning Stewie. "It's so sweet and tasty! Thank you Steve!"

"What the deuce? She just overcame her strange fear to apples?" said Stewie "This is no fun!"

"Hey Jillian" Interjected Peter. "As one of the bridesmaids you should carry a bouquet of flowers" said Peter as he showed some of them. "You can choose between poppies and orchids"

"Orchids…orchids…ORCHIDS!! AAHHHHH!!" screamed Jillian in terror before jumping through a stained glass window.

"I'll better get her back" said Brian dryly.

"God, that was weirder than Death's last visit to our home" said Peter.

**Flashback**

The entire family is having dinner with some random relative, when he chokes with the food and dies.

"Oh my god!" said Lois in horror "He's not breathing! I think he's dead!"

"Well, at least this isn't worse than that time I visited North Pole" said Stewie.

**Flashback**

Stewie is in an empty town, which is covered in snow, because is snowing almost always.

"So…what do you do here for having fun?" asked Stewie to a frozen corpse.

**End Flashback**

"I did it! A flashback inside another flashback!" said Stewie triumphal.

Suddenly, somebody knocks the door. Meg goes to see who it is, and, to her surprise, there stood Bard Pitt himself.

"OHMIGOD! BRAD PITT!!" squealed Meg in excitement.

"Ha! Gotcha!" said Brad Pitt, who quickly morphed into Death.

"Death? What the hell?" asked Meg, confused.

"Oh, I was using my Joe Black form. I didn't use it since my last movie. Anyway, I'm here for the corpse" said Death as he walked in.

**End Flashback**

Meanwhile, in the altar, Matt, dressed up for the wedding. Unsurprisingly, he's a bit nervous. No, he's VERY nervous.

"Matt, calm down please" said Mrs. Lockhart, who was also dressed as a bridesmaid.

"Sorry Lana, but I can't keep it" replied Matt.

Mrs. Lockhart then looked at her watch.

"Where the hell is your dad? He should be here right now!" said a bit pissed. "He has the rings"

"Honestly, dad or the rings aren't my current concerns right now" said Matt acidy.

Meanwhile, back at the bride's dressing room, Meg is getting prepared for enter in the church.

"Is it alright if I come in?" asked Peter.

"You may" said Meg.

"Whoa Meg, let me say that, unlike your usual looking, you look stunning in that dress." Praised Peter, as he walked towards her daughter.

"Um…thanks dad" said Meg, a bit confused. "I hope that I'm stunning enough for prevent Matt from run away" said Meg.

"Oh, don't worry honey" said Peter "I hired a bunch of snipers. They're now posted outside the church. I gave them orders to shot in sight Matt if he attempts to leave. So, he has two ways of leave this church: as your husband or as a freaking corpse"

"Thanks, dad!" said Meg, moved, before hugging her father. "That's the most beautiful thing you did for me"

"We should get going right now" said Peter "Matt looks pretty nervous".

The wedding began. The Wedding March began to play, announcing the bride's arrival. Peter escorted Meg down the aisle, until they reached the altar. Then Peter stepped back, leaving the couple in front of the priest.

"The wedding has just started and your father is missing!" complained Mrs. Lockhart "Oh, I know somebody who's not having sex this night" said in a menacing tone.

"Lana, please, stop talking about sex, we're in a church, specifically in MY wedding!" said Matt, pissed.

"Sorry, sweetheart, but your father is usually very punctual" answered Lana as she nervously looked at her watch again.

"We're gathered here today to join together Matthew Kennedy and Megan Griffin in holy matrimony" said the priest. "And before begin, who has the rings?" asked.

Suddenly, Matt's dad burst in the church, sweating and puffing. He was carrying a briefcase.

"Sorry, I'm late!" excused Bruce, as he rushed to the altar. "Here are the rings" said as he handed the rings to his son. "Oh, and Matt, this is also yours" said as he handed him the briefcase.

Matt opened it, and to his surprise, it was full of money, maybe fifty grand.

"Dad…I told you I didn't want your money…" said Matt.

"I know, but that money is not mine, but yours" said Bruce. "well, better said that is Meg's money".

"Uh? What do you mean?" asked Meg.

"Remember that diaphragm? Well, I used it for suing the company which manufactures it, and I won!" said Bruce excited.

"Dad thanks a lot!" said Matt "There's enough for paying the Griffins for letting me stay with them and for all the baby's needs!"

"You're welcome" said Bruce "Now, let's continue with this"

"Let's se…" said the priest, who was trying to remember in which part were "Screw it, let's go to the ending. Do you Matthew take Megan as your lawful wedded wife, and promise to love and respect her, until Death do you apart?" asked the priest.

Then everybody looks at Death, who for some unknown reason, was invited to the wedding.

"What? Oh, this is why I hate weddings" said Death. "I'm always the bad guy! However, funerals aren't by the way better"

"Matt" interrupted Meg "Before you answer that question, there's something I must know" said Meg, whose face showed concern.

"Go ahead"

"If I weren't pregnant, will you still marry me?" asked Meg.

"She's not pregnant? She's a phoney! She's a big phoney! She's a-!" said the phoney shouting guy, who was also invited to the wedding, before being knocked out by Peter.

"Why are you asking me this, Meg?" said Matt a bit confused.

"Just answer that question, please. It's very important for me" said Meg, almost pleading.

Matt took some moments for answer.

"No" said dryly. Everybody then gasped.

"I knew it" said Meg "Then, I don't want to go ahead with this. The wedding is over! I don't want to marry somebody who doesn't loves me!" shouted Meg, who was about to leave, but Matt grabbed her by the arm. "What do you want?"

"Meg, if you weren't pregnant, will _you_ still marry _me_?" asked Matt. That question surprised Meg.

"No" said Meg almost without think her answer, which surprised her. "No, I mean that…!" tried to rectify, but to increase her confusion, Matt was smiling.

"Meg, we're both 18, still go to high school and live at our parent's place. None of us is ready to get married. But although I probably will not marry you if you weren't pregnant, I'll still love you and be your boyfriend. And I'm pretty sure you feel the same" explained Matt. "Meg, I love you since the day I met you for firsttime, and it will be a pleasure to be your husband".

"Oh, Matt!" said Meg, moved, as she hugged him.

"Well, after seeing this, I'll skip to the final part" said the priest. "I declare you Husband and Wife. You may kiss the bride" said the priest, closing his bible.

Matt and Meg kissed for first time as matrimony, and everybody stood up, cheering and clapping. It was their happiest moment in their whole life. Then, the newlyweds walked to the church's main door, holding their hands, as the bells ringed and people threw at them pink petals.

"We did it" said Meg, who was caught by the emotion. "We're married!"

"Yes, my love, and from now on, our lives will be-OUAGHHHH!" shouted Matt as he fell to the floor.

"What the hell?" asked Meg. "MATT!" shouted before seeing that he had two gunshot wounds, one in the shoulder and another in the ankle.

The snipers that Peter hired were shooting at him. People began to scream and scatter, trying to avoid the deadly shots.

"Crap! Abort Mission! Abort Mission!" shouted Peter, who was talking through a walkie-talkie. Soon the fire stopped.

"MY ARM! MY LEG!" screamed Matt in pain.

"Quickly, somebody, call an ambulance!" said Brian.

Minutes later, some medics are taking Matt, lying in a stretcher, into an ambulance. Meg also walked inside the vehicle. The ambulance's back doors closed, revealing a 'Just Married' banner attached to them. The ambulance rushed to the hospital, and the ambulance's siren wail mixed with the sound of the cans tied to the back bumper that were being dragged, making a strange cacophony.

The Griffins and the Kennedys stood in front of the church, watching how the ambulance left the place. The short wedding, which was marked by several interruptions, dramatic and passionate scenes, and almost a tragic moment , had, indeed, a very weird ending.

"You know, Lois?" asked Peter "This may be odd, but I've always knew that, somehow, at least one of our children's wedding would end like this".

**End Chapter.**

**(A/N: This is NOT the end of the story)**

**(Fun Fact: There are only 4 Family Guy fanfics longer than 50000 words, which are Meg's Boyfriend, Meg's Family, Attack of the 100 foot Meg Griffin and The Spellbook. And Guess what? All 4 of them have Meg as the main character)**


	16. Let's go Hunting

**Chapter 16****: Let's go Hunting**

(Thanks to snake screamer for the idea for this chapter)

Several days have passed since the weird but happy wedding. Meg and Matt spent their first nights as matrimony in a small hospital room. However, they have each other, and that was all they needed in that moment. Although the nurses forced them to sleep in different rooms, Meg slipped away to her husband's room each night, and made love passionately.

The doctors said that Matt's wounds weren't too serious, and soon was completely healed. The Griffins welcomed the newlyweds with opened arms after their short stay at the hospital. Matt was still jobless, however, thanks to his dad's generous wedding gift, they had enough money until he could get a decent job.

Although the wedding was over, there was still another loose end: Meg's pregnancy, which by the way, is in its second month. Peter and Matt, wearing coveralls are now painting the guest room, which is going to be the new baby's room.

"God, I sill can't believe that somebody tried to kill me" said Matt, remembering the wedding's incident. "Peter, would you know something who could hire snipers to kill me?"

"Uh, I don't know" lied Peter "Maybe Neil Goldman. He had a mad crush on Meg. Yeah, I'm sure it was Neil. You should look for him and teach him a lesson!" said Peter with emphasis.

"Maybe I'll do it" said Matt "However, first is first. We must finish up painting this. I want to finish up to set my child's room before he or she's born"

"That's nice but…what are you going to do if you have twins?" asked Peter "You'll need more room"

"What do you mean about having twins?" asked Matt, scared. "Did Meg tell you that?"

"Oh, no. It's just a possibility, like having triples, quadruplets or even quintuplets. Could you imagine that, Matt? I mean, to have so many children in one go. C-can you imagine it? It would be freaking sweet! S-so many children would bring a lot of joy to this house, and Stewie would have some friends to play with. It would be freaking sweet for me, Lois, Chris, Stewie and Brian, of course, because we're not their parents and we don't have to support or take care of them. That would be your and Meg's job. Anyway, could you imagine that, Matt? Having so many children?"

**Matt's imagination…**

In a small and rusty apartment, Matt's living with Meg, who's pregnant, and there are dozens of kids running through the house, breaking furniture and other stuff, fighting, dropping food everywhere and causing chaos in general.

"Matt, I have the scan's results" said Meg, "I'm going to have triplets…again"

"That's…awesome" said Matt. Then he pulled out a gun, aimed at his head, and pulled the trigger. However, the gun didn't shoot.

"We have to sell the bullets for paying the water bill, remember?" said Meg. The lights then went off. "Also, I'm going to sell the gun to for paying the electricity bill"

**End of imagination**

Matt then got into fetal position, pulled on his hair, and began to sob.

"Sorry, I forgot that it wasn't freaking sweet for ya" said Peter. "Hey, Matt, are you okay?"

"NO MORE KIDS!" shouted as he hit Peter with the paintbrush, staining his face with white paint, as he snapped of his daydream.

"Man, look what you've done!" said Peter, pissed, as he tried to remove the white paint from his face.

"Sorry, I didn't want to do that" excused Matt.

Suddenly, Peter also stains Matt's face with white paint.

"HEY! What was that for?" asked Matt

"Sorry, it wasn't on purpose" excused Peter with mocking tone.

"O'RLY?" asked Matt sarcastically. "Well, this IS on purpose!" shouted as he dropped the white paint from a bucket on Peter's head.

"You're such an asshole!!" shouted Peter, now very angry. "Wait until I catch you!!" shouted as he began to chase Matt across the room, holding another bucket of white paint. Peter then threw the white paint at him, but Matt dodged the white wave. Unluckily for Peter, at the moment he threw the paint he was standing in front of the door, and guess what? Somebody just opened it.

"Hello boys, how are you doing…?" asked Lois before she got a white shower. "WHAT THE HELL!?" shouted Lois very angry, as he wiped the paint off of her face. "What the F(beep!)ck are you doing!?"

"It was his fault!" said both Peter and Matt in an accusatory tone, pointing at each other.

"I don't care whose fault is!" said Lois "You're supposed to paint this room, not to be fooling around with the paint!" scolded Lois. "I'll better get a bath before the paint dries…" said as she left the room.

"God, I never saw Lois that angry since our 12th anniversary" said Peter.

**Flashback**

"Happy anniversary Lois!" said Peter as he waked her wife.

"Happy anniversary to you, Peter" said Lois "This time you remembered it"

"Yeah, and wait to see your anniversary present!" said Peter, vey cheerfully.

"What is it? What is it?" asked Lois a bit nervous.

"Remember that trip to Africa you want to do last year?" asked Peter.

"Are we going to go to Africa?" asked Lois, now excited.

"Even better!" said Peter, also excited, as he took Lois to the living room. "I rent all the zoo's animals for you!"

To Lois' horror, the whole house was full of animals.

"It's okay if I make a sandwich?" asked Fred, the buffalo from the previous episode.

**End Flashback**

"I also need to buy a crib" said Matt.

"Only losers buy cribs" said Peter "I've got a better idea: I'll make one!"

"Well, you bought that crib for Stewie" said Matt.

"I didn't buy it, Lois did" said Peter again. "Tomorrow I will go to the Home Supply store and will make the best crib you've ever seen!"

"Are you sure you can?" asked Matt, a bit unconvinced. "I mean, you must have some skill in do-it-yourself for make things like that"

"Don't worry, Matthew. Carpenter skill runs in my veins. Just like my ancestor, Noah Griffin" said Peter proudly.

**Flashback**

Noah Griffin, who unsurprisingly looks like Peter, except for his white hair and long white beard, and wore typical biblical age clothing, had just finished of build the ark. Suddenly, the Flood began to pour.

"Okay, that rain the God guy announced it's here!" said Noah "Bring all the animals inside!"

Noah's family (which, by the way, is an exact copy of Peter's family, with different suits) began to carry the animals inside the ark, however…

"Dad, we have a problem!" said his Chris-like son. "There isn't enough place for all the animals!"

"Holy Crap!" said Noah "I don't know when I went wrong! I followed all of God's instructions!" complained.

"I think I found the problem" said his Meg-like daughter. "You stuffed too many porn there" said as she pointed inside the ark, which was filled with millions of porn magazines and DVDs.

**End Flashback**

Meanwhile, inside a car, two dark figures were having a discussion.

"Here's your target" said the first figure in a deep male voice, as he handed to the other one a picture. "She's a loner, it'd be easy"

The other figure looked at the picture closely. It was a picture of Meg.

"I don't think I can do it…" replied the second figure, revealing to be a female.

"Oh, I'm pretty sure you can" said the man "You've done it plenty of time"

"But…it seems so wrong…" said the girl.

"We have this discussion a lot of times before, and I don't want to repeat myself again. We have a scared duty. Now, get moving!" said the man.

"Yes, sir" said the girl, before sighing.

The next day, Matt and Meg are going to the James Wood High in Matt's motorcycle. Meg strikes up a conversation.

"Did you know that there's going to be a new girl at class?" asked Meg

"No" replied Matt.

"I wonder how she is…I bet that she's cool and pretty, and nice…maybe she's prone to be my friend!"

"I though you had friends" said Matt.

"I want a friend who it isn't a loser like me" said Meg.

That phrase was followed by an awkward silence.

"Your dad offered to make a crib for our baby" commented Matt, striking up again a conversation.

"Really?" replied Meg. "And you let him to do that? Dad's horrible working with his hands!" said Meg "Except for masturbate…" added.

"Well, he said that he'd ask his friends for some help. Maybe they can make a decent crib and save us some money" said Matt, optimist as always.

"I hope you're right…" muttered Meg.

Meanwhile, back at the Griffin house, Peter, Quagmire, Cleveland and Joe are in the back lawn, dressed with carpenter suits, working very hard on something.

"Finally" said Cleveland, as he wiped sweat from his forehead. "It took us more than two hours, but it's quite good"

"Yeah, very good for amateurs like us" added Quagmire.

"Indeed" sad Joe.

"And I'm pretty sure that Meg will love it!" said Peter proudly.

Peter and his friends moved over to reveal…a birdhouse in the top of a wooden post.

"You know, Meg asked me for buying her a birdhouse, 'cause she want to pet some birds. Okay, now we should get started with the crib" said Peter, before looking at the materials, which consisted in several planks, drills, nails, hammers and other woodwork stuff. "What should we do first?"

"According to this, the crib has 5 parts" said Joe, ho was reading the instructons. "The floor, two crosspiece walls, and two support walls"

"Okay, I'll make the crosspieces" said Peter.

"Um, Peter, I should do the crosspieces. It may be too difficult for you." Stated Joe.

"What was that for?" asked Peter, very annoyed. "Are you implying that I cannot handle a difficult woodwork task just because I'm a retard?"

"Yes" said Joe.

"That's a relief!" said Peter, calmed down. "For a moment I though you said that-HEY!" complained Peter.

"Point proven" said Joe. "Now hand me the handsaw"

"Okay" said Peter, as he was about to hand him he handsaw, but just when Joe was about to grab it, Peter lifted it a bit.

"Peter, what the hell are you doing?" asked Joe.

"Come on, grab it!" said Peter as he began to tease Joe, lifting the handsaw each time the cop wanted to grab it.

"Peter give me that (beep!) handsaw!!" shouted Joe.

"What's wrong, Joe?" mocked Peter. "Oh, poor Joe, he can't grab the handsaw. It's too bad he has useless legs, unlike me. Maybe I'm a retard, but I have legs!"

"Peter, you should stop" commented Cleveland. "This isn't funny"

"You know? For avoid discussions, I should make the crosspieces" said Quagmire.

"Okay, but please don't use our tools as sex toys, please" said Peter.

"Hey, I may be a sex-crazed pervert with bizarre and weird fetishes, but that doesn't mean I cannot use a tool without turning in into a sexual thing!" complained Quagmire.

"I won't bet so" said Cleveland. "Last time I lend you my pocket lint…oh, it was so disgusting that I'm not going to talk about it"

"You know what?" said Peter, now really pissed. "That I don't need you at all. I'm going to make that crib by myself"

"Yeah, and then you'll turn it into a crazy flying device that will crash against my house" said Joe.

"Well, at least I'm creative; unlike other people I shall not mention" said Peter

"Peter isn't very good with hand working, but Joe isn't better." Said Cleveland "The only tool he can handle is a gun, and he always end shooting at innocent people 'by accident'" said Cleveland

"That's not true!" said Joe.

"You killed Charlton-"

"THAT'S NOT TRUE!!" shouted Joe as he foamed and began to shoot at random.

"Point proven" said Peter. "Anyway, leave my lawn, please. I have a crib to make" said Peter.

"Don't make me laugh, Peter. Even a five year old kid would make a better crib than you" stated Quagmire.

"Do you think so?" asked Peter. "Okay, I bet 100 bucks that I can make a better crib than all of you!" challenged Peter.

"Accept!" said the others in unison, before going back to their respective houses, muttering profanities against each other.

Back at the James Wood, all the students are having lunch in the cafeteria. Meg and Matt are picking their food, when Meg notices something.

"Look! There it is!" said Meg.

"Who?" asked Matt, a bit confused.

"The new girl! Right there!" whispered Meg, as she pointed to a nearby table.

Matt looked the direction that Meg was pointing at, and he saw a lone teenage girl, who has long dirty blonde hair styled in a ponytail, and wore sunglasses, a purple neckerchief, a white tanktop, blue jeans and black high heeled boots. She seemed to be bored.

"We should sit with her and make her company" said Meg, who was anxious for knowing the new girl.

"Okay. Being the new guy at school it's hard" said Matt, as he and Meg went towards the new girl.

"Hi" said Meg, a bit nervous. "Can we sit with you?" asked Meg, trying to sound friendly.

"Sure" replied the girl as she smiled at them. Meg and Matt took a seat and placed their food plates on the table "By the way, my name's Natalie Clarkson"

"I'm Meg, and this is Matt" said Meg.

"Nice to meet you" said Matt. "You know, I was the 'new guy' until you arrived here. We though that you may feel a bit lonely"

"Well, you though right" chuckled Natalie. "But don't worry. I'm used to this"

"Used? What do you mean by that?" asked Meg.

"Because of my dad's job, we're always moving. I've never been at the same school for more than 3 months" said Natalie.

"That's terrible!" said Matt. "I couldn't imagine living like that"

"Indeed it is" said Natalie. "However, I try to enjoy the few friends I can make while I'm staying here. But it's too bad I can't have a boyfriend like you do, Meg" said.

"Well, actually, Matt's not my boyfriend. He's my husband" said Meg, to make things clear.

"Husband!?" asked Natalie in surprise. "How did you get married? You're too young!"

"Because I got her knocked up" said Matt.

"Whoa! You're pregnant?" asked Natalie, even more surprised. "Geez, if I got knocked up my dad would go insane."

They were conversing until the lunch time was over.

"Okay, I must get back to class" said Natalie as she stood up. "Nice to meet you"

"Natalie, wait!" said Meg. "Would you like to come to my house this afternoon after classes? We could…hear music and…talk about boys…"

"Hey!" said Matt, annoyed.

"Oh, don't be such a jealous jerk!" said Meg. "I only talk about boys that never would have a date with me" Then she turned to Natalie. "What do you say?"

"Sure" Natalie smiled. "It would be fun. Well, see you later!" said the blonde girl as she returned to her classes.

"Wow, did you saw that?" asked Meg to Matt, excited. "She said yes! I have a **cool** friend!"

"I'm very happy for you, sweetheart" said Matt, toneless.

"But…?" asked Meg.

"Maybe it isn't anything, but I have a bad feeling about that girl" said Matt.

"Bad feeling? What do you mean?" asked Meg again, bit pissed.

"Like I said before, maybe it isn't anything…but whatever you do this afternoon, don't tell her anything about the spellbook, okay?" said Matt.

"Don't worry…" said Meg

Back at the Griffin house, Peter is in the back lawn, working alone on the crib. While working, he mutters curses against his former friends. Lois walks to him holding a platter with some lemonade.

"Peter, are you okay?" asked Lois.

"I'm freakin' good!" replied "Why do you ask?"

"Peter, you can't be mad at your friends forever just for that stupid quarrel" said Lois.

"Why do you think I'm still mad at them?" asked Peter.

"Well, you were shouting 'Take that, crippled cop! Die, you black slow-talking asshole!' and other insults related to your friends while hammering the nails." Said Lois "I haven't seen you this angry since that time we went to that Star Wars convention"

**Flashback**

In the Star Wars convention, Peter (dressed as Han Solo) and Lois (dressed as princess Leia) are sitting in front of a huge scenario, among another Star Wars fans.

"God, I can't believe I'm going to meet George Lucas, Mark Hamil, Carrie Fisher, Harrison Ford and the rest of the original Star Wars crew!" said Peter, very excited.

"Yes, I'm also a bit excited" replied Lois.

Then a man walked in the scenario, holding a microphone.

"Ladies and gentleman, I have bad news" said the man. "We received a call from George Lucas telling us that he won't be able to come here"

The audience then moaned sadly.

"Well, at least we will meet Mark Hamil, Harrison Ford and…" was about to say a boy dressed as Darth Vader.

"Actually, no" said the man. "Mark Hamil, Harrison Ford, Carrie Fisher, the guy who played Darth Vader, the guy who played Chewbacca and any other important or well known character won't be here. Even the extras that played as storm troopers won't come"

The crowd then began to mutter angrily.

"Who's coming, then?" asked another fan.

"Ahmed Best" said the man.

"Who is that?" asked Peter.

"The guy who voiced Jar Jar Binks" said the man.

The crowd then riots in a massive wave of violence towards the entire convention.

**End Flashback**

"And what if I'm still mad about those jerks?" asked Peter "I have a lot of friends. I don't need them"

"Actually, you haven't. They're your only friends" stated Lois.

"Anyway, I can make new friends whenever I want!" replied Peter in a childish manner.

"That's nice, but, when are you going to make that crib for Meg's baby?" asked Lois.

"What are you talking about? I've just finished it!" said Peter, proudly. "Tell me of it's not the best crib you've ever seen!"

Lois just stared at him. Then Peter looked at what he just made. It was a wooden mailbox.

"Crap…" said Peter as he tossed his hammer away.

"AAAHHHHH! MY FOOT!!" screamed Mort Goldman off-screen. "Okay, okay, I won't borrow you anything anymore!!"

Meanwhile, inside Meg's room, she's chatting with Natalie about things that girls usually talk between them.

"Wow, you really have been on those many countries?" asked Meg, who was hearing Natalie telling about her life.

"Yes. And remember, if you visit Italy someday, don't forget to cover your ears. Those people talk really really loud" explained Natalie.

"You're so interesting…you must be the coolest friend I've ever made. Unlike me, an unpopular girl that works in a gardening store and get picked on by the popular kids at school" said Meg sadly.

"Don't talk like that" replied Natalie. "You're also interesting…in your own way. I mean, how many girls are going to be mom at the age of 18?"

"Do you think that's interesting?" asked Meg, surprised.

"Well, it may looks that my life is awesome, travelling around the world, meeting a lot of people, visiting different countries…but sometimes I wish I could change my life for a life like yours. And yes, I think that becoming a mother is quite an interesting experience."

"Then you must be the only one" laughed Meg. "I'm so happy for meeting you" said Meg.

"Me too" said Natalie.

"Spring break will be soon" commented Meg. "Do you think you'll be here when it comes? We could go together to some parties and pools and concerts…"

"I'd love to" said Natalie. "But I don't think so. Dad said that we won't be here much longer" said Natalie sadly. "God, I hate this. If there's some way I could change my life…"

"Well, actually-" was about to say Meg, but she stopped, and remembered Matthew's words.

_Don't __tell her anything about the spellbook, okay?_

Meg though about it. She just has met Natalie and she was going to reveal that she was in possession of an old magical book. However, with the book, she could, for example, give her dad another job, here, in Quahog, and she won't have to move to another place ever.

"Did you say something, Meg?" asked Natalie.

"Yes" said Meg, as she began to look for the book.

"_Matt's going to kill me for this, but it's for a righteous cause"_ Though Meg.

"This is a magical book. It contains hundreds of spells. Maybe I could use it for making you to stay here as long as you want" said Meg.

"Wait, are you telling me that that book is really magical?" asked Natalie, who hardly believed in Meg's words.

"I'll show you" said Meg before casting a simple spell. Meg's bed then levitated on air.

"WOW!" said Natalie in amazement. "It's _real_! And I though you were interesting before knowing this!"

"Yes, but you must promise me that you won't tell anybody about this" said Meg.

"Don't worry, I won't" said Natalie.

Then a car's horn was heard several times from outside. Natalie looked through the window.

"That's my dad. I must leave now" said Natalie. "I enjoyed a lot today, Meg. You're really a nice and cool friend"

"Do you think we can hang out tomorrow?" asked Meg. "We could go to the mall and buy some clothes, and later eat some pizza…"

"Maybe…" said Natalie, before leaving. "But I have a better idea. Would you like to come at my home for dinner?"

"Really?" asked Meg. "Let me ask mom!" shouted Meg in excitement, before running downstairs.

"Oh, and Meg?"

"Yes?"

"Bring the spellbook with you" asked Natalie. "There something I want to do with it…if it's okay with you"

"Don't worry" said Meg, before leaving the room.

Natalie then pulled out a cell phone.

"Hello?" asked a male voice.

"She's coming" said Natalie.

"Perfect. This job will end soon" replied the voice, and hanged the phone.

Later that afternoon, all the Griffins except Meg are at the Quahog grocery store doing their usual shopping.

"Peter, did you finish the crib?" asked Brian.

"No..." muttered Peter. "Damn, I can't believe I'm going to lose 100 bucks in such a stupid way" added.

"What?" asked Lois.

"Yeah. I bet 100 bucks with Quagmire, Cleveland and Joe that I could make the best crib of all"

"Peter, what did I tell you about bets?" asked Lois, disgusted. "After what happened last month."

**Flashback**

Lois is watching TV at the living room, when Peter comes to her.

"Lois, I have some bad news" said Peter.

"What kind of bad news?" asked Lois as she turned off the TV.

"It's about last's week poker party…" said Peter. "I made a huge bet…and I lost"

"A huge bet!?" asked Lois, as her eyes opened wide. "What the hell did you bet? Our house?"

"No…you" said Peter.

"WHAT!?"

Quagmire then bursts in the house.

"Say hello to your new husband, giggity giggity goo!" shouted Quagmire, as she took Lois away.

**End Flashback**

"Thank goodness I'm a very skilled poker player and could win a rematch" said Lois.

"I'm sorry for that, Lois" said Peter "I should bet Meg"

"No, you should stop betting!" said Lois angrily. "Also, you should make it up with your friends"

"Okaaaaay" said Peter disdainfully. "I'll call them when we get home, okay?"

Meanwhile, at the Griffin house, matt's alone watching TV.

**Cutaway to the TV**

"In our local news, we received information about a serial murderer called Trevor Clarkson being spotted in Quahog" said Tom.

"That's right Tom" said Diane. "Trevor Clarkson, wanted criminal in 17 states but not in this state, is wanted for the murder of 11 teenager girls, who were burned to death. He alleged the first time he was arrested that he was a witch hunter, and those girls who killed were evil witches. Our sources also states that Trevor has an accessory to his crimes. A young teenage girl presumed to be his daughter "

"So, a witch murderer?" asked Tom. "Then you shouldn't get out of home too much, Diane" said Tom cheerfully, and Diane glared at him coldly.

**End cutaway**

"Clarkson…Clarkson…when did I hear that name?" asked Matt to himself. "Crap! It was that new girl!"

Matt quickly pulled out his cell and dialled Meg's number, hoping that it wasn't too late.

Meanwhile, inside Natalie's dad's car, Meg's cell rings.

"Hello?" asked Meg.

"Meg!" shouted Matt, somehow relieved to hear her voice. "Where are you?"

"I'm in Natalie's car" said Meg "I though I already told you that I'm going to have dinner at her home!"

"Meg, you must get out of there RIGHT NOW!" shouted Matt.

"Why?" asked Meg, a bit confused. Natalie then called Meg. "Wait a second; Natalie wants to tell me something…" said as she lowered her cell. "What do you want?"

"Please smell this flower" said before handing Meg a very weird green flower.

Meg sniffed it.

"It smells funny…whoa…why I am feeling so dizzy?" said Meg, as she began to notice that she was slowly getting asleep. "Natalie…what…do…?"

"I'm sorry Meg. I didn't want this to happen" said Natalie, full of sadness, as she saw how Meg finally got asleep and dropped her cell phone.

"Meg!? MEG!!" shouted Matt from the other side of the line.

In that moment, the Griffins entered in the house, and saw Matt screaming through the phone.

"Matt?" asked Lois. "What are you doing?"

"It's Meg!!" said "I think that some maniac just kidnapped her!"

"What?" asked Lois in confusion.

"In the news talked about some guy who arrived Quahog which is a witch hunter and has the same surname as Meg's new friend! We must find her!" said Matt

"Whoa, Meg gets a friend who isn't a loser and she tries to kill her" said Peter. "I know that I say this too much, but Meg definitely sucks"

"But where are we going to look for her?" asked Brian.

"In the news said that the guy was named Trevor Clarkson" said Matt "Maybe Joe can help us, since that guy is a wanted criminal."

"Oh, yeah…Joe" said Peter, disdainfully. "Why don't we just hope it solves by itself? Besides, nobody is going to miss Meg"

"I'm going to miss her!" said Matt, angrily.

"Peter, I think this is a good time for make it up with your friends" said Lois. "We really NEED them."

"Okay, okay…"

Later, at the front door, Peter is talking with his friends.

"Peter, Lois told us that you have something to tell us" said Joe.

"Yes, it's just that…that…I'm sorry" muttered Peter.

"What?" asked Quagmire.

"I'm sorry" replied peter.

"Sorry, could you say it louder? I didn't hear you" said Cleveland.

"I'M SORRY! OKAY? I'm sorry for being such a jerk towards you!!" shouted Peter.

"Hey, there was something in my ears, that's why I couldn't hear you. There's no need to get so angry" said Cleveland.

"I'm sorry too, Peter" said Joe. "This is also my fault. I shouldn't said that you couldn't handle difficult job"

"Yeah, our behaviour was shameful" said Quagmire. "I want us to be friends again"

"Come here!" said Peter as he and his friends hugged altogether. "I love happy endings" said Peter.

"Ehm, Peter, aren't you forgetting about something?" asked Lois, pissed.

"…"

"THAT GUY WHO KIDNAPPED MEG!" shouted Matt.

"Somebody kidnapped Meg?" asked Quagmire. "Crap, I wanted to do that next week!" complained Quagmire.

"What?" asked Lois.

"What?" asked Quagmire.

"Don't worry, we'll find Meg" said Joe.

Later at the police station, Joe is checking in a computer the information about the witch hunter.

"Here it is" said Joe "Trevor Clarkson. Accused for the murdering of eleven teenage girl. The first time he was arrested, he alleged that they were witches. Then he break out of the jail, before he could be judged"

"No wonder why he kidnapped Meg" said Brian. "He must hear something about Miriam's rampage in the last month"

"Wow look at that" pointed Peter "It says that those girls were burned to death in a forest near to their hometown."

Meanwhile, in the woods, Meg regained consciousness. She was tied to a wooden pole, and a lot of sticks were set at her feet.

"Natalie…?" asked Meg as she saw her so-called friend, looking at her with a guilty look. There was also a man wearing a black jacket who was holding a torch and the spellbook.

"Finally, the legendary Miriam falls" said .

"Miriam?" what the hell? Who are you?" asked Meg.

"My name's Trevor Clarkson, and I'm a witch hunter" said Trevor. "And I was finally able to track and capture you, Miriam" said, triumphal. "And soon, I'll be able to erease you form existence!"

"I'm not Miriam!" shouted Meg in desperation.

"You can't fool me Miriam. I saw what you've done recently. But now I shall put end to your reign of terror!" said Trevor as he lit the sticks around Meg. "Oh, and thanks for your book. Now I'll be able to kill witches even faster!"

The sticks began to burn.

"Natalie!" begged Meg. "Help me, please!"

"Sorry, Meg" said Natalie as tears began to flow from her eyes. "I didn't want this to happen. I really liked you…"

Suddenly, a police van rushed to the place. The Griffins, Matt and Joe came out of it.

"Okay, GET THE HELL AWAY OF THAT GIRL, SCUMBAG!" shouted Joe as he pointed him with his gun.

"Okay, I'll do it" said Trevor. "But, can you move over the right, please?" asked Trevor.

"Where that big red X is?" asked Peter.

"Yes"

"Okay" said Peter.

They moved over the X, but suddenly a metal cage fell, trapping all except Matt, who could jump away from it

"Crap!" shouted Peter. "Who could know this was a trap?"

"Definitely, not you" said Brian.

"Shut up, you already fell in this trap" said Lois.

"Touché…" said Brian

Matt then approached to Trevor in a battle stand. He saw how the flames towards Meg raised dangerously.

"Okay, free my wife now or else…!" threatened Matt.

"Or else what?" asked Trevor as he pulled out a gun.

"Crap, I wasn't counting on that" said Matt in frustration.

Meg watched hopeless how the flames approached to her.

"Natalie, please, don't do this!" cried Meg. "I'm pregnant..."

Natalie didn't want to look at her.

"Natalie, I can see that you don't want to do this!" shouted Matt. "Please, you can stop this madness!"

"Don't listen to him, Natalie!" said Trevor, as he was still pointing Matt with the gun.

"Natalie, please…" cried Meg.

"Come on Natalie, you can change this!" said Matt.

"Shut up!" shouted Trevor as he shot at Matt several times.

Matt saw in shock how the bullets flew towards him in a very slow motion. Then he dodged all the bullets(moving also in a very slow motion) by moving aside. After the bullets hit a nearby tree, the motion was again normal.

"Wow! How did you do that?" asked Peter in amazement.

"Copyright violation" said Matt. "You should give it a try".

"Alright, then there's something I've always wanted to do!" shouted Peter, as he began to grow in size, his skin become green and grew enormous muscles. After that, he easily broke the cage.

"Okay, we should stop by now" said Brian. "This is getting too weird"

"Crap!" shouted Trevor. "Natalie… What the hell?"

To his dismay, Trevor saw that Natalie has just released Meg from her impending death!

"Natalie! How could you…!" shouted Trevor in anger.

"I'm not going to be your pawn anymore, dad!" said Natalie, in a very defiant tone. "This was the last straw!"

"Natalie, don't you…!"

However, unfortunately for him, he was distracted long enough for being tackled (and almost squashed) by everybody.

Later that night, Joe is putting Trevor in a police car.

"I'll get you sooner or later, damn witch!" shouted Trevor.

"I don't think so. You're going to spend a lot of time in jail, piece of trash!" said Joe before speeding the car.

"Meg" said Natalie as she walked to her. "I'm really sorry about what happened. If you want to report me to police, I will accept it"

"Well, I'm a bit pissed about what you've done, but, at the end, you make the right choice, and I guess that's enough for forgiving you" said Meg.

"Thanks, Meg! You're really a friend!" said Natalie, and she hugged Meg. "But I should did that years ago…a lot of innocent girls died by my fault"

"It wasn't your fault" said Meg. "It was that bastard's fault, so try to get over it"

"So, where are you going to stay, Natalie?" asked Lois.

"Mr. Quagmire offered me to stay at his home until I find a permanent place to live" said Natalie. "He seems to be a very decent guy"

Everybody then burst in laughs. Natalie looked at them confused.

The next day everybody is in the back lawn of the Griffins, looking at Peter, Joe, Cleveland and Quagmire working on something.

"At last, it finished!" said Peter.

Then they moved away to reveal…yes, this time is a beautiful wooden crib.

"So, what do you think of it, Meg?" asked Cleveland.

"It's perfect! Thank you everybody!" said Meg, moved.

"See? You can do marvellous things with good friends" said Lois.

"Speaking of friends, Meg, you may know that Natalie's no longer living at my house. She has moved to Jillian's appartment" said Quagmire.

"What happened?" asked Peter.

"Let's say that she didn't enjoy her first night too much…"

"And excatly, whadid you do, Glenn?" asked Lois, suspiciuously.

"We watched the first season od Starsky&Hutch, and she didn't like it!" said Quagmire. "She told me that she didn't want to live with such an old fashioned man! Starsky&Hutch are never old fashioned! That series were one of the most known icons of its age and she said it was boring! can you beleive it?"

"Yeah. Who would though that somebody could say that Starsky&Hutch are old fashioned or even boring" said Peter.

**End Chapter**

(A/N: I've greatly updated my profile, adding a lot of information about my stories, OCs, future projects and a picture of an upcoming OC. There will be also information about the next chapter of this story (a brief summary) among how much of it is done. Also, I'd like you to tell me in a review or PM which are your 3 favourite chapters of this story. Sorry for the lateness of this chapter, I'll try to finish next as soon as possible. Thanks for reading and don't forget to review!)


	17. Too much crazy in Love

Hello everybody, I'm Ander Arias, proud author of The Spellbook. You may ask what I'm doing here, well, it's easy: since I'm in no mood for write a new chapter, I decided to do what lazy cartoon writers usually do (especially in the Simpsons): a compilation episode.

That's right. Today (or tonight if you are reading this at night) we will watch again the best moments, flashbacks, jokes and gags of these past 16 chapters. Also, I'm so unoriginal that I'm copying the especial 100th episode from family guy, so I also will interview some people who hate this story only for a cheap laughs. Enjoy it.

…

…

HAHA, YOU FELL FOR IT!!

Come on, I'll never, NEVER would write a compilation chapter. Compilation chapters are worse than watching Adolf Hitler on a unicycle juggling fish. However there are worst things like compilation episodes, like Mort Goldman, seeing Herbert in every freaking episode(Seth seems to be in love with these two horrible characters IMO), long and boring musical numbers that, God help us, Seth loves (and he thinks that we love them too)…

So, without further ado, here's a fresh brand new chapter of this story, with no Herbert appearances, no long, pointless and boring musical numbers, no callback jokes from other chapters, no 1980 TV, 1980 movies or 1980 cartoon references that nobody except the writers get, and featuring in the main plot other characters than Stewie and Brian. Which will be Chris…

"Yay for me!" said Chris off-screen and clapped.

…along with his sister Meg.

"Owwwwww…" moaned Chris sadly.

This will be also my first attempt to give Chris a decent screentime, so sorry if I suck at writing Chris.

(Sorry about that. I just HAD to vent my frustrations with the actual show)

Now here's the new chapter…no, wait, it seems that the chapter must wait, because Stewie comes to me holding the script. Yes Stewie, what can I do for you?

"Mr. Arias, I read the script again and…why I have so few lines?" asked Stewie.

Because this chapter's plot doesn't revolve around you.

"Come on! I'm the most popular Family Guy character! You MUST give me at least a subplot!" complained Stewie.

Really? Because you didn't have a single line and nobody ever mentioned you in the last chapter and nobody complained about that.

"But-!"

Stewie, you have plenty of chapters about you in the series, and most of the Family Guy Fanfiction is about you, so, don't bother me again with that crap.

"Okay…" muttered Stewie angrily as she walked to the scenario. "Idiot…"

I've heard that!

And now, without further-

(Peter walks to me)

"Hey, Mr. Arias, there's something I-".

(Gunshot)

It seemed that Peter wanted to say something, but he couldn't finish his sentence. Anyway, without further ado, here's the new chapter.

**Chapter 1****7: Too much crazy in love**

It was a sunny day at Quahog. Lois and Mrs. Lockhart were taking Stewie and Sophie a ride in their strollers, while having a conversation.

"So, is Matthew giving you some problems since he's living at your place?" asked Mrs. Lockhart to Lois.

"Oh, no, he's a very nice guy" replied Lois cheerfully. "He even sometimes helps me to do some housework."

"Does he have a job yet?" asked the blonde woman.

"No" said Lois. "And I hope he gets a job soon. I don't want my daughter to be married with a jobless guy"

"Don't worry; Matt is a very capable boy. I'm sure he'll find something soon" said Lana.

"Oh, he started working on a McDonalds, but he left it the first day, and came home very pissed" commented Lois.

"I wonder what happened…" said Mrs. Lockhart

**Flashback**

Matt, dressed with a paper hat and an apron, is making note of people's meal.

"Welcome to McDonalds" said Matt through the microphone. "What do you want?"

"Yeah, I'd like to have a Big Mac, a medium fries and a coke" said a man through the speaker.

"Okay…" replied Matt as he was making note.

"I also want a toy with my Big Mac" said the man.

"Sorry, but if you want a toy, you must order a happy meal" said Matt.

"Okay, then change the Big Mac for a happy meal" said the man.

"All right…change the Big Mac for the happy meal…anything else?" asked Matt, a bit pissed.

"Now that I think about it…the happy meal toys are usually very crappy, and the Big Mac is bigger and tastier, so I'll take the Big Mac."

Muttering profanities against that man, Matt changed again his order.

"So, a Big Mac, a medium fries and a coke, it's everything all right?" asked Matt, now very pissed.

"No. Now that it comes to my mind, I always order a Big Mac and I want to try another burger, so change the Big Mac for a McRoyal Deluxe with beacon"

Said the man.

"Okay, but it will be the LAST change I'm going to do!" said Matt, now really angry. "I have a lot of work and I'm almost spending the whole day with you!"

"My God, what a bad attitude towards a customer. Forget about that, I'm going to eat in a Burger King" said the man.

"AAAAAARRRGHHHHH!!" shouted Matt as he tossed away the apron and left.

Outside the McDonalds, Peter drives away from the speaker.

"What kind of nagging jerks hire now in the McDonalds" muttered Peter.

**End Flashback**

"Wow, you look pretty bad today" said Stewie to Sophie.

"Yes" said Sophie, before rubbing her stomach. "I have a very bad stomach ache. My new mom breastfed me this morning"

"OH MY GOD" shouted Stewie. "Did you really drink milk from those huge vats?"

"Yeah. It's like drinking from a bottomless bottle…it seems to never end!" complained Sophie. "It was good at the beginning. Her milk had a funny taste but it was sweet. But when I was full, she forced me to drink it all. ALL. She said something about me being too small and that I need more nutrients for properly growing up and stuff…"

"I know. Mothers act like they care about us but they DON'T!" shouted Stewie. "If you want, I can kill your mom when I've finished with Lois"

"Um…thanks but no…" said Sophie.

Meanwhile, at the Griffin house, Peter, Meg and Brian are watching TV. Meg is 4 months pregnant and her stomach is starting to get bigger. Suddenly Matt burst through the door very excited.

"Guess what?!" asked Matt.

"It's a movie?" asked Peter.

"Uh…no….it was a rhetoric question" said Matt.

"I see…it's an actor?" asked again Peter.

"Dad, Matt's not playing at guessing riddles, he-" said Meg.

"Shut up Meg! I know exactly what Matt's trying to say!" then he turned back to Matt. "So, it's a movie or not?"

"Peter, do you ever know what 'rhetoric' means?" asked Brian dryly.

"Of course I know what means, Brian" replied Peter. "In fact, I'm so sure of what rhetoric means that my head would explode if I'd know what the hell I'm talking about"

Everybody then look at each other in confusion.

"Anyway, I have another job! I work at the Pizza Quahog as a delivery man" said Matt as he turned around, showing a dark blue coat and a dark blue hat, both with the words 'Pizza Quahog' typed in red and the picture of a clam eating a piece of pizza.

"Matt, that's fabulous!" said Meg before hugging him.

"I'll finally be able to bring some money" said Matt "It wasn't fair that you had a job and I hadn't"

"What happened to that job at the McDonalds?" asked Brian.

"I quit" said Matt. "A lot of stupid jerks go to eat there, and I couldn't resist it anymore"

"I know perfectly what you are talking about" said Peter "Last week I went to the McDonalds in the downtown and I was attended by a very nagging and bad tempered kid" explained Peter.

"Really?" asked Matt "I also had to attend a very stupid guy who hadn't made his mind about what was about to eat"

"God, I'm sure that guy was a total asshole who ignores most of his family and abuses his daughter" said Peter.

"Yeah, and I'm also sure that the kid who attended you was a stupid brat married to some pregnant dorky girl" said Matt, and he high five Peter.

Chris then entered in the house, looking pretty sad, dragging his feet, with the hands inside his pockets.

"Hey, Chris, why are you so downbeat?" asked Peter.

"There's a dance at school this friday, and I don't have a date" explained Chris.

"You know, that actually used to be one of my most used lines, but I'm so glad that somebody else is using it instead of me!" said Meg cheerful.

"So, are you going to get a new catchphrase?" asked Matt.

"How about 'bite my shiny metal ass'?" suggested Peter.

"I think that line is taken, and doesn't suit for Meg. It would suit more for an alcoholic, womanizer, kleptomaniac robot" commented Matt.

"Hello?" said Chris, annoyed. "Can we get back to my problem of not having a date?"

"That can't be true, Chris" said Peter, trying to comfort his son. "You inherited your dad's sex appeal and charm with the women"

"Are you sure that is not the problem?" asked Brian sarcastically.

"Chris, how about if I help you to find a date for the dance?" asked Meg.

"Do you really do that?" asked Chris.

"Of course" replied Meg "You're my brother, and I still owe you one for that time you stood for me against Carl"

"Thanks a lot Meg! You don't suck as much as dad says" said Chris, grateful.

"Thanks" replied Meg with a smile.

"But you still suck" added Chris.

Meg's smile faded.

"Okay, say something like that again and I'll turn you into a frog" threatened Meg.

"Whoa, Chris, you're asking MEG for help you to get a date!" said Peter. "I've never imagined you could sink THAT low!"

"Shut up, you fat bastard!" shouted Meg angrily. "Don't worry Chris, tomorrow I'll help you to get a date"

"Yeah, asking Meg for get a girl" said Stewie "That's more disgusting than the last season of Zoey 101"

**Flashback**

In the Pacific Coast Academy, everybody it's at History class. The teacher ask a question.

"So, does anybody know which year Neil Armstrong reached the moon?"

Zoey then raises the hand.

"Yes, Zoey?"

"It was in nineteen…Oh crap, my water broke!" shouted Zoey, who was 9 months pregnant.

"What the hell are you saying?" asked Chase.

"I'm going to have a baby!! Please, take me to a hospital!" begged.

"I think that she's not acting" said Michael.

"OH MY GOD!!" shouted Logan "I'm so hot…" said as he looked at himself in a mirror, ignoring the rest.

"Um…you should turn that off" said Quinn to the cameraman.

**End Flashback**

Later that night, Meg is in the bathroom throwing up.

"Meg, are you okay?" asked Matt from outside the room.

"Y-yes…I think this was the last…" said Meg in a weak voice, before leaving the bathroom. "God, I hate this! I'm always throwing up, my back hurts, my ankles hurt and I'm hypersensitive to some smells! It's like I'm sick! The only good thing is that my boobs grew bigger"

"If there's something I can do…" offered Matt.

"Don't worry, I'm okay" said Meg. "But I'm still a bit shocked from the doctor's office"

**Flashback**

Meg, Matt, Peter and Lois are at the Doctor's Hartman office, waiting the results of a scan. The doctor was watching a paper.

"Mmmmm…I don't like this…no, definitely I don't like this…" said Hartman. Meg began to frighten. "This looks very very bad…"

"Doc, please, tell us straight, there's something wrong with the baby?" asked Matt.

"I'm sorry to tell you this, but she has lost the baby" said Hartman.

"NO!" shouted Meg, as she buried her face on Matt's shoulder, crying uncontrollably.

"My daughter" said Doctor Hartman. "She was babysitting Mrs. Jacobs' baby, and went to a trip to the woods and she lost it. However the police find it hours later. The Jacobs had sued us for it. However, I'm worried about the mother"

"The mother?" asked Lois, scared.

"The Mother's day. It's going to be soon and I haven't bought any gift for my mom. But I didn't like these results…" said Hartman

"What? WHAT?" shouted Meg.

"Red Sox lost the last match, and I bet a lot of money for them. Well, let's talk about AIDS" said Hartman.

"AIDS?" asked Lois in horror.

"Yeah, each year a lot of children die of AIDS, so I though you could contribute for medical research and…"

"ENOUGH!" shouted Meg. "Tell me how my baby is and no more jokes!!"

"Your baby is okay, Mrs. Kennedy. It's growing at a normal rate and doesn't present anything worth of worring.

"Sometimes I wonder why we still come to this doctor" commented Peter.

"You'll be surprised of how many people said that, Mr. Griffin" chuckled Hartman.

**End Flashback**

Minutes later, everybody is in the couch watching TV.

"I'm so happy that you have a job" said Meg.

"Me too. Now we'll have enough money for support little MJ" said Matt.

"MJ?" asked Meg a bit confused.

"Yes. Matt Junior if it turns to be a boy and Meg Junior if it's a girl. The M stands both for Meg and Matt" explained Matt.

"It's well though, but I want to give my child a name more original" replied Meg. "Also, MJ is Spiderman's girlfriend"

"Are you coming up with names for your kid?" asked Lois. "When I was pregnant, Peter and I used to discuss a lot about your names."

**Flashback 18 years ago…**

In a hospital room, Lois is in a bed with newborn Meg in her arms.

"So, Peter, how should we name her?" asked Lois.

"Peter Junior" said Peter.

Lois just stared at him.

"Peter, we can't name her Peter Junior!" said Lois angrily.

"Why not?" asked Peter

"Because she's a girl!!" replied Lois.

"Okay, I'll think in another name…how about R2D2?" asked Peter.

"Peter, can you think in a NORMAL name?" asked Lois. "I know, we can call her Meg"

"Pfff, Meg is such a pathetic name, only has three letters…let's call her R2D2 better, it's a name that suits perfectly for a girl and for a boy"

"Listen, let's do this" said Lois "I'll flip a coin. If it turns to be head, we call her Meg. If is tail, we call her R2D2, okay?"

"Okay"

**3**** years later…**

In a hospital room, Lois is in a bed watching the newborn Chris in a crib. This time she's not holding him in her arms because Chris has the size of an elephant. Peter and a 4 year old Meg are also looking at him.

"Whoa! He's ever bigger than me!" said little Meg in amazement.

"Peter, last time I decided Meg's name, so I think it's fair that you decide our son's name this time" said Lois, trying to be understanding.

"Okay. We'll name him Rachel" said Peter. Lois then looked at him, as her left eye twitched.

"Peter are you nuts!?" shouted Lois.

"What's wrong now?" asked Peter. "When I think in a male name, you give me crap, and when I think in a female name, you give me more crap! Make your mind already!"

"Peter, it's a BOY! We can't name him Rachel!" said Lois angrily. "I think that we could name him Chris"

"I like Chris, it's a cool name" said little Meg

"Shut up Meg!" said Peter, then he turned to Lois "Well, I want to name him Rachel!"

"Okay, I'll flip a coin again. Head, Chris; tail, Rachel" said Lois.

**12**** years later…**

Lois is in the same hospital room from the previous flashbacks, holding newborn Stewie, as Peter, Meg and Chris look at them.

"For the last time, Peter I'm not going to call my son BATMAN!!" said Lois.

"We'll, you have to agree that is a better name than 'Stewie'. Stewie sounds kinda gay. I bet that if you call him Stewie, he'll turn into a closet homosexual" said Peter.

"Okay, I'll flip a coin again…" said Lois.

**End Flashback**

"Thanks god that your dad never noticed that I flipped a tricked coin with two heads" whispered Lois to Meg.

"Well done" whispered back Meg.

"So, have you though in a name for your kid?" asked Brian.

"If it's a boy, I'd like to call him Ryan" said Meg. "And if it's a girl…Madeline"

"Madeline is a beautiful name" said Matt. "But better not. Fanfiction infringement"

"Besides, that bit is a fanfiction infringement already" pointed Brian.

Meg then yawned as she stretched her arms.

"I think that I'm going to bed. I'm tired" said Meg as she walked upstairs.

"I'll be there soon, Meg" said Matt.

"Good night, Meg" said Chris. "Remember that you say you were going to help me to find a date!"

"Don't worry Chris, I haven't forgot it" said Meg. "Good night everybody".

"Good night, Meg" said Matt.

"Good night sweetie" said Lois.

"Good night, Peter Junior" said Peter.

"Peter!" shouted Lois "She's Meg, not Peter Junior!"

"Lois, please, don't go against me in front of the kids. We're setting a bad example for Rachel and Batman" said Peter as he pointed to Chris and Stewie.

"Haha, he called you Batman!" laughed Chris as he pointed Stewie. "Hey, wait a moment…"

"Peter, no offense, but you're already a bad example for kids" said Matt. "That's why you were kicked from WWE".

**Flashback**

We see Peter talking to the camera.

"Hello, I'm WWE superstar Peter Griffin, and I have a very important message for all our fans. WWE superstars are professionals and are trained. The moves we do on the ring take years of practice and improvement to do it safely. However, that's not reason enough for not trying this at home or school. Try to jump off of the top of a ladder. Hit your parents and siblings with a steel chair every time you get angry at them. Practice such a dangerous moves like Stone Cold Stunner, Swanton Bomb, Tombstone or RKO with your friends for fun, and don't worry about the fact that those movements can kill people if aren't done correctly. So, remember, try this at home or school. It will be freaking sweet!"

**End Flashback**

"_Dear Diary, tonight was a very good day. Matt got a new job and my scan revealed that my baby is going to be healthy. Since I got that magic book and met Matt, my life is no more sad or miserable. Boy I'm so happy that I'd ever be kind towards Connie…__hahahahahaha,oh, come on who the hell I'm trying to kid, I'll never could be kind to that bitch…"_

"_Tomorrow I must help my brother to get a date for the Friday dance. It's going to be a very difficult task…but I promised him I'll do it…maybe if I use the spellbook for making him an artificial girl…nah, it wouldn't work…"_

"I though you were tired" said Matt as he walked in.

"I am" said Meg, as he closed the book. "But I like to write some lines in my diary before going to bed"

Both then went to the bed. Meg came closer to her husband, and Matt hugged her with his bare arms.

"I'm so happy for you" asked Meg "I hope that you keep this job for longer"

"I'll try, but I won't promise you anything" said Matt, and both laughed.

"Have you ever though about the future?" asked Meg.

"No…" said Matt. "But I hope that, in the future, I have a job less…crappier"

"Do you know what I want to be when I grow up?" asked Meg. "Journalist. Maybe I could be the News head anchorwoman"

"I always wanted to be a cop" said Matt. "But not a normal cop. A SWAT member."

"SWAT? Isn't that a bit dangerous?" asked Meg.

"Yes, but they get a lot of action!" said Matt. "That's why I want to be a SWAT"

"Do you think that our future dreams will come true?" asked Meg.

"Sure" replied Matt, very self-confident. "And, if things go wrong, we have the spellbook"

Both Matt and Meg laughed again before falling asleep.

Next day at the James Wood High, Meg is giving Chris some advices about girls. They're in the hallway.

"Chris, listen" said Meg. "Girls like boys that compliment them, so the first step before asking any girl a date is praising something about them"

"Right" replied Chris.

"Okay, now go to speak to that girl" and Meg pointed a nearby brunette girl "and say her something nice" said Meg.

"What should I say?" asked Chris.

"I dunno, boys never told me nice things…but, tell her something about having a pretty hair" said Meg.

"Okay…there I go" mumbled Chris, nervous.

Chris then walks to the girl.

"Hello Tiffany" said Chris.

"Oh, hi, Chris" smiled Tiffany. "What do you want?"

"Has somebody tell you that you have a very nice hair?" asked Chris, who was still very nervous.

"Really?" asked Tiffany, blushed. "Do you think that of my hair?"

"_Okay, this goes good"_ Though Meg, who was watching the scene.

"Yes, your hair is brown, like my poo!" said Chris.

"_NO!"_

"WHAT?" asked Tiffany. "Are comparing my hair with poo!? You're such a douchebag!" shouted Tiffany before slapping Chris hard in the face and left, very angry.

Chris then walked to Meg, wile rubbing his cheek.

"What did I do wrong, Meg?" asked Chris.

"Oh, I don't know, maybe talking about poo!?" replied Meg, annoyed.

"Sorry, I'm not good with girls" said Chris.

"Don't worry, we'll try again" said Meg. "Try again with that girl" said Meg as she pointed a blonde girl, who was stuffing her things in the locker. "And don't mention poo again!"

"Okay, okay…" asked Chris. He then walked to the blonde girl. "Hi, Stephanie" saluted Chris.

"Hello, Chris" replied the Stephanie. "What do you want?"

"Has somebody tell you that you have beautiful green eyes?" said Chris.

"Wow, nobody has ever told me something like that!" said the girl.

"Yeah, they're green like bogeys!" said Chris as he laughed and clapped. Stephanie slapped him again in response. Meg, looking from a distance, hung her head in desperation.

"What I did wrong this time?" asked Chris. "I didn't mention poo!"

Later that afternoon, Meg and Chris enter in the house.

"Here are my kids!" said Lois cheerful. "How was your day?"

"Awful" said Chris, downbeat.

"Huh?"

"We weren't able to find a date for Chris." said Meg.

"Did you really expect that _Meg_ would be able to get you a date?" laughed Peter. "Poor Chris, you're such a naïve!"

"Shut up!" said Meg annoyed "It wasn't my fault! Chris is a freaking lost cause!" complained Meg.

"Well, I guess I have to go to the dance alone..." said Chris sadly as he walked upstairs.

Meg followed him to his room.

"Chris…" called Meg. "I'm sorry I couldn't help"

"No, you were right" said Chris. "I am a lost cause."

"Chris…I know that I couldn't help you, but there are…other ways to get you a date" said Meg.

"Really?" said Chris, as he suddenly jumped next to her. "How?"

"Did you forget that I have a wonderful magic book?" asked Meg, as he smiled to Chris.

Minutes later, Meg and Chris are in Meg's room. Meg is preparing the spell.

"Okay, I guess this should be enough…" said Meg before casting the spell. She pointed her both index fingers to the floor, and casted two pink lightings, making a small explosion when hit the floor. When the smoke faded, Meg picked up something and handed it to Chris. It was a small silver ring.

"This is a Ring of Charm" explained Meg. "It will increase dramatically the wearer's sex appeal and make him to seem more attractive"

Chris stared at her blankly.

"Just wear that damn ring and girls will do anything to be your date" said Meg.

"Oh, okay. Thanks a lot Meg!" said Chris.

Next day at the James Woods High school hallway, Chris is ready for testing the ring's power.

"_I hope that this trinket works"_ though Chris. That was his last chance to get a date. He put the ring in the ring finger, and walked toward a black haired female classmate.

"Hello Cynthia" said Chris.

"Hi Chris" said Cynthia.

"I was wondering…would you like to come with me to tonight's dance?" asked Chris.

"Sure!" replied Cynthia. "Boy, I've never realized that you were so hot…" said Cynthia in a very sensual way. "Well, I'll see you tonight!"

"Yay! I have a date for tonight!" said Chris, cheerful.

Another girl then walks towards Chris.

"Hello, Chris" said the girl.

"Oh, hi, Wendy" said Chris.

"I was thinking that…if you have not a date yet…we could go to the dance together…" said Wendy as he curled her hair with the finger. "Chris, I recently realized that you're a very attractive, smart and funny boy…"

"Thanks a lot Wendy, but I already have a date. It's Cynthia" replied Chris.

"What?" said Wendy, disappointed. "Um…wait a minute…I'll be back right now" said Wendy before leaving.

Chris then stares blankly as the sounds of a human head being beaten against a wall is heard from the background. Wendy then came back to Chris, with her clothes covered in blood.

"Chris, I have bad news" said Wendy. "Cynthia won't be able to go to the dance tonight. She's going to spend this week at the hospital"

"Oh…well, then I guess that I can go to the dance with you" said Chris.

"Perfect!" cheered Wendy, and gave Chris a kiss in the cheek before leaving "See you tonight!"

A latin girl named Monica approaches Chris.

"Hi Chris!" said the girl. "Do you have a date for the dance tonight?"

"Yes, I'm going to go with Wendy" said Chris. "But thanks for asking"

"Oh, I should know it" said Monica. "You're so big and strong and manly and…wait a minute, I have some issues to do…" said Monica before leaving.

Chris then waits for her. Then a chainsaw and loud screams of pain can be heard in the background. Monica then returns covered with blood, holding a chainsaw.

"I'm sorry to tell you this, Chris, but Wendy won't be able to go to the dance" said Monica, as he faked sadness. "She has to go to a funeral…"

"Ah…then I guess I'll be able to go with you" said Chris.

"Excellent!" cheered Monica.

"Monica, can I ask you something?" said Chris.

"Shoot"

"Why are you covered in blood and are you holding a chainsaw?" asked Chris.

"Oh, this…it's that my mom is butcher and my dad…my dad is a woodman, and I usually help them in their jobs" said Monica.

"Whoa, that's a relief. I though you killed Wendy so you can go to the dance with me" said Chris.

Later that night, Meg, Matt (which obviously is Meg's date) and Chris gad gotten fully dressed. Lois was taking pictures of everybody.

"How do I look?" asked Meg. She was wearing a pink one-strapped dress that went down to her feet, a pearl necklace and a small hair slide.

"You look as always" said Matt.

"Awful? Horribly ugly?" asked Peter.

"Actually, I was going to say beautiful" said Matt, who was wearing a black suit with a white shirt and a black bow tie.

"You look stunning too, Matt" said Meg.

Then somebody knocked the door.

"That must be her!" shouted Chris in excitement. Chris was wearing a blue suit with a black shirt and a dark blue necktie.

And yes, when Chris opened the door, there stood Monica in a shocking black strapless short dress.

"Hello, Chris" said Monica. "You look so handsome in that suit…" praised the girl.

"Thanks. You look impressing in that dress too" said Chris. "But you look even better without it"

That phrase would make Monica and any other girl to slap Chris hard and go away from him. But Chris was wearing a magical ring, so that didn't happen. Instead of that Monica said:

"Oh, Chris, you're so funny" said Monica as she laughed.

"It is okay if I borrow your car?" asked Matt to Lois. "My motorbike isn't big enough for taking Chris and his date along with us"

"Okay, but promise me you'll drive with caution" said Lois before handing him the keys.

Minutes later, Meg, Matt, Chris and Monica arrive at the school gymnasium. There are some teens dancing under a shiny disco ball as slow music plays, while others are talking, eating snacks or having some punch.

"Come on Chris, let's go to dance!" said Monica.

"I also want to dance. I love this song" said Meg as she and Monica practically dragged them to the dancefloor.

The two couples began to dance slowly, very close to each other.

"I love this, Matt" whispered Meg. "You and me dancing together, grabbed to each other…there's nothing that can ruin this moment"

"Uh…I won't bet so" said Matt. "Look who's coming"

To Meg's horror, Connie, who was showing a wicked smile, and her friends came to them.

"Hi Meg" said Connie. "Nice dress"

"Um…thanks" replied Meg.

"How many miles of silk did you need for make it? Because you'd need a lot to cover that ginormous ass!" pointed Connie as she and her friends laughed.

"What's wrong with you, skank?" asked Matt, before getting in front of Connie, glaring her coldly.

Chris, who is still dancing with Monica saw this, and though that he should help Meg after she helped him to get a date.

"Monica, wait here, I have something to do" said Chris.

"Where are you going?" asked Monica, a bit concerned.

"My sister needs some help. It won't take long" said Chris, before walking to the brawl. "Hey, stop bothering my sister!" said Chris to Connie

"Oh, looks who's here! " said Connie as she rolled her eyes. "Listed, fat brat, I…" was about to say Connie, but she stopped.

"What?" asked Chris. Connie was looking at him with dreamly eyes.

"I've never realized that so were so freaking HOT!" said Connie, surprising everybody. "Do you want to dance with me?"

"Eeeeh…"

"No, dance with me better!" said Lisa.

"I asked him before!" shouted Connie before shoving away Lisa.

"Yes, but I dance better than you, and even a retarded monkey know that!" pointed Lisa as she shoved back Connie.

"Excuse me" said Monica as she joined the conversation. "But Chris is not going to dance with any of you. He's with me" said as he pulled his sleeve, moving Chris away from them.

"Meg, I smell troubles" said Matt.

"Yeah…me too" said Meg.

"Get your hands off of Chris, you stupid Mexican slut!" said Connie as he pulled again Chris' sleeve, very hard.

"I'm from Puerto Rico!" said Monica. "And the only slut here it's you! Zorra!"

"What did you call me!?"

"Girls, we should-" was about to say Chris, but nobody listened him.

Monica, Connie and Lisa engaged into a brutal catfight. Other teens got closer to see what was happening. However, when a girl approached Chris, immediately fell under the charm of the ring and joined the catfight. In a few minutes, practically every girl of every grade of the James Woods was beating the crap of their fellow classmates in what will be remembered as the Biggest and Bloodiest Catfight of Quahog.

"Chris, over here!" shouted Meg, who was hidden with Matt under the bleachers. Chris was luckily enough to avoid his fangirls and reach the bleachers. Then they could escape from the gymnasium. Chris gasped for air. He then pulled out the magic ring from his finger and tossed it away.

"Chris, I'm very sorry" apologized Meg. "I should know that something like this would happen. I…"

"It's not your fault" said Chris. "Although if dad was here he'd probably said that it is, but I know that you only tried to help me" Chris then sighed and looked at the stars. "I guess that I'll never find a girl that will love me for what I am…"

"Oh, don't' say that" said Meg. "I'm sure that someday you'll find a girl that will get on you"

"How are you so sure?" asked Chris.

"Because I though the same before meeting Matt" said Meg as she put her hand on Chris' shoulder. "Trust me, you will"

"We should get back to home" said Matt.

"You two go" said Chris. "I want to be alone for a moment"

"Okay" said Meg. "Come on Matt, let's go".

Matt and Meg got on the station wagon, and headed back to home.

Chris sat on the grass, and began to look at the stars.

"So, you didn't have a date for the dance too?" asked a female voice.

"Huh? Who said that?" asked Chris as he stood up in a jump and looked around him.

"Oops, sorry, I guess I scare you" said a 14 year old asian girl who walked to him. The girl had a pretty long black hair, common asian facial features, and was wearing a white strapless dress.

"Yes, I had…but it didn't go well" said Chris.

"So, you are the boy those girls are fighting over?" asked the girl. Chris nodded in response.

"Who are you? I've never seen you here" said Chris.

"Oh, sorry, I forgot to introduce myself. My name's Zoe. Zoe Takanawa. Nice to meet you. My mom moved me out here from my former school a week ago"

"I'm Chris. Chris Griffin" said Chris. "Why are you here and not inside?"

"I got out when those girls began to fight, ands since I came here without a date and I have no friends in this school, nobody is going to miss me" explained Zoe.

"I'm sorry to hear that" said Chris. "Maybe I could be your friend…if you want…"

"Really?" said Zoe. "That would be cool!"

"Well, I better get back to home…see you at Monday" said Chris.

"Monday?" asked Zoe. "I though that we could hang out at the mall this weekend…as friends…if you want"

"Okay then…" said Chris. "So, see you tomorrow"

"Goodbye, Chris" said Zoe.

Chris went back to home pretty happy. It was a nice dance after all. He also had to admit that Meg was right.

The very next day, the entire family watching TV.

**Cutaway to TV**

"Last night, all the girls of the James Woods High started what will be reminded as the Biggest and Bloodiest Catfight of Quahog. A brutal catfight involving more than a thousand crazed teen girls." Said Tom

"That's right Tom. Our sources stated that they were fighting for some blonde boy with a strong complexion. Here's a possible picture of the boy" said Diane

Then a picture of a strong, tall, handsome and muscular blonde guy that didn't resemble Chris at all appeared on screen.

"All the girls were hospitalized after the huge catfight. Ollie Williams is now in the local hospital. How are the girls, Ollie?" asked Tom.

"GIRLS ARE WOUNDED!" shouted Ollie.

"How much wounded?" asked Diane.

"A LOT!" replied the black man

"Thank you Ollie" said Tom

**End Cutaway**

"God, the Biggest and Bloodiest Catfight of Quahog and I missed it!" sobbed Peter. Lois comforted him whispering supporting words to his ear.

"Well, I guess that I must be less careless when I use magic" said Meg.

"Hey, what happened to that ring?" asked Matt. "Chris tossed it away, but if somebody finds it…"

**Cutaway to TV**

"In other news, local Quahog pervert-rapist-gigolo-sex offender Glenn Quagmire has been hospitalized too" said Tom.

"She was trying to break a record by having sex with more than 100 women at the same time" continued Diane. "However, his body couldn't resist all the action he was getting" said Diane nonchalantly.

"Wow, I heard tat there are some killing loves but…whohooooo" said Tom cheerful.

**End Cutaway**

"Does that answer your question?" asked Brian dryly.

**End Chapter**

A/N: I don't know what has possessed me in order to make me to write more than 6000 words in 3 hours. I guess this is inspiration. Anyway, take this as a way of compensation for the lateness of the last chapter. I hope you like it (this is the first time I make the main plot to revolve around Chris), thanks for reading and don't forget to review.

This is Ander Arias, proud owner of Famiy Guy. See you in the next chapter.

...

What do you say? That I'm not the owner of Family guy? Oh, just wait and see!

(pulls out a shotgun and leaves)


	18. Waterproof Griffins

**Chapter 1****8: Waterproof Griffins**

(Author's note: First of all, I don't want any more flames in the reviews. Everybody has right to express his own opinion about the chapters. Second, sorry for the long wait, but I got blocked while thinking in the last part of the chapter (the last 1800 words), but anyway, here's a new chapter. I hope everybody enjoys it)

It was a seemly day in Quahog. The sunset dyed the sky in crimson, announcing the end of the actual day. Meg, who was six month pregnant, was working in the gardening store as usual, when old lady Helen came to her.

"I'm going to close, Megan" said Helen in her soft voice. "You can go home"

"Do you need me to help you in anything else?" asked Meg.

"You're so sweet…in your state and you still come to work" said Helen with admiration.

"I told you, I need the money" replied Meg.

"But I-" was about to say but she was interrupted by Meg.

"And I don't want you to pay me for pity" continued Meg. "I like to earn my money fairly. Besides, now that Matt has a job, I have nothing to do after school"

"So, your boyfriend finally got a job?" asked Helen with curiosity.

Speaking of Matt, he just entered in the store holding a box.

"Hi everybody!" saluted Matt very effusively. "Four king size pizzas with extra cheese!" shouted.

"Oh, hello, Matthew. We were just talking about you and your new job" commented Helen.

"What a nice coincidence!" said Matthew "Now we can get back at home together"

Meg then gave Helen a rare look.

"Did you order that?" asked Meg a bit confused.

"Yes. I like to have dinner here. My plants are the entire companion I need" said Helen as she took the pizzas from Matt.

"Yes, but four King Size Pizzas?" asked Meg again.

"It's just that…I didn't eat anything in the whole day…yes, that's it" said Helen, which sounded very very unconvinced.

"Okay…well, see you tomorrow!" said Meg as she waved her arm in goodbye, before leaving the store with her husband.

"Remember, you don't have to come to work if you don't feel good, okay?" asked Helen, before closing the door.

"Don't worry" said Meg.

Helen waved her arm in goodbye too as she saw Matt's motorbike to rush down the street. Then, when they were far enough, she took the pizzas and brought it to the basement.

Minutes later, both Meg and Matt arrived at home. The only thing that was passing through Meg's head was sitting on the couch and eating a large cheese cake. She was feeling the pregnancy in its full glory: she had morning sickness, a weird food carving and her belly grew bigger, making her to wear maternity clothes. However, the idea of having a small version of her (or a small version of Matt) soon in her arms made all of that worth of it.

"Matt, honey, please, go to the kitchen get me some cheesecake" asked Meg in a sweet tone.

"I don't think we have cheesecake" replied Matt.

"It's not a big deal. You can buy it at any mart" suggested Meg.

"But it's too late, and I'm not in the mood for look for a 24 hour open mart" replied Matt.

"Come on Matt! I really want a cheesecake!" begged Meg.

"Meg, that's just a craving for food and you know it. And, as I said before, there's no-"

"GET ME THAT F(BEEP!)CKING CHEESECAKE NOW!!" roared Meg as she was foaming, while glaring her husband with hatred eyes.

"My God, Meg, calm down! This is even worse than what happened last night!" said Matt.

**Flashback**

Matt and Meg are placidly sleeping when Stewie sneaks into their room. He was holding a very weird looking microphone. He then shook Matt slowly.

"Matt, I want something" said Stewie, speaking through the microphone. His voice sounded like Meg's

"What do you want now?" asked Matt, drowsy.

"I have a craving for killing that bitch, um, I mean, for killing mom" said Stewie.

"Meg, I've been working a lot today and I want to sleep. I kill her tomorrow, okay?" said Matt sleepy as he turned back to Meg.

"But I want her to be death now!" said Stewie.

"Okaaaay" said Matt before getting up and pulling out a glock-16. Then he walked to Peter and Lois' room. When he opened the door and saw his parents-in-law sleeping, he realized of what was going to do. "Wait a minute…!"

"Damn!" shouted Stewie as he ran back to his room.

**End flashback**

"Meg, instead of making me to travel across the whole town, could you use your spellbook to magically create a cheesecake?" asked Matt.

"Oh, yes! You're right!" said Meg in realization. "Sorry for yelling at you, dear, it's the pregnancy that is driving me crazy." Apologized Meg.

"It's okay, Meg." Said Matt as he smiled at her.

"And now, Matt, my dear husband, BRING ME MY SPELLBOOK BEFORE I KILL SOMEBODY!!" yelled again Meg.

"May I suggest Lois?" said Stewie, who was there playing with his letter blocks.

Matt then rushed upstairs in order to get the book as fast as he could. But before he could walk into his bedroom, he overheard Peter and Lois having a very heated discussion.

"Oh, no! This time I shall not accept any excuses!" shouted Lois.

"Come on Lois! Don't make me go!" complained again Peter.

"Peter, you promised me that you'll come this time!" said Lois.

Matt then went back to the living room with the book.

"Hey, what's going on with Peter and Lois?" asked Matt.

"What do you mean?" asked Meg.

"They're discussing up there about something…" said Matt.

"Oh, it's because tomorrow Peter and Lois are going to the Pewterschmidt Mansion to have lunch with Lois' parents" explained Brian. "Don't worry, you'll get used to it soon" said Brian.

Peter then walked downstairs looking very pissed.

"I don't want any more excuses!" pointed Lois, still from the room. "We're going to have lunch with mom and dad, if you like it or if you don't!"

Peter then sat the couch and turned on TV.

"Stupid Lois" muttered Peter. "To make me go to that stupid lunch with her stupid parents…like if I force her to go to lunch with my mom!" complained.

"Peter, even _you_ cannot stand your mom" pointed Brian dryly.

"Man, I'd wish something would happen so we couldn't go to Lois' parent's place" said Peter.

"Maybe if you have a more important commitment to go like a wedding or a funeral…" suggested Matt.

"Yeah, that's it!" said Peter as he jumped from the couch. "You're a genius, Matt! Meg, come to the kitchen, I'm going to show you that knives Lois bought last week…"

"Peter!" shouted Matt angrily.

"Oh, sorry, I forgot that Meg's pregnant…and I cannot wait until she gives birth so…Brian, could you come to the kitchen so-" was about to say Peter, but he shut up after a cold glare from the dog.

"Peter, accept it" said Brian. "Unless a natural disaster happens, you're going to go to have that lunch" said Brian. "There are some things we just can't change, like Jillian's intelligence. Remember that time she called me saying that there was a house robber in her house?"

**Flashback**

Brian, holding a gun, bursts into Jillian's apartment, which has the lights off. He points everywhere, until he finds Jillian in her nightdress, hidden behind the couch, trembling with fear.

"Brian!" called Jillian.

"Don't worry, I'm here" said Brian, as he cuddled her, trying to make her to feel better. "Where is she?"

"It's in the bathroom" said Jillian as she pointed to the bathroom. "Be careful"

Brian's heart beat each time faster as he walked to the bathroom. He then opened the door with a kick and turned off the lights. The bathroom was empty.

"Jillian, there's nobody here" said the dog.

"Really?" said Jillian and she entered in the bathroom. "AAAHHHH!!IT'S HER!! AND SHE BROUGHT A DOG!!" said as she pointed to the 'intruders'

Brian stared at her blankly. She was pointing to her and Brian's reflection in the mirror.

**End Flashback**

"Hey, that's it!" said Peter, cheerful again. "If something like an earthquake or a hurricane hits Quahog, I won't have to go!"

"And how do you plan to do it?" asked Chris.

Peter then smiled at Meg, who was eating the cheesecake she summoned with the spellbook. Meg then realized that her father was staring at her.

"Oh, no!" said Meg, after wiping the icing of the cake from her mouth. "I know that you're thinking in using the spellbook for change the weather, but I'm not going to let you do it!!"

"What?" asked Peter stupidly. "I was thinking in rent some trucks and build the world largest truck pyramid, but that sounds even better!"

"Really? Then forget about it!" said Meg.

"Come on" begged Peter. "I'll buy you anything!"

"Anything?" asked Meg, really interested.

"What do you want?" asked Peter.

"A car" said Meg. "A good one! I don't want a crappy car from the Used Car Dealership!"

"Deal" said Peter. "Now find a way so I don't have to go to that annoying lunch"

"Wait a minute" said Brian. "Did something like this happen in a previous chapter? I mean, Peter using the spellbook to change the weather but then things went screwed up."

"Everything related to the Fatman goes screwed up, dog" commented Stewie.

Meg began to turn the pages in order to find a proper spell to change the weather.

"Meg, are you sure you want to do this?" asked Matt.

"I'm damn sure! He's going to buy me a car!" said Meg excited. "Okay, I think I found something. A very heavy rain. If roads are flooded cars won't be able to drive through them"

"Well, some water it's not going to hurt anybody" said Peter, satisfied to hear that. "Get that started! God, this is going to be better that being Shawn Michaels' roommate"

**Flashback**

Peter and Shawn Michaels are in a small apartment watching TV when somebody knocked the door. Peter opened the door, and there stood the sleazy salesman.

"Hello, mister!" said the salesman. "Have you ever noticed that each day more people die of falling flowerpots from alconys?"

Peter then tried to close the door, but the salesman just put the foot between the door and the doorframe.

"You seems to be a intelligent man, so I'm sure that you'll buy this falling flowerpot life insurance!" said the salesman. "And I'm not going to leave until you buy it!"

"Peter, who is in the door?" asked Shawn.

"Chris Jericho!" replied Peter.

Shawn then jumped from the couch and quickly kicked the salesman hard in the face, knocking him backwards. However with the knockback he ended falling down the stairs.

"Hey, that wasn't Chris Jericho!" said Shawn when he saw the salesman's bloodied body.

"Oh, it was! He was disguised so he could hit your wife again!" said Peter.

"Really? Oh, okay then" said Shawn, and both returned to watch TV

**End Flashback**

The next morning, Lois was in the kitchen making the breakfast while the rest of the family were sat at the table.

"My god" said Lois. "Look at the rain! It's really pouring! And the TV said that today was going to be sunny!"

"Lois, we should look at the morning news" said Peter in a very suspect tone. "Maybe the roads are impassable and we cannot go to your parent's place"

Peter then turned on the small TV of the kitchen.

"Hello, I'm Tom Tucker. Today we'll have a special report of why every time you turn on the TV they're always airing the program you want to watch." Said Tom Tucker.

"That's right, Tom" continued Diane. "So, if you're watching us that means that you wanted to watch the news the moment you turned on the TV"

"But we go first with a special weather report. It seems that a heavy rain has unleashed over Quahog. All the roads are impassable, so people won't be able to move by car".

Peter began to jump and cheer when he heard this.

"I can't believe this!" said Lois.

"Yes! How could you call this a breakfast!" shouted Stewie before throwing his plate at Lois, but he missed.

Then they continued to watch TV.

"This rain it's going to be so heavy that Quahog will be totally flooded in less than a day" commented Tom.

"Wow, that's a pretty strong rain. I've never seen such a heavy rain in my whole life. It's like somebody used magic or a spellbook to unleash this rain in order to skip a very annoying commitment" said Diane.

"That's right. So, we recommend everybody to pack essential things and go to the hills. Tomorrow at morning, Quahog will be America's Biggest Aquapark" said Tom

Lois turned off the TV and glared at Peter coldly.

"Peter, did you have something to do with THIS!?" asked Lois very angry.

"It wasn't me! Meg did it! It was Meg fault!" said Peter before pointing Meg in a very accusatory way.

"Meg, it's that true?" asked Lois.

"He said that he was going to buy me a car!" said Meg.

"Peter! How were you able to lie your daughter that way!?" asked Lois.

"Wait, what do you mean by 'lie'?" asked Meg.

"People, please, calm down!" asked Brian. "Haven't you heard the news? The whole Quahog will be entirely flooded by tomorrow!"

"Yes, there's no time for chitchat. We must pack the essential and go somewhere else" said Lois.

"But where are we going to go?" asked Chris.

"We can go to my ship" suggested Peter.

"You ship? I though it was wrecked" said Brian.

"Oh, it was, but it has been recently refloated and repaired, so we can stay there" said Peter.

"So, we have the ship just when a storm arrives? That's a bit far-fetched" commented Brian.

"Well, at least isn't as senseless as having a son older than you" replied back Peter.

"Touché" said Brian.

"I'm going to my parent's place, to tell them about this" said Matt. "I want them to come with us to the ship"

"Yeah, I'm going to Jillian's apartment too" said Brian.

Then both Matt and Brian got into their respective vehicles and drove away.

Hours later, the entire family, except Matt and Brian are in the docks stuffing their baggage on the 'S.S. More Powerful than Superman, Batman, Spiderman and the Incredible Hulk Put Together', and due to the extremely long and sickly name, I'll refer to her* as 'Peter's ship' or simply 'the ship'.

(*A/N: Maybe I am wrong, but I heard that in English, ships are referred as females)

While they were loading their stuff, they saw how water was slowly flooding Quahog's streets and roads. Suddenly, a car arrived at the dock. Form it came out Matt, his parents and his sister.

"Quickly, Lana, bring Sophie inside! Matthew and me will load the suitcases" said Bruce.

Mrs. Lockhart picked up Sophie and ran inside the ship.

Peter and Lois were also loading their suitcases.

"Peter, what the hell are you carrying here?" asked Lois, as she was trying to bring a case inside. "This suitcase weighs a ton!"

"Essential things for surviving, just like you said" said Peter.

Lois then dropped the suitcase, and it opened revealing lots of porn magazines.

Another car arrived at the dock. It was Brian's car. Brian, Jillian and Natalie came out from it, carrying their package.

"Natalie!" shouted Meg in joy as she ran and hugged her friend.

"Can you believe it? I finally got rid of my psycho dad, have a job and a permanent place to stay, and now Quahog it's going to flood!" said the girl as she and Meg laughed. "My God Meg, you got really big!" said Natalie after looking at Meg's belly.

"I'm six months pregnant, what do you expect?" said Meg. "Anyway, you should better get inside. My family almost finished loading our baggage"

"Peter, do you think that this ship will be big enough for 12 people? It looks kinda small" commented Bruce.

"Don't worry, this ship looks small, but take a sight inside. You'll be surprised" said Peter.

Bruce then goes inside the ship and sees a huge room with a lot of chairs, couches, sofas tables, a super panoramic TV and other furniture. He also sees that Stewie and Sophie are playing inside a large balloon castle.

Half an hour later, all the stuff is loaded at the ship and everybody is inside. Peter then shuts the door. The family gathered together and began to think what they could do for survive.

For a whole month, the Griffins, the Kennedys, Jillian and Natalie have been living in the ship, wandering through the flooded Quahog, in a vane attempt to find a better place to live, but with no success. A lot of people built a new house (crappy wood and straw huts), some in the nearby hills and others over the roof of the tallest buildings of the town, but the ship was even a better place to stay. Peter, Lois and Matt are now fishing.

"Man, this sucks" complained Peter. "We've been two days without eating anything…and I'm starving…"

"Well, that should teach you not to mess with magic in order to avoid a simple lunch with my parents" said Lois. "Oh, who I'm trying to kid? That's not going to happen"

"Lois, I'm hungry! Why can't I pick some of the food from the warehouse?" asked Peter.

"Peter, I told you a thousand times! We must ration our food, so it last as long as possible. Besides, most of the food is for Stewie, Sophie, and Meg! They need it more than us!" explained Lois.

"Whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa, I can understand that we are saving food for the kids, but, Meg? MEG!? I'm starving here for Meg?" asked Peter in disconcert.

"Peter, she's pregnant!" replied Matt with nuisance. "If she doesn't eat properly, there's a risk that her baby could be born sick or even lose it!"

Suddenly, Lois' rod began to push.

"Something bit!" exclaimed Lois excited, as she began to unroll the rod. "Oh my god, it weighs a lot!"

Peter and Matt quickly helped Lois to carry out whatever she just fished. They pulled with excitement until they saw in disappointment what it was.

"The complete seasons of Sex in the City?" asked Peter. "Oh, come on!" said as he tossed the box back into the water.

(No offense to anybody who actually likes this show)

"Wait, I saw something!" shouted Matt.

"What? Where?" asked Lois as she began to nervously look around the ship.

"I saw a fish tail!" said Matt "A big one!"

Peter quickly grabbed the harpoon shooter, and began to look around.

"There it is!" said Matt, pointing at a big green fish tail.

"I can see it too!" said Lois. "Peter, quickly, shoot it!"

Peter shot at the fish, and luckily hit it. The fish's dead corpse floated surrounded in its own blood. But it wasn't a fish at all. It was a red haired mermaid.

"Mom! Mom!" shouted Melody, holding Ariel's lifeless body. Then she turned on Peter. "You fat bastard! You killed my mom!!"

"Whoops! Let's get out of here!" said Peter, as he rushed the boat away from the two mermaids.

"My god, this is the worst issue with Disney we ever had!" said Peter, who was gasping for air due to the shock.

"Yeah, even worse than that time you talked with Donald about rat poison" said Lois.

**Flashback**

Donald and Mickey are having a conversation.

"Do you want to talk with me, Donald?" asked Mickey.

"Yes" said Donald evilly. "But, before talk, would you like to eat some cheese?" asked Donald as he handed Mickey a cheese with a very suspect look

"Donald, I hope you're not still angry for being me and not you the most popular character from the Disney factory. My friendship with you is very important, and I don't want you to be mad at me for that" said Mickey as he ate the cheese.

"Oh, don't worry, that won't be a problem anymore" replied Donald

**End Flashback**

Meanwhile, inside the ship, the rest of the people are gathered around Meg, which is now 7 months pregnant. Natalie has his head resting on Meg's belly.

"Have you felt it?" asked Meg.

"Yes, it was a little kick!" said Natalie, excited.

"And how is to be a pregnant teenager, Meg?" asked Lana.

"It's pretty much the same, except for the morning sickness, aching parts of my body among other bothering symptoms. But I'm craving for holding the baby in my arms and giving him or her all the love people didn't give me in my whole life" commented Meg.

"I'd like to have a baby too" said Jillian. "But Brian says that is dangerous. What harm can a baby do?" asked Jillian.

"Jillian, I think that is dangerous for _the baby_, not for you" said Lana dryly.

Suddenly, the ship shook violently.

"What was that?" said Meg in fear.

"I don't know, but we should go to the deck to see" suggested Natalie. "Chris, you stay here and take care of Meg and the babies"

"Hey, but what if a sea monster is hitting the ship? I wouldn't want to miss it!" complained Chris.

"Chris, do you really think that a sea monster is hitting the ship?" asked Meg.

"A sea monster is attacking the ship!? WE'RE GOING TO DIE!!" shouted Chris before running to the cabins.

Everybody then rushes to the deck. They saw Peter holding the rudder, with Lois and Matt at his side.

"Hey, what's happening?" asked Brian.

"It's not my intention to alarm everybody, but we're being hit by waves of the size of the Statue of Liberty" said Peter.

"What?" asked Lana.

"I SAID THAT WE'RE BEING HIT BY GIANT WAVES!!" shouted Peter at Mrs. Lockhart's ear.

"Cut it off! I'm not deaf!" replied the blonde woman.

"People, you should look there" said Bruce as he pointed to a very large wave.

"Oh, crap! Everybody, hold on tight!" shouted Matt.

Everybody got ready for the giant wave, which hit the ship with all the strength of the seas. Miraculously, the ship resisted the impact.

"We're alive!" shouted Lois cheerful. "We survived!"

"It's everybody okay?" asked Bruce.

"Yes" replied Matt, Peter, Lois, Mrs. Lockhart, Natalie and Brian.

"No!" said Jillian

"Hey, who said that?" asked Peter.

"Over here!" shouted Jillian again.

"Jillian, where are you?" asked Brian, as he was looking around, trying to get hold of her.

"Oh my god!" shouted Lois. "Jillian just fell to the water!"

"Please, help!" shouted Jillian.

"Jillian, try to drink all the water, that way you won't drown!" suggested Peter.

"Hey, good idea!" said Jillian, before starting to drink the sea water. "Peter, this water has a very bad taste!"

"Peter, we must do something!" begged Brian. "Jillian can't swim yet! She needs two lessons more" said Brian.

"Okay, save her, Brian!" said Peter before tossing the dog into the sea.

"Peter, what was that for?" asked Lois angrily.

"Hey, it's HIS girlfriend, and HIS responsibility to save her!" replied Peter.

Lois glared coldly at him. However, Brian could hold Jillian and prevent her from drowning.

"Brian, hold on! I'm going to throw you a rubber ring!" said Lois, as she began to untie one of the rubber rings of the deck. Unluckily, another wave hit the ship, and Lois fell to the water too.

"Lois!" shouted Peter.

"Peter, help me!" begged Lois.

"Don't worry, I know exactly what to do!" said Peter before…tossing Matt into the sea.

"Peter, what was that for!?" asked Bruce angrily.

"It's HIS mother-in-law and HIS responsibility" replied Peter again.

"The current is dragging us!" shouted Matt in panic.

"Peter, for God's sake HELP US!" said Lois, totally out of control.

Another wave hit the ship again, and dragged Lois, Brian, Matt and Jillian far away from the ship, until their occupants lost them on sight.

The next morning, everybody is on the deck, looking at the sea, in a vane attempt to find their missing familiars. Meg was crying uncontrollably. Natalie then walks up to her.

"Meg, I'm sure that your mom and Matt are okay" said Natalie as she placed her palm on Meg's shoulder.

"I hope you're right, Nat" replied Meg, as she wiped tears from her eyes.

"If only we had some kind of compass that could guide us to them…" said Natalie.

Suddenly, Meg got an idea.

"Hey, that's it!" said Meg, now upbeat. "I can use the spellbook to see where are they!" said Meg as she rushed inside the ship.

Meanwhile, somewhere in the sea, Lois opened her eyes. The first thing that she saw were Brian's lips coming closer to her face, until his lips pressed against hers. Remembering the Martha's Vineyard incident, Lois quickly punched the dog hard. Matt and Jillian were also there.

"Aw!" complained Brian before rubbing his nose.

"Brian! What the hell is wrong with you?!" shouted Lois angrily.

"Lois, calm down!" said Matt. "Brian was giving you the kiss of life! You swallowed a lot of sea water" explained Matt.

"Oh…sorry Brian" apologized Lois, a bit ashamed. Then she looked around. "Where are we?"

"This seems to be an abandoned oil rig" explained Matt.

"Did the current drag us here?" asked again Lois, as she stood up and looked around.

"No, Brian saw this place" explained Jillian. "It was luck"

"The sun is setting" said Brian, who was watching at the horizon. "We should get inside"

Everybody agreed with the dog and walked in the old oil rig. It seemed that it was abandoned years ago, because there were lots of leaks, puddles and a lot of pieces and machines were rusty.

"My god, this place is depressing!" commented Matt.

"Well, at least is better than being lost in the sea" replied the dog. "Now we only need to find some food"

"Brian, can you smell anything?" asked Lois.

"No. Nothing but rust and rats" said Brian after sniffing the air. "Wait, I smell something…" said the dog again.

"What is it?" asked Jillian.

"I don't know, but it smells fine!" said the dog, and rushed to the source of the smell. Everybody followed him. Brian leaded them to find two old and dust-covered vending machines.

"There it is!" pointed the dog.

"Whoa, look how many greasy snacks are there!" said Matt.

"Brian, you're the best! I love you!" said Lois.

"Really?" asked the dog.

"As a friend" specified Lois.

Matt then broke the two machines with an iron pipe and everybody began to wolf down all the snacks.

"Hey, wait a moment" said Matt. "Should we keep some of this food for the rest? I mean, when they come to rescue us. The ship didn't have many food"

Everybody then stopped eating and stared at Matt. Then everybody (including Matt) burst in laughs, as they continued to devour their meal.

"Thanks, dude, I really needed that" laughed Brian as he wiped tears form his eyes.

They continued eating like there's no tomorrow until they heard some strange noise.

"Hey, what was that?" asked Jillian.

Then another noise was heard, but this time seemed to be a roar.

"I heard it too!" said Lois.

"I saw something moving there!" shouted Matt.

"Matt, if that was a joke, it was pretty disgusting!" said Lois, also in fear.

"The boy ain't lyin'" said a creepy voice.

"AAAHHH!!" shouted everybody as they clutched together. Then Seamus the sailor came from the shadows.

"Hey, don't shout like that, you're going to attract it!" said Seamus.

"It?" asked Brian

"The clown of that Stephen King novel?" asked Matt.

"No, no that 'it', another 'it'!" growled Seamus. "The demon from the depths, the butcher of the seas, a being so horrible and cruel that could make a great white to pee its pants…if sharks would wear pants…"

"What the hell are you talking about?" asked Lois.

"The Nekark!" said Seamus as the camera zoomed his face and evil music is played.

"The what?" Asked Jillian.

"The Nekark! Did you know what happened to the workers of this oil rig?" asked Seamus.

"Let me guess, they were devoured by the 'Nekark', right?" said Brian, sceptical.

"Yes, and saying that you ruined my tale!" complained Seamus. "Anyway, I'll told ya. This rig was opened 30 years ago, and, since its inauguration, the workers began to disappear without a trace every day…some they said that the Nekark killed them…others that they refused to work by such a low salary…and, after those disappearances, the US army sent a special team to investigate…but they never went back" said Seamus. "The Nekark is still here…I can feel his evil presence…you must LEAVE this place before it's too late!"

"Wait, if this place is so dangerous, what the hell are YOU doing here?" asked Matt.

"Convenient plot device" said Seamus. "If somebody is watching us, there must be somebody here to warn people who come to this place, you for instance, about the dangers of this place and talk them about the Nekark" explained Seamus.

"Well, I don't think that that creep may exist." Said Brian. "And, if that thing exists, we have no other place to go. We are in the middle of the sea, and Quahog is totally flooded." Said Brian. But suddenly, a black tentacle grabbed him by the ankle and pulled him away. "HEEELP!!" shouted the desperate dog.

Lois and Matt quickly grabbed two steel pipes and began to hit the tentacle several times, until Brian was finally released. The dog then hided behind Lois and Matt and began to gasp nervously.

"What the f(beep!)ck was that?" asked Brian, still in shock.

"I told ya! The Nekark!" said Seamus.

Another large black tentacle appeared, and this time grabbed Lois by her waist. Lois screamed as she was being pulled by the tentacle. Fortunately, Brian and Matt could grab Lois by her hands, preventing her from being pulled. The Nekark then decided to show up.

"Oh my god!" screamed Jillian. "That big bad squidward is going to eat Lois!"

And yes, Jillian was right about one thing: the Nekark resembled Squidward, but this one was a lot bigger (maybe 10 foot tall) , was pitch black, had five red glowing eyes and had a circular jaw full of teeth, covered by smaller tentacles. It was like a twisted and dire hybrid between Squidward and Davy Jones. The Nekark roared as he was trying to hold his prey, while Matt and Brian pulled Lois.

"Jillian, help us!" begged Brian.

"We can't hold her any longer!" said Matt.

"Please, please, please DON'T LET ME GO!!" cryed Lois at the top of her lungs.

"But, what can I do?" said Jillian. She then began to look around, thinking in something useful as hard as a dumb blonde like her could think. She then looked to a wall, and noticed a tube. Suddenly, Jillian felt a new sensation inside her for first time in her whole life. "Hey, I think I got an idea!" said Jillian proudly.

"REALLY?" asked Matt, Lois and Brian in unison as they stared at her in confusion.

Jillian rushed to the Nekark, and passed it swiftly. She then ran towards a big crank, and began to turn it. A jet gas was shot towards the Nekark, but it wasn't affecting him at all. Surprisingly, Jillian's plan wasn't complete.

"Oogy, hand me your lighter!" shouted Jillian.

Brian obeyed and, still grabbing Lois, he tossed his lighter to Jillian. The blonde girl lighted it in front of the gas jet, and as result, a huge flame was shot at the monster, which roared in pain. However, the initial combustion also knocked back Jillian. Fortunately, the sea beast was damaged enough and was forced to release Lois

Brian then suddenly rushed towards Jillian, and held her body.

"Jilian? Jillian!!" shouted the dog, fearing the worst.

But Jillian opened her eyes.

"Oogy…?What happened…?" said in a weak voice.

"Jillian you saved us!" said Brian as he hugged her with all his strength.

"I bumped my head…I think I have brain damage…" said Jillian as she rubbed her back of the head.

"Oh, don't worry, you can't damage what is not there" said Lois dryly.

"What?" asked Jillian.

"What?" asked Los.

"We should get out of here before that creep hunt us down again!" suggested Matt.

Meanwhile, back at the ship, following Meg's indications, they've reached the old abandonated oil rig.

"So, Brian and the other are there?" asked Peter.

Meg then nodded in response.

"So, how did you know that they are there?" asked Bruce.

"Oh, that's easy, because Meg has a spell-" was about to say Peter, but he was quickly interrupted by Meg.

"Because Brian has a chip in his collar and I tracked its position with my laptop" said Meg quickly.

"Well, we should go there and search them. We will need some flashlights. Anybody has flashlights?" asked Peter.

"I do" said Mrs. Lockhart as he pulled out some flashlights from her large rack.

"Okay, Bruce and Chris, come with me. The rest stay here and take care of the kids" commanded Peter. "Let's go!"

The three guys interned in the rig, and lighted their flashlights.

"Whoa, this smells like Granma Thelma's house" commented Chris.

"Well, they could be anywhere, so we must split for cover more distance" said Bruce. "It may take us hours for us to…"

"I think I found them!" said Chris as he pointed his flashlight forward. All could see Lois, Brian, Matt, Jillian and Seamus running and screaming towards them.

"Lois! Brian!" shouted Peter in joy.

"Matt!" shouted Bruce.

"Quickly, there's no time for chitchat!" shouted Lois. "Let's get out of here before he eats all of us?"

"Eat? Who?" asked Chris in confusion. "What are you talking about, mom?"

"I think tha she's referring to that" said Peter as he pointed to the Nekark, who was about to get them. "EVERYBODY, RUN AS THERE'S NO TOMORROW!"

The family then rushed towards the ship, chased by the Nekark. However, they were able to get inside and leave the oil rig forever.

On board, everybody greeted the missing ones with joy.

"Oh, Matt, I missed you so much!" said Meg as she hugged him. "I even though that my baby will grow without a father".

"Don't worry, honey. I'll always be here for you and our kid" whispered Matt to Meg's ear.

"Well, it seems that we're safe from that thing" said Brian.

"I don't think so" replied Seamus. "The Nekark is a cunning and evil sea demon that has never given up on a prey. Oh, look, there it is" said Seamus nonchalantly, as everybody saw how the Nekark was trying to get inside the ship.

"DAD!" shouted Meg.

"Okay, okay!" said Peter as he grabbed a plank and smashed it several times against the Nekark's head, until the monster finally gave up. "Well, NOW we're safe from that thing"

"Yes, but, for how long?" asked Seamus in an enigmatic way. "How long ill the Nekark hidden in the depths of the sea? How much time has to pass until-?"

"Wait, wait" said Matt. "I noticed that you were all the time with us, but you did not helped us in any moment. Care to explain why?" asked Matt, as he and everybody looked at Seamus with anger.

"Uh…well…ehm…look, a three-headed monkey!" shouted Seamus.

"AAAAHHH!" shouted Chris as he ran away.

Everybody then looked backwards, and in that moment, Seamus sneaked inside the ship.

"Lois, I don't see the monkey. Do you?" asked Peter idiotically.

"No, I don't either" said Lois.

**End Chapter**


	19. Blossom of a Rose

**Chapter 1****9: Blossom of a Rose**

Two months later, Quahog was finally unflooded. Soon everybody returned to their now restored and repaired houses and continued with their normal life. The Griffins and the Kennedys also did it. Meg, which is now 9 months pregnant, and is due to have the baby any time now. She was watching TV with her whole family as usual. Except that Brian is wearing LOTS of Democrat publicity. Yeah, they're watching the election.

"And it's now official, Barack Obama will be the new World Heavyweight Champion" announced Tom. Diane then stared at him blankly. He then heard something through his earpiece "Sorry, I just read the boxing results. I was about to say that Barack Obama will be the new President of the United States, and the first black president in the American history."

"And now we go to Ollie Williams with his thoughts about this event. Ollie?" asked Diane.

"BLACK PEOPLE RULZ!" shouted Ollie quickly as always.

"Thank you Ollie" said Diane.

"Yes!!" shouted Brian as he jumped from the couch and began to bounce up and down frenetically. "YESS!! GOODBYE REPUBLICANS!!"

"Brian, we all know that you hate republicans, but you're taking this too seriously" said Lois.

"YEEEEEHHAAAAAA!" shouted the dog as he pulled out two revolvers and began to shoot at the air, Rich Texan style.

"Oh, you stupid dog, can you stop from doing that?" asked Stewie, pissed. "Then people will complain about us plagiarizing The Simpsons"

"Come on, let the dog to celebrate. Hopefully, now that democrats won, we don't have to put up with his whining about republicans" said Peter. "And about plagiarizing the Simpsons, that's totally false. We're a completely original show. Well, I'm going to the Moe's bar"

"To where?" asked Lois.

"I said that I'm going to the Clam" corrected Peter, as he left the house.

Lois then turned off TV and turned on Meg.

"So, the big day is near" commented Lois.

"I know" said Meg. "I'm carving for being a mom"

"Yeah, me too" said Matt. "Except changing 'mom' for 'dad'"

"Have you ever decided the baby's name?" asked Chris.

"No" said Meg. "With the entire flood thing, we didn't though about that. But we will."

"Yes, hopefully we will agree in a proper name before he or she is born" added Matt.

"Fine, soon another baby will be here, stealing our space" said Stewie with disgust. "This is going to suck more than playing hide-and-seek with John Cena"

**Flashback**

Stewie is in a park playing hide and seek. He's counting down.

"…nine and ten! Ready or not, here I come!" said Stewie as he ran to the park.

"You can't see me! You can't see me!" repeated Cena (who was standing in the open) several times while waving his hand in front of his face.

**End Flashback**

Some hours later, at night, the Griffins are…watching TV. It seems that they don't know to do other things.

"Well, I'm going to get ready the dinner" said Lois as she left the living room and walked to the kitchen.

"It was about time! I'm starving!" complained Meg.

Suddenly, the lights went off.

"Hey, what the hell?" asked Peter.

"God, I hope that this doesn't lead to another Star Wars butchering" said Brian dryly.

But, fortunately for Brian, the lights came again quickly. Minutes later, everybody was in the kitchen having dinner, specifically spaghetti with tomatoes. Everybody was watching how Meg was eating as there's no tomorrow. She finished her dinner in no time.

"It was delicious, mom!" praised Meg. "I want more, please!"

"Okay" said Lois before serving her daughter another plate of spaghettis, but Meg wolfed it down in no time.

"It was superb!" praised again Meg. "More, please!"

"Meg, are you okay?" asked Matt, a bit worried. "You're eating too much tonight"

"I'm fine" said Meg. "Maybe the pregnancy is making me hungry. Nothing to worry about, but thanks for caring for me, honey" said Meg very sweetly. "More, please"

Lois served Meg another plate of spaghettis, this time a big one, so she could satisfy her hunger.

"What a disgusting image" said Stewie with repulse, as he was watching how her sister was practically devouring her dinner. "My god, it's like watching a hobo that hasn't eaten anything in a whole week. It's even worse than that time I saw her and that brat in the bathroom"

**Flashback**

Stewie walks into the bathroom, but he stops when he hears the voices of Matt and Meg.

"So, do you like it?" asked Matt in a very seductively tone.

"Oh, yes…I really needed that" groaned Meg in a much pleasured, almost orgasmic tone.

"What the deuce is going on there?" asked Stewie as he walked inside to watch…Meg taking a bath and Matt, sat in the edge of the bathtub rubbing Meg's back with a sponge.

"See? My mother also took a lot of baths with these bath salts when she was pregnant with Sophie" said Matt.

"Yes, it so relaxing…Oh, hi Stewie" said Meg as she smiled to her little brother.

"Stewie, come here!" said Matt. "Pick a sponge and help me to wash your sister".

Stewie's left eye began to twitch.

"D-do I have to?"

**End Flashback**

Meg quickly finished her plate. She even licked it.

"It was fabulous! More!" said Meg.

"Meg, I'm sorry, but that was the last" said Lois.

"Oh, don't worry. I'll see what we have in the fridge" said Meg as she walked to the fridge.

"Meg, I think that you have eaten too much tonight" said Matt.

"Yeah, then you'll complain about people calling you fat" said Peter.

"Sorry, but I can't help it!" said Meg.

"Come on Meg, just calm down. You just can't eat that much. That can't be healthy" said Brian.

Meg thought about it for a moment.

"Okay" said Meg as she deeply took breath. "Yes, I guess you're right, I can't eat that much, but, what can I do? It's like I'm NEVER full!"

"Try to get distracted" said Lois. "That's the best way of forgetting about eating."

"Yes. Let's watch some TV" suggested Peter. (Whoa, who could expect that?) Everybody then walked to the living room and Peter turned on the TV.

"Joe told me that there's a new cop series, and he's going to star as an extra in the first episode. Let's watch it!" said Peter.

They turned on the TV and began to watch the new cop series.

"I heard about this series" said Brian. "They said that it contained subliminal messages encouraging people to smoke"

"Bah, I'm sure that's not true" said Lois. "Well, let's see if we can spot Joe"

**Cutaway to the series**

The series was about two cops that were investigating, at least in that episode, some relations between the local mafia and a corrupt cop.

"So, the drugs simply disappeared?" asked the first cop, a tall brunette man with rough features and a moustache.

"Yes" replied the other one, a younger cop with short blonde hair. "It was in the depot last night and today it's missing! Now we don't have any proof to send Garrick to jail"

Then the series cut to that fat guy named Jerry who appeared in 'Mr. Griffin goes to Washington'.

"Smoke" said in his monotone yet imperative tone.

Then the series came back to the plot.

"There's no doubt about it" said the older cop. "There's somebody who's aiding that pig"

Meanwhile, Joe wheeled through a hallway in the background

Other cutaway to Jerry.

"Smoke"

Back to the series…

"Yes, but who?" asked the blonde cop.

"I'm sure that it's Jenkins. I've never trusted in that guy" said the first cop.

Back to Jerry.

"Are you smokin' yet?"

**End Cutaway**

"Okay, that's enough" said Meg. "I need to eat something".

"No, Meg, resist!" said Lois.

"We should watch something humorous" said Peter. "Like my set up videos"

**Flashback**

"Hey, Brian, look at this" whispered Peter with malice.

Meg was walking through the hall when Peter shoves her down the stairs. She fell to the floor unconscious, with several bones broken, and she has lost the baby for sure. Peter laughed at this. The camera then zoomed out to reveal that Peter and Brian were watching this in a computer.

"So, what do you think of this 3-D rendered simulation of me shoving Meg down the stairs?" asked Peter.

"Although it's disgusting, I must say that it's masterly done" said Brian.

Peter then turned to the camera.

"What did you think? That I shoved a 9 month pregnant girl down the stairs for _real_? I may not be a model dad towards Meg but even _I _have my limits!"

**End Flashback**

"I know!" said Matt. "Let's go to our room and make love until we fall asleep"

"Sorry, honey, but I'm not in the mood" said Meg. "Besides, doctors usually say that pregnant women shouldn't have sex due the fact that it may be dangerous for the baby"

"Yeah, if doctors say it…" complained Matt as he rolled his eyes. "Well, let's go to bed and try to sleep a bit instead." Suggested Matt.

"Okay…" said Meg, but suddenly she felt a sharp pain in her…pelvic region. "OH MY GOD!"

"What?" asked Peter.

"My water broke!" shouted Meg. "I'm going into labour"

"Quickly, Peter, bring Meg to the car! We must take her to the hospital!" said Lois nervously.

"Uh…the car…well, you're going to laugh, but I have a light accident and…well, let's say that the car won't run for a while". Said Peter.

"Don't worry, I can take her in my car" said Brian. "Come on Meg!"

"Yeah…your car…well…let's say that I have the light accident against your car" said Peter.

"What?!" asked Brian in shock before rushing outside and see his wrecked car. "MY CAR!!"

"Oh, geez, what are we going to do?" asked Matt. "My motorbike isn't safe for a pregnant girl and we need medical assistance!" said Matt.

"Hehehehehehehe…you said ass" chuckled Peter.

"There's no time for stupid stuff!" shouted Lois. "We need to help Meg to give birth! Chris, search in the internet something about this!" commanded Lois.

"Meg, keep breathing!" said Matt as he held his wife's hand.

"Matt, I-AAAHHHHH!" screamed Meg.

"Come on meg, push, PUSH!" said Lois

An hour later, Meg finally gave birth successfully. Lois then wrapped the baby in a blanket and held him to his mother.

"Congratulations Meg, it's a boy!" said Lois.

"Oh, let me see him!" said Meg with pure joy.

Meg quickly held the baby and looked at him. But when she saw him, she froze in shock.

"You suck Meg!" said the baby, who looked like a baby version of Peter.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!" screamed Meg. She then woke up gasping and covered in her own sweat. "My God…it was only a nightmare"

"Meg, what's going on?" asked Matt. But when Matt turned to Meg, she saw that it wasn't Matt. She was sleeping with Neil Goldman.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!" screamed Meg. She then woke up gasping and covered in her own sweat. She then looked at the man who was sleeping at her side, and sighed in relief when she saw that was Matt, her husband. This time was really awake. She also felt that her stomach was empty, and went downstairs, to the kitchen.

Matt woke up, and turned to Meg to see that she wasn't there anymore. He then looked at his digital watch. It marked almost 6 AM.

"_Meg, what the hell are you doing at this hour?"_ asked Matt to himself, but the answer was painfully obvious.

Matt got up and walked downstairs to the kitchen. There was Meg, who had just emptied and devoured the fridge's content.

"Meg…" moaned Matt.

"I know…but I can't help it! I'm hungry!" said before eating a cherry marmalade sandwich.

"Hey, what's happening here?" asked Lois as she, Peter, and the rest of the family walked into the kitchen.

"Oh, Meg, look what you've done!!" said Peter after he saw all the empty food jars and tappers. "Thanks to your insatiable stomach, tomorrow we have to turn to cannibalism in order to eat. I guess that we should start with Chris".

"Hey, eat Brian first!" said Chris. "He's a dog, thus he hasn't feelings"

Brian then slapped Chris hard in the back of his head.

"Meg, you must control yourself." Said Lois.

"Shut up! I need more food. I need more energy…my baby _needs_ more energy!" shouted Meg. Then she spotted a socket. Then she placed her palm near the socket, and electricity began to hit her hand. The lights then began to fade.

"Meg, what the hell are you doing?" asked Matt.

"It seems that she's…draining the house's electricity supply…but how?" said Brian in confusion.

"There's not enough ENERGY!!" shouted Meg. Then she looked outside through the window. A storm was approaching.

"Meg, where are you going?" asked Matt.

"I told you. I need more energy, and I found where I can get it!" said Meg pointing to the black clouds.

"Meg I'm not going to let you-" was about to say Matt as he gabbed Meg's arm, but he received a huge electric bolt.

"Matt!" shouted everybody.

"I'm…okay" said Matt, who's body was smoking. "Please…don't let Meg to do any stupid thing" pleaded Matt

Meg then exited the house through the back door, and began to climb it.

"Meg, get down please! You're going to get hurt!" demanded Lois.

"Fifty bucks that she fell to the ground!" said Stewie, but nobody paid attention to his out of place joke.

But Meg was able to reach the roof successfully.

"Peter, get a ladder! We must make her to get of the roof!" said Lois, as she watched how her daughter opened her arms, forming a human cross. Then she realized in horror that she was trying to be hit by a lightning.

Minutes later, the entire family is on the roof, trying to convince Meg to get down.

"Meg, please…please, get down" begged Matt.

"Oh, I will" said Meg. "When I gain all the energy I need"

A thunder then clapped.

"Meg, please, this is dangerous!" said Lois.

"Can you feel it? It's almost here!" said Meg with excitement.

"This is going to be awesome!" said Stewie who was recording all with a camera. 2Meg, try to hold something metallic, then your chances to get stricken by a lightning will be higher!"

"Good idea!" said Meg as she grabbed some scrap from the roof.

"Stewie, no!" said Lois.

"Meg, I'm going to make you get down. This is too dangerous" said Matt before approaching to his wife, and extending his arm to grab her.

"Matthew, honey, I don't recommend you to do that" said Meg.

"Oh, no? And why?" said Matt.

"Because of THIS!" said Meg, before being suddenly hit by a powerful lighting. The lightning's shockwave knocked backwards everybody, and its flash was so intense that everybody was blinded for a moment.

"MEG!! MEG!!" shouted Matt in desperation.

"Meg! My poor baby girl!" cried Lois.

But, when everybody recovered they eyesight, they saw in amazement that Meg was still there, surprisingly totally unharmed.

"What the deuce?" said Stewie, frustrated. "Oh, man, I was going to call dibs on her room! Well, at least I have a video of a person being hit by a lightning."

Mat stood up and walked slowly towards Meg.

"Good Lord…it's a miracle!" shouted Lois.

"Meg…are you okay?" asked Matt.

"I'm fine" replied Meg, who has still some leftover electricity running through her body. "Now I have all the energy I need"

"Meg…why just we…get back to the floor?" asked Matt, scared of how could Meg reply.

"Sure" said Meg and everybody sighed in relief. "It's almost time"

"Almost time?" asked Brian, a bit confused. "Almost time for what?"

But before she could answer that, she suddenly fainted and fell to the ground.

"NO!" shouted Matt.

But, fortunately, Spiderman arrived and shot a web under Meg, braking her falling.

"Everybody gets one!" said Spiderman before leaving.

"Thanks, Spiderman!" said Peter.

Moments later, everybody is back at home. Meg is still unconscious, lying on the couch, covered by a blanket.

"We need to call an ambulance" suggested Brian.

"I don't think that's a good idea" said Matt.

"Why not?" asked Lois.

"Because, what are we going to tell them? That a lightning just hit Meg, but she's totally unharmed?"

"Yes, you have a point in that" said Lois. "But what can we do?" asked Lois.

"I guess that we can only wait…and hope that the worse won't happen" said Brian.

Then somebody knocked the door. Peter went to open and he saw that it was Death.

"Oh, hi, Death" said Peter. "What are you doing here?"

"Death!?" asked Lois in horror.

"No! You can't take Meg away from us!" Begged Matt.

"What…? No! I didn't come here to kill anybody" said Death, and everybody (except Peter and Stewie) gasped in relief. "Well, I actually did, but is nobody of this family. I came here a bit early and when I passed in front of your house, I said to myself 'let's pay the Griffins a visit'." Death then noticed Meg in the couch. "Did I come in a bad moment? What happened to her?"

"She was hit by a lightning" explained Peter.

"Whoa! And she's still alive? I wish I could watch it!" said Death in amazement.

"Oh, I recorded it. If you want to watch it…" commented Stewie.

"Sure!"

Suddenly, the room was filled with a bright flash of silver light. From the light appeared somebody. It was an attractive woman, with long blonde hair and an angelic face, who wore a white silk dress, silver jewellery and a headband made of flowers.

"Man…is everybody watching that or am I high?" asked Brian, atonished.

"No, I can see her too" said Peter. "Just in front of the pink elephant" said Peter, and everybody looked at him like he's crazy…or high.

"Hello everybody" said the woman in a suave and heavenly voice. "I came here to…" was about to say before noticing Death. "Wait, what are YOU doing here!?"

"Hey, calm down, it's nothing to do with job" said Death.

"Sure. We both know that you love to do overtime" said the woman sarcastically.

"The Griffins are long known friends, and I just paid them a visit, that's all!" replied Death.

"Um, excuse me for spoil you nice conversation at all, but…what the hell is going on and who's this girl?" asked Matt.

"Oh, sorry, I forgot to introduce myself. Name's Life" said the woman.

"And she's my roommate" said Death.

"So, you don't live with your mom anymore?" asked Peter.

"What?" chuckled Lois. "You're the Death and you lived with your MOM? How pathetic!" said Lois before she, Brian, Chris and Matt burst in laughs.

"You have to told them, haven't you?" asked Death really pissed.

"Anyway, why did you came here, Life?" asked Matt.

"It isn't obvious? As Death takes the souls from the dying ones, I bring souls to the newborn babies. And I came here to bring Meg's baby to this world" explained Life.

"It's a relief to hear that" said Lois.

Death then watched at his watch.

"3…2…1…" said as a countdown.

"OH MY GOD!" shouted Quagmire from his house. "I KILLED HER! I KILLED HER!WHAT I'M GOING TO DO!?" said Quagmire. "Well, the answer is obvious, giggity giggity!" said Quagmire happily. A faint rhythmic squeaking could be heard coming from his bed.

"So, that's why you were around here" deduced Chris.

"Well, I must get back to work. Life, see you at home. Brian, see you next week" said Death.

"WHAT!?" shouted the dog, terrified.

"Haha! I can believe that everybody always falls for that!" laughed Death before leaving.

"Don't listen to him" advised Life. "He's a jerk who loves to scare people only for fun"

"I've heard that!" shouted Death form outside.

Life then walked to Meg and brought her index finger upon Meg's forehead. She then casted a small spark of light in the tip, illuminating Meg.

"She'll gave birth soon" said Life. "The baby is going to be Okay, but there will be some…difficulties while she gives birth".

"What kind of difficulties?" asked Matt worried.

"You'll see soon. Don't worry, I told you that both the baby and Meg will be fine. Goodbye!" said Life before fading in another flash of light.

Meg then opened her eyes.

"Huh? What happened?" asked Meg as she sit up. "Uhhh…why I'm feeling so dizzy?"

"Meg!" shouted Matt as he hugged her tightly "You're okay!"

"Not for too long!" complained Meg. "You're squishing me!"

"Sorry…it just that I was so worried about you…" said Matt.

"Worried? Why?" asked Meg.

"Meg, you were hit by a lightning minutes ago! Don't you remember?" asked Brian.

"No" said Meg. "The only thing I remember is that I woke up early in the morning to eat something and then…I woke up here. I was really hit by a lightning?"

Meg suddenly noticed that her family was giving her funny looks, as if they were confused about something.

"What are you looking at me like that?" asked Meg, a bit pissed.

"Meg…you…you're glowing!" said Matt.

"What?" said Meg before lookingat her hand, which, indeed, were glowing with a pale blue shine. Then she felt a sharp pain in her pelvic region, and how her clothes wetted. "Oh my, my water broke!" shouted Meg.

(A/N: This time is not a dream, to make thing clear)

"Quickly, we must take her to a hospital!" said Matt.

"To a hospital?" said Brian. "Look at her! We can't let anybody out of this house to see her in this state!"

"And what are we going to do!?" said Matt.

"I guess that we must help Meg to give birth right here" said Lois. "Chris, heat up some water! Brian, bring clean towels! Matt, stay with Meg no matter what and support her!"

"What about me?" asked Peter.

"Peter, avoid doing anything stupid!" said Lois.

"I guess that's a challenge I can take" said Peter. "Hey, I have a crazy idea!" said Peter before grabbing an iron and pressed it against his hand "AAAAHHHHHHH!!" screamed Peter in pain. "Man, I must stop doing this stupid and probably self destructive crap" said Peter before looking at the iron, and pressing it against his other hand. "AAAAAAAHHHHHH!!"

Meg's shine was each time more intense.

"Meg, keep breathing!" said Matt.

"It hurts!" complained Meg.

"Meg, I know that it hurts, but you must be strong!" encouraged Lois. "Come on, sweetie, tonight the Griffin family will have a new member! Now, push when I told you to!" said Lois. "Now, push!!"

"AAAAHHHHH!!" screamed Meg.

Meg's shine was now so intense that looking at her was like looking directly into the sun. She also gave off heat. Matt and Lois were forced to step backwards.

"Matt! Mom!" cried Meg. "Don't leave me! I can't do this alone! AAAAAAHHHHHH!!" screamed Meg again.

Then a huge flash of light filled the room, and a shockwave of light came from Meg, knocking backwards everybody, shattering the glasses of the windows. And after that, silence. But soon the silence was interrupted by a faint cry.

Lois then could stood up, gathering her remaining energies, and walked to Meg. She stopped form shining. She also saw something between her daughter's knees. It was the baby she just gave birth. Lois held it and wrapped it in a blanket.

"Uhhh…what happened?" asked Meg.

"Meg, congratulations" said Lois, smiling with joy. "It's a beautiful girl" said Lois before handing her to Meg.

Remembering her nightmare, Meg looked at her fearing to see something disgusting. But, fortunately for her, just like Lois said, it was a beautiful girl. The girl resembled Meg a lot, except that her hair was garnet and was styled in a different way than hers. Her most noticeable facial feature was her big sandwich-shaped nose, just like Meg, Lois and Babs.

Everybody then walked to Meg, in order to see the newborn baby.

"Oh, look at her, she's so cute!" said Lois.

"Yup. I must admit that that's the least disgusting thing that has come out from Meg's body" said Stewie acidly.

"Hey, have you decided how are you going to name her?" asked Peter.

"Yes" said Meg. "I want to call her Rose Mary" said Meg.

"Rose Mary Kennedy" said Matt. "I love it".

"So, what are we going to do now?" asked Brian.

"I guess that whe should left them alone" said Lois. Everybody except Meg and Matt left the living room.

Meg then began to breatsfeed Rosie.

"She's…so beautiful…" said Matt, moved.

"She's the fruit of our love" said Meg before looking at her again.

"Are you okay?" asked Matt.

"Yes" replied Meg in a weak voice. "I'm only a bit tired"

"Yes, I must guess that you must be exhausted after the labour" said Matt.

"But it was worth of it" said Meg. "Did you saw her? She had your eyes" said Meg.

"And your nose" said Matt, and both chuckled. "Hey, I must call dad and Lana! They have to see her!" said Matt, as he rushed to his room. Meg then fell asleep, along with her newborn daughter

The very next morning, the Kennedys arrived at the Griffin household.

"Matt, is that true? Did Meg finally give birth?" asked Bruce.

"Yes!" said Matt, still excited. "It's a pretty girl"

"Do you want to see her?" asked Meg.

"Well, that's why we're here!" chuckled Mrs. Lockhart.

Meanwhile, upstairs, Lois is looking at Rosie in her crib. Everybody (except Stewie) then enters in the room, and began to watch how Rosie was sleeping.

"Aww, look at her, it isn't the cutest thing you've ever saw?" asked Lois.

"Yeah. It's strange because she looks a lot like Meg but, unlike her, she's cute" said Peter.

"When I saw her for first time, I was craving for having another baby" said Lois.

"R-really?" asked Peter, surprised.

"Hell no!" said Lois "It was only an expression. Besides, we still have Stewie" said Lois.

"Do you see that, Sophie?" asked Bruce "There you have a new friend to play with"

"She's very cute!" said Sophie "And looks a lot like Meg"

"Weird, isn't it?" said Peter.

Rosie then woke up, and began to look at everybody. She then began to cry.

"Oh, poor baby, I think that we scared her" said Mrs. Lockhart.

"Yes, we should leave her alone and let her sleep" said Lois before everybody left the room.

Stewie then walks into Rosie's room just after his parents and the guests left it. Then he walked towards the crib, and looked inside to see the little girl Meg gave birth few hours ago.

"Okay, new baby, we're going to set some rules!" said Stewie, trying to be firm. "First of all, all the toys in the house are MINE and only mine! If you want to play with one, you must ask me first!"

Rosie then woke up and looked at Stewie with a curious look.

"Second" continued Stewie "Since I'm the older baby here, I'm in charge, so we will play whatever I say to play, watch on TV whatever I say to watch and eat whatever I say to eat. Understand?"

Rosie gave him a funny look. She then kneeled with the help of the crib's bars, and pointed to a pile of toys.

"What the deuce?" said Stewie. Rosie then pointed to the pile of toys again. "Do you want that toys?" asked Stewie with malice. Then he went to the pile and picked a random toy. "Do you want this? Do you really want this?" asked Stewie, teasing his niece with the toy.

Rosie then smiled happily when she saw that Stewie understood what she wanted to say.

"Well, like I said, THERE'S NO TOYS IF DON' ASK FOR THEM FIRST!" shouted Stewie.

Rosie's smile faded. She gave a sad look to Stewie.

"Oh, don't give me such a look. It won't work" said Stewie.

Rosie then began to stare at the toy.

"You can look at it all the time you want. I'm not going to give it to you" said Stewie, self pleasured with his so-called authority.

But Stewie then noticed something strange in Rosie. Her eyes were glowing blue. And then, the toy Stewie was holding flew away from his hand and flied to Rosie, who grabbed it and began to play with it.

"What the deuce?" asked Stewie in shock.

**End Chapter**

**(A/N: So, finally happened what everybody was expecting. But I'm sure that nobody would expect such an odd birth. And what Rosie did at the end…has the Spellbook something to do with this? Or it's maybe Miriam? Hmmmm... )**

**(A/N2: If you want to see a picture of Rosie, you may check my profile for it. Also, I know that Rosie is a newborn baby this chapter and had a behaviour inappropriate for such a young baby, but…well, it's Family Guy. Babies can do anything regarding of their age. )**


	20. It's MINE!

**Chapter ****20: It's MINE!**

Several weeks has passed since Meg gave birth Rosie, and this event changed Meg and Matt's life forever, and not only theirs, but their families' too. Despite both Meg and Matt had to go to school, had to go to their respective jobs and now they had to take care of their daughter. However, Lois kept her word and she took care of Rosie whenever their parents could not, and, thus this, she and Peter learn to love her as their own kid. Chris and Brian also loved her too, and played with her a lot.

It didn't take too much time for the family to discover Rosie's supernatural powers. But, although they were shocked at first, they quickly attributed it to the spellbook's influence and Meg's unusual birth. However, this event didn't change at all the love the family has towards its newest member.

The only one displeased with this new arrival was Stewie,.

In this moment, Meg, Matt and Rosie are in the living room, sat on the couch watching some child program like Sesame Street, while Stewie and Brian are discussing.

"I have a bad feeling about her" whispered Stewie to the dog.

"Well, she has powers, but I can't see her using them for harm people" said Brian. "She's only a baby"

"She's NOT only a baby!" shouted Stewie. "And I've seen too much movies for foreshadow what's going to happen!" said Stewie. "She'll use her powers to make my life a living hell until I'm forced to leave, and she'll become the one and only baby in the house!"

"Stewie, I think you're too paranoid" said Brian calmly.

"Really? Look at her. Look at her wicked grin, her evil eyes, her cunning expression…" began to say Stewie.

Brian then looked at Rosie. She was trying to walk towards Meg, while Matt was recording her first steps. Rosie's weak legs couldn't hold her stood up any longer, and she fell to the floor. Meg rushed to check her, but she was okay, and smiled at her parents. Then Meg, Matt and Rosie began to laugh.

"Awwwwww" groaned Brian. "If Jillian and I have kids someday, I wish they were as cute as Rosie"

"Damn dog! You fell under her evil feminine charming!" said Stewie.

"Stewie, stop it already!" said the dog, pissed with his paranoia. "You should go and try to befriend her. I'm sure that you'll get along well" said Brian before leaving.

Meg and Matt left the room, leaving Rosie in the couch watching TV. Stewie then walks to Rosie.

"Um, hi" said Stewie.

Rosie turned at him and smiled.

"Listen, I know what you're planning" said Stewie. "But I'm not going to let you do it!"

Rosie gave him a funny look.

"And don't look at me like that!" shouted Stewie. He then noticed that Rosie's eyes were glowing. And he knew very well what its meaning was. Suddenly he was invaded by fear. "No…wait…what are you…?"

But it was too late, and Stewie fell victim of Rosie's powers. He felt a bit dizzy and disoriented.

"What the deuce…?" asked, before realizing in horror that he was hanged on the living room's ceiling lamp! "AAHHHHHH!! What the hell!?" asked Stewie as he tried not to fall. "Help me, you damn brat! Put me down!"

But Rosie only stared at him, giggled and clapped.

"Do you think this is funny, you cursed little whore!?" shouted Stewie. But, unfortunately, while he was trying not to fall, he dropped Rupert. "RUPERT, NO!!"

The teddy bear fell to the couch, near Rosie.

"Quickly, see if he's still breathing!" demanded Stewie.

Rosie then grabbed Rupert and looked at it very closely. Then she hugged the bear.

"Hey, don't molest Rupert!" complained Stewie. "Only one dared to do that and he's now sleeping six feet under the ground!"

Lois then entered in the living room.

"Stewie, Rosie, it's time for-" was about to say when she noticed her son hanging on the lamp. "Stewie!! What are you doing there!?"

"Oh, I just climb here to see a panoramic view of the room…could your stop from asking such stupid questions and put me down!?!" said Stewie with sarcasm.

Lois quickly put Stewie back in the floor.

"And now make that sea cow offspring to give me back Rupert!" demanded Stewie.

After hear that, Rosie hugged Rupert even tighter, scared of somebody would take off her beloved toy.

"Oh, she only wants to play with Rupert too" said Lois.

"But Rupert is MINE! MINE!! Do I have to spell it? M-I-N-E!!" shouted Stewie.

"Stewie, you must learn to be generous. Let Rosie to play with Rupert a bit" said Lois.

Rosie smiled triumphal and stuck her tongue out to Stewie, and hugged Rupert more.

"You won this battle…but I won't give up on Rupert, do you hear me?" muttered Stewie, resentful. "Crap, this is worse than that time Lois left me alone with the Fatman"

**Flashback **

Lois is pushing Stewie, who is on the swings.

"Peter, come here!" called Lois.

"What do you want?" asked Peter.

"I'm going to the bathroom. It'll be a minute. Keep an eye on Stewie" said Lois, as she walked away.

Peter then began to push Stewie. Then he starts pushing each time harder, while laughing stupidly.

"You, Fatman, stop now!" commanded Stewie. "Man, I think I'm going to puke!"

"Hehehehehehehe!" laughed Peter, as he kept his hard pushing, until Stewie.

"AAAAAHHHHH!!" shouted Stewie before being catapulted to the sky.

"Okay, I' back…hey, where's Stewie?" asked Lois as she walked to Peter.

"It isn't cute, Lois? Or little son just has learned to fly…" said Peter sweetly.

"WHAT?"

**End Flashback**

Later, Meg was in her room working with her laptop when somebody knocked the door.

"Come in" said Meg. The door opened slowly, and Brian entered in her room. "Oh, hi Brian, what do you want?"

"Remember that jazz CDs I lend for your music class? Well, I wonder if you still needed them" said Brian.

"Oh, you want them back?" asked Meg. "Okay, let me find them" said Meg as she stood up and began to search through her room.

While Meg was doing that, Brian then noticed something in Meg's laptop. He watched the screen and it was a video. He played it, and watched some scenes of Rosie: playing in the garden, being fed, bathing…Brian then realized that, every second he spent watching that video, something was burning inside his body.

"Here they are" said Meg as he handed the CDs back to Brian. She then noticed that the dog was watching her video. "Do you like it?" asked Meg.

"Huh?" asked Brian, who was engrossed in his thoughts.

"Those are videos that Matt recorded of Rosie. Look at her. It isn't the cutest thing you ever saw?" asked Meg to the dog.

"Yes…she's quite pretty" whispered the dog.

"We don't want to miss any moment of her" said Meg "Having Rosie is the best thing that happened in my life"

"Yeah, I know that sensation" said Brian, as the image of his estranged son Dylan came to his mind. "Well, I…I must go…" stammered the dog as he left Meg's room.

Peter, Lois, Meg, Chris and Rosie were in the living room, watchging TV. Rosie's still holding Rupert as it was a very valuable treasure. Stewie then walks in.

"Okay, that harlot has kept Rupert bewteen her claws too much. Make her to give it back to me!!" shouted Stewie.

"Rosie, I think that Stewie's right" said Lois. "You should give it back"

Rosie clutched against the teddy bear and glared at them with sad eyes.

"Rosie, you should learn to share the toys too", said Meg. "Now give Rupert to Stewie, please"

But Rosie didn't obey.

"Come on Rosie…!" said Meg as she tried to take Rupert from her daughter's hands, but she desisted when Rosie began to cry uncontrollably. "Oh…it seems that she grew very fond to Rupert"

"But Rupert is MY toy!!" complained Stewie.

"Don't worry Stewe" said Peter as he stood up. "I'm going to get you back Rupert"

"Wait, what are you going to do?" asked Meg.

"I'm going to took the toy from Rosie using a very complex, yet effective method of parenting and psychology…GIVE ME THAT DAMN BEAR!!" shouted Peter before took Rupert from Rosie's hand. But Rosie was holding it so tightly that he was dragged along. "Here it is, Stewie, daddy got Rupert for you…wait, it seems that something got attached to it…"

Peter then began to shake Rupert in order to make Rosie let it go, but it was useless. Rosie's face was going pale.

"Peter, stop!" said Lois.

"Lois, I know what I'm doing. It's just-" was about to say Peter, but he was interrupted when Rosie puked on him. "You damn son of a bitch!" shouted peter as he tried to hit Rosie, but fortunately Meg took her apart from Peter.

"It seems that she won't let Rupert go that easy" commented Chris.

"But what are we going to do?" asked Lois. "Stewie likes Rupert a lot. He won't stop giving hassle if he has not Rupert"

"Well, maybe we should wait until she grows bored of Rupert." Suggested Chris. "Just like Mr. Quagmire do with women."

**Flashback**

Quagmire is in the bed under the sheets with some random woman. They just had finished of doing it.

"Wow, Glenn, that was amazing…" said the woman.

"Yeah, you too" said Quagmire.

"Glenn…" whispered the woman.

"Yes?" said Quagmire.

"Maybe it's the vodka, but I think that I love you…" said the woman as he rubbed with his finger Quagmire's face.

"Uhh…do you see that button over there?" asked Quagmire

"This?" said the woman as she pressed it. Suddenly, a large tube appeared from the ceiling and sucked in the woman.

"God bless the king-size vacuums, giggity giggity!" said Quagmire.

**End Flashback**

"Yes, I guess that that may work" said Lois.

After hear that, Stewie left the room muttering profanities against his niece while the family continues watching TV.

Some hours later, Chris is at the mini mart working…I mean, talking with Carl about nude scenes of random movies. An asian girl then approaches them.

"Okay, I'll have this Pringles and this Vogue magazine…" said the girl before noticing who the clerk was. "Chris?" asked the girl.

"Zoe!" said Chris, happy to see her. Zoe Takanawa was the asian girl he met after the disastrous school dance. "What a coincidence!"

(A/N: Yes, I changed her name, because I didn't like the old one too much)

"Indeed" replied Zoe, and smiled to Chris. "I didn't know that you worked here."

"Well, maybe I'm not working here. Maybe even none of us is here and this is only the dream of some mad guy" said Chris ramdnomly. Zoe then laughed at his comment.

"Chris, you're so funny!" said. "Listen, have you heard about the new, bigger and better Quahog Mall?" asked Zoe.

"No…" said Chris.

"Well, it's a new, bigger and better mall that it's going to open this afternoon. My mom, who is a reporter, is going to cover it, and she's going to take me with her. Would you like to come with us?" asked Zoe.

"Sure!" said Chris, excited. "But what happened to the old Mall?"

"I don't know. Something related to animals. You know, rats, roaches, etc…that's why it was closed" explained Zoe.

**Flashback**

In a clothing store, some random girls are looking for some clothes.

"How about this one?" asked a girl, who was holding a shirt.

"It'll make you look fat" said another one.

"How about this?" said another one holding some jeans.

"They seem pretty cool!" said the first one. "I'm going to try them on"

The girl then opened the door of the fitting room, but as soon as she did it, she was viciously attacked by a huge velociraptor. The other girls ran away in fear.

**End Flashback**

Meanwhile, at Doctor Kaplan's office Brian is talking with him about his issues.

"So, what's the problem now, Brian?" said Kaplan in his soft voice.

"Did I talk you about Peter's daughter?" asked Brian.

"Yes. Her name's Meg, right?" replied Kaplan as he took some notes in his notebook. "What about her?"

"She recently became a mom" explained Brian. "She gave birth a beautiful girl. Her name's Rosie. You should see her, she's so cute…"

"Brian, what are you trying to tell me?" asked Kaplan.

"Well…when I see Meg and her husband taking care of her, bathing her, feeding her, playing with her…, and then I ask myself how they can take care of a baby being both 18… well, I just realized about something" explained Brian. "When I saw them, I remember that time I though I impregnated Sea Breeze, and my son Dylan…"

"So, you're telling me that you want to start you own family, isn't it?" asked Kaplan.

"Yes…" said Brian. "I realized that I'm getting old –and Peter's disgusting jokes about my short lifespan doesn't help- and I've never started my own family"

"But…?" asked Kaplan, glimpsing that there was something more.

"Well, this may be weird, but for some reason, I'm unable to stay with the same woman for more than a few months!" said Brian.

"And, can you tell me why all your relationships fail?" asked Kaplan. "Maybe there's a common factor"

"Well…now that you mention it…all the girls said that they want something more…serious, and…I didn't want" explained Brian.

"So, basically you're telling me that you're afraid of commitments, right?" asked Kaplan.

"Hell no! I was married to Lois for almost a year!" said Brian, a bit annoyed.

"Lois?" asked Kaplan. "Peter's wife?"

"Well, it's a long story…we though that Peter was dead and I became the head of the family…but I can ensure you that I'm over it" explained Brian, remembering his brief marriage to Lois. "What do you think, doc?"

"I think that you're afraid to lose or be far away from your family" said Kaplan. "You said that all your relationships failed except the one with Lois. If you're telling me the truth about your feelings about her, there's the root of the problem"

"Do, you really think that?" asked Brian.

"Brian, you told me that your life was practically a living hell until Peter picked you on the streets, and became part of the Griffin family" said Kaplan "They gave you food, a place to stay and love. They let you, a complete stranger dog, to be part of their family. And you're afraid that, if you leave the Griffins, your life only will get each time worse. But that's not true, Brian"

Brian though about what the psychologist said. Although he tried to reply his argument at first, then he realized that all what Kaplan said made perfect sense.

"Oh my God…y-you're right on everything!" said Brian in shock. "But…what can I do? Leave them and move again with Jillian?"

"My advice is that, if you want to start a family, you should take care of some child. You could work on a daycare center, or babysit for your neighbours. That way you should know if you're really prepared for being a parent. If you are, then you shouldn't be afraid of leaving the Griffin's place and start your own family" said Kaplan wisely. "This is not exactly your case, but kids inevitably grow into adults, leave their parent's home and start their own family. And they aren't afraid of that. And I think that you should do the same"

"Okay" said Brian. "I'll try to follow your advice" said Brian as he left the office.

Meanwhile, back at the Griffin house, Stewie walks to the living room, when he sees Rupert lying on the floor, alone.

"Rupert!" shouted Stewie in joy as he ran to him. "Finally that bitch released you!"

But his joy didn't last too much, because, before Stewie was near enough to pick his toy, Rupert banished.

"What the hell?" asked Stewie, shocked. Then he saw forwards and he looked her niece Rosie holding Rupert. Here eyes were still glowing. "Oh, you damn bitch, now you're going to give me back Rupert!" shouted Stewie as he pressed a button on his clothes. Then a jet pack with small wings grew on his back. Stewie started the jet pack, and flew fast as the wind towards Rosie. "FREE RUPERT NOW!"

But Stewie missed his target. He then turned on completely and began to chase Rosie around the house. Rosie ran as there's no tomorrow, holding Rupert tightly. While she was running, she used her magic, levitated a vase from a table and threw it to his uncle. But Stewie was prepared, and he blew it into pieces with one of his rayguns.

"HAHA! Magic or not, you have nothing to do against me, you little cow whelp!" He then began to fire at Rosie, while laughing maniacally. "You're going to regret the day you touched Rupert! Everybody does, sooner or later! MWAHAHAHAHA!! God, I feel even eviler than Dr. Evil!"

**Flashback**

In some secret evil Lair, Dr. Evil wakes up from his nap. Number 2 is there for helping him in whatever he may need.

"How was your evil nap, doc?" asked number two.

"Awesome. I feel so evil again!" said Dr. Evil as he dressed up. "Well, gather my evil minions, it's time for another evil plan! This time I have an evil plan so evil that Austin Powers won't be able to stop me " said the villain as he laughed very ridiculously.

"As you wish" said number two.

"Hey, where's mini-me?" asked Dr. Evil. "I can't do evil things without mini-me at my evil side!"

"I'm sorry to say you this, but Fat Bastard ate him this morning, while you were still asleep" explained Number 2.

"Fat Bastard…I should know that he was a fat bastard…" muttered Dr. Evil.

**End Flashback**

Rosie, dodging the lethal shots, ran upstairs, with Stewie flying over her. She is running to the Master room, which is closed, and Rosie has not enough height enough to reach to the door handle.

"HAHA! You're cornered!" said Stewie. "Victory is mine! Now give me Rupert and I perhaps spare your life!"

Rosie's eyes began to shine again, but Stewie couldn't see it. Rosie then jumped to the door…and phased through the door as she was a ghost.

"WHAT THE HELL!?" shouted Stewie in shock when he saw that. And, unluckily for him, he couldn't stop his jet pack in time, and he crashed against the door. The jet pack then exploded for no reason, leaving Stewie burned and covered in ashes. "You'll pay for this…" said Stewie in a injured voice as he walked away.

Meanwhile, back in the living room, the rest of the family is watching TV.

"Did you hear something like an explosion coming from upstairs?" asked Matt.

"I'm sure it was your imagination" said Lois nonchalantly.

Suddenly, Meg's cell ranged.

"Hello?" asked Meg.

"Hi, Meg, this is Nathalie. Are you watching the news?" said Nathalie from the other line.

"No…did some celebrity that we hate die?" asked Meg.

"Even better!" said Nathalie, excited.

Meg then switched to the channel 5, when the news was airing.

"Good afternoon, I'm Tom Tucker" said Tom.

"And I'm Diane Simmons. Today we have a special report about the new, bigger and better Quahog Mall" said Diane.

"That's right Diane" continued Tom. "Due to the unhealthily of the former Mall, it was closed by the Department of Health. And now we go to the asian reporter Tricia Takanawa, Tricia?"

"Thank you Tom" said Tricia. "As you can see, I'm standing in front of the new, better and bigger Quahog Mall, which is bigger and better than the older one. There is a crowd waiting for the opening hour. But most of them are here because they're going to by for free. The Mall's owners have sent golden tickets to random citizens of Quahog. Those golden tickets are $300 worth of the Mall products"

"Have you heard that?" said Nathalie to Meg.

"Let me guess, you have one of those golden tickets?" asked Meg, excited.

"YES!! Jillian and I are going to the mall, wanna come?" asked Nathalie.

"Sure!" said Meg excited, before hung her cell.

"Meg, aren't you forgetting about something?" asked Lois.

"Yes! I have to bring the camera, so I can show off in front of my classmates that I bought in the new Mall for free" said Meg.

"No, I was referring Rosie" said Lois.

"Oh, don't worry. Matt will take care of her" said Meg nonchalantly.

"Um, Meg, I'm sorry to tell you this, but I can't make it. I have to work until night." Said Matt.

"Where's Chris?" asked Meg, when she realized that her brother wasn't there.

"He told me that he had a date" said Lois. "But, if Chris were here, it wouldn't be a very good idea trust a baby to him"

"Hey, there it is!" pointed Peter to the TV, excited to see his son on TV.

"That luckily bastard!" shouted Meg. "He's at the Mall!"

"God, my son is on TV. Finally He has done something in life which I'm proud of" said Peter as he wiped a tear from his eyes.

"Mom?" asked Meg in the verge of desperation.

"No. Remember our agreement. I'd take care of Rosie when you have to go to work or to the school, but I'm not going to take care of her because you want to go to a mall." Said Lois.

"Mom, please! This may be my only chance to be popular! I mean, if I can find cool clothes…!" tried to say Meg, but she was interrupted by her mother.

"Besides, Peter and I are going to a dinner with Bruce and Lana, so you'll take care of Stewie too" said Lois. The she noticed her downbeat expression of her daughter. "Meg, you may think that this is unfair, but this is what I advised you about when you got pregnant. Parenting means responsibility and sometimes sacrifices."

"Okay…" said Meg in defeat.

"Hey, I can take care of Stewie and Rosie for you" offered Brian.

"Really?" asked Meg, with her eyes very opened.

"Yes. I was thinking about having kids, and after visiting Dr. Kaplan, he said that it would be for me to take care for some children and this way I can see if I'm ready to be a father." Explained Brian. "So I'll have some experience taking care of babies and you still can go to the mall" said Brian.

"Oh, thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you!!" said Meg as she hugged the dog.

"Man, are you sure you want to babysit Rosie?" asked Peter, as If Brian was going to do something stupid.

"Yeah, what about it?" asked Brian.

"Because she has freaking magic powers!" said Peter. "That will be even worse than babysitting superman"

**Cutaway**

A young Clark Kent is watching TV late in the night, when his babysitter comes in.

"Clark, I told you to go to bed!" said the babysitter angrily.

"Shut up!" shouted Clark. "You're not my mother! I don't have to listen to you!"

"Clark, stop making this harder than it actually is! Go to bed NOW!" said the babysitter.

Clark then slapped his babysitter really hard, to the point that he smacked her head clean off her shoulders, literally.

"At least that bitch won't piss me anymore" said Clark.

**End Cutaway**

Moments later, Meg is waiting for going to the mall. Matt left an hour ago for his job at the pizzeria, while Peter and Lois just left for the Kennedy's place ten minutes ago. Then a car honked its horn several times.

"Those are Jillian and Nathalie!" said Meg, excited. "Brian, you're now alone with Stewie and Rosie"

"Don't worry, I'll be okay" said the dog.

"Okay. If something happens, you have my cell number. Oh, don't let Rosie to eat candies or chocolate before the dinner, okay?" asked Meg.

Jillian honked again her car's horn.

"Meg you should be going" said Brian. "And stop worrying about it. I'll have all under control"

Meanwhile, Stewie is still trying to recover Rupert. He's shooting with his rayguns at Rosie, while she's levitating some small furniture and throwing it against Stewie.

Meg then exited the house, and got into the car.

In the Mall, Chris and Zoe are waiting for the Mall to be opened.

"Wow, I can't believe that your mother is the asian reporter Tricia Takanawa!" said Chris in amazement.

"Well, believe it" chuckled Zoe. "And thanks to her we're going to be the first ones to be in the bigger and better Mall."

Tricia then approaches to them.

"Well, Zoe, I must get back to the studio. A sandwich didn't agree on Diane, and somebody must hold her hair and take her whining while she throws up" explained Tricia.

"Whoa!" said Chrisi n amazement. "Your work is so awesome! You can see people throwing up in real live!"

"Mom, you should stop doing everything those jerks tell you to" said Zoe, disgusted of how her mother was treated by the studio.

"I have to, honey" said Tricia as she got into her car. "I'll pick you by 8:00 pm" said Tricia before leaving.

Another car then arrived in front of the Mall. From it stepped off Meg, Jillian and Nathalie.

"Hey, Chris!" called Meg, as she walked to him.

"Oh, hi, Meg" saluted Chris.

"Who's the girl you are with?" asked Meg with curiousity.

"Oh, this is Zoe. I met her in the school dance" explained Chris. "Zoe, this is my sister Meg"

"Nice to meet you" said Meg.

"Me too" replied Zoe.

Both girls greeted each other with a kiss on their cheeks.

"Chris told me that you have a daughter. It's that true?" asked Zoe

"Yes. I gave birth some weeks ago" said Meg. She decided not to reveal the details of her labour.

"Hey, the Mall is going to open! There's Adam West!" said Nathalie as she pointed to the main door.

Adam West approached to the main door, and cut the red ribbon.

"And with this, the New, Bigger and Better Mall which is newer, bigger and better than the other Mall is now inaugurated" announced West.

Everybody began to cheer.

"And now you may pass see, and even buy all the ridiculously expensive products of this Mall, but enter with slowly and calmly, there is plenty of time for…" said West before being trampled by the hysteric crowd, craving for entering in the Mall and spend, spend and spend, especially those awarded with a golden ticket.

Meanwhile, back at the Griffin house, Brian is trying to start his novel, but he can't. The noise Stewie and Rosie are making makes to concentrate impossible.

"Okay, Stewie, Rosie, come here!" said Brian.

Stewie and Rosie entered in the room fighting.

"Come on STOP FIGHTING!!" shouted the dog as he shoved them away from the other. "You have been fighting for two days!!"

"Tell her to give me back Rupert!" shouted Stewie.

"Stewie, listen. I still remember we went to Colorado in order to rescue Rupert but…I think that you should forget about it" said Brian.

"WHAT?" asked Stewie, stunned. "We corssed the whole country to get back Rupert, and now you're telling me to give it uo just because a little brat stole it from me!?"

"Okay…" said the dog, as he turned to Rosie. "Rosie, be a nice girl and give Rupert back to Stewie. You played too much with him"

But Rosie didn't obey.

"Come on dog! You're supposed to be the one with authority here!" complained Stewie.

Brian then tried to take the bear by force, but it was useless. Rosie used her powers to teleport herself to other parts of the living room, while Brian and Stewie chasing her. But, after some minutes, the dog gave up, tired. Rosie ran upstairs.

"Sorry Stewie. I tried" apologized the dog.

"And…that's all?" said Stewie.

"Stewie, I know what Rupert means to you but…I don't know what else I can do. Sorry" said the dog.

Stewie then was about to say something, but the words didn't come out. He then ran upstairs crying.

"God, this is harder than I expected" said Brian. He had though that, if he could turn Dylan from a hell raiser to a model son, he could afford anything. But He just discovered that taking care of babies was much harder. He wasn't ready to become a father. Brian sighed and looked at the empty screen of his laptop. Only the title was visible. He then opened another Word document. It was a story he has written but he didn't show to anybody. The reason was that that story was about him marrying Lois and starting a family. But Brian knew that that fantasy would never be fulfilled.

Lois…Brian always says that he's over his crush on her, but it wasn't completely true. Another question popped in his mind. How he could be successful in his relationships while being still in love with Lois? How he could expect that his new relationship with Jillian wouldn't fail again, if he still though in Lois as a love interest? Then he remembered something Lois said some time ago…

_Sometimes, we should cherish what we already have_

Brian though about that quote. He had a girlfriend and a family that loved him. Then, why he was so sad, why he felt like he had a gap on his life? Before meeting the Griffins, he had nothing, he was a street dog that had to humiliate in public in order to eat something. It doesn't matter if he never started his own family, or if Lois would never love him the same way she loves Peter. Lois, along the rest of the Griffins, will be there for him anytime, and that was what really matters.

He then felt more inspirited than ever. He then deleted the title _Fastest than the speed of love_ and began to type in his laptop the first lines of his novel. The novel's new title was _All the small but beautiful things of Life_

Meanwhile, upstairs, in Stewie's room, he's looking through photos with Rupert, remembering all the good and bad times, and all the adventures he had with him. He was still crying. Suddenly, a flash of light filled his room, and Rosie appeared in front of him, still holding Rupert.

"AHHHH!" shouted Stewie. "What do you want now? The rest of my toys? My room? Okay, its YOURS! It's crystal clear that I can't stand to your magic powers!" cried Stewie.

But, surprisingly, Rosie handed him Rupert.

"What…are you giving it back to me?" asked Stewie, surprised.

Rosie nodded in response, and smiled. Stewie lost no time in pick the bear and hug it between his small arms.

"Oh, Rupert! I missed you so much!" cried Stewie as he rubbed his whole body against his beloved toy. "Thank you so much! Maybe you're not the bitch I though you were" said Stewie.

"You're welcome" replied Rosie.

"Rupert, from now on I- wait, you talked!?!?" asked Stewie, shocked.

"Dude, I have magic powers and you're surprised because I can talk?" asked Rosie with disdain as she rolled her eyes.

"Why did you give it back?" asked Stewie. "I though that you liked it.

"Oh, and I do." Said Rosie. "But when I hear you crying for it, I realized that Rupert is more than a toy for you and…well I don't like to make people to cry."

"Well, thank you again for giving me back Rupert…oh, and if you want to play with me or with him…tell me" said Stewie, still moved.

"I'll do" smiled Rosie.

Meg then entered in the house, carrying a lot of bags.

"Brian, I'm at home!" said Meg.

Rosie then teleported to the living room and dashed to her mother.

"Mom, you're back!" said Rosie.

"Rosie! You can talk!" said Meg in amazement. Brian was also surprised.

"Another one surprised because I can talk…" muttered Rosie.

"So, Brian, how was your 'parenting experience'?" asked Meg.

"Harder than I expected" said the dog. "But I also realized that I don't need to start my own family, but to cherish what I already have"

"I'm glad to hear it. Hey, Rosie, you don't have Rupert anymore, what happened to it?" asked Meg.

"I gave it back to Stewie. I remembered all the things you said about generosity and stuff, and I guess that I was pretty egotistical" explained Rosie.

"That's very good" said Meg. "Well, your dad should be here watching your first words, so…who wants pizza for dinner?" asked Meg.

**End Chapter.**


	21. Adult Human Ninja Griffins

**Chapter ****21: Adult Human Ninja Griffins**

**(A/N:**** I created a forum named 'Family Guy Fanfics', to talk about any FG fanfic from this web. I suggest you to go there and, if you have a FG fanfic, you may open a thread to talk about it. Thanks to Bhaalspawn, who was the only one who noticed this)**

It was a quiet night at Quahog. Well, it would be a quiet night if there weren't for two people: Peter and Meg Griffin. Peter and Meg were at the roof of a apartment buildings, clanking at each other carefully. Peter was dressed totally in black, except for his head, which only wore a headband there, like a ninja, and he was holding a sword. Meg, in front of him, was also dressed as a ninja and holding a sword, but she was wearing a pink sleeveless shirt, pink tight shirts that went down to her knees, and a black headband. Both were in battle stances, looking at each other.

Meg then rushed towards Peter, and attacked him with her sword, but Peter parried the attack. Peter then countered back with more deadly swings, but Meg's fencing skills was nice enough to avoid the swipes. But, unluckily for Meg, Peter hurt her hand badly, making Meg to drop her sword. Peter waste no time and tried to impale his daughter, but Meg jumped in the nick of time and landed on Peter's blade, holding perfect balance. Before Peter could do something, Meg grabbed her dad with her legs in a headlock, and punched his fat face several times. Peter then began to run in circles, until he finally could keep off Meg from his face, and after lifting her daughter over his head, Peter threw Meg against a wall.

But Meg could gain balance again, and avoided a very painful hit against the wall landing with her legs, and stretched it again to be propulsed against Peter. She took advantage of her position, and set her legs to dropkick her dad, but her feet were stuck between Peter's massive fat.

"What the hell is this?" asked Meg in shock.

"You suck as a ninja, Meg" said Peter. "And you'll still suck as a falling body!" said Peter before lifting Meg again and throwing her out of the building.

"AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!" screamed Meg while she fell to her almost unavoidable doom…

**48 hours earlier**

"So, here we are" said Peter as he stopped the station wagon, and he and the rest of the family stepped out of the car.

The Griffins and the Kennedys decided to spend the Friday afternoon altogether, and they were now in the local multiscreen movie complex, deciding what movie they should watch.

"Hey, how about this?" asked Lois as he pointed to a banner showing a movie. Its title was 'The winter Road'. It seemed to be a romantic chick flick movie that Lois usually likes.

"Pff, come on Lois" laughed Peter. "Watching that is even worse idea than let Jesus to be the designated driver" said Peter.

**Cutaway**

Jesus is with some friends drinking at chatting as a bar. When one of his friends notices that he's drinking too, he reprimanded him.

"Hey, Jesus! You're our designated driver! You can't drink booze!" complained the man.

"Don't worry, dude, it's only water" said Jesus as he showed him a glass of water.

"Oh, okay then" said the man, as he resumed his conversation with other friends.

Jesus then hides the glass of water, and turned it into whine.

(A/N: This flashback is not mine. I saw it in a Cyanide&Hapiness comics)

**End Cutaway**

"But I though that you liked chick flicks after watching 'Autumn Piano'" said Lois, confused.

"No, I didn't" said Peter.

"Peter, you even make your own chick flick after that!" said Lois, annoyed. "Why are you saying that you don't like chick flicks anymore?"

"Because we're in a cartoon, and cartoons tends to ignore continuity" explained Peter.

"Touché" said Lois.

"Hey, we could watch this!" said Rosie as he pointed to a banner showing a crappy Disney movie called 'The little Sugar in the land of Broccoli'.

"Yes! I'm with Rosie!" said Chris excited, as he bumped up and down.

"No, we should go to watch this one!" said Stewie, pointing to a banner that showed an horror/gore movie.

"Stewie, I don't think that's a movie suitable for you" said Lois, as he picked her baby.

"Not suitable for me!?" asked Stewie, angered. "What is that supposed to mean?"

"Hey, didn't you decided what movie are you going to watch yet?" asked a familiar voice. Then everybody turned back and saw Joe with his wife Bonnie.

"Hi Joe" saluted Meg. "Yes, we don't know what to watch"

"Would you recommend us a movie?" asked Brian.

"Sure!" said Joe, cheered. "We came here to watch 'Ninjas in the sunset'. It's a freaking awesome movie!"

"Yes, we already watched it nineteen times, but Joe seems to never get tired of watch it one time after another…" said Bonnie with disdain. His voice proved how tired she was of that movie. "Joe, I told you a thousand times, why don't you download it?"

"Two reasons, Bonnie." Said Joe. "First of all, I'm a cop, and downloading movies from the internet is illegal, although I don't give a crap about it. And second, and most important, INTERNET SUCKS!!!" foamed Joe.

"That's because you don't know to use it properly " stated Bonnie.

**Flashback**

Joe is typing something in some random forum. After that, he got misspelled hate posts of internet trolls insulting him in many ways.

"WHAT?" yelled Joe after reading the posts. "NOBODY CALLS ME THAT!!!"

Joe then pulled out his gun and shot several times to the screen

**End Flashback**

"Why don't you ask Kevin to help you?" suggested Lois. "Teenagers knows a lot about computers"

"Kevin? Who the hell is Kevin?" asked Joe.

"Kevin. Your elder son" said Lois, a bit confused.

"I don't know what you are talking about" said Joe.

"Yes, I remember that you had a son named Kevin" said Meg. "I even hang out with him some time ago, but he suddenly disappeared for no reason some years ago"

"I told you. Continuity is ignored" whispered Peter to Lois.

"Well, we're going to…wait, YOU!" shouted Bonnie after noticing Life, who was standing in the line for buying popcorns.

"Crap, it's her!" said Life as she ran away.

"COME HERE, YOU WENCH!!" shouted Bonnie before chasing Life. "COME HERE AND MAKE ME TO GIVE BIRTH!!"

"Well, I must get her before she get hurt" said Joe before wheeling away. "Remember, 'Ninjas in the sunset' you won't regret!"

"Okay, let's go to see that movie"

They decided to follow Joe's advice and go to watch 'Ninjas in the sunset', a movie about ninjas, as somebody could expect, because it's not one of that movies with a promising title but then you discover that the movie has nothing to do with the title and it's a complete waste of time.

Some moments later, they are now watching the movie. Rosie can't hear well because she is behind two teenagers which are making it rather than watching the movie. She then decides that she must do something.

"Hey, Stewie, wanna see my new power?" asked Rosie.

"Sure!" said Stewie, pretty interested.

"Then look carefully at those jerks" said Rosie pointing to the couple.

"Oh Lisa, I love you so much" said the boy.

"Me too Josh" said the girl as they continued to make it. "Oh Josh!" groaned the girl.

Rosie's eyes began to glow its trademark blue shine.

"Oh Mandy!" shouted Rosie in a perfectly imitated voice of the male teen.

"Mandy!?" asked the female teen, upset. "Who is Mandy!?"

"Mandy? What are you talking about? I don't know of anybody with that name!" stammered the boy.

"You liar! You're cheating me with another girl named Mandy!" shouted the girl.

"But…!"

"We're over!!" cried the girl before pouring the coke over his now ex boyfriend and running away from the cinema.

"Shit…" muttered the teen boy as he walked away, covered in coke.

Rosie and Stewie then began to snort really loud at the sight of that scene.

"Rose Mary!" called Matt, angrily. "Don't use your powers that way!"

"Hey, they deserved it!" replied Rosie. "Besides, I did them a favor. He was gay."

"Anyway, gay or not, what you did was wrong" reprimanded Matt.

"Geez. Dad, you're more buzz killer than Buzz Killington" said Rosie.

"Buzz killer? Me?" said Matt.

**Flashback**

Matt returns to the Griffin house after a hard day working at the pizzeria.

"Matt!" greeted Meg as she hugged him.

"Hi, honey" said Matt.

"How was your day?" asked Meg

"It was fine, but, I'm so tired from work…" said Matt.

"Oh, don't' worry, I know a perfect way to remedy that" said Meg in a seductive tone, before going both to the sofa and began to make it out.

"MOM!" shouted Rosie, teleporting between her parents. "It's feeding time!" said Rosie as she pulled up Meg's shirt, removed her bra and began to suckle Meg's breasts.

"Rosie, your mother and I were just to-bah, nevermind" said Matt.

**End Flashback**

"Be quiet, please!" complained Meg. "We're causing a scene!"

"Shut up, Meg" said Peter.

"No, everybody shut up!" said Lois. "And Meg is right; we're making a scene, just like that time at my grandma's funeral"

**Flashback**

Peter and Lois are in Newport celebrating one of Lois' grandma's funerals. Everybody was in silence as the priest was talking about death, the afterlife, to rejoice for the people which are now in the heaven and other stuff like that.

"Hey sir, can you go faster?" asked Peter, and everybody glared at him coldly, especially carter.

"Peter!" called Lois.

"Hey, I only said what everybody else is thinking" replied Peter, but when he noticed the scything glare of Lois, he decided to shut up. But not for too long. "Hey, Lois, I took Meg's magic book. Look at this" said peter before casting a spell.

Everybody watched in horror how Lois' grandma came again to life as a zombie, and attacked one of Lois' relatives. The rest of the assistants fled in horror.

"Hehehehehehehe, poor bastard, he's going to die" laughed Peter.

**End flashback**

Half an hour later, the movie has ended and they're now in the car back to home.

"It was a good movie after all" commented Brian. "Although ninjas a bit overused"

"Yes, but it was worth for it" said Matt.

"Worth for it?" asked Peter. "It was freaking sweet!! I must thank Joe when I see him. That movie made my day"

The very next day, Rosie was sat alone in the couch watching TV when she's approached by Stewie.

"Hi, Rose, what are you doing?" asked Stewie.

"Watching TV, but there's nothing worth to watch" sighed Rosie. "Do you want to play something?"

"Oh, sure I do, my little red haired friend!" said Stewie, who smiled with an evil grin. "In fact, this night I though in a cool game we could play using your new power"

"A game that implies imitating voices?" asked Rosie a bit confused.

"Here it goes…" said Stewie before whispering to his niece the plan.

"But…isn't that a bit cruel?" asked Rosie.

"I'll pay you" said Stewie.

"Deal!" said Rosie happily.

Moments later, Stewie and Rosie are in the upper floor, where Stewie is setting up something.

"Okay, it's ready" said Stewie. "Oh, I can't wait to see it in action. Rosie, your turn. And remember, make it sound real"

"Okay" said Rosie before her eyes began to glow. Then she looked to a paper. "Brian, come here!" said Rosie in Lois' voice, in a very provocative tone. "Come upstairs, I have something special for you!"

Brian then walked from the kitchen gasping, excited, and rushed upstairs, but when he arrived at the upper floor, he tripped with a rope who was conveniently placed and fell to the floor. However, when the dog hit the floor, a plank pushed by a spring pushed him backwards, and fell downstairs rolling. Stewie and Rosie burst in laughs at the sight of this.

"Wha…what the hell!?" asked Brian as he stood up and wiped out the blood from his face.

"God, watching that was just priceless!" laughed Stewie.

"Did you do this?" asked the dog, pissed. "How could you imitate Lois' voice?" asked again. But the answer popped instantly in his mind. "Rosie! Why did you help him?"

"Because it was funny" stated Rosie. "And for this" said as she showed the dog a $10 bill.

"You…you're going to regret of this…" said Brian in an injured voice.

"Oh, really? And what are you going to do?" mocked Stewie. "Because this is not like the last time I beat you. With Rosie at my side, I'm untouchable, MWAHAHAHAHA!!"

"Just wait and see…" said the dog as he walked away.

"Wow, look at that expression" said Rosie. "If I wouldn't have powers, I'd be scared"

"Yes, I guess that me too, but what's going to do? Go to the internet and cry?" laughed Stewie.

Meanwhile, Peter is in the Drunken Clam talking with his friends about his night out.

"So, did you like 'Ninjas in the Sunset'?" asked Joe.

"Sure I did!" said Peter, still excited about the movie. "The action, the plot, the characters, the bestiality…I'm not sure how that came up exactly, but I've never watched such an awesome movie!!"

"Then we should watch it too if it's that good" said Cleveland.

"I'll wait until it releases on DVD, or maybe I'll download it" said Quagmire. "I have very bad experiences in cinemas…"

"You? Bad experiences?" asked Peter.

"Well, cinemas are usually dark, and you see nothing but the movie…you can't ever see if the girl at your side is beautiful or ugly…or it is a girl at all" explained Quagmire.

"Ohhhhh…" said the rest in realization.

"Anyway, after watching that movie, I want to be a ninja too!" said Peter.

"Peter, you can't be a ninja only because you want to" said Joe. "Ninjas were assassins trained since they were kids in martial arts, stealth and weapon mastery. And you suck on that"

"Oh, really?" asked Peter. "You won't think the same after THIS!!" shouted Peter and threw a smoke bomb. But, when the smoke faded, Peter was still there, lying on the floor, fighting for breath. "Call and ambulance…" said Peter before fainting.

Hours later, after the lunch, the entire family was in the couch watching TV.

"Hey, did you know where's Peter?" asked Lois, a bit worried. "It's too odd that he didn't come back by lunch time"

"Who knows, mother" said Stewie, who was sit on Lois' lap. "Maybe he tripped over something!" said Stewie, before he and Rosie laughed and high five.

"Piss off!" muttered Brian.

"Don't worry mom" said Chris. "I'm sure that dad's okay. What's the worse thing that may happen?"

Suddenly, Peter burst in the house through the window, breaking it into pieces. He was dressed as a ninja.

"Haha! Everybody fear Peter the fat ninja!" shouted Peter in a theatrical way.

"Does that answer your question?" said Meg dryly.

"Peter, why the hell are you dressed like that?" asked Lois, annoyed.

"Lois, last night I realize of something…when I watched that movie, I realized that the world needs ninjas…and that I can be one of them!" shouted Peter as he threw randomly some shurikens to the floor.

"Does he do this every time he watches a movie?" asked Matt, confused.

"Oh, sure he does" said Brian. "Like that time after watching Hancock…"

**Flashback**

Peter is in the Clam, dressed as Hancock carrying some beers to his friends' table, when he walks over a very huge, muscular guy, dropping the beers.

"Sorry sir!" said the muscular man. "It was my fault"

"Of course it was your fault!" said Peter in a very overbearing manner. "Look what you've done, you idiot!!"

"Hey, I said I'm sorry, what else do you want?" asked the man, pissed.

"And do you think that you can fix everything with a 'sorry', bitch?" asked Peter.

"Hey, Jim, is there anything wrong?" asked another man, presumed to be the huge man's friend.

"No, it's just this asshole" said Jim.

"Okay, call me asshole again and I'm going to stick your head in your ass" said Peter.

The two guys began to crunch their knuckles.

**End Flashback**

"Or that time after watching Mission Impossible…"

**Flashback**

Lois walks to the kitchen when she sees a recorder on the table. She switched it on.

"Lois, I'm on the Clam and I'll be late for dinner. This message will explode in 2 seconds" said the recording.

"What the…?" tried to say Lois, but she was interrupted when the recorded exploded.

**End Flashback**

"But worst of all was what happened after watching Broke Back Mountain" said Brian.

**Flashback**

Quagmire knocked the door of the Griffin house, and he saw Peter opening the door.

"Hello, Quagmire" said Peter, who was dressed as a cowboy.

"Hi, Peter, nice cowboy costume!" said Quagmire. "Well, you called me saying that you have something important to tell me"

"Yes, I have, but, don't stay out there, get in!" offered Peter, and Quagmire entered in the house.

"So, what do you want?" asked Quagmire.

"Hey, what's the rush? Sit on the couch" said Peter, and Quagmire sat on the couch. "Beer?"

"Sure!" replied Quagmire.

Peter then brought two beers and gave one to Quagmire. He then sat on the couch, very close to his friend. Then he yawned and stretched his arms, placing his hand on Quagmire's shoulder.

"P-peter, what are you doing?" asked Quagmire a bit scared.

But Peter only smiled and whistled the 'Cowboy Gay Sex' tune…

**End Flashback**

"But don't worry, you'll get used to it" said Brian.

"Oh, and by the way, Meg, I need you to use the spellbook to give me ninja skill" said Peter.

"No way!" replied Meg in a very forceful way.

"And why not?" asked Peter.

"Two reasons: First, every time you ask me something like this, something disastrous happen!" shouted Meg.

"Come on Meg, if you do me this favor, I…" was about to say Peter, but he was interrupted.

"…going to buy me a car?" asked Meg.

"Yes! Did you developed mind reading powers?" asked Peter.

"That's the second point! You're always promising me a car, but you never buy it!" said Meg. "You owe me more than 20 cars already!"

"That's not my fault" said Peter. "We are in a cartoon, and cartoons tend to ignore continuity. Just like those times I say that I'm going to treat you with more respect, but in the next episode I'm treating you like crap again, and nobody finds that odd"

"Well, this time is going to be different!" said Meg. "If you want to use magic for some wacky schemes of yours, you have to buy me a car first!"

"Meg, if you want a car so bad, why don't you use the spellbook for that?" asked Lois. "You could also use the spellbook for become popular, become more intelligent and get higher grades on school, being rich, and end with the hunger in the world and much more things. I mean, we only used the spellbook for stupid things like cursing Connie, shrinking Peter, getting trapped in a 2-D shoot'em up, summon ghosts of people that hate us, prevent Peter from lying, create a blizzard, or flood the whole town. I mean, why don't you use the spellbook for doing something useful?"

"Because of the same reason of why Rosie doesn't use her powers to enslave us" said Meg.

"Touché" said Lois.

"But I maybe use the book for getting a car, so forget about of being a ninja!"

"That's your final answer?" said Peter. "Well, if you don't do it, I'll be annoying you so much that you'll wish that…you'll wish that I wouldn't be annoying you so much! Could you live with that, couldn't you? Huh? Because I'm really going to annoy you until you use that damn book to turn me into a ninja. I'm going to be REALLY annoying. Could you live with that?""

"Okay…" sighed Meg. "I know that I'm going to regret on this…" sighed Meg as she walked upstairs. Moments later, she went down again with a black headband.

"Hey, what's that?" asked Peter.

"Anyone who wears this headband will be a true ninja, I mean, he will be skilled at in martial arts, stealth and weapon mastery, basically things that you suck at" explained Meg"

"Sweet!" said Peter as he took the headband and wrapped it around his forehead. Suddenly, he felt s shiver running through his body.

"Peter, are you okay?" asked Lois.

"I've ever felt better!" shouted Peter. "I can feel the power of the ninjas running through my veins! Now, let's do some ninja stuff!" said Peter as he jumped through the window again.

"I have a bad feeling about this…" said Lois.

"Just like anytime does this kind of stupid stuff" pointed Chris.

"Yeah, I guess that I should get used to it…" said Lois nonchalantly.

Moments later, Stewie, who is holding a notebook, and Rosie are in the living room. He's helping Rosie to find other powers of hers, in order to use them for their twisted purposes.

"Okay, now we are going to test your ability in levitation" said Stewie. "You can levitate small objects, but try to levitate something bigger…like the couch"

"The couch?" asked Rosie. "But it's too heavy!"

"It's heavy because _you _think that it's heavy! Remember when we watched Matrix! There's no couch!" encouraged Stewie.

"Okay…" said Rosie, before breathing out heavily. She then looked at the couch, and tried to lift it.

At the beginning, the couch didn't seem to move an inch, but it slowly began to float in the air. When the couch was about ten inches from the floor, Rosie suddenly dropped it down, making a loud noise.

"Excellent" said Stewie, who was taking notes. _"She can lift such a heavy object. This will be good…"_ though the evil baby. "See? It wasn't that hard"

"Stewie, from your point of view, this may be easy, but it was pretty exhausting" said Rosie, breathless.

"Okay, this is your next trial" said Stewie, and he blew up a balloon. "Pop this balloon"

"That's all?" asked Rosie. She then scratched it with her small fingernails, and popped it.

"Um, Rose Mary, you didn't understand me" said Stewie. "I wanted you to pop it using your powers" said Stewie before blowing up another balloon.

"Oh, okay" said Rosie, and without even making any effort, popped it.

"Perfect!" said Stewie. "Now we go to your next trial, when you must combine what you learned in this past two trials" Stewie then leaded Rosie to the kitchen, when Lois was doing some housework. "I want you to pop Lois' head like you did with the balloon"

"What? You want me to make grandma's head to explode?" asked Rosie, confused. "Why?"

"Because it's full of…full of…damn, what kind of candies the kids usually eat today…oh, screw it, because it's full chocolate!" said Stewie.

"I love chocolate!" said Rosie, excited.

"Well, you know what to do" said Stewie.

Rosie's eyes, focused on Lois, began to glow. Lois suddenly took her hands to her head.

"Uh…what's happening?" asked Lois, who was suffering a bad headache.

"It's working! Keep it!" said Stewie.

"Stewie…I can't do it…it's not like popping a balloon" complained Rosie.

"Come on, you're almost done with it! Keep it a bit longer!" said Stewie, excited.

"Crap!" said Rosie, as her eyes stopped from glowing.

"What happened?" asked Stewie, displeased.

"I soiled myself" said Rosie. Stewie then slowly stepped backwards.

Later that night, in Newport, Carter Pewterschmidt is in one of the many Country Club parties with other wealthy people, when somebody threw two smoke bombs, filling the whole place with smoke. When the smoke faded, there stood Peter with some ninja minions.

"Haha! Everybody fear Peter the Fat Ninja!" shouted Peter. "Oh, and this is a robbery"

"Peter?" asked Carter in shock. "What the hell are you doing here? And why are you dressed like catwoman?"

"I'm dressed like a ninja, you idiot!" shouted Peter, as he threw some shurikens, nailing Carter by her clothes to a wall. "Everybody, now give us all your valuables, or things will get worse than that time I volunteer at a school to teach Fire Security!"

**Flashback**

Peter is in a elemental school classroom dressed as a firefighter.

"Okay kids, now we will learn what to do when some small fire is set on our house. The most common place for this to happen is the kitchen. I mean your mother could be a sucker in the kitchen and burn that delicious turkey for Thanksgiving dinner, just like this." Said Peter. He then set on fire a casserole with some food. "What we should do? First, look for something to put out the flames"

Peter then turned back and began to search something in his firefighting backpack, but he farted very loudly, making the fire bigger and spreading it over the clasroom.

"Crap!" said Peter. "Don't worry, if the fire get worse, you must do this" said Peter. "Fire! Fire! Every man for himself!" shouted Peter in panic.

**End Flashback**

Meanwhile, back at the Griffin house, everybody is in the kitchen having dinner while watching TV, when the program that they were watching is cut to show the news.

"Hello, I'm Tom Tucker with a special report" said Tom Tucker. "Just ten minutes ago, a fat guy dressed as a ninja burst in the Newport Country Club and mugged all the presents"

"A fat guy?" asked Meg in horror. "Dressed as a ninja? Oh, why I'm not surprised!"

"The Newport Country Club?" said Lois in horror. "Oh my god, I hope that he hasn't hurt daddy!" said Lois, worried.

"We have a special report that the Quahog Local Bank is being held up by this unknown fat ninja and his minions" said Diane. "We now go to our Asian reporter Tricia Takanawa who is in front of the banks door, Tricia?"

"Thank you, Diane. As you can see, I'm in front of the bank, where the band of ninja thieves are- hey, wait a minute, they are trying to escape!" said Tricia, and the camera then focused on Peter and his minions, who were carrying bags of money.

"Okay, fat ninja, this is enough already!" yelled Joe with a megaphone. "Give up and we won't use the force against you!"

"Shut up! I don't accept orders from cop, and I also don't accept orders from handicapped people, much less from a handicapped cop!" shouted Peter.

"What? Are you discriminate against me for being handicapped? Oh, YOU'RE GOING DOWN!!" yelled Joe, as he pulled out his gun and shot several times at Peter.

Peter pullet out his sword, and parried all the deadly shots with it, surprising everybody.

"That was nice, but useless!" laughed Peter. "And now it's our turn! Come on, boys!"

"Yes, Master!" said one of the henchman ninjas, and they threw shurikens to the police cars' wheels, letting the air out. And seconds later, for no reason, the police cars exploded.

"I wonder when policemen will stop buying cars that explode when the wheels are burst. Come on guys, let's get out of here!" shouted Peter as he and his minions jumped to a nearby car's roof began to jump from car to car, collapsing the traffic. And one of the collapsed car was a yellow Volkswagen Beetle, with Death and Life inside it.

"You maniac!" shouted Death. "Fine! I have two deaths and I'm going to be late"

"I know what it feels." Replied Life. "I forget about the day that Bonnie Swanson would give birth, and well, now it's a bit awkward when we see each other"

"It seems that we're going to be here for a while. Wanna go back and…?" asked Death in a very seductive tone.

"For the last time, NO!" shouted Life.

"Come on, you had sex with me the last weekend!" said Death.

"I said I was drunk, okay?" shouted Life. "Now let it go"

"No!" shouted Death.

"Okay…how about five minutes of pity sex in exchange of cleaning the house for a whole month?" asked Life.

"Deal!" said Death, and both jumped to the back seat.

"Hey, it's that in the roof a camera?" asked Life.

"Well, my mom's always asking a proof that I'm not gay" explained Death.

Back at the Griffin house, Lois, Matt and Meg are talking about Peter.

"God, I shouldn't do that" said Meg. "Now dad is causing chaos everywhere!"

"And, with his new ninja skills, police is unable to stop him" commented Matt.

"I called dad and told me that he's okay" said Lois. "But Peter could hurt somebody if he keeps with this crap!"

"I guess that there's only one thing I can do to stop him…" said Meg as she pulled out another magic headband. "Become a ninja too!"

Meanwhile, upstairs, Stewie is in his room playing with his toys, when, suddenly, Rupert began to float in the air.

"Rupert? What the deuce?" asked Stewie in shock.

"Stewie…" whispered a suave and soft male voice.

"Rupert…are you talking to me?" asked Stewie, excited.

"Stewie…come to me…" said Rupert as he flew out of the room and went downstairs.

Stewie, almost hypnotized, followed the flying teddy bear downstairs, but he couldn't see that there was a conveniently placed rope tied between the wall and the handrail, making him trip and fall downstairs rolling. He could hear the voices of Brian and Rosie laughing their asses off.

"What the hell…?" asked Stewie, trying to recover from the fall.

"Do you though that I forgot about it, don't you?" teased Brian.

"You damn vengeful dog!" shouted Stewie, outraged. "But how could you make Rupert to fly and that voice…"

"Oh, that was me" said Rosie in that male voice.

"Rosie, you traitor! Why did you do it?" asked Stewie.

"Because it was funny" said Rosie "And for this" said Rosie as he showed a $50 bill.

"I can believe you sold yourself like a street whore!" said Stewie.

"Oh, come on Stewie, don't be mad at me" said Rosie. "Besides, you deserved it after what you did to Brian"

"I though that I could trust in you!" cried Stewie. "But this is what you get when you trust in a woman"

"Oh, don't say that!" said Rosie. "How can I make up for it?"

"There's nothing you can to for making me to forgive you for this betrayal!" shouted he thought about it better. "Well…would you do that voice again whenever I play with Rupert?" asked Stewie.

"Um…sure" said Rosie.

Meanwhile, somewhere in Quahog, Peter and his ninjas were in a building's roof, jumping from roof to roof in order to find more people to mug.

"This is a great night for a ninja thief" said Peter. "Don't you think it too, guys?"

"Sure!"

"Totally!"

"A perfect night!"

"But your reign of terror ends right here!" shouted a female voice.

"Who said that?" said Peter as he looked angrily to his minions.

"It was her, Master!" said one of the minions, pointing at Meg.

"Meg?" asked Peter.

"Dad, you went too far, and I came here to stop you!" said Meg in a challenging tone.

"You? Stop me?" laughed Peter. "Nobody stops Peter the Fat Ninja! Come on guys, teach her a lesson!"

The henchmen ninjas dashed towards Meg and prepared to attack. Meg stood there in a battle stance. The first ninja charged against her, but she quickly put him out of action. Another one attacked her in a backstabbing move, but Meg was able to dodge it, and knock him out with a powerful kick. She then dispatched the last minion ninja slamming his head against a wall.

"Whoa, you beat my minions!" said Peter, impressed. "But here comes the true challenge!"

"Challenge or not, I will win!" shouted Meg.

Meg then rushed towards Peter, and attacked him with her sword, but Peter parried the attack. Peter then countered back with more deadly swings, but Meg's fencing skills was nice enough to avoid the swipes. But, unluckily for Meg, Peter hurt her hand badly, making Meg to drop her sword. Peter waste no time and tried to impale his daughter, but Meg jumped in the nick of time and landed on Peter's blade, holding perfect balance. Before Peter could do something, Meg grabbed her dad with her legs in a headlock, and punched his fat face several times. Peter then began to run in circles, until he finally could keep off Meg from his face, and after lifting her daughter over his head, Peter threw Meg against a wall.

But Meg could gain balance again, and avoided a very painful hit against the wall landing with her legs, and stretched it again to be propulsed against Peter. She took advantage of her position, and set her legs to dropkick her dad, but her feet were stuck between Peter's massive fat.

"What the hell is this?" asked Meg in shock.

"You suck as a ninja, Meg" said Peter. "And you'll still suck as a falling body!" said Peter before lifting Meg again and throwing her out of the building.

"AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!" screamed Meg while she fell to her almost unavoidable doom.

But Meg's new enhanced perception saved her, when she saw a clothesline, and could grab it, breaking her fall. Using the clothesline as a balancing point, Meg performed two somersaults, landing on the clothesline, and pulled out another sword. Peter then jumped to the clothesline too, and there, in a perfect balance, they resumed their swordfight. In a missed swing, Peter cut the clothesline, and both fell to the floor. But, fortunately for both, they both landed on some trash containers.

They got out of the containers, and began to wipe the trash out of their suits. After they were done, they resumed again the fight. Meg rushed towards Peter, jumped on the wall and used it for perform a somersault jump over her dad, and swiped one last slash to his head. Aparently, Meg's attack had no effect.

"Haha, you failed!" mocked Peter.

"I don't think so" said Meg, self confident.

Then, peter's headband fell from his forehead to the ground. Suddenly, Peter turned back to his usual appearance, and fainted.

"God, it's finally over" sighed Meg, removing her headband too.

Later that night, after Peter and Meg's fight, everybody is sitting in the living room.

"Well, Peter's ninja days are over" said Meg with relief.

"It was a luck that all the people Peter mugged dropped the charges against him if he gave back all the things he stole and an apologize" commented Lois.

"Now there's only one question left" said Matt. "How much time will pass until Peter becomes obsessed with another movie?"

The answer came quickly when Peter walked in the living room dressed as a pokemon trainer.

"Well, I'm ready for my pokemon adventure!" said Peter excited.

"Lois, seriously, why are you still married to him?" asked Brian dryly.

"Shut up!" said Peter before tossing a pokeball, trapping the dog inside it.

**End Chapter**


	22. Meg's Two Daughters

**Chapter ****22: Meg's Two Daughters**

**(****Author's Note: Credit goes to Malcolm Fox for the idea of this chapter. Also, you may not completely understand this chapter if you haven't read Malcolm Fox's stories **_**Meg's Boyfriend/Meg's Family. **_**Disclaimer: I don't own Madeline nor Zack Murdock. Malcolm Fox does. Also, I don't know if you are reading this, but thanks a lot to Mr. Semaj for the drawing of Meg and Rosie(you can see it in my profile) Well, let's go to the story)**

It was a nice and warm Friday afternoon in Quahog. Brian was in the living room reading a book, when he was approached by Stewie and Rosie.

"Hey, Brian, do you want to play with us?" asked Rosie.

"No, sorry, maybe later" said the dog, engrossed in the book.

"Oh, come on, what's more important than making two toddlers happy?" Said Stewie before taking away the book Brian was reading, and looked at it. "_All about Parallel Universes_? I though you didn't like this kind of stuff".

"Well, you were wrong" said Brian as he took back his book. "And, for your information it's pretty interesting" commented the dog.

"And why are you so interested in Parallel Universes?" asked Stewie. "Do you want to check that Obama won in every other world too?"

"I read on the internet about that" said Rosie. "Some guy says that there are other universes where people is the opposite from people from this one"

"So, there's another Brian out there who is Republican, fundamentalist and…" said Stewie.

"Hey, don't joke with that!" complained the dog.

"Hey, look at the bright side" said Stewie "That Brian would be married with Lois and would be a famous novelist. I'm sure that you won't mind to be that Brian right now, will you?" teased Stewie.

Brian looked each time more pissed.

"Come on Stewie. It seems that Brian doesn't want to play with us" said Rosie, disappointed. Both babies left the living room. Moments later, Peter walks in.

"Hey, Brian, whatcha doin'?" asked Peter as he sat next to him in the couch.

"Reading a book" replied Brian. "And I'd like to have some peace while I read"

"Oh, I see" said Peter, who apparently got the point of Brian's dry statement. The he stared blankly for some seconds. "Hey Brian, whatcha doin'?"

Brian placed his paw on his forehead, and groaned in annoyance, and then he left the room. He then went to the kitchen. He saw Lois cooking something, Meg typing in her laptop, and Matt helping Chris with his homework.

"It's okay if I read here?" asked Brian.

"Sure, as long as nobody of us bothers you" said Lois.

"Don't worry. Only Peter and the babies do. God, they're more annoying that people who gets too excited in the cinema"

**Flashback**

Brian and Jillian are having a date watching an action movie in the local cinema. The main character uses a rocket launcher to blow up a helicopter.

"OH YEAHH!! THAT WAS TOTALLY…TOTAL!!" said a guy sat next to them. It was that annoying guy who drove a Hummer while watching 'Madagascar'.

"Shhhhhhh!" said Brian.

Minutes later, another character, holding a machine gun kills lots of bad guys.

"YEAH, THAT WOULD TEACH THOSE BITCHES A LESSON!" shouted again the same guy.

"Shut up please!" said Brian, really pissed.

After another action scene, the same guy began to shout again.

"YEESS!! THAT REALLY ROCKED!!" said the guy.

"Okay, that was the last strand…" muttered the dog. "Okay, you idiot, you better shut up or else…!"

"Or else what?" said the annoying guy.

"Jillian, can you stand up?" asked the dog.

"Sure" said the blonde girl as she stood up. Brian then pulled up his shirt and removed her bra. The guy then stared blankly at Jillian's naked mid-up section, had a nosebleed, and fainted.

"Finally, at least some peace" said the dog, as he sat down and Jillian dressed again.

Another action scene.

"YES!!YES!!BRING IT OOOOON!!!!" shouted Joe.

**End Flashback**

"Don't be so harsh on them" said Meg. "Dad can be a jerk sometimes…no, a lot of times…no, most of the times…well, you know what's my point. But Stewie and Rosie are only babies, and babies usually demands lots of attention"

"Meg's right" said Lois. "Besides, I'm sure that they only wanted to play a harmless game"

Meanwhile, in Stewie's room, Stewie and Rosie are playing. Rosie is levitating some plates with her powers and threw them thought the window, and then Stewie blows them up with his raygun.

"Hey, do you think that was real?" asked Stewie.

"What was real?" said Rosie, confused.

"That crap about parallel universes Snoopy was reading" explained Stewie. "I mean, do you think there are other universes aside from this one?"

"I dunno, but who knows?" said Rosie as she shrugged her shoulders. "I guess that mom didn't believe in magical babies before I was born"

"About what you said before, could you imagine that?" asked Stewie. "Brian being conservative."

"Bah, it will be the same dog with a different collar" said Rosie disdainfully. "What it would be weird would be grandpa and Uncle Chris being intelligent"

"Yes, and Lois would be a prudish woman afraid of sex!" added Stewie. "And your mom would be beautiful and popular!"

"Yes! And- HEY!" complained Rosie.

"What? I'm only being honest" said Stewie. "But I can understand why you're pissed since you look a lot like her."

"Yes" said Rosie. "Now that it comes to my mind, have you realized that, in a cartoon or an anime, when a character grows up and has kids, the kids are like a younger version of a mixture of their parents?"

"Yes, that's what I was pointing" said Stewie. "So, if I have children, they'd look like me"

"Then I'm sorry for them" said Rosie.

"Um, why did you say that?" asked Stewie.

"Nevermind" said Rosie. "Hey, I though in a new game we can play! It's called-wait" said Rosie, as she began to look around.

"It's called 'wait', okay, how we can play it?" asked Stewie nonchalantly.

"No! There's…there's something odd here…" said Rosie. "Now I can feel it! There's a powerful energy current in this room!!"

"What?" said Stewie, confused.

But the answer came quickly, when a dimensional portal appeared in the middle of the room.

"What the deuce is that!?" asked Stewie, shocked.

"That's what I tried to say!" said Rosie.

"Did you do it?" asked Stewie, looking at Rosie.

"No. It appeared by itself" said Rosie. "It looks like…a dimensional gate"

"A real dimensional gate…in my own room! Cool!" said Stewie, amazed. "I wonder what would be at the other side…"

"Stewie, you should keep a distance from that" said Rosie, worried.

"And you should shut the hell up!" said Stewie.

Suddenly, the vortex began to suck up everything in Stewie's room, just like a black hole. Stewie and Rosie grabbed Stewie's crib, which was heavy enough to not being sucked.

"THAT'S why I told you not to come close to that thing!" said Rosie.

"Can you stop from bitching and do something about this?!" said Stewie. "Use your powers! Teleport us to a safe place!"

Rosie's eyes lit, but their glow quickly banished.

"What the hell are you waiting for? Chinese new year?" said Stewie, pissed.

"I can't concentrate!" said Rosie.

In that moment, Lois and Meg walked in the room.

"Why are you making so much noise?" asked Lois before seeing the vortex. "OH MY GOD!!"

"Yeah, this chapter started with Brian reading a book about parallel universes, and a dimensional gate appeared in my room" said Stewie nonchalantly, ingoring for a moment his situation. "It isn't strangely convenient?"

"What the hell is that!?" asked Meg in shock. "Rosie, what did you do?"

"Why everybody thinks that I did this only because I have magic powers?" asked Rosie, pissed.

But Rosie and Stewie's hands couldn't hold them any longer, and came off of the crib, but Lois and Meg were quick enough to grab them.

"Stewie, hold on! Mommy is here!" said Lois.

"Big deal" said Stewie sarcastically.

"Rosie, hold tight!" said Meg.

"Mom, don't let me go!" Begged Rosie, almost crying.

"Peter! Brian! Matt! Chris!" called Lois.

The rest of the family ran to Stewie's room, and watched what was happening.

"What the hell is happening here?" asked Peter. "Meg, what did your freaking daughter do this time?"

"I did nothing!" said Rosie, really pissed. "And what do you mean by _this time_?"

"Help us, please!!" shouted Meg.

Peter and Matt grabbed Lois and Meg respectively, trying to hold them as hard as they could. Brian and Chris also helped too.

"Matt, don't let us go!" begged Meg.

"Just hold tight and don't let our daughter go!" said Matt. "Peter, let's try to get out of this room!"

Peter and Matt began to pull their wives, but, when they were almost out of danger, Rosie's hands slipped and was dragged to the vortex, which send her to another dimension.

"ROSIE!!" shouted Matt and Meg in unison.

The vortex then collapsed in a huge flash or light that filled the whole room, knocking everyone backwards.

"God, I'm growing tired of these knockbacking bright flashes of light!" complained Peter.

"What happened to Rosie?" cried Meg, still temporary blind, as she desperately looked around.

"I think I see her!" said Lois, whose eyesight was recovering from the flash.

Everybody then walked to a little girl who apparently was Rosie, but there was something wrong with her. The girl lying unconscious looked a lot like Rosie, except that her hair was blonde instead of red, and was styled in the same layered style that Meg had when she got the makeover. Also, she was wearing a pink dress instead of Rosie's usual blue dress.

"Oh my god, it finally happened!" said Peter in shock. "Rosie became so powerful that she turned into a Super Saiyan!!" Everybody then stared at Peter blankly. "What?" said Peter.

"Uhhhh…" groaned the blonde girl as she stood up.

"Look, she's awaking!" pointed Brian.

The blonde little girl stood up and looked at Meg.

"Mom…?" asked the toddler.

"Rosie?" asked Meg again.

"Rosie? Who is Rosie?" said the blonde girl. "It's me, Maddie! Mom, don't you recognize me?"

"Recognize you? I've never seen you in my whole life!" said Meg. "And what happened with my daughter?"

"I AM your daughter! Why everybody suddenly forget about me!?" said Maddie, almost hysteric. "Wait…oh, crap, the Sundoor!" said Maddie.

"Sundoor?" asked Stewie.

"Yes, it was a portal to other universes, just like the Stargate, but with a different name for not attracting nerds" explained Maddie.

"I guess that we should go to another place to talk about this" suggested Brian,

Moments later, everybody is in the living room, hearing Maddie's story.

"Stewie and Tilly build a Sundoor in order to explore other universes, but when they activated it, something went wrong and I was sucked to another dimension…well, this one." said Maddie. "And it seems that I don't exist in this world" said Maddie sadly.

"So, in your universe, Stewie is a genius baby?" asked Lois, amazed.

"Yeah, what a shock!" said Stewie, faking surprise

"So, I guess that Rosie must be in your universe" said Matt.

"Poor baby" said Lois. "This is even worse than that time Peter tried to suicide"

**Flashback**

We go back to the episode 'Petarded', after Peter finds that he is retarded, but before realizing of its advantages. He is sad and miserable because everybody picks on him.

Lois enters in the house with some bags.

"Peter, I'm here" announced Lois, but nobody answered. Then he noticed a note on the couch. She read it.

_Dear Lois, I'm tired of being__ retarded and people mocking at me for that, so I'm going to end it all. Tell Brian and the kids(except Meg) that I love them…well, tell Meg that I love her too, but don't tell anybody else that I said that. Now that it comes to my mind, don't tell Brian that I love him, people may think that I'm gay…okay, tell Brian too, but tell him that I love him as a friend. But if he has sex with you while I'm dead, I shall return as a zombie and kill both!! Oh, I also forgot to say that I loved you too. Bye._

"Oh my God! Peter!!" shouted Lois as she rushed to the basement. There was Peter, who has hanged himself to the ceiling…but he just hanged by an ankle instead of the neck.

"Lois…I think that I did something wrong, didn't I?" asked Peter.

**End Flashback**

Maddie then noticed Matt.

"Um…who are you?" asked Maddie to Matt. He was the only one she didn't recognize.

"This is Matthew, my husband" said Meg.

"That guy is your husband? So, you are not married with dad?" asked Maddie in shock. "Cripes, no wonder why I don't exist!"

"Meg is not married to Matt in your universe?" asked Brian.

"My god!" said Peter in shock. "Are you saying that there is another guy out there besides Matt that loves Meg and finds her attractive!?"

"Meg! How could you!" said Matt angrily. "You married another guy _and_ had a daughter with him!

"Hey, it wasn't me!" replied Meg in the same tone. "Well, technically it was, but you know what I'm trying to say"

"Another question" said Brian. "Who's that Tilly girl you talked about before?"

"Tilly is Jillian's intelligent daughter" said Maddie. "And I guess that she doesn't exist either"

"Jillian's?" asked Lois.

"Daughter?" asked Meg.

"Intelligent?" asked Brian.

"Tom Cruise?" asked Peter, and everybody stared at him like he's crazy. "What?"

"I guess that some things remain the same even in other universes" said Maddie dryly.

"Jillian had an intelligent daughter?" laughed Lois.

"Well, I am very intelligent. Maybe she took that part from me" said Brian proudly.

"No, you're not the father, in my universe you two broke up" said Maddie. "Chris is"

"CHRIS!?" asked Meg, fighting back tears of laugh. "Chris _and_ Jillian had an intelligent daughter?"

"Hey, I'm not as idiot as everybody says!" said Chris, offended. Then he blew his nose with a $100 bill.

"God, the Lois of your universe must me an irresponsible bitch to let Chris to have sex with an adult" pointed Lois.

"I want to have that mom" muttered Chris.

"Hey Maddie, do you have any kind of supernatural abilities like levitating objects?" asked Peter.

"Eh, no" said Maddie, a bit confused.

"Can you read minds?" asked again peter.

"No"

"Teleport?"

"No"

"Do you have any magic powers?"

"No. Why should I have magic powers?" asked Maddie a bit confused. "Geez, you're even more idiot than my universes' grandpa".

"Pff, Meg, your new daughter is boring" said Peter disdainfully. "I preferred the old one"

"Peter!" said Lois. "Don't say such a mean thing"

"People, there's something we're forgetting about…" said Maddie. "How the hell I'm going to get back to my world?"

"Yes, and how are we going to get back Rosie?" asked Matt.

"I'll see if the spellbook has something about dimensional gates" said Meg.

"Hey, you guys have a spellbook?" asked Maddie, amazed.

"Meanwhile we are finding a way to bring back Rosie to our world and send back Super Saiyan Rosie to her world, what are we going to do with her?" asked Peter.

"I'll guess that we should take care of her" said Meg. "I hope that the Griffins in the other side of the gate do the same with Rosie. God, I'm so worried"

"Me too" said Matt. "But we must be strong"

Moments later, Meg took Maddie to her room.

"So, how is your world?" asked Meg.

"It's pretty the same as this, mom…sorry, I mean Meg" apologized Maddie.

"You can call me mom, if that makes you to feel better" smiled Meg.

"Well, it just that you look a lot like her…I bet that we even share the same DNA…but you're not her. And the worst thing it's that nobody knows me!"

"Don't worry Maddie" said Meg, as she stroked her long blonde hair. "I'll try my best to make you to feel like in your house"

"Thanks…mom" smiled Maddie sheepishly.

"Did somebody tell you that you have a beautiful hair?" praised Meg.

"Thanks. I took it from my father" said Maddie

"Speaking of whom, how is your father?" asked Meg

"Dad is the best dad in the world!" said Maddie proudly. "Name's Zack Murdock. He's tall, with long blonde hair, and very handsome"

"Really?" asked Meg, interested. "Tell me more!"

"Well…he was a 7-11 clerk, but before I was born he opened his own auto-shop business, and after grandpa burned it down began to work at the brewery" said Maddie. "Oh, and he's always fighting with grandpa, because of his constant stupid stuff and the way he treats you"

"How did we meet each other?"

"Grandpa ditched you in east Quahog. Then you went to a 7-11 to look for help, and dad offered to ride you home" said Maddie. "It happened after a punch buggy game"

"Yeah, I remember that" said Meg. "But in this world happened this way…"

**Flashback**

We go to the first chapter of 'Meg's Boyfriend', but in this universe. It happened after Meg got the spellbook, but before marrying Matt.

"Hey, I've got a game we can play," said Peter, "Whenever we see a buggie on the road, we hit Meg!"

"What?!?!" shouts Meg, "Don't I get a say in this."

"No," Peter simply says.

"Punch buggy green," says Chris after seeing a green buggie and hitting Meg.

"OW!"

"Punch buggy blue!" shouts Stewie and he hits Meg.

"OWWW!"

"Punch buggy yellow!" shouts Peter as he punches Meg on the head... HARD.

"OOOOOOOWWWW!!!! STOP IT!!!"

"HAHAHA!!! Listen to her whine!" said Peter as he was amused with his sick game.

"Peter, this isn't funny!" said Lois.

"Sure it is!" said Peter, "Just like the time I pushed Meg in front of a speeding bus."

"You told me Meg was at a friend's house" said Lois.

"Well you should have known that was a lie when I said 'Meg' and 'friend' in the same sentence without saying 'she doesn't have any'" said Peter.

Meg sees a red buggie and decides that now was her chance.

"Punch buggy red" she says as she hits Chris, "That's one point for me!"

"Ow! Dad make her stop!" whines Chris.

"Oh that's it!" says Peter angrily, "You have gone too far Meg!"

"But I only hit him once!" says Meg.

"Out of the car!" shouts Peter.

"But-" said Meg before she was interrupted by Peter making a hole through the win shield with his fist.

"NOW!" shouts Peter.

"Do you think you can scare me with that?" said Meg in a very defiant tone. Then she snapped his fingers.

"Meg, I told you-huh?" asked Peter, but suddenly he was teleported to the street, and watched how the family station wagon speeded away. "Hey, come back!!"

**End Flash****back**

"You used magic to throw grandpa out from the car?" asked Maddie, astonished. "How?"

"The same way I'm going to send you back to your world. With this!" said Meg as she showed the Spellbook. "With a real Spellbook!"

"Whoa!" said Maddie in amazement. "It's really magical?"

"Sure, I'll show you" said Meg, and looked for a simple spell. "Look at this"

Meg then casted a spell, and summoned a very good looking cheesecake. Maddie's eyes opened wide.

"Then, you can use that to send me back to my world?" asked Maddie, excited.

"Yes, but don't get your hopes up to soon" advised Meg, and she saw how Maddie's cheer faded. "Opening a door to another universe is very difficult, and requires some conditions".

"Conditions? What conditions?" asked Maddie, downbeat.

"I don't know, I didn't looked at it very closely, but I promise you that I'll find a way to do it" said Meg

"Thanks" said Maddie. Then she saw a photo of Meg, Matt and Rosie. "Is that Rosie?" asked Maddie.

Meg nodded in response.

"Why did grandpa say that I'm more boring than her?" asked Maddie.

"Because, due to the spellbook's influence, she was born with magic powers" explained Meg.

"She has magic powers?" asked Maddie in shock. "God, I wish I had powers…well, now that it comes to my mind, I gained telekinesis one time"

"And what happened?" asked Meg.

"I went mad and tried to destroy mankind" explained Maddie.

"Oh…" said Meg, a bit scared of what her so-called daughter said.

"But don't worry, I've never done anything bad since that…well, except that time in the car I make dad to crash against a tree and you almost got killed…and that time I grew to giant size…" remembered Maddie.

"Well, look at what time is it. You should go to sleep now" said Meg, as she carried Maddie in arms out of her room.

"Hey, my other mom let me to go to bed two hours later!" complained Maddie.

"Nice try" said Meg as she took her to Rosie's room.

"What is this?" asked Maddie. Her house didn't have that room.

"This is Rosie's room" said Meg. "You can sleep here. I guess that it will be your room while you're staying with us"

"My own room? Nice!!" said Maddie, enthusiastic with the idea.

"Don't you have your own room in your world?" asked Meg.

"No, I share my room with Stewie" said Maddie.

Meg then put Maddie in Rosie's crib and wrapped her up.

"Good night Maddie" said Meg, before kissing her in the forehead. "And don't worry about getting back to your universe. I'll make it sure"

"Good night…mom" said Maddie.

Meg then switched off the lights and exited the room. Maddie lied down, trying to accommodate, but she couldn't. That wasn't her crib. She then stood up and looked around the room. There were a bunch of toys spread across the floor, most of them she couldn't recognize. There was also an open fitted wardrobe with some small clothes; probably they were Rosie's clothes. Then she though about that girl, her parallel half-sister in some odd way. She would be sleeping in her crib right now, in Stewie's room. She also though in the Sundoor. The Sundoor collapsed because some unknown fact, sending her to this world, when she doesn't exist and her mother was married to another guy, and even weirder, her mother had a magical book. Will Stewie and Tilly repair the Sundoor in time? She knew that, if she wanted to go back to her home, she couldn't just wait for the Sundoor to be repaired.

Tired after all the events of that day, she decided to lie down and try to sleep. Maybe tomorrow things would be better.

"_When I get back at home, I'm going to ask for my own room"_ Though Maddie before falling asleep.

In Meg's room, Matt and Meg are in the bed too, talking about Rosie and Maddie.

"I put her on the crib" said Meg. "Tomorrow I'll try to find a way to open a gate between our worlds"

"I wonder what Rosie will be doing now" said Matt. "Do you think that the Griffins of her world will take care of her as we do with Maddie?"

"I'm sure. Maddie said that our families were pretty the same" said Meg. "Well, not exactly the same…"

"Let's not talk about that, please" said Matt. He couldn't bear the fact that her wife was married to another guy. Well, that guy would feel the same when Rosie told him about her world.

"But you shouldn't worry about Rosie" said Meg. "Remember that she has her powers, and well, she may drive crazy the guys of Maddie's world"

"Yes" chuckled Matt. "She can be handful some times. Remember that time we tried to bath her?"

**Flashback**

Meg and Matt are chasing Rosie around the whole upper floor.

"Rosie, come here!" shouted Matt.

"You cannot avoid us forever!" said Meg.

"Wanna bet?" challenged Rosie, who was teleporting constantly, in a desperate attempt to escape from her parents, and from bathing.

"Come on Rosie, bathing it's not THAT bad!" complained Matt.

"Do you think so, huh?" said Rosie, before casting a spell. "Well, then you won't mind of bathing with me!"

Suddenly, a giant torrent burst from the bathroom, dragging Matt and Meg.

"ROSE MARY KENNEDY!!!!" shouted Matt and Meg in unison

**End Flashback**

The very next morning, Stewie was in his room playing with his toys, when he's approached by Maddie.

"Hi Stewie" said Maddie cheerfully. "Do you want to play something?"

"Oh, hi new girl" said Stewie dryly. "Sorry, but I'm not in the mood to make new friends, so get lost"

"'New girl'? Why are you talking me like that?" asked Maddie in disgust. "Oh, yeah, I forgot it, nobody knows who I am…" said Maddie sadly, as she walked away.

Lois saw this from outside. She then went to the living room, where the rest of the family except Meg was there watching TV.

"Poor Maddie" said Lois. "She feels so lonely and sad…"

"What happened?" asked Brian.

"She wanted to play with Stewie but he rejected her" explained Lois.

"How's Meg going with that dimensional gate spell?" asked Peter.

"She's still trying to find it" asked Matt. "I guess that it will take more time than we may expect"

"Meanwhile, one of us should spend some time with her, so she doesn't feel so sad and lonely" said Lois.

"Sure" said Peter.

"That's what we should do" agreed Brian.

But Matt then noticed that everybody was looking at him.

"What? Me?" asked Matt. "You can't be serious!"

"I'd tell Meg to, but she's busy with the spellbook" explained Peter. "Come on Matt, you're her closest relative"

"What?" asked Matt in disbelief. "How can I be her closest relative? We're not even related! In fact, she's Griffin blood, so she's more related to you than me!"

"Hey, despite my surname, I don't have Griffin blood" said Brian quickly.

"And that's not all" said Matt. "I'm married to her mother but I'm not her father! Can you imagine how she must feel about me?"

"But Maddie is your wife's daughter, so that makes YOU her closest relative aside from Meg" said Peter. "So it's YOUR responsibility to make her happy"

"Don't start again with that crap" protested Matt. "Okay, I'll do it…" said Matt as he rolled his eyes and walked away.

Matt then went upstairs and looked for Maddie. He then heard some soft cries coming from Rosie's room. He slowly opened the door, and watched how Maddie was lying on the floor, crying.

"Maddie…?" asked Matt.

"Go away!" sobbed Maddie.

"Maddie…please don't be so sad" said Matt.

"And why not?" asked Maddie angrily. "I'm stuck in a world that looks like mine, except that mom is married to you instead of dad, thus I don't exist, thus anybody knows who I am!"

"Listen Maddie, I know that this is hard for you…" said Matt, trying to be understanding.

"And how can you know it?" asked Maddie.

"Listen, I lost my daughter today, so I know what I'm talking about" said Matt. "Listen, Maddie, I know how you must feel about me, but I just only want you not to be sad. How about if I take you to the park?" suggested Matt.

"Okay…" said Maddie, as she wiped tears from her eyes. "But I also want mom to come with us"

"Okay, let's see if she's done with the dimensional gate" said Matt as he and Maddie left Rosie's room and walked into Meg's room. "Hey, Meg, how's that spell going on?"

"It's almost ready!" said Meg cheerfully, who had some potions in her desk. "With this potion, I can open a rift between worlds, opening a dimensional gate!"

"That's wonderful!" said Matt.

"Then , what are we waiting for?" asked Maddie.

"Sorry, sweetheart, but it will take some hours until the potion is ready" said Meg. "It needs to settle a bit to work"

"Well, at least we have a way to open a gate" said Matt. "Anyway, I was about to take Maddie to the park, and she want you to come too"

"Really? Okay then" said Meg, as the three of them left the house.

Minutes later, in the park, Maddie is playing in the swings while Meg is pushing her.

"Push me harder!" said Maddie.

"Okay" said Meg as she began to push harder.

"Harder!" said Maddie. "I want to reach the sun!"

Meg then began to push so hard that the swing spun several times, while Maddie was screaming. Meg, frightened, could stop the swing and put Maddie on the ground. She then fell to the ground and threw up.

"Oh my god!" said Meg in concern. "Maddie, sweetie, are you okay?"

"I'm…fine!" said Maddie, dizzy but cheerfully. "That was awesome! Let's do it again!"

"Better not" said Meg. "I'm going to the bathroom. Matt, keep an eye on Maddie"

"Okay, but be careful with the abandoned Robot factory conveniently placed near the women's bathroom" advised Maddie.

"What?" asked Meg, confused.

"Nevermind" said Maddie.

Moments later, Meg came back from the bathroom, but Matt has some bad news to tell her.

"You lost Maddie?" asked Meg, angered and stunned. "How could you?"

"I'll tell you how" said Matt. "That girl was really smart"

**Flashback**

"Hey Maddie, while Meg is in the bathroom, do you want to play with me?" asked Matt.

"Sure!" said Maddie. "Let's play hide and seek! You are 'it'!"

"Okay" said Matt as he closed his eyes and began to count. "One, two, three…"

Meanwhile, Maddie ran away from the park.

**End Flashback**

Back at the Griffin house, everybody is talking about what happened.

"I called the police" said Lois. "They said they're going to entrust their best cops with Maddie's search"

Meanwhile, at the Quahog local police station…

"Mike, a little girl got lost some hours ago. You'll look for her" said a cop.

"Sure, after I'm done with this crossword" said the cop called Mike nonchalantly "Let's see, four words, starts with f and ends with k, vulgar synonym of copulate…what can it be?"

Back at the Griffin house, Matt is putting on his leather jacket.

"Matt, where are you going?" asked Brian.

"I lost Maddie, and I'm going to find her." Said Matt with decision.

"I'm going with you" said Meg. "Maddie's still my daughter, even she didn't came out from my body"

Meg and Matt got on Matt's motorbike and speeded away.

Meanwhile, somewhere in east Quahog, Maddie is wandering through the streets, which were filled with junkies, possible smugglers, prostitutes, and drunken hobos lying on benches, while some gunshots and police sirens could be heard in the background.

"Okay…I must admit that come here to look for dad wasn't a good idea" said Maddie, scared of the unsafe street. She then is spotted by a couple of junkies dressed with dirty and ragged clothes.

"Loom at that" said one of junkies, pointing to Maddie. "It seems that it's our lucky day""

"Yeah" said the other one. "I know a lot of people who will pa a lot for a girl like her" said the other one as he rubbed her hands.

Hey, did you get lost, little girl?" asked one of the guys.

"Yes" said Maddie.

"Don't worry" said the other man. "Come with us. We will take you home"

"Really?" said Maddie in her ingenuity.

"Sure" said the other one as he was about to grab Maddie.

"Don't dare to touch that girl" said a defiant voice from backwards. The two junkies turned back and saw Matt and Meg.

"Maddie, come here!" said Meg.

"Mom…!" shouted Maddie with joy. "Thanks for wanting to aid me, but I don't need you guys anymore" said Maddie as she was about to leave, but she was grabbed by one of the junkies.

"Not so fast!" said the first junkie. "You're ours now!"

"Get your hands off of me, you creep!" shouted Maddie.

Matt then charged towards the junkie who was trying to grab Maddie and tackled him. But, unfortunately, he also was tackled by the remaining junkie. They began to fought in the floor, but Meg came in her husband's aid, and smashed a trashcan over the junkie's back, an helped Matt to stand up. The junkie attacked again, but Matt knocked him out with a roundhouse kick.

"Don't move" said the first junkie, who has a knife near Maddie's throat. "Dare to move, and I'll slit her throat!" threatened.

"Okay, we'll do whatever you want, but don't harm her!" begged Meg.

"Fine. Well, first of all-" was about to say the junkie, but he was interrupted by a gunshot. He then dropped his knife, and fell to the floor, dead. Maddie dashed towards Meg and clutched onto her.

"What happened…?" asked Meg in shock.

"I think that there's your answer" said Matt pointing forward.

In front of them stood a man with long blonde hair, a blonde goatee, who wore a green overshirt and a green beanie. He was holding a shotgun.

"You know, this isn't a very safe place to go for a walk, especially with kids" said the man.

"DAD!!" screamed Maddie as she rushed to the man. Yes, it's Zack.

"Dad? What are you talking about?" asked Zack.

"Excuse her" said Meg quickly, as she grabbed Maddie. "It's that…you look a lot like her dad" said Meg, who quickly began to understand.

"Anyway, I work on a 7-11 down the street. You should go there and call for a taxi" said Zack.

"Thanks…ummm" said Matt

"Zack. Zack Murdock" said Zack.

"Murdock…" repeated Matt to himself.

They all were to the 7-11. Matt was calling for a taxi while Zack and Meg are having a chat.

"So, this little girl is your daughter?" asked Zack. "But you're a kid! How old are you? 17?"

"18" corrected Meg. "It was a long story involving a…broken condom"

"I see" said Zack. "Well, I got my girlfriend knocked up when I was 18 too, two years ago. That freaking bitch ran away after our son was born, leaving me alone to raise him"

"I'm sorry to hear that" said Meg. "I couldn't imagine my husband doing that"

"You're a lucky girl" said Zack. "That guy seems to care a lot for you. And he's lucky to for have such a pretty and lovely wife like you" praised Zack, making Meg to blush a little.

"Hey, Meg, our taxi is here" announced Matt.

"Well, it's time for us to leave" said Meg. "Thanks again for helping us, Mr. Murdock" said Meg.

"Anytime" said Zack.

Matt, Meg and Maddie then got in the taxi.

"I'm a bit sorry for that Zack guy" said Meg. "It seems that life has been hard for him"

"I don't know why, but I have a feeling that things will go better for him form now on" said Matt.

Back in the 7-11, Zack is thinking about Meg. She was so beautiful…but she was taken, and she never would be her lover…al least in this universe.

"God, why do you hate me so much?" asked Zack to the sky. "Why did you make my life so miserable?"

"And now we go to the national lottery raw" said the TV. "The wining numbers are: 5, 8, 17, 24, 29 and 33"

"5…8…17…24..29…33…mine! it's MINE!" shouted Zack after looking his lottery ticket. "I'm rich! God, I love you!! Goodbye, f(beep)cking crappy job! Goodbye Quahog!! Cody, pack your things, we're leaving!!"

"To where?" asked Cody offscreen.

"How does Hawaii sound?" said Zack.

Back in the taxi…

"Hey, how did you know where I was?" asked Maddie.

"Well, you said something about your dad working on a 7-11 in east Quahog" said Meg.

"Why did you come for me? I'm not your daughter after all" said Maddie.

"I don't mind it" said Meg. "You know, even if you didn't came out from my body, I can feel a very strong bond between us"

"I was wrong" said Maddie.

"Huh?"

"When I said that you weren't like my real mom. I was wrong. You're exactly like her." said Maddie.

"I'm glad to hear that" smiled Meg. "Hey, Matt, you forgot about your motorbike!" said Meg.

"Don't worry, tomorrow I'll come back to get it. Fortunately, it has a cool car alarm.

Some random guy spots Matt's motorbike and try to steal it.

"Are you sure you want to do it?" said a digital voice from the motrobike. "You should know that Britney Spears used me before you…and used me in more ways than you may imagine"

"Ewwwww…!" said the man in disgust as he step backwards.

Moments later, they're in Stewie's room, where the gate opened for first time. Everybody is gathered there.

"Well, Maddie, time to go home" said Meg, who was almost crying.

"Goodbye, mom" said Maddie "Although I'm going to see you right now. Then she looked and Matt. "And you…after seeing how you fought against those guys…well, I'm still uneasy with the idea of my mom married with another man but…you're a cool guy, and it seems that mom loves you"

"Thanks" said Matt. "That's a lot coming from you"

Meg then opened the bottle, and the potion quickly evaporated in a cloud of smoke. The cloud then began to condensate, and in a bright flash of light (much to Peter's dismay) the dimensional gate was again opened.

"I don't know how much time will the door remain opened, but you must tell Rosie to cross it as fast as she can, okay?" said Meg.

"Don't worry, mom. Well, goodbye" said Maddie, before crossing the gate. Everybody was expecting Rosie to come out in any moment. After a couple of minutes, Rosie appeared in front of them.

"Mom?…dad?" asked Rosie.

"ROSIE!!" shouted in unison Matt and Meg, and they dashed to hug their daughter. "Oh, Rosie, we missed you so much" cried Meg.

"You're squishing me!" complained Rosie, trapped in her parents' grip.

"Come on Rosie, tell us all about those bastard's dirty linen!" said Peter.

"Peter, WE are those bastards!" said Lois angrily. "Rosie, we're so happy for you to be back with us!"

"Well, all's well what ends well" said Meg.

"Still, there's something that intrigues me" said Brian. "Will be other universes out there aside from this one and Maddie's?" asked Brian.

"Who knows" said Matt. "But I don't want to hear about parallel universes anymore"

Meanwhile, in other universe different from this one and Maddie's, we see the Griffin house. And inside the house, we see Brian sat on the couch. He's dressed with a businessman suit, decorated with some republican propaganda and a golden crucifix necklace around his neck. Next to him is Lois, dressed as usual. Brian then shivers.

"Brian, what's wrong?" asked Lois, worried.

"I don't know" said Brian. "But I have a weird feeling that, there's another Brian in another universe who is a liberal democrat atheist, instead of a conservative republican fundamentalist like me, and he's a failure as a novelist, instead of being a successful novelist like me, and worst of all, he isn't married with you, my dear love, like me. Instead of that he is the family dog"

"Oh, that's because you sleep too little" said Lois. "You work too much on your books" said Lois as she rubbed his shoulders.

"I know, darling, but I must do it" said Brian. "Otherwise, our life wouldn't be so wonderful"

"Yes" said Lois. "I'm going to get the dinner ready" said Lois as she stood up. "And don't forget to take Peter out for a walk!"

"Don't worry!" said Brian as he took a leash. "Peter, it's time for a walk!"

Peter rushed on all fours to Brian, panting like a dog. Peter was completely naked, except that he was wearing Brian's red collar, and for some weird reason, he behaved like a dog.

"I love my life" said the republican Brian as he and Peter went out for a walk.

**End Chapter**


	23. Happy green Christmas?

**Chapter 23: ****Happy…green Christmas?**

Is Christmas time, and it seems that everybody in Quahog is celebrating it, because everybody has decorated their houses with Christmas lights, Santa Clause dolls and many other Christmas stuff. We go now to the Quahog Mall, where Peter, Lois, Meg and Matt are buying all the presents for the family. Of course, they didn't say this to the kids (and Chris), because they still believe that a fat guy dressed in red who drives a flying sled breaks into everybody's houses and leaves some presents there, and they didn't want to destroy their innocence.

"Okay, this is the last" said Lois as she put a toy in the cart. "Three WWE action figures. I wonder why Stewie developed such an interest on wrestling"

"Well, it's just a kid, we shouldn't ask why, like why he's only interested in the figures of wrestlers who only wear boots and underwear" said Peter.

"Okay, Peter, go to wrap the presents please. Then go to donate this present to charity" said Lois as he gave her husband a wrapped box. "Men and I are going to buy food for tonight's dinner"

"Okay" said Peter as he was about to leave.

"Matt, I want you to go with him" said Lois, who was afraid that the incident of the last years' Christmas would happen again.

"Okay" said Matt. "Meg, what did you buy for Rosie?" asked Matt.

"A dollhouse" said Meg. "But I think that she's going to be a bit disappointed with it".

"What did she want?" asked Lois.

"A little sister" said Meg. "It keeps asking me for that since she met that Maddie girl"

"Yes, and she's determined to have one" said Matt.

**Flashback**

Rosie has stolen the spellbook, and she's now in her room.

"Here it is the cloning spell" said Rosie. "And here's the only ingredient I need: a bunch of Maddie's hairs"

She then cast the spell, and magically created a perfect replica of Maddie.

"Yes, I did it!" said Rosie triumphal. "Well, Maddie, welcome to your new family. I'm your sister Rosie. Do you want to play something?"

"Yes, I'd like to sing something together" replied Maddie.

"Fine. What do you want to sing?" asked Rosie.

"Surfing Bird!" said Maddie, as she began to sing. "A-well-a bird, bird, b-bird's the word! A-well-a bird, bird, bird, b-bird's the word! A-well-a bird, bird, bird, well the bird is the word! A-well-a bird, bird, b-bird's the word! A-well-a don't you know about the bird? Well, everybody knows that the bird is the word! A-well-a bird, bird, b-bird's the word A-well-a..."

Rosie's eyes began to wide in horror. She then grabbed a nearby chair and smashed it against her half-sister's head several times until she killed her.

"Okay…I guess that I must check that…" said Rosie, trembling and gasping.

**End Flashback**

**(****Sorry to Malcolm Fox for killing Maddie, I though it was a funny flashback. Besides, it was only a clone)**

"Poor kid" said Lois. "Well, you still have a lot of time for having more kids"

Meanwhile, at the Kennedy house, Rosie and Stewie are watching TV with Sophie.

"Hey, what are you going to ask for Christmas?" asked Sophie.

"A little sister!" said Rosie, excited. "But grandma keeps saying that Santa Claus is not a kidnapper…" said Rosie a bit disappointed. "What about you, Stewie?"

"Well, I guess that nothing" said Stewie. The girls looked at him in shock. "Why are you surprised? I have a great life and everything anybody could wish: a loving family, a warm place to live and sleep, three meals per day and a cool internet connection. I don't need anymore else. Besides, Christmas are about Family and love, not presents, and people seems to forget about that"

"Wow, that's very sweet" said Sophie.

"Indeed" said Rosie.

"HAHA! You're such a tools!" laughed Stewie. "Like hell I'm going to spend any Christmas without presents! I want a fighter jet, some warheads, a Metal Gear…"

"Which one?" asked Rosie. "Metal Gear 4?"

"I wasn't referring to the game. A Metal Gear is just what I need for killing once for all that vile woman and make this world to kneel before me!" shouted Stewie. "Oh, and WWE action figures, but only the ones which are half naked"

"Um, that's…nice" said Rosie. "What about you, Sophie?"

"My own TV with DVD player" said Sophie. "I'm sick that mom never let me to watch my cartoons because she want to watch those stupid soap operas"

"With a DVD player?" replied Stewie. "You know that the DVD is dead. You should ask it with a Blu-Ray player. But it's a good gift"

"Yeah, it would be great if I have a TV in my own room" said Rosie. "I also asked for it, but mom says that I cannot have one until I'm at least 15"

"I didn't ask to Lois, but since she's a bitch she won't let me to have a TV either" said Stewie.

"Yeah, I wonder why adults keep saying that kids shouldn't have our own TVs in our rooms" said Sophie.

**Cutaway**

We see some random little boy who has his own TV in his room. He then switches it on and begins to watch some cartoons.

"Hey, where am I?" asked the TV.

"You're in my room" replied the boy.

"So, I'm not in the living room where everybody can see me?" asked the TV.

"No" replied the boy.

"Excellent" said the TV in a very maniacal tone. "Now you're MINE!" said the TV before absorbing the little boy, trapping him inside. We can see the boy banging the screen, in a desperate attempt to break free.

"Scream whatever you want, nobody will hear you!" said the TV. "I muted the sound!"

**End Cutaway**

"Okay, kids, it's time to go" said Mrs. Lockhart as she switched off the TV. "The Griffins are waiting for us"

"Can we stop in a McDonalds on the way?" asked Sophie.

"Sophie, we're going to have dinner right now!" said Mrs. Lockhart

"I hate my new mom…" muttered Sophie.

Later, at the Griffin household, the Griffins, Kennedys and their guests are having a big Christams dinner. Along with the two families they also invited Jillian and Nathalie. Everybody noticed that Rosie was wolfing down her food.

"Rosie, please, stop eating like there's no tomorrow!" reproached Matt.

"God, look at her, it's like watching John Goodman eating" said Stewie in disgust.

"Yeah, you're ruining this placid Christmas dinner" said Peter, who was also wolfing down all his food. "Sometimes I wonder why did you have to inherit all the bad things of the family –Meg – and you couldn't be like Chris or me"

"Hey, look at me, I'm Mr. Potato!" said Chris who had several food poured across his face.

"Really?" said Jillian cheerfully, before pulling out his ear.

"AAAHHHHHH!!" screamed Chris as he began to run in circles, trying not to blood.

"You lied to me!" said Jillian, covered in blood. "You're not Mr. Potato, you're a tomato!!"

Rosie then drank all her soda in one gulp, and let out a noisy belch.

"Rose Mary Elizabeth Kennedy! What's wrong with you!?" said Meg, really annoyed.

"Yeah, you're totally ruining our dinner!" complained Peter. "I'm more disgusted that after what happened this morning!"

**Flashback**

Early in the morning, Meg, wearing a robe over her pajamas, walked into the kitchen, and saw his dad drinking some coffee. She opened the fridge and took an empty bottle.

"What happened to the milk in this bottle?" asked Meg.

"I used it for making coffee" said Peter.

"Dad! That was my milk!" complained Meg. "I was going to feed Rosie with it!"

"Well, I didn't see your name on it, hehehehehehe!" laughed Peter.

"Dad, you didn't understand me" said Meg. "That was _my _milk"

Peter just stared at Meg for a whole minute.

"You…you mean…mean that…OH MY GOD!!" shouted Peter as he rushed upstairs to the bathroom.

**End Flashback**

"I just cannot lose time here! Tonight Santa Claus will come here to deliver our presents, and I want to see him!" explained Rosie.

"Oh, Rosie…" said Mrs. Lockhart. "Santa Claus doesn't come if you are peeking on him"

"And what do you know, Big-busted grandma?" asked Rosie.

"Yeah, she's right" said Stewie. "I failed all the times over the years I tried to capture him and force him to give me all the presents"

"Over the years? When you tell us some anecdote of yours, I wonder why are you still 1 when you have lived more experiences than all of us put together, some even before you were born" said Sophie.

"Just let it stay" said Rosie. "It's just a mystery like why we can speak being so little or why Brian walks on his hind legs, is intelligent, can speak, but most of the dogs can't"

"Hey, what were we talking about, by the way?" said Sophie, a bit confused.

"I don't know…maybe about Peter…we were talking something about a fat man…" said Stewie. "Damn! I still have a baby attention span!"

"Kids, Santa only brings you presents while you're asleep" said Lois. "Good kids must be sleeping at night, and Santa only brings presents to good kids"

"Yeah, pay attention to your small-busted grandma, Rosie" said Peter. Lois then glared at him coldly at his statement.

"He comes here only when we're asleep?" asked Chris who had miraculously recovered from his injury. "God, Santa's a pedophile!"

After the dinner, everybody went back to their respective homes, and Meg and Lois put on bed the kids.

"Mom, I don't think that I can sleep tonight…I'm too nervous" said Rosie, as Meg wrapped her.

"Oh, don't worry you will" said Meg softly. "Do you want me to sing you a lullaby?"

"Okay" said Rosie.

Meg then cleared her throat.

_When the night has come_

_And you feel so alone_

_You have to know_

_There's someone with you_

_When I come in your sight_

_You'll suddenly smile_

_As a flash in the night_

_As a road of silver tiles_

_As long as I'm here_

_You don't have to fear_

_I'll be with you _

_And cradle you anew_

_Now close your eyes_

_And go to a beautiful place_

_Where all the sadness dies_

_Leaving no trace_

After this small musical number Rosie fell asleep.

"Awwww…look at her" said Meg as she looked at the cute view of her daughter sleeping

"I never get tired of looking her sleeping" said Matt, as he hugged Meg. "Moments like this make me feel the most fortunate man in the world"

"I know that sensation too…" said Meg as she hugged him back. "Come on, we should go to bed too"

Matt and Meg went to their room, leaving Rosie dreaming.

Hours later, late in the night, Rosie was awaken by some strange noise. Worried, climbed the way out of her crib and left her room. She heard that noise again. It came from her parents' room. It could be Santa Claus? Rosie had goosebumps just thinking of the idea of meeting Santa. Without thinking it twice, she entered in Meg's room.

"Where it is…?" asked a high pitched and creepy voice, in a very nervous tone.

"Santa Claus?" asked Rosie as she switched on the lights of the room. But whatever was there it wasn't Santa Claus.

"What the…?" asked the intruder.

The intruder was a slim and tall guy dressed as Santa Claus, but it wasn't Santa at all. In fact, he had green skin and a goblin like face. He was holding Meg's spellbook.

"Who are you!?" screamed Rosie.

Matt and Meg awoke with the lights and the noise.

"What happened?" asked Meg in shock.

"Who's that guy!?" pointed Matt to the green guy, who was no other than the Grinch himself.

"Mom, dad, he has the spellbook!" shouted Rosie.

"You're so fool, to think that in this day nobody would stole your Christmas and happily go away!" sang the Grinch as he escaped through the window.

"The spellbook!" shrieked Meg.

"Don't worry mom! I'll stop him!" said Rosie bravely before her eyes began to glow blue.

"Rosie, no…!" shouted Matt, but she just teleported away. "God, that was weirder

Meanwhile, in the roof, the Grinch is fleeing with his precious booty, but his escape was suddenly blocked off by Rosie.

"Stop, you green freak!" said Rosie.

"What the hell…?" said the Grinch. "How did you get there so fast?"

"That's no relevance" said Rosie. "Now give me back that book before I get angry!" threatened the kid.

"Sorry, but this book is my way to get rid of that old fat stupid oaf and end Christmas once for all!" shouted the Grinch.

"You want to get rid of grandpa?" asked Rosie, confused. "And what has that to do with Christmas?"

"Actually, I was referring to Santa Claus" said the Grinch. "Anyway, get of my way!"

"Okay, you asked for it!" said Rosie. Her eyes glow blue as she raised her hands. The snow from the roof began to levitate in form of snowballs, and Rosie used them as missiles to attack the Grinch. However, the Grinch dodged all without sweating.

"You have interesting abilities, kid, but you won't stop me, hahahahaha!" said the Grinch before throwing a smoke bomb.

"What the…?" coughed Rosie, trying to see where the Grinch was, but she couldn't find him.

"Rosie!!" shouted Meg, as she and Matt got in the roof. Meg rushed to her baby and hugged her. "Oh, Rosie, you're okay!"

"Sorry, mom, I couldn't retrieve the spellbook" said Rosie, a bit sad.

"HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!" laughed the Grinch from the sky in a flying sled, before disappear in the horizon.

"What the hell was that?" asked Matt.

"It was the Grinch!" said Rosie. "He said that he needed the book for dispatch Santa Claus and end the Christmas!"

"What?" said Matt and Meg in unison.

Moments later, everybody is woken up in the living room, talked about the incident.

"The Grinch?" asked Lois, confused. "Like that green creep from that Jim Carrey movie?"

"That's impossible!" said Brian. "The Grinch doesn't exist!"

"Some hours ago I'd agree with you, Brian" said Meg. "But I know what I saw"

"Besides, Mr. Swanson told us that he fought ten years ago against a guy that resembled the Grinch" said Chris. "Maybe it's the same guy".

"Anyway, Grinch or not, he took away the Spellbook!" said Meg. "We must take it back!"

"God, this is even worse than that time Peter messed up with Jeff hardy" said Matt.

**Flashback**

Peter and Lois are walking down the street, carrying some bags filled with some food.

"Peter, I'm a bit worried" said Lois.

"Yeah, me too" said Peter. "I couldn't get tickets for this month's KISS stock"

"Actually, I was meaning Jeff Hardy" said Lois. "You received lots of threatening letters recently. You shouldn't told that thing about his family on Armageddon"

"Bah, I don't fear that rainbow haired punk-queer. Honestly, I think that he's only…" said Peter, but he was interrupted.

"Hey, fatass look up!" said Jeff Hardy from above. Peter then looked up, and saw Jeff Hardy, who was falling, ready to deliver a powerful Swanton Bomb from the top of the building.

"Oooooooooooh fu-"

**End Flashback**

"But what are we going to do?" asked Brian. "We don't even know where to search him"

"That's easy!" said Rosie. "He said that he wanted to beat Santa Claus, so he must be in the North Pole!"

"In the North Pole?" said Lois. "You can't be serious!"

"Hey, look at the bright side, Lois, you were always pestering us to go on a family trip" said Stewie dryly.

"So, it's decided then, to the North Pole!" said Peter cheered, as he stood up in a very theatrical pose.

"Peter, we haven't-" tried to say Lois.

"I said TO THE NORTH POLE!!" shouted Peter angered. "Lois, you know that it bugs me a lot when you're trying to advise me from taking dangerous and incredibly stupid decisions!"

"And how are we going to get there?" asked Chris.

"That's a very stupid question, Chris" said Peter.

"Sorry, dad, sometimes I forget that I'm a bit dumb" said Chris.

"Anyway, how are we going to get there?" asked Peter.

"Good question" said Chris.

"Peter, you still have that boat, haven't you?" asked Lois. "We could go by sea"

"By sea?" asked Peter. "Lois, you're such a naïve, we can't travel such a long distance by sea…I know! We will take my ship and sail to the North Pole by sea!"

"Peter, that's just what-"

"I know Lois" interrupted Peter. "I really had an excellent idea"

Lois rolled her eyes in annoyance.

"Let's pack our things…again" said Lois.

Some days later, the Griffins, dressed with thick coats, scarves and wool hats, are once again, setting sail on for a wacky and stupid adventure. Peter's ship is now on the high seas. A cold wind is blowing, and huge waves are hitting the ship. Peter was at the rudder, conducting the ship through the dangerous Northern Sea.

"Peter, are you sure you know where are you going?" said Lois worried, who was at his side.

"Sure. Remember that I'm a skillful sailor, just like my ancestor Guybrush Griffin" said Peter proudly.

**Flashback**

Guybrush Griffin, a guy dressed as Guybrush Threepwood, except that he looks like Peter, is in Puerto Pollo, a pirate city in some unknown Caribbean land, is talking with his lover Governor Elaine Pewterschmidt, which looks a lot like Lois dressed as a pirate.

"Oh, Guybrush, do you think that, now that you have defeated LeChuck for 57th time, we can live happily?" said Elaine.

"Oh, sure we will, my love" said Guybrush. "The days in which that maniac kidnapped you and I have to gather a crew of incompetent sailors, steal a crappy ship and fight against hordes of skeletons, zombies and other aberrations are over, now we- AACK!" shouted Guybrush, after being tackled by…El Pollo Diablo!!*

(*Translation: The Devil Chicken)

Guybrush and El Pollo Diablo began to fight through the whole city of Puerto Pollo, wreaking it in the process.

**End Flashback**

"Hey, I can see birds!" shouted Chris. "I hear that if you see birds, that means that you're near the shore!"

"Let me see!" said Matt, who was also looking at the sky. "I can't see anything…what kind of bird did you saw? Seagulls? "

"No, penguins" said Chris.

"Chris, there's two wrong things about that" said Matt tediously. "First, penguins live only in the South Pole, and second, penguins CAN'T FLY"

"Oh really?" challenged Chris. "Tell me what's that then" said Chris pointing to the sky.

Matt saw in amazement a Zeppelin full of penguins, who were reading magazines, drinking booze and doing other stuff.

"Oh, Richard, look at that" said a Penguin in a extremely snob accent. "Look a those poor people in their poor ship"

"Yes, Wilfred, it's really pathetic" replied the other penguin.

"Hey, how long it's the North Pole?" asked Chris.

"Oh my God, that fat thing is talking to me!" said another penguin. "Anyway, I'll answer, I don't want to be rude. The North Pole is 300 miles in that direction" said the penguin as he pointed to the northeast with his wing.

"Thanks!" said Chris.

"Captain, speed up, please, I don't want to be near that rabble" said another penguin, as the Zeppelin speeded away.

Hours later, thanks to the snobbish penguins' indications, the family finally arrived to the North Pole. Stewie and Rosie are being held by their mothers in backpack baby carriers

"So, here we are" said Meg. "Any clue of where that green maniac may be?"

"Let me concentrate" said Rosie, as she closed her eyes and put her hands on the sides of her head, trying to feel any magic force. Her whole body glowed blue.

"Do you feel anything?" asked Brian.

"Yes!" shouted Rosie. "I feel a very powerful magic field in that direction!" said Rosie.

For several hours, the whole family traveled across the frozen surface of the Arctic, suffering from the cold, the wind, the snow, and the wild animals.

"We're near!" said Rosie. "I can feel it"

"I hope that you're right, sweetie, because my back really hurts" complained Meg.

"Look!" said Rosie.

"Oh my God!" said Meg in amazement, as she and the rest of the family looked to the front.

In front of them there was a large factory-like building, with lots of lights, candy canes, snowmen and other Christmas decoration. However, it seemed to be ravaged, as many of its windows were broken, some parts of the factory were on fire and another parts were destroyed.

"I see it, but I can believe it" said Brian. "It's…it's…it's Santa Claus' Toy factory!?" said Brian in shock.

"But it seems that somebody attacked it…" pointed Chris.

"I'll bet my powers that some green guy who stole our book is after this. Let's go in!" said Rosie.

The door, as expected, was opened. What appeared to be a busy workshop, was now completely empty. Also, all the machinery was wrecked and destroyed, and some small fires were set across the floor.

"My god, this is depressing…" muttered Lois.

"Meg, I hope that you're happy" said Peter. "Thanks to your lust for having a spellbook for dinner, now a green weirdo just stole the Christmas"

"Me!? It was YOU who bought it from a pawn store!!" shouted Meg.

"Please, this is not time for stupid discussions!" said Lois, settling their argue.

"Hey, what's that?" said Stewie, who has seen something in the dark.

"What is it, sweetie?" asked Lois.

"There! I saw something moving there!" said Stewie.

"Oh, I'm sure it was nothing" said Lois softly. "This place is abandoned"

"Are you calling me a liar, you damn cheap whore!?" shouted Stewie.

"Oh, poor Stewie, something, probably in his imagination, scared him" laughed Peter. "Don't worry, daddy will look for it for you" said Peter as he was going to look to the place Stewie pointed. "See, there's noth-AAAAAAGHHH!" shouted Peter after something white attacked him to the face, just like that raccoon from 'To Love and Die in Dixie'.

"Peter!" shouted Lois.

"Get it out of me! Get it our of me!" shoute Peter as he began to run in circles.

Lois grabbed a nearby iron pole and hit with it to the white little man.

"Ow, ow, ow, STOP!" shouted the white little man, after leaving Peter. "What are you doing here? Are you with the Grinch?"

"Oh my god…it's a talking snowman!" said Meg in amazement.

"Don't worry, little snowman" said Rosie softly. "We're not going to harm you"

"It's nice to hear that. Sorry for attacking you, I though that you were the Grinch's minions. Oh, and my name is Frosty, by the way" said the snowman, who was as tall as Brian, had a carrot for nose, two buttons for eyes, a zip for mouth, wore a black top hat and a green scarf. He was made of three snowballs, and two snow arms grew from the middle ball.

"Nice to meet you, Frosty" said Rosie. "We came here after the Grinch stole our spellbook"

"So, that cursed book the Grinch used to take this place down is yours?" asked Frosty in shock.

"We're sorry for everything that may happen here" said Meg. "But if we take back our book, we could rebuild this place"

"That would be awesome" said Frosty. "But it's going to be hard. The Grinch locked Santa it's forcing his helpers to make toys for him. I was lucky to escape"

"That's terrible!" said Rosie, horrified.

"Yeah, that green bastard stole my idea!" said Stewie.

" Don't worry, we will retrieve the book and resotre this place back to normal" said Peter. "Anyway, where's that Grinch so I can beat the crap out of him?"

"I guess that he's at Santa's office, but you should know that…" was about to say Frosty.

"That's all what I need!" said Peter as he rushed to a nearby door.

"Peter wait!" called Lois.

But it was too late. When Peter opened the door, an alarm went off, and red lights and the sounds of noisy sirens filled the whole place. Suddenly, the entire family was teleported to a glass cage. The Grinch was in front of them, with an evil grin on his face.

"Oh, look what's in my trap, some little mice, and they're gonna die cut into slices!" laughed the Grinch.

"Oh, will you stop with the F(beep!) rhymes!?" said Stewie, pissed. "Who do you think you are, 50 Cent?"

"What's wrong with my rhymes?" said the Grinch.

"What the hell happened?" asked Peter.

"That's why I tried to tell you" said Frosty. "The Grinch set up a security system using that cursed book"

"That's right! And you fell for it!" laughed the Grinch.

"Ha! Do you think that a simple glass can stop me?" teased Rosie, as her eyes glowed. She then dashed to the glass in attempt to phase through it, but instead of that she hit against the glass.

"Oh, did I mention that that glass is magicproof?" mocked the Grinch. "Forget any hopes of leaving and trying to crush my plans to end Christmas and keep all the presents for myself!I'll come back when you'll run out of air" said the Grinch before leaving.

"Perfect, we are trapped in a non-aired magicproof glass cage, and we will die of suffocation soon" said Brian dryly. "Any ideas?"

"Of course!" said Peter. "We will wait until something happens so we can break free" said Peter.

"You mean to expect the author to rely on a deux ex Machina again?" asked Meg. "I won't count it"

"So, do you have a better plan?" challenged Peter.

"No, but let me think…" said Meg, as she began to think in something. "I got it! Matt, remember the ring you gave me short before we got married?"

"Yes, what about it?" asked Matt.

"It's a true diamond on it?" asked Meg.

"Meg!" said Lois angrily. "Do you think this is the best moment to talk about that?"

"I don't know, but I think that it's a real one. Why did you ask?" said Matt.

"Just wait and see" said Meg as she removed the gloves from her hands, and used the diamond in her wedding ring to open a hole in the glass.

"Meg, you're a genius!" said Brian with joy.

"And you didn't rely on a deux ex machine!" said Chris.

"Yeah. Stewie, why didn't you think in something like that? And you call yourself a baby genius" said Rosie with a bit of disdain as she turned to Stewie.

"Hey, it wasn't my fault, okay?" said Stewie, pissed. "Since season 4, the writers decided to turn me from a witty and funny evil baby genius into an unfunny quasi-homosexual baby who wants to shag a dog for the sake of the gay jokes, so blame them for ruining my character"

"Enough with the chitchat, let's get out of here!" said Lois.

"Come on, follow me!" said Frosty, as he lead the family through the hallways, until they reached a big wood double door. "Behind this door is the main toy workshop. Santa's helpers are working without a break making toys for the Grinch. I guess that he'll be here, supervising the work".

"Okay, the Grinch thinks that we're in the glass cage, so we have the surprise factor, so let's think in a plan and…" said Brian before being interrupted.

"That's not necessary! I'll go there and…" said Peter before opening the door and burst into the workshop. All the elves and the Grinch looked at him in surprise.

"What the hell? How did you manage to escape?" said the Grinch.

"Because I got an idea of using the diamond of my wedding ring to open a hole in the cage!" said Peter proudly.

"Dad! That was MY idea!" said Meg, pissed.

"YOUR idea?" chuckled Peter. "Come on Meg, don't make me laugh. Everybody knows that you're the stupidest of the family"

"Peter, it was Meg's idea" said Lois. "Besides, you lost your wedding ring in our last vacation trip"

**Flashback**

The entire family is on a glass-floored boat, looking at the wild sea fauna.

"And now we've reached waters inhabited by sharks" said the guide. "it's very important that you don't get too close to the egde of the boat because…sir, what the hell are you doing?" said the guide to Peter.

Peter had the full arm underwater, trying to catch something.

"Hey, Lois, if I can caught a good tasty fish, we don't have to buy anything for the dinner" said Peter happily. Peter then bring the arm out of the water. "Oh, it seems that I lost my wedding ring. Thanks goodness those sharks didn't eat my arm"

**End Flashback**

"Guards! Get them!" shouted the Grinch, and a bunch of robots armed with polearms surrounded the family.

"Nice one, fatass" said Meg. "We're trapped…again"

"God, now we REALLY need a miracle" said Chris.

However, Chris' words turned to be prophetic, because Joe burst in the place breaking through the ceiling, crushing the robots in his fall.

"What the…..you!!" shouted the Grinch.

"Yes, you bastard! It's time for my vengeance!" said Joe.

"I don't think so" said the Grinch, as he pulled out the spellbook. "With this book…!"

But Joe, surprisingly cast an array of lightning that shocked the Grinch and made him to toss the book.

"I've waited long time for this moment, my little green friend" said Joe in a creepy, old voice. He then cleared his throat and spat phlegm. "Sorry, I chocked on that" said in his normal voice. "Now get your ass ready to be kicked!!" shouted Joe in a very unfortunate choice of words.

"Joe, how did you do that?" asked Peter in amazement.

"Because I've been rubbing my hands on a wool sweater for a whole week. I've been ten years waiting for this moment. Now, LET'S BRING THE PAIN ON!!!" foamed Joe as he charged against the Grinch, and engaged into a brutal fight similar to the fights of Peter vs the Chicken.

"Okay, it's our chance!" said Matt. "Grab the book"

"Not so fast!" said the Grinch. "Guards, stop them!"

More guards arrived, and charged against the Griffins.

Rosie then teleported near the book, but a nearby guard prevented her from taking it, and delivered a deadly swing at the red haired baby. However, Rosie was agile enough for dodge it.

"Leave my niece alone!" shouted Stewie before firing his raygun at the robot, destroying him.

"Thanks, Stewie!" said Rosie before grabbing the book. "Mom, I've got it!"

"No!" shouted the Grinch, who was about to rush to her, but he was tackled by Joe.

"Not so fast. You're fighting against ME" said Joe in a very menacing tone.

"Do you think that you've won, don't you?" said the Grinch.

Then Grinch then shoved Joe away, pulled a knife, grabbed one of Santa's elves and put the knife on his throat.

"Now give me back that book or this midget will die!" shouted the Grinch.

Suddenly, a deafening gunshot was heard. The Grinch dropped the knife, and fell to the ground motionless.

"What the hell happened?" asked Peter.

"I guess that there's the answer" said Lois, pointing to some fat figure behind the Grinch.

There stood no other than Santa Claus himself, holding a shotgun. Frosty was with him.

"Yeah, while you were busy beating the crap out of each other, I freed him"

"I don't now, but I have a déjà vu of this" said Meg.

"Big time" said Matt.

"So, it's everybody alright?" asked Santa

Everybody nodded in response.

Moments later, in another room, The Griffins, the Kennedys and Joe are being greeted by Santa and his helpers.

"Thank you so much. You saved the Christmas, and more important, you saved the illusions that millions of kids have in this place and me" said Santa.

"It was a pleasure, besides, I had a pending issue with that green bastard" said Joe.

"You're welcome" said Lois. "But it's too bad that we can't get back at home in time for Christmas" said Lois sadly.

"Don't worry, you can use my Christmas Galactic Portal" said Santa, and pointed to what appeared to be a Stargate with Christmas decoration. "It will teleport you to your home. I'll bring your ship back to you later"

"That's only a Stargate with Christmas decoration!" said Chris.

"I'll bring you a kitty plushy if you shut up" said Santa.

"Deal"

"Everybody will get really nice presents for Christmas, in compensation for your efforts. Now, cross the Christmas Portal" said Santa before activating it.

"So, Santa, are you saying that we will get what we really want for Christmas?" asked Rosie.

"Rosie, I know that you want a little sister, but that's beyond my power. But don't worry, you'll receive a very special Christmas, one that you will enjoy as far as a sister" said Santa. "Now, you should get back at home" said Santa.

"Wait, can I ask you one last question?" asked Rosie.

"Okay, go ahead"

"What do you do the rest of the year?" asked Rosie.

"I'm an actor under the name of Ian Mckellen" said Santa.

"Really? So, you have a job as a celebrity the rest of the year?" asked Rosie in amazement.

"Sure I do, and so do my helpers. Look, that over there is Verne Troyer, that is Gary Coleman and that blonde elf over there is the WWE superstar Hornswoggle" said Santa.

"Oh…well, I get better back at home" said Rosie, before crossing the portal.

The next morning, everybody is opening the presents that Santa brought them.

"This was the most exciting Christmas ever!" said Peter. "We saw Joe kicking a green ass!"

Meg then noticed that her daughter was a bit sad.

"Rosie, what's wrong?" asked Meg "You met Santa and we got back the spellbook. What's the matter?"

"It's…nothing" lied Rosie.

"It's because you want a little sister?" asked Meg. "Come on Rosie, Matt and I are still teenagers. We have plenty of time to have more kids, so don't be so sad. It's Christmas!"

"Yes, you're right" said Rosie, more upbeat.

"Come on, open your present" said Lois.

Rosie unwrapped a big box with her name on it. She opened it and…

"Well, Rosie, what did Santa bring you?" asked Matt

"I…don't know" said Rosie in confusion.

"What? Let me see that!" said Matt as he took the box. Everybody looked at his content.

Inside the box, which was full of straw, there lied Rosie's present.

It was an egg.

**End Chapter.**

**A/N: sorry for the lateness of this chapter. I've been a bit busy with the college, had some family issues, and I have some writers block. However, I was able to finish this Christmas Chapter before the deadline. I'd love to see lots of reviews, this chapter took me a while to write it, and I think that all the time was worth of it. Oh, and Merry Christmas to everybody!!**


	24. Rosie's Eggventure

**Chapter ****24: Rosie's Egg-venture**

**A/N: First chapter of the year. First of all, this chapter is very very very very long. Also, this chapter may be the last thing I wrote for a while, because I'll start with exams soon, and I won't be able to write as much as I 'd wish, but don't worry, I'll continue this story once I'm done with the exams. Thanks to Windgoddess Rune for the idea of Rosie having her own 'special' pet (which is inside the egg, by now, but you'll see it soon). **

**Did you like the pun I did with the title? Me neither!**

Everybody was surprised with the odd present that Santa delivered to Rosie for saving Christmas. It was an egg, but not a normal one: it had the size of a small melon.

"What the hell is this?" asked Rosie in confusion.

"Don't you see it? It's an egg!" said Peter. "Geez, this kid is really dumb"

"We already know that" said Meg annoyed with her dad's attitude.

"I've never seen something like this before" said Matt, as he took a closer sight of the egg.

"And what the hell I'm supposed to do?" asked Rosie. "Sit on it until hatches?"

"That leads to another question: What's inside the egg?" said Brian. "Because I'd bet all my pot that there isn't a chicken inside. And I also bet that it's dangerous"

"So, what are we going to do with it?" asked Lois.

"Santa told me that I'll enjoy this present as much as having a little sister" commented Rosie. "Maybe it's a pet"

"But we already have a pet" said Lois. "We have Brian. And this is not a pet. It's only an egg. And we don't know what to do to hatch"

"Hatch?" asked Matt. "That's the same as born, right? Then I know somebody who maybe can help us. LIFE!!"

A flash of white, silver light filled the whole room, and Life appeared from it.

"Did somebody call me?" said Life. "Oh, the Griffins. We didn't see since Meg's labor. And I guess that this lovely little girl is Rosie" said Life with a giggle as she held her in arms.

"Yes, we did" said Matt. "We have a problem that you may solve"

"What is it?"

"Santa brought me this" said Rosie as she handed Life the box with the egg on it. "Do you know what is it?"

"Oh my…!" said Life in surprise. "It has been long time since the last time I saw something like this…"

"Will you stop increasing our already big excitement and tell us WHAT THE HELL IS THAT!?" said Stewie.

"Mmmmmm…no" said Life, and she saw everybody going nuts for what she said. "I'm going to let you discover what it is" said Life with a little grin.

"God, I really hate that woman…I don't know how Death can stand her" muttered Stewie.

"Me neither" said Death offscreen.

"I HEAR THAT!" shouted Life. "Anyway, you said Santa Claus brought it to you? Well, you only need to touch it"

"What?" said Rosie.

"Just touch it" said Life.

Rosie touched the egg, and she got a shock.

"Ow!" said Rosie, before quickly sucking his finger. "What was that?"

"Because that egg needs a magic boost in order to hatch" explained Life. "The egg will take some time to hatch, so be patient. Well, that's all you need to know. Farewell!" said Life as she disappeared in a flash of white light.

"So, that's it?" asked Meg.

"God, that was more disappointing than that time Barbossa tried to break the undead pirate curse" said Peter.

**Flashback**

In Isla de Muerta, Barbossa and his crew had gathered all the cursed Aztec gold in its original chest, and now they only need the blood of Will "Bootstrap" Turner.

"At last!" said Barbossa. "We finally gathered all the cursed gold coins, and we dropped our blood except one pirate, Bootstrap Turner!"

The crew began to mutter.

"But I have good news! I've learned that Turner has a son, and I got it!" shouted Barbossa, and his crew cheered up. "Bring Turner's son here, so we can finish this!"

Two pirate henchmen walked to Barbossa holding…Timmy Turner.

"Please, you're doing a mistake!" shouted Timmy. "I'm not _that _Turner!"

"Ha! Like you can fool us!" said a random pirate.

"Cosmo! Wanda! Where are you? Save me!" cried Timmy.

Meanwhile, in Isla Tortuga, Cosmo and Wanda are totally drunk, in a drinking contest against other pirates.

"I have this weird feeling that we're forgetting about something" said Wanda.

**End Flashback**

Meanwhile, in some odd dimension between the world of the livings and the afterlife, Lorraine and Jeanne are bored stiff.

"God, I hate this place, all the things here are void and strange flashes of light" moaned Lorraine. "Do you think that Miriam will revive us soon?"

"Trust our sister" said Jeanne, pretty confident. "She's powerful and intelligent. And she told me that she had a plan for come back to life"

Suddenly, Miriam appeared in front of them.

"Hi sis" said Jeanne. "How was it?"

"What do you think, dumbass?" said Miriam pretty upset. "God, I can believe that I was beaten by two 1 year old little girls…" muttered.

"So, what are we going to do?" asked Lorraine. "We can't be here forever!"

"It seems that we must think in something" said Jeanne. "However, since I possessed that Jillian girl my intellect has been greatly reduced"

Suddenly, Miriam shut up and stood there totally motionless.

"Miriam?" asked Jeanne.

"Are you okay?" asked Lorraine.

"Shut up!" commanded Miriam. "Don't you feel it?"

"Feel what?" asked Jeanne.

"A powerful energy source has been activated…and its energy is the same as us!" said Miriam, cheered.

"Have you located it?" asked Lorraine.

"Yes! It comes from the Griffin house!" said Miriam.

"It's our book?" asked Jeanne.

"No, it's something…different" said Miriam. "Fortunately, the Griffin house was impregnated with the spellbook's magical energy, so we can go there. Let's go! That may be our chance to come to life again!"

And thus this, the three witches teleported to the Griffin house, ready to carry out Miriam's plan…

The very next day, Rosie and Stewie were happily watching TV on the living room, unknown to them that today, their parents had planned something very special for them. Something that almost every toddler feared. Something that, somehow, let the kids to discover the adult's cruelty. But now, some filler, um, I mean, cutaway, that I've been long time preparing.

**Cutaway to TV**

(A/N: It's a movie commercial, italic is the narrator)

We see some Near East medieval like city, with its inhabitants, buildings, shops, guards, etc…and we see a figure jumping from roof to roof.

_The monarchs of Persia were the most powerful kings of a great empire that extended across a whole continent…_

Now we see some princess being kidnapped by some bad guys dressed with back Arabic clothes, wielding scimitars.

_But what can a King do when somebody steal his most precious treasure?_

The image switches again to the mysterious figure jumping from roof to roof, except that this time the camera is closer to him/her.

_The power of a King is greatly eclipsed by the power of a warrior, the power of a hero, the power of an adventurer, the power of somebody who doesn't fear death…_

We see the mysterious guy, in the top of a tower beating up some bad guys. After he's done with it, he approaches the captive princess.

_The power of…_

"Girl, if God created something anything more beautiful than you, I really hope that he kept it for himself" praised the man to the princess, ruining the awesome climax.

_Will Smith…_

Then the camera switches to some random action scenes mixed with other scenes of Will acting like an idiot, in front of females.

…_starring in one of the probably lamest crossovers of the story of cinema (even worse than Alien vs Predator 2)…_

More random scenes of the movie…

_He is…_

"Um..You a little freaky-deeky ain't you?" said Will to a huge monster.

…_the Fresh Prince of Persia. _

_Coming soon…_

**End Cutaway**

"My god, what the hell was that?" asked Stewie, disgusted.

"It seems that Will Smith is lowering his standards, which is sad" commented Rosie. "I can believe that he's now doing this crap"

"Big time" said Stewie.

Both toddlers stood there for some seconds.

"Wanna go to watch it?" asked Rosie.

"Sure!" replied Stewie.

It was almost time. Lois then walked in the living room and switched off the TV.

"Hey, we were watching that!" complained Rosie.

"You damn vile woman! I demand the reason of this blatant abuse of authority!" shouted Stewie really angered.

"You can watch TV later" said Lois, who was about to drop the bomb. "It's time for you to bath"

Both kids stood there, frozen in shock and looked at Lois with their jaws dropped.

"What!?" said Stewie and Rosie in unison.

"It has been three days since the last time you got a bath, and now you're starting to smell really bad, so be good kids and…" was saying Lois, but she was interrupted by Peter, who just entered in the living room.

"Geez, Lois, if you feel so lonely, why you don't get some new friends?" asked Peter.

"What the hell are you talking about?" asked Lois, confused. The camera then zoomed out, to reveal that Lois was speaking alone. Rosie and Stewie weren't there anymore. "DAMN!"

Peter then frowned.

"Lois, you're acting even weirder than Quagmire in full moon nights" said Peter.

**Flashback**

Quagmire is having sex with some random woman (A/N: I have the feeling that all my Quagmire flashbacks are just the same).

"Oh, Glenn, you were awesome" said the woman, as she rubbed Quagmire's chest with her finger. "Can we repeat it?"

"Sure we can! I've always said that twice the Quagmire, double the fun! Giggity giggity goo!"

"Look at the sky, it's so romantic" said the woman, who was looking at the night sky through the open window. "The stars, the full moon…"

"What!?" did you said full moon?" asked Quagmire, shocked. His teeth began to grow.

"Yes why-?" but she couldn't finish her sentence, because Quagmire was almost kicking her from his house. "Glenn! What's wrong?"

"It's something personal!" said Quagmire. "But you must go now! I call you tomorrow!" lied Quagmire, who was growing hair around his whole body.

"But Gelnn!" complained the woman, but Quagmire left her outside with her clothes and closed the door. "Fine…" muttered the woman angrily, as she walked away.

"AAAAAAWWWWWWWW, giggity giggity!" howled Quagmire, like a wolf. "AAAAAAWWWWWWWW, giggity giggity!"

**End Flashback**

Stewie and Rosie were in the back lawn, close to the house's walls.

"God, it was so near" said Stewie, still trembling. "Good one, Rosie. You were really quick"

"We need to think in something fast…I'm sure that they're looking for us right now" said Rosie.

In that moment, Brian appeared there, and looked at the kids with a vacant expression.

"Brian!" shouted Rosie.

"Oh, Brian, my dear friend and partner, you will help us to skip that horrible torture called bath, won't you?" begged Stewie.

"Lois! Meg! They're right here!" shouted Brian.

"Crap! Run!" shouted Rosie.

"You damn backstabber!" said Stewie, pissed. "You'll pay for this!!"

Stewie and Rosie rushed outside the lawn and they penetrated inside Quagmire's house, specifically, the basement.

"Okay, it will take some time until they find out that we're here" said Rosie, who was still gasping for air. "This is the plan: we buy some passages to Canada, and hide there until they forget about the bath"

"Canada?" asked Stewie. "Are you serious? I mean, now that I think about it, it's only a bath, and we're taking this too far…"

"Fine. Enjoy your bath!" said Rosie before teleporting to another place, leaving Stewie to his own fate.

"Hey! I mad up my mind! Don't leave me alone!!" cried Stewie.

The camera was still focused on the basement.

"Oh, Glenn, you didn't tell me that you had kids!" said the sweet voice of some random woman offscreen.

"Kids? What the hell are you talking…?" asked Quagmire offscreen before noticing the two toddlers looking at him. "Uh…hi kids"

Meanwhile, inside the house…

"Okay, everything is clear" said Lorraine, as she and the other witches appeared inside the house.

"Quickly, upstairs!" commanded Miriam, and the three ghost witches flied upstairs, and following the eldest witch's path, they entered in Rosie's room. "There it is!" said Miriam, pointing to the egg.

"Oh my god…it's…it's…" stammered Jeanne.

"Yes, my dear sister. It's exactly what you're thinking…if you're still able to think anything" said Miriam.

Lorraine then turned to the readers.

"No, we're not going to say what is it, so screw you, people!" said Lorraine with an evil grin.

"Okay, sisters, let's held our hands in a circle towards the egg" said Miriam with solemnity. Her sisters obeyed. "Ancient powers of magic, darkness and chaos, hear our pray, let this egg to be the catalyst of a new form, a new life. Make us of flesh and bones again!"

The egg then began to glow with a warm and golden shine, irradiating pure energy, like a diminutive sun. A huge flash of red light filled the room, but this time it wasn't of the knockbacking, glass shattering class. After it, Miriam, Lorraine and Jeanne were no longer ghosts.

"We did it!" said Miriam with joy. "We're alive again!"

"Hey, those aren't our bodies!" pointed Lorraine.

"What?" asked Miriam, confused. Then she noticed that Lorraine had a body identical to Lois(except that her hair was black instead of red), and Jeanne had a body identical to Jillian, except that her hair was white with black streaks. She then looked at herself in a mirror and saw that she had Meg's body, but her hair was styled the same way than the time she possessed her.

"Did we return to the bodies we possessed last time?" asked Jeanne.

"No" said Miriam. "But I guess that the possession of those bodies affected us in some way. Anyway, this may not be our true bodies, but they will work. Now let's begin phase two"

"I can see the Griffins outside" said Lorraine, who was peeking through the window.

"Excellent" said Miriam. "We will take our book with us. We will also take this egg. The beast sleeping inside it will help us in the future. Now, let's look for my book!" commanded again.

Meanwhile, in the back lawn, Lois and Meg are bathing their respective babies in a big washbasin, while the rest of the family was watching.

"See? Bathing is not that bad" said Lois sweetly, as she rubbed a sponge against Stewie's body. "You'll feel clean and fresh after it"

"I don't know why you always have to make such a mess to avoid it" said Meg, who was washing Rosie's hair. "Rosie, I want you to apologize to your father later"

"Why?" said Rosie, covered in lather.

"Because you used your powers to throw trashcans at him, that's why!" said Meg angrily.

"He asked for it!" said Rosie, pissed, as she frowned and looked away.

"God, that kid has a really good aim" complained Matt, as he rubbed his injured arm. "And a really bad temper too! I wonder from who inherit it"

Meg then glared at her husband coldly.

"Point proven" chuckled Peter.

"And why are you bathing us here, where everybody can see us?" complained Stewie. "GET OUT, YOU OLD FAG!" shouted Stewie to Herbert, who was peeking him through his house.

"Oh, don't be ashamed of it" said Matt. "It's a sunny day and people will love to see two cute babies…I stand correct, a cute baby and a funny looking baby"

"HA!" laughed Stewie. "Your own dad thinks that I'm cuter than you and that you're funny looking! How does it feel?" teased Stewie to Rosie. Rosie simply rolled her eyes in annoyance and muttered something inaudible.

Suddenly, they heard a really loud noise inside the house.

"What was that?" asked Lois, worried.

"Stupid Brian" said Peter. "He must be messing with the garbage again"

"Dad, Brian it's just here" said Meg.

"Maybe it's the evil monkey, who's taking over the house" said Chris with fear, but nobody paid attention to his comment as usual.

"Maybe we have robbers!" said Lois, each time worried. "Peter, Matt, I want you to look inside the house. I'll call Joe"

"Matt, be careful" said Meg with a bit of sadness.

"Daddy, let me go with you!" begged Rosie.

"My brave little girl" chuckled Matt "Don't worry, honey, if there's a thief there, he'll regret of coming here" said Matt as he rubbed her daughter's hair softly.

Meanwhile, inside the house, the three witches are arguing.

"Oh, look what you've done, you dumbass!" said Lorraine to Jeanne, who had tossed (and broke) a lamp.

"Hey, I only wanted to know how this strange artefact works!" replied Jeanne. "It's no big deal"

"God, no doubt why Miriam trusted me the egg" said Lorraine.

"Sisters, I have the book!" said Miriam as he walked downstairs, carrying the spellbook. "Let's get out of here"

Suddenly, Peter and Matt walked in the living room. The witches stared at them for some seconds.

"Oh, it was only a black haired Meg, a black haired Lois and Brian's stupid but awfully hot girlfriend" said Peter nonchalantly. "Hey, I though that you were outside washing your kids"

"Oh, hi, big man" said Lorraine s she blushed.

"What the hell?" asked Matt, before realizing what was happening there. "GET DOWN!" shouted Matt as he tackled Peter to the ground, before a lightning cast by Miriam could hit them.

"Sisters, kill them!" shouted Miriam.

"I could recognize that lousy French accent anywhere! It's Miriam!" said Matt.

"Holy crap! Let's get out of here!" said Peter, as he and Matt ran away.

"Get them!" commanded Miriam.

Peter and Matt quickly ran to the back lawn, where the rest of the family was still there. Stewie and Rosie had finished their bath, and they're now dried and fully dressed. Joe was also with them.

"Peter! Matt!" shouted Lois. "We hear some shouts! It was a burglar?"

"Even worse!" said Matt, who bent over, gasping for air. "It was…"

"GRIFFINS!" boomed a dark voice.

"Oh, no, it's Miriam and her sisters!" said Meg in horror. "Wait, why they have our bodies?"

"What the hell is that?" asked Joe, who was aiming at the witches, who were floating above them in their magic broomsticks.

"We finally got permanent bodies, and now we will kill you once for all!" threatened Miriam.

"Hey, big man, do you want me to play with your magic wang?" asked Lorraine to Peter in a very seductive tone.

"Hey, I liked the way you changed 'wand' with 'wang' to make a really clever sex analogy" said Jeanne. "If I wish I could do that too" said Jeanne sadly.

"Step away from my husband, you bitch!" shouted Lois.

"I'm not a bitch, but a witch!" said Lorraine, offended.

"Lorraine, will you stop flirting with that fat guy?" asked Miriam really annoyed.

"I can help it! It's this freaking body!" complained Lorraine. "I get really horny whenever I see him!"

"Well…you can also vent your sex drive with me if you want…" whispered Brian.

"What?" said Lois.

"What?" said Brian really quickly. "Let's get out of here!"

"Hey, did you notice that bitch and witch sound almost the same?" asked Jeanne.

"Oh, please, no more callback jokes" complained Stewie.

"Yeah, we have enough with Buzz Killington, Herbert, the evil monkey, Cleveland failing with his bathtub and this idiot saying 'cool hwhiz'" said Rosie.

"So, you hate callback/recycled jokes?" asked Miriam. "Then you're not going to like very much the way I wanted to kill you"

"I hope it's not surfing bird" said Lois.

Without saying anything more, Miriam casted a spell on Joe, which turned his eyes red, like he's mind controlled.

"Everybody, form the Crippletron!" shouted Joe.

Then, dozens of mind-controlled handicapped people appeared from nowhere, and build the impressive yet ridiculous Crippletron.

"Kill them, _cheri_" said Miriam. "Come on sisters, we have a world to conquer!"

And the three witches flied away.

"Okay, what the hell are we going to do?" asked Chris.

"Watch out!" shouted Meg.

The Crippletron lost no time and charged against the Griffins. He tried to step on Lois, but he dodged it swiftly. Then Joe tried to crush Peter and Chris with his wheelchaired fists, but he missed again. Brian tried to climb the leg, but Joe spotted him, and shook the Crippletron's leg until he got rid of the dog.

"Hey, you idiot, look here!" shouted Rosie.

Joe then turned to the roof of the house, where Stewie and Rosie where posted. Stewie was armed with two rayguns, and fired at the giant, while Rosie threw him lightning balls. The Crippletron replied launching his handicapped rockets, forcing Rosie and Stewie to fall back. However, Rosie countered by stopping his rockets in mid air with her magic powers, and threw back at him.

Meanwhile, Lois tried what Brian failed at, climbing until she could reach Joe, but she didn't succeed either, and the Crippletron grabbed her really hard, and beagn to squish her. Lois wasn't even able to breath.

"Lois!" shouted Peter.

"Mom!" shouted Meg.

"Leave my gradma, you wheel chaired monster!" shouted Rosie as she threw more shocking balls at him, but with little effect.

"It's going to kill her!" shouted Matt horrified.

However, Lois wouldn't meet her end that day. Suddenly, lots of vine whips grew from the ground and entangled the Crippletron in a tight grip. Lois was freed.

"What's that?" asked Chris.

"Meg, was that you?" asked Brian.

"Nope. The witches fled away with the book" said Meg.

"It was me" said an old but kind voice. Everybody turned back and saw old lady Helen, the owner of the gardening store that Meg worked at. He was driving an old, beaten van "Quickly, there's no time, get here!"

The Griffins and the Kennedys rushed to the van and speeded away from their home.

Meanwhile, the Crippletron is fighting with the furious vines. He finally is released, but due to the momentum, he tripped and fell over Cleveland's house, tearing it apart. And do you know what's doing Cleveland right now? Right, he's taking a bath!

"NO no no no no no noooooo!" said as he fell to the ground with his bathtub, that shattered into pieces. "God, I should take a shower instead of bathing"

"Oh, hey Cleveland" said Joe, who was freed of the mind control. "Dude, what have you done with your house?"

Minutes later, the Griffins, the Kennedys and Helen are sheltered in Helen's store.

"Helen, that was amazing!" said Chris.

"Are you a witch?" asked Meg.

"Yes" said Helen. "But don't be afraid, I'm of the good kind"

"Well, thank you, old witch" said Matt.

"Who are you calling old, kid?" teased Helen. She then snapped her fingers, and was quickly surrounded by a green cloud of smoke. When the smoke faded, everybody stared at her with their jaws dropped. Helen was no more an old and defenceless lady. She was a good looking woman, maybe in her forties, with a long and wavy brown hair, a gorgeous body and a beautiful face. She was dressed like a witch, with a traditional black robe and a pointed hat, but unlike Miriam and her sisters, her black clothes were adorned with green ornaments and nature motifs, such like trees, flowers or leafs. "Oh, ad by the way, my true name is Daphne. Helen is an alias" said Daphne in a Scottish accent.

"Wow, I've been working with a witch so much time and I've never realized of that!" said Meg, in amazement. "Wait a moment, you already knew that I had a spellbook when you hired me, right?" asked Meg, who was beginning to put two and two together.

"That's right, honey" said Daphne. "I've been tracking that book for many years, with no success, until you found it. Then I decided to keep an eye on you, and see which your purposes were. However, when I realized that your use of magic was responsible, all things considered" and Daphne glared at Peter while saying this. "After watching how , with the help of your family, defeated Miriam and her sisters, I had no reasons to keep watching you. However, when I was about to erase me from your memory and go away, you got pregnant" said Daphne, and then she looked at Rosie. "I had some suspects that maybe you'll gave birth someone of our kind. And I was right"

"Well, sorry for calling you old" apologized Matt.

"It's okay, sweetie. Well, you weren't wrong at all, I'm 186 years old" said Daphne, surprising everybody.

"My God! You have to tell Lois which is your secret to keep yourself such a healthy appearance!" said Peter in amazement. "It's a deal with the devil? huh? A deal with the devil? I mean, a deal made with the devil in which he gives you something you want, but the devil becomes the owner of your soul. It's that? A deal with the devil?"

"Wait, what did you mean by saying 'someone of our kind'?" asked Meg.

"Rosie is a witch" said Daphne, as she picked up her close to her face. "A human born with magic powers, but it's not just that. Witches –or wizards/warlocks, in the case of males- have enhanced intelligence and senses, immunity to almost all diseases and illnesses that affect regular humans- however, she's vulnerable to other kind of diseases- and a much longer lifespan. That's why I look so young while having almost two hundred years. And she's quite powerful, which is odd, being both of her parents humans" said Daphne before leaving Rosie on the floor.

"I'm not that powerful" said Rosie. "I wouldn't be able to do that things with the plants like you did before"

"Oh, that's because you're not even a year old, but your powers will increase while you grow" said Daphne.

"Thanks goodness that continuity means nothing in this universe and she will remain as a baby for many years, because she could become corrupted with power and slave us, make us to do her bidding and cancel the awesome programs and reality shows aired on Fox" said Chris.

"Still, the way you used those plants earlier, was amazing" praised Brian.

"Thanks. That's because I was trained in magic involving nature, just like many of Scottish witches. I also can understand and talk to animals, like you" said Daphne as she petted him.

"Well, actually, everybody can understand and speak with Brian" said Meg.

"Oh…" said Daphne. "How many animals can speak?"

"Only Brian, New Brian, Brian's gay cousin Jasper, our first dog Todd, Death's dog, Ernie the Giant Fighting Chicken, that giant flamethrowing cockroach that keeps saying 'good…good!'…oh, and Arnold Schwarzenegger" said Lois.

"Don't forget Batista" said Matt.

"But I guess that if Brian would have a canine daughter with me, and name her, let's say Rose – do not mistake with Rosie- I'm pretty sure that she could speak too." explained Lois.

"Brian having a canine daughter with you?" chuckled Peter. "That's the most stupid twaddle I've ever hear"

"Yeah, me too!" laughed Stewie. "Could you imagine that?"

"Maybe in another universe" laughed Chris.

Brian then muttered some inaudible profanities against them.

"Anyway, I'm sorry to spoil this hilarious moment, but we have a more important issue" interrupted Daphne. "We have to retrieve the spellbook and the egg Miriam stole from you"

"Do you know what is it?" asked Rosie. "I mean, the egg"

"Yes" said Daphne. "It's a phoenix egg"

"Finally!" said Stewie.

(A/N: Congratulations to snake screamer)

"Phoenixes are birds that have great power, even if they're still in the egg. Lots of people believed, due to their nature, that phoenixes had the secret of immortality" explained Daphne. "I guess that Miriam and her sisters used the power of the egg to come again to life. But I'm sure that they'll plan to use the phoenix when he's born. Did you activate it?"

"What do you mean by that?" asked Meg a bit confused.

"Phoenix eggs need a magical boost in order to hatch. This boost is produced when a magical being, human or not, touches the egg. Usually another phoenix boosts the egg, but a witch or a wizard can do that too" explained Daphne.

"Oh, that was you mean by 'activate'" said Matt. "Yes, Rosie touched it"

"That's good" said Daphne. "The phoenix is now bonded to Rosie, and he won't obey Miriam. However, she can find a way to corrupt it or break the bond."

"Well, Miriam and I share the same magic energy. Does mean that..?" asked Rosie without completing her question.

"No, It's not the same" said Daphne.

"Well, I guess that we must find those witches and try to defeat them…again" said Peter. "Let's go to the church for get some holy water"

"Wait, it isn't the church burning?" said Chris, as he pointed to a smoky building.

"Damn! They're playing hard right now" cursed Matt. "Any ideas of where can we find them, and how can we defeat them?"

"That won't be a problem" said Brian, who was looking something outside. "Look at that!" shouted the dog, pointing to the sky.

The rest of the family went out and looked at what Brian was pointing. They stared at it frozen in shock. Over the town of Quahog, a huge flying castle was hovering, surrounded by dark, stormy clouds.

"Oh, it's just brilliant!" said Stewie with excitement, ignoring for a moment their actual position. Then he pulled out a recorder. "Note to self: build a large flying fortress when I rule the world"

"I may be wrong, but I'd say that Miriam and her sisters are inside that flying castle" said Peter, and everybody stared at him.

"Did you find it all by yourself?" asked Brian sarcastically.

"Oh, sure I did" said Peter proudly, who didn't get the point of Brian's question.

"Okay, we already know where the witches hide" said Lois, still staring at the impressive castle. "Any ideas of how are we going to beat them? Because we cannot rely on Holy Water anymore"

"I'll fight them" said Daphne. "I don't know if I'm powerful enough to beat them, but I'm the only one here who actually can stand in a fight against them"

"Let me help you! I fought Miriam before!" offered Rosie.

"Rosie, no! It's too dangerous for you!" said Meg.

"Rosie, you're very brave, but your mother's right" said Daphne. Then she turned to the rest of the family. "While I fight Miriam, I want you to search for the spellbook and the phoenix egg. Miriam's powers aren't a big deal without the book, and she knows it. Once we have it, it shouldn't be any trouble. Fortunately, she'll be busy trying to break the bond between Rosie and the phoenix."

"Wait, how are we going to reach up there?" asked Matt.

"Well, ican go flying in my broomstick, but I guess that I can do something for help you" said the nature witch.

Daphne then cast a spell, and lots of vines grew from the ground, and the continued growing until they reached the flying castle.

"So, Jack and the magic beanstalks" said Brian. "I hope we don't find any giant inside that castle"

"Don't worry, Snoopy" said Stewie dryly. "We'll find EVEN WORSE things than giants up there"

"Well, let's go" said Peter, as he and everybody began to climb through the giant vine.

Meanwhile, inside the castle, Miriam and her sisters are studying the egg.

"It will hatch soon" said Lorraine. "But it's too bad that that brat boosted it first"

"Don't worry, I'll find the way to break that link" said Miriam, pretty confident.

"Sisters! Sisters!" shouted Jeanne as she burst in the room. "We have a problem!"

"Oh, _Qui s'est passé?_ Did you break a fingernail?" mocked Miriam.

"_Oui!_" said Jeanne sadly. "It looks so ugly…oh, and by the way, we have intruders"

"What? Why didn't you warned us before?" asked Lorraine.

"Because I was doing my nails, silly!" said Jeanne. "Then I broke my-"

"Enough!" shouted Miriam. "We must get rid off of those damn Griffins. Fortunately, I've prepared a few surprises for them…" said Miriam with an evil grin.

"When was the last time you prepared a surprise for me?" asked Jeanne sadly. "Sometimes I feel like a reject"

Miriam then groaned and placed her hand on her face.

Back to the Griffins, they've just finished of climbing their way to the castle, and they're now inside it.

"Well, now, please, follow my steps and don't do anything stupid" advised Daphne. "Do whatever I do"

"Do whatever I do" repeated Chris.

"You don't have to repeat everything I say" said Daphne annoyed.

"You don't have to repeat everything I say" repeated Chris in the same tone.

Lois then elbowed him in the arm.

"What? She said that we must do whatever she may do!" said Chris as he rubbed his arm.

"So, if you menstruate, guys have to do that too?" asked Peter.

Daphne groaned, really pissed, and placed her hand in her face.

"You just follow me and do whatever I SAY to do, and don't do anything stupid, okay!?" asked Daphne.

"Hey, you don't have to scold us like that!" said Peter, offended. "What do you think we are, retarded?"

"Listen, the witches should know that we are here, so be careful. We have little time for taking back the book and the egg" said Daphne, ignoring Peter's last comment.

They interned through a dark hallway, walking in silence. The hallway was barely lighted by some torches.

"They may be witches, but they know nothing about electricity" remarked Brian dryly.

"Well, what can you expect from people who actually were in another dimension since the year 1200" said Matt.

"Well, Miriam and her sisters build this castle back in the Middle Ages, using nothing but magic and poor-quality materials. They've ruled France with an iron fist from this fortress for 18 years"

"Wait, how does that could happen but never mentioned in history books?" asked Lois.

"Inquisition burned all of Miriam's possessions (except the book, who was stolen by an unnamed thief), and forbade everybody to talk about her. But I though that they also destroyed this fortress. I guess I was wrong"

"Hey, what's that over there?" asked Meg as she pointed to a nearby room, which was poorly illuminated.

"Hey, I think that's the egg!" said Rosie with joy as she dashed frenetically towards it.

"Rosie, no, wait!" shouted Daphne as she and the others ran after her. They entered in the large room with the phoenix egg on a pedestal.

"Here you are!" said Rosie, cheered. "I was very worried, now let's get out of here"

However, when Rosie was about to recover her precious would-be pet, the pedestal lowered to the ground, sending the egg to a chamber in the lower floor.

"What the deuce?" asked Stewie.

"Quickly, to the lower floor!" said Matt. However, the door which they used to enter in the room suddenly closed, trapping the family inside.

"S_oyez le bienvenu,_ Griffins" said Miriam(who was holding the spellbook) as she and her sisters appeared in the middle of the large room. "We've been waiting for you"

"Oh my God, it was a trap!" said Peter.

"Peter, would you mind to stop pointing out the obvious?" asked Brian really pissed. "You're even worse than that remake of Citizen Kane featuring Kane"

**Flashback**

(Because I don't want to butcher one of the best movies on history, this flashback was removed)

…

(After finding that his flashback was removed, Kane chokeslammed me)

**End Flashback**

"Now, prepare to die!" shouted Miriam as she and Lorraine and Jeanne got ready for the upcoming battle.

"Remember, keep out of the fight" said Daphne. "Try to find a way out of here"

"DIE!" shouted Miriam as she cast a lightning on Daphne, which she quickly dodged. Daphne took something from her pockets, and tosses it to the floor; it were a bunch of seeds. However, after casting another spell on the seeds, they quickly grew into three dire piranha plants, that attacked the three French witches with firballs and bites. However, Jeanne cast a frost wind that froze the plants, which were finished off by a fire wave cast by Lorraine.

"You'll need more than a lame Super Mario Bros. reference to defeat us, hippie witch!" mocked Miriam.

They resumed the fight, however, Daphne was onto a loser, because she spend more time dodging her enemies attacks rather than attacking.

"Peter, we must do something to help her!" said Lois. "There's no way she can't win alone!"

"Yes, but what can I do?" said Peter. "I could seduce her, but then you'll bitching me for that for a whole month"

"Maybe we could do like the last time we fought them and use some of our traits they inherited from us in our advantage" said Matt.

"Good idea!" said Brian. "Hey Jeanne, if I have seven cookies, and I eat one, how many cookies are left?"

"Ha! You won't catch me with the same trick twice!" said Jeanne pretyy confident. She then took out a calculator, and did the operation. "Six cookies left!" said Jeanne proudly.

"Damn! They covered their weak points!" shouted Brian in frustration.

"Hey, maybe I could escape through that ventilation tube!" said Rosie, looking at the entrance. "Quickly, mom, help me to reach there!"

"Okay, but be careful" said Meg, worried about her.

"Don't worry. I'm a witch after all" said Rosie, who climb her way to the ventilation tube, and got inside it.

Meanwhile, the battle of the witches continued, with no progression from Daphne.

"This isn't good!" said Matt. "Come on, we must think something!"

"I got it!" said Brian, before smacking Stewie really hard.

"Awwwww!" cried Stewie. "Brian, what was that for? You're such a mean dog! WAAAAAA!WAAAAAA!" began to cry Stewie.

Lorraine then heard Stewie crying and turned to him.

"Stewie!" shouted Lorraine. "What the hell did you do to my Stewie, you fiends?"

Lorraine then flied towards Stewie, got off her broomstick, and began to comfort him.

"Oh, don't cry, mommy's here…" said Lorraine sweetly, before being dropkicked by Lois.

"Stay away from my son, you fake hag!" shouted Lois angrily.

"Stewie is MY son, you bitch!" shouted Lorraine.

Lorraine and Lois then engaged into a catfight, hitting, biting, scratching and smacking each other merciless.

"Good idea Brian! It seems that Lorraine also inherited Lois' maternal instinct. That will make things easier for Daphne" said Matt. "Now we must think in another way to…guys?" asked Matt when he realized that neither Brian nor Peter were listening to him.

"Just…wait a minute" said Brian, who was drooling along with Peter at the sight of the catfight. "Okay, what did you say?" asked Brian.

"Brian, Jillian is your girlfriend. You must know something about her that may drive Jeanne out of the battle" said Meg. "Quickly!"

"Okay, let me think…" said Brian, as he tried to remember what kind of things Jillian is fond of. "Well, she likes a lot crappy programs aired on MTV and Fox's reality shows"

"That would be great, if we had a TV" said Peter. "However, how can you expect from a dog" said Peter in shame.

"Let me try something" said Chris. "Hey, Jeanne, look, a flying pig!"

"Where!?" asked Jeanne, as she began to look around. "I don't see any flying pig!"

Daphne took advantage of the distraction, and summoned another vine that hit her really hard, throwing her out of her broomstick, knocking her unconscious.

"Good job Chris!" said Meg. "Only one witch to go!"

Meanwhile, Lois walked to them, full of bruises and scratches, with her clothes tattered.

"Well, that must learn that bitch not to mess with my family" said Lois. "Did I miss anything?"

Suddenly, the door opened, and Rosie entered in the room, carrying the egg.

"I've got it!" shouted Rosie with joy. "I've got it back!"

"NO!" shouted Miriam. "How a simple kid could defeat all my guards?"

"Guards?" asked Rosie in confusion. "There wasn't any guards…this place is totally empty"

"Anyway, I'm not going to let my plans ruined by a kid AGAIN!" yelled Miriam, as she ignored Daphne and flied towards Rosie. However, her charge was interrupted by Meg, who dropkicked her, knocking her out of her broomstick, and tossed the spellbook.

"And I'm not going to let my daughter to be threatened by a magical whore again!" said Meg in a defiant tone.

"How dare you to…?" was about to say Miriam, but she was again interrupted by Meg's punch, which knocked her over.

While doing this, Matt lose no time and snatched the book.

"It seems that you've lost, Miriam" said Daphne as she walked menacingly to her.

"Oh, this isn't over!" said Miriam. "You've win this battle, but I'll be back soon!"

Miriam then cast a spell that teleported her and her unconscious sisters away.

"They escaped…" said Meg. "Do you think that they'll be back?"

"Oh, sure they will" said Peter. "Just like James Woods and Ernie the giant chicken. However, there's nothing to worry about. We will beat them again"

"Let's get out of here" said Brian. "This place creeps me out"

"It would be a pleasure" said Daphne, before teleporting everybody out of the castle.

Hours later, the family is in Rosie's room, looking closely at the egg, who was about to hatch.

"Look, the shell is cracking!" said Rosie.

During a minute that seemed interminable, the creature inside the egg fought against its prison, in order to break free. He finally succeeded. The phoenix hatchling looked like a newborn chicken, except that this was a little bigger and had red plumage.

"Awwwwww…." Said everybody, after they saw the newborn phoenix.

"Well, Rosie, this phoenix is yours, so how are you going to name it?" asked Matt.

"I'll call him…Flare!" said Rosie.

"Well, it seems that this family has a new member" said Lois. "Although it's not a human"

So, after a dangerous trip, Rosie finally could enjoy her Christmas present. However, Miriam won't gaie up that easily. She's now in another hideout planning her revenge.

"Damn griffins! They'll pay for this!" growled Miriam. "Lorraine, Jeanne, come here! Now!"

Lorraine walked to her, but Jeanne didn't came.

"Where the hell is Jeanne?" asked Miriam.

"Don0t know. She said that she has some issued to do…" said Lorraine as se shrugged.

Meanwhile, at Jillian's apartment…

"So, you always wanted a twin sister? Me too?" said Jillian.

"Yeah, we have so many things in common!" giggled Jeanne. "Tell me more things you like"

"I love Laguna 't you think it's the best program on TV?" said Jillian.

"Big time!" said Jeanne.

"In fact, tonight there's a 5 hour Laguna Beach special, wanna watch it with me?" asked Jillian.

"Sure!" said Jeanne as she turned on the TV.

Nathalie, still in the living room, has overheard the whole conversation andthen walked to her room. She then pulled out her cell phone and dialled a number.

"Meg?...this is Nathalie…is okay if I sleep at your house tonight?"

**End Chapter.**


	25. Be careful what you dream for Part I

**Chapter ****25: Be careful what you dream for Part I**

**(A/N: So, here I am again, after a month almost completely dedicated to study. Sorry if this chapter is a bit crappy, but I've been a month without writing anything and I'm a bit rusty. I wanted to give Matt more screentime in this chapter in an attempt of making him stand out a bit more. I also threw some BrianxJillian in this chapter (and will be more in the next one) because I love this pairing. Well, enough babbling, let's go with the chapter)**

Nothing feels better after a hard day at work where you have to put up with a bitchy boss and an over-retarded co-worker than going to have some drinks with your friends at a borderline-decent pub. Yeah, to make long things short, Peter is drinking with his friends at the clam as usual.

"So, how about our plan for this weekend?" asked Peter. "It still stands?"

"Sure it is" said Quagmire.

"I hope that this trip will be better than the X-men convention" said Cleveland dryly.

**Flashback**

Peter, Joe, Quagmire and Cleveland are in an X-men convention disguised. Peter is dressed as wolverine, Quagmire is dressed as Cyclops, Joe is dressed as Professor X and Cleveland…is dressed as Storm.

"Why I have to be storm?" asked Cleveland, pissed.

"We told you a thousand times, Storm is the only black mutant" explained Peter.

"That's not true!" complained Cleveland "What about Bishop?"

"Come on, Bishop isn't very popular, in fact he even didn't appear on the movies" said Joe. "Besides, I also was forced to be Professor X because he's the only one who is handicapped AND YOU DON'T SEE ME COMPLAINING LIKE A QUEER!" shouted Joe.

"At least, tell that sick pervert to stop nipping my butt!!" said Cleveland.

"Sorry if I make you feel uncomfortable, but when I see you with that white wig, that fake breast and…giggity!" said Quagmire

**End Flashback**

"Hey guys, you know what we can do for having some laughs?" suggested Peter slyly.

"What?" asked Cleveland.

"We could go stand over near Brian, and we'll take a drink every time he says 'bonerific', you know, his trademark catchphrase" said Peter as he snorted a bit loudly.

The guys then walked near Brian, who was in the bar having a drink and talking with his girlfriend Jillian.

"So, Brian, how do you feel tonight?" asked Quagmire.

"Good. I'm really enjoying tonight" said Brian.

"And…how's your relationship with Jillian going?" asked Peter.

"Fine, I'm glad that you ask. Now that Jillian was nice enough to give me a second chance, I'm going to make damn sure that she feels loved and appreciated" said Brian sweetly, as he held Jillian's hand and smiled. Jillian smiled him back.

"So, everything goes fine, good, or something that rhymes with 'terrific', huh?" asked Joe.

Brian then released Jillian's hand and frowned, now aware of the game that they were playing on him.

"Are you with that crap again?" asked Brian, annoyed. "Well, you can stay there all night and wait me to say that word, because I WON'T!"

"Which word?" asked Cleveland.

"Bonerific" said Brian.

"HAAAAAAAAAAA!!" laughed the group while pointing Brian.

"Did I tell you?! You can't keep this guy from saying it!" laughed Peter.

"But 'Bonerific isn't even a real word…!" complained Brian.

"He did it again! He did it again!" laughed Cleveland.

Brian rolled his eyes in annoyance.

"Come on, Jillian, let's go somewhere with less idiots" growled Brian, as he and Jillian left the bar.

Peter and the guys continued drinking and talking about trivial things when Horace walked to them.

"Sorry, but it's time for closing" announced the barman.

"Okay" said Joe. "Who's going to drive?"

"Don't look at me" said Cleveland. "I've been drinking as much as you"

"God, that means that we must go back to our houses WALKING?" asked Quagmire horrified.

"Don't worry, nobody will walk tonight!" said Peter, then looked at Joe. "Although I know somebody who would love to…well, because unlike you I'm a smart person, I called my son in law to be our designated driver. He should arrive here at any moment.

In that very moment, Matt entered in the bar, dragging his feet, looking really exhausted.

"Peter…did you call me?" asked Matt before yawning.

"Yes, I want you to take us home" said Peter as he tossed the keys of his car to Matt.

"Peter, are you sure the kid's okay?" asked Joe.

"Yes, he looks worst than Cleveland Junior's teachers when they try to calm him down, and I can say that that's really hard" said Cleveland.

"Nah, he looks fine, right buddy?" asked Peter to Matt.

"Where am I?" asked Matt, as he has just woke up from a dream.

Minutes later, everybody is in Peter's station wagon, with Matt driving…or at least trying to.

"Hey, try not to sleep while driving, okay?" said Joe.

"Peter, the boy seems a bit tired" said Quagmire, showing some worry.

"Lois told me that he's been several nights in which he couldn't get to sleep. But he sleeps with Meg after all, so, who could?" asked Peter.

Nobody laughed at his pun.

"Hey, where are we?" asked Cleveland, as he looked through the window of the back seat.

In fact, they where in a part of Quahog totally unknown for them.

"Peter, Matt can't drive properly tonight" said Joe. "Let's get back on a bus or a taxi"

"Nah, he's fine, right, Matthew?" said Peter, still optimist.

"Huh? Did you say something?" asked Matt, sleepy as he turned back.

"Keep watching the road, you idiot!" shouted Joe.

"What?"

The station wagon then crashed against a streetlamp.

The next day, by the lunch time, Peter and Matt are taken to home from the hospital by their wives.

"Thanks god that none of you had serious wounds" said Lois as she helped Peter to sit on the kitchen. Meg did the same with Matt.

"Dad, why the hell did you called Matt to be your designated driver?" asked Meg, full of anger. "You knew that he's going through insomnia recently!"

"And what the hell did you want me to do? All of us were drunk!" protested Peter.

"Maybe if you didn't drink that much…" reproached Lois, a bit angry. Peter then gasped and looked at her in shock.

"Lois, because I love you, I'm going to pretend that I didn't hear that" said Peter, visibly offended. "In fact, I'm going to pretend that you said 'pineapple' for no reason. Hehehehehehehehe! Lois, why did you said 'pineapple' for no reason? God, you women are so stupid…"

In that moment, Rosie teleported in the middle of the room and jumped on her dad's lap. Flare (who was now a fully grown phoenix, and had almost the size of Brian) entered in the room flying and sat in the table near his owner.

"Daddy!" shouted the toddler, cheerful. "Play with me and Flare!"

"Sorry, sport, but daddy is too tired to play with you…" said Matt weakly before yawning. "Why don't you play with Stewie?"

"He doesn't want to play with me" said Rosie. "He said that he has some unfinished business of his own. I wonder what mean that"

**Cutaway**

Stewie is in his secret lab, dressed with a lab coat. He has his teddy bear Rupert is strapped to a lab table, with some cables attached to it.

"And now, Rupert, my friend, you'll stop being only a stuffed animal and become a REAL ANIMAL!" shouted Stewie before switching his device.

Electricity flows through the cables attached to Rupert, until there's a big explosion. Stewie, coughing, waves his hands to disperse the smoke and see if his experiment was a success.

"Rupert…are you real now?" asked Stewie.

And yes, in the lab table there's a huge real it's very angry.

"Oh, Rupert, you're alive! Gimme a hug!" said Stewie with joy as he walked to the angry bear.

**(The last scene was removed from the cutaway)**

**End Cutaway**

Flare then shrieked.

"Rosie, sweetie, I don't think that the kitchen is a nice place for an animal" said Lois.

"Well, Brian eats in the kitchen with us. I don't see why Flare has to be different" replied Rosie. "Besides, he's hungry, and he knows that the kitchen is the proper place to eat, unlike other people who eat from garbage"

"I don't eat from garbage!" complained Brian offscreen. "At least not anymore…"

Lois then took from a cupboard a piece of meat and threw it to Flare, that caught it and swallowed it entirely. The phoenix then let out a loud shriek enclosed with a fiery sudden blaze. Lois screamed in terror and clumsily stepped backwards. Although she avoided the blaze, her hair and clothes were slightly charred.

"Haha, Flare says that he likes you!" laughed Rosie.

"Oh…that's great…" stammered Lois.

"Flare also says that he's sorry for scaring you. He still has some troubles with his fire breath" said Rosie, apologizing for her bird pet.

Minutes later, everybody is having lunch in the kitchen, discussing about the accident and Matt's insomnia.

"God, this is horrible" said Matt. "It's been three nights in which I cannot sleep" said Matt, who was so tired that he couldn't even eat. "Even if fall asleep, I can't sleep more than an hour"

"Poor Matthew" said Meg as she placed a hand on her husbands shoulder.

"Hey, Meg, why don't you use the spellbook to help Matt to sleep?" suggested Chris.

"No!" suddenly said Matt. "I don't want magic being used on me, okay?"

"Awww…my dreams of being useful were crushed…hey, I have another idea, why don't you buy a fish, attach a string to it, put somewhere in the street, wait a cat to see it, and when he's going to get it, you pull the string and surprise the cat!"

"And, how is going that to help me to sleep?" asked Matt.

"It won't, but it will be funny!" laughed Chris.

"Matt, if you can't sleep, why don't you spend the night doing something productive or entertaining?" suggested Brian. "You could read a book, go for a walk, do some exercise or find a hobby to do at night"

"Hey, you're right!" said Matt. "You know, when I was little I used to build castles, houses and stuff like that by using anything but matches and glue"

"That's a good idea!" said Peter. "You could inhale the glue until you lose conscious, and thus this, you'll sleep!"

"Peter, I think that he's saying that he could spend the night in building things with matches and glue until he's so tired that he falls asleep" said Lois.

Peter then looked at her in shock.

"Hehehehehe! Why did you say 'The mole builds his house near a volcano' for no reason, Lois? God, each day your stupidity amazes me more…" said Peter.

The night arrived, and when everybody was ready to get home, Matt was preparing for build a castle of matches.

"Here you have all what you need" said Lois, as he gave him a huge bag. "three hundred boxes of matches and twenty glue storage jars. I hope it will be enough"

"Don't worry, I'm sure it will be" said Matt.

"The bed is going to seem so empty and big without you…" said Mg a bit downbeat.

"Don't worry honey, it will be only for tonight. Tomorrow, after I slept at least six hours, we will have more sex than we have on our wedding night"

"Uh…Matt, we barely have sex on our wedding night, remember?" said Meg.

**Flashback**

Matt is lying on a hospital bed, with Meg(still in her wedding dress) at his side. It's late in the night.

"God, I've never imagined that our wedding night it would be this crappy" said Meg.

"Well, thank your dad for this" said Matt bitterly.

"At least the doctors said that you're okay…" said Meg. Then she came closer to him. "Matt, you know, if we are silent enough and careful with your wounds, we could…" Meg then whispered the last part to his husband, and both of them giggled.

"Okay, let's do it!" said Matt, upbeat.

But when Meg was about to undress, a male nurse entered in the room.

"Sorry, Mrs. Kennedy, but the visit hour is over" announced the nurse.

"Can you let me stay five minutes more?" begged Meg.

"Sorry, but no. Those are the hospital rules. You can visit him again tomorrow. Besides, I have to give him his daily medicines" said the nurse.

"Okay" said Meg before leaving. She also blew her husband a kiss.

"Well, Mr. Kennedy, this won't hurt, but you'll feel sleepy" said the nurse before injecting the medicine.

Matt then began to blink, until he felt asleep, due to the painkiller's effect. The nurse then came closer to him and stroke his cheek.

"What a hot body wasted in a vagina…" moaned the nurse in a new effeminate voice.

**End Flashback**

The very next day, the family woke up at morning, and went downstairs, to see if Matt was able to sleep.

"Matt, darling, were you able to-HOLY CRAP!" shouted Meg.

In the living room there were several match-made castles, pyramids, towers, the Mount Rushmore, and even match-made replicas of the whole family.

"It didn't work…" said Matt, who was in a corner, with his kneed clutched to his chest. "WHY I CAN'T SLEEP?!" shouted.

"My god, this is even worse than that time Brian and I were high on pot" said Peter.

**Flashback**

Peter and Brian are in the living room, smoking pot.

"Brian, you're a dog, right?" asked Peter.

"Yup" replied Brian.

"And you're atheist, right?" asked again Peter.

"Yes…" said Brian.

"How can you be atheist being a dog?" asked Peter.

"What…? What the hell has to do being a dog with being atheist?" asked Brian in surprise. "I think that we smoked too much…"

"Brian, don't you realize? 'God' is 'Dog' spelled backwards!" said Peter.

Brian's eyes then widen in horror.

"Om my god...it's…TRUE! What I've done? Forgive me Lord!" shouted Brian as he ran out from the house.

"Hehehehehehehe…idiot…he didn't realize that 'God' spells with H…" laughed Peter before falling unconscious.

**End Flashback**

Later that day, Meg is working as usual in the gardening store with Daphne (who is no longer using her old lady disguise).

"I heard that your boy has some insomnia" said Daphne.

"Yes" replied Meg. "Poor Matt, nights have become a living hell for him"

"You know, there may be some remedies for the insomnia in your spellbook…" hinted Daphne.

"No" said Meg. "Matt don't like the idea of magic used on him, even if it's for good"

"Oh, don't worry, it isn't _magical _literally. Say, do you have the book here?" asked the witch.

Meg then opened her backpack and pulled out the spellbook. She put it on the counter.

"Natural remedies!" shouted Daphne as she pointed with her index finger to the book. The spellbook opened by itself, and its pages began to turn until it reached the section 'Natural Remedies'.

"I need to learn that" said Meg.

Daphne then began to look through the pages.

"A-ha! Here it is" said Daphne, who was pointing to some recipe. "The Tea of Dreams"

"Tea of Dreams?" asked Meg.

"Yes" replied Daphne as she was looking for the ingredients through the store. "Is an ancient remedy for insomnia, and it doesn't involve magic. It has some side effects, but they only affect witches and mages, so your husband has nothing to fear"

"So, if I give him this tea, he'll be able to sleep tonight?" asked Meg, while stuffing the herbs and seeds in her backpack.

"I ensure you that" said Daphne.

"Wow! Thanks a lot!" said Meg before closing hr backpack and leaving the store.

Daphne then resumed her job at the store, when she realized of something.

"Hey! Where the hell are you going? There is an hour to go till closing!!" shouted Daphne.

Minutes later, Meg arrives at the Griffin house, where a really tired Matt is watching TV with Rosie.

"Matt! I have good news!" said Meg.

"Did you get those tickets for Wrestlemania 25?" asked Matt excited.

"Uh, no" said Meg, who noticed her husband's disappointed expression. "I found a way you can sleep!"

"Really?" asked Matt, again upbeat.

"Yes. You know, there's a section in the spellbook that-"said Meg before being interrupted by Matt.

"Ah, no! I told you that I don't want-" said Matt, but he was also interrupted.

"You didn't even let me explain!" shouted Meg. "There's a recipe for a special tea in the spellbook that helps people to sleep. And don't worry, it hasn't any magical stuff, it's just only some herbs mixed with water".

"So, you'll be able to sleep?" asked Rosie, full of hope.

"Yes sweetie" said Meg. "And I'm pretty sure that dad will play with you a lot after it"

The night arrived soon. Moments after getting on bed, Meg prepared the special tea for Matt, and, for first time in days, he was able to sleep the whole night.

The next morning, Matt woke up, realizing that he has been sleeping.

"Meg, wake up!" said Matt as she shook Meg gently.

"Huh…what time is it?" asked Meg.

"7:03 in the morning. Get up, we must prepare for school" said Matt. "Oh, and newsflash: I was able to sleep all the night!" said Matt cheerfully.

"Really? That's awesome!" said Meg, before hugging her husband. "I knew that that tea would work!"

Later, everybody is in the kitchen having breakfast.

"Matt, you look much better today!" praised Lois. "I guess that you were able to sleep"

"Sure I was!" said Matt. His voice irradiated optimist and energy. "And now, I have enough energy to pay attention at school, make headway at work, play with my beloved daughter and spend time with my wife"

"Geez, you're such a sucker if you want to do that" pointed Peter. "You should spend the day in doing more productive and useful things like drink, hang out with friends, watch porn, drink while hanging out with friends, drink while watching porn, watching porn with friends, or drink while watching porn with your friends."

"Wow, what a wide range of activities" said Brian dryly. "It seems that the word 'boredom' is unknown for you"

"Of course it is, just like the word 'gravity' is unknown for Chinese people" said Peter

(A/N: If you have seen some Chinese-themed movies about ninjas/samurais like 'Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon' or 'The Forbidden Kingdom', you'll know what I'm talking about)

After breakfast, Matt and Meg are heading to the James Woods high in Matt's motorbike.

"God, I can't remember the last time I felt this great!" said Matt.

"I'm so happy for you" said Meg.

"I've ever had a dream" mentioned Matt. "And it was so real…"

"What was it about?" asked Meg.

"You see, you know, we were at class as usual, when somebody pulled the fire alarm. Everybody ran out of the classes, but when we reached the hall, everybody slipped on the floor and fell. It was a prank made by some punks who waxed the floor" commented Matt. "Then, when were back at home, your parents were discussing. I didn't hear it too well, but it was about Peter squandering the family savings on some stupid stuff…then…the last part" said Matt trying to remember. "The last part was the most horrifying."

"What it was?" asked Meg, intrigued.

"I dreamt that Brian was with Jillian at her apartment. But the apartment was set on flames. They tried to escape, but due to the inhalation of smoke they fell unconscious, and were engulfed by the flames" said Matt.

"That's horrible!" said Meg, shocked.

"Yes, I felt relieved when I realized that it was only a dream. Well, here we are…" said Matt, parking his motorbike in front of the school.

Meanwhile, Peter is working at the brewery as usual, when he's approached by his boss Angela.

"GRIFFIN!" roared Angela. "Where are those shipping reports!?"

"Sorry, but I have some difficulties that prevented me from file them" excused Peter.

"Difficulties? Which difficulties?" asked Angela, still angered.

"You see, today is Monday, and on Mondays I use to watch the new youtube videos of skaters hitting against walls or rolling down the stairs in their vain attempt to do aerobatics. It's so freakin' sweet!" said Peter.

"I don't mind the skaters!" shouted Angela. "You're here to work, not to amuse yourself! Now get back to work!"

"Okay, okay…" said Peter as he watched how his boss left the room. "Stupid bitch…hey, what's this?" said Peter, looking at the screen of his computer. "A multi-property chalet in Colorado? Frekin' sweet!"

Back to the James Woods High, Meg, Matt and their classmates are noting down the teacher's explanations, when the fire alarm suddenly rang. Matt and Meg looked at each other with puzzled expression.

"Okay, some fire started somewhere in the school" said the teacher. "Now I want you to keep calm and walk slowly out of the-" however, the teacher was trampled by the hysterical mass of students who didn't want to die burned. However, when they were in the locker's hall, everybody slipped and fell on their asses.

"What the hell is this?" asked one of the students, while rubbing his ass.

"Somebody waxed the floor!" complained another

"Who made this mess?" asked another one.

"Okay, what's going on? Why is everybody making such a…?" asked Principal Shepherd as he exited his office. However he also slipped with the waxed floor and fell backwards in a very comical way, making everybody to laugh at him. "WHO DID THIS!!?"

From the stairs, some guys from the last year were recording everything with a digital recorder.

"God, this was better than expected!" laughed one of the boys.

"Yeah, me too! I can wait to upload it to youtube!" laughed another one.

"You bastards! I'm going to…!" threatened Shepherd while he was trying to stand up. However, he fell again, making everybody to laugh even harder.

In the way back to the Griffin house, Matt and Meg are talking about what happened at the school.

"Can you believe it?" asked Meg. "It was just like your dream!"

"Well, not exactly" replied Matt. "The part with Principal Shepherd wasn't in the dream. And it was the funniest part!"

"Yeah, sure it was" laughed Meg. "But aren't you a bit…scared?"

"Scared?"

"Yeah, imagine that what you dreamed after that comes true again" said Meg. "It would be horrible"

"Meg, are you sure that that tea you gave me it wasn't magical or have some side effects?" asked Matt

"No!" replied Meg. "Daphne guaranteed me that it only has side effects on witches or wizards, not on regular people!"

"Okay, I'll believe you…" said Matt.

"Let's calm down" said Meg. "I'm pretty sure that it was only a weird coincidence. You said that Principal Shepherd didn't appear in your dream, don' you? Then it will be probably nothing"

"I hope you're right" said Matt, as he parked the motorbike near the family station wagon. The Kennedys entered in the house, only to be greeted by an angry Lois who was arguing with Peter.

"Why you always have to be so damn impulsive!?" yelled Lois.

"Do you want to know why!?" replied Peter. "Because I want some more incentive in my life, that's it!"

"Incentive in your life? What the hell has that to do with what you've done?" said Lois.

"Mom, dad! Calm down!" said Meg.

"What's going on?" asked Matt.

"Peter squandered almost all our savings in a multi-property chalet on Colorado" said Chris nonchalantly. "You know, it has been really long since the last time Peter dilapidated our money in some stupid scheme"

"So, we have a house in Colorado?" asked Stewie. "Sweet, I always wanted to have a house there! It would be fun to ski on Christmas break"

"I don't like the idea" said Rosie. "I can't take Flare to such a cold place"

Flare then cawed.

"I know it" replied Rosie

"Well, nobody cares about your stupid bird" said Stewie, then he turned to Peter. "Say, Fatman, how many days we have that house?"

"The first week of July" said Peter.

"ON JULY!?" asked Stewie in shock. "You damn fat bastard! You know, I decided not to kill you after this, but I make my mind, and I will!" shouted Stewie before running out of the room.

Meg took Matt upstairs, leaving Peter and Lois arguing.

"Do you still think it is a coincidence?" Asked Matt

"Okay, maybe it isn't" said Meg. "But it can't be the tea! Daphne told me it was completely safe!"

Suddenly, a green light filled the hallway, and Daphne appeared in front of them.

"Meg, I have some news regarding the tea" said Daphne, a bit worried.

"What is it?" asked Meg.

"Remember that I told you that the tea only helped to sleep in normal humans?" asked Daphne. "Well, I forgot that you are not a 'normal human' at all"

"What do you mean?" asked Meg.

"Like you should know by know, every time you cast a spell, you absorb some of the magic energy unleashed on it. Well, that technically makes your body vulnerable to some effects that only affect mages. In mages or witches, the Tea of Dreams makes people to dream with future events" explained Daphne.

"But was Matt who drank the tea, not me!" said Meg.

"Well, you may transfer him some of your magic energy accumulated in your body" said Daphne. "Well, that's all you need to know. However, if you dream something bad, remember that you can prevent it. Fate is not unchangeable. Well, goodbye!" said Daphne, before disappearing in another flash of green light.

"Okay, we must stop Brian from going to Jillian's apartment" said Meg.

"Big time" said Matt, as both rushed downstairs to the living room. There was Peter who was watching TV.

"Dad! Where's Brian?" asked Meg.

"He went to his stupid but awfully hot girlfriend's house " said Peter. "Why do you ask?"

"Peter, if we don't do something, Brian and Jillian WILL DIE!" shouted Matt.

"OH MY GOD!" shouted Peter. "Until now I've never realized that my left hand is a bit smaller than my right hand. Sorry, I wasn't listening, what did you say?"

Both Meg and Matt rolled their eyes and sighed in annoyance.

Meanwhile, at Jillian's apartment, Brian and Jillian are sat on a couch, hugging each other, watching an horror film.

"You really got a wonderful idea now that this night Nathalie has to work" said Jillian. "You and me, alone, spending a night together…"

"Yes, I'm enjoying it too" said Brian. "And for make sure that nobody will interrupt us, I've switched off my cell phone"

"Brian, have you thought about…you know…live together?" asked Jillian.

"Yes, but…I don't think that I'm prepared" said Brian. "Is not you, it's just…that I don't feel like leaving the Griffins"

"I know that feeling" said Jillian. "I also felt the same when I left my parent's house. But don't worry, this time I won't pressure you. We will live together when you're prepared, I don't mind how much I have to wait"

"I'm glad to hear it" said Brian. "Well, let's watch the movie"

"Oh my god! The assassin is going to get her! Get out of the house!" shouted Jillian to the screen.

"Jillian, she can't hear you" said Brian.

"GET OUT OF THE HOUSE!" shouted Jillian even louder. "Oh, she must be deaf, she didn't heard me and now the assassin got her!"

"Jillian, it's a movie, it isnt'-"

"Brian, this movie is too scary" said Jillian. "Why don't we go to bed and we do…you know…" said Jillian as he stroked Brian's chest with her finger.

"Make love?" asked Brian.

"Actually, I was thinking in play a pillow fight, but that sounds even better!" said Jillian. "Come on"

"You go first" said Brian. "I think I need to smoke" said Brian.

Meanwhile, Peter, Matt and Meg are in the family station wagon, speeding down the streets of Quahog, trying to arrive at Jillian's place as fast as possible.

"Damn! Brian has his cell turned off!" said Matt, who was trying to contact with the dog.

"Dad, do you know where does Jillian live?" asked Meg.

"Brian gave me her address. I don't know exactly where it is, but our GPS will do" said Peter.

"_Turn to the right in the next traffic circle" _said the suave female voice of the GPS. _"In Soviet Russia, traffic circles turn you" _Said the GPS in a deep male voice with strong Russian accent.

Peter then pulled out the GPS and threw it away.

"I'll ask a traffic policeman" said Peter.

Back at Jillian's house, Brian and Jillian are making love passionately, when Brian suddenly stops.

"Oogy, why did you stop?" asked Jillian.

"I smelled something…" said Brian "Like something that it's burning…Jillian, did you left something on the grill?"

"No…" said Jillian. "But now that you say it…yes, it's like something is burning…"

"I'll se what it is" said Brian as he went to see what it was. But when he opened the door, he saw that Jillian's apartment was on fire. "OH MY GOD!"

Back at Peter, Meg, and Matt, they finally arrived at Jillian's apartment block, even without with the GPS.

"Okay, this is the building. However, we don't know where Jillian lives" said Meg.

"Whoa, look at that!" said Peter pointed to a window of the building. "Those are good lamps!"

"Peter, what the hell are you talking about…?" asked Matt. Then he looked where Peter was pointing, to see that there was an apartment on fire. "That apartment is on fire!"

"That must be Jillian's, then" said Meg. "What are we going to do?"

"I'll tell you" said Matt. "You stay here and call the fire-fighters. Peter and I will try to enter and help Brian and Jillian to get out"

"Are you sure?" asked Meg, visibly worried. "It's like there's an inferno up there!"

"Don't worry, I will be back" said Matt. "Come on Peter!"

Peter and Matt rushed through the stairs until they reached Jillian's door.

"Crap, it's locked!" said Matt, who was trying to open the door. "Brian! Jillian! Can you hear me?"

However, nobody replied.

"Well, it seems that they're not there" said Peter. "We will come back tomorrow…"

"Peter, maybe they fell unconscious due to the smoke!" said Matt.

"ohhhhh, yes, it makes sense" said Peter. "But what are we going to do?"

"We need to think a way to open this door, and we need to think it FAST" urged Matt.

"Maybe I can help you" said a female voice. Peter and Matt turned back and they saw Rosie.

"Rosie? What are you doing here?" asked Matt. "And how did you get here so fast?"

"I came here because I have a hunch that you may need my abilities. And answering the second question, I came here flying" said Rosie.

"Don't lie, you can't fly" said Matt.

"No, but he can" said Rosie, pointing to Flare, who was near her.

"Rosie, you must get out of here NOW!" said Matt. "This place is dangerous!"

"I know, but I can be helpful too" said Rosie. Her eyes began to glow, and the door of the apartment opened with a click.

"Okay, that was good, but you shouldn't came here…" said Matt.

Matt and Peter were about to enter in the hell that Jillian's apartment has become, but they couldn't. The fire was to intense.

"Crap, we can't pass!" said Peter.

"Peter, look for a fire extinguisher!" said Matt.

"Sorry, but there aren't any fire extinguishers in any house of Quahog. Mayor West wanted all because he said that they were going to be used against crime…"

**Cutaway**

Mayor West is on a homemade Bat Mobile, with several fire extinguishers as propelling.

"Okay, now, time to fight crime!" said West as the 1960 Batman music theme plays in the background. However, when he starts the car, one of the front wheels fell off from the car, and the Bat Mobile began to spin around in circles.

**End Cutaway**

"Maybe I still can be helpful" said Rosie. "Flare!"

The phoenix entered in the house, opened his wings, and stood in mid-air like if some invisible force was holding him, and began to absorb the fire. He couldn't absorb too much fire; however, it was enough to let Peter and Matt to get inside and bring Brian and Jillian out.

"Do you still think that I shouldn't come here?" asked Rosie proudly.

"Yes…" muttered Matt.

The next day, everybody (including Jillian and Nathalie) are in the Griffin house talking about the incident of the last night. Matt decided not to tell Meg that Rosie was with them.

"You can stay here while your apartment is rebuilt" said Brian. "Since I was who unwittingly started the fire with my cigarette…"

"Well, where are we going to sleep?" asked Nathalie.

"You can sleep in these sleeping bags" said Lois. "I'd wish that we could offer you something better, but this is all that we have"

"Don't worry, Mrs. Griffin, it will be fine" said Nathalie. "Hey, Meg, I have an idea, how about a slumber party tonight?"

"Sounds great!" said Meg.

"Can I join in?" asked Jillian.

"I can't see why not" said Meg.

"How about me?" asked Stewie.

"Why I'm not surprised to hear that?" asked Brian.

"Well, I hope you have fun" said Matt. "I'll take this opportunity to sleep some more. I hope that the effects of the Tea of Dreams have faded already, I don't like the idea of playing Medium"

However, Matt will be playing Medium for some more time. Because, while Meg was having her slumber party with Nathalie, Jillian, and her other friends, he was dreaming with the future once more. He saw Jillian and Brian talking in the living room.

"_Jillian, did you want to talk with me?" asked Brian._

"_Yes, oogy. I don't know how to tell you this, but…"_

When Matt heard what Jillian just said, he suddenly woke up.

"Oh my god…!" shouted Matt.

**End Chapter**

**What is that important thing that Jillian will say to Brian? What future events will see Matt thanks to the magic tea? Find it out in the next chapter of the spellbook!**

**I don't do this as often as I should, but I'd like to thank everybody who reviews this story, contributing with feedback, suggestions or criticism. Don't forget to visit my forums, and thanks in advance for the reviews! It feels so good to be back!**


	26. Be careful what you dream for Part II

**Chapter ****26: Be careful what you dream for Part II**

**(A/N: Sorry for the lateness of this chapter, but I had some writer's block, and turning ideas into chapters has been really hard recently. Anyway, I hope that you'll enjoy this chapter, which wil focus on one of my favourite pairings. Reviews will be appreciated)**

While Meg, Jillian and Nathalie had their slumber party, Matt decided to get in bed and sleep some more. However, the side effect of the Tea of Dreams hasn't banished yet from him.

**Matt's Dream**

_Inside the Griffin__ house, Brian and Jillian were sat in the living room, watching TV, until Jillian switched it off._

"_Hey! Why did you do that?" complained Brian._

"_Oogi, we must talk" said Jillian. Her face reflected an inner anguish and some guilt._

"_What's troubling you, Jilly-bean?" asked Brian as he held her hands._

"_I don't know how to tell you this…" said Jillian, who was trying not to look directly into Brian's eyes._

"_Jillian, don't be afraid. Tell me what's happening" said Brian, worried._

"_It's about your laptop" said Jillian._

"_What about it?" said Brian._

"_I used it some days ago, and I've got a message warning me that it had a virus" explained Jillian. "I gave it chicken soups and orange juices, because that's what my parents gave me when I got sick when I was little…but it seems that it only got worse, and now it doesn't even run"_

"_That's all?" asked Brian._

"_Yes" said Jillian. "Aren't you angry?"_

"_Well, not exactly angry. What you did was wrong. You should told me about that" said Brian. "However, that laptop was old, and I planned to buy another one soon, so I guess that it's okay"_

"_Really?" said Jillian, relieved. "Oh, thanks, oogy, you're the best!" said Jillian as she hugged him._

"_I'm glad that you decided to talk me" said Brian._

_They both continued watching TV._

"_Oh, and one more thing" said Jillian suddenly. "I think that I'm pregnant"_

**End of Dream**

"WHOA!" said Matt as he suddenly woke up shocked. "Jillian's going to wreck Brian's computer! Wait…Jillian's pregnant!"

Seconds later he realized of two things: first one was that he was alone in the bed. And the second one was that it was almost 10:00 in the morning. At first he felt the urge of getting dressed and speed to the school, since it was very late, however, then he remembered that today the James Woods was closed because they were going to fumigate it due to several sightings of rats. He put on his usual clothes and went downstairs.

He entered in the kitchen and saw that the entire family, including their two guests, were having breakfast.

"Oh, hi, Matthew" greeted Lois. "How did you sleep tonight?"

"I know that it's late" said Meg before he could even answer. "But when I saw you sleeping so placidly, I decided not to wake you up. Besides, today the school is closed. Come on, sit down and have some breakfast"

"Yeah, Lois made those cinnamon pancakes!" said Peter as he filled his mouth with them.

"Yeah, they're so tasty!" said Jillian. "Say, oogy, don't you feel _knocked _by them?" asked Jillian.

Matt then startled at her pun.

"Sure" said Brian. "You know, Jillian, I've never see you eating that much"

"Me neither" replied Jillian. "It's like I have a little being inside me that eats all what I eat". Said Jillian. Matt startled again.

"Like if you were eaten for two people?" asked Peter.

"ENOUGH WITH THOSE DOUBLE MEANING JOKES INVOLVING PREGNANCY!!" shouted Matt as he suddenly stood up. Everybody then watched at him, worried.

"Matt, are you okay?" asked Meg.

"Yes…it's just…that I haven't slept enough…sorry" said Matt as he left the kitchen.

Later, that morning, Matt was watching TV when he's approached by Jillian.

"Hi Matt" said Jillian.

"Oh, hi, Jillian" said Matt, trying to sound upbeat. "What's up?"

"Brian borrowed me his computer. He told me that you actually can order your shopping on the internet!" sad Jillian cheerfully. "Isn't that cool?"

"Sure it is" said Matt. "Well, anyway, if the computer gets a virus, don't give it soup or orange juice, just call me, okay?" asked Matt. "I'm really good with computers"

**Flashback**

Somewhere in the Silicon Valley, Bill Gates wakes up and, after having some breakfast, he goes to the computer to check his emails.

"Monopoly sue, monopoly sue, monopoly sue…oh, an email from an admirer from Rhode Island" said Bill as he opened the email. However, after that, all his files began to delete at high speed. "What…what the hell? Noooooooo!!"

Meanwhile, in Quahog, Matt is sat in front of his computer, laughing.

"That's for making me to spoil 40 bucks on Windows Vista!" shouted Matt.

**End Flashback**

"Wait, why are you telling me this?" asked Jillian, confused.

"So readers don't get bored with an already repeated scene" said Matt.

"Huh?"

"Nevermind" said Matt. "Well, enjoy while you stay here…" said Matt as he walked away.

Matt then left the living room and went upstairs. He entered in his room, and there was Meg, looking at him with a worried face.

"Oh, hi…" said Matt.

"Matt, honey, is there something that you want to talk about?" asked Meg. "You acted really weird recently…"

"Oh, it's nothing, I can ensure you that" said Matt, trying to look confident.

"Matt, I know that you're lying" said Meg. "You left eye is twitching"

"Don't say such a stupid thing" replied Matt as his left eye twitched even faster. Meg looked at him with a bored expression. "Well, okay, yes, there's something that's troubling me…"

"It's okay" said Meg, as he stood up and came closer to him. "I'm your wife, you can tell me everything. What's wrong?"

"I had another dream" said Matt. "It was about Brian and Jillian"

"Did something bad happen to them?" asked Meg, showing some concern.

"Well, not exactly" said Matt. "Did you ever ask yourself if a dog could breed with a human woman?"

"Oh my God! Are you saying that Brian got Jillian knocked up?" asked Meg in shock.

"WHAT!?" said Brian in shock, who overheard part of the conversation.

"Uh oh…" said Meg.

Later, in the living room, Meg, Matt, and Brian are talking about Jillian's possible pregnancy.

"How could this happened?" asked Brian as he held his head in desperation.

"Brian, calm down…it was only a dream….maybe the effect of the Tea of Dreams banished before that" said Matt, trying to calm the dog.

"But what if it's true?" said Brian. "What I'm going to do? God, I think that I'm becoming even crazier than Mario after his umpteenth adventure in the Mushroom Kingdom"

**Flashback**

At Dr. Kaplan's office, Mario is lying on an armchair.

"Okay, Mario, you told me that you have an obsession about everybody spying or peeking on you" said Kaplan.

"Yes. But is not just an obsession!" said Mario in his exaggerated Italian accent.

"Mario, I think that this may be produced by stress" said Kaplan. "I mean, how many times did you saved Princess Peach from bowser? How many castles did you visited to discover that she was in another castle? And, if that wasn't enough, you decide to star in that kart games…"

"Doc, it's not stress. Look there!" shouted Mario, pointing to the window, which conveniently faced the Mushroom Kingdom. "Look, the mushrooms, the hills, the stars, the clouds, the sun…EVERYTHING HAS FREAKIN' EYES!!

**End Flashback**

"Brian, you shouldn't be that afraid of being a father" said Meg. "I mean, look at us, Matt and I are both 18 and we're raising a baby"

"Yeah" said Matt. "You only have to learn four words: The fun ends here" said Matt.

"Huh?"

Suddenly, rap music began to play in the background, Matt's usual clothes changed to gangsta clothes, and was also wearing sunglasses and ridiculously large golden medallions, and some black guys that looked like 50 Cent, Jay-Z and other bunch of rappers appeared behind him.

_THE FUN ENDS HERE!_

_Dude, you've made a mistake_

_Your life was a dream_

_But now you're goin' to wake_

_Because the funs ends here!_

_Say goodbye to the nights out_

_I tell you without doubt_

_Your chick's now hot_

_But soon she will not_

_But that's not the worst_

_Night's without sleeping a wink_

_Will make your head burst_

_And you will shout 'why does my life stink?'_

_Because the fun ends here!, _

_Say goodbye to enjoying your life_

_All that you'll get are strife with your wife_

_Wait, you don't have fear_

_Let me make you crystal clear_

_THE FUN ENDS HERE!!_

And Matt's musical number ends here.

"Wow, thanks for that Matt. Your little song made me feel _much _better" said Brian bitterly, making no efforts in hiding his cynicism.

"Brian, don't listen to him" said Meg. "Being parents is hard, I admit it, and it's even harder when you have my age, but is also one of the most rewarding experiences you'll have in your life." Said Meg, trying to cheer Brian.

"Anyway, if you need anything, just ask, okay?" asked Matt. "We'll be glad to help you"

"Thanks" said Brian. "But now I need to think a bit"

Meg and Matt got the hint and left the living room, leaving Brian alone with his thoughts. Despite he tried to be optimistic, Matt's rap had rumbled him. Now he had a really strong bond with Jillian. Even if she decided not to be Jillian's boyfriend anymore, he still had responsibilities towards the baby. And he didn't even had a job…

"So, that anorexic chick has a little Brian growing inside her body, doesn't she?" asked Stewie from upstairs, looking at Brian with malice.

"What the hell…? How much did you listened?" asked Brian, angered.

"Enough to know that your life is pretty screwed right now" said Stewie. "However, it isn't late"

"Late?" asked Brian. "What do you mean?"

"It's easy! Dump her. Soon another guy will be plowing her garden, and when she realized that she's pregnant, she won't think that the baby is yours"

"It's not that easy" said Brian. "I couldn't sleep doing such a mean thing to her and ditching my kid. I won't make the same mistake twice"

"Oh, come on Brian, why don't you ever follow my advices?" asked Stewie.

"First of all- wait, why the hell are you so interested in what I may do with my life?" asked Brian, realizing that he didn't have to answer Stewie's questions if he didn't want. "It's because, if decide to do this, I'll spend a lot of time with Jillian and my baby instead of spending time with you, isn't it?"

"No, not at all" said Stewie dryly.

Brian glared at him, and Stewie noticed it.

"I'm serious! Did you ever notice that, after Meg got that magic book, we barely spend time together? In fact, after that, nothing remotely interesting happened to any of us. It seems that all of the cool or exciting things only happen to Meg" said Stewie, pondering about his sudden downfall of screentime.

"Maybe you're right, but now I have more important issues to think in" said Brian, ending their conversation.

"Now that it comes to my mind, who told you that Jillian's pregnant?" asked Stewie.

"Matt had a dream about it" explained Brian. "You know, since a few days, everything that matt dreams comes true, so…" said Brian, but he was interrupted by Stewie.

"Brian, I think that you should confirm it before doing anything" advised Stewie.

"Hey…maybe you're right…maybe she's not pregnant!!" said Brian, cheered. "I'll talk to her right now!"

"You know, Brian? I realized that it's about time that I recover my lost prominence on this show! I'm going to go on an adventure, with or without you!" said Stewie. "Like old times!" and then Stewie picked his backpack, Rupert and left the house.

With renewed spirit, Brian walked to the kitchen. There, Peter, Lois, Jillian, Nathalie, Matt, Meg and Rosie were talking about random stuff.

"Jillian, we need to talk" said Brian. "In private" added Brian Peter and Lois' curious look. Brian and Jillian walked to the living room, while the rest remained at the kitchen.

"Is there something wrong, oogy?" asked Jillian a bit worried.

"I've been wondering…did you feel different recently?" asked Brian.

"Different?" asked Jillian, confused. "What do you mean?"

"Well, it's…did you have your period recently?" asked Brian.

"I won't have it until next week" said Jillian. "Why do you ask?"

"Oh, it's just that…" Brian then sighed, and looked her girlfriend to her eyes. "Jillian, I'm going to be sincere. I have reasons to think that you may be pregnant"

"What?" asked Jillian. "Oh, no! I can tell you for sure, I'm not pregnant at all"

"Wow, it's a relief to hear that" said Brian.

"Wow, Matt, that means that the effect of the Tea of Dream has banished!" said Meg as she and the rest of the family entered in the room.

"It seems so" said Matt, relieved of hearing the good news.

"Wait, you were peeking on us?" said Brian, outraged.

But, suddenly, Life appeared in front of them in a bright flash, smiling happily.

"Congratulations, Jillian!!" greeted Life. "Because you are now pregnant, and in nine months you'll give birth to two beautiful…" but Life's speech was interrupted when Jillian rolled her eyes and fainted. Death then made his appearance.

"She's only unconscious" said Life. "You owe me 50 bucks"

"How could it be?" complained Death as he handed her the money.

"I told you that just because my last pregnancy announcement made the future mothers to blow their brains out, doesn't mean that Jillian has to" explained Life.

Minutes later, after awaking Jillian, the whole family is discussing about the recent news.

"Oh my god" said Jillian. "How could this happen?"

"I'll tell you" said Peter. "When a man and a woman have sex, the…"

"Peter!" shouted Lois angrily.

"What?"

"First, I'm sure that Jillian knows how human reproductive system works, and second, I don't think that you should explain that in front of Rosie!" chastised Lois.

"What I'm going to do?" asked Jillian, as she held her head.

"Well, you could get an abortion" said Lois.

"WHAT DID YOU SAY?" asked Life in a dark, booming voice, as she grew an aura of darkness, and make the whole house to shake. "DON'T DARE TO SAY THAT WICKED WORD IN MY PRESNECE, UNDERSTAND!!??"

"Ye…Yes" stammered Lois.

"Fine" said Life happily in her normal voice, as her appearance went back to her usual. "I'm glad that we talked about it"

"Excuse her" said Death. "It's in her time of the month"

Life glared at Death coldly.

"Wait" said Brian. "You said that she's going to have TWO kids?" asked Brian.

"Correct" said Life. "Due to Jillian's family genetics, she's very prone to have twins in case of pregnancy."

"Well, we have to get back to work" said Death. "Life, would you want to go together after work to have dinner at some fancy but cheap restaurant?"

"Sure, why not" replied Life.

"It's a date?" asked Death, hopeful. Life took some moments to answer.

"Yes, it's a date" sighed Life. "Well, farewell!" said Life as she and Death disappeared with another flash.

"Wow Brian, you're going to be a dad…again!" said Meg.

"I guess that we should leave" interjected Nathalie. "Maybe they need some privacy to talk" said Nathalie as she and the others(except Peter and Rosie) left the room. Lois and Meg came back, Meg picked up Rosie and Lois dragged Peter out of the room.

Brian looked at Jillian. She was something between sad and shocked.

"Jillian…are you okay?" asked Brian.

"Yes…" said Jillian. Her voice seemed like a whisper. "It's just that…I wasn't expecting this…"

"Me neither" said Brian. "Have you thought what are we going to do?"

"People say that thinking isn't the best of me" said Jillian in the same tone. "But I'm not going to go through an abortion"

"Jillian…"

"Brian, sorry, I want to be alone for a moment" said Jillian, leaving the house.

The night arrived, and there was no trace of Jillian yet. However, they decided not to worry for the time being, since she'd need some time to get her mind straight. Brian was alone in the living room, watching TV, when he's approached by Lois.

"Hi, Brian" greeted Lois. "How are you?"

"Fine" said Brian. "Thanks for asking"

Lois sat near him.

"What are you going to do, Brian?" asked Lois. Brian had the feeling that he had heard that question a lot recently.

"Honestly, I have no idea" said Brian. "In fact, I don't even know if I want to be a father. Well, again"

"Brian I'm not going to lecture you because you're not my son, and if you were, you're old enough to know what to do, but you can't avoid your responsibility towards those kids" said Lois. She took a moment before continuing "Brian, do you really _love_ Jillian?"

"Of course I do!" replied Brian. "Why do you ask?"

"Well, after seeing your attitude towards this situation, it's a bit unclear if you truly love her" said Lois.

"Listen, I love her, okay?" replied the dog.

"Are you sure?" asked Lois again. "I mean, Brian, all your former girlfriends were like Jillian: girls with a body that any supermodel would kill for, but little in common with you when it comes to other things than sex. And it seems that Jillian it isn't different from the others. And you got her knocked up. Do you realize of what you've done? You practically changed her life forever, and now you tell me that you don't know if you want to be a father!"

"Listen, I love her for real!" shouted the dog. "People told me that I was only with her because of her body, and at first they were true, but when Jillian dumped me, I've realized of how idiot I was. I missed her as I never missed any other woman so badly that it hurt!" Brian took a moment to gasp for air, and then continued. "When she gave me another chance to be with her, I promised to myself not to waste that opportunity. Despite her many flaws and the little things we have in common, she's a great girl with lots of good things. I don't care what they say, I love Jillian!" shouted Brian. "Yes, I love her, even if she voted Republican!" said Brian.

That last statement shocked Lois.

"Really?" asked Lois.

"Yes" sighed Brian. "When I asked why she did that, she replied me that she preferred the Republic rather than the Empire"

Suddenly, Brian partially understood why Lois was so madly in love with such a fat moron like Peter. She must feel the same about him.

"Then, Brian, I'm sure that you know what to do" said Lois.

"Help Jillian to raise those babies" said the dog. "And the first step is getting a job"

"That's the spirit!" cheered Lois.

"If I can finish my novel before Jillian gives birth, I think I can…" was about to say Brian.

"Oh, will you let it go yet?" said Lois, annoyed. "Brian, you're an awful writer! Get a _real_ job! Why don't you do something you like?"

"Do you mean like that time that Peter decided to become a Shark Trainer, after watching that documental about sharks on the discovery channel?" asked Brian.

**Flashback**

Peter is in a pool, dressed with a neoprene suit, with a big hoop in his right hand and a piece of meat in the left hand.

"Come on, Shiny Teeth, jump through this hoop, and I'll give you this tasty piece of meat" said Peter.

"Peter, I think that you shouldn't do that…" advised Lois.

"Oh, Lois, why do you have to be always that negative?" said Peter annoyed.

Suddenly, a shark jumps out of the water, and tear his left arm off.

"Okay, Lois, call the hospital" said Peter.

**End Flashback**

…

The sun was slowly setting. Soon the night would fall in Quahog. Kids were returning home, people in general were closing their stores, and junkies and pushers began to took the control of the streets. In that moment, in the park, Jillian was alone on a bench, thinking in her recent pregnancy. Although she liked to think that Brian would help her with anything she may need, something told her that Brian would probably dump her and leave her alone to raise not one but two babies.

"_What I'm going to do?" _Though Jillian. _"I don't earn enough money for support two babies, and I don't think I can get a better job…"_

She then looked a couple going for a walk with a stroller. They seemed to be a really happy family. The sight of this make Jillian to smile a bit, but her smile quickly faded from her face when she realized that her life wouldn't be that idyllic. She also realized that, if Brian didn't care about her and their kids, she'd be alone to raise them, since no man would want her now. She was aware that after giving birth, her body, her perfect body she got after throwing up so much, would become fat and ugly. Although if she was able to recover her figure, she knew that men fled after hear the words 'single mother'.

Suddenly, a beeping noise snapped her from her thoughs.

"What's that annoying noise?" asked Jillian, as she began to look around. "Oh, no, it's in my head! I've thought so much that I'm going crazy"

"Excuse me young lady" said random man who walked near her. "But I think that that noise is your cell phone"

Jillian pulled out her cell phone, and, indeed, it was ringing.

"Oh, thank you" said Jillian. "It's that I changed the ringtone, and I didn't recognize it at first" said Jillian, trying to mask that embarrassing moment. He looked at the screen, and saw Brian's name flashing on it. He thought a moment before answering, but before she could do it, she felt that somebody put a funny-smelling handkerchief in her mouth, and felt unconscious.

Some hours later, back at the Griffin house…

"Damn" muttered Brian. "It seems that she doesn't want to talk with me"

"Just give her time" said Meg. "She'll need some time to get her feelings straight. I was really shocked and confused (and of course, scared) when I knew that I was pregnant"

"But then both of us realized that having Rosie was the best thing that happened in our life" said Matt.

Brian then looked through the window.

"It's late" said Brian, worried. "She should be here by now…"

"Brian" said Meg. "Both you and Jillian had a very hard day. You should go to bed" said Meg.

"Alright" said Brian in defeat, as he walked upstairs. Moments later, the rest of the Griffins and the Kennedys were in bed too, knowing nothing about Jillian. But that would change soon…

**Matt's Dream**

_Jillian woke up, and she saw that she was in some kind of back room. She was surrounded by four men. One was wearing sunglasses, the second one was on a wheelchair, the third one was a dwarf and the last one __was a huge guy with props._

"_Huh…where am I?" asked Jillian, as she began to look around. "And who are you?"_

"_We are…Quahog's Handicapped Mafia!" said the man with sunglasses (who was supposedly blind), as the camera zoom in and evil music plays in the background._

"_What?" asked Jillian._

"_The handicapped Mafia!" repeated the blind man as the camera zoom in again and the evil music is replayed. "I'm Jerry. The wheel chaired man is Rick, our best marksmanship, that guy with crutchs is Manny, and the giant over there is Greg" explained the blind man._

"'_That giant over there', ohhhhh, you're so funny!" said Greg sarcastically. "Making a height pun, you're really a genius!"_

"_Oh, come on Greg, grow a sense of humour?" asked Manny._

"_And a few more inches" added Rick, and everybody began to laugh._

"_Enough!" ordered Jerry. "Well, you must wonder why are you here. Well, weare running a Streaptease club, but we have a shortage of handicapped strippers, so you're going to work for us"_

"_Wait, I'm not handicapped!" complained Jillian._

"_You're mentally challenged, and that's enough for us" said Rick._

_Jillian just stared at them, confused._

"_Point proven. Anyway, this night will be your debut" said Jerry._

"_What if I refuse to work for you?" said Jillian._

"_We will kill your family" said Jerry dryly._

**End of Dream.**

"WHOA!!" shouted Matt as he suddenly woke up. She looked at the clock on the bedside table. It was 3:45 in the morning. She then began to shake Meg. "Meg, Meg, wake up!"

"Huh…what do you want?" asked Meg, sleepy.

"I had a dream!" said Matt.

"Just like Martin Luther King" said Meg. "Good night…"

"No, Meg, you don't understand! It was about Jillian!" said Matt. Suddenly, Meg woke up.

"You had an erotic dream with Jillian!?" asked Meg, angered.

"No!" said Matt. "I saw what happened to her! She was kidnapped by the Handicapped Mafia!" said Matt as an evil music played in the background.

"What?"

"The Handicapped Mafia!" said Matt as the evil music was replayed. "We have to do something!"

Later, after waking up the rest of the family, everybody in the living room is planning what to do.

"Tell us that again what you dreamed" said Lois.

"Jillian has been kidnapped by the handicapped Mafia, and they're forcing her to work as a stripper among others handicapped strippers" explained Matt.

"Oh my God! That's why she didn't answer my calls nor she came home!" said Brian, really worried.

"Wait" said Nathalie. "Jillian it isn't handicapped"

"Her really low intellect is fine for them as a handicap" said Matt.

"Well, there's only one thing who can deal with the Handicapped Mafia…" said Peter. "And that's a Handicapped cop!"

Later, at Joe's house, Peter is explaining him what happened.

"…and that's what happened" said Peter. "Will you help us?"

"Peter, you just come here and say 'and that's what happened'. How the hell I'm supposed to help you?" said Joe, annoyed.

"Joe, my girlfriend has been kidnapped by the handicapped Mafia and she's being forced to work at their Striptease Club! You must help us!" begged Brian.

"The Handicapped Mafia…" said Joe as the camera zoomed in, his face adopted an angry expression and dramatic music is played. "I've never heard about them, but I'll help you" said Joe nonchalantly.

Later, using Joe's Police Van, the Griffins, The Kennedys, Joe and Nathalie are in front of the Striptease Club.

"Okay, this is the plan. Two girls will pretend to be handicapped girls who want to be strippers. When you're in, you'll open the back door, and Peter, Brian, Matt and me will enter and rescue Jillian. Right?" said Joe, and everybody nodded in response.

"Any volunteers?" asked Brian.

"Me" said Nathalie. "Jillian is my friend and my roommate, and I think I'm pretty enough for impress those guys"

"I'll go with you" said Lois. "In fact, I think that I'm the only woman who was supermodel at the age of 40. People must think that my hotness is exaggeratedly played up, but it's not"

"Yes. I'll pretend to be blind and you'll pretend to be deaf" said Nat.

"No" said Joe. "They could suspect. We will make sure that they buy that you're handicapped" said Joe before pulling his gun and shooting Lois in the leg and Nathalie in the arm.

"WHAT THE HELL!" shouted Nathalie as she held her arm in pain.

"DID YOU GO CRAZY, YOU STUPID JERK!?" shouted Lois.

"Lois, why don't you grow some sense of sacrifice?" asked Peter. "We're trying to help Jillian, okay? Now you two go in that club ruled by criminals and risk oyur life for Jillian while I'm here, in the safety of Joe's van"

After bandage Lois and Nathalie's wounds, they entered in the club.

"What do you want?" asked the porter.

"Hello, we're handicapped strippers who are looking for job" said Lois. "Are there any vacants?"

"Sure!" said the porter. "We have a shortage of handicapped strippers. Come in and go to the backstage. Jerry will tell you what to do"

Lois and Nat entered in the club.

"This is going to be better than that time I started a random flashback" said Peter, picking a gun.

**Cutaway**

"Hey Lois, remember that time I _(past-tense verb)_ at _(location)_ with _('60-'80s hasbeen almost nobody remembers and most of the target audience never heard of)_? Nyeah nyeah nyeah nyeah..."

That's it. All of Peter's flashbacks compressed in one sentence.

What? Do you expect me to go through every time we've started a random flashback? God! That would take forever!

**(A/N:Credit goes for Material for the idea of this flashback)**

**End Cutaway**

Meanwhile, Peter, Joe, Matt and Brian, armed with guns, are waiting in the back door.

"Do you think that they'll do it?" asked Brian, worried.

"We can't do anything but trust them" said Matt.

"I heard something!" said Joe. "Somebody is opening the door!"

Everybody got ready to fight, but they quickly sighted in relief to see that it was Nathalie.

"It's clear" said Nathalie, who was dressed as a hooker. "But you must be quick. There many handicapped mobsters there"

"Well done. Now go back to the van and call for reinforcements. The party is going to start!" said Joe as he cocked his gun.

"Wait, where's Lois?" asked Peter.

"Having the time of her life" said Nathalie. "You know, I've never seen any woman enjoying this kind of 'job' so much"

"Okay, time to save my girlfriend!" said Brian.

The team burst in the building, and began to look for Jillian. After several minutes looking, they found her in the strippers' locker room.

"Jillian!" said Brian.

"Oogy?" said Jillian, happy to hear his voice. "It's you?"

"Yes, Jilly-bean, it's me! I've came here to rescue you!" said Brian.

Jillian then rushed to Brian, and hugged him with all her might.

"Oh, Brian!" cried Jillian. "I'm so happy that you're here! I was so scared! They wanted me to go out there in my underwear!"

"Yah, that would be awful" said Peter sarcastically.

"Okay, we need to get out of here!" urged Matt. "Where's the exit?"

"Right here!" said Peter pointing to a nearby door. They followed him, but instead of going outside, they were in the stage, where several handicapped strippers where dancing for the club's customers.

"What the hell is this?" asked Jerry, who was in the bar.

"They're trying to take away one of our precious handicapped strippers!" said Manny.

"They send a handicapped cop for arrest us!" said Rick, noticing Joe.

"A handicapped cop? What the hell? Why they don't send regular cops? Are we such a second-class criminals?" complained Manny.

"DO YOU HAVE ANY PROBLEM WITH MY HANDICAP, YOU STEROID FAG?" shouted Joe.

"Yeah, we shouldn't discriminate him" said Jerry. "Manny, kill them!"

Manny then raised one of his props, and pulled a hidden trigger, revealing that the crutch was a machine gun. As the machine gun-crutch, fired, Peter's team hide under a table, while the rest of strippers and customers ran away.

"Come on, you fags, come out!" challenged Manny.

"Okay, this is the plan" said Peter. "Brian, escort Jillian outside. Matt, deal with the huge muscular man with the machine gun-crutch while I deal with the midget"

"Wait, why I have to deal with the most dangerous?" asked Matt.

"Because I have a family that depends on me" said Peter.

"Me too!" said Matt.

"Hey, what about me?" asked Joe.

"You're handicapped. What the hell can you do?" teased Peter.

"How about THIS?" said Joe before hurling Peter's head against the table several times.

"Okay, you convinced me" said Peter. "You can take care of all of them if you want"

"Excellent!" said Joe, before getting into a gunfight with the mobsters.

"Peter! Matt!" said Lois, who rushed to them and hide under the same table.

"Lois! You're alright!" said Peter before hugging her.

"Are Brian and Jillian okay?" asked Lois.

"Sure, they are outside" said Matt. "But now we're trapped here. Joe is fighting against the mobsters, but we don't know if Joe can deal with…"

"Okay, I took down three of them, only the chief rest!" said Joe.

"You know, I still don't know why we're always teasing on Joe with his handicap when he can do things no regular man can do" said Peter.

"Hey, it isn't that Quagmire?" asked Matt, who was pointing a man hiding under another table.

"Hey, Quagmire!" said Peter, as he waved him happily.

"Oh, hi, Peter" said Quagmire, waving back.

"What are you doing here?" asked Lois.

"I realized that I never tried handicapped sex before, so I came here" explained Quagmire.

"Oh, you don't miss anything" said Lois. "Handicapped sex is really depressing"

"Hey, how do you know that?" asked Peter.

"Bonnie must told her" interjected Matt.

"Yeah…Bonnie told me" said Lois, all shifty eyed.

Back in the gunfight, Joe is dealing with Jerry, the blind mobster.

"Surrender to the law, you scum!" shouted Joe.

"Never!" said Jerry, as he shot back.

Suddenly, Joe ran out of ammo.

"Ha! You're now defenceless!" said Jerry, triumphal.

"I won't say that!" said Joe before tossing the gun at him, but Jerry was able to dodge it. "Wait, you dodged it! You're not blind!"

"He's not blind?" said the phoney shouting guy. "He's a phoney! He's a big pho-" but the phoney shouting guy was silenced by Peter, who shot him in the head.

"God, I really hate that guy" said Peter.

"You're not blind?" asked Manny, who was in the floor, with a gunshot wound in the arm. "How could you?

"You lied to us!" said Rick.

"I can explain!" said Jerry. "I wanted to be part of the Mafia after watching the Godfather, but the real mafia rejected me!" cried Jerry. "Then I pretended to be handicapped so I could be part of this group! You can't kick me out! The Mafia is all for me!"

"And you were always making puns of my height!" said Gerg. "Look, I may be small, but at least I'm not such a pathetic faker like you!"

Joe took advantage of the situation and knocked him out with a chair.

Later, in the morning, back in the Griffin house, the family is in the living room, still recovering from the shock of the last hours.

"Thanks to everybody for saving me" said Jillian. "Specially you, Brian." Said Jillian before kissing the dog in the nose.

"Jillian, I wanted to tell you that I'll help you with the babies" said Brian. "As soon as I can, I'll get a job!"

"Thank you" said Jillian, as she hugged Brian.

"Well, who wants breakfast?" asked Lois, and everybody except Rosie went to the kitchen.

Then, Stewie walked in the house.

"So, I'm back!" said Stewie.

"Where were you?" asked Rosie.

"Oh, just living an adventure like the old times" said Stewie. "Say, did I miss anything interesting?"

"Sure you did!" said Rosie. "Jillian was pregnant, and then she was kidnapped by the Mafia, so we had to infiltrate in their club and rescue her. I didn't see it very closely, but it was so amazing! There were gunshots, fights, shocking revelations and even a humorous moment!" said Rosie. "And what about you? What you've done?"

"I've been in Canada, in China, in Egypt, in Spain, and in Mexico, living an adventure!" said Stewie. "The readers will now be commenting in the reviews how amazing my adventure was!"

"Sorry, but I think that what you've done was the equal of being in the backstage doing nothing" said Rosie.

"You're point being?"

"Nobody saw you doing all those things across the world" said Rosie.

"…"

"Stewie, are you okay?" asked Rosie. "Oh, I think that his brain exploded" said Rosie when he noticed blood leaking from his ear.

**End Chapter**


	27. The little Megmaid

**Chapter ****27: The little Megmaid**

**(Author's note: I fixed some spelling errors. I also forgot to say that, due to somebody who flamed several stories, I disabled anonymous reviews. Enjoy the chapter)**

Matt and Meg, on Matt's motorbike, were heading to the James Woods High.

"God, I hate it" said Meg.

"Hate what?" replied Matt.

"Today is the day we must choose the sport class we're going to do during the course" said Meg.

"Oh, and why is that so bad?" asked Matt.

"Because I practically suck at every sport!" said Meg. "Last year I tried Volleyball, the year before I tried soccer, the year before tennis…it seems that there isn't any sport in which I can succeed"

"Oh, don't say that" said Matt, trying to cheer his wife. "I'm sure that there's must be some sport you're good at"

"Do you think that?" asked Meg.

"Sure! Everybody is good at something" said Matt. "For example, before becoming the Evil multi millionaire owner of Microsoft, Bill Gates also created the Nerd Humour"

**Cutaway**

A 13 year old Bill Gates is selling T-shirts in a street market. The T-shirts have this written on it:

_There are only 10 types of person in the world. Those who understand binary and those who don't_

(A/N: Sadly, I'm of the first type)

**End Cutaway**

In the James Woods, all the students were in the gym, where they had to choose the sport for the rest of the course.

"Okay, I'm on the basketball team" said Matt cheered. "The coach says that I'm very good three point shooter"

"I'm glad to hear it" said Meg, a bit downbeat.

"Didn't you choose a sport yet?" asked Matt.

"No, I told you" said Meg. "Nobody wants me!"

"That can't be true" said Matt. "I'm sure that there must be something that you didn't try…"

"Check out guys!" said Nathalie, cheerful. "I signed for the swimming team!"

"Hey, that's it!" said Matt. "You haven't tried at swimming yet"

"Considering that everybody except you throws up every time they see me in my underwear or wearing a swimsuit, I don't think that's a good idea" said Meg sadly.

"Come on, give it a try" said Nathalie. "Besides, it would be cool if we could be together in the same sport"

"You know what? You're right!" said Meg, as she walked to the table and signed for the team.

"The testing trials will be after school" said Nathalie. "I hope that we both pass"

And after school Meg, Nathalie, and the other swimmers, are in the school pool , wearing their swimsuits, ready for the trial.

"Okay, ladies" said the coach, a strong looking guy, whose face reassembled Stallone's. "When I call your names, you'll jump to the pool and do a lap as fast as you can, okay?"

All the girls nodded in response. As the coach began to say the names, the girls jumped to the pool and swam as fast as they could. The coach was constantly shouting at them to put more effort in the swim.

"Clarkson! To the water!" shouted the coach.

"Yes, sir!" said Nathalie, who has startled after hear her name. Nathalie jumped to the water and did a very good time.

"Very good" said the coach, unimpressed. "Kennedy, you go next!"

"Okay…" said Meg.

Meg jumped to the water, and swam as there's no tomorrow. When she completed her lap, she looked at the coach, who was looking at his stopwatch.

"How did I do it?" asked Meg.

"Really impressive" said the coach. "You know, despite your unattractive body, you have some skill in swimming"

"Really?" said Meg, with her hopes high.

"Sure" said the coach. "Who's next…?"

"Sorry, mister, I'm late" said a new female voice that Meg instantly recognized.

"Connie!" said Meg.

"Oh, hi Meg" said Connie. "It isn't a surprise to see you here"

"Why?"

"Sea cows live in the water, after all" said Connie, before laughing at her joke.

"Meg, just tell me, and I'll erase that smile from her face" whispered Nathalie to Meg.

"Enough chitchat!" said the coach. "Let's see what you can do!"

Connie jumped to the water, and made a really fast lap. The coach seemed to be impressed.

"Wow, it was really good, almost as good as Kennedy" said the coach, looking at his stopwatch. "But with some training, you could even be better"

"God, I knew that it was too beautiful to be true" said Meg. "Whenever I can be good at anything, somebody will crush me"

"Meg, don't be so down" said Nathalie. "Did you hear what he say? You're still better! And if you train hard, you'll keep being better"

"Yes, you're right!" said Meg. "Thanks, Nat. You always know what to say for cheering me up"

"That's what friends are for" replied Nathalie, smiling.

"Okay, everybody, listen to me" said the coach. "In two weeks will be another trial. The winner of that trial will go to the state swimming competition, so I want everybody to train a lot. Kennedy and D'Amico are the best swimmers by the moment, but I want everybody to train a lot"

"Did you hear that?" asked Meg. "That would be our chance to win a trophy!"

"Big time. Since I spend all my childhood learning how to hunt witches, I've never been able to do something normal like this" said Nathalie.

"Well, we should get back at home" said Meg.

Later, in the Griffin house, everybody is having dinner, when Lois decides to break the silence.

"So, how was your day at the school?" asked Lois. "Meg told me that today you had to choose a sport"

"I've chosen basketball" said Matt. "Although I'm the only white guy in the team"

"Matt, basketball is one of the many things that are not for white people" said Peter. "Just like going to college is only for white guys"

"Peter, that's mean!" said Lois. "Besides, I had a black friend who went to Harvard"

"Yeah, and he got a job as the janitor!" said Brian as he laughed and high fived Peter. "God, I need to get rid of these racist outbursts"

(A/N: No offense to black people)

"Nathalie and I are in the swimming team" said Meg. "But Connie is too"

"So, the blonde skank strikes again" said Matt.

"There's going to be a competition in two weeks, and I need to improve so I can beat that bitch!" said Meg.

"You can tell mom to help you" said Chris. "She was an elite swimmer"

"Yeah, but then she got knocked up with you and you crashed her dreams and doomed her to be a housewife" said Peter.

"That's not true!" said Lois. "Meg, of course I'll help you to win"

"Thanks mom! You're the best!" said Meg as she hugged her.

"Besides, it would be a great chance to fulfill my broken dreams through you" said Lois.

"What?"

"I said that it would be a great chance to share some time together as mother and daughter and bond with each other" rectified Lois. "Okay, Meg, I'll make you sweat, I'll make you suffer, but you're going to thank me, because I'm going to turn you into a champion. We will start tomorrow"

"Fine!" said Meg happy. "Now that mom's going to train me, Connie's chances to win are smaller than Americans using the international metric system"

(A/N: No offense to Americans, but…come on!)

The next morning, even before the sun rose in the horizon, Meg and Matt were placidly sleeping, hugging each other, until they were abruptly waken up by the loud sound of a whistle. Both Meg and Matt jumped from the bed and fell to the floor.

"What the…?" said Meg in shock.

"Come on, get up!" said Lois, who was dressed with a yellow shirt and white shorts, and was wearing a whistle around her neck. "We have a lot to do!"

"What…what time is it?" asked Meg.

"5:30 in the morning" said Lois. "Come on, we have to make the most of the morning"

"But mom-"

"Meg, while I'm wearing this whistle, I'm not your mom, but your trainer! SO MOVE YOUR ASS ALREADY!!" shouted Lois.

Moved by the fear inspired by her mother, meg quickly got up and got dressed.

"Okay, let's start with a little warming! Run 30 laps around the house!" ordered Lois.

"But-"

"NOW!"

Meg then ran out of the room.

"Lois, don't you think you're being a bit harsh on her?" asked Matt, a bit sleepy.

"Maybe, but this is the only way she can improve" said Lois, as she looked through the window how her daughter ran around the house. "When I'm done with her, she'll be the best swimmer of Quahog"

"Okay" said Matt, before falling asleep again.

…

Hours later, after the kids came back from school and Peter came back from the brewery, everybody was sat on the kitchen, waiting for Lois to serve the food.

"Okay, who want some of my meatloaf?" asked Lois, holding a big pot.

"Oh, me, me!" said Rosie, as he began to bump up and down. "I love your meatloaf, grandma"

"You always have to make everything about yourself, don't you?" asked Stewie bitterly.

"What?" asked Rosie, confused.

"First you stole my spotlight, and now you want to take away my mother's love!" said Stewie.

"You hate grandma" said Rosie.

"Stewie, Rosie, stop, please!" interjected Lois. "If you don't behave, you won't have any food!"

"Give me a big piece!" said Meg. "After all the training I'm really exhausted and hungry"

"Oh, Meg, you won't have any meatloaf" said Lois. She then served a plate of salad to her. "You'll have this salad"

"What? Why?" asked Meg in frustration.

"Because this is the best for you. The salad will give you all the vitamins and energy you'll need to keep improving in swimming" explained Lois. "I will also make you a protein shake"

"Oh, God this sucks!" complained Meg, as she saw how the rest of the family tasted the meat while she had to eat that tasteless salad.

"Well, Meg, that's the price you have to pay for becoming a winner" said Matt. "Although you may not enjoy your victory, like when Bowser finally defeated Mario"

**Cutaway**

We see the Mushroom Kingdom, in an alternate universe where Bowser has finally defeated Mario, kept Princess Peach as his permanent hostage and sex slave, and became the absolute ruler of the kingdom. He's watching TV when a koopaling bursts in his room.

"Your highness, we have an emergency!" said the koopaling.

"What's going on? Are we going to star in another crossover game with Sonic?" asked Bowser.

"No, even worse! Take a look to the kingdom!" said the turtle.

To Bowser's horror, all the pipes were pouring sewer water constantly, killing the plants, and contaminating everything.

"Good job Bowser!" said a Goomba sarcastically. "You had a really good idea when you killed the _only plumber in the whole kingdom_!"

**End Cutaway**

"That's not true" said Lois. "You'll see that all the effort we did in training was completely worth of it. Also, we're going to train more this afternoon in Joe's pool"

"Wait, wait, wait" said Peter in shock. "Lois, are you telling me that Joe borrowed you his pool? How did you do it?"

"Oh, I can very very persuasive if I want…"said Lois as she smiled evilly.

**Flashback**

Lois is standing in front of Joe's house door with a baseball bat, when Joe opens the door.

"Hello, Lois, what do you want?" asked Joe. "Be quick, because we're packing"

"Are you going to go somewhere?" asked Lois.

"To Providence. My mom is sick and we're going to spend some days with her. Anyway, what do you want?" asked Joe.

"Look! I found your bat you lost last month!" said Lois as she handed the bat to Joe.

"My lucky bat! Thanks, Lois!" said Joe, happy. "If I can do something in return for you…"

"Now that you say it, yes. Meg is on the school's swimming team ad it would be nice if we could use your pool while you're out" said Lois.

"Sure, why not" said Joe as he handed Lois a copy of the pool's keyset.

**End Flashback**

"Cool, we have a pool!" said Chris. "Hey, I made a rhyme!"

"No! The pool is only for Meg. She needs it to train" said Lois.

"Awwwww…" said everybody else in unison.

"Also, somebody must take care of Stewie and Rosie since we'll be busy with her training" said Lois.

"Sorry, but I can't. I also have basketball training this afternoon" said Matt.

"Me neither" said Brian. "I promised Jillian that I'll go with her to the mart for buying baby stuff" said Brian.

"Me neither" said Chris. "I have to study"

"Me neither" said Peter. "I…"

"Peter, you're the only one who has free time in the afternoon, so you'll take care of them" said Lois.

"Oh, come on!" complained Peter. "You'd ever didn't give me time to invent an excuse before lumbering me with this!"

Later, while Lois and Meg were in Joe's pool training, Peter took the babies to the park.

"Okay" said Peter before sitting on a bench. "Now be good kids and try to amuse yourself without making me to stand up from this bench, alright?"

"Don't worry Fatman" said Stewie sarcastically. "I don't think that any of us will need a wide load"

Stewie and Rosie then entered in the playground, where other toddlers were playing.

"Ah, the playground, my old domain" said Stewie, nostalgic. "How many lives killed, how many pain inflicted, how much joy in my heart…"

"What the hell are you saying?" asked Rosie.

"This, my dear niece, is where my conquest of the world begins. Now, if you excuse me, I need to show everybody who's in command" said Stewie as he walked toward some infants.

"Okay. I'll be playing on the sandbox" said Rosie as she walked away.

Stewie then was going to climb on the jungle gym, when he heard a really familiar voice.

"So, it seems that we see again, Stewart!" said a voice.

"What the…?" Stewie turned around and became surprised when he saw his half brother Bertram.

"Bertram!" said Stewie. "What are you doing here?"

"Oh, I just came here to play, like you" said Bertram nonchalantly. "Oh, and for retake my lost empire"

"Well, forget about it, Bertram. I defeated you once and you recognized your defeat!" said Stewie.

"Yes, but, let's say that I want to get my own back" said Bertram calmly.

"No way!" said Stewie as he pulled out his raygun. However, Bertram was faster, as he pulled out another raygun and disarmed Stewie.

"No, prepare to die, Stewart!" said Bertram, triumphal.

"You bastard! I spared your life!" shouted Stewie.

"And THAT was your worst mistake!" said Bertram.

Bertram fired, but Stewie was able to dodge and run away. Bertram, however, didn't want to let Stewie to escape alive, so he chased him.

Meanwhile, in the sandbox, Rosie is building a sandcastle using her powers, but being careful that nobody watches her using them.

"ROSIEEEEEEEEEE!!" shouted Stewie as he hides behind her, destroying the castle.

"Stewie!" said Rosie, angered. "Look what you've done! You destroyed Lady Gabrielle's castle! How the hell is she going to defend from the barbarian attacks now?"

"Rosie, you must help me!" cried Stewie.

"A-ha! There you are!" said Bertram, who was running towards them. "Oh, hiding behind a woman. I've never expected that you would sink that low, Stewart"

Rosie then looked at Bertram.

"Hey, he looks a lot like you, except that he's much uglier. Did you try to clone yourself again?" asked Rosie.

"Ugly?" said Bertram, offended. "I'm going to teach you to call me ugly!"

"Rosie, get rid of him!" said Stewie.

"Okaaaaay…" sighed Rosie, then she looked at Bertram. "Listen, ugly kid, why don't you get lost before I get angry?"

"Ohhhh, Stewie's girlfriend is threatening me! I'm so scared!" mocked Bertram.

"Hey! I'm not his girlfriend!" said Rosie.

"Anyway, what's going to happen if you get angry, little girl?" teased Bertram, before noticing a blue shine in Rosie's eyes. "Hey, what's wrong with your eyes?"

Suddenly, Bertram's raygun fled from his hand and landed on Stewie's hand.

"Haha! Victory is mine!" shouted Stewie.

"What the deuce? Who's this girl?" asked Bertram.

"Oh, how impolite I am" said Stewie, grinning. "Bertram, meet Rose Mary Kennedy. She's my niece. Did I mention that she has magic powers?"

"What!?"

"As you can see, with Rosie at my side you have no chances of killing me" said Stewie. "And now, let's not do the same mistake twice" said Stewie as he aimed at Bertram.

"Sorry, but I won't meet my end today! Soon, you and your girlfriend will fall like dominoes!" said Bertram before throwing a smoke bomb.

"I'm NOT his girlfriend!!" shouted Rosie.

However, when the smoke faded, Bertram was still there, coughing and fighting for breathe. "Wait" said Bertram as he wore a gas mask. Then he threw another smoke bomb, and disappeared.

"Do you think that we will see him again?" asked Rosie.

"I don't think so. We taught him who's in charge here" said Stewie. However, Stewie was sadly mistaken. Anyway, back to the Griffin house, where Meg comes from her training…

"So, how it was?" asked Matt, who was watching TV, when he saw Meg and Lois coming in.

"It was good" said Lois. "But Meg needs more training to improve"

"Mom, I don't think that I can keep going…" said Meg, exhausted.

"Don't say that! We will train more. I didn't raise any of my children to be losers!" said Lois.

"I'm going to bed…" said Meg, as she slowly walked upstairs.

"This soon?" asked Matt, a bit surprised.

"Yes. I woke up at 5 am and have been training all the time I haven't been at school, so, yes, I'm going to sleep" said Meg.

"Poor Meg, she's so tired" said Matt.

"Well, it's the price you must pay if you want to be a champion. There isn't any short cuts to become an elite swimmer" said Lois.

However, Meg, who heard this, instantly knew that there was a short cut. Ignoring the tiredness, she quickly rushed to her bedroom.

"Okay, I don't liked that reaction" said Matt, who followed her wife. When he entered in Meg's room, he saw her turning the pages of the spellbook. "What are you doing?"

"It isn't obvious?" said Meg. "Trying to find a spell that makes me a better swimmer"

"But that would be like cheating" said Matt. "I know that you hate Connie and don't want to see her winning, but that would be unfair for the rest of the competitors"

"Matt, honey, when I want somebody to lecture me, I talk with mom, okay?" said Meg bitterly.

Meanwhile, outside the house, Timmy Turner, accompanied by his godparents Cosmo and Wanda, was looking though the window and heard all the conversation.

"This isn't fair!" said Timmy. "Why the hell she can use magic to win a competition but I can't?"

"Sorry, sweetie, but Da Rules say it clear" said Wanda "I don't know what kind of magic source is using that girl, but-"

"Hey, I have an idea! I wish I can change Da Rules" said Timmy.

"Sorry again, but you can't use a wish to change Da Rules" said Wanda. "Right, Cosmo?"

"Hey, look at me, I have a fork tucked in my eyelid!" said Cosmo happily. "I'm-AAHHHHHHH!! MY EYE!!" shouted Cosmo.

"God, this sucks! I hate you! What's the meaning of having godparents if you can't ask for any cool wishes! I wish I was dead!" cried Timmy.

"Actually, death is one of the many things that are forbidden by Da Rules and…"

"AAAAAHAHAHHHHH!!" shouted Timmy. "I HATE DA RULES!!"

(A/N: Thanks to Haylias for the idea of this Flashback)

Back to Meg's room, she just has found the right spell for her purposes.

"I found something!" said Meg, excited. "This spell will allow me to move faster on water"

"Well, it seems that you're determined to do it. I only hope that you know what are you doing" advised Matt.

"Sure I am" said Meg, self confident.

The very next day, Meg woke up very excited, and couldn't wait for check the effects of her spell. However, when she was about to get up, she suddenly fell on the floor.

"What the hell?" asked Meg. "Why I can move my legs?"

However, when she saw what happened to her legs, let out a scream so loud that awoke everybody in Quahog.

"So, you want a shouting contest, Quahog?" said Adam West. "AAAAAAHHHHH!AHHHHHHH! I'm winning! AAAAHHHHHH!"

Back to the Griffin house, everybody then rushed to Meg's room to see what's happening.

"Meg, what's going on?" asked Lois.

"Yeah, I hope it's important! You interrupted my dream in which Spielberg finally answered my mails and made a crossover movie between Indiana Jones and Jurassic Park!"

"Dad! Mom! Look at my legs!" said Meg.

To everybody's amazement, Meg had a long fish tail instead of her legs.

"Oh my god!" shouted Rosie. "Mom's a mermaid!"

"Meg, I know that this is not the best moment, but…" was about to say Matt.

"Don't say it!" said Meg.

"…I told you"

"Meg, can you explain me what's going on?" asked Lois.

"Well…I wanted to win the competition…but the training was very rough…so I looked for a spell that could make me a better swimmer" said Meg.

"Well, aside from this inconvenient, you did it" said Chris.

"God, we need to do something" said Lois. "Did you see if there was a counterspell for this?"

"Let me see" said Matt as he took the spellbook and began to have a look at the book. "Crap, we have a problem"

"What is it? Please don't tell me that the spell is irreversible" begged Meg. Then she began to scratch her body. "Why I feel so itchy?"

"No, it seems that the effects can be dispelled with a potion" said Matt. "But I found here that mermaids are amphibians, therefore their bodies need to be wet. If your body remains more than five minutes dry…you'll die!!" shouted Matt.

"Oh My god! We have to do something!" said Lois.

"I'll fill the bathtub!" said Brian.

"Good idea!" said Peter. "I think that I need a bath"

"Peter, that's for Meg!" said Lois angrily.

"Meg this, Meg that, I'm tired of Meg getting attention from everybody!" cried Peter in a very childish manner. "This is worst than that time I tried to fix Street Fighter"

**Flashback**

Ryu is going to fight Mr Bison.

"Okay, ready to eat pavement?" asked Ryu.

"You have NO CHANCES to win me, maggot!" teased Bison.

Suddenlt, Peter walked in the stage before they could fight.

"Hey, before you start, there's something I want to ask you one thing, Ryu" said Peter. "That hadouken thing, I mean, how can you do that? But that's not the only thing that bugs me. I mean, while you and some other characters can do that, others can't. Therefore, those characters are less attractive for the players, who always choose the characters with some kind of projectile, while other good characters are screwed up. What do you have to say to that, big man?"

Ryu just stared at him blankly for a moment.

"SHORYUKEN!!" shouted Ryu as he uppercut Peter.

**End Flashback**

Minutes later, Rosie was playing alone with her dolls in the back lawn, when she heard something approaching.

"Who's there?" asked Rosie.

Bertram then walked in.

"YOU!" said Rosie. "What do you want?"

"Oh, nothing, my dear half niece" said Bertram innocently. "I didn't come here to fight"

"What do you want, then?" asked Rosie, still wary.

"Well, after our brief encounter, I realized that you seem to be a nice girl, and I want you and me to be friends" said Bertram. "And, for proving it, I bought you a present" said Bertram as he pulled out a box with present wrap and a bow.

"Wow, thanks a lot!" said Rosie as she took the present and opened it. "Maybe you're not that bad…" However, when Rosie opened the box, a green gas came from the inside, knocking her unconscious.

"Victory is mine!!" shouted Bertram as he carried Rosie's body away.

Meanwhile, Meg is in the bathtub, along with Matt.

"How could this happen?" asked Meg in frustration, looking at her tail.

"I though that you learned to be more cautious using magic, but it seems that I was wrong" said Matt.

"Oh, will you stop bitching around and think in something to fix this mess?" said Meg, annoyed.

"Well, I saw that there's a potion that dispels the effect, but most of its ingredients are get from the sea" said Matt

"Okay then" said Meg. "I think that dad's ship is going to be really useful this time"

"What are we going to do with Rosie?" asked Meg.

"Don't worry. She'll be fine." Said matt.

Meanwhile, in some dark place, Rosie wakes up. She sees that she's inside of a cage, with a metallic collar with beeping red lights. The room seems to be a huge laboratory. She then spots Bertram working on some strange large machine.

"Oh, you woke up, my dear guest" said Bertram.

"What the hell is this?" asked Rosie.

"Oh, this device will allow me to transfer your amazing powers to me. Then, with your powers combined with my supreme intellect, I'll be unstoppable!!" said Bertram triumphal.

"Do you really think that a simple cage can stop me from fleeing?" teased Rosie. She then tried to use her powers to teleport outside of the cage, but nothing happened. "My powers! What you've done to me?"

"I'm glad that you ask! That beeping collar prevents you from using your powers, so forget about escaping!" said Bertram. "I've got the idea from an X-Men episode in which the mutants are captured, and they force them to wear a beeping metallic collar like yours that prevent them from using their powers."

"My uncle Stewie will come here and kick your ass!" said Rosie.

"Oh, I don't think so. This lab is completely secret!" said Bertram.

"Yes, but I'm sure that you send a note to Stewie telling what you plan to do and how to find this place" said Rosie. "Nah, that would be too stupid"

Bertram then remained silent.

"You DID it!" said Rosie. "Why all the evil guys tell the hero their plan so he can find a way to ruin it? Wouldn't it have been easier to not tell him and win?"

"Well, running a plot to take over the world it isn't funny if nobody tries to fool your plan" explained Bertram, then he resumed his work.

Meanwhile, far away from Bertram's not-so-secret lab, Peter, Lois, Matt and Meg are on Peter's ship in high sea.

"Alright, this seems to be a good place" said Peter. "Meg, jump to the water!"

"I can't!" said Meg, who was in a inflate pool, with Lois pouring water over her with a small hose.

"And why not?" asked Peter.

"Because, if you haven't noticed, I HAVE NO FREAKING LEGS!!" shouted Meg angered.

"Alright, it seems that I have to do it the old way" sighed Peter. "Lois, bring meg to the water"

Lois then tried to lift Meg in arms, but Meg now weighed too much, and Lois couldn't barely hold her daughter.

"Peter! She's too heavy! Why don't you carry her instead?" complained Lois.

"Because I'm the captain of this ship, and I'm the one who gives orders. Besides, I need to control where are we heading" said Peter.

"Peter, the ship isn't even moving!" shouted Lois. "Help me at least!"

"Alright…why I always have to do everything?" complained Peter. "Matt, come on, help Lois"

Matt then helped Lois to bring Meg to the sea. After using all their strength, they could drop Meg in the sea.

"God, being captain is such a hard job…" said Peter.

Back at the Griffin house, Stewie is wandering through the house looking for Rosie.

"Rosie? Rosie?" asked Stewie. "Hey, Rosie, I have a new game we can play! Rosie?"

After looking through the entire house, he returns to his room, bugged by his niece's sudden disappearance.

"Well, it seems that she's not here" said Stewie nonchalantly. Then she switchen on his computer. "Let's check my email…spam, spam, spam…what, I actually have an email…YES! At least, somebody emailed me!!" said Stewie, cheerful. Then he opened the message.

_Stewie_

_I kidnapped that little girl friend of yours with powers. I plan to absorb her powers using an unnecessary large machine to become invincible. My secret base is on the Quahog Park, but now that I told you that is no longer secret. You must be asking why I told you this. Well, there's no fun in running an evil scheme if nobody is going to stop you. Anyway, since the word that I have the source of ultimate power spread, all of the kids became my loyal followers, so it would be funny to see how can you rescue your niece and stop my evil plan alone. Victory shall be mine!!_

_Bertram_

_PS: Just in case you succeed in killing my guards and reaching to my underground lab, would you mind to bring here a pizza? I want it with mozzarella and ham._

"Oh, no" shouted Stewie. "That ugly version of me kidnapped Rosie and is planning to steal her powers! I have to do something, but what?"

"Maybe I can be of some help" said a female voice.

Stewie then turned back, and saw Sophie, Matt's little sister.

"Who are you?" asked Stewie.

"Who I am? WHO I AM?" asked Sophie, angered. "I'm your sister in law! It's me, Sophie, Matt's sister!"

"Oh, yes, I remember you" said Stewie. "It's been a long time since you showed up. Anyway, how did you get here?"

"Ander is trying to use more often some of his most unused OCs" explained Sophie.

"No, I mean this house" said Stewie.

"My parents dropped me here while they go to the psychologist, and the door was opened" explained Sophie. "Anyway, I heard what happened with Rosie, and I want to help you"

"Really? How do you plan on rescuing her? Because, no offense, but you're just a non genius, non magical talking baby" teased Stewie.

"Okay, if you don't want my help…" said Sophie as she walked away.

"No! I was joking!" said Stewie quickly.

"Okay" said Sophie. "In my last visit here I saw that you were building an army of tanks. I think that we could use them"

"But, who's going to drive them?" asked Stewie. "All of our possible allies are now Bertram's soldiers"

"Leave that to me" said Sophie. "Bring the tanks to the park at the noon. Oh, I almost forgot. I want something in return for helping you"

"What is it?" asked stewie.

"A date" said Sophie, smiling. "Only you and me"

"No freaking way!" said Stewie.

"Alright. But then don't complain when Bertram become the world ruler…"

"Okay, okay, you have your date!" said Stewie.

Sophie then giggled and ran out of the room.

Meanwhile, in the waters surrounding Rhode Island, Meg is gathering the last of the ingredients of the potion. Besides swimming really good underwater, she can also breath underwater.

"_Wow, this is so beautiful…" _though Meg. _"All the seaweed, the corals, the fishes…too bad that in a few years, thanks to the oil companies, all of this will be dead"_

Meg then spotted the last of the ingredients, a yellow seaweed, and pick some leaves and put them on a bag. However, when Meg was about to emerge to the surface, she was covered by a large shadow.

"_Hey, what's that?"_ though Meg. Her heart attempted to stop when she saw that it was a really big shark.

Later, in the noon, Stewie is in the park with his army of tanks He's then approached by Sophie and a decent number of kids.

"Hey, you gathered quite a lot of people!" said Stewie, cheerful. "How did you do it?"

"Let's say that I charged some favors" said Sophie. "Okay, this is the plan" said as he showed a detailed map of Bertram's base. "The tanks will attack the base, but that would be only a decoy. While Bertram and his troops are defending from the attack, we will infiltrate in his base"

"Hey, how did you get a map of his base?" asked Stewie.

"Just don't ask" said Sophie.

"Okay, everybody, to the tanks!" commanded Stewie. He then changed his clothes to a spy suit. "I hope that this work"

Back again in Peter's ship, Lois is worrying about Meg.

"Peter, meg has been underwater more than an hour" said Lois. "I'm afraid that something may happened to her"

"Don't worry Lois" said Peter. "If she's dead, we still can have another kid to replace her"

"Peter!!" shouted Lois, angrily. "Listen, I want you and Matt to go underwater and try to find her"

"But-"

"NOW!" shouted Lois.

"Okay, okay…" said Peter. "Geez, you're acting more of a bitch than Vickie Guerrero"

**Cutaway**

Edge is walking through a hallway in some random stadium.

"Now that Vickie fired Batista, John Cena, The Undertaker, Kane, Rey Mysterio, CM Punk and Big Show, I'm unrivalled for becoming the WWE champion!"

He then walks in a restroom, in which Vickie is lying on a couch, half naked.

"Edge, sweetie…come here and let's have some fun…" said Vickie, in a very seductive tone.

However, Edge is making his best at not upchuck at the sight of Vickie's repulsive overweigh body.

"Uhhhh…do you want to hear something _really _funny?" said Edge while laughing nervously. "I…I think that I'm gay…I'm very gay...yeah, in fact, I'm so gay that I used to be part of the Village People"

"Finally!" said Randy Orton with joy, before jumping on Edge and kissing him.

**End cutaway**

Underwater, Peter and Matt, wearing scuba gears, are snorkelling, trying to find Meg.

"Peter" said Matt.

"Yes?"

"How can we speak if we are underwater?" said Matt.

"So readers doesn't get bored with just description paragraphs" said Peter. "Lots of cartoons do this"

"Hey, I think that I saw something" said Matt.

"Did you find an underwater treasure?" asked Peter, excited.

"No, I mean Meg" said Matt.

"Awwww…" said Peter in disappoint.

"Look at that shark" said Matt, pointing to a shark, who was stalking a small cave. "I think that Meg was chased by a shark, and she hide in that cave. The cave is small enough so the shark can't pass, but it seems that he doesn't want to let Meg escape"

"Okay, how do we beat a shark?" asked peter.

"Dad? Matt?" asked Meg, who showed up.

"Meg!" shouted Matt.

"Help me!" cried Meg.

"Get away from my daughter!" threatened Peter. "Tonight she has to clean the dishes!"

"Oh, some people came here in the aid of my pray" said the shark, in the voice of Bruce the gay performance artist. "I don't have anything against you, but, you know, I need to eat something, and these girl with fish tail seems to be really tasty. However, I hope that I won't get fat by eating her. No, I don't think that I will get very fat. Hey, now that I see you, you seem to be much more tasty and tender than the girl, so I'm going to eat you instead. However, I hope that this won't make you think that I'm going to eat you because I hate you" said the shark before chasing Peter.

"Good job, Peter! Distract the shark while I rescue Meg!" said Matt as he snorkelled to the cave.

The shark kept chasing Peter for some minutes, until Peter got exhausted.

"That's it…" said Peter. "I can't swim anymore…God, I can believe that I'm going to die like this…I always though that I was going to die due cirrosis"

However, before the shark could even bite Peter, he let out a very loud fart, in the form of bubbles that rose to the surface.

"Oh, noooooooo" said the shark. "Nocive gasses came out from his body. He must be a poisonus species. I'm going to pass out. Yes, I totally passed out" said the shark before fainting. All the nearby fishes fainted and floated to the surface.

And we get back to Stewie and Sophie, which are now in Bertram's hideout, trying to find the way to the lab.

"According to this, the lab is in the basement" said Sophie, looking at the map.

Suddenly, a tremor shook the whole facility.

"It seems that our troops are doing it well" said Stewie. "So, how far are we from the lab?"

"According to this, the lab is…just behind that door" said Sophie, pointing a nearby door.

"Wow, it took really few moments to find it" said Stewie.

"That's because the author wants to skip to the action" said Sophie.

Stewie and Sophie burst in Bertram's lab, where he's finalizing his machine, and Rosie, who's standing in a cage.

"Stewie! You reached my lab!" said Bertram in surprise. "Did you bring the pizza?"

"Yes, but I bought it with 4 cheeses. I don't like ham" said Stewie.

"No ham!? You'll pay for it!" shouted Bertram, outraged.

"No, you're the one who's going to pay for kidnapping my niece!" threatened Stewie.

"Ha! A genius like me took measures to make sure that you won't leave this lair alive!" said Bertram before pushing a button in a remote. Suddenly, a large Robot entered in the room, and Bertram quickly climbed it to the cockpit. "PREPARE TO DIE, STEWART!!"

"Ohhh, crap" said Stewie, before the robot grabbed him and Sophie with its metallic claws.

"I'm going to burst you and your new girlfriend like bubbles!" said Bertram as he made the robot to pressure them. Bertram also stared at sophie, waiting to say something, but she remained silent.

"SHE'S NOT MY GIRLFRIEND!" shouted Stewie.

"For now…" muttered Sophie.

"What?"

"I said if you have a plan" said Sophie.

"Stewie! Sophie!" cried Rosie. "Leave them, you fiend!"

"We need a miracle!" said Stewie. "Or a Deus Ex Machina!"

However, Stewie's words turned to be prophetic, because in that evry moment, a large explosion opened a hole in the roof, and Flare came out from it. He shot a blaze to Bertram's robot, forcing it to release Stewie and Sophie.

"We're saved!" said Stewie with Joy. "It's Rosie's flamethrowing chicken!"

Flare then cawed loudly.

"Flare says that, if you call him chicken again, he will roast your nuts" said Rosie.

"Stewie, we should free Rosie!" said Sophie, as she and Stewie rushed to the cage. Meanwhile, Bertram was fighting with Flare, who was attacking him using his fire breath. Bertram countered with an array of missiles and a laser gun, but Flare was too fast for him. One of Flare's shots destroyed a part of the robot that revealed a large red button with the word OFF on it.

"Flare!" said Rosie, while Stewie and Sophie were unlocking the cage. "Press that button!"

Flare do it so, and the Robot quickly stopped.

"Oh, why did I put the off button outside of the cockpit?" whined Bertram.

Rosie was finally freed, and was greeted by Stewie, Sophie and Flare.

"Stewie, Sophie, your assistance was appreciated" said Rosie. "But I humbly suggest you to leave this room as fast as you can" said Rosie coldly

"Why?" asked Stewie. But Sophie dragged him away.

Rosie then walked to Bertram, who as trying to escape, but used her powers to lock all the exists before he could do.

"So…you wanted my powers, don't you?'" asked Rosie as a blue glowing aura surrounded her body. Pieces of scrap and furnitures began to levitate. "Don't worry, now you'll have a taste of them!"

(The next scene was removed due to the violent and gory content)

Hours later, the family is sat on the couch. Meg had her legs back, and Rosie was rescued from Bertram's lair.

"It's good to have my legs back" said Meg, looking at them.

"Yes, and I hope that you learned a lesson from this" said Lois.

"Yes, that there's no shortcuts for becoming a champion." Said Meg. "I guess that I must keep training hard if I want to beat Connie"

Suddenly, Meg's cell phone ranged.

"Meg? This is Nathalie. I'm calling you to tell you that the competition has been suspended" said Nathalie.

"Why?"

"Connie had sex with the coach in an attempt of making him to cheat in the scores so she could win, and they both were arrested. The competition will resume when our team has a new coach"

"Thaaks for calling, Nat. Goodbye" said Meg before switching off. "Well, I guess that Connie must learn that lesson the hard way" laughed Meg.

"Hey, what about you, squirt?" asked Matt to Rosie. "Did something interesting happened to you while we were out?"

"No, nothing really interesting" said Rosie. "Stewie and I were in the park as usual…"

"Yeah, nothing interesting…" said Stewie. "Although I have the feeling that I'm forgetting about something…"

Suddenly, somebody knocked at the door. Lois opened it and there stood Sophie with a fancy dress.

"Hi, sophie" said Lois "You look really pretty in that dress" praised Lois.

"Thanks. It's for my date with Stewie" said Sophie, smiling.

"You have a date with Stewie?" giggled Lois.

"OH CRAP!!!" shouted Stewie.

**End chapter.**


	28. The Darkest Pewterschmidt

**Chapter ****28: The Darkest Pewterschmidt**

**(A/N: Yet again, sorry for the lateness of this chapter. I have some writers block and been really busy lately)**

**(Disclaimer: I don't own Duncan, Snake Screamer does)**

The Griffin Family were on a trip to Lois' parents' house, to spend the weekend with them and celebrate their anniversary. Peter, Lois, Meg, Matt and Chris were on the family usual station wagon, while Brian was taking Jillian, Stewie and Rosie n his car. Flare followed them flying.

"Can you believe it, Peter?" asked Lois, cheerful. "It will be 45 years since mom and dad married"

"What I can't believe it's that those old relics are still alive" said Peter bitterly.

"Peter, I know that you hate my parents, but you can't…" was about to say Lois before being interrupted.

"I don't hate them" said Peter. "Your mom is cool. And she's pretty hot. In fact, I'd say that she's a GILF"

"What?" asked Chris.

"Grandma I'd love to…"

"PETER!" shouted Lois angrily.

"But you dad is a rich bastard that hates me for no reason" said Peter.

"Well, in fact, there's a reason" interjected Chris. "He hates you, who are non wealthy nobody, for marrying her daughter, who comes from a really wealthy family"

"Peter, dad doesn't hate you" said Lois. "It's just that he's a wrong idea about you, just like some parents have wrong ideas about real life"

**Cutaway**

A random couple is watching TV.

"And in our national news, two teenagers went to their high school, killed twenty six students, three teachers, a cat, a dog and the janitor, and then they committed suicide" said Tom Tucker.

"Police reports say that the teenagers had access to weapons in their houses. They also liked videogames" said Diane.

The man then switched off the TV.

"Damn videogames…" said the man.

"Yeah. I wonder how many more kids have to die so people realize of its danger" said the woman.

**End Cutaway**

"Dad" said Meg. "Why did you put Stewie and Rosie in the other car?"

"Yeah, we've planned to play with her during the trip" added Matt.

"So Brian has to endure the company of those little monsters instead of me" said Peter. "Kids are soooo annoying during these long trips…Lois, how much is left to get there?"

"Peter, you're the one who's driving!" said Lois.

"Oh…" said Peter. "Lois, how much is left to get there?"

Lois growled in disgust and placed her hand in her forehead. Meanwhile, in the other car…

"That stupid bird keeps following us!" said Stewie, as he looked through the window.

"Well, Flare doesn't like to be very far from me" said Rosie, apparently happy of seeing that her phoenix was fast enough to follow them.

"God, this trip is painfully long!" complained Stewie. "How much is left to get there?"

"Oh, Stewie, will you shut up?" asked Brian. "You're driving me crazy with your constant whining"

"Come on oogy, don't be so harsh with him" said Jillian softly.

"Hey, a roadside bar!" said Rosie as she pointed out to the road.

"Where!?" said Jillian, excited, as she began to look through the window.

"Can we stop?" asked Stewie. "I need to go to the bathroom!"

"No!" said Brian. "God, I hope that my kids won't be that infuriating!"

After some hours, the family finally arrived to the Pewterschmidt mansion. They made their way to the hall, where Carter and Babs, among some members of their domestic service.

"Mom! Dad!" Said Lois happily before hugging their parents.

"Lois!" said Babs as she hugged her daughter back.

"When is Carol going to come?" asked Lois.

"Oh, she won't come" said Carter. "He's at her 13th honeymoon. I'm becoming tired of spending so much money in their weddings!"

"Carter!" said Babs angrily.

"Sorry" said Carter dryly. Then he walked to Peter. "Hi Peter. Are you still married to my daughter?"

"Sure" said Peter.

Carter then kicked him in the nuts.

"Wrong answer" said Carter.

"Dad, stop!" said Lois. "Why don't you try to get along with Peter?"

"Because it's much easier and funnier to hate him " said Carter.

"Granpa, grandma, I guess that you don't know Rosie" said Meg quickly, trying to change the subject of the conversation.

"Oh, what a cute little girl!" said Babs as she held her. "Lois, you didn't tell me that you had another kid"

"Well, that's because she isn't mine, but Meg's" explained Lois.

"Oh my god!" said Babs, shocked. "Meg, why did you had a kid being so young?"

"And who's the father?" asked Carter.

"Me" said Matt as he stepped in.

"Who are you?" asked Carter, annoyed.

"Name's Matt. Don't you remember me?" asked Matt. "You have to. I mean, we met in my wedding"

"No, I don't remember" said Carter dryly. "However, hopefully Meg didn't inherit her mother's nasty taste for men"

"Dad, I repeated you a thousand times" said Lois, pissed. "I don't care what you think, Peter is a wonderful man with lots of qualities, and I love him!"

Peter then walks to them.

"Hey, I was trying to echo my farts so they could sound louder, but I farted near those decorative candles, and I unwittingly set on fire the curtains. But don't worry, I pee on the fire to put it out, so nothing to worry" said Peter.

"Mr. Meriwether, why don't you take our guests to their rooms?" asked Babs to a nearby butler.

The butler guided the family to the upper floor. However, something hit Rosie's curiosity.

"Hey, why do you stop?" asked Stewie, who noticed that Rosie was staring at a door.

"There's something in that room" said Rosie.

"What do you mean by 'something'?" asked Stewie. "Something like a briefcase full of money and jewels, or something like the severed head of some old enemy? Or even better, a severed head full of money!!"

"I don't know" said Rosie. "But something tells me that there's something in that room worth of separating from the grownups and check it"

"Okay, let's go" said Stewie.

Meanwhile, Meg and Matt are unpacking their stuff in one of the multiple guest rooms of the mansion. Matt then notices that Meg has brought the spellbook.

"Why did you bring that?" asked Matt.

"I want to keep it near me" said Meg. "Something bad could happen if I left alone and unprotected at home"

Suddenly, the book emitted an energy pulse that crossed the whole house.

"Did you feel that?" asked Meg.

"Weird" said Matt.

Back to the babies, Stewie and Rosie entered in the room, very quiet, excited about what they could find. But the excitement turned into disappointment when they saw that there was just a studio.

"What the hell is this?" asked Stewie as he looked at the room. "There's nothing here!"

Rosie simply walked to a nearby library.

"And…" said Rosie as her eyes glowed. "How about if I do THIS?"

Rosie used her powers to pull out a random book. However, the book wasn't chosen at random, because the library moved away, revealing a secret passageway.

"Cool!" said Stewie. "I'm sure that here's where that rich bastard hides his fortune!"

Both Stewie and Rosie entered in the dark passage.

"It's very dark" said Stewie. Rosie raised a finger, and a small flame appeared over it. "Much better"

"It seems that we're going down" commented Rosie.

Finally, the stretch of stairs came to an end, and the two toddlers were in front of a large stone room with lots of necromantic and satanic motifs, such as demon statues, skulls, etc.

"Oh my God!" said Rosie in horror. "Look at that!"

"Yes!" said Stewie. "It isn't awesome? That's the way I liked to decorate my room, but that bitch won't allow me"

"Stewie, I can feel lots of dark energy here! We should leave!" said Rosie, panicked.

"Are you insane?" asked Stewie. "This is the first mildly interesting thing I found in this dust covered mansion. Let's take a look!"

Stewie and Rosie began to explore the place, that seemed to be a crypt. Their suspects were right, because at the end of the room, there stood an casket made of stone.

"And there's our grand prize" said Stewie cheerful.

"You call 'grand prize to a freaking coffin? You're insane!" shouted Rosie.

"Thanks" said Stewie. "Now let's see what's inside it"

"Stewie, don't do it" said Rosie. "I have a bad feeling about this. In fact, I think that coming here was even worse idea than when TMS introduced Chris Thorndike"

**Flashback**

Somewhere in japan, a bunch of executives are finalizing the Sonic X idea.

"So it's settle" said one of the executives. "The main cast will be made up by Sonic, Tails, Knuckles, Amy, Cream, Big, and Dr. Robotnik as the main antagonist. They will be transported to our world, and the plot will revolve around the chaos emeralds"

"I want to make a suggestion" said another executive. "How about if we add to the cast a human child that befriends with Sonic?"

"Okay" said the first executive. "It will be part of the secondary cast and…"

"No, no. I mean as part of the main cast. He will go with Sonic and his friends to all his adventures, despite his contribution to the show will be minimal and he'll always be in danger, so Sonic must save him each chapter, hindering in his fight against Robotnik. He will also grow a sick obsession with Sonic to the point that Amy's fangirlism will look normal. In fact, he will even have more screentime than Sonic"

"More screentime than Sonic?" asked another executive in shock. "But the audience won't like that!"

"Oh, sure they will! In fact, I'm pretty sure that most of the kids will connect with him, and will become the most popular character"

**End Flashback**

Ignoring Rosie's advise, Stewie opened the casket. A cloud of dust came from it.

Suddenly, skeletons began to raise from the ground floor.

"Oh my God!" screamed Rosie. "Stewie!"

"This gets each time more interesting!" said Stewie. However, when he saw that the skeletons were surrounding them, finally realized of the situation. "Crap, they're going to kill us!"

Rosie then raised her hand, and casted a small fireball against one of the skeletons. However, it was powerful enough to reduce it to ashes.

"Good job!" said Stewie as he and his niece fled from the skeletons. However, the skeletons chased them.

"They're after us!" panicked Stewie. "They're going to catch us!"

"Not if I can do something about it!" said Rosie as she began to shot several fireballs at the skeletons. However, their foes were still too many.

"It's useless!"

"Don't worry, I have an idea!" said Rosie.

The little witch raised her arms, and summoned a very large fireball. She shot it at the roof of the room, prompting the underground crypt to collapse.

"Run!" shouted Rosie.

The two babies ran as there's no tomorrow, while the skeletons were crushed by the falling rocks. After several minutes running, they arrived at the studio. Stewie lost no time in closing the secret door.

"Pffiu" said Rosie, panting. "We almost didn't make it. I think that…I used all my energy…I need to rest…"

"Yes" said Stewie. "You know, after this, I realized that you could use your powers to make my life miserable, but instead of that you use them for helping others" said Stewie.

"Well, you'll do the same for me" said Rosie.

"Uhhh…"

**Stewie's imagination**

Stewie is on the back lawn, lying on a hammock. Rosie then walks to him with a glass in a platter.

"Your lemonade" said Rosie. "I hope that this time is okay"

"Let's see…" said Stewie before taking a dip. He then threw the glass of lemonade at Rosie's face. "NO!No, no, no! I said TWO spoonfuls of sugar, not three!"

"But I only put two!" complained Rosie.

"Make it again" ordered Stewie.

"No way!" complained Rosie. "I'm not your slave!"

"What did you said?" asked Stewie threateningly. He then uses his powers to levitate towards Rosie knifes, blades and all kind of sharp objects.

"It'll be in a minute" said Rosie out of fear.

**End of Imagination**

"Wait, you could use your powers to read minds, don't you?" asked Stewie.

"Yes, but mom told me that I shouldn't use my telekinesis that way. It'd be to violate other's privacy, and that would be wrong" said Rosie like repeating a speech.

Stewie sighed in relief.

Lois then entered in the studio.

"Here you are" said Lois as se picked both babies. "Why did you come here? We were really worried!"

"Sorry, grandma" said Rosie.

"Don't worry. It seems that you didn't cause any trouble here" said Lois.

"Yeah…sure…" said Stewie.

Well, Stewie and Rosie were very close to meet their end, but fortunately they're now safe and this adventure is now over. Over…? No, there are still lot's of things to happen.

Hours later, late in the night, when everybody is sleeping, a purple cloud of smoke came from the stone coffin that Stewie opened before. The purple cloud began to float around the house, until it arrived its destiny: the Master Room. There, it slowly introduces inside Carter's body. Carter then opened his eyes, revealing an eerie red glow in them.

The very next morning, the Griffins, Kennedys, Pewterschmidts and Jillian were all having breakfast.

"How did you sleep tonight?" asked Babs.

"Pretty nice" said Lois. "These beds are more comfortable than ours"

"And the best part is that there isn't any evil monkey in my room" said Chris.

"Yeah, this house is freaking sweet" said Peter. "I wonder why you don't invite us here more often. After all, we are your family"

"Don't say that!" shouted Carter while pointing Peter with his index finger. However, a beam of dark energy came from Carter's finger and hit Peter, knocking him and making him fall to the ground.

"Peter!" shouted Lois in concern.

"What the hell was that?" asked Brian, shocked by what just happened.

"Didn't you see it, oogy?" asked Jillian. "A beam of dark energy triggered by pure hate"

"Oh, I'm so sorry" said Carter. "It's that I feel really outraged when somebody reminds me that you're married with my daughter" said Carter. "Anyway, let me make it for you. How about a golf match?"

"Sweet!" said Peter. "Let me get my golf gear" said Peter before leaving the room.

Rosie then walked to her mother.

"Mom, I think that something's wrong" said Rosie, visibly worried. "I feel an evil aura irradiating from great grandpa Carter"

"Oh, there's nothing wrong about that" said Meg nonchalantly. "He's evil, especially when it comes to dad"

"There's something wrong with him" said Rosie, still scared. "I can feel it…"

Some moments later, at the mansion's private golf field, Peter and Carter are playing golf while the rest of the family is sitting at the garden's tables, chatting and having some drinks. Peter swings his club, and send the ball near the first hole.

"Ha! Beat that!" teased Peter.

Carter then pulls out his wallet and tosses it to the ground.

"Oh, how clumsy I am" said Carter. "Peter, can you pick up my wallet? I have rheumatism and I can't bend down"

Peter then bends down to pick up his father in law's wallet, with his ass facing him. Carter then raised the golf club, which quickly charged with dark energy, and hit Peter in the butt with it, sending him several meters forward.

"AAAAAWWWWW!!" screamed Peter.

"Peter!" shouted Lois, as she ran to him.

"Dad!" shouted Chris as he followed his mom.

"A rabbit!" said Stewie as he chased the rabbit.

"Oh, I'm so sorry, Peter" said Carter, faking concern. "I was about to hit the ball but I missed. I'm old and my sight isn't the same as before"

"Dad!" said Lois angrily as she helped Peter to stand up. "What's wrong with you!?"

"What do you mean, sweetheart?" asked Carter innocently.

"Dad, I know that you are not in good terms with Peter, but you're going overboard!" said Lois, scowling. "Come on, Chris, help me to take your father inside"

Lois and Chris took Peter inside, followed by the rest of the family.

"My ass!" whined Peter. "It never hurt that much since that time I…God, it hurts so much that I can't even call for a flashback!"

"Carter has been acted very weird recently…" said Matt.

"Well, honestly, he usually acts like this in front of Peter" said Brian.

"No, I mean the things he does" said Matt. "I saw that the club he was holding had a very eerie purple glow. And remember when he shot that energy blast at Peter?"

"Do you think that grandpa has stolen my book, and its using magic dad?" asked Meg.

"I don't think so" said Matt. "He doesn't know that you have that book"

"Then what?" asked Lois.

"I don't know" replied Matt. "I hope that all this weird things doesn't happen again"

Hours later in the sunset, after getting dressed, everybody went to the dinning room, where the domestic service was setting up the table, and occupied their seats. Only Carter and Babs missed. Peter still had his ass in a lot of pain.

"I hope that our dinner won't be very spicy" whined Peter.

"Peter, I spoke with dad and he told me that he was going to apologize for what has done" said Lois. "Hopefully, we can spend the rest of the weekend without any major incidents"

Carter then walked in the dinning room, looking sad.

"Dad, it's something wrong?" asked Lois

"Yes, I have two bad news" said Carter. "First of all, the dinner has been cancelled. And the second one, YOU'LL GONNA DIE NOW!"

Carter then is surrounded by black flames. His usual clothes changed to a black robe with runes and necromantic motifs, and an aura of darkness surrounded his body.

"Oh my God!" shouted Meg in horror.

"Yes, how dare him to call this caviar?" said Stewie outraged.

"Dad! What's happening?" asked Lois in horror.

"There's no 'dad'!" said Carter in a different voice. "Name's Thalmat, and I was a Necromancer. My spirit has been imprisoned under this house for many centuries, until I was recently released. Now, I took over this body and exact my revenge on the humanity!"

"Why did you choose grandpa's body?" asked Chris.

"Because his heart is cold and is full of darkness!" said Carter. "The kind of feelings that make me powerful!"

"Dad! Can you hear me?" asked Lois. "You must fight! You must retake the control!"

"Hahahahaha!" laughed Carter. "Retake the control? He _let _me to overtake his body!"

"That can't be true!" said Lois. "Why would dad do such a thing?"

"He told me that he could use my body if I killed that fat guy" said Carter as he pointed to Peter.

"But you're an evil wizard and you're not going to fulfil that promise, right?" asked Peter nervously..

"First of all, I'm not a wizard, but a necromancer. And second, despite being an evil necromancer, I always fulfil my deals, so prepare to die!" said Carter, as he casted a spell on the maids and butlers, turning them into zombies.

"Wait! What have you done with mom?" asked Lois.

"That old hag? Nothing. I didn't harm her" said Carter.

Menahwile, upstairs, Babs had been turned into a statue. Back to the Griffins…

"Now kill them!" Commanded Carter. "Meanwhile, I'll look for the magic book that awoke my soul!" said Carter before disappearing in a burst of black flames.

"So the Spellbook awoke him!" said Lois.

"Yeah, it was the Spellbook" said Rosie all shifty eyed.

While they were arguing, the zombie maids and butlers began to surround them.

"Crap, what are we going to do?" asked Peter.

"Don't fear, I'll take care of them!" said Rosie, who was about to cast a fireball on one of the zombies.

"Rosie, no!" shouted Matt. "They may be zombies, but we cannot kill them!"

"Why not?" asked Rosie, confused.

"Because they're still innocent people" said Matt. "We must fight that guy, defeat him and force him to return them back to normal"

After some seconds, Rosie nodded in response.

"Yes…I guess that you're right…"

"However that leaves us with a very small problem" said Stewie calmly. "WHAT THE HELL ARE WE GOING TO DO!?" yelled angry.

"Rosie, can you teleport us to somewhere else?" asked Meg.

"I don't think so" said Rosie. "I used a lot of energy before"

"What? What the hell did you do that takes so much energy?" asked Matt in disbelief.

"I guess that we won't know it" said Peter. "…because we all going to die!"

"Oogy, I'm scared!" said Jillian. "I don't like zombies!"

"Well, maybe something happens that allow us to escape" said Chris.

"Yeah, like somebody is going to appear here from nowhere and take us to a safe place" said Brian bitterly.

Suddenly, a cloud of smoke appeared between them and the zombies. From the cloud appeared a cloaked warlock known as Duncan. Everybody then stared at Brian.

"WHAT?" said the dog angrily.

"Don't worry, Griffins, I'll take you out of here!" said Duncan in an over the top manner, before teleporting himself and the Family to another side of the house.

Minutes later, everybody is recovering from their near death experience.

"Duncan, I've never though that I'd say this" said Rosie. "But I'm so happy of seeing you!"

"How did you know that we were in troubles?" asked Lois.

"My boss send me here in a mission" explained Duncan. "You see, he has a crystal round thing which can see future events"

"You mean a crystal ball?" asked Matt.

"Yes…" muttered Duncan. "Anyway, he knew that Thalmat, the necromancer, who was buried here hundreds of years ago for unbeknownst reasons apart for the sake of the plot, was going to revive, and he send me here to kill him for good and protect you."

"It's a relief to hear that" said Lois. "That must explain all the weird stuff that dad did recently"

"But why did he take over grandpa just now?" asked Meg.

"Thalmat's powers are much stronger at night" explained Duncan. "If we wait until the dawn, he'll be powerless, however we don't have time. Anyway, where is he?" asked Duncan.

"He said that he was going to look for the spellbook!" said Meg in horror.

"Damn! We must find the book first!" said Duncan, showing his concern. "Meg, where is it?"

"In my room" said Meg.

"Okay, fortunately, Thalmat won't know where it is, so we have some time before…"

"Haha! I found it!" said Carter, appearing in a burst f black flames, holding the spellbook.

"Crap…" said Duncan.

"We're doomed!" cried Chris.

"Don't worry, I'll deal with him!" said Duncan in an heroic manner.

"We're doomed!" cried again Chris.

"Okay, that hurt…" said Duncan, downbeat. "Anyway, prepare to face your end!"

"Ha!" laughed Carter. "What are you going to do to defeat me, you pathetic mage? With this new body and this spellbook, there's nothing that can stop me!"

"Flare!" shouted Rosie, and the phoenix came quickly at the call of his owner. "Help Duncan to fight!"

"Less talk, more fight!" said Duncan before starting the fight.

Duncan cast a shadow beam, but Carter dodged it. Carter then summoned a swarm of bats and send them to attack the warlock. Flare killed the bats creating surrounding the warlock with a shield of flames He then countered with a psychic blast, which hit Carter successfully, causing him to fall to the ground. Flare's body burst in flames, and plummet Carter, but the Necromancer banished and the phoenix crashed against the floor. Carter then used his powers to levitate some furniture and throwing it at Duncan, which stopped the attack with his telekinesis. Carter then summoned four ghosts, which began to fire dark beams at Duncan and Flare.

"Man, this is taking forever" said Peter.

"Well, I think that it's amusing" said Jillian. "It's like watching a video game!"

"Wait, why Jillian is here witnessing all of this magic stuff?" asked Mat.

"Don't worry, she'll forget about all of this in the next episode" said Brian nonchalantly.

"Well, maybe we should tell her the truth about Rosie and all this magic things" said Meg. "After all, she'll become part of the family soon"

"Nah, it's better to wait until she forgets about all of this, than trying to explain her all the stuff. Trust me, it's MUCH EASIER" replied Brian.

"We must do something to help Duncan!" said Rosie.

"Well, according to what happened when we met Miriam and her sisters for first time, Thalmat should have inherited some of Carter's traits" said Matt. " Lois, he's your father. What's the thing that pisses him most?"

The answer popped in Lois' head almost instantly.

"Dad, look at what I'm doing!" said Lois, and when Carter looked at her, Lois kissed Peter in a very passionate way.

"Lois, stop kissing that fat moron!" shouted Carter in his normal voice.

"NOW!" shouted Matt.

Duncan took advantage of Carter's momentary distraction, and blasted him with a Dark Nova. Carter then dropped the book.

"Flare!" shouted Rosie.

The phoenix then flew quickly towards the book, and grabbed it with his claws.

"Come here, you dreadful bird!" yelled Carter.

"Did somebody said bird?" asked Peter.

"Peter, no! It's not the right moment to do that!" said Lois.

"Because everybody knows that bird is the word! A-well-a bird, bird, bird, b-bird's the word! A-well-a bird, bird, bird, b-bird's the word! A-well-a bird, bird, bird…"

"SHUT UP!" shouted Rosie as her eyes glowed. Peter then continued singing, but nothing came out of his mouth.

"Thank you, Rose Mary" said Stewie.

"Now we can focus again on the plot" said Brian.

Well, Flare has just taken the spellbook, and flied towards Rosie. Rosie then jumped on Flare's back and flied away.

"Damn!" yelled Carter.

"Ha! We beat you!" said Lois. "Now free my father!"

"Even without that book, I'm still very powerful!" said Carter. "And Carter told me that it's about time that you obey him, and I AGREE!" said Carter before casting a mind control spell on Lois.

"Oh my god! Mom!" said Meg.

"Be careful! She's now under Thalmat's control!" said Duncan worriedly.

"Nah, Lois has been always a rebel daughter" said Peter nonchalantly as he walked up to her. "Right, Lois?"

However, Lois kicked him hard, hurling Peter against a wall.

"SHHHHH…AHHHHH… SHHHHH…AHHHHH… SHHHHH…AHHHHH…" said Peter as he rubbed his shin.

"You know, that gag is getting really old" said Brian.

"Not as old as hearing your liberal speeches every five minutes" said Peter.

"Touché" said Brian.

"Now, Lois, kill them!" said Carter. "Meanwhile, I'll look for that toddler and recover the book" said Carter, who disappeared in a burst of black flames.

"This is the second time that he does that" pointed Matt.

"Do what?" asked Meg.

"Leave nothing but minions to kill us instead of doing it himself." Said Matt.

"Well, a lot of villains do that, it's not that he was going to be different" said Stewie.

"I'll find Rosie" said Meg as she ran away.

"Duncan, go with her!" said Matt. "Rosie is a witch, but she won't have any chances against Thalmat, even with Flare at her side!"

"Yes, we'll take care of Lois" said Peter as he cracked his knuckles. "I'll finally be able of doing something that I keep dreaming with since my wedding: to beat my wife!"

"Man, you're sick" said Matt in disgust.

Everybody ran away leaving Peter, Lois and Matt alone.

The scene then changes to a 2D fight style game, and the Ryu Music Theme plays in the background. Peter attacks Lois punching her three times. Lois countered with a low kick. Peter stepped back and shot a Fart Missile (it would be like Ryu's hadouken). Lois blocks it. Peter shoots another Fart missile, but Lois jumps over it and dropkicks Peter. Peter charges level 1 super combo: Greater Fart Missile! Peter fires a much bigger fart and hits Lois! 4 hit combo! Lois then recovers, rushes towards Peter and headbutted him. Peter then stands up, jumps and delivers a Butt Slam, but misses Lois charges level 2 super combo: Tornado Kick! Lois jumps and spins in mid air several time, hitting Peter. 6 hit combo! Peter charges level 3 super combo: steroid abuse! However, Lois breaks his combo with a hold. Lois charges level 3 super combo: Extreme Bitchslap! Lois slaps and kicks Peter hard several times, and Peter loses all his hps. 7 hit Level 2 super combo finish!

"You lost!" said Matt.

"I can believe it!" said Peter. "Defeated by a woman"

Lois then walked to them, ready to kill them.

"What are we going to do?" asked Peter.

"Let me think! hmmmm…she's too strong, we can't fight her hand to hand" said Matt, thinking. "Meg told me that Lois is a Tae-Jitsu black belt and it seems that Carter made boosted her strength with magic…the only way we can defeat her is to make her to hit herself!"

"Good idea" said Peter. "Hey, Lois, you have a fly on your nose! Kill it!"

"Peter, she may be brainwashed, but there's no way that-" however, Matt's bitching was interrupted when he saw in shock Lois hitting herself hard in the face, knocking herself down. "Shutting up"

"Now let's find the others" said Peter.

Speaking of the others, Meg, Rosie, Duncan, Chris, Jillian, Stewie and Brian are in one of the many rooms, in a vain attempt of hiding from Carter.

"We need a plan" said Duncan. "Despite we have the book, he's very powerful, and we just can't wait until dawn"

"If Daphne was here…" said Meg. "Maybe she could help us…"

"Hey, good idea!" said Duncan. "We can summon her with the spellbook"

"Really?" said Rosie with high hopes.

"Sure, lend me the book" said Duncan, before Meg gave him the book.

"Fools!" said Duncan in a deep demonic voice. "Now that I have Miriam's spellbook, there's nothing that can stop me from becoming world's greatest warlock! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" laughed Duncan. However, then smiled and said: "Haha! You fell for it!"

Everybody looked at him in total shock.

"I was joking! I mean, you won't believe that I was going to do that, right?" asked Duncan. "Guys?"

Minutes later, we see Duncan with lots of bruises and his clothes tattered.

"Okay, I guess that I deserved that" said Duncan, before spitting blood. "Anyway, let's go with the spell. Forces of magic, hear my call, open a portal between time and space, and bring here Daphne!"

A cloud of smoke appeared, and Daphne appeared from it. However, Daphne was wearing nothing but her underwear and a pink robe, hair rollers and holding a cup of tea.

"What the hell…?" said Daphne out of confusion. "Where am I?"

"Hey, nice body!" said Duncan, who was drooling at Daphne's gorgeous figure.

"EEEEEEEEEK! YOU PERVERT!" shouted Daphne before slapping him hard, and covered herself.

"Okay, I deserved that too" said Duncan. "Well, the reason of why we summoned you here is because…"

"If you want me to use my powers to make your marijuana to grow faster again, forget about it!" said Daphne angrily.

"You don't even let me finish!" said Duncan. "I summoned you because we need your help to defeat a Necromancer that has possessed Meg's grandfather"

"Please, Daphne, help us!" begged Rosie.

"Alright, I can't say no to a cute little child" said Daphne as he snapped her fingers, and his clothes and hairstyle changed to her usual. "Where is him?"

Suddenly, Carter appeared in front of them.

"I found you! Now give me that book and I'll give you a quick death!" threatened Carter.

"No way!" said Duncan. "Daphne, are you ready!"

"Yes!" said Daphne. "Oh, and Rosie, tell your Phoenix not to interfere in the fight. His flames could harm my plants.

Another epic battle began. Carter attacked with a wave of blue fire, but Daphne created a shield protecting her and Duncan. Duncan the shoots a psychic blast that hurls Carter against a wall, breaking it, and landing in the garden. Carter stands up, and summons yet again another horde of ghosts. Daphne summoned several vine whips to trap Carter, while Duncan destroyed the ghosts. Carter then frosted the vines, breaking free, but Daphne summoned more.

At that moment, Peter, Matt and Lois arrived.

"Hey, what's going on?" asked Matt.

"Duncan and Daphne are engaged in an epic fight against Carter. No big deal" said Stewie nonchalantly.

"We must do something before they kill each other!" said Brian.

"Maybe if you find any of Carter's weak point, you can force that bad guy to dispossess him" suggested Jillian.

Everybody then stared at her in shock.

"What?"

"Hey, I can believe what I'm going to say, but I think that Jillian had a really good idea" said Stewie.

"Well, she also had another good idea 10 chapters ago" said Brian. "Lois, do you know anything that we can use against Carter?"

"Now that it comes to my mind, yes, I know!" said Lois before looking through the hole. "Daphne, use your powers to grow flowers over the garden!"

"You must be kidding!" said Daphne while repelling some of Carter's attacks.

"Trust me!" said Lois. Daphne then covered the garden with flowers.

"Rosie, can you use your powers to rise some blow?" asked Lois.

"Yes, but it won't be very strong" said Rosie.

"Don't worry, a little breeze will be enough" said Lois.

Rosie's eyes glowed as a small breeze raised, rocking the flowers, raising clouds of pollen. Meanwhile, Carter has defeated Duncan and Daphne.

"Haha! Victory is mine!" shouted Carter triumphal.

"Hey, that's my line!" complained Stewie.

"Well, you barely use it since season 3" said Brian.

"I won't be so sure about that!" said Lois.

"Why not? I defeated your pathetic mages and-ATCHOOO!" sneezed Carter. "ATCHOOOO! What the hell is happening to me? ATCHOOOO!! Why I'm sneezing and my body feels so itchy?" said Carter before scratching his body and sneezing again. "What kind of spell is this?"

"Dad was allergic to pollen!" said Lois triumphal. "Now you aren't able to fight!"

"This itch…it's unbearable! Make it stop!" begged Carter.

"Free my dad, turn his maid and butlers back to normal, and your pain will disappear!" said Lois.

"Fine!" said Thalmat as he dispossessed Carter and dispelled the zombie spell from the domestic service. "But mark my words: I'll come again, and you'll feel my wrath! I'll swear!" shouted the ghost before disappearing.

The next morning, the Griffins are back to Quahog.

"Wow, what a horrific experience" said Lois.

"Yes, and we got a valuable lesson from this: Lois, your dad is an evil bastard" said Peter.

"Well, I guess that you're right" said Lois sadly.

"Don't worry mom" said Meg cheerfully. "You still have us"

"Thanks, sweetie" said Lois, smiling. In fact, she always though in Peter and her children as her true family. A very wacky and dysfunctional family, but a real family. "However, I have the feeling that we forgot about something…"

That night, back at the Pewterschmidt mansion, Carter is making love with Babs, who is still a statue.

"What's wrong with you, Barbara?" asked Carter. "You're cold and not moving. You seem like a freaking rock!"

Babs, obviously, didn't say anything in response.

"Okay, you're not in the mod. Good night" said Carter before turning off the lights.

**End Chapter.**

**Most of times I forgot to do this, but thanks to everybody who read, review or suggest ideas for this story.**


	29. Cakes, sugar and Madness

**Chapter ****29: Cakes, Sugar and Madness**

It was a normal day in Quahog, and the Griffins were…God, I'm really bored of starting all the chapters this way. Let's begin with some laughs. Peter is in the Brewery. It's ten minutes until closing, and Peter has a huge problem: he has a file in his computer with loads of porn, and wants to rename it so other people that uses his PC doesn't open the file.

_Porn_

Peter right clicks the file, and chooses 'rename'.

_Not porn_

Unconvinced, Peter renames it again.

_Definitely not Porn_

Obviously, this isn't going to work.

_This is not Porn. Go to look elsewhere._

However, Peter then has an idea. He clicks the rename option again.

_Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace._

Satisfied, Peter shuts down his PC and heads to his house.

Meanwhile, in the Griffin house, there's a lot of racket going inside.

"Where it is?" asked Matt, nervously as he looked for something across the whole house.

"Matthew, what's wrong?" asked Lois, walking to him.

"My jacket!" said Matt. "I can't find it, and I need it for work!" said Matt.

"Oh, I just washed it yesterday. It had lots of cheese and tomato spots" Lois then walked away and returned with Matt's jacket. "Here it is. It looks much better now"

"Thanks Lois!" said Matt as he wore his jacket. "You're really a caring person"

"I just do my best for my family" replied Lois, smiling.

"Well, I better get going. Goodbye Meg" said Matt before kissing his wife. "Goodbye Rosie, and be a good girl while I'm out, okay?"

"Okay, daddy" said Rosie sweetly.

The very moment after Matt left the house, the doorbell rang. Lois opened the door to see Zoe, Chris' asian girlfriend.

"Good afternoon, Mrs. Griffin" said Zoe politely. "Is Chris ready?" asked, while looking over Lois' shoulder the inside.

"Zoe!" said Chris in joy, when he saw her in the door.

"Where are you two going?" asked Lois.

"We're going to the park" said Zoe. "Chris told me that he wanted to draw me in the nature, and the park is the most similar thing we have to nature in Quahog"

"I told you that I was going to use colours, but I'm worry that it can't be. I ran out of paint" said Chris sadly.

"What happened?" asked Zoe.

"I wanted to know how colours tastes and…" said Chris in shame.

"Oh…well, it's okay. You can draw me using only a pencil. Well, goodbye Mrs. Griffin!"

"Have fun" said Lois before closing the door and watching her son and his girlfriend walking away. "Wow, it seems that everybody have plans for today…"

Meg then walked in.

"Hey Meg, would you want to practice some piano with me?" asked Lois.

"Sorry, mom, but I have to work at the Gardening Store" said Meg.

"Well, maybe when you come back…"

"After work I promised Nat that I was going to go with her to the mall to buy some clothes" Meg then noticed her mom's expression. "Maybe another day?"

"Okay…" said Lois sadly.

Right after Meg left the house, Peter entered.

"Hi, Lois" said Peter cheerfully. "I hope that you're ready for a night full of action" said Peter slyly.

"Sure I am!" said Lois upbeat.

"Fine" Peter then removed his shirt and gave it to Lois. "Because I've been fixing the car and I have a black grease spot that looks very ugly" said Peter.

"Oh…that's what you mean with 'action'" said Lois, showing her disappointment. "Do you think that we could have a romantic dinner tonight?"

"I don't think so" said Peter. "I'm going to the clam with the guys. I only came here to get changed" said Peter before going upstairs.

Brian then burst in the house, looking excited.

"I have great news!" said the dog. "I have a job!"

"Really?" said Lois. "That's awesome! What kind of job?"

"In the Democrat Party of Rhode Island" said Brian. "You told me that I should do something that I really like, and this is what I like! God, I'm so happy! I will finally be able to help Jillian with our kids while crushing Republicans! I have to start as an intern, but I can't compalin."

"That's awesome!" said Lois. "How about if we go to some restaurant to celebrate it? I mean, as friends."

"It would be cool and…" but Brian was interrupted by his cell phone. "Hello? Oh, hi Jillian. What? No, no, don't do anything! I'll arrive in five minutes! Keep calm!"

"Is there something wrong?" asked Lois.

"Jillian tried to heat up a soup in the microwave, but well…she isn't very fond of electric devices apart from her hairdryer " sighed Brian. "Anyway, I guess that we have to put off that dinner. Well, goodbye!" said Brian as he left the house.

"Well, maybe I can spend some time with the Stewie and Rosie" said Lois.

The doorbell rang again. Lois opened the door and saw Mrs. Lockhart and Sophie.

"Hi Lois. Are Stewie and Rosie ready?" asked Lana.

"Ready for what?" asked Lois.

"Don't you remember?" said Mrs. Lockhart. "I was going to take them along with Sophie to Chuckie Cheese's"

"Oh…I must forget about it…" muttered Lois. "Stewie, Rosie, Lana is here!"

The two babies rushed downstairs, and left the house with Mrs. Lockhart and Sophie. Minutes later, Peter left the house.

"Everybody has plans except me" sighed Lois. She then took a glance to the empty house, and sighed again. "God, I'm so bored…maybe this is like Peter feels before doing one of his wacky schemes"

**Flashback**

Peter is sat in the couch, looking bored.

"Okay, I'm bored…what should I do?" asked to himself.

"Do something stupid!" said a part of his brain.

"Yeah!" said another one.

"Big time!" said another one.

"Why don't you try to do something productive instead of doing always stupid things?" asked Peter's common sense.

"SHUT UP!" said the other parts of the brain in unison.

"Yes, shut up, party crasher!" shouted Peter.

**End Flashback**

Lois spend the afternoon doing zapping and thinking how boring her life become. She even felt asleep. Hours later, somebody rang the door, snapping Lois out of her short nap. She opened the door, and Mrs. Lockhart was again there, with the three kids.

"Hello, Lois" said Lana. "Well, here are Stewie and Rosie"

"Thanks for taking them with you" said Lois.

"No problem" said Lana. "Well, if you want me to take them to the zoo or any other place, just tell me, okay? Well, good bye!"

"Wait!" said Lois before Lana could reach her car. "Would you like to come in, have a coffee and …talk a little?"

"Sure" said Mrs. Lockhart.

Minutes later, while the babies played with some toys in the living room, Lois and Lana were having a coffee in the kitchen. Lois is telling Lana how boring her life is.

"I know how you must feel" said Lana. "Since my husband's…incident, I've been jobless"

"I can't believe it" said Lois, while taking a dip from her coffee cup. "I mean, you're young, beautiful and intelligent. I can't believe that nobody wants to hire you"

"Believe it or not, but it's true. Well, that's because…well, you know…but it's also weird that you are jobless too. I mean, Matt told me that you were once a supermodel"

"Yes, but it didn't work" said Lois. "That kind of life wasn't mean for me. Cake?" asked Lois.

"Please" said Mrs. Lockhart, and Lois served two pieces of cake.

"I'd like to have a job again, but I don't have any degree or talent" said Lois sadly.

"Mmmmmmm" moaned Lana. "This cake is delicious! Where did you buy it?"

"I didn't buy it, I cooked it" said Lois. "It seems that I only have talent for cooking and cleaning"

"Well, maybe you could exploit that…talent" said Mrs. Lockhart.

"Oh, no! I'm not going to be a freaking maid!" said Lois, offended.

"No, no! You got me wrong!" said Mrs. Lockhart. "Listen, I have an idea for a business: a Cake Shop!"

"A Cake Shop?" asked Lois.

"Yes, I was thinking in using my savings to start my own business, but I didn't have any idea. But, after tasting this cake, I've realized that you have a lot of potential as a professional cook. What do you say, Lois?" asked Lana, enthusiastic.

"I like the idea" said Lois, interested. "It will be nice to bring some money to this family. I mean, I'm the only one from this family who doesn't have a job!"

"So, we have a deal?" asked Mrs. Lockhart.

"Sure!" said Lois. "I can't wait to tell Peter!"

Meanwhile, in the Drunken Clam, Peter is having some beers with his friends, when he suddenly shivers for no reason.

"Hey Peter, are you okay?" asked Quagmire.

"Yes" said Peter. "But I suddenly feel that Lois is going to do something incredibly stupid and wrong like having a job again!"

Weeks later, after buying a place and all the stuff they need to start up their business, Lois and Mrs. Lockhart are ready for inaugurate her Cake Shop. They have as employees Nathalie, Zoe, Sophie, Stewie, Rosie, and Matt as the delivery boy.

"Wow, my very first business" said Lois excited as she put some cakes in the counter. "I'm so excited!"

"Yeah, me too" said Lana, as she took a platter of muffins from the oven. "Lois, you really have a gift for finding bargains. Such a powerful oven for just $25! However, this is the first oven that uses meat to work"

"Well, that's because…because…because it's made in Japan" said Lois nervously.

The oven the shuts off.

"Hey, what happened?" asked Lana, bugged.

"Eh, probably nothing" said Lois before hitting the oven several times.

Meanwhile, inside the oven, Sophie and Rosie are feeding Flare, when they heard Lois hitting the oven.

"Come on Flare!" said Rosie as she and Sophie stepped back.

Flare then surrounded his body with flames, heating the oven again.

"See?" said Lois. "It's just fine"

"It seems so" said Lana. "But I swear that I saw a bird there. Anyway time to open! Nat, Zoe, go with Lois to the kitchen! I'll attend the clients!"

"While I wait until people ask for a delivery, what can I do?" asked Matt.

"Matthew, you shouldn't leave your job for helping us" said Mrs. Lockhart. "You have a family to sustain"

"It's okay. Besides, I was getting a bit sick of that job" said Matt. "I prefer to work here with my family"

Some days later, after the opening of the Cake Shop, Lois is happily talking with Peter about how wonderful is to have her own business.

"Yes, it's so stimulating" said Lois. "Finally, I'm something more than a simple housewife"

"I'm so happy for you" said Peter.

"So, you're not angry because I have a job too?" asked Lois, surprised. "That's so nice of you, Peter"

Matt then walks in.

"Lois, I have bad news" said Matt. "I've been reviewing the accountancy of the shop, and it loses money. The expenses surpass the profits"

"HA!" laughed Peter as he suddenly stood up. "I knew that your business would fail! When women are going to learn that her place is the kitchen?"

Lois frowned at Peter's statement.

"Okay, okay…" said Peter as he quickly left the living room.

"How could this happen?" asked Lois, frustrated. "Where did we go wrong?"

"Well, half of the clients only enter in the shop to take a look at Lana's breasts" explained Matt.

**Flashback**

A man is in front of the counter, looking at Mrs. Lockhart's rather large chest, drooling. Needless to say, Mrs. Lockhart looks very pissed.

"Okay, do you know what you are going to order?" asked Mrs. Lockhart, annoyed.

"Are those tasty pair of buns at sale?" asked the man, still drooling.

**End Flashback**

"But the main reason" continued Matt. "It's because we have a very hard competence" said Matt as he handed Lois a pamphlet.

"The Colbert Bros?" asked Lois, while looking at the pamphlet.

"They have the biggest Food and Biological Weapons emporium in all Rhode Island. And that includes cakes and other sugared products" explained Matt. "We have to play hard if we want our business to survive"

"Play hard, huh?" asked Lois, as an idea formed in her mind. "I know exactly what to do" said Lois before going upstairs. However, seconds later, she came back. "Wait, why that company is into Biological Weapons?"

"So it seems more of an evil company rather than a normal company" said Matt.

"Oh…" said Lois, before going upstairs.

Meanwhile, upstairs, Meg was in her room doing some stuff with her laptop, when her mother walked in.

"Meg, I need the book" said Lois.

"What?" asked Meg as she turned to her mother.

"You heard me. I need to look for something in the spellbook" said Lois.

"For what?" asked Meg suspiciously.

"I need to find some way to make my cakes much more delicious" said Lois.

"Did you tried to put drugs in the cakes?" suggested Meg. "That way people would be addicted to them"

"Yes" said Lois. "But it has two inconveniences: first of all, drug it isn't cheap. And second, is illegal. But magic is not illegal" said Lois.

"You know, this seems to be the prelude f a magic-inducted catastrophe" said Meg.

"Oh, come on, Meg! It's me, not your dad!" complained Lois, as she raised her arms in frustration. "I won't screw anything. I promise"

"Okaaaaaay…" sighed Meg. "What do you need?"

"I already told you" said Lois. "Something that makes my cakes better"

"Maybe there's something in the Potion Section" said Meg as she took the book and began to turn the pages. "Alright, here it is!"

"What are we waiting for?" asked Lois.

"Mom, despite with this potion your cakes will be better, people's not going to know that. We need some sort of publicity"

"Maybe we could bake some muffins and give them for free" said Lois.

That afternoon, after telling Lana that Lois has a 'secret ingredient', they are in the Cake Shop baking the muffins.

"The muffins are ready" said Lois as she took a platter full of magically-enhaced Muffins out of the oven.

"Wow, they smell fine!" praised Rosie. "Grandma, can I have one?"

"Sure, why not" said Lois as she handed a muffin to her granddaughter.

"Hey, Lois, I want a muffin too!" said Stewie, but Lois ignored him. "Don't you hear me? I want a muffin!" but Lois kept ignoring him. "Pay attention to me, you damn vile woman!" shouted Stewie before kicking Lois in the shin.

"Aw! Stewie, stop!" said Lois. "Mommy is busy right now and can't play with you. Why don't you play with Rosie?" asked Lois before she and her Meg walked away, ready to give out the muffins among the passerby.

"Play? Who the hell said that I wanted to play?" asked Stewie, outraged, while angrily walking in circles.

"I think that she didn't understand you" said Rosie, still eating her muffin.

"Hey, but she DID understand you!" said Stewie in realization. "Now that it comes to my mind, why everybody does understand you, but aside from you and the dog, nobody understands me?"

"…magic?" asked Rosie.

"God, this is even worse than that time the Fatman met William Shatner" said Stewie.

**Flashback**

In a Star Trek convention, William Shatner is signing autographs. Peter then walks up to him.

"Hello, Mr. Shatner" stammered Peter, his heart beating each time harder.

"Hello" said Shatner.

"Can you believe it, Lois? William Shatner said me 'hello'!" said Peter, excited.

"Uhhh…there's something I can do for you?" asked Shatner.

"Yes, could you sign me this copy of your book?" asked Peter.

"Sure! What's your name?" asked Shatner.

"Peter. Peter Griffin"

Shatner signed his book his book. Peter then took a look at the signature.

"Thanks a lot for this, Mr. Shatner!" said Peter.

"You're welcome, Peter"

"How do you know my name?" said Peter.

**End Flashback**

As result of the magically manipulated muffins and Lois' 'secret ingredient', the Cake Shop became a huge success. They even had to hire some people for help, due to the massive amount of customers. Some days later, two suited men with sunglasses that resembled the agents from Matrix entered in the shop. One of them carried a briefcase.

"Hello" said one of the 'agents' in a monotone voice. "Who's in charge here?"

"Me" said Mrs. Lockhart as he walked by. "What do you want, sirs?"

"We represent Colbert Bros Industries" said the other 'agent'. "Let's get this straight. Our bosses hear that you have a secret ingredient that make your cakes and other products much tastier than any other thing. We don't like competition, so we came here to buy that ingredient"

The guy who carried the briefcase opened it to reveal a huge amount of money.

"As you can see, we're willing to pay a lot for it" said the 'agent'.

"Sorry, but I'm not in possession of the formula of that ingredient" replied Lana. "And, if that was the case, I wouldn't sell it"

"Reconsider it, miss" said the second guy. "We're a very powerful industry, and we will crush showing no mercy all the competence!"

"Sorry, but my answer is still no!" said Lana.

"Okay. You'll regret of this, miss" said the first agent as he closed the briefcase. "You'll hear from us"

The 'agents' walked out of the shop. Lois then entered in the room.

"Who were those guys you were speaking with?" asked Lois.

"Two representative from the Colbert Bros industries. They wanted to buy our secret ingredient" explained Lana. "I told them no"

"Well done" said Lois.

"However, I'm a bit worried of what can they do" said Lana. "I mean , they're a multi millionaire company"

"I'm sure that we won't hear about them anymore" said Lois nonchalantly.

However, Lois was wrong, because hours later, at the Colbert Bros Industries business in Quahog, the directives of the company are arguing about what to do with their little menace to their monopoly of sugared products.

"Okay" said the one who looked to be the president. "What can we do with that damn cake shop?"

"Kill them!" said an executive.

"Kill them!" said another one.

"Kill them!" said another one.

"Kill them!" said another one.

"Kill them!" said another one.

"Send a threatening note…and then kill them!" said another one.

"Guys, guys! How many times must I remind you that killing is very notorious, besides illegal?" said the president. "Although it may be hard, we must think a non-violent way of getting rid of them"

"Awwwwwww…" said the other executives in unison.

"Hey, I have an idea!" said a young executive. "We can bring them to bankrupt by poisoning their ingredients?"

"That's sick and twisted!" said the president. "And I like it! Let's go with it!"

A few days later, in the Griffin house, Rosie was watching TV, when she's approached by her parents and Lois.

"Hi sweetie" said Matt.

"What are you watching?" asked Meg.

"Winx Club" replied Rosie.

"What? You're watching that without our permission?" asked Meg in surprise.

"Meg, Winx Club is a cartoon for little kids, I don't think that she needs our permission to watch that" said Matt.

"Are you kidding?" asked Meg. "Look at that! Some of the main characters are half naked!"

"But mom!" said Rosie.

"No 'buts', I don't want you to watch that" said Meg before picking the remote. "Let's see what's airing on Disney channel"

"And now, in Disney Channel…" said the TV announcer "A High School Musical marathon!"

"AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!" screamed Matt and Rosie in unison. Matt quickly took the remote away from Meg's hand, and switched off the TV as fast as he could. "Meg, leave the things Rosie can and cannot watch on TV to me, right?"

"Hey, why are you yelling so loudly?" asked Lois as she walked in. "What's going on?"

"Nothing, mom" said Meg. "Something related to the TV"

"Well, I've though that, since it's my day off, I'd like to spend a romantic day with Peter, and I though if any of you could take care of Stewie" said Lois.

"Sure, Lois" said Meg. "I'll take Stewie with me to the Gardening Store. Besides, you deserve a break. You're doing a great job with the Cake Shop"

"Thanks Meg, but that's thanks to the spellbook" said Lois. "Anyway, it feels so good to have my own business!"

Suddenly, the phone rang. Lois picked it.

"Hello?" asked Lois.

"Mrs. Griffin? This is Nathalie!" shouted Nathalie. She looked really nervous. "Lois, you have to come here! This is a catastrophe!"

"Calm down, sweetie" said Lois cally. "Now tell me, what's wrong!"

"Oh my God!" said Meg, who was looking at the TV. "Mom, you have to watch this!"

**Cutaway to TV**

"In our local news, it has been discovered that the cakes from the local cake shop 'Lockhart&Griffin', owned by a big racked blonde woman and a red haired woman with a smaller bust, send tainted cakes" said Tom Tucker.

"That's right Tom" said Diane. "Everybody who bought a cake or any other product at that shop, suffered later from a painful diarrhea, due to the huge amount of laxatives in their products "

"And now we go to Ollie Williams with his thoughs about this incident, who actually bought there some muffins. Ollie?" asked Tom.

"MY STOMACH HURTS!!" shouted Ollie quickly.

"Thank you Ollie. And now we go to our Asian reporter Tricia Takanawa with a live report of the event" said Tom. "Wait, Tricia, doesn't you daughter work at that shop?"

"F(beep!)ck you, Tom" said Tricia.

**End Cutaway**

Lois stood in shock, looking at the screen, for several minutes. Then, she fell to the couch, and started to sob loudly.

"WHY!!?" cried Lois. "Why the hell this had to happen?"

"Grandma…" said Rosie.

"Come on, mom…" said Meg, before hugging her mother trying to comfort her mother.

"I only wanted to have my own business!" cried Lois. "But it seems that I'm only good at being a housewife!"

"Wait, didn't Lana told you that some guys from the Colbert industries threatened you?" asked Matt. "Maybe they spiked the flour or other ingredient with laxatives"

"Maybe you're right" said Lois. "But, so what if they did it? We don't have any proofs!"

"Then, we will have to obtain them!" said Matt with determination.

"How?" asked Lois. "What do you plan? Infiltrate in their offices and look for them?"

"Hey, good idea" said Matt. "Now we only have to gather everybody and devise a plan"

"I don't think that this is going to work…" said Lois sadly.

"Oh, come on, mom! You always tell me that I have fight for what I want! Now is the time for you to fight for your business!" said Meg.

"You know what? You're right!" said Lois, with renewed cheers. "Let's call everybody! I think that I have a plan…"

Hours later, that night, Flare is carrying o his back Rosie and Stewie. They're heading to the Colbert industries office building. Flare landed on the roof, and the two babies got down from him.

"Okay, this is Rosie" said Rosie, through a wireless radio. "We're in the roof"

"Excellent" said Meg through the other side of the line. "According to the plan, there must be a extractor fan there"

"I can see it!" said Rosie. "Come on, Stewie!"

The two toddlers entered in the extractor fan, and walked through the ventilation tubes.

"Where's our target?" asked Stewie.

"According to this" said Rosie, looking at her GPS. "It should be near the elevators. So that way"

They kept moving as silent as they could, but when they reached to one of the electrical panel, they found that there was a guard near it. They stared at him through the grille.

"Crap!" shouted Rosie.

"Rosie, is there something wrong?" asked Matt.

"Yes, there's a guard near the electrical panel" said Rosie.

"Then you have to find a way to get rid of him" said Matt.

"Okay" said Rosie. "Well, what could I do?" wondered Rosie.

"Do you have a coin?" asked Stewie.

"Stewie, this is not the best moment for borrow money!" said Rosie, annoyed.

"No, I have a plan. Toss a coin" said Stewie.

Rosie tossed a coin, which immediately attracted the guard's attention when it hit the floor.

"What was that?" asked the guard. Then he saw the coin. "Hey, half a dollar!"

However, while he bended to pick the coin, Stewie jumped out of the ventilation tube, fell on the guards back, and beaten the crap of him with a golf club until he was unconscious.

Rosie then teleported near him.

"That was your plan?" asked Rosie. "Beating him to death?"

"Hey, I didn't kill him!" said Stewie. "He doesn't look dead, does he?"

"Well, let's go to the panel" said Rosie, before using her powers to remove the cover, revealing lots of cables and switches. "Your turn"

Stewie pulled out some pliers, and, after looking closely at the panel, cut some wires.

Meanwhile, down in the street, in a black van, the rest of the family plus Mrs. Lockhart were waiting.

"Okay, the alarm is disconnected" announced Rosie. "You can go in"

"Excellent! Come on!" said Lois, as she, Peter, Meg and Matt, dressed in black like stereotypical spies, rushed to the building's main door. Unluckily, it was closed.

"Damn, is locked!" said Matt.

"It seems that we must find another way to enter" said Meg.

"Oh, it won't be necessary" said Lois as she pulled out a hairpin, and used it to unlock the door. "See? No problem"

"Lois, were the hell did you learn that?" asked Peter.

"In jail" replied Lois nonchalantly. Matt the looked at her, surprised. "It's a long story"

Matt looked at his GPS, which revealed a detailed map of the building.

"Okay, according to this map, the security room is in that hallway" said Matt pointing to a nearby hallway. "We need to get rid of the guards"

"Lave that to me" said Lois. "Wait, where did you get such a detailed map of this building?"

"From the internet" said Matt. "You can get practically everything from the internet. Well, and bittorrent"

"Matt is very good with computers, mom" said Meg, proudly.

"Anyway, I'll go to the security room. You three go to the president's office" said Lois.

"Alright" said Peter. "Wow, this is more exciting than that time I met William Shatner!"

**Flashba-**

"Wait" said Matt, interrupting the flashback. "We already did that flashback"

"Oh, I didn't know" said Peter. "Well, in that case…ladies and gentlemen, Conway Twitty!"

**Cutaw-**

"Oh no, you don't!" said Meg angrily. "Three times were MORE THAN ENOGUH!"

"In fact, one time was more than enough" said Matt in disgust.

"Hell, are you going to raise objections against all my flashbacks?" asked Peter, frowning.

"No. Just if the flashbacks are boring" said Meg.

"Or unnecessarily long" said Matt

"Or any 80's references" said Meg.

"Or fart jokes" said Matt

"Or jokes too stupid to be actually funny" said Meg.

"Or long and boring musical numbers that have nothing to do with the plot" said Matt.

"Or any joke that the readers may find stupid and boring" said Meg

Peter stared at them insilent for some seconds.

"Go f(beep!)ck yourselves" said Peter irritated, as he walked away.

"I think that we pissed him" said Matt.

"Bah, he'll forget it in five seconds" said Meg. "Just like that time after he read something in fanfiction dot net"

**Flashback**

Peter has read a Family Guy Fanfic and is now reviewing it.

"Dear Haylias…I HOPE YOU DIE!!" said Peter, after clicking the 'send' button. Then he read the review he wrote. "Wait, who's Haylias?"

(A/N: No offense to Haylias, but I guess that's what Peter would think after reading 'Labours of Love')

**End Flashback**

Later, in the presidnet's office, Matt is trying to hack his computer so he can obtain the proofs they're looking for.

"Alright, I figured out the password!" said Matt in joy. "Now I have complete access to the industries files and…HOLY SHIT!"

"Is there something wrong, honey?" asked Meg, worried.

"There are hundreds of files here!" said Matt, as he rolled down the screen. "The list of files is even longer than the list of things that lead to the dark side of the force"

"Man, then that list is _really _long!" said Peter, also worried.

"Hey, who's there?" asked a guard from outside the office. "What's that noise?"

"Nothing!" replied Peter. "We're just mites breeding in the carpet!"

"Oh, okay…" said the guard as he resumed his patrol. "Hey, we're not in the mite breeding season! Hey, mites doesn't talk at all!"

"Damn, he blew up our cover!" said Peter.

"Matt needs more time!" said Meg. "Quickly, dad, you must distract him!"

The guard burst in the room holding a gun.

"Everybody, freeze!" shouted the guard. But the guard was shocked to see Peter, dressed as a clown in a unicycle joggling cats.

"I'm distracting you?" asked Peter.

"Sure" said the guard, before putting his gun away. "This is actually pretty amusing!"

"Come on, Matt, dad's buying us some time, you must hurry!" said Meg, pressing her husband.

"I'm doing my best!" said Matt. "And I hope that Lois got rid of those cameras. I won't like to see my face on the news tomorrow"

"I'm sure that mom won't fail" said Meg.

**Flashback**

Some minutes ago, Lois entered in the security room. He saw a guard checking the screens. Lois quietly picked a metallic box, walked behind the guard, and raised the box.

"HYAAAAAAAA!!!" shouted Lois while smashing the box on the guards head. However, the hit had no effect in the guard. In fact, he didn't even noticed the hit. Lois hit him several times with no effect. "What the…?" asked Lois in shock.

Lois then looked at his legs and saw that there wasn't legs at all. The guard was just a doll.

"My god, it was a dummy" said Lois, ashamed. "Thanks god that nobody watched me trying to kill him"

**End Flashback**

Back to the president office…

"Matt!" shouted Peter. "Are you done with that yet?"

"Yes! I found all the proofs we need to unmask those bastards!" said Matt. "I'm loading them in my usb"

"Hurry! I don't think that I can keep the guard distracted much more time!" said Peter, who was beginning to lose the balance, until he finally fell to the ground.

"Well, this was boring…wait, what the hell are you doing with that computer?" asked the guard to Matt.

"Uhhhh…I'm upgrading the anti spyware!" said Matt.

"Oh, no problem then…" said the guard as he walked away. "Hey, you're too young to be working here! You're an intruder! Now freeze!" said the guard as he pulled out his gun again and aimed at Matt.

"Oh, come on, do you think you can fool me with a water gun?" asked Matt.

"What? Did I pick a water gun? Not again!" said the guard in frustration as he looked at his gun closely. "Hey, it's not a water gun, but a normal gun! You tried to fool me…!"

However, the guard was interrupted by Meg, who took advantage of his distraction and tackled him.

"Quickly, run!" said Meg as she, Peter and Matt ran away with the incriminatory usb.

"Attention!" shouted the guard through his walkie talkie. "There are intruders in the building! We must stop them at any cost!"

"Roger!" said another guard from the other line. "We'll activate Nemesis project"

Meanwhile, Peter, Meg and Matt were trying to flee from the building, with some Matrix-esque agents chasing them.

"Keep running!" said Matt. "They are going to get us!"

"Damn, we have something worse than those suited guys ahead!" said Peter. "Look!"

In front of them, Nemesis (yes, that annoying monster from resident evil 3 that keeps chasing you through the whole game) appeared, wielding a rocket launcher.

"Stars!" roared Nemesis, before firing his rocket launcher. The rocket headed towards the Griffins, but they dodged in time and the missile hit the agents instead, smite them to ashes. "Stars!" growled Nemesis in frustration.

"We get rid of those agents, but we still have to deal with that creep!" panicked Meg.

"Don't fear!" said Matt. "This is time for a…WWE reference! Batista, Undertaker, get him!"

Batista and The Undertaker appeared from nowhere and tackled Nemesis, engaging in a fight.

"Come on, you fight like a girl!" shouted Batista.

"Prepare to rest…in…PEACE!!" yelled the Undertaker.

"Alright, let's go!" said Matt.

Minutes later, Peter, Matt, Meg, Stewie and Rosie made their way out of the building and were in the van, heading home.

"We did it" said Matt, showing everybody the memory driver.

"Yes" said Lois. "If the owners of small business like me tried to face evil multi millionaire companies, the world will be a better place to live" said Lois.

"Lois, you really have guts" praised Mrs. Lockhart. "You're a more valuable partner than I though"

"Thanks, but we did all together and…"

But Lois was interrupted when something hit the van.

"Damn, there are several car behind us!" said Peter, looking through the rear-view mirror. Indeed, there were several cars loaded with Matrix-esque

"Those guys won't give up!" said Rosie in fear.

"Oh, they will" said Mrs. Lockhart, as she opened the back door of the van, and pulled out a huge rocket launcher from her large chest.

"Lana…what are you going to do?" asked Matt.

"Teaching those guys what happens when you mess up with Lana Lockhart!" shouted Mrs. Lockhart, before firing a missile.

The missile hit the first car, blasting it. The other cars crashed against the first one, exploding too. Some agents could exit the car nearly harmless, but they exploded too for no reason. A cat walked near the pile of ruined cars, and exploded too.

The next day, the family is sat in the living room, as usual, watching the TV.

"So, our cake shop is back on business" said Lois, happy.

"We're so happy for you, mom" said Meg.

"Wait, there's something that I don't get" said Brian. "You entered illegally in a building, stole confidential information from a industry database, and killed some of its security members, but any of you it's in jail"

"Says the one who legalized the same sex marriage holding the mayor at gunpoint" said Lois.

"Touché" said Brian.

"Besides, this is just a fanfic" said Peter. "You shouldn't take it too seriously"

"How about 'labours of love'?" said Brian.

"…shut up!"

**End Chapter**


	30. Double Trouble

**Chapter ****30: Double Trouble**

**(Sorry for the long delay. Also, sorry if this chapter isn't up to par, but my inspiration flows like a river of cement. Well, I hope that you like it. Enjoy.)**

Quahog on night is a very silent town. After a hard day at work, everybody is on their houses watching TV with their beloved families, in bars with their friends or just sleeping. However, this night is everything but silent, because a single red vehicle speeds through the now almost-deserted roads of Quahog. Yup, it's the Griffin station wagon. And inside the car a woman screams in agony. Yup, you're right again, that woman is Jillian, and she's now into labor. The Griffins and the Kennedys (except the babies) are all in the car too.

"AAAAAAAAHHHHH!!" screamed Jillian, lied down in the back seat.

"Jillian, just keep breathing!" said Lois, who was sat with her in the back seat. "We're almost in the hospital!"

"What the hell is happening to me?" asked Jillian. "I feel like those tacos I ate this afternoon trying to break free from my stomach!"

"Jillian, you're going into labor!" said Meg. "That pain is your babies trying to come out from your womb"

"What? But I thought that babies came out from eggs!" said Jillian.

"And now I have another reason to hate the Super Mario Bros live action movie" sighed Brian.

"Peter, why are you taking so long?" asked Lois.

"It's raining?" asked Meg, who saw water splashing the windows.

"Wait, no…" said Brian, who realized what happened. "Peter, did you just get into a f(bleep!)cking car wash!?"

"Well, the car is pretty dirty, and I don't want people to see it" said Peter. "Besides, what's the rush?"

"JILLIAN IS ON LABOR, FOR GOD'S SAKE!!" yelled Brian, unable to hold his anger.

"Lois, I told you that you should drive instead" said Matt dryly.

"Don't panic, Jillian can hold a bit longer, right, Jillian?" asked Peter as he turned back to her.

Jillian's scream was heard in the whole continent.

Meanwhile, in the Kennedy house, Stewie and Rosie are playing with Sophie to some board game.

"Did you hear that?" asked Rosie.

"Hear what?" asked Sophie.

"That noise" said Rosie. "It was like my Banshee Wail, except much louder"

"It's probably nothing" said Stewie. "Come on, it's your turn"

Back to the Griffins, they finally arrived at the hospital.

"See? We arrived just in time. Now…" but Peter was interrupted when he realized that the car was empty, except for a note in the back seat. "What the hell?"

_Peter, after your fourth stop, we decided to call for an ambulance. Next time I'll follow Matt's advice and I'll drive instead of you. Don't take it as something personal, but Jilli__an couldn't hold any longer._

_Lois._

"Jeez, what a bunch of ungrateful jerks" muttered Peter. "However, this is not the first time my help is not appreciated."

Peter stood there, but nothing happened.

"No, it's not any 80s reference" said Peter.

**Flashback**

Lois is in the living room. She picks the remote and switches on the TV. However, instead of turning on the TV, a secret compartment opens in the couch, revealing a small missile launcher that smites the TV.

"What the hell!?" yelled Lois.

"Hey, Lois, did you see what I've done?" asked Peter gleefully. "I installed secret rocket launchers across the house, in case some intruders may enter!"

"Peter, I want these things to disappear, now!" shouted Lois.

"Come on Lois, don't you value the safety of your family?" asked Peter.

"This is not safety! This puts us even in more danger" protested Lois. "Now I'm going to make dinner, and when I finish, I want these things gone!" said Lois before walking to the kitchen.

"Oh, Lois, if you want to use the oven, I installed a toxic gas trap on it" said Peter. "Lois…?"

**End flashback**

Peter entered in the hospital, and asked for his family. The receptionist led him to the maternity ward, where he saw them waiting. Brian was, for obvious reasons, particularly nervous.

"Oh, hi dad" said Meg. "Sorry for leaving you, but we couldn't wait"

"Jillian's inside that room" said Lois. "She's been there several hours…I wonder if she's okay"

"Let's think positively, right?" asked Matt. "I'm sure that she'll be fine"

Suddenly, a loud scream came from Jillian's room.

"Alright, everybody, start thinking the worst" rectified Matt.

Suddenly, Doctor Hartman came out from the room.

"Doctor, how did everything go?" asked Brian. "Please, tell us straight!"

"Yes, I don't want anybody to tell us homosexual!" said Peter angrily, and everybody looked at him blankly.

"Well, them I must say that everything went wrong from the beginning" said Hartman sadly.

"What?" asked Meg in horror.

"NO!" sobbed Brian.

"I can't believe it too, but Final Fantasy: the Spirit Within went wrong since the beginning" said Hartman. "Okay, let's take a look at her blood analysis and…AAAHHHH!"

"What?" asked Lois worried.

"Some idiot put a naked Rosie O'Donnell photo among the files" said Hartman, removing the photo. "Well, I'm afraid that Jillian won't be able to see her kids…"

"Oh my God!" shouted Brian.

"…because she just fainted after the birth" said Hartman. "However, I'm worried about the babies…"

"What happened to them?" asked Matt.

"They came out with some kind of strange appendix when it's usually the bellybutton" said Hartman.

"Eh, Doctor, I think that's the umbilical cord" pointed out Meg.

"Shut up, meg" said Peter. "Don't contradict the doctor!"

"Yes, doctors are cool, they give you candies!" said Chris with a glee.

"And when you grow up, you'll discover than doctors can give you even better things than candies…wonderful things that take you to amazing worlds, full of colours, action and excitement…" said Peter.

**Flashback**

A 18 year old Peter is in some random doctor office.

"Alright, Peter, the results are here, and they say that you have a wonderful health" said the doctor.

"Aren't you going to give me a candy?" said Peter.

"Peter, candies are for kids, but I can give you something more suitable for somebody of your age" said the doctor as he looked through the drawer of his table. "Here you have, the Super Mario Bros. All Stars"

"Thanks doc, that was much better than candy!" said Peter, excited.

**End Flashback**

"Doctor, please, can you tell us how Jillian and our kids are!?" asked Brian, trying to hold his rage.

"Ms. Russel is okay" said Hartman. "We have to put her some painkillers, but otherwise than that, she's okay, like the babies. You guys can see her now if you want."

The family entered in the room, to see Jillian, who was in the bed, holding two tiny figures wrapped in a blanket in her arms, as she smiled herself.

"Jilly-bean?" asked brian.

"Hey, oogy" said Jillian, almost in a whisper, unable to take her eyes from her newborn children. The rest of the family remained silent.

"Are…are you okay?" asked Brian.

"Yes" said Jillian. "Do you want to see _our_ kids?" asked Jillian softly.

Jillian handed the babies to Brian. Brian was surprised to see that one of them was a dog. A small puppy with white fur that almost reminded himself. Jillian told him that it was a boy. The other baby was a human girl with blonde hair. The rest of the Griffins couldn't wait anymore, and crowded around Brian and Jillian to look at the babies.

"Awwww…they're so cute…" moaned Meg. "Matt, how about if we have another baby?"

"Sure, like having already a magical powered baby isn't enough of a hard job" said Matt sarcastically.

"Hey, have you chosen any name for the babies?" asked Peter. "Because if not, you could…"

"NO!" said Brian.

"You didn't let me finish!" said Peter.

"Peter, Brian's not going to name her son Batman" said Lois.

Peter was going to say something, but he shut up.

"Well, if I ever had a son, I thought of calling him Kyle" said Brian. "What do you think?"

"I like it" said Jillian.

"And since I got to name the boy, how about if you name the girl?" asked Brian.

"I always thought that Maya was a beautiful name for a girl" said Jillian, as she looked at her daughter.

"So, Kyle and Maya Russell" said Brian. "Sounds really good"

The next months were especially hard. Jillian was an awful mother, and she had to learn a lot about taking care of not one but two babies. However, despite her stupidity, she was willing to become the best mother ever for her beloved kids. Brian also spent whole days (when he wasn't at job) with Jillian, helping her as much as he could. It didn't take too much time for them to find that raising two babies was anything but cheap.

It has been three months after Kyle and Maya's birth, and Brian entered in the Griffin house looking exhausted.

"My God Brian, are you okay? You look terrible!" said Lois at the sight of the dog. His hair was messy, had bags under his eyes, and several wrinkles across his face.

"Oh, really?" asked Brian sarcastically. "Wow, Lois, you must be more intelligent than I thought if you can come out with such an interesting observation. Tell me Lois, what are you doing here then? With such a brilliant mind, you should be developing an AIDS vaccine or finding a way to tell those Harry/Hermione shippers that their pairing was doomed since the first book!" yelled Brian. Everybody then looked at him. "Oh…sorry…I'm so sorry…it's…it's been a week since I don't get much sleep and…"

"Don't worry Brian" said Meg, as she put her hand on the dog's shoulder. "I know what you're going through. Babies give a lot of troubles the first months"

"Yes, and be grateful for not having magical kids like us!" said Matt. "Fortunately, magical or not, she's still a kid"

**Flashback**

We see the Griffin house, with Rosie in the top of the roof.

"Rose Mary Kennedy!" yelled Meg, very upset. "Get down here, now!"

"No!" shouted Rosie.

"Come on Rosie, be reasonable. The roof is not a safe place for a little girl like you" said Lois.

"Rosie, don't make me go there!" threatened Matt.

Peter walks out of the house to see what's happening.

"Hey, what's going on?" asked Peter.

"Rosie is in the roof, and she doesn't want to get down" said Lois.

"Oh, she's just a kid. Ignore her and she'll get down by herself" said Peter, as he and everybody else entered in the house, leaving Rosie alone in the roof.

"Hey, where are you going?" asked Rosie. "You should stay here paying attention to me and getting worried and angered and…! Hell, this isn't funny anymore…" said Rosie before teleporting inside the house.

**End Flashback**

"That's not all" said Brian, downbeat. "We're spending almost all our money on the babies: diapers, toys, two cribs, clothes…the fact that Jillian only has a part time job -and I don't think that she can get a better job- doesn't help. Well, she can spend a lot of times with the babies, but we just need more money"

"If you're short of money, maybe you should do overtime at work" suggested Lois.

"But I can leave the kids alone!" said Brian. "And by 'alone' I mean 'more than two hours under Jillian's care'"

"We could take care of them meanwhile" said Meg. "Besides, Stewie and Rosie would have two new friends to play with"

"You guys would do that for me?" asked Brian, rejoiced.

"Sure" said Peter. "Besides, thanks to you I was able to meet Anthony Michael Hall" said Peter.

Instead of a flashback, a lightning strikes Peter.

"Alright, no 80s references, I get it!" said Peter, as he ran out of the room sobbing.

"Anyway, I'll tell Jillian the good news" said Brian.

Minutes later, Brian arrived at Jillian's apartment, where Jillian was unpacking some new toys she brought for the babies.

"Hey, Jilly-bean! I have good news!" said Brian cheerful.

"Did you find that Bill guy whose mail we keep getting month after month?" asked Jillian.

"Jillian, those are bills, you know, from the bank, the electricity, water and…nevermind" said Brian when he saw Jillian's blank expression. "Anyway, Peter and Lois agreed to take care of our kids so we have more free time!"

"That's awesome!" said Jillian. "Besides, I can spend more time with Kyle and Maya and watch them to play with their new toys" said Jillian as she pulled out a rattle from a box. "Although I don't know how somebody can find amusing such a stupid toy like…hey, it rattles!" said Jillian as she shook the toy. "So that's why it's called rattle! Haha, it's so funny!"

"And I can do overtime so we can afford all the things our kids may need" said Brian. "Well, I'm gotta go. Lois said that you can take the babies to the Griffins this afternoon. That will give you some free time for relax"

"Thanks, oogy, you're the best!" said Jillian as she hugged him.

Some moments later, Jillian is dropping her kids on the Griffin house.

"Are you sure do you want me to leave them here?" asked Jillian.

"Yes, Jillian" said Lois. "Don't worry about us"

"Alright" said Jillian, before bending down and give her kids a goodbye kiss. "I'll be here in a couple of hours"

And Jillian left the house. Lois then took Billy and Maya to Stewie's room, where Stewie and Rosie were playing a random board game.

"Hey, kids, look who's here!" said Lois cheerful.

"Huh?" asked Rosie confused at the sight of those new babies.

"What the hell, you vile woman? Do you plan to replace us?" asked Stewie.

"Oh, how silly I am, you don't even know who are they" said Lois. "These are Kyle and Maya, Brian and Jillian's children. They'll spend some hours with us every day for the next days. Well, I hope you have fun" said Lois before leaving the room.

Stewie then walked to the blonde girl and the puppy. Maya was wearing a yellow strap top, a green skirt and white baby shoes. Kyle was just wearing the same dog collar as Brian.

"So…um…hello, I'm Stewie, and this is my niece Rosie" said Stewie. "Since we're going to spend a lot of time together, we should know each other better, so…what do you think about the economic crisis?"

Rosie just looked at Stewie blankly.

"Man, do you need to spend more time with people of your age" said Rosie. "Don't listen to him. Well, let's do something. Would you like to play Monopoly Star Wars?"

However, Rosie didn't get any response from them.

"Alright, I'll take that as a 'no'" said Rosie. "How about if we go to watch some TV? I think that they're airing American Dad right now"

Maya then began to cry, while Kyle felt asleep.

"Okay, no TV then..." said Stewie. "Maybe you should pick what to do"

But the answer was the same.

"My God, these kids are just plain boring and stupid!" complaining Stewie. "Well, considering that they took half of the genes from Jillian, it isn't a surprise"

"They're not stupid" said Rosie. "They aren't even six months old, so their faculties are barely developed"

"Fine" said Stewie "So we're stuck with a girl and a dog that won't do anything"

"Hey, I have an idea!" said Rosie. "Maybe we could enhance their intelligence with magic!"

"Sure, why not" said Stewie. "It won't be worst than watching the last Starcraft trailer"

**Cutaway**

In a dark and gloomy place in some random planet, the Protoss known as Zeratul is deciphering some ancient hieroglyphics, when he's suddenly attacked by zergs. Zeratul slash them with his psionic blades, until he senses a very powerful presence.

"Kerrigan, is that you? Show yourself!" demanded Zeratul. However, it was something worse than Kerrigan.

"I'm not Kerrigan" said a man in a suit before coming from the shadows. "I'm a lawyer"

"A lawyer?" asked Zeratul.

"And this is a sue against Blizzard for plagiarizing the lightsabers" said the lawyer, pointing at Zeratul's blade, as he handed the sue to Zeratul.

"But…this is wrong!" said Zeratul. "My psionic blade has nothing to do with lightsabers!"

"Let the judge to decide that" said the lawyer.

**End Cutaway**

Meanwhile, at the Rhode Island Democratic Party HQ, Brian was working in his desk among many other interims, when he sees his boss. Brian then walked towards him, looking really nervous.

"Uhm…Mr. Cromwell, can we speak?" asked Brian, sweating.

"Sure, Brian." Said Cromwell. "What do you want?"

"Well, I know that I haven't been here for too long, but I worked a lot since my first day, and my…my girlfriend had kids recently and…"

"So?"

"What I'm saying is that…I'm asking for a pay raise" said Brian. Mr. Cromwell looked serious.

"Brian, you really devoted yourself to the democratic cause, and you're a very hard worker, but I'm afraid that we can't afford any pay raise now, especially for somebody who hasn't been here even for six months" explained Mr. Cromwell as gentle as he could.

"Alright…" said Brian sadly. "I understand…the crisis and all, but I had to try…"

Suddenly, Joe, among other cops, burst in the room and tackled Mr. Cromwell.

"Garret Cromwell, you're under arrest for child porn traffic!" shouted Joe, after handcuffing him.

"What? You can do this to me! I have contacts!" threatened Cromwell while Joe's partners took him out of the buildings. "You regret of this, you f(bleep!) handicapped cop!"

"Whatever" said Joe, leaving the room. "Oh, hi, Brian, I didn't know that you worked here"

"Hi, Joe" said Brian. "Yeah, I need some extra cash."

"Well, take care" said Joe as he wheeled away.

"What happened here? What is all this fuss?" asked another man, who seemed to be the general manager of the party.

"They busted Mr. Cromwell for trafficking with child porn, Mr. Stevenson!" said a female employee.

"Really? What a shame" said Stevenson. "I bet with my secretary that they would arrest him for bribing. Now I owe her two weeks of vacation" said Stevenson. "Anyway, there's a vacancy now, so if any interim wants a promotion, this will be his or her chance" said Stevenson before leaving.

"That's it!" said Brian. "With a promotion, our financial problems will come to an end! I cannot waste this chance, just like George Lucas wasted the chance of making Return of the Jedi the best Star Wars Movie"

**Flashback**

George Lucas is looking at two pictures. One of them is a wookie, and the other one is a ewok.

"Mr. Lucas, have you decided yet what to do?" asked some random writer.

"Nyeeh!" cried Lucas as he hopped from foot to foot looking at both pictures. "I'll flip a coin!"

**End Flashback**

Meanwhile, back at the Griffin house, Stewie and Rosie used the spellbook to make a potion that, according to the book, will enhance anybody's intelligence.

"Alright" said Rosie. "Go ahead, but be cautious. Only a few drops. We don't want them to become super genius. This story has copied Malcolm Fox too many times"

"Please, stop breaking the fourth wall" said Stewie, before pouring a few drops of the potion over Kyle and Maya. Suddenly both kids began to glow, as their minds expanded, but only a bit.

"It worked?" asked Rosie.

"I don't know" said Stewie. "Hey, can you understand what I'm saying?"

"Yes" replied Kyle, who had a clean and nice voice. "Why I wouldn't understand?"

"Yay! It worked!" cheered Rosie.

"What worked?" asked Maya, whose voice was very high pitched but sweet. "Where are we?"

"It's a long story" said Stewie.

"No, it isn't'" replied Rosie. "You were born three months ago, and since you were too young for playing with us, we used magic for enhance your intelligence"

"Rosie, when somebody says 'it's a long story', is to avoid telling said story, no matter how long it is" said Stewie, upset.

"Forget about it" said Rosie.

"Wait, you guys can do magic?" asked Maya, surprised.

"Yeah" said Stewie. "We have a magic book, but don't tell anybody. Otherwise, a lot of people would come here waning to use magic to solver their daily problems, like we just have done"

"Anyway, let's do something to kill boredom" said Rosie. "Do you want to play some videogames?"

"Sure!" said Kyle and Maya in unison.

"Alright!" said Rosie, her eyes glowing blue. She teleported all of them to the living room.

"What was that?" asked Maya, shocked.

"That? Nothing, just using my powers for teleport you all here" said Rosie, proudly. "Yes, despite having a spellbook, I also have magic powers"

"I wish I had magic powers" said Kyle.

Lois then entered in the room.

"Hey kids, are you hungry? I just made some cookies" said Lois.

"Yes!" said Maya.

"What?" asked Lois in surprise. "She can talk?"

"I can talk too" said Kyle. "Just don't mind that, besides of being very young, I'm also a dog"

"But you are so young!" said Lois, before looking at Rosie suspiciously. "Rosie, did you have anything to do with this?"

"Why every time something supernatural happens, people look at me?" asked Rosie, offended. "Maybe a little. But Stewie also did it!"

"Telltale!" shouted Stewie.

"You shouldn't do it!" said Lois. "Magic is very dangerous and unpredictable! What if something bad happened to them?"

"But nothing bad happened, and now they can speak, making much easier for their parents to knew their needing" said Rosie.

"Ouch!" said Kyle as he clutched his stomach.

"Oh my God!" said Lois as she rushed to him. "Are you alright?"

"My stomach…hurts…" moaned the puppy. Lois glared coldly at her son and granddaughter, who looked really scared.

Kyle then farted.

"Ohh…much better now" said Kyle, and everybody sighed in relief. "I think that I didn't agree with that baby food mom buys for us"

"See? Everything's okay" said Rosie.

"Alright" said Lois. "But this is the last time you use magic without an adult's permission! And no, grandpa doesn't count!"

Lois left the room.

"Who was that woman?" asked Kyle.

"That's Lois, my grandma and his mom" explained Rosie.

"Seems to be a nice person" said Maya. "Too bad I can't say the same about her sense of style. I mean, did you look at that blouse?"

"You know, your dad was madly in love with her" said Stewie.

"Really?" asked Kyle. "It's hard to believe. Mom is much more beautiful than her"

"And she doesn't have those ugly wrinkles" pointed Maya out.

Somebody then knocked the door. Lois opened and there stood Jillian.

"Hi, Lois. I'm here to pick Kyle and Maya" said Jillian.

"Mom!" shouted both children, as they ran and hugged her.

"Hey, how did you learn to speak so fast?" asked Jillian.

"Just don't ask" said Lois.

"Well, I'm actually happy, because now it will be much easier for me to knew their needing" said Jillian happily.

Brian then walked burst in the house, really excited.

"I have great news!" shouted Brian. "If I'm lucky, I'll get a promotion and earn more money! There are other three interims that had presented applications for the promotion, but I think that I can get it"

"Brian, that's awesome!" said Lois.

"Indeed" said Jillian. "Some friend of mine told me that I had to reduce expenses, but I don't know how to do it since expenses don't have size!"

Both Brian and Lois stared at Jillian blankly.

"Well, I hope you have luck with that. Say goodbye to dad, kids!" said Jillian.

"Goodbye daddy" said Kyle and Maya in unison before leaving.

"Hey, after they spent a day here, they can speak?" asked Brian. "How I'm not surprised?"

"Alright, this is it!" said Rosie, upset. "I'm not going to use magic anymore!"

Lois, Stewie and Brian burst in laughs.

"I'm serious!" yelled Rosie, but that made them laughing even harder.

"What's happening here?" asked Meg, as she and Matt entered in the room. "What's so funny?"

"Rosie just said that she's not going to use magic anymore" said Lois, which also made Meg and Matt to laugh.

"Idiots…" muttered Rosie as she teleported away. "DAMN!"

Later, the whole family was having dinner. They were also talking about, of course, Brian's possible promotion.

"You're so lucky" said Peter. "I wish I had a promotion at the brewery. That way I could earn more money to spend on unnecessary things "

"Well, you actually had it" said Lois. "However, you can't expect to be promoted after blowing up a children's hospital"

"Hey, Lois, speaking of earning more money, how about a pay raise?" asked Matt. "My motorbike needs some repairing"

"Sorry, Matt, but the cake shop doesn't earn enough money to raise your pay, but I will when things go better" said Lois.

"Hey, mom, are those diamond earrings?" asked Chris, noticing a glitter in her ears.

"Ummm… HEY! The phone is ringing! I GET IT!!" said Lois as she rushed out of the kitchen.

"That's weird. I didn't hear anything" said Matt confused.

"Mr. Stevenson said that he'll announce the promotion this Monday" said Brian. "I don't think that I can get to sleep meanwhile"

"Well, everything would be much easier if somebody would get rid of the other applicants" said Peter. "I have some friends in the mafia, do yo want to ask them for..?"

"No!" shouted Brian. "I'm an honest person, and I'll get that promotion without doing anything illegal!"

"Alright" said Peter. "But then don't cry when you have to sell your organs to feed your children"

"Dad! Brian's right!" said Meg. "Brian, you're very intelligent and capable, I'm sure that the promotion will be yours"

"Oh, come on! Nowadays is impossible to success while being honest! Look at Peter Parker, he wouldn't succeeded as photographer if it wasn't for those Spiderman pictures that practically nobody else would get" said Peter.

"Brian, don't listen to him" said Matt. "You'll do it fine"

"Thanks" said Brian. "Now, if you excuse me, I'm going to bed. Today has been a really hard day"

Later, in the night, everybody is asleep. Everybody except Brian, who, despite getting in bed the first, wasn't able to sleep. He couldn't stop thinking about the promotion. Several thoughts crossed his mind.

_To be honest…_

_If somebody would get rid of the other applicants…_

_Doing anything illegal…_

_You have to sell your organs to feed your children_

_Peter Parker…_

Very carefully, Brian get off of the bed, trying not to wake up Peter and Lois. Then, walked quietly and entered in Meg's room, where Meg and Matt were sleeping. He spotted the spellbook on Meg's desk.

"_If I use the spellbook, I can get rid of the other guys and have no competition for the promotion, and nobody would suspect anything…" _Thought Brian.

"No!" shouted Matt.

Brian froze in shock. He woke up Matt. What was going to say when he saw him in his room?

"No…" repeated again. "Damn WoW…stop stealing my friends…"

Brian deeply sighed in intense relief. He was speaking in dreams.

"_Are you sure you want to do it?" _said Meg from a thinking cloud_. "I though you were honest"_

"I am, but…" said Brian.

"_Come on, are you going to listen to Meg_?" asked Peter from another thinking cloud_. "Do your best for your family! Be a responsible dad like me"_

"_If you want to be like him, then start treating your daughter like crap" _said Meg_. "Speaking of her, what would your children think of you if you d such a horrible deed?"_

"_With great power, comes great responsibility" _said Spiderman from another imaginary cloud. _"But sometimes responsibility means that you must do the best for your beloved ones, even if it's immoral"_

"_Die, Spiderman!" _shouted the Green Goblin as he attacked Spiderman with some grenades. Spiderman however was able to dodge them.

"_Damn, I have to go!" _said Spiderman, before abandoning the thinking cloud to battle the Goblin. _"Think in what I told you!"_

Stewie then walks into the empty cloud.

"_Brian, maybe it isn't a good moment, but do you know a site where I can download the last season of CSI? Matt told me a bunch of sites, but the quality was very low and…"_

"What the hell are you doing here?" asked Brian.

"_Yes, it wasn't a good moment" _said Stewie.

"_I told you so" _said Rosie popping in another cloud.

"_Rosie, what are you doing here?" _ asked Meg. _"You should be sleeping!"_

"_I am"_ replied Rosie. _"This is Brian's imagination"_

"Can you leave me alone?" yelled Brian, and all the clouds disappeared.

Brian breathed deep, and made his decision.

The next day, Peter, Lois and Brian, were watching TV.

"In our local news, a tragic accident happened in road 86 when two cras collided with each other" said Tom.

"The drivers of the aforementioned cars were members of the Rhode Island Democrate Party, and were expecting a promotion" said Diane. "Fortunately, said drivers are okay, but had to be hospitalized"

"Despite the inicial report points that it wa san accident, the police suspects that it may be caused by one of the other two democrat interims who were also expecting a promotion, Christian Young and Brian Griffin" said tom, and a picture of brian and the other democrat guy appeared in the right corner of the screen.

"It may be, Tom" said Diane "Just like Julia White, your predecessor who 'misteriously' disappeared in a trip to Africa. Right, Tom?"

"Newsflash! Diane is a bitch!" said Tom.

Lois then turned off the TV.

"Brian, do you have something to do with that?" asked Lois.

"Hell, no!" said Brian. "I admit that I thought in using the spellbook to getting rid of the competition, but I didn't do it!"

Suddenly, Meg rushed downstairs.

"Mom! Dad!" shouted Meg. "Somebody stole my spellbook…again!"

"Oh my God!" shouted Peter. "If it's in the wrong hands, they can do a lot of horrible things, like make a fourth Terminator movie!"

"Call Rosie" said Lois. "Maybe she can perceive the power of the book and lead us to the culprit"

"Good idea" said Meg as she rushed again upstairs.

"Lois, don't you think that I stole the book, do you?" asked Brian.

"I don't know what to think, Brian" sighed Lois.

However, Meg then came back again, holding her phone.

"I already found who have my book" said Meg, who looked partially relieved with the news.

Hours later, at Jillian's apartment, Brian is talking with his children, who were the ones who stole the book.

"Thanks for calling us, Jillian" said Meg to jillian, who found the book in the twins' room.

"So, you used the book to ensure that I'll get the promotion?" asked Brian, disappointed.

"Yes" said Maya. "We heard you and mom talking about your lack of money, and how money you were spending on us"

"So we tried to help you to get that promotion" said Kyle. "We didn't want to harm those guys, just wanted to help you"

"I know" said Brian. "But I guess that I must teach you later a little word named honesty. Fortunately, you didn't cause too much harm. Now I have to head over to the Democrat office, and resing to the promotion"

"But you can quit!" said Lois. "I mean, even if it's not honest, you need the money"

"But I can't set such a bad example for my kids!" said Brian.

"Hey, I have an idea!" said Meg. "One of the things that I learn working with Mayor West is that politic parties are full of corruption"

"Right, but I don't want to be just another corrupt politician, that's why I'm going to quit" said Brian.

"Well, listen to my plan" said Meg. "You'll get a lot of money and you won't become another corrupt politician. First, you…"

The next morning, the family were watching TV together.

"Thanks a lot, Meg" said Brian. "Your plan worked perfectly. Although I feel like a traitor doing that"

"Oh, come on Brian, you only used one of the two ways of triumph in politics" said Matt.

"Which ways are those?" asked Peter.

"The first one is being corrupt" said Meg. "And the second one is denounce corrupt guys, and that's what Brian did. He gathered proofs of the corruption of some democrat high ranks and sold them to the media"

"Come on, Brian, don't feel bad" said Lois. "Try to think that now the party has less corruption among its ranks. Besides, think in all the money you got for your children."

"Speaking of corruption" said Matt. "Lois, I've been reviewing the accountancy of the cake shop, and…"

"Oops! Look what time is it!" said Lois, very nervous and shifty eyed. "I have to make the dinner!" said Lois before rushing to the kitchen.

**End chapter**


	31. A Freaking Scary Camp Trip

**Chapter ****31: A freaking scary camp trip  
**

Peter was drinking in the drunken Clam with his usual friends Quagmire, Cleveland and Joe.

"Come on guys, let's drink until Horace looks like a hot woman, tonight it's on me!" said Peter really cheerful.

"Wow, Peter, thanks a lot!" said Quagmire.

"Yes, you must be very happy for getting us to drink" said Cleveland. "And I don't mean being happy like watching the Patriots winning a game, but being happy like watching any of those horribly reality shows from MTV and FOX being cancelled"

"Yes, Peter, why are you so happy?" asked Joe, a bit suspicious.

"Because my son in law is going to take Meg and all the kids to a camp trip to the lake….during the whole weekend!" shouted Peter out of joy. "That guy is crazy. First he married Meg and now this. In fact, he's also going to take Brian's kids with them"

"Hey, maybe you can tell him to take Susie too" said Joe. "Since her birth Bonnie and I have been really busy and we would like to spend some time alone"

"Can Susie talk yet?" asked Peter.

"No" replied Joe.

"Sorry then, but no" said Peter. "More luck next time"

"It's because I'm handicapped, isn't it?" yelled Joe. "MY DAUGHTER ISN'T GOOD ENOUGH FOR YOU BECAUSE HER DAD IS HANDICAPPED!!"

"Hey, Joe, calm down!" said Quagmire.

"Yes, you're scaring me!" said Cleveland. "Even more my last date"

**Flashback**

Cleveland is dating some random black woman.

"Have you been married, Cleveland?" asked the woman.

"Yes. We divorced after she cheated on me" said Cleveland sadly. "What about you?"

"I've been married three times" said the woman.

"Three times?" asked Cleveland. "What happened with your first husband?"

"He died" said the woman. "After eating a poisonous mushroom"

"I'm sorry to hear that" said Cleveland sincerely. "What happened with the second?"

"He died too after eating a poisonous mushroom" said the woman, much to Cleveland's fear.

"You know, I'm afraid to ask what happened with your last husband" said Cleveland, worried.

"He died of a broken neck" said he woman.

"That's terrible!" said Cleveland, partially relieved. "How did it happen?"

"He wouldn't eat the mushrooms" said the woman.

**End Flashback**

Meanwhile, at the Griffin house, Matt is loading camp stuff in the trunk of the family station wagon, while Meg is strapping the five kids to their respective booster seats. Both were wearing camping clothes.

"It's very nice of you to take all the kids with you" said Lois. "They don't get too many chances to stay altogether"

"This trip will be good for all of us" said Matt. "The kids will be able to play with each other in the nature and Meg and I will improve our parenting skills"

"But remember, if something happens, just call me, okay?" asked Lois. "And don't let Stewie to eat wild berries. He has this fad of eating everything he finds in the ground"

"Maybe if you would cook something eatable instead of the usual crap meal, I won't have to look for decent food, you bitch!" shouted Stewie. "Thanks god that I'm going to be far away from you"

"Don't worry, Lois" said Matt, in his usual optimistic mood. "I will constantly keeping an eye on all of them"

"And be careful with bugs" said Lois. "If some of them bites Stewie and its poisonous…"

"I'm already prepared" said Matt. "I bought a first aid kit if something like that happens"

"And…"

"Lois, please, trust me, Stewie will be fine!" said Matt.

"Sorry, it's that I'm not used to stay too far from my Stewie" said Lois.

"Listen, you can call me at night if that makes you feel better, okay?" asked Matt. Lois nodded in response.

"Alright, that was the last one" said Meg, after strapping Sophie's chair.

"It isn't beautiful, honey?" asked Matt. "In the nature, only you and me…and your brother…and my sister…and our daughter…and two kids which aren't even related to us, but we're taken with us anyways…"

"Yes, I can't wait to arrive" said Meg.

"Hey, can we stop?" asked Stewie. "I need to go to the bathroom"

"We didn't even leave!" said Maya.

"Oh, shut up, Jillian Jr.!" said Stewie angry. "Your high pitched voice is giving me a headache!"

"My voice isn't that high pitched!" yelled Maya, prompting the glasses of the Griffin car to crack.

"Good job, sis" said Kyle bitterly.

"Alright, maybe is a little high pitched…" said Maya embarrassed.

Rosie's eyes glowed blue, and she fixed the car's glasses.

"Well, if somebody has to go the bathroom, this is your chance" said Meg. "Because we're not going to stop until we arrive to the lake"

"Stewie?" asked Matt.

"No, now I don't feel like going" said Stewie.

"Alright" said Matt before he and Meg got into the car. "Everybody have your backpacks?"

"YES!" said all the kids in unison as they showed their backpacks.

"Okay, everybody, let's go!" said Matt before leaving, watching Lois waving them.

"Hey, stop! Now I have to go to the bathroom!" said Stewie. But Matt ignored him. "Matt?"

Minutes later, Peter arrived at the house.

"Hello, Lois, I'm here" said Peter. "Are Meg and the kids gone yet?"

"Yes" replied Lois from the kitchen.

"Excellent" said Peter. "A weekend with no kids! This is going to be better than that time I came up for the perfect present for Brian's birthday!"

**Flashback**

The family is celebrating Brian's birthday party. Peter hands him a wrapped box.

"Here you have, Brian" said Peter. "I'm sure that you'll love it"

"How can you tell?" asked Brian.

"Well…remember that you told me that you loved Jazz?"

"Yes" said Brian.

"And that you liked John Coltrane?" asked Peter.

"Yes!" said Brian, moving his tail.

"And that you wanted that original LP signed by Coltrane himself that was on ebay some weeks ago?" asked Peter.

"YES!" shouted Brian.

"Well, that's why I decided to buy you a boomerang!" said Peter, while Brian picked said boomerang, greatly disappointed. "I hope you like it!"

**End Flashback**

"Peter, since the kids are gone, maybe we could do something together…you know, you and me…" said Lois as he walked to Peter.

"Hey, I'm still here!" protested Chris.

Peter then pulled out a remote, pressed a button, and a trapdoor opened below his son's feet.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaa…" shouted Chris. "My God, what a long fall! AAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaa…!"

"Did you say something, honey?" asked Peter.

"Yes, since the kids are gone, we could do something romantic…you know, like a candlelight dinner…or watch a movie together…"

"Lois, we already do a lot of things together" said Peter. "Like cooking and cleaning the house"

"Peter, I do that alone while you watch TV or hang out with your friends!" shouted Lois. "Come on Peter, when was the last time we did something together?"

"Watch TV?" asked Peter.

Lois grumbled some unintelligible insult and left the room.

Back to Meg, Matt and the kids, they're on the road to the lake.

"You know, the lake used to be a dumpster for toxic wastes" said Meg. "But since mom became mayor and cleaned it, it's much better"

"I hope it still clean" said Matt. "I don't want this weekend to be ruined by oil companies"

"Oh, don't worry, you don't need oil companies for that. Bringing that cow with us ensures that the weekend is already ru-eened"

"Stewie" said Rosie. "You know, that phrase already has two reasons to break my promise to not use magic to harm people, right?" threatened Rosie.

"Come on, Rosie" said Kyle. "Don't be so harsh with Stewie just because he's dyslexic"

"How do you dare to call me that, bag of fleas!" shouted Stewie, outraged, as he tried to hit Kyle, but he didn't reach.

"Meg, the kids are a making a lot of noise back there, can you do something about them?" asked Matt.

"Sure" said Meg. "Do you want to watch some TV?" asked Meg before pulling down the screen that shows some _The Simpsons_ episode. The kids finally stayed quieter.

"My god, look at that" said Stewie in disgust.

"What?" asked Sophie.

"Apu's octuplets are now even bigger than Maggie" said Stewie. "I hate when a show stops some characters from growing or aging"

"Me too" said Rosie. "Can you imagine if that happens to us?"

**Cutaway**

15 years in the future, we see the Griffin household, which is still the same except for some minor changes.

"Mom, grandma, I'm at home!" said Rosie as she entered in the house(yeah, she's still living there). Rosie was now an attractive gothic girl. Rosie then dropped her backpack on a chair and sat in the couch with Stewie, who was watching TV.

However, Stewie was still (or had the appearance of) a one year old baby.

"Ummm…Stewie?" asked Rosie.

"What?"

"Uhh…welll…I haven't said anything in these years but…this is getting too awkward…have-have you…you know…did you think in…in going to the doctor?" asked Rosie.

"Why?" asked Stewie. "Do I look sick or something?"

"No…it's that…it's that, well…it's been 15 years since I met you, and you haven't growth, changed or even _aged _at all…" stammered Rosie.

"So what?" asked Stewie again.

"Well…it's that…oh, nevermind" said Rosie disdainfully.

**End Cutaway**

"Meg, have you brought the spellbook?" asked Matt.

"Yes" said Meg. "I don't trust dad. He'll probably do something really dangerous and irresponsible just for the hell of it"

"Then, keep an eye on it, and on the children" said Matt. "Remember that Stewie and Sophie had used the spellbook before, and I'm sure that they will do it again whenever they have the chance"

"Don't worry, I will" ensured Meg.

About an hour later, Matt, Meg and the kids arrived at the lake.

"Alright, you can play here while Meg and I set the tents" said Matt. "Sophie, you're the older, so you're in charge"

"Yay!" cheered Sophie. "You all heard my brother, everybody is going to do all what I say!"

"Sophie!" shouted Matt.

"…please?" said Sophie.

"Don't go too far, otherwise you may get lost!" said Meg.

"Don't worry mom!" said Rosie as she and the others entered in the woods. "We will be safe!"

"Matt, I'm worried" said Meg. "I think that something bad is going to happen"

"How can you tell?" asked Matt.

"I don't know, but I think that due to the magical radiation, I'm developing some kind of foresighting powers…" said Meg, rubbing her arms as she was cold.

"I'm sure it's nothing" said Matt. "Come on, let's see if we can unpack everything before it gets dark"

Meanwhile, the five children were playing not too far from there.

"Hey, Maya" said Sophie as she walked to her holding a flower. "Look what I found!"

"Wow, really pretty" said Maya, mildly impressed.

"Do you think that Stewie will like it?" asked Sophie.

"Seriously, what do you see in Stewie?" asked Maya, confused. "He isn't precisely handsome, and I don't going to talk about his horrible sense of style…"

"Well, he knows how to…draw my interest" said Sophie sheepishly, as she pressed the flower against her chest.

"Hey, girls!" said Rosie, as she walked to them. "What are you doing?"

"Nothing" said Maya. "Just talking about her crush on football head boy"

"Don't worry, sooner or later, he will fall" cheered Rosie.

"Speaking of which, where's Stewie?" asked Sophie.

"I think that he went with my brother deep into the woods" said Maya. "He said something about looking for Indian graveyards and stuff like that…"

"Mom told us not to go any further than this" complained Rosie. "Now mom and dad are going to blame us for this!"

"Actually, they're going to blame Sophie" pointed Maya. "Your dad left her in charge"

"What?" asked Sophie in horror.

"Oh, then there's nothing to worry about if a bear eats them" said Rosie nonchalantly.

"No way!" said Sophie. "Let's go to find them before it gets dark!"

"Oh, come on, I'm sure they'll be fine" said Maya.

"NOW!" yelled Sophie.

"Okay, okay!" said Rosie. "There's no need of getting so angry, like some people after seeing the new characters introduced in Naruto"

**Cutaway**

A skinhead is reading a Naruto manga, the chapter in which Killerbee is introduced.

"What? A nig(beep!)r in Naruto? Damn you, Kishimoto!!" shouted the skinhead.

**End Cutaway**

"But how are we going to find them?" asked Sophie.

"If Flare was here I could watch from the sky…" wondered Rosie. "But he's not here, so there's no way of knowing where are they…"

"Oh, that's easy" said Maya. "They took this path to the north, then turned to the right and climbed a small hill"

Both Rosie and Sophie looked at her in surprise.

"H-How do you know that?" asked Rosie in amazement.

"I can smell them" said Maya nonchalantly. Then she noticed that both Sophie and Rosie were still staring at her in shock. "Well, having a dog for a dad had to have something good, right?"

Meanwhile, far from the girls and the grownups, Stewie and Kyle continued with their small trip.

"Stewie, I think that we should go back" said the dog. "Meg and Matt told us not to go too far"

"Oh, come on, this isn't too far" said Stewie. "We're still in the woods, aren't we?"

"You have to grow some sense of adventure" said Stewie. "Just like your dad. Your dad and I used to go to a lot of places together, back in the good times"

"Really?" asked Kyle, interested.

"Yes, and now that he's married to that stupid bimbo, I need a new partner" said Stewie.

"Hey, don't insult my mom!" shouted Kyle.

"Why is everybody so emotional about their mothers? I want to kill mine and you don't hear me bitching about it" said Stewie.

"Nevermind. What about Rosie or Sophie? They were here before I was born" said Kyle.

"Sophie is constantly hitting on me, and Rosie is a cute girl with magic powers, and could be a threat for my character focus" explained Stewie.

After a short walk, they reached a cave.

"Look! The perfect place!" said Stewie, satisfied.

"The perfect place? For what, hiding a corpse?" asked Kyle sarcastically.

"Hey, it's true! I can hide Lois' body here once I finish her…but that's another story. This cave is the perfect place to test your guts and bravery if you want to be my partner in my adventures!"

"I don't want to be your partner" replied Kyle. "And trust me, there's no way I'm going to enter in that creepy cave" said Kyle.

"Are you sure?" asked Stewie slyly.

"Hundred percent sure" replied Kyle. "Wait, why are you grinning?"

"Are you sure you won't go there?" asked Stewie again as he picked a stick from the floor.

"No…you won't dare!" stammered Kyle.

"Ha! Watch me!" said Stewie evilly. "Catch!" shouted Stewie as he threw the stick inside the cave.

Kyle couldn't suppress his most primal instinct and chased it barking, running on his four legs, entering in the dark cave, followed by Stewie.

"Damn you, football headed freak!" cursed Kyle. "I got it, I got it!" shouted Kyle cheerful, with the stick between his jaws.

"See? You entered in this dark, creepy cave without hesitation. It wasn't that bad, right?" asked Stewie.

"I guess not" said Kyle. "Can we get out of here?"

"Yes, but stop nuzzling me!" said Stewie.

"Stewie…I'm not nuzzling you…" said Kyle, a bit frightened.

"What the deuce…?" asked Stewie as he light a match. To his and Kyle's horror, they were in front of an angry bear. "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!!!" screamed both.

Stewie and Kyle ran out of the cave, chased by the angry bear, until they were cornered against a big old tree.

"Oh, dear God, this is the end" cried Stewie. "I can believe that I'm going to die being so young! There's so many things that I wanted to do!

"Stewie" said Kyle. "I only meet you for some few days, but before we're eaten, there's something I want to tell you…"

"Kyle, there's no need of…"

"I HATE YOU!" shouted Kyle.

Suddenly, in a flash of blue light, Rosie appeared between the kids and the bear.

"Rosie!" shouted Stewie and Kyle with extreme joy.

"Don't worry, I will take you to a safe place!" said Rosie in a over the top manner. "Teleportation now!"

And Rosie teleported away…leaving Stewie and Kyle alone with the bear.

"God, and I thought that my mom and my sister were slow…" muttered Kyle.

Rosie then returned, showing a shameful smile

"Sorry" said Rosie, trying to hide her embarrassment. "I'm not used to teleport other people with me. Teleportation now!"

This time, Rosie teleported herself with Stewie and Kyle to the top of a nearby tree, where Sophie and Maya were waiting.

"I'm alive!" said Stewie, overjoyed. "God had given me a second chance! Now, I will devote my life to help others and be a good person and-oh who the hell I'm trying to kid…"

"I hope that this serves as a lesson to not disobey my mom when she's in charge" said Rosie.

"Don't worry, you're safe now" said Maya, noticing that Kyle was still a bit shocked. "Bears can't climb trees"

"Yeah, the only menace here are squirrels" joked Sophie. As on clue, a squirrel came from its lair and approached her. "Awwwww, look this. It ain't cute?"

However, the squirrel then turned its eyes bloodshot, its hair stood on end and hissed showing its fangs. The squirrel then attacked Sophie's face.

"AAAAAAAAAHHH!" cryed Sophie. "Get it out of me, get it out of me!!"

"Don't move!" said Rosie, before casting a small lightning to the squirrel, prompting it to leave.

"What the hell was wrong with that squirrel?" asked Kyle.

"I don't know, but I guess that it's just the same with those other squirrels!" said Stewie as he pointed to a bunch of bloodshot eyed, rabid squirrels that were surrounding them.

"Rosie, take us out of here!" said Stewie.

"You don't have to tell me twice!" said Rosie as her eyes glowed blue. The next second, the five kids were again on the ground.

"That was close" sighed Maya.

"Are we safe now?" asked Sophie.

"I don't think so! Look!" panicked Kyle, pointing to the same raging bear that attacked them before.

"Rosie, teleport us to somewhere were neither a bear nor a squirrel can reach!" said Stewie.

"There are two problems with that" said Rosie. "First, I don't think that such a place exist, and second, teleporting other people leaves me almost drain of energy. We have to escape using the old way"

"Which is…?" asked Sophie.

"EVERY MAN FOR HIMSELF!!" shouted Rosie as she and the rest of the kids fled from the bear.

They were running for almost ten minutes, until the bear finally gave up. However, they were attacked shortly by a bunch of mad owls, forcing them to flee again. When the owls left them alone, they decided to rest.

"First a bear, then squirrels, and now owls!" complained Maya. "What's wrong with this place?"

"And it's getting dark" said Kyle.

"If Flare was here…" sighed Rosie.

"If at least there were some turtles here…" sighed Maya.

"Turtles?" asked Sophie. "Do you think that a bunch of turtles could protect us?"

"No, they won't, but we could stomp them, and use their shells as weapons to kill any angry animal!" said Maya.

"Uhh… I don't think that turtles work that way…" said Rosie.

"Don't be silly! I've seen that Italian Nintendo plumber doing that a thousand times! Well, except if the turtles have spiked shells, since we could get hurt" said Maya.

"Is she always like this?" asked Stewie. "Well, considering that she also looks like her mom, I guess that this shouldn't surprise me"

Suddenly, they hear sounds of rustling in the bushes.

"Oh, what will be next? Wolves? Snakes? Roman Polanski?" asked Stewie. "Or a Wolf/Snake hybrid trained by Roman Polanski?"

Meg then walked out of the bush.

"Oh no, it's HER" said Stewie.

"Here you are" said Meg. "Matt, I found them!"

"MOM!" shouted Rosie as she threw herself to hug her.

"We're saved!" cheered Sophie.

"Where did you go?" asked Matt as he walked to them. "We were really worried"

"Well, we were playing and….suddenly we got lost. This forest is pretty big" said Sophie.

"Alright, fortunately, all of you seem to be okay, so let's go back to the camp and pretend that this didn't happen, okay?" asked Matt, and all the kids nodded in response. After what they went through, they couldn't be happier.

Matt and Meg lead the kids to their camp near the lake, however, their path was blocked by a bunch of warthogs, which looked really angry. Everybody gasped in fear, except Matt, who didn't panic.

"Okay, keep calm. I know exactly what to do. Don't make any abrupt movement, and wal slowly backwards. We will find another way" said Matt, trying to inspire confidence on Meg and the kids.

The warthogs, however, charged against them for no reason.

"Forget about what I said! Let's run!" said Matt as he picked Rosie, Stewie and Sophie while Meg picked Kyle and Maya and fled from the warthogs.

"Let's climb a tree!" said Meg. "Warthogs can't climb!"

"If we climb a tree we will be attacked by squirrels! And owls!" said Rosie.

"There's no place to hide!" panicked Sophie. "We don't know why, but all the animals are mad at us for some unknown reason"

"And Maya's annoying high pitched voice only makes them angrier!" said Kyle.

"Take back that!" yelled Maya, breaking Meg's glasses. Rosie used her powers to fix them.

Suddenly, Meg's cell phone began to ring. Meg cursed for the inopportune of the call.

"Hello?" asked Meg.

"Meg? This is mom" said Lois from the other side of the line. "I don't want to be a nag, but I want to know how you and Stewie are"

"We're…fine!" said Meg between gasps. "Everything is fine!"

"Really?" said Lois, unsure. "Why it seems that you're running from something, probably to save your life?"

"Oh, no, it's just a game that Matt set up for the kids" explained Meg. "Well, I have to hang up! See you tomorrow!"

"Wait, is that the sound of a bunch of angry warthogs?" asked Lois.

"I said SEE YOU TOMORROW!" said Meg before hanging up.

After another long and exhausting chase, Matt and Meg were able to fool the warthogs.

"They're no longer chasing us" said Matt. "Let's rest a bit before we're attacked again by mad wildlife"

"Daddy, where are we?" asked Rosie, a bit frightened.

"Oh, damn!" shouted Matt. "With the chase I lost the path back to the camp!"

"Well, I can find the camp by tracking your smell" said Kyle.

"Really? That would be great!" said Meg.

"The problem is what are we going to do with the wolves" said Kyle.

Everybody looked in horror where Kyle was looking, and they saw a pack of rabid, bloodshot eyed wolves. Well, I guess that you all know what's going next, right? Yup, another chase.

"Let's climb to a tree!" suggested Meg.

"But the squirrels…!" said Sophie.

"Forget about the squirrels, wolves are worse!" said Stewie.

When they began to climb a tree, in a desperate attempt of not being the wolves' dinner, Matt's cell phone ranged.

"Hello?" asked Matt.

"Hi, Matt, this is dad" said Bruce. "I called you to check how Sophie's behaving, or if she's giving you too many troubles"

"Oh, don't worry dad, Sophie's behaving fine!" said Matt, while dodging a bite from a jumping wolf.

"Can I talk with her?" asked Bruce.

"NO!" said Matt. "I mean…no…because….because…because she went with Meg to pick some flowers! You know, Sophie likes to pick flowers"

"Meg took Sophie to pick flowers…late in the evening?" asked Bruce, suspicious.

"Yeah, it's because they went to pick flowers that only bloom at night. They call them vampire flowers" said Matt. "Well, I have to hang up, the kids want me to tell them a ghost story"

"Oh, okay. See you soon. Tell Sophie that I send her kisses" said Bruce before hanging up.

"Sophie, dad just called. He sends kisses to you" said Matt.

"Glad to hear it" said Sophie before dodging another wolf attack.

The wolves finally fell back.

"Alright, we need to get back to the car, FAST" said Matt.

"I know, but we can't cross the forest with those angry animals wandering" said Meg.

"Hey, mom, why don't you call Daphne?" asked Rosie. "Maybe she could come here and take us to the car"

"Good idea!" said Meg as she took her cell phone and ranged Daphne.

"Yes?" asked Daphne's voice from the other line.

"Daphne, it's me, Meg!" said Meg. "You have to help us!"

"Calm down, sweetie" said Daphne. "Tell me, what's going on?"

"We're on the woods with Matt and the children, and all the animals want to kill us!" said Meg.

"What?" said Daphne. "But that's…wait, do you have the spellbook there?"

"Yes" said Meg.

"Meg, I'm afraid that the spellbook may made animals to go mad" said Daphne.

"But how could that be? I kept the book with me all the time! It's impossible that the kids used it without my knowledge!" said Meg, unable to understand the situation.

"Meg, you didn't get it. The spellbook _itself _is driving the animals crazy" said Daphne.

"But how can be that?" asked Meg.

"Meg, when you write a spell on a sheet of paper, it's no longer a normal sheet of paper, but a magical item with its own energy" explained Daphne. "Now imagine the hundreds of pages the spellbook has with lots of spells in each page. You do the math. In fact, that's why you an any non magical human can do magic if he or she has the spellbook."

"Oh, I understand now" said Meg. "Anyway, can you help us?"

"Sorry, honey, but I'm really busy right now" said Daphne.

"Hey, why are you still wearing that robe?" asked Quagmire's voice.

"Don't worry Glen" said Daphne with a seductive tone. "There's _nothing_ under this robe…sorry Meg, but I can't help you right now. You must find a way to get out of there by your own. Good luck!"

"Bad news" said Meg after hanging up. "Daphne can't help us. We must find a way to leave this damn place on our own"

"Hey, I have an idea!" said Stewie. "Let's start a fire!"

"Good idea!" said Sophie. "Animals would ran away from the fire, and we'd have the chance to escape"

"I actually say that because I like to start fires, but it could work" said Stewie.

"So, anybody has a lighter or matches?" asked Matt.

"No, all what I have is a flashlight" said Kyle as he shined the flashlight on the trunk.

"There it is again!" gasped Maya as she began to chase the light around like a cat. "Stop moving, you circular shiny thing!"

"Kyle, stop, please" said Meg. "And if we start a fire, chances of being trapped between the flames are really high"

"And they would sue us for arson" added Matt.

"But what are we going to do?" asked Rosie. "Stay here until the animals hunt us?"

"Calm everybody, we will survive, I can ensure you that, just let me think…" said Matt. "Meg, do you know if there are any teleportation spell in the book?"

"Yes, but it takes time and ingredients that we don't have" said Meg. "We have to think in something else"

"So, we're trapped here and nobody has a clue of what are we going to do" said Stewie. "This is even worse than time the Fatman spoke of himself in third person"

**Flashback**

Early in the morning, Peter enters in the kitchen where Lois is making breakfast.

"Good morning, Peter" said Lois.

"Peter says good morning to you too" said Peter.

"How did you sleep?" asked Lois.

"Peter slept good last night, but Peter would like to sleep more and not to go to work today" said Peter.

"When you come back from work, I need you to come with me to the Mart to buy some things we need" said Lois.

"Peter thinks that- oh, I got tired of speaking like that. Alright, I'll go with you but I want to buy a new remote for the TV" said Peter.

**End Flashback**

Suddenly, they heard some squeaky noises in the distance.

"He, what's that?" asked Kyle.

"I can hear it too!" said Maya. "It's like whatever is making that noise is approaching"

"Yes, I can hear that too now" said Sophie. "It sounds like…"

"GODDAMED BATS!" screamed Rosie.

A swarm of bats attacked the group, forcing them to run again. Seriously, these guys never get tired? Oh, and in that momet, Meg's cell phone ranged again.

"Hello?" asked Meg.

"Hi, Meg, this is Brian" said Brian. "I ranged you because Jillian and I wanted to know how are our ids"

"They're fine!" said Meg. "Brian, we're right busy right now, and I can't talk. Rang me tomorrow morning"

"_If we survive until tomorrow"_ Thought Meg.

"Wait, Jillian wants to talk with you too" said Brian. Meg let out a groan.

"Hi Meg, this is Jillian" said Jillian. "I just wanted to say you that if you're attacked by bats, use light to scare them away"

"How do you know- why are you telling me this?" asked Meg, a bit shocked.

"We just watched a documentary about bats in the Discovery Channel and I wanted to share that with you, maybe it could be useful" said Jillian.

"Trust me, it will" said Meg before hanging up. "Rosie, I need you to use whatever left of your energy to shine!"

"Alright!" said Rosie, before focusing the remaining of her power, and let it go in the form of a flash of lights, scaring the bats away.

"You did it!" said Stewie with joy.

"Yes" said Rosie. "But we're still lost, and I drained all my energy"

"We will never find the camp…" said Sophie saldly.

"Hey, the camp! And the car!" said Matt. "There they are!"

"It seems that, with all the animals chasing us across the woods, we finally ended up in the camp! How deliciously convenient!" said Meg.

"Let's get out of this place!" said Kyle.

Everybody packed their things and left the woods as fast as they could.

The next day, after dropping Sophie and the twins on their respective houses, Matt, Meg, Stewie and Sophie arrived at the Griffin house. Peter and Lois were in the living room watching TV.

"Welcome back, adventurers!" teased Lois, smiling. "How was your trip?"

"Good" said Meg.

"We had fun" said Matt.

"Although nothing interesting happened" said Stewie.

"Additional comment expressing normality" said Rosie.

"Maybe we could do it again…but this time I won't bring the spellbook" said Meg.

"I'm glad that you have so much fun" said Lois.

Everybody stood there.

"That's it?" asked Matt.

"What?" asked Meg.

"It's that…well, I asked if this is the end" said Matt. "Usually, all the chapters end with a joke, but it seems that this time there's no ending joke"

As on clue, Chris, covered in dirt and with his clothes tattered, burst from the ground.

"YES! Freedom!" shouted Chris.

"There you have your ending joke" said Stewie.

**End Chapter**


	32. Big Trouble In Little Quahog

**Chapter ****32: Big Trouble in Little Quahog**

Late in the night, a Chinese ship arrives at the Quahog dock. Some asian guys come out of it and moored it to the dock. A guard then walks to them.

"Excuse me, guys" said the guard. "Do you have permission to moor here?" asked the guard.

"Yes" said one of the asian guys, while looking for something in his pocket. "I you're your permission…JUST HERE!" shouted the asian man as he pulled out…a sheet of paper with something written on it.

"Alright" said the guard, before checking the permission. "I hope you have a nice stay at Quahog, and sorry if I bothered you." Said the guard as he walked away.

"See?" said the other asian man. "I told you that it was much better this way. I already know that we simply could kill him, but we don't want to draw any attention"

"Well, Master Cho Wang is going to be happy. We arrived at the city where both the magic book and the chosen one is" said the first guy.

"Yes, we better get ready for the action" said the other man as they both returned to the boat.

The next morning, the Griffin and Kennedys were enjoying the Saturday morning as usual… watching TV.

"Peter" said Lois. "With such a nice day I think that we could go outside for a walk instead of staying here watching TV"

"Lois, do you know what are you saying?" asked Peter. "If we walk, I can't be here watching TV"

"It's not that the TV is going to flee if we go for a walk" said Lois bitterly.

"Yes, it is" said Peter. "I installed wheels on the TV and know it want to flee every time I look away"

Suddenly, somebody knocked the door. Peter went to open, and there stood Zoe.

"_Konichiwa_, Mr Griffin!" cheered Zoe, happily. "Is Chris here?"

"Sure" said Peter. "Chris, come here! You're Spanish girlfriend is here!"

Zoe raised an eyebrow, confused. In less than a minute, Chris was in the living room.

"Hello, Chris" said Zoe. "Do you want to go for a walk with me?"

"Sure!" said Chris. "I like to do things with you, Zoe. You remember my name"

Zoe laughed at his comment.

"Chris, you're so funny" said Zoe. "That's one of the reasons of why I like you so much"

Chris and Zoe then left the Griffin house.

"They're a cute pair" said Meg, as he saw her brother and Zoe walking away.

"Indeed" said Lois. "They remind of Peter and I when we were young" said Lois.

"Why? Because she's hot but attracted to a childish and obese boy for unknown reasons?" said Stewie dryly, before turning to Rosie. "Ha! Did you saw what I did there? I insulted both Lois and that asian chick for his lack of taste when it comes to men! God, I should be on Comedy Central…"

"I hope that this Zoe girl is the right one for him" said Meg. "Chris doesn't get too many chances with girls, and he usually ends screwing up everything"

"That's when they don't disappear without trace" added Matt. "I remember that he told us that he used to hang out with a vet interim, but disappeared for no reason, remember?"

"Yes, just like Jeff Campbell" said Meg. "I wonder what happened with him…"

"Well, weirder things happened after that" said Brian. "You should stop worrying about that"

"Yup" said Peter. "Sometimes is better not to worry, like that time I was trapped with an angry lion"

**Flashback**

Peter, dressed as a lion tamer, holding a whip, is in a cage with a lion.

"Alright, we go next after the clowns" said Peter. "So I need you to look really angry" said Peter to the lion.

"Do I look angry?" asked the lion.

"No, not too much" said Peter, unimpressed.

"How about now?" said the lion as he showed his teeth.

"A bit better, but not scary enough" said Peter.

"Hey, cut me some slack, I'm new here and I do what I can!" said the lion, annoyed.

"Well, you must learn then that sometimes 'all what I can' isn't enough" said Peter to the lion.

**End Flashback**

Meanwhile, in Quahog Asiantown, inside a hidden underground lair, a female ninja walks to a room. Inside said room were four men: one of them sat in some sort of throne, and the other three kneeling before him. The first man was an ancient Chinese guy, with a pale skin, crazed eyes, wicked smile and typical Chinese moustache, dressed with a green robe decorated with dragons, Chinese kanjis and many other Chinese stuff. The three men bowed before him were wearing large blue and white robes, some pieces of plate armour and very large Chinese coolie hats.

"Master, I'm back" said the aforementioned ninja.

"Do you bring good news, Ying Wi?" asked the master, which happens to be Cho Wang himself.

"Yes" said Wi. "Our spies had tracked both the magic book and the chosen one"

"Excellent" said Cho in a manner that resembled Mr. Burns. "I guess that it's time for my plan to begin"

"Do you want us to take care of this, master?" asked one of the bowed men.

"You're my most powerful warriors, but no. The chapter just started, so let's begin with a bunch of standard ninjas." Said Cho, before dismissing his apprentice. "After all these years, I'll be back again stronger than ever…HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!"

"Seriously, why all the bad guys have to do that?" asked one of the bowed men to their fellows.

"Do what?" replied another.

"The hysterical evil laugh" said the first one. "I mean, it's so cliché…"

"Indeed" said the third one. "But there's nothing you can do about that. It's one of the rules of the universe, like gravity"

**Cutaway**

In the XVII century, we see the famous scene of Isaac Newton resting under an apple tree, when suddenly an apple falls on his head.

"Ouch!" complained Newton as he rubbed his head. Then he looked at the apple. "Hey, this apple fell from this tree…and hit me in the head rather hard…that's because it was very high…so that means that, when a body falls, falls faster if there's placed higher…so that means that there must be a force that makes things to fall to the ground…so…if I'm able to cultivate an apple tree so tall that the apples are so high that when they fall, they will fall so fast and hit so hard whatever is under them to the point that it could kill a human being…or even it could crush a house…if I can do that…it would allow me to RULE THE WORLD!!!HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!" laughed Newton evilly.

**End Cutaway**

Meanwhile, Chris and Zoe where in a café having some milkshakes.

"So, you never met your dad?" asked Chris.

"No. One day my mom found that he was pregnant with me. Then he said it to dad. Then she asked him to marry. Then she never saw him again" said Zoe.

"That's so sad…" said Chris.

"But I'm not going to give up" said Zoe, upbeat. "Mom told me that dad is a weirdo with black hair and a huge chin. With that, I've done some research and I think that I've been able to track him" said Zoe, and she showed him a picture of Stan Smith.

"Well, I hope that you can meet him someday" said Chris sincerely. "Oh, hi Mr. Quagmire!"

"Hi, Chris, hi, hot asian chick who is with Chris for some weird reason!" said Quagmire.

"Who's that guy?" asked Zoe.

"He's Mr. Quagmire, our neighbour" said Chris.

"Seems to be a nice guy" said Zoe. "But I felt a weird sensation when I looked at him"

"It's probably nothing" said Chris. "Do you want to go to the park? We could feed the ducks of the pond"

"Sounds funny" said Zoe cheerful.

"And maybe we could get a bunch of ducks to stay in the same place, and due to the closeness they will merge into a super giant duck!" said Chris, excited.

"I wonder if your funny bone comes from your family" laughed Zoe. "Well, let's go"

Chris and Zoe left the café and made their way to the park. However, suddenly they found themselves walking down a dark alley, despite the sun was shining and there were no clouds.

"Chris, where are we?" asked Zoe. "We should take other way to the park. This place creeps me out"

"Yeah, me too" said Chris as they both abandoned the dark alley, and returned to the sunny streets.

"Maybe something bad could happen to us if we go that way. Some streets are dangerous" said Zoe.

"Yeah" said Chris.

Suddenly, a bunch of ninjas appeared from nowhere, beat the crap out of Chris, and kidnapped Zoe. It happened really quick. So quick that if this was a live action or animated you'll need to see it in slow motion. Because, you know, ninjas are really fast. Well, Chris could only watch in pain how those ninjas fled away with his beloved girlfriend.

"CHRIS!!" screamed Zoe. "HELP ME, PLEASE!!"

"Zoe!" screamed Chris, feeling totally powerless. "Zoe, no! God, we shouldn't leave the dark alley!"

"Oh, no" said one of the ninjas. "There were a bunch of rapist hidden there that would rape both you and your girlfriend"

"He's right" said one of the rapists as he came out of the alley.

"Well, I guess that this was better then" said Chris. "Or it was? Crap, I need to find a way to rescue Zoe, and there's only one person in the world that can help me!"

Minutes later…

"…and that's why I need your help. Will you help me?" asked Chris.

"Boy, it's terrible what happened to your girlfriend, but why the hell can I do for help? I'm a freaking mechanic!" said the guy, who indeed, was a mechanic. The camera zooms out to show that Chris was in an autoshop.

"Then you're liar! You said on that TV commercial that you can fix _anything_!" complained Chris, before walking out of the autoshop. "What I'm going to do now? Well, I guess that maybe Meg and her magic book can provide some help too" said Chris as he made his way home.

However, back on the Griffin house, things weren't going to be as normal as anybody would expect. Let's take a look. In the living room, Matt and Rosie are watching wrestling.

**Cutaway to TV**

On a rerun of Friday Night Smackdown, the Hidden Enigma (aka Jeff Hardy) is in a singles match against the Ultimate Opportunist (aka Edge aka Adam Copeland). Edge is lying on the floor and Jeff on the top rope ready to perform his Swanton Bomb. However, Edge dodges it in the last second, prompting Hardy to crash against the floor. Hardy rises, but Edge delivers and Edge-o-matic, making him to trip again. Edge then tries to suplex him, but Jeff stirs and frees himself from his opponent, and delivers a Twist of Fate, leaving Edge on the floor. Jeff then leaves the ringside and pulls a steel chair stuffed under it, and began to beat the crap out of the Canadian wrestler.

**End Chapter**

"Dad, if using weapons in wrestling goes against the rules, why they keep stuffing chairs, ladders and things like that under the ring?" asked Rosie. "It's like they want the wrestlers to use them on each other!"

"That's for make it more exciting" said Matt. "It's when your mother spreads cream over her –whops! Forget about that!"

"What?" asked Rosie, curious. "What does mom uses cream on? I like cream! Is she baking a pie?"

"I said forget about it!" shouted Matt. "Anyway, go to wash your hand, we will have lunch soon"

"Alright!" said Rosie as she teleported to the upper floor. However, in her way to the bathroom, she heard some laughs coming from her parents' room. Rosie opened the door quietly, and she could hear the laughs better. Rosie saw, astonished, how a bunch of ninjas where reading Meg's diary.

"_Dear diary, this afternoon Matt and I discussed. He says that sometimes I get to emotional when other girls approach him. That's because I feel that, if Matt leaves me, I won't find any other guy that can love me, but maybe I'm driving him away from me if I keep behaving like this. What can I do?_" read one of the ninjas, as the rest of them laughed their asses off.

"My God, I've never laughed that much since…god, I don't even remember laughing this much!" said another ninja, wiping tears from his eyes.

"Yeah, me neither!" said another one. "This girl must be really pathetic…"

"Hey, nobody calls my mom pathetic!" shouted Rosie, a millisecond after realizing of her mistake, because all the ninjas turned at her.

"Catch her!" commanded one of the ninjas.

All the ninjas jumped over Rosie, but she was quicker and teleported back to the lower floor, screaming.

"Rosie, why are you yelling that loud?" asked Meg as she walked to her.

"Mom!" shouted Rosie as she jumped on her arms. "There's a bunch of ninjas in your room, and were reading your diary! They wanted to kill me!"

"What?" asked Meg, a bit confused, until she saw a ninja coming from upstairs.

"There you are!" said the ninja, as he threw them a bunch of shurikens. However, Meg was fast enough to duck and dodge them. The ninja however pulled out a katana and jumped over them. Fortunately for them, Rosie this time didn't froze in panic and used her powers to stop the ninja on mid air. Meg took advantage of the moment and the ninja's confusion, and tackled him to the ground.

"What's all this fuss?" asked Lois as he, Peter, Matt and Brian walked in the living room. "What? Ninjas? Not again!"

"Grandpa, dad, help mom, hurry!" cried Rosie.

The ninja was able to get rid of Meg and stand up again. Suddenly, more ninjas came from upstairs.

"Cho Wang said that he don't want witnesses, so kill them all!" shouted the ninja who seemed to be the chief.

"Not so fast! Flare, come here!" shouted Rosie.

Flare came fast to his owner's call, scaring the ninjas flying near them with its body covered in flames, but it wasn't enough to scare them completely. However, Peter, Lois and Matt took advantage of the moment and charged against the ninjas, pinning them to the ground.

"I have the book!" said another ninja from upstairs. "Forget about those guys, fall back!"

The rest of the ninjas freed themselves from the Griffins and ran away.

"Damn! They stole the spellbook!" said Meg. "Hell, how many times has been stolen?"

At that moment, Chris burst through the front door.

"Mom! Dad! Meg!" shouted Chris. "They kidnapped her!"

"Chris, calm down!" said Lois. "Who was kidnapped?"

"Zoe!" said Chris. "We were attacked by a bunch of ninjas, and they kidnapped her! And I'm not making this up like the two headed octopus who ate my homework!"

"Oh no, this is terrible!" said Peter. "My son finally gets a girlfriend who lasted with him for more than a week, and now she's kidnapped!"

"Meg, where do you have the spellbook?" asked Chris. "I need it, it's an emergency!"

"Chris, we were attacked by ninjas too" said Meg.

"They stole the spellbook" said Matt.

"Hey, do you think that Zoe being kidnapped by ninjas, and the spellbook stolen by ninjas, may be related?" asked Brian.

"Excellent deduction, dog" said a voice from nowehere. Suddenly, the living room was filled with clouds of smoke, and they revealed Duncan.

"Duncan!" said everybody in unison.

"What are you doing here?" asked Lois.

"It isn't obvious? I'm here to help you to find Chris' girlfriend and the spellbook, and to tell who's behind those ninja attacks" explained Duncan.

Suddenly, Stewie walked in, holding Rupert.

"Hi, did I miss something good?" asked Stewie.

Minutes later, the Griffins, Kennedys, and Duncan were in the kitchen where Duncan was talking about their new enemy.

"Some days ago, a Chinese sorcerer named Cho Wang arrived at Quahog" said Duncan. "Cho Wang was a dreadful sorcerer that terrorized China for many centuries ago"

"And what is he doing here in America?" asked Peter.

"Cho Wang ultimate obsession was immortality, and he was able to create a spell that would allow him to prolong his lifespan. However, that spell required a human sacrifice. A woman, to be more precise." explained Duncan. "However, the spell didn't last forever, so he needed to sacrifice women once per fifity or sixty years in order to keep his immortality"

"So that's why he kidnapped Zoe? To kill her?" asked Chris, horrified.

"Wait" said Matt. "Why did he took the trouble to kidnap precisely Zoe? Why he didn't kidnap a woman from China or a closer place?"

"Because the woman to be sacrificed can't be anybody" said Duncan. "In order to start the spell, any woman is okay, but the next victims must be related to said woman. When the spell is near its end, ho has a vision of the next woman he must sacrifice."

"And why did he steal the spellbook too?" asked Meg.

"Because the spell also needs a powerful nexus of magical energy, and the spellbook is once" said Duncan. "Cho's enemies destroyed most of his magic artefacts and spellbooks before expelling him from China, thinking that that way he wouldn't be able to extend his lifespan. However, they didn't take into account that many powerful magic items exists out of Asia."

"But why Zoe?" asked Chris. "Why not her mom, Tricia?"

"The spell is more effective if the victim is young" said Duncan. "Well, I guess that this is all you need to know. We need to stop Cho from killing Zoe and retrieve the spellbook. Do you know where he may be hiding?"

"Sorry, but no" said Meg. "I could use a tracking spell to find Zoe, but I need the book"

"Zoe is going to die…" cried Chris.

"Don't said that!" said Peter. "Nobody screws my son's love relationships but me! Alright, if I were an evil chinese sorcerer with lust for immortality, where I could go?...I know, to buy an ice cream!"

Minutes later, everybody walks out of an ice cream store, eating said ice creams.

"Alright, we have ice creams, so now what?" asked Stewie.

"Well, he's Chinese, so he must be hiding in a place where he feels comfortable, like home, like he never left China at all…" deduced Peter.

"You mean…?" asked Lois.

"Yes! Let's go to the Russian District!" said Peter.

"Dad, I think that we should go to the Asiantown" said Meg.

"The Asiantown? Why would he be hiding there? It sounds stupid!" said Peter.

Minutes later, the Griffins, Kennedys and Duncan arrive at the Quahog's Asiantown.

"Alright, here we are" said Meg. "Where can that chinese wizard be hiding?"

"This place is really big" said Matt, as he looked around, watching all the asian people walking, buying and doing many other things. "It would take a lot of time to find him."

"Rosie, you have the same energy as the spellbook emit, can you track it?" asked Lois.

"I don't know. Let me try" said Rosie as she sat in the lotus position, closed her eyes and concentrated. After a moment or so, she opened her eyes and said: "Yes! I can see it his hideout!"

"Did you have a vision?" asked Lois.

"A vision?" asked Rosie as she turned to her grandma and looked at her as she was crazy. "No, it's just there" said Rosie, pointing to a nearby warehouse. There was a banner placed in front of said warehouse that said 'Cho Wang's evil lair'.

"Wow, this was easier than anybody would expect" said Peter.

"Alright, we need a way to enter" said Lois. "Any ideas?"

"I could teleport inside, but I'm sure that Cho has a way to detect us if I do that" said Duncan.

"Matt, do you have any idea?" asked Meg to her husband, who was too distracted looking closely at the warehouse's front. "Matt!"

"Huh?"

"Are you listening?" said Meg, irritated. "I asked you if you have an idea!"

"Maybe" said Matt. "There's a grille. I guess that I can sneak in through it and then open from the inside.

"Good idea!" said Lois. "Peter, help Matt to reach the grille".

Peter stood behind the grille, and Matt jumped on his shoulders. Peter helped him to reach the grille, and like he said, he sneaked through it. Matt then crawled through a very narrow ventilation conduct, until he spotted another grille. He was about to break it, but he stopped when he saw a bunch of ninjas patrolling under his position. When the ninjas were gone, he was able to get out of the conduct. Once he was on the floor again, he hid behind a column. He was unnoticed by a patrolling ninja who walked near him. Matt then elbowed him hard in the back, knocking him unconscious. Then, he took his clothes and dressed as a ninja, and stuffed the unconscious guy in a box. This way Matt was able to reach to the main door, when,much to his shock, all the Griffins were waiting for him.

"It was about time" said Peter.

"What the hell…?" asked Matt. "How did you enter?"

"The door was opened and unguarded" explained Rosie.

"Then…all the things I've done…crawling over a dirty air conduct, risking my life moving among those armed ninjas…was…?" asked Matt, as his face began to turn red.

"Yeah, totally useless" said Peter

"Okay" said Matt nonchalantly. "Well, let's find Chris' girlfriend before they kill her" said Matt nonchalantly as he took off the ninja outfit and tossed it away.

"Wow" said Lois. "Matt is really good at suppressing his rage"

"That's not healthy" said Brian.

"Oh, don't' worry, Matt has good ways to vent his rage" explained Meg.

**Flashback**

Matt and Meg are alone watching TV.

"Play World of Warcraft!" said the TV announcer. "Because playing WoW is much better than hanging out with your friends!"

"AAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHRRRRRRRRGH!!" shouted Matt as he pulled out a machine gun and vaporized the TV.

**End Flashback**

**(A/N: No offense to anybody who actually likes or plays WoW. I guess that everybody already know that I hate this game because, after its release, all my friends who bought it weren't seen again. Well, I also wasted a year of my life playing this)**

The group then arrived at a storage room, full of boxes, and many ninjas.

"Damn" said Meg. "We can't get past this room with so many ninjas hanging around"

"Duncan, do you know any spell to make us invisible?" asked Brian.

"I know an even better way of getting rid of those ninjas" said Duncan. "Michelle will take care of them"

"Who's Michelle? A witch? A girlfriend of yours?" asked Peter slyly.

"Hell no!" said Duncan. "You'll see it soon"

"I'll call Flare for help" said Rosie

Meanwhile, in another part of Cho's lair, Cho is studying the book, with an unconscious Zoe lying on a bed. Suddenly, a ninja burst in his room. The ninja was gasping for air, and had a shocking look in his face.

.

"My Lord, we have a problem!" said the ninja.

"I hope it's important!" said Cho.

"It is!" replied the ninja. "Jonnhy read on an internet forum that Uwe Boll is going to do another movie based on a video game!"

"Crap!" said Cho. "Don't worry, I will take care of him when I'm done with the immortality spell."

"Oh, and one more thing" said the ninja. "A giant snake is slaughtering our troops!"

"A giant snake?" asked Cho. "Well, that means that we have intruders. Rain, Thunder, Wind, come here!"

The three men from earlier who wore Chinese coolie hats appeared before him in a cloud of smoke.

"Did you call us, master?" asked Rain.

"Yes" said Cho. "It seems that we have some intruders. Get rid of them in a very painful yet spectacular way"

"Yes, master!" said the three elite warriors in unison before disappearing again.

"Ying Wi!" shouted Cho, and a female ninja walked in the room.

"Yes, my lord?" asked Ying.

"Time has come" said Cho. "I'm going to start the ritual right now, but we have some intruders. I send my most reliable warriors to take care of them, but in the odd case they're defeated, I need you to protect me"

"Don't worry, master, I won't fail" said Ying. "However, this may not be the best moment, butI must remind you that you still owe me three weeks of vacation and…"

"Yes, yes!" shouted Cho. "Stop bugging me with that! You'll have your vacation when we're done with the ritual!"

Ying Wi then carried Zoe's body and followed his master to another room.

Meanwhile, back to the storage room, the huge cobra is wreaking havoc among the ninjas, while the family were fighting against the rest of Cho's mooks as they could. Lois was kicking the butt of many of them, but the rest weren't that good in matial arts. However, Rosie's magic powers and Flare were also a great help.

"Good job, Michelle" said Duncan as he petted his oversized mascot.

"You too, Flare" said Rosie.

"Alright, we need to find Zoe, and fast!" urged Chris.

"We will take care of the remaining ninjas" said Lois. "Meg, Matt, go with Chris and help him to find Zoe before it's too late!"

"You don't have to tell us twice!" said Matt as he, Meg and Chris made their way out of the storage room. However, Rain, Thunder and Wind appeared in a cloud of smoke, blocking their way.

"Do you want to leave now that we just arrived?" mocked Thunder at them. "Now, Wind, show this nuisances what happens when you mess with the master!"

Wind then raised his hands and created a cyclone that sent Meg, Matt and Chris flying.

"Damn, this aren't normal ninjas!" said Meg. "These guys are powerful!"

"Thanks, captain obvious!" said Peter.

"Don't worry, they won't have a chance against me! Michelle, get them!" said Duncan.

Michelle hissed and charged towards the three ninjas, with her mouth opened, showing her large fangs. The elite ninjas jumped in the nick of time, and Michelle crashed against a stack of boxes. However, Michelle was far from defeated, and raised again, pryecting an ominous shadow over her opponents.

"Leave that things to me!" said Thunder as he cast an array of lightning bolts at the cobra. Michelle hissed in pain. However, Thunder'sattack was stopped when Duncan cast a Dark Nova on him.

"Stop harming my pet!" said Duncan. "It's animal cruelty!"

"Well, you attacked _me_, thus it would be human cruelty, which is much worse!" said Thunder.

"Why it has to be worse?" asked rain. "It's not that animals don't have feelings!" pointed out Rain.

"Wait animalshave feelings?" asked Peter in shock. "I thought they were made of plastic!"

"In fact, it's that kind of attitude which has made mankind to become arrogant and abuse of the planet, mass cutting down entire forests, polluting the air and water and driving some animal species to its extinction" said Brian.

"But that snake was trying to kill me! It was self defense!" whined Thunder.

"This is our chance!" said Meg as she, her husband and her brother sneaked away. Hiwever, they were seen by Wind.

"Hey, they are trying to escape while we're here arguing about animal cruelty!" said Wind.

"I'll stop them!" said Rain as he teleported in front of them. "Now you'll feel my dreadful power!"

Rain raised his arms, creating ominous black clouds over them. A thunder clapped, and the clouds began to pour heavy rain over them.

"That's all?" asked Matt. "A little rain? That's all you can do?"

"Uhhh…shut up!" said Rain, offended. "My rain is powerful!...it will make you…to…to…it will make you to catch a cold! What do you have to say about that!?"

"Well, it's still pretty lame" said Chris.

"Come on, we have a girl to save and an evil Chinese sorcerer to stop!" said Matt as he and both Meg kicked Rain in the chest, sending him several meters back. "Nice kick" complimented Matt.

"Thanks" said Meg. "Mom taught me. You kick really well too"

"Of course. Shawn Michales taught me a couple of moves" said Matt proudly.

"Who?" asked Meg

"Nevermind. You need to watch more wrestling. Come on Chris!" said Matt while they exited the storage room.

"Wait, now that it comes to my mind" said Brian. "If this guy is chinese, why is he using ninjas? Ninjas are from Japan"

"Maybe, but ninjas are cooler" said Wind.

"Well, he could also hire kung fu monks, who are from china and they're cool too" said Lois.

"However, ninjas are still cooler" said Thunder. "We have cool clothes, weapons, and magic powers in some media"

"Well, that Rain guy was a bit pathetic" said Peter.

"SHUT UP!" shouted Rain as he made his clouds to rain over Peter. However, Peter, wet but unharmed, stood there staring at him.

Meanwhile, Matt, Meg and Chris were running frenetically through the lair, until they arrived at the ritual room. Said room was decorated with Chinese banners with kanjis impossible to understand, Chinese lanterns, Chinese dragons and Chinese stuff. Zoe was in an altar, unconscious, while Cho was holding the spellbook, chanting a spell, and his henchwoman ninja looking.

"Zoe!" cried Chris.

"You're too late, fat kid!" said Co. "The spell is almost complete! There's nothing you can do to prevent your girl's fate!"

"You're wrong!" said Chris in a defiant tone. "And I'm not fat, I'm big boned!"

"Soon you won't have any bones!" said Cho. "Ying Wi, kill them!"

"Yes!" said Wi as he pulled out a katana.

"No, wait" said Cho. "That's no good"

"What?"

"The one liner" said Cho. "It didn't have any sense. Let me think a better one"

"Alright" said Ying as she put her blade back in her scabbard.

"Oh, I know it!" said Cho with Joy. "Soon my dogs will feed with your Bones! How about that?"

"It was better, although you don't have any dog" said Ying.

"Alright, I'll buy a dog and feed him with that kid's bones so the pun has sense. Well, I have to kill Uwe Boll before. God, that's why I want to be immortal, there are so many things to do…well, enough chitchat, Ying Wi, Kill them!" commanded Cho.

"Alright, let's go" said Ying, a bit unmotivated as he pulled out again her blade. "You know what? I quit!"

"WHAT!?" exclaimed Cho in shock.

"You hear me. I quit. I know that you aren't going to give me the vacation weeks you owe me, and besides, this kid, although fat and bloated, has a spark in his eyes that will give him the determination to defeat us and save his girl, so farewell!" said Wi as she disappeared in a cloud of smoke.

"Abandoned by one of my best ninjas in the middle of a climatic momet" said Cho. "This sucks more than that Revenge of the Sith version rewritten by RPG players"

**Cutaway**

Cut to the ending of the duel between Anakin and Obi Wan.

"It's over Anakin!" yelled Obi Wan. "I have the high ground! And it gives me +15 strength, +11 agility and +6% chance of critical hit!"

"You underestimate the power of my epic gear" Anakin sneered. "I have a total of 36% chances of critical hit and +200 bonus damage in melee combat!"

"Don't try it," warned Obi Wan.

Anakin jumps over Obi Wan, but his mentor sliced his arm and both of his legs. He then picked up his lightsaber.

_Obi Wan looted_ [Anakin's Lightsaber]

**End Cutaway**

"Anyway" said Cho. "I guess that I have to get rid of your first before completing the ritual."

Cho then cast a green lighting at Matt, Meg and Chris, but they were able to dodge it. Matt then rushed towards Cho, leaped and tried to dropkick him, but Cho banished just before Matt's feet touched him. Matt then crashed against a wall.

"Matt, are you okay?" asked Meg, worried, as he rushed to check him.

"No, he isn't, he just got his whole body flattened against a wall" said Cho. "But don't worry, you will follow his very same fate!" said Cho before using his telekinesis to hurl Meg very hard against the wall, knocking her unconscious.

"Meg!" shouted Chris.

"Alright, fat kid, now it's only you and me" said Cho in a very menacing way, smiling in a wicked way.

"I won' let you to harm Zoe!" said Chris, valiantly but fearful.

"And what are you going to do about it, lardo?" asked Cho.

"Uhm…uhhhh…look! There are two agents from the Department of Immigration just behind your back!"

"What? No, not again!" said Cho as he turned back. "Hey, you lied to me!"

However, when Cho turned back at Chris, he was holding the spellbook, much to his dismay. Chris then cast a spell, and his clothes changed: he was wearing a cool looking samurai armour, with a katana hanging from his belt.

"Now, get your ass ready to be kicked!" menaced Chris as he pulled out his katana.

"Samurai gear or not, you, like your petty girlfriend, will die!" said Cho.

Cho cast an array of green lightnings at Chris, but he used his sword to deflect the, Star Wars style. Chris then charged towards him and tried to slice him in half, but Cho dodged it, showing an agility uncharacteristic from a guy who is older than 500. Cho then summoned over Chgris' head several long needles like those used in acupuncture and threw them over him. Chris jumped back, avoiding most of the needles. While Cho was recovering, he charged again and tried to impale him, but Cho dodged it again. This time, Cho showed that he wasn't only skilful in magic by beating Chris to death with many kung fu moves. While protecting from said hits, Chris was able to made a small cut on Cho's arm.

"You son of a bitch!" shouted Cho as he touched the cut.

"My mother may be a bitch but…but…well, I have nothing" said Chris. "Anyway, now you're going to let Zoe go or else…!

"Or else what?" mocked Cho.

"Or else we will help him to deport you back to China!" said Peter as he and the rest of the family (plus Duncan) entered in the room.

"What?" said Cho, shocked. "You defeated my trio of elite ninjas? That can't be possible!"

"Well, technically, we didn't defeated them" said Brian. "We left them discussing if this country should rely more on diplomacy or military power when dealing with difficult countries like Iran or North Korea"

"Well, except rain" said Rosie. "He thought that he could beat Flare because water hurts him, but he show how wrong he was"

"Anyway, you lost, Chinese scum!" said Lois. "Free my son's girlfriend!"

"Yeah, you come here and tarnish the good name of the immigrants kidnapping young girls like a paedophile" said Peter. "Because in America we don't tolerate that behaviour! And this is not just America, but the GOOD America!"

(No offense to Central or Latin Americans)

"Well, I guess that you won" said Cho, resentful. "But this won't end here. I'll come back and you'll regret of the day you dared to oppose my power and…"

But his speech was cut by Michelle, who, despite being a 10 meter(30 foot) long snake, was able to stealthily crawl behind him, and ate him in one go.

"Oh my god!" said Brian in horror.

"Well, Michelle always loved Chinese food" said Duncan, and everybody burst in laughs.

Hours later, everybody is at the Griffin house, where they told Zoe what happened to her and the truth about the spellbook.

"Thanks everybody for saving me" said Zoe. "Specially you, Chris. You're the best boyfriend ever" said Zoe, as she kissed him in his lis.

"Thanks for your help, Mr, Duncan" said Lois.

"It was my job" said Duncan. "Well, gotta go, otherwise Crystal will get worried. Farewell!" said Duncan as he left the Griffin house.

"We should go to have dinner out to celebrate that we rescued Zoe" said Matt.

"How about a Chinese restaurant?" asked Peter, and everybody glared at him. "Just kidding!"

**End Chapter**

**Thanks everybody who read and review, despite it takes me a lot of time to upload a chapter. Thanks for all the support, it means a lot for me.**


	33. Announcement

**Announcement**

**Well, since writing chapters is becoming really hard to me lately, I think that time has come to write a fanmail chapter. ****You can ask questions to any character you want (myself included). You can send the questions via review or PM. Also, try to ask as many questions as you can imagine, I want this chapter to be long.**

**Well, that's all. I'll be waiting for your questions!**


	34. Letters From Our Fans

**Chapter 33: Letters from our Fans**

Inside the Griffin household, all The Spellbook cast is on the living room, the titular book on Meg's lap.

"Well, just like Ander said, today we will answer some of the fans' questions" said Meg.

"Too bad that there aren't any letters" said Brian.

"Well, I hope you didn't expect a story focused on Meg and not me to actually have fans" teased Stewie.

"Oh, shut up!" said Rosie. "There ARE plenty of letters. However, we gather those letters using the witch mail"

"Witch mail?" asked Matt. "I think it would be better if they send the questions via email, like everybody else in the world"

"Oh" said Lois. "And how does that mail work?"

"This way" said Meg as she opened the book on a random page, and hundreds of letters began to jump from it. Soon they were swamped with letters.

"Yes, I still think that emails are better" said Matt bitterly.

"Well, let's start" said Meg as she grabbed a letter. "It's from FreezeXtreme"

**Ander: Why did you decided to start writing fan fictions in english?**

Well, because most of the Family Guy stories and readers are Americans, and FG fanfiction isn't very popular in Spain, so that's why I decided to take the challenge. Besides, is a good way to improve my English.

**Rosie: What was your first impression of Stewie did you not like him? Why did you try to take Rupert away from him?  
**

"My first impression of Stewie was a good one" said Rosie. "He seemed to be an intelligent and funny person. Another thing that I liked from him was his really weird way to speak"

"I don't speak weird!" complained Stewie. "Take that back right now, you filthy small whore, or I'll tear your had off and use your lifeless body to feed the hounds!"

"See? That's what I mean" said Rosie. "As for Rupert, well, I also liked him too. He's a very cute teddy bear, and I'm sure that any kid would want it. However, when I realized how important Rupert was for Stewie, I immediately gave him back"

"Oh, you have no idea of the obsession Stewie has with that toy" said Brian. "I remember the time we have to go to Colorado to retrieve it, after I sold it by mistake"

"Wait, did you just say that Stewie and you went to Colorado alone?" asked Lois.

"No!" said Brian nervously. "You imagined it!"

"But I'll swear-"

"Next question!" said Brian.

**Matt: ...What's with your lack of appearance?**

"Well, my screentime isn't as little as many people say" said Matt. "Of course, you must feel that I barely appear in this story compared with other OC's screentime"

**Peter: Why do you pick on Meg so much?... not that I don't like it its awesome.**

"Because I'm a terrible father" said Peter in a monotone voice. "I'm just a fat moron that is unable of appreciate how awesome, smart, funny and beautiful my daughter is, but from now onward, I'll treat her with all the love and respect she deserves"

Everybody then stared at Peter in shock.

"Meg!" said Lois angrily. "I think I forbad you to place mind control enchantments on your father!"

"Oh, come on!" said Meg disdainfully. "Is much better now….okay, I'll undo the spell" said Meg as she snapped her fingers, and Peter went back to normal.

"Uh? What happened?" asked Peter. "Did I fell asleep? I must, because I have a terrible nightmare…"

**Lois: Why are you so hot?**

"Thanks!" said Lois, blushing "I think it may be the Pewterschmidt genes" said Lois.

"Sure, did you see her mom?" asked Peter. "I hope that Lois remains that hot when she reaches her age"

"Peter!" shouted Lois.

"Errr, let's move to another letter" said Matt as he grabbed a letter from the stack. "This is from Material"

**~MATT~**

**1. How do you feel being in the Griffin Family?  
**

"Good, although sometimes I miss dad and Sophie" said Matt. "It's also a bit weird, since I've never lived with so many people together. Sometimes the life together isn't easy, but i try to get used to it"

**  
2. Do you enjoy playing video games? If so, what games?  
**

"Of course I do" said Matt. "And my favourite genres would be first and third person shooters like Metal Gear Solid or Call of Duty, and survival horrors, like Silent Hill and Resident Evil"

"Oh, Matt, did you know that Nintendo has bought the Resident Evil Franchise?" asked Chris. "They are going to make a new game for the wii"

"Really, what kind of game?" asked Matt

**Cutaway**

Nintendo and Capcom present: Resident Evil Kart!

We see the ravaged streets of Raccoon City, filled with zombies and other kind of mutant stuff…and all the protagonists from all the games running through the roads with karts.

"Get out of my way, loser!" said Jill Valantine as she overtook Leon in a very maneuver.

"Learn to drive, you bitch!" shouted Leon. "I wonder why the hell woman are allowed to draw"

"STARS!" roared Nemesis from behind.

"Be careful…" said Wesker. "Nemesis has…an invincible star!"

"STAAAAAAAAAARS!" roared Nemesis, with the invincible star effect on him, trampling the other drivers.

"Like he wasn't invincible before…" sighed Claire.

**End Cutaway**

**  
3. What really ** you off? Besides WoW I mean.**

"Unrealistic romantic flicks" said Matt. "By unrealistic, I mean to be set in a bizarre world in which Julia Roberts or Sandra Bullock are unable to get a date, or a movie in which Hilary Duff is considered homely. Seriously, who the hell is going to buy that?"

"Yeah, it happens to me too" said Meg. "I don't know why everybody says that I look like a boy!"

"Meg, that's not true…"aid Lois.

"No, Lois, is true" said Peter. "He looks like a boy. Like a really ugly boy. You know, I wanted to have a boy for my first kid, but instead of a boy I have a boy looking girl"

Meg then stared at Lois.

"Forget what I said about mind control" sighed Lois in disgust.

"Oh, I almost forgot to mention" said Matt. "I also hate movies starred by monkeys. They are so stupid, even for little kids"

"I don't like monkeys either" said Chris.

**4. What do you think of Zack Murdock and Matthew Ryder? And be honest, don't just voice the opinion from your creator.**

"Let me tell you first that the thought of Meg being with another guy, even if it's from another universe, infuriates me a lot" said Matt. "But, well, Zack seems to be a cool guy, takes care of Meg really good, and Meg seems to love him. As for my namesake, I don't hold the same respect for him as I do for Zack, mostly because sometimes he treats Meg pretty badly. But Meg seems to be good with him, so I don't have any bad thing to say"

**~ROSIE~**

**1. Okay, this question is going to be inevitable, so I might as well ask it. What do you think of Maddie Murdock and Jaina Ryder?**

"Maddie is pretty cool" said Rosie. "Like the older sister I never had. And she has a lot of imagination. However, there are parts of her that scares me, like her love for guns. As for Jaina, she is also cool as well, although she seems to be sexually very confused"

**2. What's your favorite power? What power do you hate using?**

"My favourite power is teleport" said Rosie. "I can go anywhere with it, instead of the rest of people who have to walk"

"Rosie, you shouldn't rely on magic so much" said Matt. "What are you going to do if you lose your powers?"

"Lose my powers? That's never going to happen!" laughed Rosie. However, she noticed that the others were whistling and looking away. "…right?"

But she didn't got any answer.

"And a power that I hate using…seriously, what's wrong with that question? There's no spell I hate to use! Magic is cool in every way!" said Rosie, cheered.

"I don't think so" said Meg. "Remember when you wanted to help your father to fix a light bulb?"

**Flashback**

Rosie walks to Matt, who is in the kitchen, on the top of a ladder, fixing the roof lamp.

"Daddy, do you want to play with me?" asked Rosie.

"Sorry, sweetie, but daddy is busy right now" said Matt. "Lois asked me to fix this lamp"

"Oh, don't worry about that, I'll fix it right now!" said Rosie as she cast a lightning on the lamp, which exploded, set the kitchen on fire and tossed Matt from the ladder.

"I think that I'll play with mom instead" said Rosie as she quickly banished.

**End Flashback**

"Hey, I heard that lamps work with electricity!" said Rosie.

**~BRUCE~**

**1. You were never described! What do you look like? I keep picturing Buzz Killington whenever you appear.**

"Read again chapter 11 'Blondes in my night'. There's a description of how I look like" said Bruce. "Wait, when was the last time I appeared in this story?"

**~SOPHIE~**

**1. What do you see in Stewie? Seriously, I can't wrap my head around any Stewie/OC pairings... no matter how cute they are.  
**

"Stewie is funny, witty, intelligent, and have lots of cool toys!" said Sophie. "I always have fun when I'm with him, and he is also a very good friend. Right, Stewie?"

"Leave me alone!" said Stewie before pushing Sophie.

"He must have a bad day…" wondered Sophie.

**  
~MEG~**

**1. When are you going to use the Spellbook again? ****It seems that it just keeps getting stolen.**

"You're not the first one who asked that" said Meg. "And yeah, it's about time that I use the book, since it's mine after all. Now I can't think when I'm going to use it, but I'm sure that a chance will pop up at any moment"

"Let's move to another letter" said Rosie. "This is from Depthmon"

**For Rosie: Ill give ****you 5 bucks for the phoenix.....deal or no deal?**

"Hell no!" said Rosie. "I'll never sell my beloved Flare, and, if I will, he's worth more than five bucks!"

"Here's another letter" said Peter. "From Nellabelle"

**Stewie: How does it feel to have two nieces and one nephew that are around the same age as you? And, how old are you? I lost track.**

"Uhhh…I only have one niece, Rosie. If by 'two nieces and a nephew' you were referring to Kyle and Maya, they aren't related to me" said Stewie. "Oh, and I'm one"

"Still?" asked everybody in unison.

"YES!" said Stewie, angered. "Let's go to another letter."

"This is from Malcolm Fox" said Peter. "That guy that hates me so much. Well, I hate him too!"

"After season 7, is there anybody who _doesn't_ hate you?" asked Brian.

"Touché" said Peter.

**1. Is Olivia really dead in this universe?  
**

Yes. You could see her ghost on chapter 9 'Resentful Evil'. But who knows, maybe she'll find a way to come back from the dead…

**  
2. Will Eliza Pinchley make an appearance and have a rivalry with Rosie?**

I don't know, but if Eliza will appear in this story, either as a one chapter character or as a recurring character, she wouldn't have a rivalry with Rosie, for three reasons:

1- As I said many times, I already copied you too much. Although even if you haven't done this yet, I wouldn't do it either.

2- Rosie has powers, Eliza has not. It would be a pretty unfair rivalry for the latter, don't you think so?

3- I don't know why Eliza would be Rosie's rival, aside for her wanting to kill Lois.

**For Rosie:**

**3. If you had a chance to hang out with Maddie and her friends for a day, would you?**

"Of course I would!" said Rosie, excited. "Too bad that mom says that tearing down the wall between dimensions just for my liter is wrong. Although I have fun with Stewie, I'd like to hang out with other girls too"

"How about Sophie and Maya?" asked Meg.

"They don't live here, and I can't force them to come here every time I want" said Rosie. "Or I can?"

"No, you can't!" said Meg.

"Buzz killer…" muttered Rosie.

"Let's go with another letter" said Matt. "This is from BlueDragonFic's brother"

**Ander:Why do you and Malcolm hate Bhaalspawn so much and don't say cause the incest in the story we want to know all other reasons why.**

1- I don't hate Bhaalsàwn, neither does Malcolm Fox. Seriously, everybody knows that I don't like Whispering Illusion, and that my relationship with Bhaal isn't very good, but why people says that Malcolm hates him?

2- I don't think this is the place to talk about that. You can go t the forums if you want an answer.

**Rosie:If you ever get into a showdown between Jaina or Matthew Ryder do you think that you'll stand a chance in beating either of the two and use your own opinion not your creator.  
**

"No. When it comes to raw power, I'm pretty below their level" said Rosie. "But why I would fight them?"

**  
Bri****an:How do feel now that your a dad and do you still have feelings for Lois?**

"It's a wonderful experience" said Brian. "Taking care of not one but two kids is most of the times hard and exhausting, thus I don't have so many freedom I had before, but it's really rewarding. In the past, I was afraid of being far away from the Griffins, but now I know that I can have my own family. As for my feelings for Lois, I finally got over them. I had to, otherwise I couldn't success in my love life"

**Meg:What are your favorite spells in the book and what are not your favorites.**

"There are too many useful and cool spells to actually choose a favourite" said Meg. "But my favourite would be the Curse of Bad Luck. It's so refreshing to see other people more miserable than you…"

Everybody looked at Meg, worried.

**Peter:how do feel now that Meg not only has a powerful relic that she can use to rule the world at any time but also that she's also much more popular than you in the FF community.**

"It's out righteous!" said Peter. "Meg got magic powers, Lois' dad got magic powers, why cool people like ME doesn't get magic powers?"

"Come on like you haven't use the spellbook several times for your absurd purposes…" said Meg as she rolled her eyes.

"I don't get why Meg is more popular than me. I can understand Stewie or Brian, but MEG? Come on!" complained Peter. "The show is called Family Guy, thus it should be about ME!"

**Stewie:do you think that the show will ever stop using gay jokes about you and make you back to the evil genuis that you ones were?**

"Of course not. Seth seems to love everything with the word gay on it" said Stewie. "However, you have great stories here from authors like Ander, Malcolm or Bhaalspawn that highly reduce or remove completely said jokes, and sometimes even show me in my former glory. You know, I miss to be an evil genius, you get to invent funny stuff, like rayguns, tanks, bombs, torture devices…"

"Man, you're sick" said Rosie in disgust. "I can believe that Sophie refers those as 'cool toys'"

**Everyone:what do all of you think was the best Family Guy episode in the show's history.**

"Mine is Mr. Griffin Goes to Washington" said Peter. "I got to be freaking president of an important company!"

"Peter, they made you president because you're easy to manipulate" said Lois. "Those bastard only wanted kids to smoke"

"Oh, come on Lois, you're so naïve…" said Peter. "Well, now I'm going to clean Joe's house. Can you believe that cleaning Joe's house make men to lose weight? Joe told me that's why he's so in shape"

"Point proven" said Lois. "Anyway, mine is Lethal Weapons. It feels so good to kick asses!"

"I liked a Fish Out of Water" said Meg. "Spring Break with mom wasn't as bad as I thought."

"My favourite is The Former Life of Brian" said Chris. "That evil monkey got what he deserved!"

"I like the two parter The Thin White Line/Brian Does Hollywood" said Brian, remembering said episodes. "Those were good times before my transformation in McFarlane's soapbox and an annoying Mary Sue"

"My favourite is also a two parter" said Stewie. "Guess which. I'll give you two hints: I killed that bitch and finally ruled the world!"

"You didn't do said things" said Brian. "It was just a simulation"

"Shut up!" said Stewie, angered. "Let's move to another letter"

"Hey, a letter from Loessar" said Brian as he opened the letter.

**Meg: You are hot. You have used the spellbook to be a better swimmer and that is your natural talent. You can also do bird calls and play the drums. Will you use any spells for them? **

"If those are my natural talents, why I should use spell on them?" asked Meg. "Oh, and thanks for thinking that I'm hot"

**  
I loved it when you tricked Peter when he dranked his beer with the truth serum in it. You got the last laugh. Good for you. Will you still get even ****with Peter if he acts up again?**

"Sure, but I don't think that dad will mess up with me again now that he knows that now I'll retaliate" said Meg.

**  
Matt: Meg and her family were superheroes and had superpowers. If you had a superpower, what would it be? **

"I think it would be nice to manipulate wind" said Matt. "Tornadoes are cool. Well, when you see them on TV and not in first person"

**  
Brian: Congrat****ulations now that you are a father. But if it is possible, would you fall in love with a female talking dog?  
**

"Thanks" said Brian. "Now, answering the first question, the answer is obviously no. I recently had kids with Jillian, and I love her, so I don't think that that's going to happen"

**Are you proud or ashamed of being a dog?**

"Of course I'm proud" said Brian. "People must feel proud about what are they. Can you imagine, for example, a black guy ashamed of being black? Well, I would be ashamed if I was black…"

Everybody then gasped in shock.

"Sorry, sorry!" said Brian quickly. "It was my father talking!"

**Have you thought of having non-human friends like other dogs and other animals? Jasper and the new Brian were the only dogs you talked to and I thought it would be great see you have other friends that are non-human both male and female. **

"No" said Brian. "The reason of this is because their intellects are far away below mine, and I feel really uncomfortable with animals. I prefer to befriend humans because they're intelligent and I can talk with them about important topics."

"So, that's why you befriended grandpa" said Rosie.

"Hey, everybody, look at me" said Peter. "I can stick a blowlamp in my nose- AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!! LOIS, CALL THE HOSPITAL!! " screamed Peter, holding in pain his charred face.

"Alright" said Rosie. ""But THAT's why you became Jillian's boyfriend, right?"

Everybody san Rosie began to snicker rather loudly.

"GO TO HELL!" shouted Brian as he left the room. "IT'S MY LIFE!"

**  
Kyle: Are you planning to be like Brian when you are older? Dating human women for example? **

"I don't see why not" said Kyle. "I mean, a lot of odd things happened in this universe before, and a dog dating a woman isn't among the weirdest"

**  
Are you surprised that you have a human for a sister? **

"Kinda" said Kyle. "Is a bit of a shock to know that you share your DNA with another species, but what surprises me more is the difference between our intellects"

"Oh, come on, Maya isn't that dumb" said Lois.

"Do you really think that?" asked Kyle.

**Flashback**

Kyle and Maya are in their room. Kyle is reading a Marvel comic while Maya is trying on clothes.

"Mom said we can choose where are we going to go for vacation this summer" said Maya. "It isn't great?"

"Yup" said Kyle. "I'd like to go to Los Angeles"

"Los Anegeles is too far" said Maya. "I know, let's go to the Moon! There isn't too many people who go there, thus hotels will be empty!"

"Sis, did you hear you?" asked Kyle. "We can go to the Moon? Also, you don't want to go to LA because is far and you want to go there?"

"The Moon is closer than LA" said Maya.

"You cant be serious" said Kyle as he closed his comic.

"Oh really?" said Maya. ""Look at the sky. Do you see the moon?"

"Yes, but…"

"Can you see LA from here?" asked Maya. "No, you can't. So the moon is closer"

Kyle groaned and placed his paw on his forehead.

**End Flashback**

**  
Now that Brian is with your mother, are you ready to have adventures with Stewie**?

"Hell no! That guy is freaking nuts!" said Kyle in disgust. "Who the hell would want to be near him?"

"I will" said Sophie sweetly.

"Weird" said Kyle.

"Here we have another letter from Lance and Kitty Forever" said Lois as she opened the letter.

**Meg:are you happy to have given birth to Rosie.**

"Of course I am" said Meg. "Being a mother is such a wonderful experience. Sure now I have much less free time and much more responsibilities, but it's worth of it"

**Roise:who would you rather hang out with maddie, jaina or both of them.**

"I'd prefer Maddie" said Rosie. "I find her more funny than Jaina, and she doesn't have that bizarre crush on Stewie. Besides, Maddie don't have magic powers so she won't eclipse me, hehe"

"And here is our last letter from aldovas" said Meg.

**My favo****urite character is Sophie, why do you make her a break since Rosie born?**

Well, because I wanted to focus more on Rosie, and since Rosie lived in the same house as Stewie, was easier for me to use her instead of Sophie. But don't worry, I won't give her such a long break again.

...

That was all. I hope that you enjoyed this special chapter as I did answering to your letters. Fortunately, the next chapter will be a real one and not a lame excuse to not to write.

**End of Fanmail**


	35. Magical Mayhem

**Chapter ****34: Magical Mayhem**

**Author's Note: So, after this long, long hiatus, I'm back on business. Fortunately, you won't have to wait two months for an update from now onwards, if my inspiration doesn't take more vactions. Since I received several messages complaining about how this story deralied in its most recent chapters, I wrote this in an attempt to go back to the roots. So, in this episode the spellbook doesn't get stolen by any villain, it focuses mainly on Meg, and the plot (I think) is good. Well, I hope that you can enjoy this chapter.**

**Credit goes to the "Road to Multiverse" preview clip. That image of Meg was really inspiring.  
**

On a Sunday midday, the Griffins and Kennedys were in the kitchen having a lunch, talking about their issues.

"So, Peter, how are you doing at the Brewery?" asked Lois, striking up a conversation. "Would you apply for a promotion?"

"Why I should?" replied Peter. "A promotion would mean more work, and I'm already very busy with my actual amount of work"

"Really?" asked Brian. "Like what?"

"Watch videos on youtube, find porn, sneak to the general store and steal some beer, download movies, download porn, chat with my online friends, and pretend that I'm working when Angela shows up" explained Peter, trying to make the impression that those were really important and though tasks.

"Wow, you really put your heart and soul on your job. I can't believe that you haven't asked for a sick leave" said Brian sarcastically.

"You think I should?" asked Peter. "Yeah. There are so many things I could do if I didn't have to work…that would be freaking sweet!"

**Cutaway**

We see Peter flying on a hang glider.

"What?" asked Peter to the camera, visibly offended. "Did you expect me to see me sat on the couch watching TV and drinking beer? I'm more than that!"

Suddenly, Peter's glide is hit by a lightning.

"Oh, God, you don't get this crap if you are in your house watching TV!" said Peter as he fell down with his burning glide.

**End Cutaway**

"I wish I could get a promotion on my job" said Meg. "But since we're only two, that's never going to happen"

"Well, we're also two at the mini mart and I've been promoted several times!" said Chris. "You suck, Meg!"

"Shut up, lardo!" shouted Meg, angered.

Suddenly, Chris' hat was set on fire.

"AAAAAAAHHHHHH!" shouted Chris. "My head burns!"

Rosie then cast a spell, and put off the flames of Chris' hat.

"Rosie!" shouted Matt. "What did we told you about using your powers to harm others? Even if they do deserve it?"

"It wasn't me!" replied Rosie. "I'm not lying!"

"So, what happened then, Chris' hat set on fire by itself?" asked Meg sarcastically.

"Why not?" replied Rosie. "We saw weirder things before"

"Please, let's forget this incident" said Lois. "And let's have some peace while we're eating, too. I want us to talk as a family, not to argue"

"You said that because you can't get a promotion on your job neither" teased Peter.

"Peter, I'm the owner of my workplace, there's nobody above me. Of course I can't get a promotion" said Lois.

"Like mother, like daughter" laughed Peter. "They fail at their jobs, yet they still try. When women are going to understand that their place is the kitchen?"

"Peter, I-" was about to say Lois, but she was interrupted by Brian.

"Lois, let it stay" said Brian. "We all know that trying to strike sense on Peter won't take us anywhere"

"Mom, can you pass me the salt?" asked Meg.

"Sure thing, sweetie" said Lois. But before her hand could reach the salt, it moved towards Meg.

"Thanks, Rosie" said Meg.

"It wasn't me either" said Rosie. "Why when something wrong or weird happens, everybody look at me?"

"Maybe because you're the only one to look at" said Stewie. "They'll probably look at Meg like always do, but since she doesn't have magic powers…"

"Hey, that's it" said Brian. "What if Meg is developing magic powers?"

"Do you think that can be possible?" asked Lois.

"I don't see why not" said Matt. "Thanks to the spellbook's influence, Rosie was born with magic powers. Maybe due to the exposure to magic, you started to develop your own powers"

"Yeah, like when some cartoon character is exposed to nuclear radiation and gain powers." Said Chris.

"Well, I'm sure that Daphne can check you and see if you have magic powers" suggested Matt.

Minutes later, at the Gardening Store, Daphne is checking Meg with some kind of magical device, while the rest of the family waits, expectantly.

"Yes, you were right" said Daphne, looking at the results in the strange device's screen. "It seems that you're staring to develop powers on your own"

"That means that I can do magic without the spellbook?" asked Meg, visibly excited. "Cool!"

"No, it doesn't" said Daphne. "Maybe you can use the basics of magic, like moving stuff with your mind and other easy tricks, but you'll still need the book for more complicated spells"

"Wait" said Lois. "Practically everybody here used magic at some time. Why only Meg is the one who gets powers?"

"Honestly, I don't know" said Daphne. "A normal human developing powers is an extremely rare case. However, I guess that giving birth to Rosie may have something to do"

"Oh, I knew that having Rosie was the best thing that happened to me, but it gets better for moments!" said Meg.

Suddenly, one of the store's plants was set on fire.

"I also forgot to mention that, while developing powers, they're extremely hard to control" said Daphne. "However, there's a solution"

Daphne then conjured from thin air what it seemed to be a ring with a blue gem.

"This ring will help you to channel your new powers. You'll have to wear it for some months before the energy within your body starts to stabilize" said Daphne.

"It looks cool" said Meg while admiring the jewel. "Oh, I can't wait for tomorrow to start using magic at school!" said Meg, as her head was filled with malicious thoughts "If I wasn't married, I'll make Craig Hoffman to fall in love with me. No, even better! I'll make Connie to fall in love with Neil!"

"Meg, using magic indiscriminately won't make your life easier" said Matt, like predicting a disaster. "Don't you prefer to attract a boy for yourself than by force?"

"Oh, don't be such a buzzkill" said Meg. "Besides, I'm always careful when I use magic. It's dad who always screw things up"

"Okay, that's all" said Daphne. "And remember, don't abuse magic too much"

"Don't worry, I won't" said Meg.

The next day, at James Woods High, Meg and Matt were in the hall, stuffing their things on their respective lockers. Meg then glanced at Connie, who was doing the same.

"Hey, Matt, look at this" whispered Meg. "Let's see how this ring works"

Meg's ring glowed, and Connie's locker's door slammed. Connie looked surprised.

"What the hell?" said Connie as she was trying to open the door.

"And now the _coup de grace_" said Meg.

Meg's ring glowed again, and the locker's door violently opened, hitting Connie's face, knocking her backwards. Everybody then began to laugh at her. Connie ran away in shame.

"Oh, God, that was priceless!" said Meg, laughing her ass off, to the point that she couldn't hold her tears.

"Yeah, it was funny to see" said Matt. "However, I hope you don't torment Connie on a daily basis from now onwards"

"Why not?" asked Meg. "It's not that there's anything that stopped her from doing the same"

Matt glared at Meg in reproach.

"Okay, I won't" said Meg, as she rolled her eyes.

"Good. I don't want my wife to be a revengeful bitch" said Matt. "Like Judith Harper"

**Cutaway**

The doorbell rings.

"Alan, the door" said Charlie. "It must be that bitch"

"Mom?" replied Alan.

"No, the other bitch" said Charlie.

Alan opened the door, and there stood Judith with Jake.

"Okay, I'll come on monday" said Judith. "Take care of Jake, and keep him away from that jerk"

"Don't worry, Judith, Jake will be fine" said Alan.

"One more thing" said Judith as he handed Alan what it seemed to be a bill.

"What is this?" asked Alan.

"Jake wanted a PS3, and I want you to pay it" said Judith.

"What? Why I should pay it?" asked Alan, outraged.

"Do you want to call the lawyers and see who has to pay for Jake's videogames?" threatened Judith.

"Oh, no there's no need of…hey, what's that?" said Alan quickly.

Judith turned around, and Alan pulled out a sledgehammer and smashed Judith's head with it.

"Come on, call your lawyer now!!" shouted Alan, an insane smile formed in his face. "CALL YOUR LAWYER NOW!!"

**End Cutaway**

Hours later, in the cafeteria, Meg is sat with Matt and Nathalie, eating and talking. Nathalie notices Meg's ring.

"Hey, cool ring" praised Nathalie. "Where did you get it?"

"Thanks" said Meg, looking at it.. "But it's not a mere jewel. This is a magic ring. It allows me to use magic without the spellbook"

"Whoa!" said Nathalie. "Could you lend it to me someday?"

"Sorry, it only works on me" said Meg.

"Aww" said Nathalie, disappointed. "Wait, all the weird stuff that happened today was because of you?"

"Yes" said Meg, proudly. "Although that was just for fun. Wait until I warp up!"

"Meg, remember what Daphne said about use magic too much?" asked Matt.

"What? It's not that people get harm when I use magic" replied back.

"Well, you actually DID harm Mrs. Canner when you make all those books to hit her" said Matt.

"Hey, she was asking for it!" said Meg.

Soon they were joined by Chris and his girlfriend Zoe.

"Hey, it's okay if we sit here?" asked Zoe.

"Sure. You don't even have to ask" replied Nathalie nicely.

"Today's meal sucks" complained Chris as he looked at his platter in disgust.

"Yeah" said Matt. "Too bad that nobody can do anything about this food"

"Maybe I can" grinned Meg.

"Don't you think that you used magic too much for today?" asked Matt.

"Come on, it's for a good cause" said Meg. Her ring glowed again showing that Meg was casting a spell. "Taste it now"

Chris took a spoonful of his creamed potatoes, and tasted it.

"Hey, it doesn't taste like burned wires!" said Chris joyful.

"Really? Let me try…" said Nathalie, before doing the same. "Hey, this tastes like real food! Thanks, Meg!"

"See?" asked Meg. "I can use magic to make people happy too. What do you have to say to that?"

"I guess that magic can be helpful too" said Matt.

"What could I do next?" wondered Meg, and her head was flowed with more ideas.

"Why don't you blow up the chemistry lab?" suggested Chris. "I always fail chemistry"

"You fail at everything" replied Meg.

"Changing the topic" said Matt. "This evening I have a basketball match against another school, will you come to watch me?"

"Sorry, honey, but I can't" said Meg. "I have to work today at the gardening store"

"I will" said Nathalie. "I'm going to stay afterschool to train a bit at the swimming pool and I may drop by there later. Besides, it would be a good chance to…'befriend' one of your tall and muscular teammates" giggled Nathalie.

Hours later, while Matt plays his match and Nathalie chooses possibly candidates to flirt with, Meg is working at the gardening store with her boss and mentor Daphne.

"So, how was your day, Meg?" asked Daphne.

"Pretty cooler than usual" replied Meg.

"You look really happy" remarked Daphne. "Has that smile some thing to do with your new powers?"

"Maybe…" said Meg, smiling.

"Did you have any trouble with your new powers?" asked Daphne.

"Oh, no" said Meg. "The ring worked fine. All what happened was because I wanted to"

"Okay, I'm going to feed Sherman" said Daphne as she took a bag of meat. "I want you to stay at the counter. You can watch some TV if you want"

Daphne then went to the basement, leaving Meg watching the portable TV.

"In our local news, several students from the James Woods High report several weird and possibly supernatural events that happened today" said Tom.

"That's right, Tom. These events goes from light bulbs switching on and off, moving chairs and doors and other paranormal stuff" said Diane.

"Weird. Well, some minor side effects from using magic" said Meg.

"However, we have reports that some other major supernatural events happened in the last hours, like students shallowed by the walls, a twister of books and a very cruel version of dodgeball" said Tom. Meg's eyes widened when she heard the side effects of her magic abuse.

"WHAT!?" shouted Meg, shocked. "OH, no! Daphne, please, come here!" panicked Meg.

Daphne quickly walked in.

"What's happening?" asked Daphne.

"Look what the TV is saying!" said Meg.

Daphne watched the rest of the news, and adopted a reflexive stance.

"We have to do something!" cried Meg. "Maybe Matt and Nathalie are in danger!"

"Meg, how many times did you used magic today?" asked Daphne, glaring closely at her.

"I…don't….know…" stammered Meg. "It is bad?"

Daphne let out a heavy sigh, and turned around slowly.

"Meg, I thought that I taught you to use magic carefully" said the nature witch. "What it's happening at your school is a side effect of using magic too many times in the same place in a small amount of time"

"I didn't know that that could happen…" said Meg.

"Don't you remember that, when you cast a spell, you unleash magic energy?" asked Daphne.

"Yes, but I thought that I absorbed it!" said Meg. "What this time things went wrong?"

"Because your body only can absorb a determined amount of magical energy per hours, and if you exceed it you won't absorb anymore magic, and all the energy from the spells will spread through the air!" asked Daphne. "Uncontrolled magic in small amounts has almost imperceptible effects, but this effects increase a lot if there are too many spots near each other."

"Why you didn't tell me that before?" asked Meg.

"I thought that telling you 'be careful while using magic' was enough, but I was wrong" said Daphne. "Anyway, this discussion I useless. Magic, if not controlled or kept in a container, becomes a force of pure chaos, and that's what happening at the James Wood. You need to find all the uncontrolled magic spots and neutralize them. "

"How can I do that?" asked Meg.

"You'll need a powerful focus of magical energy" said Daphne. "Your spellbook will be fine"

"So all that we have to do is go to the James Woods, find the magic spots, put the spellbook closely. That's it?" asked Meg.

"Let me correct you" said Daphne. "All that YOU have to do is go to the James Woods, find the magic spots and put the spellbook close to them"

"What? Aren't you going to help me?" asked Meg.

"No" said Daphne. "It's about time that you learn some responsibility about the powers you gained"

"Well, I guess that you're right…" said Meg, slightly downbeat. "Well, wish me luck"

"Oh, don't worry. You're a very capable girl, deep inside. I'm sure that you'll be able to solve this mess" cheered Daphne, however, serieousness didn't faded from her features.

"Alone in a haunted school" said Meg. "This is going to be worse than leaving Stewie and Rosie playing unsupervised"

**Cutaway**

Stewie and Rosie are in the back lawn. Stewie is setting what it seems to be some kind of gun.

"Yes! My Doomsday gun is finally complete!" said Stewie as he wiped sweat from his forehead.

"Doomsday gun?" asked Rosie as she raised an eyebrow. "What do you plan to do with it?"

"It isn't obvious, my dear niece?" said Stewie. "This weapon is one of my many tools I'm going to build to enslave the world. Now, let's test it"

Stewie presses some buttons on the gun's control panel, and the gun fires a missile to the sky. However, the missile quickly fell down and destroyed a nearby house.

"Stewie!" shouted Rosie. "UYou blew up Mr. Herbert's house!"

"Don't make such a drama" said Stewie. "I'm pretty sure that he wasn't at home"

Suddenly, a false teeth and a walker fell down in front of them. Rosie glared at Stewie.

"What? It's not that anybody is going to miss him!" said Stewie.

**End Cutaway**

Some moments later, Meg arrives at the James Woods High, the spellbook stuffed in her backpack. Dark clouds surround the High School, as the thunders constantly clapping create a very sinister background sound. A cold wind blows. She was scared. She could bring Rosie with her, but she didn't want to put her at risk in such a dangerous place. No, she had to do this alone…

"Okay, here I am" said Meg to herself. "I did this, so now I must undo it"

Meg opened her backpack and took from it her book of magic. He walked unsteadily towards the entrance, and breathed out heavily. She opened the door, and she was greeted with the sight of a sinisterly empty hallway. The lockers were constantly opening and closing, creating a symphony of metallic and dissonant noises.

"Hello, anybody at home?" asked Meg, only answered by the ominous echo of her voice. "This is weird, this school never had echoes"

Meg pressed the spellbook against her chest, like some kind of shield or luck talisman, and walked slowly down the aisle.

"Excuse me" said a voice behind her.

"AAAAAAHHHHHH!!" screamed Meg as she quickly turned around. There was a tall, brown haired man, probably in his thirties.

"Hello, I'm Harry Mason" said Harry. "Have you seen a little girl? She turned seven last month. Short, black hair. My daughter Cheryl"

"You mean that girl?" said Meg while pointing a nearby girl that matched the description.

"Yes!" said Harry with joy. "Cheryl, come on, let's go home"

Harry and Cheryl left James Wood, leaving Meg alone.

"Okay, I helped that guy to get her daughter, but I'm still alone in a haunted school" said Meg. "Wait a minute, what was doing a seven year old girl in a High School? That was weirder than trying to explain Super Mario Bros so it makes sense"

**Flashback**

Somewhere in the eighties, a young boy is looking for games for his NES. He picks the Super Mario game and heads to the counter.

"Are you going to buy that game?" asked the clerk.

"I don't know" said the boy "It looks good. What is this game about?"

"Oh, in that game, a princess is kidnapped by a dragon/turtle hybrid and his minions, which are turtles, flying turtles and walking mushrooms" explained the clerk. "You get to control Mario, a midget Italian plumber who has to beat this enemies by jumping on them, and then face the dragon turtle boss in his castle to rescue the princess. You have to do this eight times. Mario can eat a mushroom to double it size and grab a flower to shot fireballs. However, if one of the enemies touches Mario he will shrank back"

The boy just stares at the clerk blankly.

"Was this made on drugs?" asked the boy.

"Everything here is" replied the clerk.

**End Flashback**

Meg suddenly heard some screams. Her heart beating each time faster, she followed them and they led her to the swimming pool, where those screams where now perfectly audible. She also recognize who was giving said screams.

"Nathalie!" shouted Meg.

Forgetting about her fear, Meg burst in the swimming pool to see that the water formed a twister, and Nathalie, among other few girls, were trapped inside, trying to break free.

"Nathalie!" shouted Meg.

"Meg?" asked Nathalie, shocked to see Meg there. "What's happening?"

"I'll tell you later!" said Meg. "Now I'll try to get you out of there!"

Meg lifted the book, and opened it on a random page. Suddenly, a loud screech was heard, and Meg saw how the book began to absorb the water's magic energy. When there was no more magic to drain, the book violently closed by itself, and the water twister faded. The rest of the girls didn't think twice and got the hell out of there as fast as they could.

"Nathalie!" shouted Meg.

"Oh, Meg!" replied Nathalie as both friends hugged each other. "I thought it was the end! What's going on?"

"It is my fault" said Meg, downbeat. "I used so much magic today that it created some side effects"

"I see…" said Nathalie, pensive. "But you know how to undo this, right?"

"Sue I do!" replied Meg. "I only need to put the spellbook close to any spot of uncontrolled magic"

"Then we have some though task ahead" said Nathalie.

"Wait, aren't you angry at me? You could die there!" said Meg.

"Meg, I probably agree with Matt about what he said about the abuse of magic, seeing what happened here, but I know that you didn't do this on purpose. You also helped me" replied Nathalie. However, a smile formed in her face. "Besides, what kind of friend would be if I let you do this alone?"

"Thanks a lot, Nat" said Meg, moved. "You're a true friend"

"Well, let me get changed and let's purge the school from any hint of out of control magic" said Nathalie.

Minutes later, Meg and her friend Nathalie continue their trip to clean James Woods. Some spots were easy to neutralize, like the opening and closing locker doors, or the flickering lights, but soon they'll find harder challenges.

"We need to go to the gym" said Meg. "Matt said that he had a basketball match, and maybe there's something going wrong there like in the swimming pool"

"Okay, but let's hope that we don't find any more disgusting things in the path" said Nathalie.

As if Nathalie was tempting fate, they found out several fellow students being swallowed by the walls. It was a really creepy and disgusting view.

"EEW!" said Meg and Nathalie in unison.

"Quickly Meg. Before they get completely swallowed!" urged Nathalie. However, when they tried to come closer to the people-swallowing wall, they saw that they couldn't move their feet.

"What the hell is going on?" asked Meg.

"We're sinking!" said Nathalie, who watched in horror how the floor slowly swallowed her like she was in a shifting sand.

"Okay, calm down" said Meg. "I can fix this"

Meg opened the spellbook, and it began to absorb all the magic in the floor like it did before with the pool. However, when it was done, the floor break apart, and Meg and Nat fell to the lower floor.

"Aw, my ass" said Nathalie, rubbing her damaged butt.

"This is going to be harder than I expected" said Meg removing some dust from her hair and small rubble from her clothes. "But we must keep going"

"Okay, but…it's okay if we stop by the nursery?" said Nathalie, still grabbing her ass. However, she dropped the idea after watching Meg's disapproving look. "Alright, I get it, save the school first, you don't have to look me like that"

"Anyway, were are we?" asked Meg, as he looked around the place. It seemed to be a dark basement, with lots of pipes in the walls and roof.

"I guess that we are in the boiler room" said Nathalie. "Let's hope that there isn't any magic spot here, otherwise we could end down to ashes"

Suddenly, Meg heard a loud shout.

"Did you heard that?" asked Meg.

"Hear what?" replied Nathalie.

"That shouts, it came from….here!" said Meg, pointing a ventilation grille..

"Maybe there's somebody in troubles" said Nathalie.

Meg then opened the book, and began to turn the pages quickly.

"I don't think that the spellbook can absorb magic this far, Meg" said Nathalie.

"I'm not going to do that" said Meg, who apparently found what she was looking for. "I'm going to look how to get there"

"How?"

"Using this spell that will allow me to expand my vision" said Meg.

Meg then closed her eyes and chanted the spell. Suddenly, she felt that her mind left her body, and could go anywhere. She look where the ventilation grill took, ad she found herself in what seemed to be a locker room. She exited the locker room, and saw the gym, where Matt, his teammamtes and other people were trapped between flying balls that were constantly flying and hitting the ground…or whatever find in their way. Meg lost the concentration, and her mind returned to her body.

"What did you see?" asked Nathalie.

"It's Matt!" said Meg. "He's in the gym with more people, and magic enhanced flying balls are trying to hit them!"

"And we thought that dodgeball was cruel" said Nathalie.

"We are near the gym! Come on, we have to save Matt!" urged Meg.

Meg and Nathalie ran as fast as they could to make their way to the gym, but more obstacles waited for the two girls. When they were near the gym doors, a twister of books stood in their way.

"What the hell is that? A twister of books?" asked Meg, shocked.

"Oh, god, it's like my nightmares before the exams!" said Nathalie.

"Don't worry, that won't be a problem" said Meg as she walked to the tornado of books with her spellbook opened on a random page.

"Meg, be careful" advised Nathalie, her expression changing again to a worried one. "That thing looks dangerous"

"Don't worry, I have-AAAAAHHHH!" screamed Meg as she was engulfed by the literary twister, forcing her to drop the book. "Nathalie, help!"

Nathalie ran to the twister and tried to free Meg, but it was useless. The books hit her every time she came closer.

"The book!" shouted Meg. "Use the book!"

Like Meg did before, Nat picked the book and opened it on a random page near the twister. The book absorbed the free magic, and soon the boks fell to the floor, freeing Meg in the process.

"Are you okay, Meg?" asked Nathalie as she helped her to stand up. "Those bruises look pretty bad"

"I'm the most unpopular kid of the school. I've received beatings worse than that" said Meg, trying to show herself upbeat.

"Alright" said Nathalie. "Let's go to the gym"

They entered in the gym, and Meg was greeted with a hit full in the stomach with ball, and Nathalie in the face.

"AW!" both screamed in pain.

"Watch out!" shouted Nathalie as she pushed Meg away from another killer ball.

Balls of every kind were flying like meteors through the whole gym, hitting everything they found.

"Meg!?" asked a known voice from under the bleachers. "Meg!"

"Matt!" Meg recognized the voice of her husband almost instantly.

"Over here, quickly!" shouted Matt.

Meg and Nathalie ran were Matt and other basketball team members were guarding from the balls as fast as they could, but they reached the bleachers without any major incident.

"Oh, matt, I was so worry about you!" cried Meg as he hugged her husband.

"Don't worry, I'm tougher than I seem" said Matt, hugging back his wife. "What's going on?"

"Well…" began Meg.

"Let me guess, this is a side effect of your magic abuse, right?" asked Matt.

Meg nodded in response, feeling really ashamed of what her careless behaviour has done.

"It's okay. However, I hope that this will teach you some things about your powers." said Matt. "But there's no time for reproach. Now we have to find a way to get the hell out of here"

"That's why we're here" said Meg. "I can use the spellbook to return things back to normal"

"Hey, what is this girl talking about?" asked one of Matt's teammate.

"Anything" said Matt. "Will you wipe their memory?"

"Sure I will. But meanwhile…" said Meg, as her ring glowed, and all of Matt's teammates fell unconscious. "Wait, why are you still here? Why you didn't try to escape?"

"We did" said Matt. "But every time we tried we got hit by those damn balls. And I thought that dodgeball was cruel"

"Maybe we weren't hit so many times because of the spellbook" guessed Meg. "But I don't think that the book has enough power to protect all the people here"

"You said that you have the solution to this mess, do you?" asked Matt.

"Yes" replied Meg. "If I put the book opened near the balls, they'll lose their power and become normal balls again"

"The thing is, how are you going to do that?" asked Nathalie. "The balls are constantly flying across the gym and won't stop!"

"If we could gather the balls in the same place…" wondered Matt.

"Hay, that's it! Good idea!" praised Meg.

"The problem is how we are going to do that" said Matt. "The balls doesn't follow anything in particular, they just fly from one side to another"

"I have an idea" said Nathalie. "Meg, you could keep the book opened while Matt and me protect you from those balls"

"Maybe it can work" said Meg. "Well, it's not that we have any more ideas, so let's go with it"

The trio left the safety of the bleachers and walked to the area of danger. Whenever a ball passed near them, The spellbook absorbed it magic, rendered it immobile, and if don't, Matt or Nathalie would kick or punch the ball away. After several minutes, they were able to clean from magic all the balls.

"That was the last one" said Meg, pointing to a nearby ball.

"There are still some spots of uncontrolled magic in the school" said Meg. "But since we erased most of them won't be hard to erase those"

And thus, Meg was able to clean all the magic from the James Woods. After her task was done, Daphne removed these events from the memories of every one who witnessed this. The next day, Meg and Matt were having some coffee in a bar, while Nathalie was in a table with one of Matt's basketball teammates.

"Thanks god that this was over" sighed Meg.

"Yes. And let's hope that it never happens again" said Matt.

"How many times must I say that I'll be more careful with magic in the future?" said Meg, annoyed.

"Oh, don't get so pissed" laughed Matt. "Me nagging you didn't helped either. Maybe I should try to show you that you don't need magic to make things better"

"I know" said Meg. "But when somebody like me gets something that can change her life so drastically…it's hard to resist the temptation"

"Let's make a promise" said Matt. "Whenever either of us has a problem, we will speak with each other and try to find a solution on our own before recurring to magic, okay?"

"Deal" said Meg. The sealed their promise with a kiss. "Wait, either of us? Did you use magic without telling me anything?"

"Uhhh….maybe" said Matt.

Meanwhile, at the Griffin house, Peter is on the couch watching TV when suddenly an ad pops up.

"Coming soon…Super Mario Bros the Movie 2!!" said the announcer.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!" screamed Peter.

**End of Chapter.**

**Author's Note: So, do you liked it? Like it or not, please leave a review. I've been a lot of time since I worte anything, and this chapter is the test that says if I'm still in shape or not. Also, thanks to everybody who read and review this story.  
**


	36. Be a Bad Girl, Sophie

**Chapter ****35: Be a Bad Girl, Sophie.**

_(Special thanks to Tanadra, who betaread this chapter and provided some useful tips to improve its quality)_

Seeing that today was going to be a warm and sunny day, many of the mothers of Quahog decided to take their kids to the many parts this shabby town has. Of course, Meg, Lois, Jillian and Mrs. Lockhart also took their kids there so they could play together.

On the playing ground, Sophie, Rosie and Maya were playing in the sandbox, while Stewie played with Kyle with some action figures and other toys.

"You know what would be fun?" asked Rosie, excited.

"Tell us" replied Maya.

"We could gather some mud, put it at the end of the slide, and watch all the kids getting their clothes dirty!" giggled Rosie. "It would be really fun to watch!"

"I don't know" said Maya, insecure. "That sounds really cruel. Besides, I don't want my clothes to get dirty. This dress is new"

"Oh, it's not cruel" said Rosie in a defensive tone. "It's just mud. Mud can't harm"

"I still don't know" said Maya, and then she turned to Sophie. "What do you think, Sophie?"

However, Sophie was looking at other place, with dreamy eyes and relaxed expression

"Sophie!" yelled Rosie.

"What?" asked Sophie as she snapped back. "Did you say something?"

"Rosie wants to pull a prank on the other kids by putting mud at the end of the slide" explained Maya. "What do you think?"

"Uh…I don't know" said Sophie, still distracted. "Go ahead if that makes you happy"

Both Rosie and Maya looked at each other, and knew what the cause of Sophie's state was.

"Are you still thinking about Stewie?" asked Rosie.

"Yes…" said Sophie sweetly. "Look at him, playing with his toys, pretending that he's an evil overlord…isn't cute?"

"Sophie, you can't be like this" said Rosie wisely. "If you like Stewie, go ahead and take the first step"

"Yeah, he won't notice you either" added Maya. "You have to be like a flea. You don't notice fleas until they bite you. But then, you know that they're there. And there's nothing that you can do to get rid of them. Well, except buying those anti fleas shampoos like that one mama buys for Kyle…I don't have fleas, but I want to try it…whenever Kyle bathes with that shampoo, his hair is so soft and silky…and you know what else is silky? Sheeps. I'd love to have a sheep…I'll spend the whole day stroking its woolly fur…"

Rosie and Sophie looked at Maya with their eyes widely opened. Then they returned to the previous topic.

"Well, if you want Stewie, fight for him! Now go and talk to him!" said Rosie, trying to imbue some confidence on her aunt.

"But what I'm supposed to do?" asked Sophie, showing nervousness.

"I don't know, I'm too young to understand boys or even feel attracted to them" said Rosie with a shrug. "Ask him if you can play with him"

"Okay, I will" said Sophie, still nervous, as she walked towards Stewie.

"Oh, and if he says yes, don't go to the slide!" said Rosie.

Sophie then walked when Stewie and Kyle were playing. She breathed heavily.

"Hi, Stewie" said Sophie sheepishly.

"What do you want, brat?" asked Stewie with a disdainful ton, not even turning at her. "Don't you see that I'm busy right now?"

"I was wondering…if you wanted to play with me…" said Sophie, unable to overcome her shyness.

"Oh, yes!" said Stewie sarcastically. "Let's play with you, why not! And then we could go to your house, play with your stuffed animals and pretend that we live in a world of love and happiness!"

"So…that's a no?" asked Sophie.

"Stewie, don't you think that you're a bit rough with her?" asked Kyle, who saw that Sophie was almost crying.

"Shut up, dog!" ordered Stewie. "Or I won't let you to play with my toys!"

"These are MY toys!" replied Kyle. "You changed yours for that magic beans, remember?"

Stewie pulled from his pocket the supposed 'magic beans', and threw them away in anger.

"Damn Fatman's genes!" shouted Stewie. Then he looked at Sophie, who was still standing there. "Are you still there? Why don't you go back to play with the rest of the Powerpuff Girls?"

"Haha, so funny!" said an arab boy who walked towards them. "You called them Powerpuff girls because they're little girls and one of them is red haired, another one is brunette and another one is blonde! So funny!"

"Go to hell! Don't you have any building you have to blow up?" asked Stewie.

"Haha, and now you used the Arab-terrorist stereotype to make fun of me!...wait, that is very offensive…but it's still funny!" laughed the boy.

**(A/N: No offense to anybody from Arabia or the middle east, BTW)**

Meanwhile, Rosie and Maya were expecting the outcome of Sophie's 'first step'

"What are they saying?" asked Rosie.

"How should I know?" asked Maya, glancing at Sophie with an eyebrow raised.

"I though that you have enhanced hearing senses since you're half dog" said Rosie.

"So what if I have them? Does that mean that I have to use my gift to spy on people's private conversations?" asked Maya, offended, but Rosie simply stared at her blankly. "He said no"

"Poor Sophie" said Rosie. "That had been a letdown for her"

"Speaking of the devil" said Maya pointing at a very sad Sophie who returned to them.

"Don't tell us anything, we already know" said Rosie.

"I don't know what can I do to make him to like me" said Sophie, downbeat.

"Have you though in improving your wardrobe?" suggested Maya.

"Maya, there are things that buying new clothes won't solve" said Rosie in a deadpan manner.

"Really!?" asked Maya, shocked. "I have to tell mama!"

Later in the night, Peter and Lois are going out with Matt's dad Bruce and Mrs. Lockhart, so Meg and Matt have to take care of Rosie, Stewie, and Sophie.

"Okay, I think that we will return by 11 pm or so" explained Lois to Meg. "If something happens, you have our cell phone numbers"

"Don't worry, mom" said Meg. "We will be fine. Try to have fun"

"And so will be the kids" added Matt.

"Okay, see you later" said Lois as she and Peter left the house. Both Matt and Meg sat in the couch, however, it seemed like they let their bodies fall rather than properly sitting.

"Another night that we have to spend here, taking care of the babies" complained Meg.

"Well, at least we have a night entirely for us" said Matt, trying to be positive. "It has been a while since we had some times for ourselves, even if it's at home"

"Yes" replied Meg. "The school, the kids, the job…I think that it's too much…"

"Remember when we were just boyfriend and girlfriend?" asked Matt. "We hanged out a lot"

"It was the fist time I had something close to a life" said Meg, a bit nostalgic.

"We used to walk at night, go to dance, and many more things" said Matt.

"And people looked at me surprised when they saw us holding hands" said Meg, giggling a bit. "Because they think that I'm too ugly to have a boyfriend"

"I don't care what other people say. To me, you're beautiful" replied Matt sincerely.

"I know. And that's what I stopped worrying about what other people think" said Meg, coming closer to her husband, holding his hand.

"Well, enough about remembering old times" said Matt. "What can we do to spend the night?"

"I have some movies here" said Meg, searching through the DVD boxes in the shelve under the TV. "Last day I chose the movie, so tonight it's your turn. What would you like to see"

"I don't know. Something light hearted, but still interesting. If there are some action scenes would be nice. Oh, and some bits of humour" said Matt. "Although I don't think that…"

"How about the last Transformers Movie?" asked Meg.

"I love you" replied Matt with a wide smile. Meg put the DVD on the recorder, and sat near both hugged each other while the movie started.

Little they knew about the disaster which was brewing in the upper floor. Because, in the upper floor, Rosie and Sophie were talking about the incident in the park.

"Stewie will never like me" said Sophie, downbeat.

"Oh, don't say that" said Rosie. "It's that you just didn't attract his attention properly"

"What do you mean?" asked Sophie.

"Which the the things you like to do most?" asked Rosie.

"Oh, I love to play with my stuffed animals, pick flowers, draw pictures of forests, valleys and places with lost of animals, and watch Seasme Street" said Sophie.

"Okay" said Rosie. "Stewie loves to play with his _real_ guns, draw pictures of himself killing grandma, and watch horror films. Do you see the difference between you and him?" asked Rosie.

"I guess…" said Sophie.

"So, in order to Stewie to like you…" said Rosie, doing a dramatically silence "…you'll need to be bad girl, Sophie"

"Be a bad girl?" asked Sophie, thoughtful. "But, how can I do that? It's not in my nature to be bad"

"Don't worry, I'll help you" said Rosie. "When I'm finished with you, you'll be scarier than the last Spongebob movie"

**Flashback**

(As always, the italics is the narrator)

_Luck never was on Squidward__'s side…_

A bunch of scenes of Squidward getting some crap rolls on, like getting trapped in a bubble, being beaten up by a sea bear, one of the many times Spongebob drives him insane…

_He had the misfortune to live between two idiots…_

Now we see more scenes of Squidward getting trapped in a bubble again, his house being blown up several times by Spongebob, being berated by Mr. Krabbs, etc…

_However, things__ will change soon…_

We see some scenes of Squidward training, such as lifting barbells, running, hitting a punching bag with Spongebob's face on it, etc…

_This squid is angry…_

Squidward bursts in the Krusty Krabby with a machine gun and guns down everybody, laughing maniacally.

…_and he thrives for blood…_

Spongebob and Patrick are catching jellyfishes, when they're approached by Squidward, armed with lots of guns and knifes.

"Hi Squidward!" said Spongebob, cheerful. "Do you want to catch jellyfishes with us?"

Squidward, spotting a wicked grin, cocked his shotgun. The screen faded to black, and several shouts and gory screams could be heard.

_Spon__gebob Squarepants The Movie 2: Squidward's Revenge._

_Coming soon…_

**End Flashback**

A moment later, the two baby girls were in Meg's room. Needless to say, they're reading the spellbook.

"Here it is" said Rosie pointing a spell. "The Negative Energy Infusion. This spell will turn anybody cast at into a much more badass version of himself"

"Do you think it will work? Or what if something goes wrong?" asked Sophie, a bit scared.

"Don't worry, it will be fine" assured Rosie, her tone showing self convincing on her idea. "Now stand still for a second"

Sophie didn't move, while Rosie recited the spell. Suddenly, a current of wind came out of the book, followed by what it seemed to be a black cloud. The cloud then came close to Sophie and introduced in her body. The wind then stopped.

"That's all?" asked Sophie, expecting something more dramatic to happen.

"I think so" said Sophie, sharing her young aunt's impressions. "Do you feel any different?"

"No…" said Sophie. "I think that it didn't worked"

"Well, maybe the effect isn't instant" said Rosie. "Let's see if tomorrow you feel any diferent"

The very next day, somebody rang the door. Lois opened the door, and saw a little girl dressed like a punk: she was wearing a back t shirt with a skull on it, a checked black and red skirt, a spiked collar around her neck and small black Doc Martens, and had long black shed hair. Lois' surprise was capital when she realized who that toddler was.

"Sophie? It's that you?" asked Lois, shocked by the sight of the punkish girl.

"What's up Mrs. G? Is Stewie at home?" asked Sophie, although it sounded like a threat.

"Su…sure" said Lois, still impressed by the radical change of Matt's little sister. "Stewie, come here, you have visit?"

"I hope is important, you dreaded wench!" shouted Stewie, angrily, as he walked downstairs. "You interrupted one of my most important investigations and…and…" but Stewie's rant was interrupted by the shocking image of Sophie.

"Hi, Stewie" said Sophie in a deadpan manner. "Do you want to have some fun at the expenses of other people's pain and shame?"

"Now you're speaking my language" said Stewie, smiling. "Let's go!"

"Okay, have fun, but don't get yourselves in troubles" said Lois, feeling that there was something wrong with that girl.

Meanwhile, Stewie and Sophie head to the park where their moms usually take them to play with more kids.

"I have to ask" said Stewie. "What's gotten into you? Yesterday you were a wretch, and today you're…whoa!"

"I thought that it was time for some changes" said Sophie rather dryly. "Here we are"

They arrived at the park, where many kids were playing while their parents relaxed in the benches, as well as young couples of teenagers walked holding hands and eating ice creams.

"Let's wreak some havoc!" said Stewie.

Now we cut to a montage of scenes in which Stewie and badass Sophie pulls extreme practical jokes on everyone. Tainted Love, by Marilyn Manson, plays in the background.

Some kids are playing in the sandbox building a sand castle. Stewie and Sophie jump on it, tearing it down, and then began to kick sand to the kids' eyes. Said kids ran away crying, while Stewie and Sophie laugh at them evilly.

A teen girl walks while eating an ice cream. Stewie and Sophie tighten a string, making her trip and fall over her ice cream, getting her face and clothes dirty with it. She ran away crying while the two toddles laugh evilly.

A young couple is sitting on a bench, talking. The girl then leaves for buy a drink. Sophie then jumps on the boy's lap and forces him to kiss her. The girl then sees the boy kissing Sophie, slaps him and walks away. The boy try to explain the situation, but the girl just pours her drink over him. Stewie and Sophie laughs at the poor boy evilly.

A man walks by. The two babies burst from nowhere holding baseball clubs, and beat the crap out of the man. When the man is so injured that he can't even move, they walk away while laughing evilly. Sophie then returns, steal his wallet, pick all the money and toss the wallet away. Stewie then returns and spits the man in the face.

After all their hooliganism, Stewie and Sophie sat in a bench to rest.

"I don't remember the last time I have such a nice time with a girl" said Stewie. "I wonder why you took so long to become this cool"

"Me neither. Now I understand why you are evil: being evil is so funny!" replied Sophie with a glee. "God, when we beaten that poor sap…what a rush!"

"Yeah, it was…hey, why do you look so weird?" asked Stewie. The infant noticed that Sophie's skin was now pale white, and had black rings under her eyes.

"There's nothing wrong about my appearance" replied Sophie. "Okay, what can we do next?"

"Oh, I think I'm off of bad deeds today" said Stewie. "However, we can repeat tomorrow"

"Oh, come on, don't be such a buzzkill!" said Sophie, a bit disappointed. Then he saw a boy walking towards a litter basket "Hey, watch this"

Sophie's eyes glew red, and a blaze of fire came from the litter bin, almost charring the boy, who ran away scared.

"Whoa!!" said Stewie in shock. "How the hell did you do that?"

"I don't know" said Sophie with a shrug. "I don't really care. Just think in the potentially cruel pranks we could pull with these powers! Oh, I know, let's go to the downtown and see how I provoke a multiple crash!"

"Listen, Sophie, I like you now much more than before…but I think that you're going a bit overboard" said Stewie, a bit frightened. "I think that you should take it easy. You're now more scary than those Shadow The Hedgehog haters"

**Cutaway**

Shadow is in his house watching TV when he heard some noises in the front lawn. He went to see what's going on.

"What the…?" said Shadow, perplexed, after seeing a burning cross in front of the house.

"Don't dare to appear in any Sega game again, you bastard!" said a Ku Klux Klan guy, who was in a truck with other guys dressed alike.

"Otherwise, the next time you'll find something more than a burning cross in front of your house!" threatened another one.

"Yeah! The next time we will…put TWO burning crosses!" said a third man, trying to sound menacing. All, the other guys looked at him. "What? That's more than a single burning cross!"

**End Cutaway**

"Take it easy?" asked Sophie, showing a crazy smile. "What do you mean? Don't you like the new me?"

"Yes, yes I do!" answered Stewie quickly. He was getting each time more nervous as he saw how the toddler was driving into madness. "It's just that…that you're…oh, come on, provoke a multiple crash? That's too much even for me"

Sophie didn't say anything in response. She didn't even look at Stewie. Stewie was now worried.

"Sophie, are you-" but Stewie's was interrupted when Sophie cast a red lightning on him, sending him several meters backwards.

"TAKE IT EASY!?" roared Sophie, unleashing all her bottled rage. "I DID THIS TO MAKE YOU TO LIKE ME AND NOW YOU TELL ME TO TAKE IT EASY!!??"

"Sophie, please, calm down- wait, what do you mean 'I did this?'" asked Stewie.

"I used the spellbook to be a bad girl just to impress you! You always rejected my friendship and affection in each time colder ways, and when I became the type of girl you like, now you tell me that you don't like me either? WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU!!??" shouted Sophie. A thunder clapped when she asked this question. "The guy obsessed with ruling the world!?"

"That's true but…you took this too far!" said Stewie, frightened. "Wanting to rule the world is different from killing people just for fun!"

"Actually, no, it isn't" replied Sophie.

"Well, maybe you're right, but I won't change my mind" said Stewie. "You should calm down"

"You know what? You opened my eyes" said Sophie coldly. "You are a total sucker, like my former self. However, this whole experience opened the door for a new world! With these powers, the possibilities are endless!"

"Sophie then disappeared in a burst of flames while laughing maniacally, leaving Stewie alone.

"Okay, this doesn't look good" said Stewie to himself. "Now I'd call for a flashback, but I'm so scared that I can't think in anything."

Meanwhile, in the Griffin house…

**Cutaway to TV**

"On our local news, a couple of toddlers have been terrorizing people in one of Quahog's park" said Tom Tucker.

"That's right Tom" said Diane. "The aforementioned victims have been ridiculed, mugged and verbally and physically attacked"

"Hey, that reminded me that practical joke we pulled on Fred, the sound techinician" chuckled Tom. "I heard that he left the channel after that"

"Tom he didn't left the channel. He committed suicide after your little prank made his wife to divorce him" said Diane dryly. "Anyway, here's a picture of the vandals"

A picture of Stewie and Sophie beating up an old woman appeared on screen

**End Cutaway**

"What?" asked Lois, worried. "Stewie and Sophie have been doing such bad actions? I can't believe it!"

"What is weird is Sophie's appearance" remarked Matt. "She never wear such dark and gloomy clothes. And let's not talk about the gothic makeup"

"Anyway, we can't stay here watching" interjected Brian. "We have to find those rebel kids and see what's wrong with them"

As on clue, Stewie burst in the house, gasping for air, looking really scared and exhausted.

"Sweet! Now we only have to look for one baby instead of two" said Peter.

"Stewie!" shouted Lois when she saw her infant son. "You've a lot to explain, young boy!" said Lois angered.

"Stewie, what happened?" asked Rosie. "Sophie and you appeared on TV!"

"At first I was just having fun with her. Just pulling pranks on people and stuff" explained Stewie, still gasping. "But then…she went overboard with the bad girl thing…she wanted to provoke a multiple crash in the roads, burn buildings with people still inside and that."

"It's still hard to believe what you're saying" said Matt, pensive. "I mean, Sophie has been always a sweet and nice girl. Wonder what's gotten into her"

"She wanted Stewie to like her, so we used the spellbook to turn her into more of a badass" said Rosie, without realizing of what she just said. "Oops…"

"Did you use the spellbook without my permission?" asked Meg, outrighted. "You're in a big trouble now!"

"Can we talk about punishing our daughter that later?" asked Matt. "We must find Sophie"

"I guess that it won't be hard" pointed out Peter. "Look at the news"

**Cutaway**

"Newsflash! One of the aforementioned vandal kids, a girl, is now wreaking havoc upon Quahog" said Tom.

"Said girl, still unidentified, displays an amazing range of supernatural abilites" said Diane. "And since this is too dangerous for normal people to be near said child, we sent our asian reporter, Tricia Takanawa, to cover the events. Tricia?"

"Thank you, Diane" Said Tricia. "As you can see, the unnamed girl is using her magical abilities to harm people, destroy cars, explode streetlamps and break glasses from windows and stores. Excuse me, little girl, can you tell me why are you doing this?"

"Sure" said Sophie. "I'm doing this because it's funny!"

"That's all? And how did you gained magic powers?" asked Tricia.

"Oh, I wanted to impress a boy I had a crush on, but it was useless" explained Sophie. "But this experience also helped me to see how funny is to be evil"

"Well, as a concerned mother, I think that being evil is not funny" said Tricia.

"Oh, I beg to differ" grinned Sophie. "And maybe a rush of negative energy may help you to see that I'm right!"

Sophie then cast a black lightning on Tricia, although she seemed to be unaffected.

"Hey, it was true" said Tricia. "F(bleep!)ck you, Tom and Diane, I'm going to kill you whenever I can. Meanwhile, I'm going to break some stuff and hit some random people just for fun"

"Thank you, Tricia" said Tom. "As you can see, girls nowadays are ready to do anything for boys they like"

"And who have to blame for it?" asked Diane. "Their parents? The school? The TV? Jack Thompson thinks that the videogames. Find it out tonight at 11"

**End Cutaway**

"Oh, god, this is terrible!" said Matt, worried for his little sister. "We must stop her before she harms anybody!"

"Newsflash, Einstein: she's already harming lots of people!" said Stewie sarcastically.

Meg then came downstairs with the spellbook and sat on the couch.

"Okay, Rosie, tell us which spell used" said Meg as he put the book on her lap

"I think that it was named Negative Infusion" said Rosie, trying to remember.

"Okay, here it is" said Meg, after finding the spell. "It seems that this spell increases negative emotions such as rage, disdain for other's sake, aggressiveness and hatred"

"Does that say something about magic powers?" asked Brian.

"It seems that, in high doses, the target of the spell may do develop magic powers" said Meg, as she continued reading. "It also says that it has a feedback effect"

"What does that mean?" asked Lois.

"As Sophie's negative energy increases, she will become much more evil and mad, rpomting her to do more evil deeds" Explained Matt. "And with each evil deed, the negative energy will increase"

"Okay, how do we undo the spell?" asked Rosie.

"There's also a Positive Infusion spell, which may nullify the negative energy" said Meg.

"Okay, so we only need to find Sophie and" said Lois before being interrupted by Meg.

"Oh, no!" said Meg, frightened. "Here says that the negative energy may consume the body if it gathers too much!"

"Are you telling me that Sophie will die if we don't cure her?" asked Matt, shocked. "Come on, we have to find her as soon as possible!!"

Meanwhile, in the burned and ravaged downtown, Sophie is sat on a bench eating some ice cream.

"Being evil makes get hungry" said Sophie. "But is very satisfying. Right, dude?"

"Y-yes…" muttered the ice cream vendor.

"I'm glad to you removed the walnuts. I hate walnuts" said Sophie. "Thus, I'm not going to kill you"

Suddenly, Sophie saw a red car approaching t her. The car then stopped, and the Griffins stepped out.

"Oh, my beloved family" said Sophie with a glee. "Did you come here to enjoy destroying stuff and being bad?"

"In order for the counter spell to work, she need to stand still for some seconds" said Meg.

"Sophie, you must come with us!" pleaded Matt. "You need help!"

"No!" replied Sophie, angered as she threw the ice cream away. "For the first time in my life I'm having fun! The old, good and meek Sophie doesn't exist anymore! I love the new me!"

"Sophie, you have no idea of what's gotten into you" said Meg, trying to sound calm. "You feel good, but there's something going terribly wrong inside you!"

"Mom, leave it" said Rosie. "She refuse to see reason. Leave her to me"

"Please, don't harm her too much" said Matt, saddened. "She doesn't know what she is doing"

"Let me help you" said Meg. "Now that I have magic powers too, maybe I can be of some help."

"Don't worry dad" said Rosie. "Okay, Sophie, come with us, or else…"

"Or else what?" replied Sophie, defiant.

"Or else this!" said Rosie as she cast a electric bolt on her. However, Sophie avoided it without problem.

"Hahahaha!" laughed Sophie. "That's the best you can come up with? Oh, and by the way, what do you think of my evil laugh?"

"You won't be laughing for longer!" said Rosie as she cast another lightning bolt, but this time was more intense.

Sophie cast a dark shield around her, preventing her niece's attack to harm her, although this time she had to put more effort in avoiding the attack.

"It wasn't bad, but wasn't impressive, either" said Sophie, disdainful. "My turn!"

Sophie leaned back, took a deep breath, and spit a huge blaze of fire. Rosie was off guard, however, Meg was not. She saw a fire hydratant, and used her powers to burst it. Then she used her powers to redirect the water towards the fire wave, neutralizing the attack.

"Haha! You can't defeat us!!" said Rosie, triumphal. "Eat this!"

"Let's see how good I am at this" said Meg. Her ring glowed with a pink shine, and cast a pink lightning on her sister in law. Rosie also cat another lightning bolt. Sophie deflected both attacks with her shield.

Rosie's eyes glowed blue, and a few trashcans levitated from the ground, and fled towards Sophie. Sophie, however, shot with her laser eyes at the trashcans, blowing them up.

"That was lame!" laughed Sophie. "Let me show you how to do it!"

Sophie's eyes glowed red, and used her telekinesis to levitate a car and threw it at the Griffins, who had to run away.

Rosie was paralized with fear at the sight of the flying car. Fortunatley, meg grabbed her and used her powers to jump out of the way.

"Rosie! Are you okay?" asked Meg, worried.

"A car? Are you kidding me?" asked Rosie, outraged. "I was born with magic powers, and I have troubles levitating stuff heavier than me, yet she gained magic powers a few hours ago, and she can levitate A FRIKING CAR!?"

"She's too powerful" commented Brian. "We can't defeat her"

"But we can't give up!" said Matt, anguished. "It's my little sister! We…!"

"Hey, what's she doing?" asked Peter.

Everybody saw how Sophie was opening what it seemed to be a rift between dimensions, and jumped thought it.

"Quickly, we must follow her!" hurried Matt.

"But we don't even know where does that portal lead!" said Lois, angered.

"I don't really care" said Matt, now more determined. "She's my little sister, and I'll do whatever it takes to save her"

Matt dashed to the portal, and jumped through it.

"Mat, wait for me!" said Meg, following her husband through the door.

The rest of the family decided that they couldn't leave them alone, so they also crossed the portal, still worrying about what would find at the other side.

"Where are we?" asked Stewie.

Everybody got up and looked around. They expected to be in some kind of alternate universe, but it wasn't the case. They seemed to be in some sort of green limbo, with nothing more than green clouds and floating asteroids. In fact, they were in a very big floating asteroid.

"I don't know" said Rosie. "And I can't think what Sophie would want of this place"

"Maybe that ominous big gate" said Peter pointing to a nearby black gate decorated with demonic motifs. And, indeed, Sophie was in front of that gate.

"Sophie!" yelled Matt, but he got no answer.

A black aura surrounded the crazed toddler. She levitated a bit, and her eyes became white, like she was in some kind of ecstasies. Suddenly, she began to channel a black energy beam at the mysterious gates.

"What is she doing?" asked Lois, frightened.

"I don't know, and I'm not going to let my sister to finish whatever she's doing!" said Matt after running towards his sister. The door started to open, and a cold wind came from its gap.

Matt tried to tackle her sister, but he was knocked backwards by an invisible force field. He tried again, with no result.

"Dad, stop!" cried Rosie. "You're going to harm yourself!"

"I don't care!" replied Matt after tackling Sophie one more time. This time he was successful, and was able to hold Sophie between his arms. The gate closed with a slam.

"Get your hands out of me, you idiot!" shouted Sophie, now out of the trance. "You're going to ruin it!"

"Matt, hold Sophie for a moment while I cast the positive energy spell!" shouted Meg.

The dark aura surrounding Sophie turned red, and Matt's arms began to burn.

"Mom, I'll do it!" said Rosie snatching the book from her hands. "You help dad!"

Meg's ring glowed pink, and cast a spell to neutralize Sophie's fire aura. Meanwhile, Rosie cast the spell on her aunt, with immediate results. Sophie fainted, and her appearance was again her usual.

"Come on, we have to get out of here" urged Matt.

"Let me carry Sophie" said Meg, taking Sophie's unconscious body.

"Matt, your arms are burned!" said Lois in shock. "Are you okay?"

"It hurts a bit, but I don't really care" said Matt, still in a determined tone. "It was a small price to pay for getting my sister back"

"Less talk, we gotta get out of here NOW!" said Brian as he and the others crossed the closing portal, returning to Quahog.

Hours later, the Griffins and Kennedys returned home, and talked about what happened.

"So you don't remember anything?" asked Matt to his little sister.

"No" said Sophie. "All that I remember is playing in the park with Stewie and then…the rest is very hazy"

"What it really intrigued e was that gate Sophie was trying to open in that limbo" said Meg. "Wonder what it was"

"Maybe there's something about that in the book" said Lois. "However, after what we went through, we shouldn't care. All what matters is that Sophie is okay and that nobody was hurt" said Lois, relieved.

"Well, actually lots of people were hurt" remarked Peter. "So what it matters is that nobody that we know was hurt"

"Maybe you're right, mom" said Meg. "But I think that that gate was something important, and I'm going to find out what is it and why Sophie wanted to open it"

"I'm sure that, sooner or later, we'll know it" said Matt. "Now I better take Sophie back to home"

Meanwhile, in the same place Sophie opened the dimensional portal, a blue glowing cloud emerged from the nothing, and spread through the whole town.

To be continued…

**End Chapter.**

**Special announcement:**

**Did you miss the fanmail chapter?Or you didn't, but you have new questions to ask? Well, this is your chance, because, from now onwards, I'll end all the chapters with a mini-fanmail section. So, whenever you review a chapter, you can ask ONE question to any of the characters of the story Why only one? Because I don't want the fanmail section to be too long. However, you can ask another question whenever I upload a new chapter.**

**Also, be sure to check the Spellbook debate thread, where you can discuss with me about some changes, or better said, new elements that I'm going to introduce.**

**Thanks for read and review to everybody!**


	37. Brian Knows Best

**Chapter ****36: Brian Knows Best**

(_A/N: Some spelling errors corrected, as well as other minor edits)_

After Sophie's incident, Meg decided to investigate about that mysterious gate, with the help of Matt, so now Rosie has to spend more time with her grandparents now that her parents are busy. She's now in the Griffin house, playing with Maya, while Lois was talking with Jillian.

"So, tell me, Jillian" said Lois, leaning towards her. "How are you managing with Kyle and Maya?"

"Fine" replied Jillian happily. "This isn't as hard as I thought. Although sometimes I do have some problems."

**Flashback**

Jillian and her children are on the mall. Jillian then spots a hot chocolate stall.

"Hey kids, do you want mommy to buy you some chocolate?" asked Jillian.

"Mom, I'm a dog!" said Kyle, shocked. "Chocolate is deadly to me!"

"How about you, Maya?" asked Jillian.

"Mama! Do you know how many calories a single chocolate drop has?" asked Maya, shocked as well. "Do you want me to get like a cow? I thought you loved me, mama!"

**End Flashback**

"However, each experience makes me a bit wiser" said Jillian. "Besides, Brian helps me a lor"

"Speaking of him, where is he?" asked Lois, finding odd that the dog wasn't there.

"Oh, she took Kyle to some Jazz thingy" said Jillian. "It's so great that he spends so much time with his son…when they're back, I'm going to make some hot chocolate for them"

"How is that he didn't take Maya with them?" asked Lois.

"Oh, he said something about Maya not liking what they were going to do, and he thought that she would have more fun playing here with the magical baby and the talking football" explained Jillian.

In that moment, Brian and his son Kyle entered in the house.

"Hello everybody" greeted Brian, apparently happy.

"Daddy!" shouted Maya, excited, breaking the windows' glasses, before rushing towards her father. Fortunately, Rosie used her powers to fix them.

Brian held a smiling Maya in his arms.

"Did you miss dad, sweetie?" asked Brian.

"Sure I did!" said Maya. "Why you didn't take me with you, dad?"

"Because you only like to go to the mall and watch crappy Disney Channel shows" remarked Kyle bitterly. "And lack the intelligence to appreciate a good Jazz concert"

"Kyle! Don't be mean to your sister!" berated Brian, then he turned back to his daughter. "Next time I will pick an activity that everybody can enjoy, okay?"

"Okay" replied Maya innocently.

"Besides, I have great news" said Brian, showing a letter. "I got a letter from Jasper. He says that he will arrive here tomorrow to meet Jillian and the kids"

"That's great" said Lois, showing little enthusiasm. "But Brian, since Matt moved here and Rosie was born I don't think that…"

"Oh, don't worry" said Brian, guessing what Lois was going to say. "He won't stay here. I reserved a room for him in a hotel"

"Okay, kids, time to go home" said Jillian while standing up from the couch.

"This early?" complained Maya. "But dad arrived just now!"

"Come on Maya, obey your mother" interjected Lois. "I'm sure that your dad will spend more time with you next time"

Maya said goodbye to Rosie and left the Griffin house with her mom and brother.

"Today was a great day" said Brian, cheerful. "Kyle is such a bright and smart kid…it reminds me when I was a puppy. I can't wait for Jasper to meet him"

"It seems that you bonded with Kyle a lot" remarked Lois.

"Yes" said Brian. "I try to spend as much quality time as possible with my son"

"Brian, aren't you forgetting about something?" asked Lois.

"What?" said the dog, clueless.

"You also have another child, you know" said Lois. "You should spend some time with Maya too"

"Why? She enjoys more doing things with her mother" said Brian, however, he noticed Lois' glare. "Alright, I'll spend more time with Maya next time. Tomorrow I'll think in something suited for everybody"

"I hope so" said Lois. "Otherwise, you'll may be a complete stranger to her in the future, like many other irresponsible parents"

**Cutaway**

We see the most epic Star Wars scene. That's right, when Vader is about to tell Luke what all of us already know.

"Obi-Wan never told you what happened to your father," said Vader.

"He told me enough" said Luke, "He told me you killed him!"

"No" said Vader, "I am your father"

"No! That's not possible!" said Luke.

"Search your feelings. You know it to be true" said Vader.

"Wait, if you're my father, where have you been all of these years?" asked Luke

"Uhhhh…I've been pretty busy these years…paperwork…killing rebel scum…" said Vader.

"So, are you telling me that you knew all along that I was your son, yet you let me to rot in that Tatooine farm for twenty years!" yelled Luke. "And you couldn't send a letter or something? As for, you know, letting me know that my father was alive all along? What kind of father you are!?"

"Luke, son, calm down, I can explain…" said Vader.

"You can explain my ass!" yelled Luke. "Don't call me son again, ever! I don't know you anymore!"

**End Cutaway**

Moments later, Jillian and the twins arrived at their home.

"Did you have fun with dad today?" asked Jillian to her children.

"Sure!" replied Kyle. "I can't wait for another trip with dad!"

"Dad never spends time with me" complained Maya. "I wonder why"

"As I said you before, dad and I enjoy good music, not Hannah Montana or that crappy Jonas Brothers" teased Kyle. "Dad loves me better because I'm smarter than you"

"Take that back!" shouted Maya, and a nearby glass vase cracked.

"Kids, please, don't fight" pleaded Jillian. "Dad loves both you the same"

"Then why he barely does anything with me?" said Maya.

"I don't know" said Jillian with a shrug. "Although if you want dad to pay more attention to you, you should tell him. Now go to your rooms meanwhile I prepare the dinner"

"You mean to heat a pizza in the microwave?" asked Kyle.

"Yup" asked Jillian. "However, first I must find that bug that switch the light of the microwave on whenever I open the door"

Jillian opened the microwave door and the inside was illuminated by the inside light.

"Where are you, stupid bug?" asked Jillian in frustration, looking inside the microwave.

The twins went to their rooms, leaving their mom in the kitchen.

"I hope mama can find that bug" said Maya. "Otherwise, our electricity bill will rise a lot"

"Maya, there's not…anyway, forget about it" said the puppy.

The very next day, Jasper arrives at the Griffin home, where the Griffins and Russels welcome him. Meg and Matt weren't there at that moment.

"Knock-knock" said Jasper in a sly manner. "Guess who's here?"

"Jasper!" said Brian, happy to see his cousin. "It's good to see you again"

"The feeling is mutual, B-ri" said jasper happily. "And where are that woman and kids you've been bragging about for so long?" asked Jasper.

"Right here" said Brian. "Jasper, met my girlfriend Jillian"

"Hello, gay Brian" said Jillian.

"Wow, she's such a bombshell" said Jasper. "You really topped yourself this time, looking at her make me question my sexuality and…oh, who the hell I'm trying to kid!" laughed Jasper. He then noticed Kye and Maya. "And who are this two adorable cherubs? Don't tell me they are your children!"

"You nailed it" said Brian proudly. "This is my son Kyle and my daughter Maya"

"Oh, you have to tell me everything about Jillian and your kids" said Jasper. "And maybe in return I may share with you some of my bed tricks I use to please Ricardo that you could use with Jillian. But I don't think so, since Ricardo has something Jillain has not. Oh, I'm so nasty!"

"How about if we go to the park and we play with the kids there?" suggested Brian.

"That sounds rally nice, oogy" said Jillian.

"Have fun" said Lois.

So Brian and his family left the house. Minutes later, Meg and Matt arrived, looking tired.

"We're back" announced Meg.

"Hello, sweetie" said Lois. "Did you find anything?"

"Negative" replied Matt. "We've been looking through the book for hours, but there's nothing about that mysterious gate"

"Have you asked Daphne?" asked Rosie. "She knows a lot about this stuff"

"Daphne didn't have a clue of what was that gate either" said Meg. "She only told us that the place where it's located, that weird limbo, is a place called magisphere, where all the magic energy comes from"

"It's like Earth's soul" said Matt. "You can't go there just by walking"

"I'm sorry to hear that" said Lois. "But you should keep researching. I'm sure that, sooner or later, you'll find the answer"

"Thanks, mom" said Meg, grateful to hear encouraging words from her mother.

"Well, technically, we did find something" said Matt.

"Really? What?" asked Lois.

"When Sophie almost opened that gate, a surge of magic energy came from it, and arrived here" explained Meg. "We don't know what could happen next, but we must keep an eye on every weird event on Quahog"

"Still, you should try to rest a bit" suggested Lois.

Meanwhile, in the park, Brian and Jillian are talking with Jasper while Kyle and Maya play with other kids.

"You should feel proud of having such a nice family, B-ri" praised Jasper.

"Have you ever think in having kids too?" asked Brian.

"Of course I did" replied Jasper. "But, unfortunately, Ricardo or myself lack of something essential for having kids, and is illegal in California for gay marriages to adopt children"

"It's so unfair" grumbled Brian. "Somebody should go there and teach Swarzenegger a lesson!"

"But you can't" said Jillian, scared. "Swarzenegger isn't like you or me! He may look human on the outside, but it's a killer robot on the inside! And let's not even talk about those scary red eyes!"

Both Brian and Jasper stared at Jillian blankly.

"Should we play with the kids, so you get to know them better?" suggested Brian.

"Oky-doky" replied Jasper.

Kyle and Maya were playing in the sandbox, when they are approached by their parents and Jasper.

"Hey, kiddies, watcha doing?" asked Jasper.

"We're building a castle" replied Kyle. "It's Doctor Doom's Fortress"

"Hey, I thought that it was Princess Aurora's castle!" said Maya.

"No, it's Doctor Doom's" said Kyle as he pulled out from his collar a Dr. Doom action figure, and put it on the sand castle. "See? There's the good old dock"

"I see" said Maya. Then he took the action figure and threw it away. "And now you don't see it!"

In a surge of rage, Kyle jumped on Maya, and they began to struggle against each other, until Kyle bite her on her arm. Maya began to cry loudly.

"MAMAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!" cried Maya as she held her harmed arm.

"Kyle!" shouted Brian. "That was wrong!"

"But she threw my action figure away!" replied Kyle.

"Yes, but what you did was wrong!" said Brian. "You're shaming me in front of my cousin!"

"Don't worry, B-ri. They are just kids" said Jasper in a reassuring tone. "Arguing is inevitable among people living together, being siblings or a couple. In fat, when my boy toy Ricardo doesn't let me watch…"

"Your boy toy Ricardo?" asked Kyle, confused. "Who is he, your brother?"

"Oh, no, he's my husband" said Jasper.

"Husband? But…you're a man!" said Kyle

"Ding ding ding, winner" said Jasper. "I've met some people who mistook me with a girl, wonder why? Maybe is because my pink tanktop"

"I guess that I didn't tell you. Jasper is homosexual" explained Brian.

"WHOA!" said Maya. "Then it isn't true that gays have a good sense of style. God, look at those ragged shorts!"

"So, Jasper is married to another man?" asked Kyle. "That's wrong!"

"Kyle!" shouted Brian. "Apologize right now!"

"Why?" said Kyle. "Two men shouldn't be a couple. It's unnatural!"

(A/N: I know that it's pretty ironic coming from him)

"Who the hell put those thoughts in your head?" asked Brian, visibly outraged.

"Nobody!" said Kyle. "I'm smart enough to form my own thoughts!"

"Jasper, I'm very sorry for this…" apologized Brian.

"You have nothing to apologize for, B-ri" said Jasper, who wasn't as cheerful as before. "Kids today watch too much TV…"

After dropping the children and Jillian at her apartment and Jasper at his hotel, Brian returned to the Griffin house.

"Hi there, Brian" saluted Peter. "How was your day with your cousin?"

"Abysmal" said Brian in a very gloomy mood. "Today I found something horrible about my son"

"Yeah, I remember when I found something horrible about my son" said Peter.

**Flashback**

Some years ago…

"Lois, what's wrong with the kid?" asked Peter. "Why the hell he doesn't play with all the toys I bought for him? I bought him a baseball glove, a toy tank, an action man…"

"Peter, Meg is a girl!" said Lois.

"WHAT?"

**End Flashback**

"So, what is it?" asked Peter.

"He acted quite rough towards Jasper when I told him that he was gay" said Brian. "I don't know why he has such a retrograde thoughts regarding homosexual people. I wonder what other things I don't know from him"

"Well, you always could sneak into her room at night and try to look for what corrupted your son" said Peter. "That's what I'd do"

"Peter, I actually want to be a good father" replied Brian sarcastically, but Peter didn't catch his drift.

"Come on Brian, it's a good idea!" said Peter. "Otherwise you'll live plagued by that thought!"

Brian thought for a moment.

"Okay" said Brian reluctantly. "I can't believe that I'm going to follow your advice"

The next night, Peter and Brian, dressed as burglars, sneak into Jillian's apartment.

Meanwhile, in a nearby dark alley, a portal opens. Out from it leaps a reptilian being, just a bit bigger than a dog. The reptile looks around, confused. He then sees an open sewer, and slipped in.

"So, the house is empty, right?" asked Peter.

"Yes" said Brian. "Jillian took Kyle and Maya to the fair, so we have some time until they are back"

"Okay" said Peter.

Peter and Brian entered in what seemed the children's room.

"What are we looking for?" asked Peter.

"Something from where Kyle took his anti gay views" said Brian. "A book, a film, anything"

"Oh my god!" said Peter in shock.

"What?" asked Brian, turning at Peter.

"Look what Kyle has here!" said Peter showing Brian a magazine titled 'Fashion Slave'. "What kind of boy would read this? It's obvious that he only wants to mask his homosexuality"

"Peter, that's from Maya" said Brian. "God, this is useless. Here there are only marvel comic books…" however, Brian noticed something under Kyle's bed. "What's this?"

Brian pulled out a bunch of books from under the bed, and was appalled when he read the titles: _Liberty and Tyranny_, _The Liberal Lies_, _The American Patriot Almanac_, _Reagan's Biography_…

Brian didn't say anything. Just stood there, frozen in shock, looking at the conservative books.

"Brian? Are you okay?" asked Peter, worried.

"Yes…" said Brian downbeat. "Just…let's go home"

Brian didn't tell anybody about his incursion on his son's privacy. In fact, he was able to mask his feelings to practically everybody,but that won't last long. The next day, at Jillian's apartment, Maya is talking with Jillian about her father's favouritism for Kyle.

"Mama" said Maya. "Does dad loves Kyle better than me?"

"Of course not, honey" said Jillian. "He loves both of you the same"

"Then why he spends much more time with Kyle than with me?" asked Maya.

Jillian thought for a moment, but since she wasn't used to use her brain too often, that moment prolonged too much. She couldn't find a proper answer.

"Sorry, sweetie, but I can't think why" said Jillian. "Maybe we should ask him"

"Maybe it's because Kyle is smarter than me, just like dad" said Maya. "Sometimes I feel like Kyle…"

"…makes you feel stupid?" said Jillian, finishing her line.

"How did you know that?" asked Maya, genuinely surprised.

"Because that's how your father makes me feel many times" said Jillian sincerely. "He's so intelligent, while I…well…"

"But…I never heard you complain about that" said Maya.

"No. Because I love him" said Jillian. "And he loves me. And that's enough for me. Listen, your dad is probably, the smartest guy I've ever date, and although he does make me feel stupid many times, I also learned a lot of things from him, like I shouldn't eat toothpaste even if it has a funny taste"

"I've never seen that way" said Maya. "You know, mama, you aren't as stupid as many people say"

"Who said that?" asked Jillian, surprised.

"Nevermind" said Maya.

Suddenly, the doorbell rings.

"Oh, that must be your father" said Jillian.

"Okay, now I'm going to be bold and tell dad how I feel" said Maya determined.

And, like Jillian said, it was Brian.

"Kids, come here to greet your dad" said Jillian.

Both Kyle and Maya rushed to the hall.

"Here are my kids" said Brian.

"So, dad, what are we going to do today?" asked Brian.

"Dad, I have something important to tell you" said Maya.

"Sorry, Kyle, but today I want to hang out with Maya" said Brian, making both his children to gasp.

"Really?" asked Maya in shock.

"Yes" said Brian. "I know that I've been spending a lot of time with Kyle, so now I want to make it up"

"Great!" said Maya, upbeat.

"By the way, you said you have something to tell me. What is it?" asked Brian.

"I love your collar" lied Maya.

"Well, let's go" said Brian. Then he turned to Kyle and said:

"Don't worry son, we will do things together soon, but meanwhile, I want to spend some time with your sister"

"Okay dad…" said Kyle a bit downbeat.

The following days, Brian was faithful to his word and began to spend more time with Maya, much to the little girls delight. Although Maya loved the idea that her dad finally noticed her, she soon found that she didn't enjoy doing things with her father as much as she thought. While she loved to go to the mall to buy clothes, makeup, play with dolls and hear Hannah Montana, Brian always insisted in going to the opera, Jazz concerts, poetry recitals and stuff like that.

And, although everybody was more than alright with Brian finally spending time with Maya, soon everybody, but specially Lois, began to think that he was spending too much time with Maya, while neglecting Kyle. In fact, whenever somebody mentioned Kyle, he got very nervous, and switched the topic, like he didn't even want to talk about his son.

One day, Brian returned home, cheerful as always after spending some time with his daughter. Lois was in the living room watching TV, but she turned it off when she saw the dog coming in.

"Hello Brian" said Lois. "Did you have a great time with Maya?"

"Sure I did" said Brian. "I love that little girl. She reminds me a lot of Jillian. Whenever I taught her something new…"

"Brian, we need to talk" said Lois. "Did something happen between Kyle and you?"

"What do you mean? Hell no! My relationship with Kyle is as good as always" said Brian nervously.

"Is that you spend a lot of time with Maya recently" said Lois.

"What's wrong with you, Lois?" asked Brian, bad tempered. "First you chastise me because I don't spend time with Maya, and now that I do spend time with her, you chastise me anyways! Made up your mind already!"

"Brian, that's what I'm talking about" replied Lois, still calmed. "Whenever somebody mentions Kyle, you go ballistic. Brian, if something happened between you two, you should talk about it with somebody"

"As I tell you before, nothing happened between us! And stop meddling in my life!" shouted Brian as he ran upstairs.

Meanwhile, at Jillian apartment, Maya is talking with his brother about his trips with Brian.

"So, did you enjoy with dad?" asked Kyle bitterly.

"Honestly, no" said Maya. "When I saw you and dad talking about all the cool things you did together and all the good times you had, I felt really jealous. But now I realized that I prefer to do things with mama. I don't click with dad like you do, Kyle. In fact, when I'm with him I feel more out of place that that time we went to that twin convection"

**Flashback**

Kyle and Maya are in a twin convection, meeting other twins.

"Hello, I'm Bret" said a brown haired boy. "And this is my brother Bert"

"I'm Wendy" said a blonde girl with glasses. "And this is my sister Wanda"

"I'm Tommy" said a black haired boy. "And this is my sister Tammy"

"My name's Sandy" said a red haired girl. "And this is my brother Randy"

"Hi, I'm Maya" said Maya. "And this is my brother Kyle"

The rest of the twins glared at them.

"What? Just because we're twins we have to have names that sound like each other? That's just stupid!" said Kyle infuriated.

Kyle and Maya then are chased by an angry mob of twins.

**End Flashback**

"In fact, I've come to realize why dad spent so many time with you" said Maya.

"That's why I find so odd that dad suddenly decided to spend so much time with you" said Kyle. "And that's not just that. He barely even say a word to me. I don't know what happened. We used to have a great time together, until…oh wait"

"What?" asked Maya.

"I just realized that dad began to act so cold towards me after that gay cousin of his come to visit us" said Kyle in realization. "I think that he didn't took very well what I thought about gays"

"So, what are you going to do?" asked Maya.

"I guess that I should apologize" said Kyle. "It seemed that Jasper and Brian are very close."

"I'll tell mama to take us to the Griffins"

Minutes later, Jillian and her kids arrive at the Griffin house. All the Griffins were in the living room, watching TV.

"On our local news, several Quahog citizens reported disappearances of their pets under odd circunstances" said Tom.

"But that's not all. The bloodstained corpses of some of said pets appeared on the streets of Quahog, showing marks of bites and scratch of an unknown animal" said Diane.

"However, police experts assure that the killer animal is a kind of big lizard. Here's an estimated picture of the beast"

A picture of Godzilla appeared on screen.

The doorbell rang, and Meg saw that it was Jillian with her kids.

"Oh, hi Jillian" said Meg. "What brings you here?"

"Kyle has something important to tell to his father" said Jillian.

"Okay, let's see what it is" said Lois.

"Dad" said Kyle taking a step forward. "I'm sorry for what I said about Jasper, and gays in general. What I did was wrong, and I should be more respectful. Please don't me mad at me anymore"

Everybody waited for Brian's response.

"Apologizes accepted" said Brian, however still in a rather coldly manner. "I'm glad that you realized of your bad behaviour"

"So, everything is settled?" asked Kyle, hopeful. "You forgive me?"

"Sure" replied Brian. "But tell me, son. Is there anything more you want to apologize?"

Now Kyle was really confused.

"Dad, I don't know what are you talking about" said the puppy, confused, trying to remember more things that could offend his dad. "Did I do anything wrong besides what I said about Jasper?"

"I don't know" said Brian in a suspicious way. "Maybe your NRA friends may know"

"The NRA?" asked Meg, confused. "Brian, what are you talking about?"

"Kyle supports anti gun control" said Brian. "As well as anti immigration politics, and many others right wing views"

"Come on, dad! Immigration only brings delinquency and…wait, how do you know that?" asked Kyle, realizing that he never spoke about hs political views with Brian, knowing how he would react.

"Brian and I sneaked into your room when you were out" said Peter nonchalantly.

"Peter!" shouted Brian.

"Brian!" said Jillian in horror. "How could you do such a horrible thing?"

"Horrible?" asked Brian. "I'm not the one who supports death penalty!"

"There are some crimes who deserve more than simple imprisonment and…wait, the way which you treated these days was because we have dissenting political views?" asked Kyle in shock.

Brian didn't say anything in response.

"Brian, you can't be serious!" said Lois, angered by the dog's attitude. "So what if your son has right wing views?"

"Brian, you once told me about a guy who disowned his son because he was gay" said Matt, in a less angry mood than the rest of the family. "You told me that it was disgusting, and I agreed with you. But now you must realize that what you're doing with your son is as bad as that, even worse. You disown your son because he thinks for himself"

"No!" said Brian, shouting even louder. "I refuse to believe that my son is a right wing puppet! I want my son to realize that his views are wrong! Then, and only then, things will be like the old days!"

"You're just a big jerk! I hate you!" cried Kyle as he ran away out of the house.

"Kyle, wait!" said Jillian as she went after him.

However, Brian was still impassive.

Despite being just a puppy, Kyle was able to run really fast using his four legs. Her mother was running behind him, begging him to stop, but he didn't want to stop. He only wanted to run as fast as his legs allowed, so he could be as far as possible for that liberal jerk who supposedly was his father. He entered in an unknown neighbourhood, and realized that he was lost, although he didn't care. Soon he could run anymore, and stopped. Jillian, gasping, walked towards him.

"Finally, you stopped" said Jillian, and soon he realized that Kyle was crying.

"I hate him! I hate him, mom! I hate him and I don't want to see him again, ever!" cried Kyle.

Jillian looked at him saddened, and cuddled him between her arms.

"Come on, you shouldn't say such a horrible thing" whispered Jillian while cradling him.

"Why not?" asked Kyle. "He's just a self righteous asshole!"

"Listen, Kyle, your dad still loves you" said Jillian. "He only needs time to assimilate some things…"

"I think that dad was cool before, but I was wrong…" said Kyle.

"Kyle, seriously, stop talking ill about your father!" said Jillian, pissed.

Kyle looked at his mother in shock.

"Didn't you hear what he said?" asked Kyle, angry. "Or do you agree with him?"

"No, Kyle, I don't agree with him, and what he said to you was unforgivable" said Jillian.

"Then…?"

"Kyle, your dad still loves you. The recent events took him by surprise" said Jillian. "You may now think that he's a jerk, but trust me, here's more to Brian than meets the eye. Just give him time, and everything will go back to normal"

"How are you so sure mom?" asked Kyle.

"Because your father broke my heart too, honey" said Jillian, sharing her feelings with her son. "And, like you, I thought that he was a jerk that was just using me like a sex toy. But then he come again to me, asking for me to forgive him. At first I was reluctant, but then I decided to give him a second chance. And I never regretted of my decision. In fact, my decision was rewarded with two wonderful children"

That last line made Kyle to smile a bit.

"So this is what we're going to do now" said Jillian. "We will go back to the Griffin's, we will have a little talk with your father until we strike some sense on his brain and loves you for what you are, right?"

"Alright, mom" said Kyle. "Mom, you're great. Even if people think that you're stupid, I think that you rock"

"No, I'm a person, not a rock" said Jillian. "Why did you said that?"

"Nevermind" said Kyle. "Anyway, any clue of where are we?"

"I don't know. Let's ask a bystander" suggested Jillian. But much to Jillian and Kyle's surprise, the streets were empty.

"This place is like a ghost town" pointed Kyle.

"And it's me or is very hot here?" asked Jillian.

Kyle then turned back when he heard something that sounded like a growl.

"MOM! WHAT'S THAT!?" asked Kyle terrified.

Meanwhile, in the Griffin house, the rest of the family are talking with Brian about his very reprehensible attitude towards his son.

"Brian, are politics so important to you for treating your son so badly?" asked Lois.

"Oh, look who's speaking!" said Brian. "Why don't you take a look at what you married before accusing me of being a bad father?"

"Brian, mom is right" said Meg. "Parents should accept their children the way they are"

"You don't get it, do you?" asked Brian. "I do this for my son's sake! He _must_ realize that he choose the wrong way!"

"And how do you know that he's the one who is wrong and not you?" challenged Meg.

"Yeah, Brian. You're always telling everybody what to think" said Lois. "You defend freedom of speech, but then you can't stand that anybody thinks different from you. You're quite and hypocrite"

Lois sounded really disappointed with him. And for some reason, that made Brian to feel extremely bad.

"Besides, if you son's political views irks you so much, couldn't you ignore them?" asked Matt. "You still have much many more things in common with your son, and you should stick to that and forget that he has conservative views"

"Maybe..." was about to say Brian.

"Hey guys, look at the TV" said Chris.

**Cutaway to TV**

"We have recent news of the pet killer" said Tom Tucker. "Apparently, is some kind of winged lizard that spits fire."

"We're not going to call him a dragon for the sake of avoiding pissed scientist claiming that dragons don't exist" said Diane.

"But if you have some doubts, we have images of the beast. Now we go to our Asian reporter, Tricia Takanawa, in the channel 5 news helicopter, who's after the lizard's trail. Tricia?"

"Thank you, Tom" said Tricia from the helicopter. "As you can see, the supposed dragon, responsible of the death of many animals, has two new preys, a blonde woman and a white dog puppy"

The camera came closer to reveal that they were Jillian and Kyle. Jillian, holding Kyle, was running for her and her son's life, screaming in terror.

**End Cutaway**

"Oh no! Jillian! Kyle!" cried Brian.

"We have to save them from that monster!" said Meg, concerned.

"Okay, I'll start the motorbike" said Matt.

"I'll go with Flare" said Rosie.

"I'll call the police" said Lois.

"I want to go with you, too!" said Brian.

"Brian, I know that they are your girlfriend and son, but you can't…" said Meg.

"Listen, I don't care if I don't have magic powers or similar crap!" shouted Brian vigorously. "Those people are my family, and I couldn't forgive myself if they die and I didn't do anything to save them, so I'm going with you, like it or not"

"I guess that there's no point in arguing" said Meg. "You're really stubborn"

"Just like my son" remarked Brian.

Meanwhile, Jillian, with Kyle between her arms, are trying to escape from the small dragon. There was some times in which the dragon was able to catch them, but Jillian dodged in time. Although he did scream for help, nobody was brave enough in order to face the small but scary winged reptile.

"Kyle…I can't run anymore" said Jillian between gasps. "Run while he eats me"

"Mom, you have no flesh, just bones. I guess that your obsession with being thin played in your favour" joked Kyle, who couldn't believe that he was making a joke in such a dramatic situation. "Besides, I'm not going to leave you here alone!"

"I don't have any more strength to keep running…" said Jillian.

The dragon was coming closer to them. Kyle stood between him and Jillian, in a defiant pose.

"If you want to touch my mom, you must pass through me first!" menaced Kyle.

However, Kyle's menace took little effect, because the dragon replied with a thunderous roar. Kyle didn't move, but now was because of fear rather than the desire of protect his mother.

"Dear god, this is the end…" cried Kyle.

But when the dragon was about to attack Kyle, Matt, Meg and Brian suddenly appeared, both of them on Matt's motorbike. The motorbike ran towards te dragon, and Brian jumped to the beast and grabbed his neck in a hold..

"Don't dare to harm my son, you bastard!" shouted Brian.

The dragon began to stir violently in order to get rid of the dog. Meanwhile, Matt and Meg assisted Jillian and Kyle.

"Are you two okay?" asked Matt.

"Yes" replied Kyle. "Mom is just tired of running"

The dragon was finally able to toss Brian away. However, it seems that he didn't take the dog's intermission to lightly.

"Hey! Some help over here?" asked the dog.

"Oogy!" shouted Jillian.

"Dad, no!" cried Kyle.

However, luck wasn't on the dragon's side, because just when he was about to attack Brian, he was interrupted again, this time by Flare, who used his flames to keep the dragon away from the dog.

"Good job Flare!" said Rosie, who appeared behind Brian. "Don't worry Brian, I'll take you out of here"

Rosie then teleported Brian where Meg and the others where standing. Flare and the dragon keep fighting for some more seconds, until the dragon gave up and flew away.

"Dad! You came to save me" said Kyle.

"O course I did, Kyle" said Brian. "You're my son, and I love you, no matter what your political views are"

Brian and Kyle hugged each other.

Minutes later, they are back at the Griffin house.

"Kyle, Maya, your father has something important to tell you" said Lois.

"Yes. I want to apologize of the way I treated you these past days" said Brian sincerely. "Maya, just because we have different likings doesn't mean that I should neglect you or force you to do things that I like but you don' time I promise we'll do something that you can enjoy"

"I'm happy to hear that" said Maya

"And Kyle, I shouldn't disown you just because of your right wing views. In fact, what I did was horrible, since I was angry at you for thinking for yourself" said Brian.

"Don't worry, dad" said Kyle. Then he looked at Jillian smiling, and Jillian smiled back. "I only want to forget this and have fun with you again, like we did before"

"From now onwards, I promise to be a better father" said Brian.

"That's my oogy!" said Jillian as she hugged him.

"What it intrigue me is the dragon" said Meg. "I wonder if the surge of magic energy that came from the magisphere when Sophie tried to open that gate had something to do with it"

"Who knows" said Matt. "All what we can do is keep researching…and keep an eye if something like this happens again."

To be continued…

**End Chapter.**

**Mini Fanmail**

We see Meg in the living room, standing front of the camera.

"So, the chapter is over. I hope you enjoyed reading it as much as Ander enjoyed writing it" said Meg to the readers.

"Hey, why I didn't appear in this chapter?" complained Stewie.

"Because your presence was unnecessary" said Rosie. "Another writer would probably force you in the chapter just for gay jokes, but Ander wouldn't"

Stewie then muttered something unintelligible against the author.

"But, although the chapter is over, that doesn't mean that we are over yet" said Meg. "Because now is time for the reader's mail!"

Meg opened the spellbook, and two letters popped from it.

"Just two letters?" asked Meg, surprised. "I thought that more pee would have something to ask."

"Are any of those letters for me?" asked Stewie.

"Nope. They are both for Rosie." Said Meg.

Stewie grumbled another insult against me and left the room.

"The first letter is from Hotstreak" said Meg.

_Hotstreak asks: What's Roise gonna be like when she grows up?_

A portal opens, and a teen goth girl leaps from it.

"Hello, I'm Rosie fifteen years in the future" said Future Rosie.

Future Rosie was a tall and attractive goth teenager. She still had the same hairstyle and facial features, but now she was wearing purple eyeshades, black lipstick, a black short sleeved t shirt with a pentacle on it, a purple and black squared skirt, long red and black socks and black boots.

"This is me when I grow up?" asked Rosie. "Cool!"

"I don't know if I'm too happy with those clothes" pointed Matt. "Well, let's go to another letter. This one is from Bhaalspawn"

_Bhaalspawn asks: Are you ever going to be properly trained by someone in using magic? Or are you just going to continue practising on your own?_

"Considering what Ander has planned for me and mom in future chapters, I guess that I should ask Daphne for proper training" said Rosie. "This will be an important issue in the next chapter"

"Well, here ends the mini fanmail and…" but Meg was interrupted when another letter leaped from the open spellbook. "Wait, we still have another letter!"

Stewie returned quickly to the living room, excited.

"And it's for mom!" said Meg.

Stewie kicked the wall and walked away.

"It's from Rocket6923, one of the most recent fans of this story" said Meg.

_Rocket6923 asks: In The Spellbook you are both a good mother and a very attractive woman. My __favourite aspect of The Spellbook is that there is not a single moment in which you are mean to Meg. Keep up the good work. That leads me to this question. What is your opinion of the way your character treats Meg in other stories?_

"I'm glad that you think that I'm both a good mother and attractive" said Lois, blushing a little. "I try my best at both things" chuckled Lois.

"Hey, I don't know who you think you are, but nobody besides me thinks that my wife is hot!" said Peter offended.

"Peter, let it go. And, answering your question, I think that most of the other Lois of the other universes should be ashamed the way they treat Meg. In Family Guy, I saw myself encouraging Meg to commit suicide. What kind of mother does that?" said Lois, outraged. "And in many other stories I treat Meg badly just for jokes, but I don't find it remotely funny. However, some of these writers realized of this and began to make me to treat Meg better"

"Well, that was all our mail for this chapter" said Meg.

"We will be expecting to read more letters for the next chapter" said Matt. "And remember: just one question per review. But that doesn't mean people who asked a question in the last review can ask a new one now."

"Goodbye everybody, and thanks for read and review!" said everybody in unison.

**End mini fanmail.**


	38. The Rose Who Wanted To Fly

**Chapter 38: The Rose Who Wanted to Fly**

**Special thanks to a guy under the penname of Edenleo that I met on deviantart. After reading some chapters of this story, he started to draw some of its scenes. He already drew Miriam, Meg as death (flashback from chapter 10) and Peter as Solid Snake (flashback from chapter 11), and he plans to do more. You can check all of them in my deviantart gallery and my FF profile. Oh, and be sure to check his gallery too, since he's writing a promisingly good comic about Meg. Well, let's go with the chapter.**

Meg and Rosie were in the outskirts of Quahog, in a place where nobody would see them. And they didn't want to be seen because Daphne was training them in the arts of magic. After what happened the last week, Meg wanted her and her daughter to be prepared to face whatever may appear in Quahog.

"Okay girls, for your next exercise," said Daphne as she summoned a kettle and several cups. "You have to use your telekinesis for pour tea from this kettle into the cups. Rosie, you go first."

"Uh, question," asked Rosie as she raised her hand. "How the hell is pouring tea into a cup going to help us in combat?"

"Rosie, telekinesis requires a lot of concentration," explained Daphne. "These exercises require a lot of accuracy and effort to do them right. However, they will also help to sharpen your mind, thus you'll able to cast your spells easier and faster."

"Alright" sighed Rosie, as her eyes glowed blue, and poured the tea in the cups, without dropping a single bead out of them.

"Good job, Rose Mary" praised Daphne. "Meg, your turn."

Meg took a step forward. Daphne snapped her fingers, and a bunch of floating plates appeared above her.

"This is a test of accuracy," said Daphne. "Hit the plates with an elemental energy bolt using as few shots as possible."

"Hey, mom's lesson is much cooler than mine!" complained Rosie.

"Come on Rosie, don't be such a cry-baby," said Meg, getting ready for her lesson.

Meg finger gunned quick fire bolts that blasted the plates on almost the first shot. Meg then blew her finger like it was a gun, and smiled at her daughter and her teacher.

"Impressive" said Daphne.

"Thanks. I call this Fire Dart." said Meg.

"Now is your turn, Rosie" said Daphne, as she summoned a big boulder. "You have to keep this rock a meter above the ground with your powers during fifteen minutes."

"WHAT!?" screamed Rosie. "But that's really painful!"

"I know, but this exercise will help you to extend the time you can keep things on mid air," explained Daphne, but Rosie was still sulking.

Meg then looked at her clock.

"Uh, Daphne, can we stop the lesson for the time being?" asked Meg.

"Why?"

"It's almost time," said Meg in a very enigmatic way. Daphne gasped.

"Time for what?" asked Rosie, confused.

"For…nothing," said Daphne suspiciously. Then she summoned her broomstick. "Come on, I'll take you home."

Meg and Rosie got on the broomstick, and flew towards their house.

"These training lessons suck..." grumbled Rosie.

"Don't say that" said Meg. "Daphne puts a lot of effort on this."

"You say that because your trials rocked," reproached Rosie. "While mine sucked more than the way Mario gets his power ups and coins."

**Cutaway**

Mario is lying on the floor, unconscious. A goomba and a koopa troopa walk to him.

"Hey, what's wrong with this guy?" asked the goomba.

"It was bound to happen," said the koopa. "Bumping your head constantly against blocks of solid brick has really bad consequences."

"So, what do we do now?" asked the goomba.

"Let's call immigration," said the koopa as he pulled out a cell phone.

**End Cutaway**

"Well, I'm sure that, when we arrive home, you'll be more upbeat," said Meg, smiling.

"How can you tell?" asked Rosie.

"Oh, you may call it…mother's intuition," said Meg, still spotting that enigmatic smile.

"We've just arrived at your house, girls," said Daphne as she landed in front of the door, careful that nobody would see them.

"Uhm…Daphne, would you like to come in and…have a tea or something?" asked Meg.

"Sure, why not," said Daphne, who couldn't repress smiling at Rosie. Rosie glared at her, with an eyebrow raised.

They entered in the house, which to the toddler's surprise, it was dark.

"Hello?" asked Rosie.

Suddenly, the lights came on, and there was Rosie's family and friends.

"SURPRISE!" shouted everybody as confetti fell from the ceiling.

"Happy birthday, Rosie!" said Meg.

Rosie was amazed. With all the recent events, she just forgot that today as her first birthday, but apparently, their parents didn't. The house was decorated with balloons and a big banner that said 'Happy Birthday Rosie!'. The guests to the birthday party where her whole family, Bruce, Mrs. Lockhart, Sophie, Jillian, Kyle, Maya and the Spooner Street neighbours.

"I… don't know what to say" stammered Rosie, full of excitement.

"You don't have to say anything," said Matt as he held her in his arms. "Just enjoy the party!"

And so, the party started. Rosie played with the rest of the kids, while the adults had some drinks and snacks while chatting with each other. Suddenly, the doorbell rang, and Lois went to see who it was. To her surprise, there stood her parents.

"Mom! Dad!" said Lois as she hugged them. "It's so good that you came to Rosie's party. I was afraid that you weren't going to come."

"Oh, come on, we wouldn't miss our only granddaughter's birthday," said Babs.

"To think that I'm missing CSI for this…" grumbled Carter.

"Did you said something, dad?" asked Lois.

"Oh, nothing, honey, I was just thinking if Regina-"

"Rosie" corrected Lois.

"Whatever. Here's the present we bought her," said Carter as he pulled out a wrapped box, "Hope she likes it.,"

"Oh, I'm sure she will," said Lois. "Small kids like her find anything cool."

**Flashback**

Rosie is playing in the park. Suddenly, she sees a paper bag being dragged by the wind.

"Ohhhhhh," said Rosie in amazement. "I want it!!"

**End Flashback**

"Rosie, come here to see you great grandparents' present!" said Lois.

No need to say it twice, Rosie, like the toddler she is, rushed towards them in an attempt to catch the present, but Carter lifted it.

"Not so fast, little lady," said Carter cheerfully. "If you want this present, your grandpa must do something first."

"Dad, please…" begged Lois.

"Geez…what do you want?" asked Peter reluctantly.

"I lost my wedding ring, and I want you to find it" said Carter.

"Well, that doesn't seem hard," said Peter, more relieved.

"The ring is in this jar full of scorpions." said Carter as he pulled out said jar with the scorpions and the ring.

"Dad!" shouted Lois.

"Like hell I'm going to do that!" said Peter.

"Oh, will you deprive a little girl from her birthday present?" asked Carter in a fake melodramatic tone.

Peter looked at Rosie who was looking back at him with round, sad eyes.

"Okaaaaay…" said Peter while trying to pick the ring. "Ow! Ow! Ow! OWWWWWWWWWWW!!! Here it is…!" said Peter as he handed Carter the ring. His hand was swelled up and red due to the venomous stings.

"Dad, this time you went too far!" said Lois in disgust.

"See? It wasn't that hard," said Carter before handing Rosie her present. "Happy birthday, sweetie."

Rosie picked the present with a glee and opened it. It was an old dollhouse.

"So, do you like it?" asked Babs. "That dollhouse dates from the middle ages, and has been in my family for centuries, and now it's yours."

"It's cool," said Rosie, while smelling something. "But why does smell like a geriatric?"

"Rosie!" chastised Lois. "Don't say that!"

"I mean, thanks for the present, great grandma Babs," said Rosie. "It was worth of putting grandpa through all that pain."

"Good to know that," said Peter snidely, holding his hand in pain. "God, I won't be able to masturbate for months!"

"Come on Peter, let's get the first aid kit," said Lois as she and Peter left to the bathroom. Once there, Lois began to search through the first aid kit for something to cure Peter's infected hand.

"Lois, I'm tired that whenever I met your dad, he always has to go nasty on me," complained Peter. "And not nasty in a good or gay sense, but nasty in a Gigjsaw sense."

"I think that I should talk to him…" said Lois.

"Come on Lois, you should know that talking solves nothing!" said Peter angered. "You know what I should do? Sending an anonymous note asking him for a meeting at McDonalds and, when he less suspects, bump into him and beat him up!"

"Peter you can't- wait, why at McDonalds?" asked Lois.

"I like to go to McDonalds," said Peter. "After beating the crap out of him, I could order a hamburger and some French fries."

"Peter, just let it go," said Lois. "Violence doesn't solve anything."

"That's pretty easy to say for you to say," said Peter. "You don't know what is being hated by your father in law."

Lois gave him an annoyed look, while she raised an eyebrow.

"Okay, maybe you do know," admitted Peter. "But my dad is dead and you don't have to deal with him anymore! While he puts me through some kind of pointless crap! This is worse than that time I fought in the clone wars."

**Flashback**

We see Peter, dressed in Jedi fashion and holding a lightsaber, ready to fight General Grievous.

"Come on, General, even if you look totally badass and threatening with your four arms, we all know that you're a pathetic coward who can't even defeat the most inexperienced Jedi!" said Peter.

But Grievous just snickered.

"We're in the Clone Wars _cartoon_" said Grievous, ready to slaughter.

"Ohhhhhhhhhhh shi-"

**End Flashback**

"So, what can we do?" asked Peter. "It's not that we have a magic book that can wrap and twist the reality to bend it to the user's will"

"Well, actually…" said Lois, before thinking a moment. "Yeah, you're right, we don't have such a book."

Peter and Lois didn't show up for the rest of the party. Hours later, after Rosie opened all her presents, blew out her candles, and everybody got some cake, the party came to its end and everybody began to leave. When all the party guests left, Meg and Matt began to tidy up the house. However, there was still one guest. It was Daphne.

"Daphne?" asked Matt. "I don't want to be rude but…the party just ended."

"I know," said Daphne. "But I can't leave before giving Rosie her birthday present."

Rosie then appeared before them in a quick flash of light.

"Did I hear more presents?" asked Rosie, excited.

"Yes," said Daphne. "However, I couldn't give you it with all those people around. Here you go."

Daphne snapped her fingers, and summoned what it seemed a small broomstick.

"A broomstick?" asked Rosie in confusion.

"A _magic _broomstick," corrected Daphne. She tossed the broomstick, and stood there, floating in the middle air.

"WHOA!!" said Rosie in amazement. "That's the coolest present anybody's ever given me!!"

"Oh, really?" asked Matt, a bit upset. "Then you won't mind if we take back the Nintendo DS you cried and begged for, right?"

"...Second to coolest present." Rosie quickly rectified.

"Come on Matt, don't be such a nag. You must admit that there aren't very many things cooler than that." said Meg. "However, I'm not confortable with the idea of my one year old daughter flying around out there"

"You don't have to worry, since I shall teach her properly." said Daphne. "Oh, by the way, you also get a magic broomstick"

Daphne summoned a longer broomstick and gave it to Meg.

"Great!" said Meg, admiring her broomstick. "Now I won't need a car anymore!"

The very next day, the family is having breakfast while talking about the party, and specially, Meg and Rosie's flying broomsticks.

"…and Daphne said that she will teach us how to fly a broomstick today!" said Meg with a glee. "It isn't exciting?"

"As exciting as the last time I got to fight Aquaman." said Peter in disdain.

**Flashback**

In some dark alley, Peter, dressed as Black Manta, is about to fight Aquaman.

"Surrender, you fool!" said Peter. "We all know that you have now powers out of water!"

"Outrighteous! I can't believe that you don't know that this is Batman: The Brave and the Bold!" said Aquaman as he cracked his fists.

"Ohhhhhhhhhhh shi-"

**End Flashback**

"Well, can we go back to ME, please?" said Peter. "Well, Lois, last night I was thinking about your dad."

"WHOA! And they call _me_ gay!" said Stewie dryly.

"What about that?" asked Lois.

"Well, Lois, after several hours thinking, I came to something..." said Peter. "...Hot dogs look like penises"

Everybody stared at him in awkward silence.

"Finally!" said Chris. "I thought that I was the only one who realized that."

"Peter, what the hell has that to do with my dad?" asked Lois.

"Your dad? Why do you mention him?" asked Peter. "Oh, yeah, I just remembered something. Lois, remember that yesterday you told me that I couldn't do nothing regarding his animosity towards me because we don't have a magic book?"

"And…?" said Lois fearing the answer.

"Well, I realized that we DO have a magic book!" said Peter. "And that tricycle rhymes with testicle!"

Another awkward silence.

"Forget about it, dad, because I'm not going to let you use the spellbook again! Everytime you do, something horrible happens and I always have to fix it!" said Meg angrily.

"Come on Meg, think of my hapiness," said Peter. "You don't know what it's like to have a father in law that treats you like crap!"

"No, but I do know what's to have a FATHER that treats you like crap!" said Meg. "You're not going to use my book, period!"

"First of all, I already used the book to make Carter not hate me," said Peter.

"Peter!" shouted Lois, outraged.

"And second, hehehehehehehe, you said period!" laughed Peter in his typical moronic fashion.

"Peter, you can't use magic on another human being so recklessly!" said Matt. "Remember what happened with Sophie?"

"And what happened with Meg?" said Lois.

"Come on, what can go wrong?" asked Peter.

"Peter, you know that when somebody says that, something will go horribly wrong, right?" said Brian dryly. "But oh well, it's not like you follow my advice anyway.,"

"Well, I better get going," said Meg, getting up from the table. "Daphne is going to teach us how to fly. Come on, Rosie!"

Both Meg and her daughter left the house. Minutes later, the doorbell rang. Lois went to open, and there stood her dad again.

"Hello, Lois," said Carter in his trademark despiteful tone. "Is Peter here?"

"What do you want?" asked Lois bitterly. "It wasn't enough what you did yesterday, in the birthday of our only grandkid?"

"Well, that's why I'm here..." said Carter in a humble tone. "Last night I realized that I was really cruel to him. He's your husband, and I should accept it. That's why I want Peter to come with me to the Barrington Country Club and play some golf, and maybe we can have some drinks after that. What do you say, Peter?"

"Mmmmm…I don't know. What's the catch?" asked Peter.

"No catch," said Carter sincerely. "I just want to get along with my son in law."

"Okay, but you better don't try to do anything weird!" said Peter in a threatening way. "I won't keep my eyes off of you and... oh, look a bird!"

"Well, I'm glad that you finally came to your senses, dad," said Lois satisfied. "Have fun."

Lois closed the door while watching how her husband and father walked away together.

"Wow, that spell worked really fast," said Matt. "But what worries me most is that there doesn't seem to be a negative side effect."

"Well, since the day I met Peter, I worked really hard to make dad like him," said Lois. "And, if magic was necessary to do it, I'm glad that Peter and dad finally get along."

Meanwhile, on Quahog's outskirts, Daphne is about to teach her two pupils the art of flying.

"Okay, judging by those horrible witch movies, you may think that flying on a broomstick is pretty easy..." said Daphne. "...Well, it is. All that you have to do is get on it and concentrate. The broomstick will do the rest. Who want's to try first?"

"I will," said Meg, as she got on her broomstick.

"Now all you have to do is clear your mind and let your energy flow from your body through the broomstick," explained Daphne.

Meg cleared her mind of all the possible distractions and thought only in flying. She felt an air current surrounding her, and before she knew it she was several meters from the ground! She then grasped tightly the broomstick, trying not to fall.

"You're doing it great, Meg!" praised Daphne.

"T-thanks!" stammered Meg. "But now how do I get down?" asked Meg, who was each time further from the ground.

"That's easy. You only have to think in getting down. But remember, is very important to stay calm!" advised Daphne.

Meg tried to clear her mind again and focused on a soft descent. And, as expected, her broomstick began to descent slowly, until Meg reached the ground.

"Not bad for a first time," said Daphne before letting Meg to ask her impressions. "But with some practice you won't have any more troubles. Rosie, your turn."

Self confident, Rosie took a step forward and, just like her mom did before her, got on the broomstick and tried to clear her mind and focus on elevating. However, her broomstick suddenly shot off to the sky like a rocket, with Rosie on it.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!" screamed Roie. "Hey, I can see our house from here! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH"

"Rosie!" panicked Meg. And she freaked out even more when she saw her daughter slipping from the broomstick, falling to the ground.

Daphne quickly waved her hands and muttered a spell, making dozens of vines to grow form the ground, catching Rosie before her body smashed against the ground, and put her down gently.

"Rosie!" shouted Meg as she hugged her tightly.

"Mom…"cried Rosie, trembling. "I'm….I'm okay….I want to try again"

"Are you sure?" asked Meg.

"Yes" said Rosie, trying to sound sure.

However, Rosie's next attempts at flying weren't much better. When she controlled the height, she was unable to change the direction. Other times her broomstick simply went out of control and there was a time in which she couldn't even make her broomstick to fly.

"Let me try again," said Rosie

"Rosie, you tried a lot of times," said Meg. "I think that you should stop for the time being."

"But…!"

"Rosie, obey your mother," said Daphne. "You're too nervous, and you can't fly in that state."

"Alright…" said Rosie disappointed.

After the huge letdown the flying lesson turned to, Meg took Rosie home, where she barely opened her mouth or did anything during the rest of the day, much to her parents' concern. Later, during the dinner, Peter is talking about his day with Carter.

"God, I don't know why I haven't used this spell before," said Peter, showing a lot of enthusiasm. "It's so great that Carter doesn't hate me anymore."

"We're all happy for you, Peter," said Lois sincerely. "Too bad that I couldn't have the same relationship with your dad."

"Anyway, Carter is going to throw a small party on his yacht and he invited me," said Peter.

"That's great!" said Lois. "I always wanted to do something with my parents without any kind of bad vibes and…"

"Lois, Lois, Lois, Lois, Lois, Lois…" said Peter quickly. "I think that you didn't understand me. He invited _me_ to the party"

"Yeah, but Lois is your wife and his daughter," interjected Matt. "It's understood that she's invited too."

"Oh, no. He even told me not to bring her," laughed Peter. "You have no idea of how much that old guy hates Lois. I mean, half of our conversations are talking trash about her."

"What!?" asked Lois, astonished of what she was hearing. "That can't be true! Daddy loves me!"

"Riiiight Lois," chuckled Peter. "Anyway, we loves to share embarrassing moments of her life, like when she gave that false note when she was on the school talent show on seventh grade, all the kids laughed at her and then she ran away crying!"

"Daddy told you THAT!?" asked Lois, horrified. "But…but…that's…"

"Come on mom, I'm sure that dad is exaggerating," said Meg, trying to comfort her. "Talk with him and you'll see that it's not true."

"Meg, you're right," said Lois, more upbeat. "I'm going to go to that party with you. I can't believe that daddy invited you and not me, his own daughter!"

"Alright, then don't say I didn't warned you if they toss you off the ship," said Peter nonchalantly.

"Changing the topic, how was your day, Meg?" asked Lois.

"Well…not so good," said Meg to looking at Rosie out of the corner of her eye.

"What happened, then?" asked Matt.

"As you know, Daphne taught us to fly on a broomstick" explained Meg. "I did it fine, but Rosie has a lot of troubles, and I think that she's a bit sad because of that"

"Come on, Rosie, don't be so down for that," said Matt, in an attempt to cheer her. "You can always fly on Flare's back."

"Flare won't be able to carry me when I grow up," said Rosie. "Besides, every witch knows how to fly in a broomstick! It would suck being the only one unable to!"

"Well, maybe you're too young," said Matt. "And after some years you'd do it better."

"But Daphne said that I'm ready!" protested Rosie. "I should be able to fly just like mom!"

"Rosie, why don't you go up and get some rest?" asked Meg. "Meanwhile, I'm going to see if the spell dad cast on grandpa had some side effects."

"Fine…!" said Rosie before disappearing in a flash of light.

Rosie appeared in her room the next second. She climbed to her crib, and stayed there vaulted. Flare flew towards her and landed on the crib's edge, looking at his owner.

"Did you come here to remind me that you can fly and I can't?" asked Rosie, angered. "Get lost, you stupid bird!"

Flare let out a sad caw.

"Sorry Flare, I didn't mean it…" apologized Rosie. "It's that…well, mom and Daphne makes flying look so easy... it makes me feel like a stupid, not being able to."

Flare cawed again.

"No, thanks, I'm not in the mood for an air stroll," said Rosie with disdain.

"I always wondered if there was somebody more pathetic than Meg," said Stewie's voice from out of the room. "And the answer is somebody who can't do things she can."

"Oh, shut up, Stewie!" said Rosie as she shot him a small lightning. However, Stewie see it coming and dodged it effortlessly.

"Hey, relax, I didn't come here to delight in your misery," said Stewie.

Rosie just raised an eyebrow.

"Okay, I did come here to delight in your misery," admitted Stewie. "But I also came here to help you."

"Why would you help me?" asked Rosie.

"Because you're my niece, and I love you," said Stewie, but he saw that Rosie was staring at him again. "...Because experience taught me that pissed girls can be pretty insufferable, let not even say a magical powered girl"

"Okay, and how do you plan to help me?" asked Rosie. "Call me sceptical, but I don't think that you are too knowledgeable in broomstick flying."

"Oh, you'll be surprised" said Stewie. "The Fatman isn't the only one who 'borrows' the spellbook form time to time without your mother's consent."

"Okay, I have nothing to lose, so let's go with it," said Rosie.

Later in the backyard, Rosie was still trying to fly with no success. Stewie was watching and evaluating her tries.

"Yup, this is worse than I expected," said Stewie. "You're really lame."

"And you're not helping!" said Rosie in frustration.

"But I will. This is just part of the process," said Stewie. "Here, use this."

Stewie handed Rosie what it seemed to be a high technology device.

"What's this?" asked Rosie.

"An anti gravity device" said Stewie. "It will allow you to fly"

"But I want to fly using my broomstick, not that thing" said Rosie.

"Listen, this is like a bicycles' training-wheels," explained Stewie. "First you try to fly using this, then I'll deactivate it with a remote, and from then you'll try to do it alone."

"Okay, sounds good," said Rosie before attaching the anti gravity device to her dress.

With the device, Rosie had no problem. She could go in any direction she wanted, turn around, change speed and height, spin and even do some loops.

"I think that I'm ready to do it alone!" said Rosie.

"Okay," said Stewie, deactivating the device.

However, just in the first few minutes Rosie was flying alone, she lost the control of her broomstick and crashed against a tree. Stewie simply shrugged his shoulders.

"Well, I tried," said Stewie.

Hours later, Lois entered in the house, looking half pissed and half depressed, wearing a fancy dress that was oddly wet and covered in green algae. Meg was shocked to see her mom like that.

"Mom! What happened?" asked Meg.

"They tossed me to the sea!" said Lois, almost crying. "Dad kicked me out of his own boat, after telling me the most horrible things a father can say to his daughter!"

"Just like the things dad says to me?" asked Meg.

"Not that horrible," said Lois. "But still! I don't know what happened! I don't know what I did to make daddy hate me…"

"Mom, I think that I got the solution," said Meg. Lois looked at her expectantly. "Apparently, when you use magic to change someone's feeling towards anything, you don't change it, you just move it"

"So that means…?"

"That means that Grandpa didn't stop hating dad, but that the spell redirected Grandpa's hate from dad to you" said Meg.

"That's…horrible!" said Lois in disgust. "Can we reverse it?"

"Yes" said Meg. "However, the only way to undo this spell would be if Grandpa grew to hate dad again. Using the spell again would relocate Grandpa's hate randomly, and have bad consequences."

"Fine then. I'll talk to him when he arrives," said Lois, a bit more relieved. "If there's something your father is great at, it's pissing people off."

Right on clue, Peter came home, in a very cheerful mood, laughing.

"God, that was the best party ever!" said Peter. "Oh, hi Lois, how was the water? Hehehehehehehe!"

"Peter, we have to talk," said Lois seriously. She and Peter went to the kitchen.

After Peter and Lois left the living room, Rosie made her appearance. She had several bruises, her hair messed up, and her clothes were tattered.

"Hi, mom," said Rosie.

"Oh my God! Rosie! What happened to you?" asked Meg concerned. "Don't tell me that you tried to fly again!"

"Yes" said Rosie, almost in a whisper. "But I keep getting the same result."

"Rosie…" said Meg as she held her daughter between arms. "Why are you so hell bent on flying?"

"Because I want to be able to fly!" replied Rosie. "All witches can fly, and I don't want to be the exception!"

"Listen, Rosie, you should take it easy," said Meg, cradling her. "If you show an attitude like that, you'll never learn to fly properly."

"What?" asked Rosie in fear.

"Listen, I think that the reason you're constantly failing is that you're _afraid_ of failing," said Meg. "You fumbled at your first try, and that's undermining your confidence. Remember that Daphne told us that, in order to fly, we have to have clear minds, and you won't be focused if you're worried that you're going to fail."

"Maybe you're right, mom," said Rosie. "I…took this too far…I think I need some rest."

"I'm sure that tomorrow you'll feel better," said Meg.

Meanwhile, in the kitchen, Lois is telling Peter to undo the spell.

"Like hell I'm going to do it!" said Peter. "Do you know what I had to gone through thanks to that bastard?"

"Yes, but is MY father we're talking about!" replied Lois.

"Oh, it's MY father, who doesn't love ME, thus making ME feel sad and alienated!" said Peter. "Why don't you think of others for a change, Lois?"

"Peter don't you realize that you're pouring all the crap daddy gives you on me? Are you telling me that you're okay with passing your problems to your own wife as long as it makes you happy??" asked Lois, trying to strike some sense on him.

"Well, I think that it would be fair" said Peter.

Tears began to fill Lois' eyes.

"I don't know you anymore Peter! You're just a huge jackass!" said Lois, as she ran away crying.

"Yeah, ran away crying like you did on seventh grade!" said Peter. "Stupid woman."

Late that night, Peter begins to stir and mumble over his bed. He opens his eyes, and see that the bed is empty.

"Lois?" asked Peter. "Lois, where are you?"

Peter got dressed and went downstairs. There he saw Lois with a bunch of luggages.

"Lois, where are you going?" asked Peter.

"Far away from you!" said Lois. "Peter, I risked a lot in our marriage, but yesterday you showed me that you don't care about anybody but youself, and I don't think you love me anymore. That's why I'm getting a divorce and going to live with Quagmire."

"WHAT?" asked Peter in shock. "Wait, you said you're going far away from me, and Quagmire lives next door."

"Not anymore," said Lois. "We're going to elope to Hawaii."

"NOOOOOOOOO!!!!" yelled Peter.

"And I'm taking the kids with me," said Lois.

"NOOOOOOOOO!!!!" yelled Peter.

"And by the 'kids' I mean only Chris and Stewie. You'll be stuck with Meg," said Lois.

"**NOOOOOOOOO!!!!"** yelled Peter even louder. "Lois, please, don't go! I'll be a better husband, I swear!"

"It's too late for that, Peter" said Lois. "I'm sure that Quagmire will be a better husband than you have ever been. Goodbye, Peter"

"No, Lois, don't leave me…Lois!!" shouted Peter.

Peter then found himself on his bed in a cold sweat. It was early in the morning. When he realized that it was just a dream, he sighed in relief.

"Wow, thank god it was just a dream," said Peter, chuckling. "Lois, you're here and you'll never leave me, right?"

But much to his horror, Lois wasn't there. Seized with panic, Peter searched the whole house, without finding any trace of his wife. He later proceeded to wake up the rest of the family and told that Lois wasn't there.

"I can't believe that Lois left without saying anything," said Brian. "That's not like her to do that."

"Yeah, Lois has been angry before, and she didn't run away like this," said Peter.

"Angry? What do you mean?" asked Matt.

"He wanted me to revert that spell I cast on her father so he stops hating her instead of me, but I refused," said Peter.

"What?" asked Matt in disbelief. "So you didn't undo the spell?"

"Dad! How could you be such a jerk?" asked Meg angrily. "Do you know how much mom was suffering these last few days knowing that her dad hated her?"

"Lois, Lois, Lois, always Lois! What about me? Carter has been an ass towards me since the very first day I met him and I'm not going to go back to that," said Peter.

"You don't get it, do you?" asked Brian in a disappointed tone. "Peter, making other people miserable to make yourself happy is one of the worst things anybody can do!"

"And doing that to your own wife makes it even worse," said Matt in disgust.

"So, what you're trying to tell me is that…Lois left me because I kept putting my happiness above hers?" asked Peter.

"He shoots, he scores," said Brian dryly. "Well, let's hope it isn't too late."

"Damn, what have I done?" said Peter in horror. "I have to find Lois before it's too late! What if she decided to elope to Hawaii with Quagmire?"

"What?" asked Matt.

"Don't worry dad, we'll find her," said Meg.

"I'll ask Joe to help us," said Matt.

With this, all the family except Rosie and Stewie left the house.

"I can't stay here doing nothing while everyone looks for grandma" said Rosie. "What if something horrible happened to her?"

"Really? Oh, that would be great!" said Stewie.

"Okay, you aren't any help" said Rosie, going to the backyard. She then summoned her broomstick.

"What are you going to do?" asked Stewie. "You don't know how to fly yet."

Rosie ignored Stewie's words. She could only think in Lois. She was like a second mother to her, and she was determined to find her. Remembering Daphne's words, she cleared her mind out of any other thoughts, and focused on flying. Soon, the broomstick began to rise slowly. She was floating several meters above the ground.

"I did it! I'm flying!" said Rosie in joy. "Wait grandma, I'll find you!"

Rosie then shot off to the horizon, but this time she was able to control the flight.

Meanwhile, in an abandoned warehouse, Lois was sitting in a bunch of boxes, brooding.

"_I can't believe that I didn't realize of how much my marriage derailed until now,_" thought Lois. "_Brian always told me that I deserved something better than Peter, and I always ignored him. He's an horrible father and husband, yet I was always on his side…why, on first place? I should tell him about his behaviour long time ago…well, it's not that he'll pay attention to whatever I have to say…what should I do? Should I leave him?_"

"GRANDMA!!" shouted Rosie, who just entered in the warehouse, snapping Lois out of her thoughts.

"Rosie! What…what are you doing here?" asked Lois. "How did you find me?"

"I used a spell I created to cheat at hide and seek that let me know where a certain person is," said Rosie.

"Why are you here?" asked Lois.

"It isn't obvious? Everybody is looking for you. They're worried. Especially grandpa."

"Oh, I'm sure that that fat moron won't mind if something happens to me as long as he finds somebody willing to cook for him and have sex with him," said Lois dryly. "I mean, why would he care about me? All what I do is housework, take care of the children, do all the errands, and not even counting being a good wife! And how does he thank me? Being a total jackass!"

"No, you're wrong! Grandpa realized that what he did was wrong, and only wants you to come back home. He misses and appreciates you a lot."

"Really?" asked Lois, willing to believe what Rosie was saying.

"Yes, and not just grandpa. Mom, Chris, Brian…they miss you too," said Rosie.

"And Stewie?"

"Stewie…yeah, he misses you too," said Rosie.

Cut to the Griffin house, where Stewie is throwing a sexy party.

"The thing is, grandma, that you should come back," said Rosie. "You already made grandpa realize how important you are to him."

"Oh, Rosie" said Lois as she hugged her. "Sure, I'll come back."

Moments later, everybody is on the Griffin house, happy to see that Lois is finally back.

"Lois!" said Peter as he hugged her. "I'm so sorry! I was a total jerk to you. Will you forgive me?"

"Sure," said Lois. "But you know what to do first."

"You mean sex?" asked Peter. Everybody glared at him. "Just kidding!"

"Rosie, mom told me that you finally were able to fly!" said Meg. "How did you do it?"

"Oh, that was easy. Like you said, I was afraid of failing. I simply thought that if I failed, I could try again, no matter how many times it would take." Said Rosie.

"I'm so proud of you, my little witch," said Meg as she hugged Rosie.

In that moment, the doorbell rang. Peter went to open and it was Carter.

"Hello, my beloved son in law," aid Carter. "When you said that you have something important to tell me, I come here as fast as I could. What do you want?"

"Yeah. I wanted to tell you that you're an old, stinking rich bastard," said Peter completely serious.

"Peter, what are you saying? We're friends!" said Carter in shock.

"I don't want to be friends with somebody from the Jurassic!" said Peter. "Oh, look at me, I'm Carter Pieceofshit, I'm a million years old, and I'm rich! And I have a mustache that makes me look gay!"

"Peter, stop right now!" said Carter, who was starting to get angry.

"And for the last act…" said Peter before farting on Carter's face.

"What are you doing, you fat moron?" asked Carter in his habitual tone. "You idiotic fat dumbass! The thought of you having kids with my beloved daughter sickens me! I hope you die!" said Carter before storming off with a slam.

"And now Carter will hate me like he always does," said Peter a bit sad.

"Maybe, but tell me, Peter. Don't you prefer the love of your wife over the love of your father in law?" asked Lois sweetly.

"Yeah, Lois. I couldn't live without you" said Peter. "Although I'm going to miss being friends with Carter. But hell, having Carter as an enemy also has its good side!"

Later, Carter arrives at his house, pissed.

"You're back?" asked Babs. "While you were out, a package arrive for you."

"Really? Let's see what is it" said Cater. However, the moment he opened the package, it exploded in garbage and filth.

"Hehehehehehehe" laughed the voice of Peter from a recorder. "You suck, Meg- I mean, Carter!"

**End Chapter.**

**Mini Fanmail**

"Hello everybody" said Meg, who was sitting on the couch, looking at the camera, surrounded by her family. "The chapter ended, so it's now time for the fanmail!"

Meg opened the book, and several letters popped from it.

"Well, it seems that we have more letters this time" said Meg, satisfied. He then picked a letter an opened it. "Our first letter is from Hotstreak, and is addressed to Brian..."

_Hotstreak asks:_ _When is Brian gonna ask Jillian to marry him?_

"Well, I think is about time, but I don't want to marry Jillian until I have a job," said Brian. "If I'm going to become the head of a family, I want to support it too. However, I hope that we can marry before the story ends."

"Let's go to another question," said Meg, opening another letter. "This is from the story betareader, Tanadra, and is addressed to Rosie."

_Tanadra asks: YOU ARE SO CUTE! I have to ask, what do you think of Stewie?_

"Thanks for thinking that I'm cute," said Rosie, giggling. "Ander managed to draw me fairly good besides his poor drawing skills. And answering the question, well, it's hard to answer. Stewie is a very complx guy, and his mood varies quite often. Some times he's nice and cheerful, and the next minute he's violent and angry. But overall, I really like him and I think that is a good friend."

"I had the feeling that somebody already asked that," wondered Meg. "Anyway, here we have another letter from Rocket6923, and is for…Brian again..."

"Two letters in a row, this has to be my lucky day!" said Brian, happy.

_Rocket6923 asks: Why were you not an atheist in the episode If I'm Dyin', I'm Lyin'?_

"Well, that's going to be a long answer" said Brian. "First of all, because that was a season 2 episode, and I didn't become Macfarlane's mouthpiece yet, since I wasn't an atheist at the start. If you also are going to ask about me meeting God and Jesus, I'll answer saying that these beings only exists in the FG universe if it's funny for the episode. Whenever the writers need to deliver the 'Religion is Crap' message, then they don't exist"

"Nice explanation, Brian" said Lois. "Shall we go with another letter?"

"Sure" said Meg. "Our next question is from Bhaalspawn and is for…" Meg stood there in shock, silent.

"Who is that letter for?" asked Stewie, impatiently. "Please say it's for me!"

"…Miriam" said Meg.

_Bhaalspawn asks: How many pages does your spellbook have, and are any of them really evil curses or chaotic, destructive spells?_

Miriam then appeared in a burst of green flames. She glared at the Griffins coldly, and spotted a wicked smile.

"Before I died, the spellbook had more or less, 200 pages," said Miriam. "But actually it has more than 500, since the following owners of the book added their own spells. And yes, there are lots of evil and destructive spells there. Now it comes to my mind when my second boyfriend dumped me for the blacksmith's daughter…I created a curse that made him constantly throw up until he died…however, the curse then spread to the whole town and everybody died…it's so hilarious, don't you think so?" asked Miriam to the Griffins, who stood there petrified with fear after hearing such an horrible story.

"Y-yeah," stammered Peter. "That would teach him not to treat you like trash."

"Well, _au revoir!_" said Miriam, disappearing in a burst of flames.

"Our next letter is from Aldovas, and is for me," said Meg, reading the letter.

_Aldovas asks: are you afraid that your powers can destroy the humanity only for fear to lost your family?_

"Actually, no," said Meg. "I'm not powerful enough to destroy the humanity. And I know that I won't lose my family because they love me, right, folks?"

"...Yeah…" said Peter, unconvinced.

"And here is our last letter, from Satine89" said Meg. "And is for…"

"Me? Me? Me! Me! SAY IT'S FOR ME!!!" screamed Stewie.

"Matt!" announced Meg.

"Great, I have a letter!" cheered Matt.

_Satne89 asks: Do you ever feel out of place, being surrounded by magical beings while you have no powers?_

"Not at all," said Matt with a shrug. "If I was the only member of the family with no magic powers I would feel that way, but since only Meg and Rosie have powers, I don't feel out of place. I mean, look for example at Peter, Lois, or Brian. They haven't magic powers either. Besides, Meg let me to use the Spellbook whenever I want."

"What?" asked Peter, outraged. "She lets you use the book, but doesn't let me, her father, to use it?"

"That's because Matt has two things you lack," said Meg bitterly. "Sense of responsibility and most important, a brain."

"Well, that was all our mail for this chapter," said Rosie. "Hope to see more questions with your reviews. Oh, and if you want to piss Stewie off, don't send any letter for him. Goodbye!"

**End mini fanmail.**

_**Edited By Tanadra**_


	39. Meg's Knightmare

**Chapter 39: Meg's Knightmare.**

Night in Quahog. A cold wind blows, dragging several cans and pieces of papers. The wind began to blow stronger and in circles. Sparks of electricity began to fly out of nowhere. And finally, a portal opens. Several pieces of scrap fall from it. However, said pieces of metal didn't stay there, but began to come together, forming a humanoid being. The metallic creature looks around, and vanishes into thin air…

Meanwhile, far away from that place, in the Griffin house, Meg and Matt (in Meg's room) are getting dressed for a date and, for a change, Peter and Lois have to take care of Rosie.

"I don't remember the last time we went out," said Matt, dressing up.

"Well, between the school, our jobs, raising Rosie and the whole magical stuff, we've been pretty busy," said Meg, dressing up as well.

After dressing up and getting ready, they went downstairs, where they saw Peter and Lois watching TV, while Stewie and Rosie played with some toys.

"Okay, we are leaving," said Matt. "Rosie, don't give your grandparents a hard time, okay?"

"I won't promise anything," said Rosie nonchalantly.

"Mom, thanks again for taking care of Rosie," said Meg sincerely.

"Oh, it's all right," said Lois. "After all you've been through, I think that you need some time for yourselves"

"Well, goodbye!" said Matt as he and his wife left the Griffin home.

Taking Matt's motorbike, they went to the fancy restaurant named _Les Pantalons Fancies_, after ordering, they started to talk.

"I don't remember the last time we went out," said Matt.

"Me neither," said Meg. "That's why I'm going to enjoy this night out as much as I can."

"Meg, I've been thinking," said Matt.

"Yes, dear?" said Meg.

"You just left the spellbook in your room unguarded," said Matt. "And your dad might use it for his shenanigans."

"Oh, I don't think so," said Meg, smiling. "I came up with the ultimate security system."

**Cutaway**

In Meg's room, Peter is going through Meg's stuff, looking for the spellbook.

"Alright, now that Meg is out and Lois is busy watching Rosie, I have a chance to use the spellbook, and with it, I'll make all the earth's women look like Jenna Jameson!"

Peter finally finds a strongbox that, apparently, has the spellbook in it.

"Damn!" cursed Peter. "Wait, maybe Meg wrote down the password," said Peter before searching again, and finding a post it. "Alright, here it is!"

_Password for the spellbook strongbox: My birthday_

"DAMN!!" shouted Peter in frustration.

**End Cutaway**

The waiter came with their food. Meg and Matt continued their conversation.

"This night is so perfect," said Matt. "Just you and me… and no kids… or your dad screwing things up…"

"And this food isn't bad at all," said Meg "I can't wait for the dessert."

"Oh, I can give you another dessert," said Matt, spotting a sly smile. Meg then felt that Matt was rubbing his foot against her legs. Meg couldn't repress a gleeful moan.

"Matt, stop!" said Meg, but Matt didn't stop.

"Why? Don't tell me you don't like it!" said Matt, still grinning.

"Oh, I do like it," said Meg. "But this isn't place for doing that"

"Then we can fix that," said Matt, pleased. "How about if we go to a movie, for a midnight show?"

"I love your ideas," said Meg. "You now what? Forget about dinner. And the movie. Let's take the motorbike and find a dark place!"

Being barely able to repress their lust, Matt and Meg paid the check and got on Matt's motorbike, in order to find a place where they could satisfy each other. However, Matt then noticed something weird.

"Uh, Meg… what time is it?" asked Matt.

"11:25 pm," said Meg. "Don't worry, Mom and Dad said that we could come back as late as we wanted."

"It's not that," said Matt. "Haven't you realized that the streets are…too empty? I mean, is Friday night, people usually hang out at this hour."

"Now that you say it…yeah, this looks weird," said Meg.

Suddenly, they were both blinded by a bright light. Meg was able to see what was generating that light.

"Watch out! There's a medieval knight in front of us!" yelled Meg in horror.

"What!?" asked Matt in shock. However, Matt was able to see that Meg was right. There was a medieval knight…driving a yellow Hyundai. It was the black knight. Matt was able to dodge it at the last second. The black knight honked his car's horn.

"Learn to drive, you moron!" shouted the Black Knight.

"Shut up! I'm not the one using the headlights on high in a city!" yelled Matt back.

"Calm down sweetie, he's just a jerk," said Meg. "Watch out! There's yet ANOTHER medieval knight in front of us!"

Just like Meg said, there was an armoured knight in front of them. However, this knight had an eerie white glow surrounding his armour. Matt wasn't able to turn around in time, but instead of crashing against the knight, he just phased through it.

"What the hell?" asked Matt in shock.

The knight turned around to see the surprised couple.

"Yes! Two more souls to increase my army of undead!" said the knight.

"Who… or what are you?" asked Meg.

"I'm… the Doom Knight!" said the Knight as a thunder clapped. "I've been prisoner in a magical vortex for many centuries, but now I'm free! And with the help of the souls I collected, I'll reopen it again!"

"Crap, another magical weirdo!" said Meg. "Why can't I do normal things without weird stuff happening?"

**Flashback**

In the Quahog local church, Rosie is being baptized.

"Mom, I'm scared," said Rosie in a whisper. "What if something happens?"

"Don't worry, sweetie," said Meg. "Even if holy water temporary prevents us from using magic, Daphne assured me that nothing bad can happen."

The priest then pours some holy water over Rosie's forehead, finishing the rite…and nothing happens.

"See?" said Meg. "There's nothing to worry about."

Suddenly, the church's stained glass window breaks apart and Peter, in a motorcycle, burst into the church, much to everybody shock and horror.

"PETER WHAT THE HELL!?" shouted Lois.

"See? I've just did a Resident Evil 2 scene!" laughed Peter idiotically.

**End Flashback**

"Doom Knight or not, you ruined my night out!" complained Meg. "And nobody ruins my night's out!"

"Oh, and what are you going to do about it, homely woman?" asked the Doom Knight.

"How about THIS!" said Meg as she blasted a pink energy beam at him. The blast knocked him back.

"A witch," said the knight, almost unimpressed. "Excellent! Instead of turning you into a ghost, I'll kill you and take your powers away!"

"Just try it!" said Meg. Before the fight started, she turned to her husband. "Matt, you should go away. This is going to look bad"

"I want to help!" said Matt.

"I know," said Meg gently. "But there's nothing you can do. And I don't want you to be in danger."

Matt muttered something, but decided to swallow his pride and listen to his wife. He started his motorbike.

"Don't worry, this won't take long," assured Meg.

"Ready to face your destiny?" asked the knight.

"Wait," said Meg. Meg then snapped her fingers, and she was bathed by a pink flash. When the light went away, her clothes changed: she was now wearing typical witch clothes composed by a black and pink sleeveless dress that went down her knees, black boots, black and pink gloves, a black belt, and a black and pink witch hat.

"Now I'm ready," said Meg, in a fighting stance, her hands glowing pink.

"Behold my amazing powers!" said the Doom Knight as he raised his arms.

A storm cloud developed over his head, sparkling with electricity, growing until it was as big as a bus. The cloud flew over Meg and began to unleash lightning upon her. However, Meg was able to cast an energy bubble around her that guarded her against the electric bolts. While resisting the cloud's attacks, Meg looked around her, and saw a bunch of trashcans. While channeling the protective shield, she used her telekinesis to throw the trashcans at the over confident Doom Knight. The trashcans crashed against the knight, producing a metallic sound. The storm cloud disappeared, and Meg deactivated her shield.

A blast of energy sent the trashcans away, showing the disassembled pieces of his armour. However, he reformed again, much to Meg's annoyance.

"You have interesting abilities, witch," said the knight. "But your petty powers won't save you from the Doom Knight!" said the knight, as a thunder clapped.

"I don't care if you're the Doom Knight-," said Meg, but she was interrupted by another thunder. "Doom Knight?" asked Meg, and another thunder clapped.

"Cool, huh?" asked the knight. "You can't get one of those nowadays"

"Weird…" said Meg.

"Now, you'll face the horrors of my newly recruited army of ghosts!" said the knight while summoning a bunch of ghosts of fallen people.

"You know, those ghosts don't look scary," said Meg unimpressed.

"Do you think so?" said the knight. "Because those are ghosts of one of the most horrific men in your world: hawkers!"

"No!" yelled Meg.

"Get her, guys!" commanded the knight, and the ghost salesmen surrounded Meg and began to smother her with their products.

"What insurance do you have?" asked a ghost. "Because I can get you a better one!"

"Look! I'm selling DVD series' from the 80's that nobody remembers now!" said another one. "Like Knight Rider and Married with Children!"

"Ignore him!" said another one. "I'm selling air conditioners! I know that we're on winter, but what if a heat wave nobody would predict suddenly happens?"

"Stop! I don't want to buy anything!" cried Meg. "And I don't have cash!"

"Don't' worry, we accept credit cards!" said the ghost hawkers in unison.

"AAAAAARRRGHHH!!" screamed Meg.

Suddenly, the ghosts disappeared, much to Meg's relief, but her cheer ended as soon as she was hit with a white blast of energy, knocking her several meters backwards.

"What do you think of my powers now?" asked the Doom Knight.

"I'm not beaten yet!" said Meg, getting up on her feet again. She then raised her hand and said: "Magic broomstick!"

As expected, her magic broomstick appeared in her hand from thin air. She got on it, and flew over her enemy, who still looked unimpressed. However, since the Doom Knight didn't have any face, she couldn't tell.

Meg's hands began to glow pink again, and fired a quick succession of pink rays of energy at the Doom Knight. The armoured ghost answered with another array of ectoplasmic lightning, but since Meg was in the air, it was easier for her to dodge. The ghost knight decided to flee.

"Yes! Run!" said Meg, triumphal. "That is what happens when you mess with Megan Griffin! Well, technically, everybody who messed with me got away with it while all I could do was cry in my bed, but not anymore! So this is what happens since I got magic powers!"

Meg chased her foe through the empty streets of downtown Quahog until she cornered him in a blind alley.

"You've lost, ghost!" said Meg. "Hey, that rhymed!!" laughed Meg.

"I don't think so," said the Doom Knight as he phased through the wall.

"Rats!" cursed Meg. "I should have seen that!"

Meg then flew in circles in order to spot her adversary. Since she was too high to spot anything in the dark, she lowered until she was closer to the ground.

"Where are you, you pile of scrap?" asked Meg, looking frenetically around. "I know, I can use my extrasensory powers!"

Meg closed her eyes and put her hands onto the sides of her head. Suddenly, her mind was beholding events in the near future. However, what Meg saw was the Doom Knight phasing from the ground and smacking her off of her broomstick.

Meg opened her eyes, and saw the Doom Knight, phasing from the ground, smacking Meg off of her broomstick. "Haha! You're not a rival for the Doom Knight!" said the knight, but nothing happened. "I SAID the Doom Knight!" said the knight, and a thunder clapped. "Much better."

"I'm going to need something more…powerful to beat him," said Meg to herself. Her hands began to glow pink, but the pink glow quickly turned into fire. Meg then began to shoot waves of fire at her enemy, but the knight simply summoned a shiny shield. The fireballs bounced back at Meg upon contacting the magical shield, much to her horror. She recast her protective shield, but she was now too exhausted, and the fireballs broke it. Meg fell on her knees, tired of fighting.

"Will you surrender now?" asked the knight.

"This isn't over, you pile of scrap!" said Meg in frustration.

Meg then called back her magic broomstick as fast as she could, got onto it, and flew away, back home.

The next day, Meg is talking with her family about the last night's turn of events.

"God, that guy was really tough," said Meg. "After all the spells I've learned and the training Daphne put me through, I can't believe that I lost!"

"Maybe you should learn new spells," suggested Brian. "I'm sure that there are many things of the book that you haven't seen and may be useful."

"Or get some help," said Lois. "Why don't you ask Daphne for help?"

"She's not here," replied Meg. "She's gone to Scotland for a few weeks to visit her family."

"I'll help you, mom," offered Rosie.

"My brave, little daughter," said Meg gently as she held her between her arms. "Thanks, but that knight is too much for you, and it would be very irresponsible to let you fight him."

"But what are you going to do then?" asked Rosie.

"I'll try to find new spells in the book," said Meg. "Who knows, maybe I'll find something useful, like that spell that turns wood into cheese"

**Flashback**

We see James Woods, who is entirely made of cheese, running away from a horde of mice.

"Get away from me!" screamed woods. "Go work for Disney!"

**End Flashback**

Meg spend the rest of the day in her room studying new spells for her upcoming rematch against that ghost knight, but her concentration was soon to be interrupted.

"Meg?" asked Matt. "Can I come in?"

"What do you want? I'm a bit busy right now," said Meg, trying not to sound rude.

"I was thinking that learning new spells may not be enough against this guy," said Matt.

"So, what do you suggest?" asked Meg.

"You should get some help," answered Matt.

"And who's going to help me?" asked Meg. "You?"

"I can't see why not," replied Matt.

"You're kidding me, right?" asked Meg, surprised. "I mean, no offence, but how can you help me? You have no magic powers."

"Then you should give me magic powers, then," said Matt nonchalantly.

"Come again?" asked Meg.

"Come on, I know that you can use the spellbook to give anybody superpowers.," said Matt. "You did it before with your family"

"Yes, but…" stammered Meg. "It can be dangerous. And I won't forgive myself if something happens to you."

"Stop worrying about me so much," replied Matt, annoyed. "If you give me powers, I'll be able to help you and defend myself from any magical freak."

"I don't know…" said Meg, still unsure.

"Come on Meg, stop worrying about everybody!" said Mat. "Why can't you trust me? There's nothing to fear if you give me magic powers."

"Alright, you convinced me," said Meg, casting aside her worries. "I'll give you powers right now."

"Excellent!" said Mat. "You and me, fighting together! We will be like those famous battle couples Like Mulan and Shang! Like Will Turner and Elizabeth Swann! Like Aang and Katara!"

"And Like Kim Possible and Ron Stoppable!" said Meg.

"Uh… no, just no," said Matt in a deadpan tone.

Moments after Meg infused Matt with magic powers, Lois burst into their room.

"Meg!" shouted Lois. "You have to come down and see this!"

"What's going on, mom?" asked Meg. "Is it that knight again?"

"Yes," said Lois. "But you should see it by yourself"

Meg and Matt went down to the living room, when the rest of the family was watching the news.

**Cutaway to TV**

"Hello, I'm the ghost of Tom Tucker," said Tom, who was now a ghost.

"And I'm the ghost of Diane Simmons," said ghost Diane.

"On our local news, a mysterious knight arrived Quahog and is turning it's citizens into ghosts, like us," said Tom.

"However, we don't complain about it," said Diane. "In fact, we're now much happier than when we were alive, right Tom?"

"Right Diane," said Tom. "Besides, I'm sure that now you have no body, nobody will call you cow anymore"

"Too bad that even though you're a ghost, you still look like a queer with that mustache Tom," said Diane bitterly.

"We will talk about this later, cow," said Tom. "Now we go to our Asian reporter Tricia Takanawa who is interviewing the Knight in question. Tricia?"

"Tom, I'm here with the Doom Knight," said Tricia, and a thunder clapped. "Sir, now that you turned half of the Quahog population into ghosts, what do you plan to do now?"

"I plan to open a gate to a magic vortex where I've been trapped countless years," said the knight. "Once I open it, the world will change and will be like before"

**End Cutaway**

"Do you think that the gate he's talking about is…?" asked Matt.

"Yes," said Meg. "The gate that Sophie almost opened."

"Wonder what's with that gate," said Matt.

"I don't know, but it seems to be something bad. Something really bad," said Meg.

Meanwhile, in downtown Quahog, the Doom Knight is setting some kind of ritual to access the magisphere, the place where the mysterious gate is.

"Excellent," said the Doom Knight. "Soon the gate will be opened again, and the world will go back like it was before, like it should be. HAHAHAHAHAHA! And I love to monologue, even if there's nobody else to hear me!"

The knight then pulled out a candle, put it on the floor, and lit it. The candle emitted an eerie blue light.

"Now, Light of Revelation, show me the place in which the rift was formed!" chanted the knight.

"Not so fast, you pile of scrap!" said Meg, flying above him in her broomstick.

"You again? You're really persistent, but that attitude will led to your death," said the Knight. "By the way, you should find a new insult. 'Pile of scrap' is really wearing thin."

"I never had too much imagination for insults, since I'm usually on the receiving end," said Meg. "Anyway, things will be different now!"

"Oh, really?" said the knight in a mocking tone. "And why do you think that?"

"Because this time she's not alone!" said Matt in an over the top way, coming from a nearby alley. He was wearing a white jumpsuit with a small tornado as a chest insignia, dark blue gloves and dark blue boots. He kinda looks like Danny Phantom with opposite colours.

"I'm the White Whirlwind!" said Matt. "The master of winds, lord of hurricanes and definitely NOT a Red Tornado rip-off"

"White Whirlwind?" asked Meg, confused.

"Yeah, it's my superhero name," said Matt. "And it has illiterative appeal!"

"And how did you come with a superhero costume that matches your powers so fast?" asked Meg.

"Does it matter?" said Matt, annoyed. "There's an undead knight in front of us ready to unleash untold horrors upon our world through that gate."

"Oh yeah, sorry," said Meg. "Okay, get ready for round two, metal jumble! How about that?"

"Seriously, can't you come up with anything better?" said the knight. "You know what? Forget about it, I'll just kill you right now."

"I don't think so!" said Matt as he channelled a powerful cyclone through his arm at the Doom Knight, hurling him against a wall. The hit also made the knight collapse into pieces, but said pieces suddenly reformed again.

"Is that the best you can offer, kid?" asked the knight.

"Uh… no?" asked Matt.

"Don't let him to intimidate you, Matt!" said Meg. "He isn't as strong as he looks!"

"Oh, you'll pay for saying that," said the knight. "Army of ghosts!"

"Oh no! Those annoying ghosts again!" said Meg in frustration.

A bunch of female ghosts dressed in a formal way appeared in front of the knight.

"Okay, that wasn't what I expected," said Matt.

"Another horror from your age," said the knight. "These women are perfume clerks! Get them, girls!"

The female ghosts surrounded Matt and began to spray their many perfumes on him.

"Smell this!" said a ghost. "It's called Desert Breeze!"

"Or this!" said another one. "It's Touch of Snow!"

"No, try Ocean of Pleasure instead!" said another one.

Matt was trying to defend himself, but the massive perfume sprayed on him didn't let him breathe. Fortunately, Meg blasted the ghosts with a bunch of fireballs.

"Thanks Meg!" said Matt.

"It's alright," said Meg.

"Okay, let's get serious!" said the Knight as he pulled out a really long ghostly sword. "Look at the legendary Sword of Despair, and despair!"

"That's a very long sword," said Matt. "Are you compensating for something?"

"Of course not! And now you'll pay for questioning my manliness!" said the knight, offended.

The knight then waved his sword, sending a devastating shockwave at them. Matt used both hands to create a bigger tornado and counter his attack. When both attacks collided creating a huge explosion. Meg took advantage of this and shoot pink balls of energy at her foe, but he used his sword to deflect them, Jedi style. The knight summoned another, bigger storm cloud that cast lightning at Meg. Matt used his wind powers to dissipate the cloud.

The knight then phased through the ground, disappearing from sight.

"Did he flee?" asked Matt.

"No, he's want to take us by surprise," said Meg.

"What are we going to do?" asked Matt.

"We can only wait…" said Meg.

However, the waiting soon came to an end when the Doom Knight reappeared behind her, ready to slice her in two.

"Meg, watch out!" yelled Matt as he fired a tornado at her. Meg was able to dodge the tornado in time, not so much the ghost knight, who was hit by the attack in its full force, making him crumble. However, he reassembled in no time. The Doom Knight then stabbed his sword on the ground, sending another shockwave on energy that Meg and Matt barely dodged. He vanished into thin air again.

"He's too strong," said Matt. "I can't see how we can defeat him."

"We can't kill him, that's for sure. No matter how much damage he takes, he'll reassemble" lamented Meg. "If we can send him back where he came from, or at least send him far away…"

"Hey, that's it!" said Matt. "I know how can we get rid of him!"

"Really?" asked Meg.

"Yes," assured Matt. "But you have to do whatever I say."

"What if it doesn't work?" asked Meg.

"Meg, please, trust me!" begged Matt. "You're not alone in this."

"Okay," said Meg. "I'll do whatever you say."

"Let's be careful," said Matt. "And watch our backs."

The ghost knight reappeared behind Matt, ready to stab him. Meg was quick enough to cast a protective shield around him.

"How much longer will you keep fighting?" asked the knight. "I can see that you're exhausted."

"Meg, attack him!" said Matt.

Meg fired bolts of energy at the knight, but he deflected them again. However, that's what Matt expected. Right after that he cast a tornado aimed at the hand holding the sword, which inevitably flew out of his hand.

"Meg, destroy his sword!" said Matt.

Meg shot a fireball at the sword, blowing it into pieces.

"NO!" yelled the knight. "The symbol of my male insecurity!"

Matt took advantage of his grief and hit him with another tornado, crumpling him (once again) to pieces.

"Meg, quickly, before he reassembles again! Lock him up in a force field!"

"Alright!" said Meg, doing so.

Matt then grabbed the force bubble with a tornado, and swung it with all his strength, until he gained so much momentum that he tosses the pile of metal pieces into the sky and to outer space. Meanwhile, all the people the Doom Knight turned into ghosts returned back to normal.

Meg, full of joy, rushed towards her husband and hugged him tightly.

"Matt! You did it!" said Meg.

"We did it," corrected Matt. "We're a team. And I'm glad that you decided to trust me."

Meg stopped hugging Matt when he noticed something in the ground. It was a candle.

"Matt, look," said Meg, picking up the candle. "What's this?"

"I don't know," said Matt. "But, apparently he was going to use it to open that gate"

"I'd better keep it," said Meg. "This may be useful."

"Well, so now what?" asked Matt.

"How about if we resume our night out the very same moment we were interrupted?" suggested Meg, smiling gently.

"Did I say how much I love you?" asked Matt.

"Yes," said Meg. "But that never gets old."

Matt and Meg then hugged together, and shared a long, passionate kiss.

Meanwhile, in the outer space, still near the Earth, the Doom Knight reassembles again.

"Curse you, Meg Griffin," said the knight in anger. "You win this time, but you can't kill me! I'll be back for my revenge! I'm immortal! I'm indestructible! I'm..!"

Suddenly, a meteor hit him interrupting his gloating. and shattered him into pieces (again).

"Argh…" sighed the Doom Knight, as he slowly began to reconstruct himself…only to be hit by another meteor.

**End Chapter.**

**Mini Fanmail**

"Hello everybody," said Meg, who was sitting on the couch, looking at the camera, surrounded by her family. "The chapter ended, so it's now time for the fanmail!"

As usual, Meg opened the book, and several letters popped from it.

"Our first letter is from Malcolm Fox," said Meg. "And it's for Daphne."

A green light filled the room, and Daphne appeared from nowhere.

"Somebody wants to ask me a question! How exciting!" said Daphne with a glee.

_Malcolm asks: since you're a witch, have you been alive for centuries? If so, have you met Miriam and her sisters personally?_

"No, I'm just 187 years old," said Daphne. "For witches' standard, I'm pretty young. So I've never met Miriam and her sisters personally when they were alive. Besides, who would like to meet such a trio of psychos?"

"I like Jeanne," said Jillian. "We have a lot in common."

"And Lois could learn a thing or two from Lorraine when it comes to sex," said Peter.

"WHAT?" roared Lois.

"Next letter, please!" said Peter in fear.

"Here we have a letter from FreezeXtreme," said Meg. "And it's for Stewie!"

"FINALLY!" shouted Stewie.

_FreezeXtreme asks: Why don't you invent a machine that can suck energy out of a magical being to trap Meg, Flare and Rosie, suck their energy, and then kill Lois very brutally?_

"Because that would be mean!" said Stewie in fake offence. "I mean, why I would suck the powers of my beloved sister and niece and use them to kill my mother?" said Stewie as he crumpled up a bunch of papers with the instructions to build said machine and tossed them away.

"Here we have another letter, from B Guy," said Meg, opening the letter. "And it's for Stewie again"

"Yes!" shouted Stewie. "Popularity shall be mine!"

_B Guy asks: How does it feel to not be the main character in Family Guy stories but still the main character in the show?_

"Well, there are quite a few stories based on me, which are also popular although not so…outstanding," said Stewie. "So it's okay."

"Here we go to our next letter…," said Meg, opening the letter.

"Haha!" laughed Stewie at Rosie. "Somebody asked me a question, but there isn't questions for you or your mother," said Stewie, triumphant. "In your face, you sea cow offspring!"

"The next letter is from Hotstreak and it's for me!" cheered Meg.

"Damn!" said Stewie.

"Oh, and for Rosie too," said Meg.

"Double damn!" cursed Stewie.

_Hotstreak asks: Dear Meg now that your learning to control your power's better do you think you and Roise will be able to stop whatever it is behind that gate?_

"I hope so," said Meg. "Otherwise we'd be screwed."

"However, we're going to have some help," said Rosie.

"Our next letter is from Loessar," said Meg. "However, Loessar sent several questions instead of one, so we only will answer one of them. Let's pick the question for mom."

_Loessar asks:_ _Congratulations on owning your own business. How does it feel to be your own boss?_

"It feels great," said Lois in joy. "Knowing that I don't have to answer to anybody, and that I can run my business as I want. However, I still look for the best for my employees and my customers."

"And let's go with our last letter," said Meg. "It's from Rocket6932, and it's for Brian."

"I'm starting to like this guy," said Brian, flattered.

_Rocket6923 asks: In the most recent episode of Family Guy I saw, Quagmire brutally insulted you. Do you think The Spellbook version of yourself has any of those flaws that Quagmire mentioned?_

"Yes and no," said Brian, much to everybody's confusion.

"Brian, I think that you should clarify," suggested Lois.

"What I mean is that yes, I share many of the flaws my canon counterpart has, unfortunately," explained Brian. "However, in this story, the universe doesn't bend to my will, so I must learn to overcome these flaws in order to earn my peer's sympathy. However, there is a flaw that I don't share with my canon counterpart, for which I'm grateful to Ander for removing it: my inability to hold a relationship. Is so great to finally have a permanent girlfriend. And knowing how much Ander loves Jillian and our relationship, she wouldn't dump me."

"Thanks for sharing your thoughts, Brian," said Meg. "Well, these were all the letters. See you on the next chapter!"

**End mini fanmail.**

**Betaread by Tanadra  
**


	40. Trading Roles

**Chapter 40: Trading Roles**

**A/N: So, here is the first chapter of the new year and the new decade. Credit goes to Loessar for the idea of this chapter. Special thanks to a friend of mine who betaread this chapter and helped me with Lois' bisexuality scenes. As always, reviews are very appreciated. Hope you like it. **

Sunday afternoon. Peter, Matt, Chris and Brian are in the living room watching TV and talking.

"Okay, another one," said Peter. "Beyoncé or Shakira?"

"Hotness-wise or voice-wise?" asked Matt.

"What a stupid question, hotness-wise, of course!" said Peter, annoyed. "Who cares about a woman's voice as long as she's hot?"

"Sorry, I just forgot that you married Lois," said Matt dryly, but Peter didn't catch his drift.

"Beyoncé," said Chris.

"Beyoncé," said Brian.

"Shakira," said Matt.

"What!?" asked Peter in shock.

"Come on! You prefer Shakira over Beyoncé?" asked Chris, surprised.

"Do you find so weird that I think that Shakira looks better than Beyoncé?" asked Matt.

"Honestly, yes," said Peter. "Because Shakira doesn't look better than Beyoncé. I mean, have you seen her hips?"

"Sure I did," said Matt. "That's why I find her much hotter"

"Besides, Beyoncé is thinner," pointed out Brian. "And Shakira's hips would be more arousing if she wasn't so short."

"There isn't anything bad about being short," countered Matt. "In fact, short girls are really cute."

"You say that because Meg is short, right?" said Brian with a sly smile.

"Oh, please don't tell me that you're comparing MEG with SHAKIRA!" retorted Peter, laughing his ass off. "You've got have to be kidding me!"

"I'm not comparing them," said Matt, remaining oddly calm. "But they both have some qualities that I find very attractive."

"In other words: you like fat chicks!" teased Chris. "Matt likes fat chicks!"

"Oh, you're not the one to talk about fat people," said Matt.

"Matt like fat chicks!" teased Peter in unison with his son.

"Shut up!" shouted Matt, who unwittingly cast a tornado at Peter and Chris.

The tornado swallowed Peter and Chris; however, it also swallowed furniture and other stuff. When Matt realized of this stopped his attack, but it was too late. He ravaged practically the whole living room… oh, and Peter and Chris.

"Do it again!" laughed Chris afterwards, in a childish manner while clapping.

"Matt, you shouldn't have done that," said Brian, coming out from under at chair.

"Oh, crap, look at this!" said Matt in horror. "And Lois went to pick up Meg and Rosie from their training session! They'll be here any minute!"

Suddenly, somebody opened the door. It was Lois, Meg, and Rosie.

"Hello everybody..." said Lois, before watching seeing the house's state. "Peter, what the hell happened here!?"

"Hey, why do you think it was me?" asked Peter, offended. "Okay, in this kind of situation I'm usually the culprit, but it was Matt! Just him and nobody else!"

"You backstabber!" shouted Matt.

"Matt, it's that true!?" asked Meg, disappointed.

"Uhh… kinda… but it was an accident!" said Matt.

"Accident or not, look at this mess," said Lois. "How the hell are we going to tidy this up?"

"Don't worry Mom," said Meg. "Leave it to me. There's no mess that magic can't fix."

Meg then sat down in the lotus position, and closed her eyes. She began to channel magic energy, that flew from her body through the whole room, repairing everything that Matt broke and putting everything in its right place. After a few seconds, the living room looked like Matt had never cast a tornado indoors.

"Thanks, Meg," said Lois, relieved to see the living room almost intact.

"No problem. I'll always use my powers to help," said Meg before going upstairs.

Lois thought for several minutes. She then decided to finally go to Meg's room and ask Meg for it.

"Meg?" asked Lois.

"Yes, mom?" replied Meg.

"After seeing you using magic to tidy up the living room… well, you made it look so easy…" said Lois, unsure. "What I wanted to ask you is… if you could give me magic powers."

Meg frowned a bit.

"I don't know…" replied Meg.

"Come on Meg!" begged Lois. "Do it for your mother. Housework would be much easier if I had magic powers. Sometimes I have a harder time than Samuel L. Jackson had filming the Star Wars prequel."

**Flashback**

They're filming a scene from _Attack of the Clones._

"I will _not_ let this Republic that has stood for a thousand years be split in two! My negotiations will not fail,." Said Ian McDiarmid, as Chancellor Palpatine.

"If they do, you must realize that there aren't enough mothafu(bleep)kin' Jedi to protect the mothafu(bleep)kin' Republic. We're keepers of the mothafu(bleep)in' peace, not mothafu(bleep)in' soldiers. Got that?" said Samuel Jackson, impersonating Mace Windu.

"Cut! Cut!" said Lucas annoyed as he walked to Samuel. "Samuel, we talked a lot about this, you can't say _that _word! Kids are going to see this movie!"

"Come on! They're going to see mothafu(bleep)kin' children dying in the next mothafu(bleep)kin' movie, but you care more about my mothafu(bleep)kin' swearing?" asked Samuel.

"I don't care what you think. Stick to the script, and don't say that word again," said Lucas.

"Hell mothafu(bleep)kin' no!" said Samuel.

"You know? Screw it! We will edit it later," said Lucas. "…And then sell an uncensored DVD version…"

**End Flashback**

"Will you do it for me?" asked Lois.

"You sound sincere to me," said Meg, and her mom's face litghten up. "Besides, you asked for my permission, instead of like Dad, who usually takes it whenever he wants."

"Thanks Meg!" said Lois gratefully.

"Okay, what kind of powers do you want?" asked Meg, as she opened the spellbook.

"Telekinesis would be fine," said Lois.

"Alright," said Meg as she opened the book in the Mental Magic section, and looked for the proper spell. "Okay, now I need you to stand still. Infusing people with magic is difficult and can have horrible consequences if something goes wrong."

Meg began to channel the spell that would give her mother psychic powers, when suddenly a bright flash filled the room.

"Mom!" said Rosie, coming from the light. "I need you to…"

"Rosie!" gasped Meg.

As anybody with more than one brain cell would predict, Rosie broke Meg's concentration, and lots of strings of magic energy came out of the spellbook, interweaving with each other, causing small flashes of light. A bright flash filled the room, leaving the three girls confused. Rosie opened her eyes, and saw, in horror, that her mom and grandma were lying in the floor, unconscious.

"Mom! Grandma!" panicked Rosie. "Are…are you okay? Please, wake up!"

However, much to the little girl's relief, they both opened their eyes and regained consciousness.

"Rosie…" asked Meg. "What… what happened?"

But Meg noticed that there was something wrong.

"I don't know," said Rosie. "But don't worry grandma, you're okay now!"

"Why did you called me grandma?" asked Meg in confusion.

"What the hell…" asked Lois as she woke up.

Much to her horror and confusion, Meg was watching herself. Just like Lois. They saw enough movies to figure out what happened. Meg stood up and rush to the mirror… to see Lois looking back at her.

"What… What…" whispered Meg, too shocked to say a complete sentence.

Lois walked to the bathroom, and looked at herself in the mirror. Her reaction was identical to her daughter's.

"Mom? Grandma? Are you okay?" asked Rosie as she walked to them.

"I'm…I'm…MOM!" said Meg in horror.

"I'm Meg!" shouted Lois. "I'm MEG!!"

Rosie opened her eyes widely.

"Are you serious?" asked Rosie in amazement.

"How could this happen?" asked Lois. "You were supposed to give me powers, not switch bodies!"

"Oh, crap! When Rosie distracted me, I lost my concentration, and as a result we switched our brains!" concluded Meg.

"Okay, let's calm down," said Lois. "I'm sure that in your book there is a way to reverse this."

"It's not that easy, mom," said Meg. "This wasn't a spell; it was an accident. And I don't know for sure if there's a way to revert this!"

"But… but… we can't be stuck like this!" said Lois. "I can't be stuck in your body forever!"

"What do you complain at?" asked Meg. "At least you have a young body."

"What's that supposed to mean?" asked Lois angrily. "I'm in the prime of life!"

"Don't make me laugh, oldie," said Meg. "I lost my youth!"

"I'm barely forty!" replied Lois. "Besides, you shouldn't be complaining. Now you're hot!"

"My body is also hot!" protested Meg.

"Yeah, in your dreams!" said Lois.

"Mom, stop!" said Meg, coming to her senses. "Arguing won't take us anywhere."

"Hey, what's going on there?" asked Peter as he and Matt walked upstairs.

"Damn! What are going to do now?" asked Meg.

"Pretend that we're each other," suggested Lois. "There's no need to worry the family."

"And you don't say anything, okay?" said Meg to Rosie.

"Don't worry grandma… I mean mom!" rectified Rosie.

"We heard some shouts," said Matt. "Everything is alright?"

"Sure it is, Matt," said Lois as she came close to him and hugged him. "As long as you're here, everything is."

Meg clenched her teeth and fists in anger.

"Well, I'm glad that everything is okay," said Peter. "Because, when something goes wrong, it's always my fault somehow, and I didn't came come up with an excuse this time."

"Don't worry Dad -, I mean -, Peter, everything is just fine," said Meg, sportting a nervous smile.

Matt and Peter left Meg and Lois alone.

"That was close," said Meg.

"Yeah, they didn't notice anything weird," said Lois. "Okay, let's take a look at your book and see if there's a way to reverse this."

Meg did as Lois said, and after almost half an hour, Meg finally found a body switch spell.

"Mom! I found it!" said Meg in excitement.

"Really!?" asked Lois.

"Yeah!" said Meg in joy. "The only ingredient we need is… what the hell is Silver Star dust?!"

"You don't know what is it is?" asked Lois.

"No…" said Meg in defeat. "God, we're going to be stuck in each other's bodies forever!"

"Call Daphne," said Lois. "I'm sure she'll have an idea"

Meg called Daphne, and explained her situation, but, much to her shock and horror, Daphne had no idea of what Silver Star dust was, although she said she'd investigate it.

"Dear God, Daphne can't help us," said Meg, downbeat. "What the hell are we going to do?"

"Meg, calm down," said Lois. "I'm sure that we will find out what it is. Meanwhile, I suggest that, while we're stuck in each other's body, let's make the best of this situation until we find the ingredient."

"Okay," said Meg. "But we're going to set some ground rules.: Rule one: no sex with Matt!"

"Oh, come on!" said Lois in frustration. "Why I can't enjoy one of the few good parts of being you?"

"And no kissing, hugging, or touching!" said Meg.

"Meg, don't you think you're going a bit overboard?" asked Lois. "Besides, if I stop kissing, hugging or showing any kind of affection to Matt, he'll get suspicious."

"I guess you're right," said Meg. "But don't go too far!"

"I just remembered…" said Lois. "Tomorrow is Monday. I have to go to work. And you have to go to school. What are we going to do?"

"I guess that you'll have to go to school and I have to go to the cake shop," said Meg.

"God, this is going to be harder than trying to teach Peter how the microwave works," said Lois.

**Flashback**

"It's very easy," said Lois. "You only just open the door, put inside what you want to heat up, close the door, set the timer, and press this button. Did you get it?"

"Yeah," said Peter.

"Alright. Now I'm going to my book club. Goodbye," said Lois before kissing Peter onin the cheek.

However, as soon as Lois left the kitchen, it suddenly explodeds. Lois rushed back.

"Peter, what the hell?!!?" shouted Lois.

"It wasn't me! It was Bomberman!" said Peter.

"Yeah, Bomberman…" said Lois.

The camera then zooms out to reveal that Bomberman was in the kitchen too.

"Don't listen to him, Mrs. Griffin!" said Bomberman. "He always blames me for everything!"

"Some day I'll bust you, you little square headed monster!" threatened Peter.

**End Flashback**

The next morning, Meg (still in Lois' body), is awakened waked by her alarm clock. The idea of sleeping with her dad was revolting, but fortunately, Peter didn't want sex and fell asleep rather quickly. She got dressed with in her mom's usual clothes, went down to the kitchen and started to make the breakfast for everybody.

Soon, everybody woke up as well and sat in the kitchen to eat the breakfast Meg had prepared. The last one to appear was Lois (still in Meg's body).

"Matt, where is Meg?" asked Meg. "She should be here already."

"Oh, she'll come down soon," assured Matt.

"Did you two do… something… together… last night?" asked Meg, unsureeasy.

"Yeah. We both slept for eight hours," said Matt sarcastically. "What do you mean by that?"

"Oh…nothing, just nothing," said Meg.

Finally, Lois walked in the kitchen. Everybody (especially Meg) was shocked when they saw Lois walking in. Instead of Meg's usual clothes, Lois was wearing a pink crop top, a blue miniskirt and long, white leather high heeled boots. She was still wearing Meg's pink hat as well.

"Morning everybody," said Lois. Instead of sitting in a chair, she sat on Matt's lap, and kissed him full in the mouth, much to Meg's anger. "And a _very special _morning to my beloved husband!"

"My God Meg!" said Matt, with his jaw dropped. "You look… stunning! I mean, more stunning than usual!"

"Yeah, what's with the new outfit, Meg?" asked Meg.

"Oh, I just felt that I needed some changes in my clothing," said Lois. "Do you like my new look?"

Peter stood up, and hugged her.

"Now you finally are the kind of daughter I always wanted," said Peter, moved.

"It's just me or your voice sounds more… nasal than usual?" asked Matt suspiciously.

"Oh, I think she caught a cold," said Meg nervously. "Maybe if she wasn't so scantily-clad…" grumbled Meg.

"Whoa, Lois, did you suggest Meg to wear less provocative clothes?" asked Brian in shock. "You're always telling her the opposite!"

"I think that there's something weird going on," said Matt, much to Meg and Lois' dismay.

"Why… why do you think that?" asked Lois.

"Well, the last time Meg and Lois changed their clothing drastically, behaviour and voice, they were possessed by the spirit of some witches," said Matt suspiciously. "So I think that something wrong happened between you two and you don't want to tell us," said Matt, making Meg and Lois to get even more nervous. "But maybe I'm just rambling and everything is fine," concluded Matt. Meg and Lois sighed in relief.

"Well, you better go to school already," said Meg. "Hope she doesn't do anything stupid…" muttered She muttered.

Lois wasn't still mentally prepared that she had to go back to high school again. As _Meg_. She was a rather popular girl back in her teen days, but she was very aware that Meg's social status within the school was very low. Still, she told herself that everything would be fine. Ten minutes later, she and Matt arrived at the James Woods High.

"Here we are," said Lois.

"You're holding onto me tighter than usual," remarked Matt.

"Well, you were faster than usual," replied Lois quickly.

Matt tried to remember if that was true.

Inside the school, they both were greeted by Nathalie.

"Good morning you two!" said Nathalie, cheerful as usual. "Ready for the exam?"

"Yeah" said Matt.

"Exam?" asked Meg.

Matt stared at him confused.

"Yeah, the math exam," said Matt. "We've been studying the whole week, remember?"

"Ohhhhh, that exam," said Lois, all shifty eyes. "S-sure, I'm ready for it." But deep inside, Lois knew she was screwed.

"By the way, Nat," said Matt. "Jamal told me to ask you why you don't answer his phone calls."

"Who's Jamal?" asked Nat. Matt frowned. "Oh, that teammate of yours."

"Did something go wrong between you two?" asked Matt.

"Oh, no, nothing at all" said Nat. "He's a really nice guy, and he's rather cute, and we had a good time together, but he seemed to want something more… serious, while I only want to have fun. After my dad's imprisonment, I want to enjoy my freedom while it lasts. And I don't want to end married to the first guy I see…" then she realized of something. "No offense to either of you guys."

However, Lois wasn't paying too muchany attention of what Nathalie was saying. Minutes later, they entered in their classroom, where the exam took place. Lois read it, puzzled.

"God, what I'm going to do?" lamented Lois. "I'm more clueless than Stewie about the toilet."

**Flashback**

"Okay, Stewie, since you're a big boy, it's about time you learn to use the toilet," said Lois.

"I don't think I can't trust my safety to that," said Stewie, unconvinced. "What if it eats me?"

"Oh, don't be afraid," laughed Lois. "The toilet won't hurt you. You know, I'll leave you alone and come back when you're prepared."

"No, don't leave me alone with him!" pleaded Stewie, but Lois ignored him and left him alone in the bathroom. "You damn vile woman! You'll pay for your treachery!"

Suddenly, as anybody would predict, the toilet began to stir and spat water in a violent manner. Stewie shivered in terror, and suddenly… Mario popped out of the toilet.

"Excuse me, this is the Mushroom Kingdom?" asked Mario.

"Uh, no…" said Stewie. "I didn't expect that."

**End Flashback**

In the Griffin house, Meg was doing Lois' usual housework, bored as hell.

"God, I can't believe that Mom does this every day," said Meg, cleaning the living room with the vacuum. "Wonder if something interesting will happen today."

As if on cue, Peter entered in the house.

"Dad! Uh, I mean, Peter! What are you doing here so early?" asked Meg. She didn't know about her dad's schedule, but she was sure that he shouldn't be at home this early.

"I asked Angela for a pay raise, which she replied 'Get out of my sight, Griffin!'" said Peter. "So I guess that she was giving me the day off."

"Alright…" said Meg. "But please be quiet while I'm finishing the chores."

"You're the boss," said Peter, as he sat down on the couch. "Which is a metaphoric expression, since you're a woman and no woman can be the boss of a man."

"Your boss isn't a woman?" asked Meg.

"I'm sure that she's a transsexual," said Peter. "Now, Lois, could you get a beer for me?"

"Peter, don't you see that I'm busy?" asked Meg, annoyed. "You have legs. Use them to walk to the kitchen and get it yourself."

"Geez, Lois, you're really irritable today," said Peter before leaving the living room, while Meg continued with the chores. Minutes later Peter came back with a can of beer, and sat back in the couch. Peter glanced at Lois slyly.

"Lois, do you know that you're very sexy when you clean and do your housewife stuff?" said Peter, smiling. "You get all sweaty and dirty…"

"Peter, please," said Meg, even more annoyed.

Peter stand up and grabbed Meg by her waist, and put his head close to hers.

"W-What are you doing?" asked Meg in terror.

"I know why you're so touchy today," whispered Peter to her ear in a seductive way. "But I have the perfect remedy for that. Trust me, when I'm done with you, you'll be much more relaxed."

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!" screamed Meg as as she ran away in terror.

"Lois, wait!" said Peter. "I meant sex!"

Later, in the afternoon, Lois and Nathalie, in at James Woods High, were in the locker room getting changed after the swimming training.

"You did great today, Meg," said Nathalie.

"I know," said Lois proudly. "I almost went to the Olympics!"

"What?" asked Nathalie.

"I mean that I improved so much because of my loving mother who trains me, and also does a lot of many other and totally selfless things for my family, but nobody bothers to thank her," said Lois.

"Maybe you could tell your mom to train me as well," said Nathalie with a smile. She then began to undress.

"You are a good swimmer too…" said Lois, who suddenly began to feel aroused by Meg's almost naked friend. "You have those such long and pretty legs…"

"Thanks," said Nathalie.

"And you have a nice pair of breasts, too," said Lois. "They'll help you to float…"

"The bigger, the better, right?" joked Nathalie.

"And that body of yours… I'm sure that there are plenty of boys who lust after you… and girls…" drooled Lois.

The last statement made Nathalie to frown.

"Okay, Meg, you're scaring me," said Nathalie, who began to dress herself quicker. "If I didn't know you so well, I'd say that you're hitting on me!"

"Well, your rant about having fun and enjoying your freedom really touched me…" said Lois as she curled her hair with a finger. "I think that marrying Matt was a mistake… not that I don't love him, he's a nice guy and is very cute but… now I'll like to open my mind – and body - to new experiences."

"Meg, I'm not a lesbian," said Nathalie. "And I'm sure you aren't either…"

"Maybe, but haven't you wondered what it feels like?" asked Lois, coming close to Nathalie. "What is to do it with another woman?"

Nathalie gathered her stuff in her backpack _really fast_ and left the locker room quickly.

"I guess that she's just shy," said Lois.

Some days later, both Lois and Meg were discussing about how they were doing as each other..

"I know that I said that being me sucked," said Meg,. "but being you is even worse!"

"Why do you say that?" asked Lois.

"I spent the whole morning cleaning the house, but Peter came home early and in less than five minutes he got everything I cleaned up dirty and untidy," said Meg. "And, if that wasn't enough, he tried to have sex with me!"

"Aw, poor Peter, he must miss the sex with me…" said Lois.

"And that was just the first day!" said Meg in disgust. "Well, how are you doing?" asked Meg.

"For being you, not as bad as I expected," said Lois. "I go to class, get pranked by the popular boys – although it isn't that bad once I learned how to use your powers - and go to the swimming training with Nathalie."

"Do you act like you're me?" asked Meg. "Are you sure that people don't suspect anything?"

"Well, I tried to… befriend Nathalie a bit more," said Lois.

"What?" asked Meg.

"Nevermind," said Lois quickly.

In that moment, Rosie came down floating in her magic broomstick. She situated herself over Meg, dismissed her broomstick, and fell down on Meg's lap.

"Mom!" said Rosie as she hugged her. "How are you doing?"

"You did recognize me this time," said Meg weakly. "At least I still have you…" said Meg as she hugged her daughter

Lois suddenly felt uneasy at the sight of Meg's evident grief. She wasn't happy with the situation either, but her daughter wasn't strong enough to endure it.

"Meg, I've been thinking," said Lois. "We don't know how much time we will be stuck like this…, maybe forever. Although at first I said to keep this as a secret to the family, I think that we should tell them what's going on."

"R-really?" asked Meg, surprised. "Are you sure?"

"I'm positive," said Lois. "I've realized how you look at me when I'm near Matt, and I understand how you must feel. I miss Peter a lot, and Matt is some kind of painkiller. But I realized that, even if you still have Rosie, you still miss Matt and have nothing to replace him with meanwhile."

"Wow," said Meg, impressed. "I… don't know what to say."

"Let's call the family and end this farce," said Lois. "Although they'll probably freak out more than that time we saw that Wizard of Oz remake."

**Flashback**

The entire family is watching the last _Wizard of Oz _adaptation.

"Wow, thank God that we could escape from those flying monkeys," said Dorothy.

"Yeah, but I wonder if the wicked witch will send more monsters after us," wondered the Tin Man.

"Hey, what's that!?" asked the Cowardly Lion, pointing to the sky, where a large shadow loomed over them.

Suddenly, the shadow became visible to reveal that it was… Batman!

"Finally I got you, Scarecrow!" said Batman at he began to beat the shit out of poor Scarecrow. "You're going back to Arkham now!"

**End Flashback**

Lois and Meg told the whole story to the family, and how they pretended to be each other so nobody would suspect anything.

"…and that's what happened," said Lois. "We don't know if we will be stuck like this forever."

"Whoa, back off!" said Peter. "Are you telling me that I slept with Meg and I almost had sex with her?!!?"

"And I had sex with Lois?" asked Matt.

"Wait, you had sex with Matt?!!?" yelled Meg. "We had a deal!!"

"Wait, did you have sex with both Lois _and _Meg?" asked Quagmire, from out of the window. "You're my hero!"

Later, that night, Meg was in the living room, watching TV, alone, when Matt approached her.

"Hello," said Matt.

"Hello," replied Meg weakly.

"Meg, why you didn't tell me what happened?" asked Matt.

"I didn't want to worry you," replied Meg. "But that was before thinking that we could stay like this forever…"

"Still, I'd prefer if you told me," said Matt. "I want to make love with you, not with your body."

"Speaking of which, how was doing it with mom?" asked Meg.

"Oh, it was amazing," said Matt with a dreamy expression. "If you saw how many things can she do with her legs…" but Matt noticed Meg's expression. "…but it was nothing compared to doing it with you."

"You don't have to lie," said Meg.

"I'm not lying" said Matt. "Even if having sex with Lois was great and I'll remember it forever, I still prefer to share bed with you. Even if you're in another body."

"Oh, Matt. You make me so happy…" said Meg as she rested her head on Matt's shoulder and hugged him.

But Matt suddenly stopped.

"Matt, there's something wrong?" asked Meg.

"Well, it may be my imagination, but I heard a 'giggity' coming from outside…" said Matt.

Suddenly, somebody knocked the door. Meg went to open and it was Daphne.

"Hello, Meg," said Daphne. "I have great news."

"Did you find the ingredient?" asked Meg hoped.

"Yes," said Daphne, showing a bag with a white powder on it. She then turned at the camera. "And no, it's not drugs!"

"How did you find it?" asked Matt.

"You're going to laugh," said Daphne sheepishly. "But I had this the whole time."

"WHAT?" roared Meg.

"At first I didn't know what Silver Star was, but then I realized that it was the old name of a Swiss flower currently named Edelweiss. The 'Silver Star powder' was Edelweiss pollen. And I had plenty of them in the store. Funny, right?"

Suddenly, Meg's face became bloodshot red, she gritted her teeth, and her left eye began to twitch.

The camera zoomed out to show the Griffin house, where a loud scream could be heard.

The next morning, the Griffins and Kennedys were all watching TV, Meg and Lois back in their bodies.

"I'm so glad to be back in my body," said Meg.

"Me too," said Lois. "Although I had some fun while I was in your body…"

"What do you mean?" asked Meg suspiciously.

Suddenly the doorbell rings, and Meg answers. There stood Nathalie.

"Oh, hello Nat," said Meg.

"Oops, look what time it is, I better get lunch ready!" said Lois as she quickly ran into the kitchen.

"Meg I came here to tell you that I thought about what you said," said Nathalie.

"And…?" said Meg without knowing what she meant.

"And I think that I want to experience what it feels to be with another girl," said Nathalie. "Can we go to your room?"

Meg's face became bloodshot red, she gritted her teeth, and her left eye began to twitch.

The camera zoomed out to show the Griffin house.

"LOIS PEWTERSCHMIDT!!!!!" yelled Meg.

**End Chapter**

**Mini Fanmail**

As usual, Meg and the rest of the Griffins are ready to open and answer another set of letters.

"Okay, it's time for the fanmail!" announced Meg. "Our first letter is from Hotstreak, and it's for Jillian!"

"Cool! I have a letter!" said Jillian. "I hope it's J, since it's the first letter of my name!"

"Jillian, that's not the kind of… nevermind," said Brian.

_Hotstreak asks: what would you do if you run into one of Brian's old girlfriends?_

"I don't know, probably I'll say hi," said Jillian happily. "But I don't really care. Brian told me that I'm special!"

Stewie then snickered really loudly.

"What's so funny?" asked Jillian.

"I think that Brian didn't specify the way you were 'special'," chuckled Stewie.

"Oh, shut up!" said Brian, pissed.

"We better go to another letter," said Meg. "Oh, a letter for the author. It's from a guy named mikecheck."

_Mikecheck asks: Would you consider this to be a girl story?_

Uh… I think that this is a story both boys and girls can enjoy.

"Moving on," said Meg, opening another letter. "A letter from Loessar, and it's for Brian."

_Loessar asks: Your teenage son Dylan was 100% human while your daughter had the dog sense of smell and that is good. Did you wished Dylan had some dog traits?_

"Every parent likes to see something of them in their children," said Brian. "So the answer would be yes. Well, at least he shared my liking for pot…"

"The next letter is from Satine89," said Meg. "And it's for…Mr Quagmire!"

"All right!" said Quagmire, suddenly popping out from nowhere. "I'll love to answer any question from my lovely fans!"

_Satine89 asks: What were you thinking when you gave Meg that... outfit... for her birthday?_

"Meg was 18, and became a full fledged woman," said Quagmire. "And I thought that it would be nice to have something to make her sexual life more… interesting. By the way, now a question for you: 18 yet?"

Lois then pushed Quagmire off screen.

"Sorry, but I'm not going to let you to scare away our readers!" said Lois.

"Oh, come on, that girl loves me!" said Quagmire. "And I wanted to check if I could love her back! Giggity giggity goo!"

"And here we got our last letter, from Rocket6923," said Meg. "And it's for me!"

_Rocket6923 asks: We all know that you are emotionally fragile and that in the show you get picked on a lot which must be very harmful for your self-esteem. Has gaining magic powers been helpful in boosting your self-esteem, and has it also given you the courage to stand up to people who pick on you?_

"Of course!" said Meg cheerful. "Gaining magic powers is a great morale booster. For example, I couldn't do this before," said Meg before shooting a small fireball at Peter's ass. Peter then ran away grabbing his smoking ass in pain. "It's just great!"

**End of Fanmail**

**(Well, this will be the last chapter for a while, since now I need to spend most o**


	41. Road to Multiverse

**Chapter 41: Road to Multiverse**

Rosie was playing with Flare in the backyard.

"Okay, catch!" shouted Rosie as she tossed the frisbee at her pet. However, Flare instead of catching it he burned it with his fire breath.

"No, no no!" shouted Rosie. "I told you a thousand times before! You have to catch the frisbee, not burning it!"

Flare looked at her, and cawed.

"I don't care if you like to burn things!" said Rosie. "Well, what can we do now? Let's see what's doing Stewie."

Meanwhile, at Stewie's room, Stewie was working on one of his inventions. He suddenly gasped at the sight of a flash, and Rosie accompanied by Flared appeard from it.

"Hey, Stewie!" said Rosie. "What are you doing?"

"Could you stop doing that, you sea cow offspring?" asked Stewie annoyed. "There's a door."

"Teleporting is easier," said Rosie. "Well, what are you doing?"

"I'm building a second multiverse device," said Stewie. "It'll allow me to travel through the different parallel dimensions."

"Cool! We can use it to visit Maddie!" suggested Rosie.

"Ha! Like hell I'm going to build this powerful, reality bending device so you can play with your other blonde self," aid Stewie sarcastically.

"So what are you going to do with it?" asked Rosie.

"I'm going to find a new universe to live," said Stewie.

"You're leaving?" asked Rosie, saddened. "Why?"

"Because I'm tired of all of this," said Stewie. "I remember the time in which I had a exciting life and lots of adventures. However, everything changed since Meg got that goddamned book: suddenly, all the cool things happen to her instead of me, and nobody pays attention to me anymore since you arrived."

"Well, is not my fault if I'm cuter, more interesting because of my magic powers and much less annoying than you," said Rosie. "Okay, shutting up," said Rosie when she realized that Stewie was glaring at her. "However, that's just a stupid reason to go to another dimension."

"It's not just that," said Stewie. "Also, Brian doesn't spend any time with me anymore since he and Jillian reconciled. So who's left to play with me?"

"I myself," said Rosie,smiling.

"Exactly! Nobody!" said Stewie, and Rosie's smile faded. "So now I'll use this to look for an universe more suited to me."

"I'm going to miss you, Stewie," said Rosie sadly. "Everybody will."

"Well, I'm not going to miss any of you, that's for sure," said Stewie harshly.

"So, you're going to leave now?"asked Rosie.

"No," replied Stewie. "First I'm going to look through several multiverses until I find one that I like."

"Sounds funny. May Flare and I go?" asked Stewie.

"Sure, why not," said Stewie, as he pressed some buttons on the device. "Multiverse, here I go...again."

Stewie, Rosie and Flare disappeared in a flash of light, and reappeared in another universe.

"Where are we?" asked Rosie, looking around.

"Let me see..." said Stewie as he checked the remote.

They were in a green field, with lots of trees and plants. However,said trees and plants had eyes. The clouds in the sky had eyes too. There were also floating blocks with interrogation marks on them.

"Stewie, the plants have eyes!" shouted Rosie. "And there is flying stuff!"

"Of course there is," said Stewie. "We're in a Super Mario Bros universe. Look!"

Stewie hit a block, and a fire flower popped from it. Stewie grabbed the fire flower, and his overall turned white and his t-shirt turned red.

"Look at this, Rosie," said Stewie, and shot a few fireballs. "I can shot fire!"

"I could do that when I was two weeks," said Rosie as she rolled her eyes.

Suddenly, a bunch of goombas came from behind a bush, and one of them bite Stewie, making him lose his power up.

"Ow!" shouted Stewie

"Crap, goombas!" said Rosie frightened. "And I don't know why I'm scared since those are the most pathetic enemies of the game! Flare, attack!"

Flare attacked the goombas with his fire breath, but instead of burning them, the goombas fell from the screen with a funny noise, leaving a score.

"Great job, Flare!" praised Rosie. "You killed three goombas in one go!"

"Excuse me, kids," said a voice behind them.

They both turned around, and saw Peter dressed as Mario.

"Fatman?" asked Stewie.

"I'm looking for princess Peach Pewterschmidt. She's been imprisoned in a castle. But in all the castles i've been there was only a toad saying that she's in another castle" said Peter. "Do you know in which castle she is? Because this is becoming rather annoying "

"Uhh...follow that pipe," said Stewie, pointing to a nearby pipe.

"Thanks!" said Peter as he left.

"Stewie, pipes usually have piranha plants on them," said Rosie, worried.

"AAAAAAAARGHHHH!!" screamed Peter offscream.

"So what?" asked Stewie. "Let's get the hell out of here"

In a flash of light,they were in another universe. They were in a town of stone houses in the middle of a prehistoric jungle.

"Where are we?" asked Rosie. "Flinstones universe?"

"Almost," said Stewie, checking his remote. "This is an universe in which dinosaurs never went extinct, so mankind was unable to past through the stone age."

"I always wondered how would be a world in which dinosaurs were still alive," said Rosie.

"Let's take a look," said Stewie, as he and his niece approached to a Flinstones-looking house, and looked through the window.

"Peter, I need you to buy some meat for the lunch!" said Lois from inside the house.

"Aw, come on, I'm working on my great invention" complained Peter.

"You mean that thing to scratch your butt?" asked Brian.

"Yeah. This sharp rock attached to a stick will solve one of mankind's greatest problems. I think that I'll name it...buttscratcher!"

"Peter, getting food is more important than scratching your butt, so go and get some meat," said Lois.

"But-"

"NOW!"

Peter grabbed a club and went outside, not realizing of the toddlers' presence. Peter then came near a triceratops, and started to hit it with his club. The triceratops simply kicked him, and sent him away flying, until he crashed against a tree and landed.

"SHHHHHH....AHHHHHH...SHHHHHH....AHHHHHH...SHHHHHH....AHHHHHH..." said Peter while rubbing his ankle.

"I think that I've seen enough," said Stewie, and pressed a button to travel to the next universe.

They vanished in a flash of light and reappeared in what it looked like medieval Japan.

"Where are we now?" asked Rosie.

"Interesting,"said Stewie, reading his remote. "In this universe, everybody is a ninja."

They could see that everybody was wearing ninja clothes and gear, despite doing normal stuff, like taking their dogs for a walk, going shopping and stuff.

They a female ninja who was carrying shopping bags being assaulted by Quagmire. He quickly knocks her down with a smoke bomb.

"The man who looks for wisdom, will find enlightenment," said Quagmire solemnly. "And the man who looks for this woman, will find her in my bed! Giggity giggity goo!"

Quagmire then disappeared in a cloud of smoke.

"Uh...let's go to the next universe..." suggested Rosie, and Stewie did so.

They appeared in the middle of Quahog. It looked different to Rosie, but apparently, everything was normal.

"Where are we?" asked Rosie.

"Let me see..." said Stewie as he checked his remote. His eyes suddenly widened in excitement. "Oh! This universe is ruled by a ruthless overlord! It has to be me!"

Rosie looked around, and finally realized why that version of Quahog confused her: everybody was in a wheelchair, all the parking slots were reserved for handicapped, and there was an american flag with a wheelchair instead of the fifty stars. It seemed that said ruthless overlord was...

"Joe Swanson!?" asked Stewie in shock and anger. "How the hell that half man can rule the world but not me?"

"That would explain why everybody is on a wheelchair," pointed out Rosie.

"Yup," said Stewie, reading his remote. "Apparently, Joe forced everybody to go on a wheelchair, so there's no discrimination against handicapped people."

A man wheels by, but stops and frowns.

"This is stupid!" said the man. "I have legs. I can walk."

The man then stood up. Suddenly, a bunch of cops appeared from nowhere, surrounded the man and showed him the meaning of 'police brutality'.

"Now I need the wheelchair..." moaned the bruised and now handicapped man.

The cops then realized of Stewie and Rosie.

"Hey, you two! Where's your wheelchair?" asked the cop. "Get them!" shouted the cop before giving them time to answer.

Stewie, Rosie and Flare ran away from the angry cops as fast as they could.

"Damn, they're too fast!" said Rosie.

"They're on wheelchairs," said Stewie. "There must be lots of places they can't reach."

"In a world ruled by Joe, I don't think so. Look, there are no stairs! Only ramps," said Rosie. "Hey, I got it!"

Rosie then summoned her magic broomstick, and fled away with Flare.

"Don't leave me here, you traitor!" shouted Stewie angered.

"Flare, pick him up," said Rosie.

The phoenix quickly fled down and grabbed Stewie by his back with his claws.

"Let's leave this handicapped hell,"said Stewie.

They teleported to the next universe, which was a high-tech futuristic version of Quahog.

"Where are we?" asked Rosie.

"I think that this is the universe in which Christianity never existed," said Stewie.

"What?" asked Rosie, confused.

"No, wait, this is an universe in which everybody is a transformer," said Stewie.

"Hey, we're in front of the bar where grandpa usually goes," said Rosie. However, instead of 'The Drunken Clam' it was 'The Drunken BJT'.

Four cars suddenly appeared, and they transformed in robotic versions of Peter, Cleveland, Quagmire and Joe.

"There's nothing better to do after job than going waste with some oil and gas," said Peter. "Hehehehehe...gas...hehehehehehe...farts..."

"Hey guys, I have to tell you about the woman I shagged last night," said Quagmire. "You should saw the engines she had!"

"Bah, I'm sure they weren't real," said Joe.

"So what if they aren't real? It's the result what it counts counts counts counts counts counts counts counts..."

"Damn, he's crashed again," said Peter.

"Well, that's because he never uses protection, and catches lots of viruses," said Cleveland. "The firewall isn't that bad."

"How do we fix him?"asked Peter.

"Press the reset button," said Joe.

"Ah no! There's no way I'm going to put my finger _there_!" said Peter firmly.

""Let's get the hell out of here before this gets weirder" said Stewie pressing a button.

They vanished and reappeared in Quahog.

"Let's see what's special about this universe," said Stewie, reading the remote.

"You can save doing that," said Rosie, astonished. "Look!"

Much to Stewie's shock, everybody (women and children included) were like Chuck Norris.

"Dude," said Chuck Norris to another Chuck. "I'm so strong that I can slam a revolving door!"

"That's nothing," said the second Chuck. "When my ass itches, I tear it from my body and wait until I grow a new one."

"I never found those Chuck Norris facts remotely funny," said Stewie, pressing a button.

They reappeared in another universe in which everybody was extremely buffed.

"Where are we? Bodybuilding universe?" asked Rosie.

"Nope," said Stewie checking the remote. "According to this, in this universe the republicans didn't choose George Bush for the presidential election."

"Then who?" asked Rosie.

"Arnold Schwarzenegger," said Stewie.

"Let's get out of here," said Rosie.

"Wait," said Stewie, who was looking at a bunch of muscular men lifting barbells.

Rosie snatched the remote, and traveled to the next universe.

"Buzzkill..." muttered Stewie.

They reappeared in a post-apocalyptic version of Quahog: destroyed buildings, wrecked cars, burning houses...

"Let me guess," said Rosie. "In this universe, a world war three broke out, right?"

But Stewie didn't reply. He wasn't even checking his remote. He was looking at something far away.

".GOD." said Stewie in shock.

Rosie looked where Stewie was looking at, and saw a gigantic Meg, wearing nothing but a bikini, ravaging Quahog.

"How the hell mom grew that big?" asked Rosie in shock.

"I don't even want to know," said Stewie. "Next universe!"

They reappeared in the Griffin house. More concretely, in Stewie's room. However, there was another bed besides the crib. Suddenly, a blonde little girl comes by.

"Oh, hi Roise,"

"Hello, Maddie," said Rosie.

"What are you doing here?" asked Maddie.

"Oh, Stewie invented a remote that can travel across universes," explained Rosie.

"Cool!" said Maddie. "Can I go with you, guys?"

"Su-" was about to say Rosie.

"Like hell!" said Stewie while pressing the 'next universe' button.

They reappeared again in the very same room.

"What the hell?" asked Stewie. "Oh, please don't tell me that we're stucked in this universe with that blonde you,"

Suddenly, a brunette girl with pigtails walks in.

"Oh, hi, Stewie," said the girl. "Who's that girl?"

"How do you know my name?" asked Stewie.

"Stewie, don't you remember me?" asked the girl. "I'm Meg's daughter Melanie."

Rosie raised an eyebrow, and Stewie's left eye twitched a bit. Rosie carefully hit the 'next universe' button.

They teleported in a dystopian version of Quahog. There once beautiful to,wn of Quahog now looked depressing and miserable. Dark clouds filled the sky. Everybody dressed with ragged and dirty clothes. There were also lots of armed soldiers patrolling the streets.

"Okay, I don't like this place," said Rosie, scarred.

"I do," said Stewie.

"Really?" asked Rosie. "Maybe you'll make up your up your mind after you see THAT."

Stewie looked at where Rosie was pointing, and much to his horror, there stood a large statue of Bertram. There was a caption below in which said that Bertram was the ruler of the world.

"Okay, now I agree with you," said Stewie, bewildered.

"And that's not all," said Rosie, taking a nearby poster. "Look at this!"

It was a poster with Stewie's face on it. It said _Wanted: Stewie Griffin. Dead or Alive (preferably dead). No reward._

"OH MY GOD!" shouted Stewie. "I look horrible in this picture! Look at that messy hair!"

Rosie rolled her eyes, annoyed. They didn't notice a bunch of soldiers coming. One of them spotted Stewie.

"Hey, you!" shouted a nearby soldier who was looking at Stewie. "Guys, it's him! Get him!"

"Huh?"

Rosie grabbed both Stewie and Flare, and teleported in a nearby dark alley.

"Okay,this is by far the worst universe of all,"said Stewie.

"I agree," said Rosie. "I'm tired of all this. Please take us home."

Stewie pressed a button that, supposedly would take them to their universe, but nothing happened.

"What are you waiting for?" asked Rosie. "Those soldiers are coming!"

"Oh, no no no no no no...NO!" shouted Stewie horrified. "Not now!"

"What's going on?" asked Rosie.

"The batteries just died!" said Stewie.

"Well, you brought spare batteries, right?" asked Rosie. "I mean, as the super genius you claim to be, I'm sure that you foresaw that something like this could happen, right?"

But he go not answer.

"You didn't brought spare batteries," said Rosie dryly.

"Nope, I didn't thought that I would need them," said Stewie. "Who would think that travel through different universes would take so much energy?"

Flare then cawed.

"Flare says that you're an idiot," said Rosie bitterly. "And I agree,"

"Would you shut up? That's not helping," shouted Stewie. "We need to find a source of energy to power up the remote,"

"Well, it can't be too hard to find new batteries," said Rosie.

"Rosie, this device doesn't use regular batteries," replied Stewie. "They need a very powerful source to recharge."

"God, were are we going to find said source of energy?" asked Rosie.

"Where you can find practically everything," said Stewie. "On the internet."

Avoiding the soldiers, they were able to reach a cybercafe. Stewie searched on the internet (now renamed BertramNet) for a source of energy to power the remote.

"Yes, I found it!" said Stewie. "Under Bertram's fortress there's a weapon factory. They had a small nuclear reactor that they use to power said weapons."

"Excellent, now we need to infiltrate in his factory," said Rosie. "It will be hard, since all of Bertram's troops are looking for you, but I think that I can fix it."

Rosie snapped her fingers, and Stewie's clothes changed to a cowboy.

"Oops, my bad," said Rosie as he snapped her fingers again.

Stewie was now dressed as an astronaut. Rosie cast the spell again. Now he was dressed as a ninja. She cast the spell again. This time Stewie looked like a hippie. Rosie cast the spell again, and Stewie was dressed like a princess.

"I like this one," said Stewie.

Rosie rolled her eyes, and cast the spell one last time. Now Stewie looked like Bertram.

"Excellent," said Rosie. "Now not only they won't arrest you, but they'll think you're their overlord!"

"I feel dirty," complained Stewie.

After a short walk, Stewie, Rosie and Flare arrived at Bertram's fortress.

"Welcome, Lord Bertram," said one of door's guards, almost in a shout.

"Hum....hi" said Stewie. "Can you tell me how can I get to the weapon research facility?"

"Sure," replied the guard. "It's in the fifth basement. You need to take the elevator. Shouldn't you know this?"

"Yes, yes I should," said Stewie.

"Oh...okay..." said the guard.

"Oh, and if somebody who looks like me comes here and claims to be Bertram, shot him in sight," said Stewie. "Because I'm the real Bertram."

"As you command," said the guard. "May I ask for that girl and the bird?"

"Uh...no, you may not," said Stewie.

"Alright," said the guard.

The two toddlers and the bird made their way to the elevator without any trouble, since everybody mistook Stewie for Bertram. However, upon reaching the underground factory, they stumbled with another obstacle.

"Damn!" cursed Stewie. "This thing has a password!"

"A password, huh?" asked Rosie. "Let me handle it..."

Rosie introduced a password, and the elevator functioned.

"What the deuce?" asked Stewie, surprised. "How did you guessed the password?"

"My dad is a computer maniac, is in the blood," said Rosie proudly. But Stewie didn't believe her. "Okay, the password was 'Bertram'. Like you, that guy has an ego of the size of Mount Rushmore."

They entered in the weapon factory, where lots of engineers, scientists and technicians worked restlessly developing new weapons.

"Hey, it's Lord Bertram!" said a scientists.

"What a nice surprise," said another one. "When Lord Bertram comes here is usually for berating us for our lack of progress. Now that I think about it, it's not a nice surprise."

"Don't worry guys, I'm just here to do some rutinary...supervision." said Stewie. "You guys can have the rest of the day off."

"The first off day in three years!" said a engineer. "Thanks, Lord Bertram!"

All the workers left the room in a rush, leaving Stewie, Rosie and Flare alone.

"Okay, now I'll use this generator to power up the batteries," said Stewie. "It may take some minutes."

"I'll tell you what it'll take less than some minutes," said a voice behind them. "YOUR DEMISE!"

Stewie and Rosie turned around and saw Bertram, accompanied by a bunch of soldiers.

"Bertram!"

"So, you finally showed u, Stewart," said Bertram. "But that was an unwise decision. Now you and your girlfriend will die!"

"I'm not his girlfriend!" complained Rosie. "Flare, roast him!"

Flare tried to incinerate Bertram with his fire breath, but Bertram pressed a button in his belt, and was protected by a force filed.

"Nice try, brat," said Bertram. "Your bird is interesting. I'll love to dissect it!"

Rosie hugged Flare tightly.

"Enough chitchat! Kill them!" ordered Bertram.

"Not so fast!" said Stewie as he tackled Bertram.

The two infants then engaged into a fight.

"Kill him!" ordered Bertram.

"No, I'm the real Bertram!" said Stewie. "Kill him instead!"

"Man, what are we going to do?" asked a soldier. "They look the same!"

"Let's kill them both!" suggested another soldier.

"But then we will kill Lord Bertram as well!" replied another one.

"I joined the army to shot things, not to make hard decisions!" cried another one.

Rosie then noticed that the batteries were loaded.

"Stewie, let's get the hell out of here!" shouted Rosie.

Stewie pushed Bertram away, and grabbed the batteries. With the now recharged remote, they vanished in a flash of light.

"!!!" shouted Bertram.

"You know what?" said a soldier. "Why the hell are we obeying this little Hitler?"

"You're right!" said another one. "Let's kill him and free the world from his tyranny!"

"Oh, crap..." grumbled Bertram.

Meanwhile, Stewi, Rosie and Flare teleported in which looked like their home.

"We're back!" cheered Stewie.

"How can you tell?" asked Rosie.

They went downstairs, where Meg was watching TV. Peter was behind her, with a foghorn, grinning. However, before Peter could do anything, Meg's ring glowed pink, and Peter suddenly was set on fire.

"Yup, we're home," said Rosie.

"You know, Rose Mary," said Stewie. "This whole experience made me realize that there are far worse places to live. "

"So, you're going to stay?" asked Rosie.

"I guess so," said Stewie with a shrug.

Rosie then hugged Stewie.

"I'm so happy to hear that," said Rosie.

Both toddlers walked upstaris when suddenly something dropped from one of Stewie's pockets. Rosie picked it up.

"Hey, what's this?" asked Rosie.

"Oh my," said Stewie. "It seems that I did had the spare batteries after all. Funny, huh?"

Rosie stared at him silent. She then pushed him downstairs, and went to her room.

**(A/N: First chapter with no flashbacks XD)**

**End Chapter**

**Mini Fanmail.**

Meg, holding the spellbook, is sat in the living room along with her family.

"I hope that you enjoy this version of Road to Multiverse," said Meg. "Now, it's time for fanmail!"

Meg opened the spellbook, and several letters poped from it.

"Our first letter is from Hotstreak, and it's for Nathalie!" said Meg

"Yay! My first letter!" cheered Nathalie.

_Hotstreak asks: Dear Nathalie do you think of Meg as your Sister than your best friend? _

"Well, although Meg is my only friend I ever had, I don't think that we're close enough to consider her my sister," explained Nathalie. "Despite our relationship is much better than with her siblings..."

"Thanks, Nat," said Meg, picking another letter. "The next letter is for Rosie, and is from Aldovas"

_Aldovas asks:Don't you think Flare is a rip-off of Moltres or Ho-Oh from Pokémon? _

"Let me answer with another question," said Rosie. "Don't you think Moltres and Ho-Oh are a rip-off of any other phoenix in the media?"

"Zing!" said Peter.

"We have a letter from loessar, and it's for me," said Meg.

_Loessar asks:Meg,do you remember your 4 friends that show up now and then? Any chance you'll have adventures with them? _

"Who?" asked Meg. "Just kidding!Yeah, I remember them, but I don't know what happened with them..."

"The next question is for Meg too," said Lois. "My god, she's poplar, isn't she?"

_Redemption Warrior asks:__If someday you had to choose, would you keep your magic or your family? _

"The answer is easy," said Meg. "My family."

"My God Meg, you're pretty idiot," said Peter in disgust. "You'll choose normal people over amazing magic powers? Then you'll wonder why people think you suck..."

"Shut up!" said Rosie, her eyes glowing blue. "Mom doesn't suck! You do!"

Peter tried to speak, but Roise had muted him.

"Thanks, Rosie," said Meg. "Now here is our last letter, and it's for mom,"

_Rocket6923 asks: when you tried to seduce Natalie, was there any feeling of guilt about being unfaithful to Peter? And what about having sex with Matt in Meg's body? Weren't you concerned about hurting both Peter and Meg? _

"Well I was in another body, so it doesn't count," said Lois. "Besides, I need some action from time to time, if you know what I mean..."

"Okay, that was the mini fanmail," said Meg. "I hope you like it."

"It sucked, I didn't have any letter..." grumbled Stewie.

**End fanmail.**


	42. Dream Chasers

**Chapter 42: Dream Chasers**

It was night at the spooner street, and the Griffins were hosting a costume party. Lois was finalizing the preparations.

"Everybody, get ready!" said Lois, who was dressed as Wonder Woman. "The kids will be here in no time."

Peter went down, dressed as Batman.

"God, I can't wait for this party to start," said Peter, giggling with excitement. "I'm more nervous than that time I met that girl who was so suited for me."

**Flashback**

We see a young Peter dating a fat woman with short brown hair, glasses, testicle-shaped chin...let's just say that it's a female Peter.

"Oh, Petra, I think that you're my soulmate, we have so many things in common..." gushed Peter.

"Yeah," said Petra, who sounded like a high pitched Peter. "We both like beer."

"And football," replied Peter.

"And fart jokes!" said Petra, "Pull my finger!"

Peter pulled Petra's finger, and both she and Peter farted.

"Hehehehehehehehe!" laughed both in unison.

"You know Petra, you and I are so similar, that it's like dating my own sis-" Peter suddenly stopped, and opened his eyes wide. "We're over."

**End Flashback**

"By the way, where's Brian?" asked Peter. "I want to make fun of his costume."

"He went to pick Jillian and his kids," suddenly, somebody knocked the door. "Oh, that must be them."

Lois went to open, and there stood Brian, Jillian, Kyle and Maya. Brian was dressed as Wolverine, Jillian as Ms. Marvel, Kyle was dressed as Iron Man and Maya as Rogue.

"Brian!" shouted Peter in anger. "We agreed that we would dress as DC superheroes, not Marvel!"

"Really?" asked Brian. "Because I swear that it was Marvel..."

"Well, Marvel is still better than that crappy DC..." said Kyle.

"I didn't want to dress like a superhero anyway," said Maya, displeased. "What's so great about a guy wearing tights?"

"You'll find out when you hit puberty," said Brian dryly.

Meg then went downstairs with Rosie between her arms, both in their costumes: Meg was dressed as Queen Amidala (from Episode I) and Rosie was dressed as Ashoka Tano.

"Oh, come on!" complained Peter.

"Well, the kids wanted to dress as Star wars characters, and I thought that it would be fun too," said Meg with a shrug.

They were followed by Chris and Stewie. Stewie was dressed as Darth Maul, while Chris had no costume at all.

"Well, guess that the theme costume goes down the drain...hehehehehehe, drain," laughed Peter.

"Chris, why aren't you dressed?" asked Lois.

"But I am, mom! I'm Gunther Magnuson!" said Chris.

"Who?"

"Kick Buttowski's best friend," said Chris.

"Who?"

"Nevermind...just because you're an older woman doesn't mean that you couldn't watch cartoons aimed at kids!"

"Anyway, where's Matt?" asked Lois.

"He's dressing. He'll be here soon," said Meg.

"Let me guess, he'll be dressed as a wrestler, I am right?" guessed Peter.

Suddenly, a yellow tornado came from upstairs, and Matt came from it. He was wearing a yellow jacket, yellow pants, yellow hat with a feather and his face was green.

"SSSSSSSSSSSMOKIN!" said Matt

"Wow, nice entrance!" praised Rosie.

"No, it's not nice!" said Peter childishly. "We were supposed to dress as DC superheroes!"

"Well, at least I have some imagination," said Matt, "Unlike you. To dress as a superhero. That's more unoriginal than Bowser's schemes."

**Cutaway**

Bowser and the koopalings are gathered together.

"Okay, listen to me," said Bowser. "Nintendo is going to release a new Super Mario game, so we need to plot some evil thing. But this time I want to do something different and original. Any ideas?"

Ludwig raised his hand.

"We could build a machine to block the sun," suggested Ludwig.

"There are two problems with that: one, the Simpsons already did it, and two, what do we get doing that?"

Ludwig just shrugged.

"We could raid Peach's castle and break everything on it," said Roy.

"Again, how's that going to benefit us?" asked Iggy.

"I don't know. I just like to break things" said Roy.

"I know!" said Larry. "Let's build a casino and ruin the mushroom people!"

"This isn't working," said Bowser, rubbing his eyes, "You know what? Screw it! Let's kidnap Princess Peach like we always do."

**End Cutaway**

Soon their guests began to arrive, and the party could start. They invited practically the whole neighborhood, despite the fact they didn't know half of them. However, there were some no-shows.

"Hey, anybody seen Quagmire?" asked Peter. Everybody shook their head.

"Well, it wouldn't be a terrible loss if he didn't show up," said Brian bitterly.

"Oh, come on Brian, will you let it go?" snapped Lois, "Shitloads of people hate you, so you shouldn't take it out only on Quagmire."

"What? Who?"

"Well, there's Bonnie, Mort Goldman, Dr. Hartman, the US Republican Party..."

"Okay, stop, I don't want to know!" said Brian, covering his ears.

"So, what's wrong, snoopy? Aren't you happy with your recent popularity?" asked Stewie maliciously.

"Shut up. At least I don't pay people to be my friends," replied Brian bitterly.

"That was only once!" said Stewie defensively.

Jillian then walked to them. She looked a bit annoyed.

"Hey, Jilly-bean. There's something wrong?" asked Brian.

"Besides your low intellect?" added Stewie.

"Well, is that I wanted to go to the bathroom, but Joe's been there for more than half an hour!"

"Hey, his lower half doesn't work as well as ours," said Stewie with a shrug.

"Okay, I'll go and see what's taking him so long..." said Brian.

However, before Brian could go upstairs, Joe appeared, covered in bruises and with his clothes tattered, dragging himself.

"Help!" yelled Joe. "He's going to kill me!"

"Oh my God! Joe!" said Lois in horror. "What happened?"

Suddenly, the lights went off, and a man wearing a bloodstained jacket and a hockey mask, and wielding an axe appeared behind Joe.

"Behold! I'm the Mad Woodsman! An innocent man who was framed by corrupt cops for a crime that he didn't commit, and now I came back from the death to kill every corrupt cop and get revenge!"

Everyone began to scream in horror.

"But I'm not corrupt!" cried Joe.

"That's what everybody says! Now die!" the Woodsman struck Joe with the axe, killing him, and tossed his corpse downstairs

"Joe! NOOOOO!" cried Bonnie.

Everyone screamed more and tried to flee.

"Don't try to flee, since I barricaded the doors!" said the Woodsman.

"We all are going to die!" panicked Chris.

Suddenly, the Woodsman removed his mask, revealing to be none other than Quagmire.

"HAAAAA! Gotcha!" said Quagmire laughing.

"You fell for it, suckers!" said Joe, laughing as well.

"Yeah, we totally punk'd you!" laughed Peter.

"Uh, Peter... you weren't involved," said Quagmire.

"Oh... hey, and why not? We're friends!" said Peter, outraged.

"Because you always spoil everything!" said Joe, "You'd totally ruined this prank, like the last time!"

**Flashback**

Peter, Quagmire and Joe are watching a random house from the other side of the road.

"That Jenkins is going to regret not paying the money he owes us," said Peter. "What did you do?"

"I switched the sugar with the salt," said Joe. "I would love to see his face when he eats anything!"

"I put a lot of gay porn under his bed," said Quagmire. "I would love to see his face when his wife findsds them!"

"I put C4 in the bathroom," said Peter, much to Quagmire and Joe's shock. "I would love to see his face when he goes to the toilet!"

Suddenly, the whole houses explodes.

"Well, guess that we aren't going to see his face anymore," said Peter nonchalantly.

**End Flashback**

"Fortunately, I was able to convince everybody that we weren't in Al Qaeda," said Joe.

"Well, thank God that it was just a joke," said Lois. "Well, let's enjoy the rest of the party!"

And so, the party went on and ended. Everybody had a great time...everybody except somebody who was a bit more affected than everybody else by Quagmire and Joe's prank.

Later, that night, while everybody where asleep, they were suddenly awoken by somebody's screams. It came from Chris' room. Everybody got up and went to see what was happening.

"The Mad Woodsman! The Mad Woodsman is going to get me!" said Chris. "Please, don't kill me, I'm not a corrupt cop!"

"Chris, wake up!" said Peter, and shook his son.

"Well, I won't die without putting up a fight!" said Chris, punching Peter in the face.

"Ah! You son of a bitch!" said Peter, who was about to hit him back, but Lois stopped him.

Chris then woke up.

"The Mad Woodsman...! Hey, what are you doing here?" asked Chris, noticing that the whole family was there.

"We heard you yell something," said Lois. "And we came to see what was happening."

"Did you have a nightmare?" asked Meg.

"Yes...the Mad Woodsman wanted to kill me..." said Chris.

"Yeah, we know," said Matt bitterly.

"Well, it was only a nightmare," said Lois, trying to reassure her son. "Try to sleep again, and think of things you like, not of woodsmen."

"You know, I like woodsmen because-" Stewie was about to say.

"NO MORE GAY JOKES!" shouted Rosie, and used her powers to push him away.

"Ow!" Stewie yelled, standing up, "What? I was just going to say that they provide us with the lumber we need to build homes like the one we live in. Christ, you're uptight."

Rosie blinked for a few moments.

"There had to be one time," Brian admitted.

"Can I sleep with you guys, just for tonight?" asked Chris.

"Chris, you know that our bed won't hold you and your dad's weight together," said Lois. "Good night."

Everybody went back to their respective bedrooms, and fell asleep in no time...only to be awaken by Chris' screams again. They went again to reassure Chris, but had no effect. Chris spent the rest of the night screaming. The very next day, as anybody may think, all of the Griffins were very exhausted.

"God, I'm so tired," said Lois. "I had to tell Lana that I couldn't go to the cake shop today."

"Yeah, I'm tired too," said Meg.

"We have to do something about Chris' nightmares," said Brian. "Maybe we could take him to a psychologist."

"No, we have to think of something faster," said Rosie. "Mom, do you think that you could cure uncle Chris with the spellbook?"

"I don't know, but I could try," said Meg. "If I was able to give your grandpa superpowers without the risk of collateral damage, guess that I can do this."

**Flashback**

Lois and Meg were in the living room watching TV, when Peter walks in, very slowly.

"Heeeeeeelloooooooo...Iiiiiiiiiiii'm hoooooooommmmmmmeeeeee," said Peter very slowly.

"Peter? What's wrong wit you? Why are you so slow?" asked Lois. "Well...slower than usual."

"Oh, dad asked for superpowers, and I gave him super-slow speed," said Meg.

"But...that's not superpowers! That's only a super handicap!" said Lois.

"I know, but he doesn't realize it, and he's happy, right?"

Peter then walked very slowly to the kitchen.

**End Flashback**

Later, that night, Meg, is setting a possible spell to cure Chris from his nightmares.

"I read that there's a place where you can go to anybody's dreams," said Meg. "I only need to go there, and get rid of what's haunting Chris."

"Sounds fun. I think that I'm going to go with you," said Matt.

"Are you sure? It can be dangerous."

"Hey, I still got those wind powers you gave me," said Matt, channeling a small tornado to show her.

"Alright, but we have to be careful," said Meg. "Here it says that altering somebody's dreams may result in massive changes of personality and psyche."

"So, if we mess too much with his head, we will turn him even dumber?" asked Matt.

Meg began to think. "No, that's not possible."

"The there's nothing to worry," said Matt.

"Portal to the Dream Land, open!" Meg called.

A dimensional gate opened in front of Meg and Matt, and they jumped in. The next second, they were in some sort of office, with loads of filling cabinets, where an old man, who wore a white shirt and black overalls was doing some paperwork.

"Hey, where are we?" asked Meg.

The man looked at Meg.

"You're in the Dream Land. I'm the Sandman, the manager of this place."

"This is the Dream Land?" asked Matt, a bit disappointed. "I didn't expect it to be something like this?"

"And what did you expect? An enchanted green meadow with unicorns and elves?" asked the Sandman angrily.

"My God, this guy's irritable," said Meg.

"Yes! And do you know why? Because it's been ages since the last time I slept myself! I have to work here all the time, arranging people's dreams!" said the man harshly. "And now tell me what the hell are you doing here, since you don't seem to be from the syndicate."

"My brother has nightmares, and I thought that I could get rid of them by coming here," said Meg.

"Okay, go ahead," said the Sandman.

"Wait, that's it? Are you going to let us to mess with somebody's dreams that easily?" asked Matt.

"Boy, do you know how much they pay me? I'll tell you: not enough to care!" said the Sandman. "So knock yourselves out."

"How can we enter in Chris' dreams?" asked Meg.

"See that computer?" said the Sandman pointing to a nearby computer attached to the wall. "Type the name of your brother, and you'll be there in a blink."

Meg did so, and they suddenly where absorbed by a white light. The next second, they were in a hallway.

"Where are we?" asked Matt.

The hallway had some doors: Peter Griffin, Lois Griffin, Meg Griffin...

"Hey these are the doors of the rest of the family's dreams," said Meg.

"Here is Chris' door," said Matt, pointing a door with Chris' name on it. "Come on, let's go in!"

The door led to a beautiful meadow, populated by many plants and cute animals.

"So, this is Chris' Dream Land?" asked Meg. "I don't see Chris..."

"There he is!" said Matt, pointing forward.

Chris was running and laughing, holding a huge paintbrush. He used the paintbrush to paint a horse. However, the horse then came to life. Chris tried to ride the horse, but the time he got on the animal, it crushed it, reducing it to a puddle of paint.

"Hahahahahaha!" laughed Chris idiotically while clapped.

"Chris!" called Meg.

"Hey, Meg! Look what can I do!" said Chris, and he painted a rather cute cat. "It's a kitty!"

The cat came to life like the horse did before it.

"Hey, do you have some whiskey?" asked the cat in a deep male voice.

"Why do you have Clint Eastwood's voice?" asked Matt, confused.

"Well, this is Chris' dream after all," said Meg with a shrug.

Suddenly, the sky was covered in black clouds, and a thunder clapped. They heard steps in the distance.

"This cat's getting outta here," said the cat, before running away.

"Hey, what's going on?" asked Chris.

Suddenly, a lightning stroke the ground, and a shadowy figure stepped from the resulting crater.

"Haha! Fear me, puny people! I'm the Mad Woodsman, and I'm here to kill all of you!" menaced the Woodsman, letting out a maniac laugh.

"AAAAAAAAHHHHHH!The Mad Woodman! He's going to kill me!" screamed Chris in terror.

"Chris, calm down!" said Matt, as he walked towards the Woodsman. "It's just Quagmire with a mask. See?"

And Matt removed the Woodsman's hockey mask, revealing what was behind. But it wasn't Quagmire's face.

"HOLY F(Bleep!)CKING C(Bleep!)CK-SECTION" yelled Matt when he saw the Woodsman face. "PUT IT BACK! PUT IT BACK!" said Matt, putting the hockey mask back on the woodsman's face.

"I think that I'm going to throw up!" said Meg. "Why the hell is not Quagmire?"

"Well, since we're in Chris' dreams, he may not see the Woodsman as Quagmire, but a monster," reasoned Matt.

"So, what are we going to do about it?" asked Meg.

The Woodsman charged at Meg and swung his axe at her. Meg, however, dove to the side.

"Guess the answer is obvious," said Matt.

"Chris, go and hide somewhere while Matt and me deal with this weirdo!" said Meg, using a spell to change to her witch outfit.

"Okay!" said Chris. He used his paintbrush to make a badly drawn tree, and hid behind it.

"You ready Matt?" Meg asked to no response. She looked over to see him staring at her outfit. She rolled her eyes and snapped her fingers at him, "FOCUS!"

"Sorry," Matt replied, turning his attention to the Woodsman.

"So, you want to protect the fat boy?" asked the Woodsman. "Then you'll die first!"

The woodsman charged at Matt, but Matt simply cast a tornado at him, knocking his axe out of his hands.

"No! My axe! Hope you're happy, now I can't kill anybody!"

"Oh, shut up!" said Meg, and summoned a pink ball of energy between her hands. The ball then fired a beam of energy at the Woodsman, killing him instantly.

"AAAAAAAAAARRGHHHHHHH!" screamed the Woodsman while he turned into smoke.

Boy, that was easy," said Meg. "I thought that it would be a longer, more epic battle."

"Is he gone?" asked Chris.

"Yes. You can enjoy your idiotic dreams again," said Matt. "Come on Meg, let's go. Now we will be able to sleep."

Meg and Matt returned to the real world. Chris wasn't screaming anymore, and didn't have any nightmares. This looks to be the end of the chapter, but no, it isn't.

The very next day, everybody was very exhausted. Why, you may ask, if Chris has nightmares no more? Well, the reason is that this time, everybody else had nightmares.

"I had such an horrible nightmare," said Lois, who had black rings around her eyes. "I had to do everything my dad said. It was horrible!"

"I had a nightmare too," said Peter. "All of you agreed into forcing me to go to alcoholic anonymous!"

"In my dream, Matt was beating me up!" said Meg.

"Well, I dreamed that both you and Lois were beating me up!" said Matt. "Instead of the usual dream in which you and Lois mud wrestle each other..."

"What?" said Meg and Lois in unison.

"Nothing!" replied Matt quickly.

"In my dream, Schwarzenegger was president of America!" said Brian, and everybody gasped.

"Wow, that was a real nightmare," said Matt.

"Meg, can't you cure us like you did with Chris? He slept like baby tonight," said Lois.

"Yeah, it would be a good idea," said Mat. "I'm usually against the idea of magic on people, but sometimes it's good, like that time you removed that bad memory from my head.

**Matt's Memory**

Outside of a stadium, several WWE wrestlers are singing autographs. One of them comes close to Matt, much to the boy's joy.

"Will you give me your autograph?" asked Matt.

"Sure!" said the wrestler. "What's your name?"

"Matthew," said Matt, excited.

The wrestler gives Matt back an autograph.

"There you go," said the wrestler.

"Thank you, Chris Benoit! You're the best!" said Matt.

**End of Memory**

"Alright," said Meg. "This night I'll go to everybody's dreams and purge them of nightmares."

Later, that afternoon, Meg was working at Daphne's gardening store, but she wasn't working as good as usual due to the lack of sleep.

"Hey, Meg, something wrong?" asked Daphne.

"Oh, it's that I didn't sleep well," said Meg.

"Nightmares?" guessed Daphne.

Meg nodded in response.

"I see," said Daphne. "Well, I can prepare you a special tea that will help you to sleep."

"Oh, don't worry. This night I'll go to the Dream Land and erase all my nightmares, like I did with Chris."

Daphne opened her eyes wide, and dropped her jaw.

"You did WHAT?" asked Daphne.

"Chris wasn't able to sleep since he had nightmares, so Matt and I went to the Dram Land and removed it from its head," explained Meg.

Daphne sighed.

"Guess that I should tell you about this," said Daphne. "But what you did was very stupid."

"Huh?"

"Meg, you didn't remove Chris' nightmares, just took it out if his head. If you, and probably your family is having nightmares is because Chris' nightmare is now wandering free through your minds!"

"What!" asked Meg. "What can we do to kill it for sure?"

"You can't," said Daphne. "The nightmare comes from Chris' fear of something. That nightmare will be destroyed if Chris overcomes his fear. However, it must be in Chris' head for him to do that."

"I see," said Meg. "God, this is going to be harder than when mom tries to make dad to eat something healthy."

**Flashback**

It's lunch time. Lois serves the food.

"Lois, what is this?" asked Peter.

"Cauliflower," said Lois. "We've been eating too much meat as for lately, and I think that we could eat some vegetables too."

"There's no way I'm eating this," protested Peter.

"Come on, it's not that bad," said Lois. He then picked a few cauliflower with the fork and brought it near Peter's mouth. "Come on, eat it. I'm sure you'll like it."

"No!" said Peter childishly.

"Come on, open your mouth,"

But Peter closed his mouth instead.

"Come on, be reasonable" said Lois.

Peter growled in response.

"EAT THE DAMN CAULIFLOWER!" yelled Lois as he broke a chair on Peter's head.

**End Flashback**

That night, Meg and Matt are going to go to the Dram Land again, ready to bring Chris' nightmares back to him.

"You again?" asked the Sandman when he saw the two teenagers. "What do you want now?"

"Do you really want to know?" asked Matt.

"Honestly? No," said the Sandman flatly. "You already know how this place works."

Meg typed Griffin on the computer, and they were transported to the same hallway they were the other time.

"Okay, here are the doors to the dreams of our family," said Matt. "Now, where that nightmare would be?"

"Guess that we have to check every door one by one," said Meg. "Let's start with yours."

Meg opened the door, and saw a wrestling arena. However, instead of WWE wrestlers like anybody reading this fanfic would expect, there were Lois and Meg mud-wrestling.

"What the hell is this?" asked Meg, outraged.

"It's obvious that the nightmare isn't here, so let's try another door," said Matt quickly, almost pushing Meg out of his dreams. "Let's see if it's in Peter's dreams..."

They entered Peter's Dream Land, which was a colorful house with the weirdest decoration ever. Furniture was stuck in the walls and roof, and there were strange stuffed animals everywhere. They also saw Peter, who was jumping in a hopper.

"Hehehehehehehehehe!" laughed Peter.

"So, this is dad's dram?" asked Meg. "It's less weird than I expected."

"Hey, Peter!" said Matt.

"Huh?" asked Peter, noticing the newcomers. "Hey! This is my funhouse! You can't be here!"

"No, is MY funhouse!"

Everybody saw that Carter just walked through the door.

"What? No way! This house is mine!" said Peter.

"Not anymore. I bought it. Now is my borehouse," said Carter, and suddenly, the house became completely gray, and the furniture disappeared.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!...well, at least I have my hopper," said Peter.

Carter then pulled out a needle, and popped it. Peter then began to cry.

"Wait a minute...you're the nightmare!" said Meg, changing to her witch clothes in a flash of light. "Come here!"

"Crap!" said Carter, who suddenly turned into a bat. "Okay, catch me if you can!" said the bat, flying away.

"He won't go too far," said Meg, summoning her magic broomstick. Meg and Matt got on it, and chased the bat.

Suddenly, they saw a dimensional rift opening, and the bat escaping through said rift. Meg and Matt crossed the rift too, which closed shortly after.

"Where are we?" asked Meg.

It was night. Meg and Matt were in some sort of city with canals.

"This looks to be Venice..." concluded Matt. "I remember being here some years ago."

"I think that I know whose dream is this," said Meg, looking at a nearby canal. "Look!"

They saw Brian and Jillian in a gondola, hugging to each other.

"This night is so perfect..." said Brian.

"Yeah, I love that you brought me to this flooded city, it's so funny!" said Jillian.

"Now, Jillian, since I became super rich with my novels, I'm finally able to ask you this question," said Brian, pulling out a small box. "Jillian, will you-"

"Excuse me," said a new voice. Brian saw that there was a new guy in the gondola.

"Who are you? And how did you get here?" asked Brian.

"I'm Derek Wilcox, and I'm here to steal your girlfriend," said Derek.

"WHAT? You can be serious!"

"Well, let's see what your future ex-girlfriend thinks," said Derek. "I can fix a broken elbow, I speak many languages, and many more things. And I'm very handsome. As you can see, I'm perfect. "

"Well, you can do all the things you want, I love my oogy!" said Jillian, hugging Brian tightly.

"See? Jillian Loves me!" said Brian, triumphant.

"I also have a huge penis," said Derek.

"Get lost, Snoopy!" said Jillian, pushing Brian from the gondola. She then started to make out with Derek.

"Jillian, no! Don't leave me!" said Brian from the water.

"Guess that's the nightmare," said Meg. "I'll get it!"

Meg dived at Derek, but he saw her. With a hand motion, suddenly a huge wave formed from the canal.

"Oh, shit!" said Meg.

"Don't worry, leave it to me!" said Matt.

Matt then channeled two tornado through his arms, and directed it at the wave, which began to shrink until it completely disappeared in the canal.

"Ha! Tell me I'm not great," boasted Matt.

"Alright, if that's what you want," replied Meg, "You're not great."

"Aww," Matt said dissapointedly.

"But the nightmare's gone!" said Meg. "Where is he?"

"Maybe he went to another dream, there has to be another rift here," said Matt. "This is a big city, and we may take a lot of time and..."

"Found it!" said Meg, pointing to the rift.

"Or maybe not," said Matt with a shrug. "Let's go!"

Meg and Matt left Brian's Dream Land.

"Hey, somebody help me!" said Brian, still in the water. "Idiots..."

Suddenly, a big wave washed him back onto the streets. Brian shook off the water to notice a priest grinning smugly at him.

"Coincidence," Brian replied.

Meg and Matt arrived at the next Dream Land. Now it was morning, maybe noon. They were in a forest.

"Wonder whose dream is this," said Meg, curious.

"Wow, look at that!" said Matt, pointing to an impressive castle near them.

"Let's go in. The nightmare is probably there," said Meg.

They entered in the castle, but there were no guards or whatever. The place was empty. There was a huge picture of Jillian.

"Well, this is Jillian's dream..."

"Hello?" asked Matt, only to be answered by the echo. "Anybody home?"

"This place is as empty as her head," said Meg. "But she has to be here."

"She'll probably be in the master bedroom. We should go there first." suggested Matt.

And, like Matt said, Jillian was there. The master bedroom was a huge pink room. There was a queen size canopy bed, with lots of stuffed animals, and Jillian between them, wearing a nightdress. She was watching TV.

"Jillian?" asked Meg.

"Oh, hi, Meg!" said Jillian. "Do you want to see Laguna Beach with me? There's a 24 hour marathon!"

"Eh...maybe later," said Meg. "Jillian, did you-"

"Wait, they're going to say something!" said Jillian.

"We inform that Laguna Beach has been canceled forever!" said the TV announcer.

"NOOOOOOO!" screamed Jillian. "Well, there are plenty of other shows I can watch..."

"American Idol has been canceled too!" said the TV announcer. "And Next, Date My Mom, Room Raiders...let's say that MTV went down."

"NOOOOOOOOOOOO!" screamed Jillian again.

"WOOT!," yelled Matt, only to notice Meg and Jillian glaring at him, "I mean... no, the humaity!"

"Guess that I spotted the nightmare!" said Meg, blasting the TV.

"Oh no! You killed my TV! How could you!" said Jillian in shock. "Although there was nothing worth watching..."

Suddenly, the TV grew a pair of mechanical arms and legs, and stood up.

"Geez, do you never give up?" asked the TV. "Because this is becoming annoying..."

"Never! " said the TV as he jumped out of a widow. They looked through it, and they saw another dimensional rift. As expected, they jumped there too, leaving Jillian's dream.

"The TV's gone...what am I going to do now?" said Jillian before noticing something laying in the floor. "Hey, coloring books!"

Meg and Matt landed on the next Dream Land. It was a familiar place.

"Hey, this is Chris' Dream Land!" said Matt. "We did it!"

"Not yet," said Meg. "Chris has to defeat him, or else he will wander through our dreams endlessly."

"Now we have to find them..." said Matt.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!" screamed Chris from afar. He was running away from something. As they guessed, it was the Mad Woodsman.

"Come here so I can kill you!" said the Woodsman. "No, wait, if I say that you're not going to come...let me think...come here so I can give you free candies!"

"Yay! Free candies!" said Chris, and turned back. "I like candies!"

"... and then I'll kill you!" said the Woodsman, much to Chris' horror.

Chris, however, tripped over. The Woodsman laughed maniacally.

"Any last words before I kill you, fat boy?" asked the Woodsman while rising his axe.

"No, please, don't kill me!" begged Chris. "Kill Brian instead! He's a dog and nobody will miss him!"

"Chris!" shouted Meg. "Don't let him scare you!"

"Yes! It's just a nightmare! Like when I'm being forced to watch all of Seltzer And Friedberg's movies!" said Matt. "Fight him!"

"Really?" asked Chris. "Yeah...it's true! There's no Woodsman! You're just Quagmire disguised!"

Chris removed the Woodsman's masks, and this time it was Quagmire.

"Oh, you got me!" said Quagmire. "Guess that I don't scare anymore. Well, I'm leaving. Enjoy your dreams!"

Quagmire then vanished.

"We finally did it," said Matt.

"No. Chris did it," said Meg. "Come on, let's go back to the real world."

The next morning, everybody looked much more rested. Nobody had nightmares again.

"I'm so proud of you, Chris," praised Lois.

"Why? He only overcame a stupid fear," said Matt.

"Well, there aren't going to be too many chances in which I'll be able to say this," said Lois.

"Touché," said Matt.

"Anyway, I'm glad that I didn't have any bad dreams," said Peter. "Like when I dreamed that they released an Avatar movie where Katara and Sokka were white."

Everybody looked at Peter.

"Should we tell him?," asked Meg.

"Nah, let him spin," Brian remarked.

**End Chapter**

**Mini Fanmail**

"So, once again, we're going to answer some of the fans questions!" said Meg. "Let's see, our first letter is from Hotstreak,"

_Hotstreak asks: Dear Rosie,if Meg and Peter were both on the edge of a cliff and you only had time save one of them who would you choose? _

"Dude, that's a cruel question!" said Rosie in disgust. "But the answer would be mom. Not only for love, but grandpa drinks a lot and is very fat, so I don't think that he'll go past 60."

"Alright, next question, from CartoonCrazy96."

_CartoonCrazy96 asks: Stewie if you had to choose between living with Rosie or being killed by Flare which would you choose? _

"So, you're basically asking if I had to choose between to live or to die. That's just stupid! Well, to live, of course, even if it has to be with Rosie ," answered Stewie.

"Okay, let's see if the next question is a bit more normal," said Meg, reading another letter. "Here's a letter from Aldovas, with two questions."

_Aldovas asks:_

_Lois, do you think that you're old? _

"What the hell? Why should I think that?" asked Lois, outraged. "I know that I'm far from being a teenager, but I'm somebody very lively."

_Meg: aren't you afraid that Connie, Neil and the Doom Knight can make an alliance to destroy you? _

"Honestly, no," said Meg. "Okay, let's go to the next letter, from truth squad."

_Truth Squad asks:_

_Life: What did you think when Peter and Lois tried to get an abortion when she was pregnant with Meg so late? _

Life appeared in a flash of light.

"Hey, I finally got a question to answer!" cheered Life. "Well, it was wrong. Life is something sacred, and should be respected in all its forms. Fortunately, they didn't succeed."

"All life is sacred?" asked Brian. "What about Hitler?"

"WILL YOU STOP THAT!" said Life angry.

_Rosie: Do you ever get frustrated or sad when Stewie is mean to you? _

"Well, not too much," said Rosie with a shrug. "Besides, if he's mean to me, I have a reason to be mean to him. And remember which of us has magic powers and who doesn't."

_Last but not least Meg: What is the most embarassing or disastrous moment when a spell backfired? _

"Okay, let me remember..."

**Flashback**

Meg is about to enter in the school's cafeteria.

"Okay, according to the book, this spell will make me immensely popular among my peers."

Meg's recited the spell, and after a flash of light, she was dressed as Hannah Montana, wig included.

"Hey look! Meg likes Miley Cyrus!" said a random student.

Meg ran away ashamed while everybody laughed at her.

**End Flashback**

"Sorry, but I can't remember a spell backfiring," lied Meg. "Now let's go to our last letter, from Rocket6293:"

_Rocket6293 asks:_

_Here is a second parter to the question I asked you last time. If you lost your magic powers, would you still have your self esteem that you gained after getting magic powers? Would you still have the confidence you need to stand up to anyone who tries to pick on you? _

"Yes. Even if I didn't had magic powers, I'll find a way to stand against people who would make fun of me. I already did before being a witch."

"Come on, that's a lie!" said Peter. "If you didn't had magic powers, what could you do if I, for example, picked on you?"

Meg turned at Peter and kicked him in the groin. Peter collapsed to the floor, with his hands on his injured parts.

"Okay...you convinced me..."

_Peter: I still think your wife is a smoking hot woman. What are you going to do about it? _

"You son of a bitch!" Peter growled, throwing a punch at the camera and cutting the shot to static.

**End Mini Fanmail.**


	43. Peter's Magical Wife

**Chapter 43: Peter's Magical Wife**

**Author's Note: I want to set something regarding this fic's continuity: this fic is set after the ending of Season 6, so all the things that happened during the next seasons won't be taken into account. This is, Cleveland never moved, Diane Simmons is still alive, Jillian never met Derek (obviously) and so on. Well, let's go with the new chapter:**

It was afternoon in Quahog. Lois, was working in her cake shop with her partner Mrs. Lockhart, and Nathalie and Zoe. Matt had already left for the day.

"It's six O'clock," said Lois. "Closing time!"

The red headed woman could hear her employees cheering. They removed their aprons and stored them in a closet, and headed home. Mrs. Lockhart offered to give Lois a ride home.

"Today's been two years since Bruce and I started dating," said Mrs. Lockhart. "So we're going out for dinner."

"That sounds really romantic, Lana," replied Lois.

"What about Peter?" asked Lana. "Does he do anything romantic to show how much he loves you?"

"S-sure," lied Lois. "In fact, for our last anniversary, he took me to a very exotic place,"

**Flashback**

Peter and Lois are in jail.

"Why do all our anniversaries have to be like this?" complained Lois.

**End Flashback**

Mrs. Lockhart dropped Lois at her house. Lois thought that maybe she could have a romantic lunch with Peter. She entered in the house, and she saw Stewie and Rosie watching TV.

"And now we return with _Ben 10: Alien Farce_!" said the TV announcer.

**Cutaway to TV**

Ben, Gwen and Kevin are about to fight Vilgax.

"Okay, Tennyson, give me the Omnitrix, and I shall spare your miserable life!" demanded Vilgax.

"It seems that you never learn, right?" asked Ben, cocky. "Well, it's always a pleasure to kick your ass!" Ben then activates the Omnitrix, and turns into Humongosaur.

"Humongosaur!" yelled Ben.

"Okay, could you stop doing that?" asked Gwen.

"Doing what?"

"Yelling the name of the alien you turn into every time you use the Omnitrix,"said Kevin. "It feels awkward."

"Oh really? You know what else is awkward? Your name! Kevin E. Levin! Is like your mom wanted your name to sound like a pun!"

"You said you'll never bring that again, bastard!" complained Kevin.

**End Cutaway**

"Hello everybody," saluted Lois. "I'm back home,"

"Hello grandma," said Rosie.

"Peter!" asked Lois. "Come here, I want to ask you something! Peter?"

"He's not here, mom," said Meg, entering in the room. "He went to the Clam about an hour ago."

"Oh," said Lois in disappoint. "And...did he say when he was going to come back?"

"No, but knowing dad, I wouldn't have any hope," said Meg. "What did you want to ask him, anyway?"

"It's been a while since your dad and I went out, so I thought that today we could go to a restaurant for dinner, but I guess that it has to be another day," said Lois, discouraged. "Well, let's see if I can find something to kill the time until dinner..."

"Mom, wait!" said Meg. Lois turned around. "I just thought of something..."

"What?"

"Remember that you asked me to give you magic powers?" asked Meg.

"Yeah, and we ended up in each others' bodies," said Lois sourly.

"Well, I think that we could try again," said Meg. "What do you say?"

"If nothing weird is going to happen this time..." said Lois.

"Oh, don't worry," said Meg, reassuring her mother. "The kids won't move from there. They're sucked by the TV."

Stewie and Rosie were watching TV, with their eyes wide open, not even blinking, and drooling.

"And dad's at the Clam, so there's virtually nothing that can screw things up," said Meg.

"Why do I get the feeling that everybody's been ignoring me lately?" asked Chris offscreen.

Meanwhile, in the Clam, Peter is having a drink with his friends, when he suddenly shivers.

"Hey, what's wrong, Peter?" asked Joe.

"I don't know," said Peter. "But I had the feeling that I should be at home."

"Don't say that, you have to be here," said Joe. "Since this is the last time I'm going to have a drink with you guys for a while."

"What? Why?" asked Peter in shock.

"Yeah, I'm going to a police seminar about interrogations in Washington," said Joe. "Apparently, there are too many 24 fans among the police. The good thing is that we'll be in a five star hotel."

"What a coincidence, I'm going to be out of Quahog for a while too," said Quagmire. "I got a lawsuit from a Californian girl who claims that I've impregnated her some years ago, but I'm sure it's false."

"Shame," said Peter. "Well, Cleveland, it seems that we're going to stay alone for a while."

"Honestly, I'm not going to be here either," said Cleveland.

"Aw, come on!" said Peter. "Why?"

"A woman in Providence said that a black man raped her, so the Rhode Island Police called every black man for a lineup. It will take a while."

"My three best friends are going to be absent for God knows how much time," said Peter, depressed. "This is going to suck more than that uncensored version of The Little Mermaid."

**Cutaway**

A little girl and her mom exit a cinema.

"Mom, why did Ariel started bleeding for no reason shortly after becoming human?" asked the little girl.

"Uhhhh...I'll tell you when you're older," said the mother, totally flustered.

**End Cutaway**

Meanwhile, back at home, Meg and Lois were in the kitchen. Meg has already given Lois some magic powers, and now she's teaching her how to use them.

"Okay, now I want you to concentrate and levitate that chair," said Meg, pointing to one of the kitchen chairs.

"Alright," said Lois.

Lois concentrated, like Meg said, and channeled her energy towards the chair. A blue beam fired from Lois' hands and blew up the chair with a huge explosion.

"Okay... A+ on blowing things up," said Meg optimisticly, "But don't worry, you'll get better."

Brian entered the kitchen.

"I heard an explosion! What the hell happened?" said Brian, visibly alarmed.

"Oh, nothing," said Lois. "Meg was teaching me magic, and apparently I'm not very good at it."

"I see," Brian said, now more relaxed. "Meg, could you teach me magic too?"

"Why?" asked Meg. "Do you need magic?"

"Well, no, but...Lois doesn't need it either!" said Brian.

"I'd like to see you doing all the housework I do every day," said Lois, annoyed.

Peter then entered the house.

"Hey, I'm home!" said Peter, entering in the kitchen. "Watcha doing?"

"Oh, hello, Peter," greeted Lois. "Meg is teaching me to use magic. It isn't great?"

"What? Aw, come on Meg! Why is it you're okay with giving Lois magic powers but not me?" asked Peter. "Do you think that I'm going to make an irresponsible use of them?"

"Yes," replied Meg without hesitation.

"Alright, alright," backed off Peter. "Anyway, all my friends are going to be out of Quahog for a time, and since you're constantly asking me to do things together, this is a good chance."

"Oh, so you're basically saying that you want to spend time with me because there's nothing better to do?" asked Lois, outraged.

"Exactly," said Peter. "You got it right."

"Sorry, but no," said Lois, arms crossed. "I'm your wife, Peter, not some kind of replacement of your friends."

"Aw, come on, you won't have anything better to do either," said Peter.

"Actually, I already told you that Meg is teaching me magic," said Lois. "And I'm very good at it."

Meg gave her a confused look.

"Meanwhile," Lois continued. "I hope that you learn from this situation to appreciate your family better. Come on Meg, let's keep practicing."

Frustrated, Peter walked to the living room. There was Brian watching TV.

"Hey Brian!" said Peter, enthusiastic. "My longtime, dear friend! How about if we do something together, like the old times?"

"Sure, why not," replied Brian. "I've been quite busy with Jillian and the kids and I think that some fun would be-"

Suddenly, Brian's cell phone rang. It was Jillian.

"Oh, hi, Jilly-bean," said Brian. "No, I was about to go for a walk with Peter, why do you ask? No...no, don't touch it...no, it's okay...no, don't call the police! I'll be there in a minute!" and Brian hung up.

"What did she want?" asked Peter.

"The light bulb of her kitchen blew up, and I have to change it," said Brian. "Guess that we have to put off what you planned to do today."

"Geez, I don't even have Brian anymore," lamented Peter. "This is worse than that time I lost my flashlight."

**Flashback**

Peter was turning the basement upside down.

"Dad, what are you doing?" asked Chris.

"I'm looking for my flashlight," said Peter. "Have you seen it?"

"No," replied Chris. "But you're going to have a lot of trouble finding it in the dark." Chris then notices something. "Hey, what don't you use this flashlight? This way you can find your flashlight faster."

"Thanks Chris, you got a really good idea." said Peter.

**End Flashback**

Later, Peter was in the Drunken Clam, drinking alone. He missed his friends and Lois wouldn't spend any time with him.

"Feeling down?" asked a female voice.

Peter saw a black haired woman, with a red shirt that left exposed her cleavage, a black skirt that went down her knees, a leather belt and brown boots.

"Yeah," said Peter. "Wait, who the hell are you?"

"Oh, sorry. My name's Lindsay." said Lindsay. "I saw you here and thought that you wanted some company."

"Are you a hooker?" asked Peter.

Lindsay laughed.

"Oh, no! By 'company' I didn't mean that," said Lindsay. "I know you're married."

"How did you know that I'm married?" asked Peter.

"Your ring," said Lindsay, pointing to Peter's wedding ring.

"Wow...you're very intelligent," said Peter, amazed. "Do it again!"

"Um...okay. You're sad because your friends left, aren't you?" said Lindsay.

"Yes!" said Peter, excited. "Wow, you're really good!"

"So...how about if I get you a drink?" asked Lindsay. "We could drink together. I'm new in town, and I'd like to have a friend or something."

"Freaking sweet!" said Peter. "God, I wish Lois would drink with me too. But no, she's a total bore. She thinks that everything I do is 'irresponsible and dangerous'," said Peter mockingly. "I used to have friends that did these kind of things with me but now they aren't here."

"That sounds rather interesting," said Lindsay. "Why don't you tell me some of the cool stuff you do?"

"Really? Do you want to hear that?" asked Peter. "Not just Lois, but no other woman was intersted in that."

"Yes, go ahead."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes."

"No kidding?"

"No."

"Are you really interested?"

"I already told you. Yes."

"You're not going to tell me to shut up and that I'm boring, right?"

"No."

"But what if-?"

"ENOUGH WITH THAT!" yelled Lindsay, angered.

"Okay, okay," said Peter. "Well, for example, three weeks ago, my friend Quagmire met this guy and..."

Hours later, at the Griffin house, Lois is still practicing her newly acquired magic powers. She was now levitating a chair.

"Okay, you're getting the basics," said Meg. "With some more practice, Daphne could teach you some advanced spells."

Brian then entered the house, looking exhausted.

"Oh, hello, Brian," greeted Lois. "How are Jillian and the kids?"

"Fine," said Brian. "Since I was there, I spent some quality time with them. But Jillian also wanted me to fix some other things."

"Ohhhhh...somebody got lucky, huh?" teased Lois. But Brian just stared at her blankly.

"Why does everybody have to do that? Why everybody has the need to find a double entendre for every line?" asked the dog, annoyed. "No, I didn't have sex with her this time. We don't have sex when our kids are there."

"Yeah, what kind of neglectful parent would do that?" asked Lois, suspiciously shifting her eyes.

"Well, Jillian isn't fond of electronics," said Meg. "Remember that time she bought an Exercycle."

**Flashback**

Jillian is pedaling the Exercycle. She then stops, and frowns.

"Why won't bike move?"

**End Flashback**

"Anyway, what about Peter?" asked Brian. "He must have been bored as hell."

"Now that you mention it...he hasn't come home yet," said Lois, a bit surprised. "He went to the Clam, but since all his friends are out of town, I expected him to be here by now."

"Grandma, do you think that grandpa drank so much that he fell into a coma?" asked Rosie.

"Aw Rosie, what a crazy idea..." laughed Lois. "...maybe." she stated bluntly.

Speak of the devil, at that moment, Peter arrived at home, with Lindsay, laughing.

"Hello everybody!" said Peter, cheerful.

"Oh, hello, Peter," said Lois. She did notice the woman who accompanied him. "Who's your friend?"

"Guys, this is Lindsay. I met her at the Clam." said Peter.

"Nice to met you," said Lindsay. "I'd love to stay and talk, but I have some things to do. I'll call you tomorrow."

Lindsay left the house.

"She's so awesome," said Peter, dreamy. "You should have seen her crunching an entire pack of beers against her forehead!"

"It seems that you two connected pretty quickly," said Lois, sarcastic.

"Oh, you have no idea," replied Peter. "If I wasn't married to you, I'd be doing her right now."

"So, you just met a woman who's attractive, nice, and is interested in you. Wonder what she smokes." said Brian.

"What?" asked Lois, turning at Brian.

"Nothing," said Brian quickly. "Anyway, I'm glad that you find somebody to replace your friends."

"Yeah, I never thought that women could be so cool," said Peter. "I haven't been this excited since I found Star Wars' darkest secret."

**Flashback**

Peter is watching Star Wars, and suddenly gasps.

"Oh my God!" said Peter in shock. "If you rearrange the letters of Sith, you get shit!"

**End Flashback**

Peter went upstairs.

"I don't know if I like Peter hanging out with that woman," said Lois. "There's something about her that bugs me."

"Ohhh, I think somebody's jealous!" teased Brian.

"Don't say such a stupid things! I'm not jealous! Peter may have an incredibly long list of defects, such as being an idiot, lazy, fat, an attention whore, unconsidered, impulsive, selfish, alcoholic, embarrassing, is constantly farting, and only cares for himself, but he's not a cheater!" said Lois. "It's just...that I don't like his new friend."

"Come on Lois, admit that you're jealous," insisted Brian. "It's kind of like when a kid doesn't play with his toy anymore, but gets angry when other kids play with that toy."

Lois sighed.

"You know, sometimes I feel that my marriage isn't as good as it used to be before," said Lois. "I really missed when Peter would leave everything to stay with me."

For the next days, Peter hung out with Lindsay, while Lois spent most of her free time practicing her magic powers with Meg. Peter was at the Drunken Clam with Lindsay.

"What's wrong, Peter?" asked Lindsay. "We've been here for two hours and you're only on your third beer."

"Oh, it's nothing, really," said Peter. "It's just that I'm not in the mood to drink."

"Okay, now I'm really sure that something's bugging you." said Lindsay. "Come on, tell me. You will feel better."

"Alright," sighed Peter. "These days have been great. We've done a lot of funny stuff, and it made me remember when Lois and I dated. And now...I don't know what happened to us..."

"Well, Peter, some people aren't mean to each other," said Lindsay. "You're a great man, and if Lois can't see that, she doesn't deserve you."

"You know, I think that I should go back and try to make amends with her," said Peter.

"Peter, wait."

"What?"

"Look into my eyes."

Peter did so, and Lindsay's eyes began to glow red. Peter tried to look away, but he found himself unable to.

"Now you're under my command," said Lindsay.

"I am under your command," repeated Peter in a monotonous tone.

"Excellent!" said Lindsay. "Now go back to your house, find the spellbook. I'll be waiting for you."

"As you wish," said Peter, and left the Clam.

"Okay, everything's going as planned," said Lindsay. "Soon I'll have the spellbook and Peter will be mine! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

The camera then zooms out to reveal that Horace was still there. Lindsay frowned.

"You, barman! How much did you hear?" asked Lindsay.

"Uhhh...not enough to figure out your machinations?" said Horace.

"Good, I thought that I had to kill you and-hey!"

Later, at the Griffin house, everybody is watching TV in the living room, when Peter came in.

"Hello, family," said Peter in the same monotonous tone.

"Oh, hi Peter," said Lois. "Where have you been?"

"I've been in the Clam, where nothing happened,"said Peter. "Now I'm going to the bathroom, and don't go upstairs under any circumstances."

"Peter, are you okay?" asked Matt.

"Of course. If my behavior seems strange to you, that's because I've been mixing meds with alcohol. Now I have to go upstairs. "

Peter left the room.

"There's something wrong with Peter," guessed Matt.

"DING DING DING! You won the 'Understatement of the century' award!'" mocked Stewie.

"Yeah, there was something strange about him...he looked more retarded than usual," pondered Matt.

"Really? Because he looked normal to me," said Brian, uninterested.

"Maybe we should talk to him," said Meg.

Meg, Lois and Matt went upstairs, and heard some noises coming from Meg's room. Much to their surprise, Peter was turning Meg's room upside down. He was holding the spellbook.

"Peter, what the hell are you doing?" asked Lois in shock.

Peter didn't reply, and ran out of the room, pretty much trampling Lois, Meg and Matt in the process.

"Why the hell did Peter do that?" asked Matt, standing up.

"I don't know, but knowing dad, it can't be anything good. We have to stop him!" urged Meg.

The trio then went downstairs, and saw the front door opened.

"What happened?" asked Brian. "I saw Peter with the spellbook running like there's no tomorrow!"

They went outside, where Peter was handing the spellbook to a black haired woman. It was Lindsay.

"You did good, Peter," said Lindsay.

"That's Peter's new friend, right?" asked Matt.

"Hey, you! What do you think you're doing?" asked Lois.

"Claiming what rightfully belongs to me!" replied Lindsay.

"Just who the hell are you?" asked Meg.

"Well, guess that there's no point in continuing with this charade. As you may guess, this was just a disguise. Behold my true form!" said Lindsay, as, in a flash of light, changed her appearance.

"Oh my God! It's Sarah Palin!" said Brian in horror.

Lindsay had, indeed, turned into Sarah Palin.

"What? Oh, wait, sorry, wrong costume," Lindsay then changed in another flash of light. Her new form resembled Lois, only with black hair.

"Lorraine!" said everybody in unison.

"Exactly," said Lorraine. "It's been a while, hasn't it? Now, if you excuse me, I have some things to do."

The witch cast a big fireball at the Griffins. Meg, however, was able to raise an energy shield to protect herself and the others. However, the explosion set the yard on fire. Lorraine then summoned her magic broomstick, and she and Peter got on. However, Peter was so heavy that the broomstick couldn't fly.

"Come on!" yelled Lorraine. "Geez, guess that I'll have to resort to this," she then snapped her fingers and shrunk Peter to a doll size, and flied away

"So, is that a new running gag?" asked Brian.

"There's no time for that! We have to put this fire out now!" urged Meg.

"Let me do it! My wind will blow this fire like a kid blows the candles of a birthday party!" said Matt.

"No!"

Matt cast some wind vortexes, but far from putting out the fire, it only spread it further.

"Look what you did, genius!" said Meg, angered.

"Sorry...I thought that..." stuttered Matt.

"Let me try something," said Lois. She concentrated, and her body began to glow blue. Lois waved her hands and summoned a column of water. Water streams came out of the water column, and in no time, they put the fire out.

"You did it, mom!" said Meg in joy.

"Yeah, you were great!" praised Brian.

"Maybe, but now we have to find that skanky doppelganger and rescue Peter," said Lois.

"Don't forget that she stole the spellbook," said Matt.

"Wha-oh... right... the spellbook, yeah," said Lois.

"Anyway, how are we going to find her?" asked Meg. "I don't know any tracking spells."

"Don't worry, we have a good tracker right here," said Matt, looking at Brian

"Who? Me?" asked Brian. "And how I'm supposed to find Peter?"

"Well, you're a dog, and dogs have a great sense of smell," said Meg.

"Oh, yeah," said Brian. "Sometimes I forget about that."

Meanwhile, in an abandoned warehouse, Lorraine had Peter tied to a chair while she was checking the spellbook. Peter was no longer under her mind control spell.

"What do you planning to do with me?" asked Peter in fear.

"I haven't thought in anything specific yet, aside from having lots of sex with you," said Lorraine.

"That's a good start," said Peter. "But aren't you going to tell me how did you plan this?"

"Oh, I almost forgot! Thanks for reminding me!" said Lorraine. "Well, after weeks of spying you, I realized that your marriage with Lois wasn't in its best state, so I thought that I could use it to my advantage. I caused your friends to be out of town for some time, so you'll have nobody to spend the day with. Then, under a disguise, I'll approach you and become your closest friend. You were supposed to leave Lois and come with me, but for some reason you didn't, so I had to resort to kidnapping you."

"By the way, could you untie me?"

"So you can escape? Sorry, but no, _cheri_."

"Well, I actually had to pee, but escaping is an even better idea," said Peter.

"You'll be there until you realize that I love you much more than that red headed bitch," stated Lorraine.

"Well, you can hold me all you want, I'll never leave Lois! Not even for another woman who looks identical to her, has a sexy french accent and is much better in the bed than her!"

"But why can't you see-"

"He said NO!" yelled a new voice.

Lorraine turned back and saw Lois, Meg, Brian and Matt.

"Oh, so came here to get your man?" asked Lorraine. "The man you had no interest in before?"

"That's not true!"

"Surrender, Lorraine! You're outnumbered! It's three on one!" said Matt.

"Maybe, but you fail to realize that the spellbook is now in my possession, and therefore I don't need my sisters' help to destroy you!"

Lorraine raised the spellbook over her head, and, and a red glow surrounded her body.

"Oh, yes, I feel unstoppable!"

Lorraine summoned a ball of fire in her palm the size of a goat, and launched it towards the three. At the last second, Meg lifted a shield and absorbed the spell. She retaliated with a pink beam of energy while Matt launched a tornado. Lorraine vanished in a cloud of smoke, dodging the attacks, and reappeared behind them. She blasted them with a wave of dark energy, knocking them off their feet. Meg, Lois and Matt shakily stood up, and attacked together with different elements. Lorraine absorbed the spells with a wall of fire. Summoning a large wave, Lois crashed it against the fire, smothering it, but Lorraine wasn't behind it. A fireball dropped on them from above, exploding and knocking them to the ground in a smoldering heap.

"She's so strong!" groaned Meg. "As long as she has the spellbook, we won't survive her strength!"

Meanwhile, Brian had snuck past the fight and untied Peter.

"Thanks Brian," said Peter.

"We have to do something before that crazed witch kills them!" said Brian. "Lorraine took many of Lois' traits, and nobody here knows Lois better than you. Come on Peter, think!"

"Don't worry Brian, I'll use every single cell of my brain to find a solution!" said Peter.

Inside Peter's brain, there's a pig sleeping. The pig briefly awakes, farts, and falls asleep again.

"I have nothing," said Peter with a shrug.

Back to the fight, Lorraine is still fighting with the Griffins and Kennedys.

"Wait, truce!" said Lois. "Enough fighting! Let's settle this already, just you and me! The winner gets both Peter and the book."

"Okay," said Lorraine, leaving the book on the floor.. "What have you thought?"

"It's something you're not going to like," said Lois.

"I can endure anything if Peter's going to be my reward," stated Lorraine.

Lois sighed heavily. "Okay, it's-HEY WHAT'S THAT?"

Lorraine turns around and Lois quickly roundhoused her evil twin, smashing her against a pile of crates.

"Well, I said that you weren't going to like it," sneered Lois.

"Lois!" said Peter.

"Peter!"

Lois and Peter embraced and shared a passionate kiss.

"Oh, Lois, you do love me!" said Peter. "Listen, I'm sorry. From now on, I'll spend more time with you, okay?"

"Well, I shouldn't have shunned you aside either," said Lois.

"You can spend more time together IN HELL!" yelled Lorraine, rising among the cracked crates. "DIE!"

Lorraine cast a huge fireball at Peter and Lois, but Matt quickly cast a tornado that crashed against the fireball. The fireball bounced back at Lorraine, and the explosion sent her flying into the sky, screaming.

"And you said wind vs fire was stupid," Matt gloated.

Meg looked at him with a scowl, "It still is."

"Aww," replied Matt, hanging his head.

"Come on guys, let's go back home," said Peter. "I don't think that we'll see her for a long time"

"Peter, why are your pants wet?" asked Matt.

"Do you know how long that bitch had me tied to that chair?" said Peter.

"For some reason, it didn't surprise me," said Brian dryly.

**End Chapter**

**Mini Fanmail**

"And here ends another chapter from The Spellbook," said Meg. "So, like usual, it's time to answer the letters from our beloved fans. The first one is from Hotstreak, for Brian and Jillian."

_Hotstreak asks:_

_Brian: would you cheat on Jillian like you cheated on Rita? _

"Who's Rita?" aked Brian, while a caption beneath him read "Continuity Gag". "Why would I cheat on Jillian? She's a gorgeous young bombshell!"

Brian then earned disproving stare from the rest of the family.

"I mean...of course not! How I could do that to the mother of my children?" asked Brian.

"What about Tracy Flannigan?" asked Peter. "She's the mother of your child too."

"Shut up!"

_Jillian:dear Jillian if Brian ever cheated on you what would you do to him? _

"Guess that I'd forgive him," said Jillian with a shrug.

"Really?" asked Lois, incredulous. "You'll forgive him that easily?"

"Yes. In fact, I still remember the last time Brian cheated on me..."

**Flashback**

Brian and Jillian are playing chess.

"Check mate," said Brian, moving a tower in diagonal.

"Hey, the tower doesn't move that way!" said Jillian. "You damn cheater!"

"Oh, sorry, Jilly-bean," apologized Brian. "You know how much I hate losing at chess..."

"Don't worry, oogie," said Jillian gently. "I get that reaction from every guy I beat at chess."

**End Flashback**

"It wasn't that kind of cheating I was...nevermind," said Lois.

"Wow, who would now that Paris Hilton here is a skilled chess player," said Stewie in amazement.

"Okay, our next letter is from RedemptionWarrior," said Meg.

_RedemptionWarrior asks:_

_Meg: What's the worst spell backfire you or another family member has had? _

"Well, I recall when dad used the spellbook to nullify gravity..."

**Flashback**

Peter is floating in the house. He's about to open a can of beer, but the beer then goes away due to the lack of gravity.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" yelled Peter.

**End Flashback**

_Rosie: If you were allowed another mythical animal as a pet, what would it be? _

"A gryphon, no pun intended," said Rosie. "They are half lion and half eagle. Two pets merged in one!"

_Lois: If Peter were to die in a horrible accident, who would you marry after you were done grieving, if anyone? _

"Well, even if Peter would be always in my memory, I have some needs that simple memories can supply, if you catch my drift," said Lois. "I think that Quagmire would be a good catch."

"Ow come on!" complained Brian. He then looked at Peter. "Don't you have anything to say?"

"Hey, if somebody's going to do my wife after I die, better a friend than a stranger," said Peter with a shrug.

_Matt: If all magic was erased from the world, what would you do? _

"I lived 18 years of my life thinking that magic didn't exist...so I wouldn't do anything," said Matt.

"We have another question from Aldovas," said Meg. "And it's for me."

_Aldovas asks:Meg, what would you do if there's an alliance of your worst enemies planning to destroy you? _

"Well, the answers obvious," said Meg. "I'll totally kick their asses!"

"How are you so sure?" asked Peter.

"Because I'm the protagonist of this fanfic. Do you need more reasons?" said Meg.

"Well, that's a good reason," admitted Peter.

_Lois: Do you find yourself attracted to Natalie when you are back in your own body? _

"Well, not exactly attracted, but Natalie reminded me of time I experimented with other girls, and were nice memories, so she reignited the spark of curiosity again and..." Lois noticed that everybody was staring at her. "...but I'm a married woman now, so I wouldn't do that to Peter."

"I wouldn't mind," Peter said with a grin.

"Okay, here is our next letter, from Loessar," said Meg.

_Loessar asks:_

_Meg: if you could give your powers to somebody for 1 day, who would you give them to? _

"Guess that somebody responsible," said Meg. "Like mom or Brian."

"Hey, what about me?" complained Peter. "I'm responsible!"

"No, Peter, you're very irresponsible," said Brian.

"But the word irresponsible has the word responsible on it, so if I'm irresponsible the I am responsible. How do you answer that?" challenged Peter.

"How about that the prefix _irr _intends that the use of the word _responsible _means the opposite of what _responsible _actually means," Matt replied.

"Smartass," Peter grumbled.

"Let's move on," said Brian.

_Meg: Great choice on choosing Queen Amidala and I can see in that part. But if you could, what DC or Marvel super heroine would you choose. _

"I like the Wasp," said Meg. "She can fly, grow, shrink and shoot beams."

"Okay, here we have another letter from Rocket6923, and it's for Stewie," said Lois.

"Great!" cheered Stewie.

_Rocket6923 asks:Why are you sometimes okay with other people killing Lois but not okay with it at other times? For example, you did not want Diane Simmons to kill Lois because you wanted to do the honors. But you were okay with Eliza Pinchley plotting to kill Lois. _

"Because Eliza got the consideration of telling me her intentions first, so we could work together in that bitch's demise," said Stewie. "But Diane tried to kill Lois by herself, and I'm not going to allow that!"

"And here goes the last letter, from a recently new reader named CMR Rosa," said Meg.

_CMR Rosa asks:_

_Lois: since you had sex in Meg body with Matt will you try to seduces Matt like you seduces Meg other boyfriend Anthony? _

"You know, I'm starting to get tired of these questions regarding my sexuality. Do I look like a promiscuous woman?" asked Lois, but everybody looked away, and whistled innocently. "No, unlike my canon counterpart, I'm not a bitch."

_Carter: do you like Matt more then Peter? _

"Interesting question," said Carter, and walked towards Matt. "Tell me, Matthew, are you a fat idiot?"

"Not the last time I checked," said Matt.

"Are you related to Peter?" asked Carter.

"I don't think so," said Matt. "Besides, that would make my marriage with Meg rather creepy."

"Then I like Matt more than Peter," stated Carter bluntly.

"Okay, that was all," said Meg. "See you again in the next The Spellbook chapter!"

**End Mini Fanmail.**

**Thanks a lot for those who reviewed this story. You're my main inspiration to write.**


	44. Brian's Beast Within

**Chapter 44: Brian's Beast Within**

**(Author's note: This chapter is veeery long, as well as very action packed. Enjoy)**

It was a seemingly normal day at Quahog. Griffins, Kennedys and Russells were dressed in sport clothes, ready to do some exercise at the gym.

"Aw, Lois, this sucks!" complained Peter childishly. "Why the hell did you drag us to this place?"

"Because I think that this family needs to do more exercise. Especially you, Peter. Being that fat, I'm afraid that someday you'll have a heart attack," said Lois.

"Come on Peter, if you do some exercise, you'll feel much better," said Matt, trying to reassure Peter.

"See? Matt agrees with me. You should be more like him," said Lois.

"You should be more like him," replied Peter mockingly.

Everybody dispersed and began their training. The girls ran on exercise bikes, while the boys chose to lift barbells. After an hour of uninterrupted excersise (man. they're endurant), they decided to take a break.

"Oh god, I'm so sweaty..." said Jillian while she sprinkled herself with water, soaking her sports bra. Obviously, such a view wasn't unnoticed by the rest of the men.

"Look at Jillian," said Peter. "You know Brian, if I were you, I would be worried."

"Why do you say that?" asked Brian.

"I mean, Jillian is super hot, so she attracts a lot of men," Peter began. "Men that can offer much more than you, such as money or sex. You know, I'm starting to realize why Matt married Meg."

"That may be true, but I have an ace under my sleeve," said Brian with a confident grin.

**Flashback**

Jillian is in the beach, sunbathing. A young man walks to her.

"Hey there," said the man. "Would you like me to rub some sun lotion on you?"

"Sure, thanks," said Jillian innocently while the man rubbed her back.

"Hey," said another man. "Would you like an ice cream?"

"Yeah, it's a pretty hot day, thanks," said Jillian.

And so many more men keep coming, trying to seduce Jillian. Maya then walks up to her.

"Hey mama, do you want to build a sandcastle with me?" asked the little girl.

"Sorry sweetie, but mom's busy with these kind men," said Jillian.

"What are you talking about?" asked Maya.

Jillian then realized that she was alone.

**End Flashback**

"No matter how many men Jillian attracts, all of them will flee when they see the kids. Most men are afraid of commitment. I know because I was one of them," said Brian.

While they were resting, they saw a gym clerk putting a note on a wall. They went to see what it was.

"Hey, look at this," said Lois. "The gym is going to open a ballet class the next week. Hey, Meg, maybe we should take part."

"Sorry mom, but between the school, the swimming, my job at the Gardening Store, my witch training and raising Rosie, I don't have any time for another activity."

"I may sign up for it too," said Jillian. "I used to play ballet when I was little." Jillian then raised her leg up to her head. "I'm still in shape!"

"Hey Meg, maybe the whole ballet thing isn't a bad idea after all," said Matt, looking at Jillian with his eyes wide open. Meg elbowed him. "Ouch! What?"

The next week, Matt was watching TV with Rosie when they're both approached by Peter.

"Hey, watcha' doing?" asked Peter.

"We're watching this new Disney Channel show named Phineas and Ferb," said Matt.

"Aren't you a bit old to be watching Phineas and Ferb?" asked Peter.

"I saw in the internet that is one of the few modern Disney shows worth watching," explained Matt. "And so far, it's pretty good."

"I have to see that myself," said Peter as she sat down on the couch. "Ha! Star Wars references! How original," snarked Peter.

"What do you mean?" asked Rosie.

"Due to Star Wars being one of the most popular movie franchises of all time, it has been parodied and referenced countless times on lots of shows, to the point that it's not even funny. To parody or reference Star Wars nowadays is totally lame and unoriginal."

"Look who's talking," Matt snarked back.

"Why did you say that?" asked Peter, clueless. "Hey, where's Brian?"

"He took Lois and Jillian to the gym, for their ballet class," said Matt.

And, as Matt said, Lois and Jillian are ready for their first ballet class, as well as other women.

"Thanks again for taking us here, Brian," said Lois.

"Oh, don't mention it," said Brian. "Besides, I had nothing better to do, and it would be interesting to see you dance."

"I wonder how our teacher would be," said Jillian.

Jillian's question was answered almost instantly when a tall, tanned, good looking and muscular man entered in the room.

"Hello everybody," said the man. "My name's Francis, and I'd be your ballet teacher. Let's start with some warm up exercises..."

After the first class ended, all the women returned to the locker room to get changed. Lois and Jillian were about to leave the gym when Francis called Jillian.

"Hey, Jillian, can I talk with you?" asked Francis.

"Sure, what do you want?"

"I'll tell you now. Come to my office first," said Francis.

Brian saw Jillian and Francis enter in the latter's office, and the dog growled.

"What's wrong, Brian?" asked Lois.

"I don't like that guy," said Brian. "I'm sure that he's after Jillian."

"Oh, don't be so silly!" said Lois. "So what if that guy is tall, young, good looking and muscular? Jillian only has eyes for you. Besides, you have kids together, remember?"

"Yeah, maybe you're right. I'm too paranoid." said Brian, while he smiled for himself, remembering that most guys are scared from kids.

Jillian and Francis came out of the room.

"You have really cute kids," said Francis. "I'd love to meet them someday. Well, see you next week!"

Brian cursed something under his breath.

"Brian, did you say something?" asked Lois.

"No, no, just go to the car," said Brian. "I can't believe this. This sucks more than time Ander was sick and had to hire Bhaalspawn as a substitute writer."

**Flashback**

The family was in the living room watching TV as usual.

"So, tell me Peter, how was your day?" asked Lois.

"Lame," Peter replied. "Angela was angry because I didn't complete the shipping reports of the month. She said that, if I don't improve, he will cut my salary."

"What about you, kids?"

Chris was about to speak when a fiery apocalypse crashed around the house, destroying everything. Then, a dagger flew from offscreen and stabbed Meg in the back of the head. She fell forwards onto the floor.

"Oh my God!" Lois screamed, "Meg's dead!"

Meg sprang back up, "No I'm not!" she said proudly.

Rosie walked up to Maya in the other room, "Hey Maya, you look cute."

"Thank you Rosie," Maya said with a smile.

"No... you misunderstood me," Rosie said, sitting next to her and putting a hand on her leg, "You look REALLY cute."

"God I hope Ander get's better," Maya grumbled.

**End Flashback**

The next day, Brian was at the gym lifting some barbells, so he could become more muscular, and Jillian would find him attractive enough, to the point that she was over-pushing his old body.

"You're gonna hurt yourself if you keep doing that," said a male voice.

Brian saw a tall and muscular blond man who was wearing blue trousers and a white t shirt that showed off his muscles.

"Let me guess: you want to get big and strong in a short time, right?" guessed the man. "Maybe to impress a girl?"

"Yeah, so what?" asked Brian in a bad mood.

"Oh, nothing," said the man. "Just I have something that may help you," and the man pulled a bottle with a purple liquid on it.

"What's that? Steroids?" asked Brian.

"Oh, no!"said the man. "Steroids are for losers. This is a new energy drink. I can guarantee you that it's 100% healthy."

"I see. How much it's going to cost me?" asked Brian.

"Oh, this one's free," said the man. "You really need it."

Brian took the bottle, and tried a sip.

"It's tasty...hey, I feel..." Brian said while he noticed how the tiredness disappeared and was replaced by lots of energy. "I feel GREAT! Like I'm young again! And I only took a small sip!"

"See? I told you that it would work!" said the man.

With the extra energy the drink gave him, Brian spend the rest of the day working out.

The following weeks Brian went to the gym on a regular basis to work out, and the results were visible in no time, and his plain body began to look stronger. This, of course, didn't go unnoticed by the family.

"Wow Brian, look at you!" said Chris in amazement. "Where did you get those muscles?"

"Yeah, you look stunning," said Lois, looking at the dog closer. "Guess that you've been hitting the gym more than us, huh?"

"Yeah, but I also had a little help from a certain magic potion," said Brian.

"Magic potion? Did you use the spellbook to gain some muscles?" asked Meg inquisitively.

"Oh, no, no!" Brian backed off. "Sorry, that came out wrong. I meant this drink."

Brian showed the energy drink.

"I see," said Lois. "And...do you think that's safe? I mean, steroids can be dangerous..."

"Don't worry Lois, the guy who sold me this told me that it was 100% natural," Brian reassured, and took a drink. "Besides, it's very tasty."

"Hey, Brian, can I have some?" asked Peter.

"NO!" Brian yelled. "I mean...no, because...well..."

"Ow, come on, give me some," said Peter.

"Peter, no!", said Brian defensively, protecting the bottle.

"Only a little!" insisted Peter, who tried to snatch the bottle out of Brian's paws. However, Brian bit Peter, and then grabbed him by his forearm, and tossed him across the room, crashing against a wall. Lois immediately went to check Peter.

"Brian, what the hell!" yelled Lois. "Look what you've done! You could've killed Peter!"

"I...I...I'm sorry..." Brian stammered.

"Brian, that drink is obviously affecting you, and not in a good way," said Matt. "You should toss it to down the toilet."

"NO! I can't!" said Brian. "Don't you see? I need it! This drink makes me feel strong and powerful! Like I could do anything I want! And Jillian will like me better!"

Brian then rushed outside.

"We need to find him," said Lois worried. "He obviously has a problem with that drink."

"He has a problem with every drink," Meg replied.

"Yeah, he may end up hurting himself," added Matt.

"Hurting HIMSELF?" asked Peter off-screen.

"Maybe we should give him some time," said Meg. "I mean, Brian's somebody you can reason with. Even if he's addicted to that drink, he'll come to his senses over time and will ask for the help he needs."

"Hope that you're right, Meg," said Lois.

"Or you'll make a mistake bigger than that time Peter pissed off Lois," said Matt.

**Flashback**

Lois is trying a new dress. Peter is watching her.

"So, tell me Peter, does this dress makes me look fat?" asked Lois.

"Of course not," said Peter.

"It's a relief to hear that, since I wanted to wear it tonight," replied Lois.

"It's your ass that makes you look fat," said Peter.

That night, Peter is sleeping in the couch.

"It was worth it," said Peter with a smile.

**End Flashback**

Meanwhile, Brian was walking down the street, thinking about what he did. He seriously wounded Peter, his best friend. Why did he do that? Were they right? Was that drink changing him? Even if that was true, he didn't plan to stop drinking it. Of all the many drugs that Brian took, no one made him feel so great as that purple liquid.

Brian went past a building he immediately recognized: the gym. From one of the windows, he could see Francis' ballet class. From time to time, he would flirt with one of the girls, that fell for his charms.

"You think you're all that, but you're not," said Brian. "You think you can have all the women you have, and break happy families like mine to boost your ego. Well, not- AAAAAAGHHHHH!"

Brian fell victim to a strong headache, and shortly after, he lost consciousness.

Meanwhile, at the Griffin house...

"I'm worried about Brian," said Lois. "He's been gone more than an hour."

"Oh, Lois, you worry too much," said Peter. "Let's watch TV. I'm sure that we'll find something that will take our minds off him."

**Cutaway to TV**

"Hello everybody, I'm Tom Tucker," said Tom Tucker.

"And I'm Diane Simmons," Diane followed. "On our local news, several citizens said that they witnessed a werewolf in downtown Quahog."

"The creature in question was big, had white fur and sharp teeth and claws," said Tom. "We inform that said description also matches Diane's mom, so these may be a false alarm."

"F(bleep!)ck you Tom," said Diane, sporting a fake smile.

**End Cutaway**

"See? There you have," said Peter.

"I'm sure that that werewolf is one of the many magical creatures that had been plaguing Quahog as for lately," said Meg. "Guess that I'll have to stop it,"

"I'm going with you," said Matt.

Using Meg's broomstick, Meg and Matt headed to downtown Quahog, and they immediately spotted the werewolf.

"Look, there it is!" said Meg.

Meg and Matt jumped from the broomstick, and Matt cast a small tornado to slow the fall. Th werewolf immediately turned at them, and growled.

The werewolf was a big creature, standing 2.7 meters(9 feet), a broad chest, big and strong arms ended in white claws, and smaller but by no means weak hind legs. He had terrifyng red eyes and a mouth full of sharp teeth.

Without prior warning, the werewolf charged at the couple, dashing on his four legs. The two teenagers jumped aside in order to avoid the deadly onslaught.

Matt was the first one to attack, by casting a tornado that sent the beast across the street, crashing against a car. The werewolf, however, brushed off his wounds, lifted the wrecked car over his head, and tossed it at the much surprised Matt. However, before the car could hit him, it stopped in mid airt, surrounded by a pink light.

"I owe you one," said Matt to Meg, who was channeling the spell that was holding the car in mid air.

"No problem," said Meg dropping the car.

"Here it comes again!" warned Matt.

The white beast charged again, but before he could reach Meg, the young witch cast several fireballs at her foe. The werewolf stopped and tried to protect himself with covering behind his arms. Meg came close to him while casting more fire. However, meg let her guard down and the werewolf punched Meg so hard that he sent her flying across the street.

Losing no time, Matt cast her hands backwards and projected an air stream to propel himself at high speed, until he went past Meg. Hen then cast a tornado behind his feet to catapult himself into mid air and catch Meg in her arms. The same tornado was sued to slow their fall.

"Guess that we're even," said Meg.

"Are you okay?" asked Matt, visibly worried.

"Yes. It's just a flesh wound," said Meg, brushing off her injuries.

"Oh boy, he's coming again!" said Matt.

The apoplectic beast charged again, but this time Meg was going to unleash all her power. Meg cast her palms forward, and cast a fiery current of fire at the werewolf. The werewolf was engulfed by fire, but he showed an extraordinary withstanding of it. Still on fire, the werewolf slammed the ground with both arms, creating a seismic shockwave that knocked down Meg and Matt.

Revealing more nasty surprises, three long retractile claws came out from each of his wrists. The werewolf then leaped into the air, ready to fall upon the two teenagers. Meg and Matt cast a pink beam of energy and a wind current respectively, that hurled the werewolf backwards. The white beast shook his head, and decided to ran away.

"Damn, he's escaping!" yelled Meg.

"Well, at least he won't beat us anymore," said Matt.

"Come on, we have to follow him!" urged Meg, as he summoned his magic broomstick.

They looked for the werewolf from the sky, without success. However, Matt spotted a white furred creature lying on the ground.

"Over there!" said Matt. "I think it's there!"

However, upon descending, they realized that it wasn't the werewolf.

"Brian!" said Meg. But the dog didn't reply. Meg checked his pulse. He was still alive.

"Do you think that he was attacked by that beast?" asked Matt.

"Who knows," said Meg. "But we need to take him home immediately."

Matt noticed Brian's energy drink in the ground, and decided to pick it up.

The next day, at home, everybody was talking about the recent turn of events.

"So, how is Brian?" asked Peter.

"He seems to be recuperating," said Meg. "But we have to stop him from drinking that energy drink again."

"And how about you?" asked Lois. "Did you defeat that werewolf?"

"No, it escaped," said Matt. "Which means that he will attack again."

"However, this time I'm going to get ready," said Meg, leaving the house.

Minutes later, Meg entered in Daphne's store, and saw her boss and mentor watering some plants.

"Hey Meg," saluted Daphne. "Let me guess: do you need my help with something."

Meg nodded in response. "Yesterday I fought against what it looked like a werewolf," Meg began. "However, all my magic was useless against him. Maybe you could teach me a new spell or something."

"I see," Daphne said solemnly. "I think that I know something that may result useful to you."

Daphne motioned her hands, and she and Meg were surrounded by a green light. When the light disappeared, they were in the outskirts of Quahog, in the woods. Daphne then clapped her hands once, and two large rocks came up from the ground.

"This is an advanced spell called Thunderbolt," said Daphne. Electric sparks flied from the tips of her index and middle finger, and then shot a powerful lightning at the rock, blasting it to pieces.

"WOW!" said Meg in awe. "That was so cool!... hey, how is that I never saw you using that spell before?"

"Because I don't like to use it. It's very destructive, and it goes against my nature. But I don't think you'll have any problem with it."

"Okay, how can I do it?"

"You only need to concentrate in a lightning, direct all the energy to your fingertips, and then release it at the target."

Meg tried to do what Daphne said, but she only cast a ridiculously small lightning.

"That sucked. Even Rosie's electric bolts are stronger," said Meg, disgusted with the results.

"I didn't expect that you would do it right the first time," said Daphne, trying to cheer her up. "Try again."

Meg kept trying, but she was unable to master that spell. Sometimes the lightning was too weak, other was too powerful, and Meg felt unable to direct it right. After half an hour of failed attempts, Daphne called for a rest.

"This is going to take us more time than I thought," said the nature witch.

"What I'm doing wrong?" asked Meg. "I'm doing everything you said!"

"I think that you're not in tune with nature," Daphne replied.

Meg frowned. "This is no time for hippie stuff."

"This is not 'hippie stuff', dear," replied Daphne. "Where do you think magic comes from, anyway?"

"Huh?"

"Magic comes from nature. The Earth is not just a giant rock with a core of magma, but a huge living being. A being that radiates a powerful energy each second. And us, as witches, were blessed with the power to harness that energy. When we cast spells or manipulate the elements, we're borrowing that energy from nature. You need to feel that energy."

"What about Miriam? Because she doesn't seem 'in tune with nature' to me," Meg replied back.

"That's because witches like Miriam doesn't get their powers from nature, but from pacts with demons and other evil spirits," said Daphne.

"I see."

"Magic is the energy of the nature, and you must understand that it's a very powerful force that should be respected and never taken lightly."

Meg reflected on what Daphne said. It was true that she never thought of magic that way, but in some sort of extraordinary gift she had the luck to acquire. With this new perspective, Meg stood up, and decided to try again. She concentrated her energy in the form of electrcity on her fingertips, and this time she successfully cast a lightning bolt that, like Daphne did before, blew the rock to pieces.

Daphne didn't say nothing, and smiled proudly.

Meanwhile, at the Griffin house, Brian wakes up. He was in Peter and Lois' bed. He had a major headache, but no memories of the last hours. He went downstairs to the living room, and saw Stewie watching TV.

"Oh, so you're finally woke up," said Stewie with disdain.

"Ugh...what the hell happened?" asked Brian, rubbing his head.

"Megan found you lying on the street like a hobo," Stewie began. "It seems that that energy drink of yours may make your muscles grow but kills your limited amount of brain cells."

"Really?" asked Brian in shock, who found it hard to believe.

"Oh, don't pretend to look astonished, my furry friend," Stewie said sarcastically. "This wouldn't be the first time you become hooked to some toxic substance for a brief feeling of pleasure."

"I see..." said Brian, trying to remember. "Did I..did I hurt anybody?"

"From what I know, no," Stewie replied.

Brian sighed in relief.

The rest of the family then came in.

"Brian! You're awake!" said Meg with joy.

"Yeah, when mom brought you here, you looked awful," said Rosie. "But you now look much better."

"I made something that will make you feel better: a chicken soup," said Lois before snapping her fingers, and in a flash of light, a bowl of soup appeared, floating in front of Brian.

"Thanks Lois," said Brian.

"Hey, mom, that was impressive!" praised Meg. "You're starting to get better at using magic."

"Yeah, I think that I'm getting the hang of this,"replied Lois.

Brian was starting to feel uneasy.

"Hey, where's my energy drink?" said Brian. "I think I need a recharge."

"Brian!" said Lois, astonished. "How can you say that? "

"Yeah, maybe you should try something else, like crack," suggested Peter.

"You're not helping!" chastised Lois. "Brian, you need help."

"No, I can control it," Brian began. "I know that I took too much, but this time I'll take less."

"Please Brian, be reasonable," pleaded Meg. "We only wan the best for you."

"NO! You can't take it from me! It makes me-AAAARRRGHHHH!"

Brian felt again to intense waves of pain. He fell to the floor and writhed in agony. Everybody gasped in horror.

"Oh my God!" said Stewie in shock. "I can't believe that they renewed American Idol for another season! Hey, what's wrong with snoopy?"

Brian began to grow in size. His arms became longer and stronger. Claws grew from his paws. Scary teeth stuck out from his mouth. In a matter of seconds, Brian turned into a werewolf.

"Oh my god! Brian was the werewolf I fought before!" said Meg in horror.

"I think that everybody came up to that conclusion, captain obvious!" said Chris.

Brian let out a fiery roar, and jumped through the window. Losing no time, Meg cast a fireball at the insane werewolf, but he dodged it and hit Cleveland's house instead, breaking a side of it. And yes, Cleveland was taking a bath.

"No, no,no, no no no no no NO!" he shouted as the bathtub broke apart upon landing. "Does anybody still finds this funny?"

"You can bet on it," said Peter, giggling.

Meanwhile, Brian had escaped.

"There's no time to be fooling around! We have to do something about Brian!" urged Lois.

"It's obvious that it was that energy drink who turned him into a monster," deduced Matt. "And that it wasn't an ordinary drink at all."

"Do you think that he used the spellbook to spike it?" asked Rosie.

"I don't think so. Brian said that some guy at the gym sold them," said Meg.

"I still have the drink," said Matt. "Maybe Daphne may come up with an antidote."

"Great idea! Let's go then."

Later, at Daphne's store, they told her all the previous events.

"So Brian turned into a monster? That's horrible!" said Daphne.

"Yeah. He didn't gave me back the 20 bucks I lent him the last week," commented Stewie.

"Did you brought the drink?" asked Daphne. Matt gave it to her. "Good. I'm going to need your spellbook, Meg."

"I brought it too," said Meg, pulling the book from her backpack.

"Let's see if I can do something. Meanwhile, you should find Brian," suggested the witch.

"And how are we supposed to do that?" asked Lois.

"Leave it to me, mom." said Meg.

Meg closed her eyes and puts her hands on her temples, and focused on Brian. Little by little, the image of people fleeing from the monstrous Brian appeared in her mind.

"I got it! He's in the 'Adam West is the Best' Avenue!" said Meg.

"Adam West is the Best?" asked Matt.

"Well, you have to agree that it's catchy,"said Lois.

"Okay, this is the plan. Mom and Matt, you come with me and try to stop Brian. Dad, stay here and take care of Rosie, Chris and Stewie and...try to not to mess anything up."

"Hey, I want to go with you too!" complained Rosie.

"Rosie, you're too small for this," said Meg.

"Ow, come on! I fought against Miriam before, remember?"

"...okay," Meg gave up.

"Besides, Flare will protect me, right Flare?"

Flare cawed in response.

"...how long is that bird here?" asked Chris.

Minutes later, Meg, Lois, Matt Rosie and Flare arrive at the Adam West is the Best avenue, were Brian is lurking.

"Brian!" called Meg. The former dog turned back, and growled.

"Oh, so you're finally here," said a known female voice.

"Who said that?" asked Lois.

Flying on their broomsticks, Miriam and her sisters hovered over them.

"Miriam!" said Meg, angered. "Why I'm not surprised to see that you were after this?"

"You're very sharp, _cheri_," said Miriam, giving her a wicked grin.

"What did you do to Brian?" demanded Lois.

"Don't you see it, silly? She turned him into that monster!" Jeanne explained.

"Shut up, Jeanne," ordered Miriam. He turned at the Griffins. "What do you see here is a little experiment of mine. I fought you in the past, but I always lost, so I decided to try a new different approach."

"Brian is the first of an army of mutated animals we plan to build!" Lorraine continued. "Even if you have our spellbook, you won't stand a chance!"

"Ahem...MY spellbook," stated Miriam.

"Yes...your spellbook," said Lorraine under her teeth.

"I thought that sisters shared their stuff," said Jeanne.

"Enough chitchat!" said Miriam. "Brian, TEAR THEM TO SHREDS!"

Brian charged on his four legs, and the Griffins and Kennedys were forced to scatter. Brian faced Meg, who motioned her hands forward, and gave Brian a telekinetic push, sending him against a wall. Brian however, charged again against her. This time, it was Lois who save her daughter by casting a water missile at the furious dog. Brian backed down.

However, Lois didn't see a huge fireball coming at her. Fortunately, Matt did, and deflected it with a tornado.

"Did you forget about us?" asked Lorraine mockingly. "When I'm done with you, I'll make love with Peter and will force you to watch!"

"Really? That sounds sexy..." said Lois. "I mean, over my dead body!"

"That won't be a problem," said Lorraine with a grin.

Lois and Lorraine engaged in a fight, exchanging fire and water attacks.

"I think that this is my time to intervene," said Jeanne.

The Jillian looking witch summoned a spiked ball of ice between her hands. Said ball grew bigger and bigger until it had the size of a small car. She then motioned her arms forward and sent the ball at Meg and Matt, who were dealing with Brian.

"Flare, stop that!" yelled Rosie.

The phoenix used his breath of fire against the ball of ice, melting it. Lois used the resulting water to form a water twister and cast it at Miriam, who countered it with a dark blast. She then lifted a car with her telekinesis and threw it at both Lois, Rosie and Flare. Rosie, however, teleported them out of peril. Rosie then appeared behind Miriam and hit her with an electric ball.

Meanwhile, Brian was fighting against Meg and Matt. Meg lifted some trashcans and tossed them at the dog, but Brian cut them in mid air with his retractile claws. The white beast then pulled a streetlamp out and tried to hit Meg and Mag with it like it was a baseball club. Matt cast a stream of air right into his face, forcing Brian to cover and drop the streetlamp. Meg then cast a wave of fire, and Matt a tornado to amplify it. Brian was engulfed by flames, but barely burned it.

"This is time to use Daphne's spell," said Meg. "Matt, I need you to immobilize him!"

"You don't have to tell me twice," replied Matt.

Matt trapped Brian inside a cyclone. While the monstrous dog tried to escape the windy trap, Meg gathered electricity in her fingertips.

"Okay Brian, this is going to hurt me more than it hurts you."

Meg blasted a powerful lightning at Brian. The dog growled in pain as the electricity surged his body. He then fell unconscious.

"Meg, do you want to rephrase that?" asked Matt, looking at Brian's body.

"Badly," said Meg. She then turned at Miriam. "We defeated Brian! The fight is over!"

"Hahahahaha! You fool! No matter the outcome of this fight, I will win! There's no way you can break the enchantment I put on Brian! He either will be my slave, or die!" said Miriam.

"She's right," said Rosie. "We can't kill Brian."

"Jeanne, revive Brian!" commanded the Meg looking witch. Jeanne sprayed Brian with some silver dust, and he began to regain consciousness.

At that moment, Meg cell phone rang. It was Daphne.+

"Meg?" asked Daphne.

"Daphne! Please tell me that you came up with an antidote!" said Meg desperately.

"Uh, not exactly," said Daphne. Meg frowned.

"What do you mean?"

"I find a way to break the spell, but it isn't going to be easy."

"Tell me."

"The enchantment that mutated Brian is based on his negative emotions. You need him to focus on his positive ones."

"And how are we supposed to do that?"

"Try to remain him of the good moments of his life. Sorry, but this was all I could do."

Meg hung up, and faced the revived Brian.

"And now, Brian, kill them all once for all!" ordered Miriam.

"No, Brian, don't do it!" pleaded Meg. "You're not like this Brian. You're a good person."

"That's useless! He can't listen to you!" mocked Miriam.

"Brian, you're a valuable member of our family," Lois began. "And we all love you Because you did a lot of things for us. Like...when you helped me to realize what I was doing when I became Mayor and got corrupted."

"Or when you took me to the prom when I didn't had a date," said Meg.

"Or when you bought me that PS3," said Rosie.

"Hey, I don't remember Brian doing that," said Meg. "In fact, you don't have a PS3."

"Hey, maybe it passes," said Rosie with a shrug.

"And you helped Peter to get back his identity when James Woods stole it," said Lois.

"Yeah, and for what?" asked Miriam. "So you can see the woman you love with that fat bastard?"

"I'm not the woman you love, Brian, it's Jillian!" Lois countered. "And she wouldn't like to see you like this. Think in her Brian. And think in your children. And in all the people that loves you."

**(Thanks to Rocket6923 for this moment)**

Brian let an agony roar, and grabbed his head. He then began to shrink quickly until he was again normal.

"NOOOO!" yelled Miriam. "What the hell happened?"

"You lost, bitch, that's what happened," said Matt with a triumphal grin.

"Hey, did you realize that witch and bitch sound-" Jeanne began.

"Not now, Jeanne," interrupted Miriam. "Mark my words, Griffins, someday I will take my revenge!"

Miriam and her sisters flied away.

The next day, the entire family sans Peter was in the living room watching TV as usual.

"Thanks god this is over," said Meg.

"I'm so glad to be myself again," gushed Brian. "Even if I lost my muscles."

"You don't need them," said Rosie. "We like you the way you are."

"Yeah, sure," said Stewie sarcastically.

"Hey, I just realized of something," said Brian. "I bite Peter under the influence of that spell. Do you think...?"

Peter then comes downstairs, completely covered in hair.

"Lois, we need more shaving cream."

**End Chapter**

**Mini Fanmail**

"Another chapter that ends, but another fanmail that begins," said Meg. "That's right, it's time to answer some questions from fans!"

"The first one is from Hotstreak, and it's for Meg," said Matt.

_Hotstreak asks:have you considered having another child,for Roise to play with? _

"Yeah, but not now," said Meg. "We're just 18, and raising Rosie alone is quite exhausting."

"However, we hope we can have more kids in the future," added Matt. "Let's go to the next letter, from Redemption Warrior."

_Redemption Warrior asks:_

_Meg:Since it seems like your mother has Water magic and your husband has Wind magic, who do you think would develop Fire and Earth magics if they ask you to train them?_

"I already have fire magic," said Meg forming a fireball in her hand. "And I think that Brian would develop earth magic. He's very hard headed."

Everybody except Peter laughed at her comment.

"I don't get it," said Peter.

_Stewie: If both you and the Brain worked together to conquer the world, how would you divide it up? _

"Let me answer with another question," said Stewie. "Why I should do such a thing? I'd kill that big headed mouse the moment he outlived his usefulness."

_Lois: Given that you are a sexual woman, how does your new magic pan out for "enhancing" your relationship with Peter? _

"Probably, but I'm still learning to use my powers," said Lois. "But I can't wait to do it."

"The next letter is from Aldovas, to Brian," said Meg.

_Aldovas asks:Are you and Jillian married? And if you guys are not, any plans about the wedding? _

"I think that I already answered this, but no, we aren't married yet," said Brian. "We're still waiting for the right moment."

"Here we have a letter from Rocket6923," said Matt. "And is for Lois."

"I really love that guy," gushed Lois.

_Rocket6923 asks: Lois, what made you initially fall in love with Peter? _

"I think that Peter represented all the things I longed for," Lois began. "Since my parents were very strict and controlling, always telling me what to do, what to say and what to think, and Peter, despite his lack of money, seemed so free and happy, like somebody who enjoys every second of his life. That and that he's very funny too."

"Hehehe!" laughed Peter for no reason. "Hard headed! Now I get it!"

"Congratulations, Peter," said Matt, deadpan. "We thought that you weren't going to make it."

"And here we have our last letter from CMRosa," said Meg.

_CMRosa asks:_

_Matt: do you any old friends from Minnesota that you would like to introduce to your new family? _

"Considering that all of them 'mysteriously disappeared' after World of Warcraft was released, no,"said Matt, arms crossed.

_Rosie: which one of your grandfathers is more likely to embarrass you Peter or Bruce? _

"I think that the answer is obvious," said Rosie.

**Flashback**

Rosie is playing in the park. A boy of her age walks to her.

"Hello," said the boy. "What's your name?"

"Rosie,."

"My name's Jimmy. Do you want to play with me in the jungle gym?"

"Not so fast, bucko!" said Peter as he stood between the boy and Rosie. "You better stay away from my granddaughter, or I'll hit you in the head so hard that you'll like Justin Bieber's songs!"

The boy runs away crying, and Peter stands there, proudly.

"Don't worry, Rosie, he won't bother you anymore," said Peter. "As long as I'm here, no kid will try to take you to the bed!"

"To the bed? WE'RE TODDLERS!" protested Rosie.

"Oh, but know kids start having relationships much younger than before."

**End Flashback**

"Well, that was the last letter," said Meg.

"But that's not all!" said Lois. "For the next chapter, we plan to submit a list of the most popular characters of this fanfic, so when you review this chapter, don't forget to say which are your FIVE favorite characters!"

"It can be either canon like Meg, Brian or Peter, or original, like Rosie or me," said Matt.

"And submit more questions if you have, since the mini fanmail will be active too," added Brian.

"I don't know why you bother," said Stewie. "It's obvious that I'm going to win."

"Let the readers decide that," said Rosie. "See you next chapter!"

**End Mini Fanmail.**

**Once again, thanks a lot for read and review :)  
**


	45. Do you mind if I rake in your mind?

A fifteen year old Rosie was watching TV with three other kids. Her younger siblings: Scott, an 11 year old boy with short black hair, Tommy, a thin eight year old boy with dirty blonde hair, and Lois Junior, a 3 year old girl with orange hair tied in pigtails.

"You know, somebody would expect that after Matt Groening died, they would cancel The Simpsons, but no, " said Scott.

"It was on it's twentieth season when Rosie was born," said Tommy. "And they keep making episodes since then."

"Well, that's because the new generations replace the older ones, and thus, the show still has an audience," explained Rosie.

Suddenly, the the power goes out.

"Oh crap!" yelled Tommy.

"Tommy! Don't use that language in front of your little sister!" chastised Rosie.

"I don't mind," said Lois Jr. with an innocent smile.

"What are we going to do now?" complained Scott.

"Hey, I know," said Rosie. "How about if I tell you one of the stories from when I was little?"

"Cool!" the three kids said in unison.

"Yeah, those stories are very funny!" said Lois Jr., excited.

Scott and Tommy sat besides Rosie, and she put Lois Jr. on her lap.

"Okay, this story starts when I was playing with Stewie in the backyard, and Brian was watching us..."

**Chapter 45: Do You Mind If I Rake Your Mind?**

It was a normal day in Quahog. The Griffin family was out, and they left the babies with Brian. Stewie and Rosie were playing in the backyard, while Brian sat on a hammock, reading the newspaper. Suddenly, he's hit by a frisbee.

"OW! What the hell!" said Brian, visibly annoyed.

"Hehe, you sound just like grandma," chuckled Rosie. "Sorry Brian, we were playing with the frisbee, but don't worry, we're going to play something else."

"Oh, don't worry," said Brian. "Just be careful."

Brian resumed his reading, but shortly after was hit by a football.

"What the...!"

"Sorry, Brian!" said Stewie. "No football then."

Brian tried to read again, but wass hit by a golf ball.

"Sorry Brian!" said Rosie. "We aren't too skilled at golf."

Before he can even do something again, Brian's hit by a hammer.

"I told you that hammer toss was a bad idea!" said Stewie.

"Can't you just play something that doesn't involve hitting me with random objects?" asked Brian, visibly annoyed.

"Well, guess that we could play with the moonbounce castle grandma Lockhart gave me for my birthday. It's in the garage." said Rosie.

"Okay then," said Brian. However, he noticed that Rosie and Stewie were staring at him.

"Well...?" said Stewie.

"Well what?" asked Brian.

"Aren't you going to look for the moonbounce castle?" asked Rosie.

Brian sighed heavily, got up from his chair and left the backyard.

"Okay, now that we got rid of that bore, we can play whatever we want," said Rosie.

"Yup. The garage is a huge mess," said Stewie. "Finding something there is even harder than finding a gay character in the media who isn't a walking stereotype."

**Cutaway**

Jasper is in some gay bar talking with other people.

"...and, by the evening, he asked me if I wanted some eggs with bacon, but I told him, 'I already got a large weenie for dinner last night'. Oh, I'm so nasty!"

"Okay, what the hell's wrong with you?" asked a man, annoyed.

"What do you mean?" asked Jasper.

"Do you know that you're perpetuating a negative stereotype?" asked another man. "By wearing those flashy clothes."

"Yeah, and why do you always talk in an overly effeminated tone?" asked another man.

"And twisting every phrase so it sounds like something sexual," added another man. "You know, we gays think of other things aside from penises."

"It's guys like you who stop people from realizing that gays are like everybody else, only that we like men instead of women. You should feel ashamed!"

Jasper ran away from the bar while other guys booed him.

**End Cutaway**

Meanwhile, the Griffins were taking a ride home from wherever they've been. I'm too lazy for exposition.

"Finally," said Lois. "I thought we'd never get here."

"Yeah," said Peter. "The further we got from that rigged Joke Telling Contest, the better,"

"Peter, I don't know how many times I have to tell you this: the contest wasn't rigged; you're not funny,"

"What did you say?" said Peter angrily as he turned back to hit Matt.

"Dad, watch out!" yelled Meg.

A loud thud noise is heard. The car stops, and everybody stays there in shock.

"Peter...I think that you ran over somebody..." mumbled Lois.

"Let me see..." said Peter, who got off of the car to see if he hit somebody. "Don't worry Lois, it's just a dog!"

"Oh my God!" said Meg in horror. "You killed Brian!"

"You bastard!" Matt yelled.

Everyone turned to look at him. Meg's expression was that of complete disgust.

"What?" Matt asked.

"No... just... no..." Meg said with a wave of her hand.

Everybody got out of the car and saw Brian's unconscious body lying on the ground. Stewie and Rosie appeared on screen.

"Hey, what's with all the commotion?" asked Stewie. Stewie and Rosie saw Brian's unconscious body, and gasped in horror.

"OH MY GOD!" screamed Rosie, "THEY KILLED BRIAN!"

"YOU BASTARDS!" Stewie yelled.

"WHAT DID I JUST SAY!" Meg yelled in fury.

"Look at that dent!" said Stewie, pointing at the car's dent formed after hitting Brian.

Later, Brian's in a hospital bed on life support, while the Griffins and Kennedys watch him. Doctor Hartman walks in.

"I'm afraid that I got bad news," said Doctor Hartman. "Brian's in a coma. I don't know if he will ever wake up again."

"WHOA!" said Stewie in shock. "He went straight to the point without any schtick!"

"I hope you're happy," said Peter, glaring at Matt. "Now poor Brian will never wake up again to see how his children grow up to be losers like him."

"How is this my fault? You were the one driving!" protested Matt.

"Yeah, but you insinuated that I'm not funny, making me to turn at you and lose the sigh of the road," said Peter. "No, wait, it's not your fault."

"Thank you," said Matt dryly.

"It's Meg's fault, for marrying you," said Peter.

"Please, stop!" begged Lois "Fighting won't solve anything!"

"Mom's right," said Meg. "Sadly, all what we can do is to wait and hope that someday Brian will wake up."

"I have a question," said Chris. "Why did we take Brian here? Shouldn't we take him to a vet? Because he's, you know, a dog?"

Everybody looked at each other and shrugged.

The following days, the Griffins and Kennedys tried to continued with their lives and get over Brian's incident. Everybody is in the kitchen, eating in silence.

"I can't believe it's been a week," said Peter, deeply downbeat. "This house isn't the same without him."

"Yeah," replied Lois, in a similar mood. "Even if our lives are pretty much the same given that Brian didn't do anything other than read liberal papers, smoke pot and get wasted, and sometimes would save us some money for babysitters when he took care of Stewie and Rosie."

"Nathalie told me that Jillian and the kids are heartbroken," said Meg.

Rosie heard the adults talking about Brian, and that made her felt even more remorseful than she'd ever been. She then walked to the living room where Stewie was watching TV.

"Stewie, I think that we should do something," said Rosie.

"I'm already doing something," asked Stewie. "I'm watching TV."

Inside Rosie's mind, a part of her brain labeled "_blind unrelenting fury_" sparked for a moment before flickering out.

"Quit fooling around. I meant Brian," clarified Rosie. "We have to find a way to bring him back."

"Why do you want that dog to return?" asked Stewie. "We're much better without him."

"Because it was us who put him in a coma!" protested Rosie. "Don't tell me that you don't feel guilty."

"No," said Stewie dryly.

"Not even a little?"

"No."

"And...don't you miss him?" asked Rosie.

"Oh, no!" said Stewie. "Why I should miss that douchebag?"

"Really?"

"Well..." said Stewie, his facade slowly disappearing. "...maybe a little."

"Good, because I'm going to need your help for this," said Rosie. "Pack your bag for a possibly dangerous trip. I'm going to make a few calls."

Later, that night, Rosie, Stewie, Sophie, Kyle and Maya were in Rosie's room.

"Okay, you all know why I gathered you here," said Rosie.

"You said there would be cake," said Sophie.

"There was, but grandpa ate it," Rosie lied, while Sophie frowned. "Anyway, we're going to bring Brian out of his coma."

"Really? And how are we going to do it?" asked Kyle.

"With magic, my dear puppy friend," said Rosie.

"They love your for real. Fur-Real Friends," Stewie sang. Kyle hit him.

"I found a spell that will allow us to travel to anybody's mind, so we will travel to Brian's mind and bring him back to consciousness."

"It is safe?" asked Sophie.

"Yeah, I already tested it. I went inside grandpa's head," said Rosie.

**Flashba-**

"Wait a minute," said Stewie, interrupting the flashback. "Was the fatman's mind was a big, empty, white space where your voice echoed through the nothingness?"

"Yeah, how did you know it?" asked Rosie, curious.

"Well, it was very predictable," said Stewie dryly.

"Really?"

"Yeah. Even more than the average Brian/Stewie fanfic," said Sophie.

**Cutaway**

"I love you, Brian!"

"I love you, Stewie!"

Brian and Stewie make out. End fanfic.

**End Cutaway**

"Hey, not all the Brian&Stewie fanfics are like that!" protested Rosie. "Some of them even have a plot."

"Seriously, I can't imagine my dad doing it with the football headed freak," said Kyle in disgust.

"Well, are you ready? Here we go!" said Rosie, and pronounced the spell.

The five kids were suddenly sucked by a vortex that send them to another dimension. However, all of them felt dizzy, and unable to stand on their feet.

"He-hey...are you guys okay?" asked Rosie, standing up and trying to maintain her balance.

"I've been better," said Sophie.

"I think I'm going to throw up!" said Maya.

"Just like her mom. How cute," said Stewie sarcastically.

"Hey, where are we?" asked Kyle.

Everybody saw that they were in a very strange place, kinda like a valley, but it was dyed in very bright, unnatural colors, rivers that carried something that definitely was _not_ water, trees grew books instead of leafs, and it was inhabited by extremely bizarre creatures. There was a stormy sky.

"I think this is Brian's mind," guessed Rosie. "We made it!"

"Fine, but how are we going to wake up dad?" asked Kyle.

"I tracked him in the memory, so we only have to go there," said Rosie.

"And how do you plan to find the memory? Because I don't think that they sell maps of this place," said Stewie in a sarcastic tone.

"Actually, they do," said Maya pointing out a stall with a banner that said MAPS. Rosie bought a map from the stall.

"Okay, let's go everybody," commanded Rosie. "First we should cross that river," said Rosie, pointing to a river that carried a brown liquid.

"What the hell is this? And why does smell so bad?" asked Sophie, covering her nose.

"Yeah, it's almost like grandpa's breath," said Rosie.

"Guess that's the answer," said Kyle, pointing to the horizon. The 'river' came out from an immense liquor bottle.

"This ain't gonna be a jolly walk through the park," commented Rosie. "We better head for the memory."

And so, the five toddlers started their journey through Brian's mind. After some hours walking, Kyle saw something in the distance.

"Hey, there's smoke coming from that direction!" warned Kyle.

Everybody turned at the direction Kyle was pointing at, and they saw a column of smoke.

"Oh, that can't be good," said Rosie. "That means that some of Brian's psyche is burning!"

"I hope it's his refusal to wear clothes," said Maya dryly.

They all ran in the direction of the smoke, and saw a house with the roof on fire. However, they saw a banner in front of it that explained everything.

"Old Flames," Sophie read.

"Oh, that's a terrible pun," Kyle replied.

"Guess that explains the fire. This has to be an archive of Brian's former girlfriends."

"Really? Then I don't want to miss it!" said Stewie, rushing inside the building.

"Stewie! We have no time for this!" complained Kyle.

"Relax, bro. It won't hurt to take a look," said Maya with a wide smile.

"Why do you love to gossip about everybody?" asked the puppy.

"Guess that's how I am," said Maya with a shrug.

The house was simply a large room decorated with pictures of Brian's former girlfriends.

"My God, look how many lovers Brian had," said Sophie in amazement.

"To think that one of these women could be our mother..." said Kyle in awe.

"Yeah. Their sense of style is a fashion tragedy," commented Maya. "And some of them are ugly as sin," she then walked to another picture. "Especially this one. Look at that ugly red hair, and that hideously oversized nose..."

"AHEM!" Rosie said.

"Hey, there's something wrong with your throat? Do you want a mint?" asked Maya. But Rosie keep glaring at her.

**45 minutes later...**

"Oh, you took offense from what I said about red hair and big noses? Sorry, I didn't want to insult you. But you're very pretty, nothing like this woman."

"Nothing like that woman?" asked Rosie. "Maya, that's my grandma!"

"Ohhhhhhhh...who?"

"My grandma. Lois Griffin."

"Come again?"

"The mom of my mom, uncle Chris and Stewie."

"I still don't remember her."

"The woman that bring us milk with cookies whenever you come for a visit."

**80 minutes later...**

"OH, _that_ Lois!" said Maya in realization. "I never saw her in my entire life."

"UUUGGHHHH! You're impossible!"

"See what I have to put up with? And our mom is just like her," said Kyle offscreen.

"Anyway, we've been here for too long," Stewie said. "Let's keep moving."

They walked out of the burning building and continued their journey, until the path split in two.

"So, which direction we should take?" asked Kyle.

"Let me see the map," said Rosie, checking the map. "According to this, the path to the right side is the shortest route to reach Brian's memories,"

"Let's go to the right, then," said Maya.

"However, that path goes through Brian's Future Ideas for Novels," said Rosie. "All in favor to take the path to the right?"

Nobody said anything.

"That's what I thought," said Rosie. "To the left, then."

"To the left, to the left," Stewie sang as they walked, "Everything you own in a box to the left."

"SHUT UP!" Kyle screamed, "I WILL MURDER YOU!"

"You made the right choice!" said a man in a formal suit who suddenly appeared. "The left is always the right path! Because, if we decided to go to the right, everything would be catastrophic!"

"Wait a minute...are you Brian's political views?" asked Sophie.

"Imagine if the republicans won the elections! Children would carry guns, gays would be publicly executed, and they'd use the money from our taxes to declare a war on every other country!"

"Yup, he is," said Kyle, annoyed. "Let's get away from this guy as fast as possible,"

They followed the path to the left, and realized that they were entering a dark forest with dead trees, bats and other scary stuff.

"After seeing this, Brian's ego wasn't such a bad idea," said Sophie.

"Oh, come on, this place is just fine! Or it's that you're scared?" teased Stewie. "You'd love somebody to hug you and relieve your anguish, wouldn't you?"

"Yes!" said Sophie, as she came close to Stewie and grabbed his arm. "Thank for your offering!"

"Damn!" cursed Stewie.

Kyle laughed at him.

"Don't you laugh at me," Stewie snapped, "You're Brian's child. You like Pweterschmidt women!"

"That's not true I-" Kyle began to say, but caught himself watching Rosie's hair dance as she walked, "That's not true!"

"I don't like this place either," said Maya, shivering a little. "Can you check where are we?"

"Let me see..." said Rosie while consulting her map. "Oh, this is The Forest of Fear. Apparently, everything that Brian fears is here."

"Well, I don't know what dad fears, but this place is scary indeed," said Maya, nervously looking around.

"Hey, do you hear it?" asked Kyle, pricking up his ears. "Something is coming! Something big and terrible!"

"What do you-oh my god..." said Sophie, looking upwards.

Something big hovered over them, casting a huge shadow.

"Oh my God, that is..." stuttered Rosie.

"A dog's worst nightmare!" shrieked Kyle in horror.

Hovering above them, there was a giant vacuum cleaner.

"RUN!" yelled Rosie.

Everybody ran away, but they couldn't escape from the giant, flying vacuum cleaner. Kyle was almost swallowed, but he was able to hold on a tree branch.

"Kyle!" said Maya, watching her brother struggling.

"Maya, run and save yourself!" said Kyle. "Oh, who I'm trying to kid. Don't run and save me!"

"Hold on!" said Maya, as she came closer, trying to grab him. However, when she was about to grab his paw, Maya was dragged by the vacuum cleaner along with her brother. The vacuum cleaner then left.

"I knew we should have taken the right path...!" yelled Kyle from inside the vacuum cleaner.

"Kyle! Maya!" yelled Rosie.

But the vacuum cleaner already disappeared from view.

"Damn, what are we going to do now?" asked Sophie.

"Stewie, you know Brian better than anybody else, except maybe grandpa. Where could that vacuum cleaner have taken Kyle and Maya?" asked Rosie.

"Let me think," said Stewie. "Okay, everything that Brian fears in this place, so the vacuum cleaner should still be here. As for where it could have gone...wait, I got it!"

"Really?"

"Of course! They have to be in a place that Brian fears even more than a vacuum cleaner or even the toilet, but I don't know how to get there."

"Oh, that won't be a problem," said Rosie, summoning her magic broomstick. "Come on."

"Can you carry the three of us?" asked Sophie, unsure.

"Yeah. Now get on, or we might lose Kyle and Maya forever," urged Rosie.

Rosie, Stewie and Sophie got on the flying broomstick, and it slowly gained height until they were above the forest.

"Stewie, do you see anything?" asked Rosie.

"No. Fly around until I see it," said Stewie.

They were flying above the forest for several minutes, until Stewie saw what he was looking for.

"Look, there it is!" said Stewie, pointing something in the distance.

It was a large building, surrounded by a metallic fence. Lots of barks and moans came from inside. Above the entrance there was a banner that said DOG POUND.

"A dog pound, of course! You're so smart, Stewie!" beamed Sophie, hugging Stewie.

"Back off!" said Stewie, annoyed.

"Uh, guys...I think that there's a problem ahead," said Rosie, pointing to the flying vacuum cleaner.

"Don't worry, I have a plan," reassured Stewie.

"Really?" said Rosie, sporting a hopeful smile.

"Yeah. You distract that thing while this other harlot and I sneak into the pound and release the puppy and Jillian Jr."

Rosie's smile faded. "Alright, but don't take long."

Rosie dropped Stewie and Sophie at the pound's roof, right after engaging the vacuum cleaner. The two toddlers snuck into the building through the ventilation system. After some crawling, they arrived to a room in which many depressing looking dogs were held inside cages.

"Look at all these dogs. It looks that they're starving," said Sophie, saddened.

"Don't worry for them, this isn't real, just part of Brian's mind" said Stewie. "Just like his delusions of becoming a great novelist. HA!"

"Stewie, Sophie!" said Kyle's voice.

They found that Kyle and Maya were inside a cage.

"You have to get us out of here!" cried Maya. "This place is horrible! They won't let me watch Dora the Explorer!"

"The horror!" gasped Sophie, covering her mouth with her hands.

"Oh, come on, that show falsely states the importance of learning spanish," said Stewie, lock-picking the cage. "There."

"Freedom! Sweet freedom!" cheered Kyle.

"Don't celebrate yet, we have to get the hell out of here," said Stewie.

"Don't worry, nobody knows that we're going to escape," said Maya.

Suddenly, an alarm bell rang, while red lights filled the place.

"You had to say it, didn't you?" asked Kyle to her younger sister.

"RUN!" urged Sophie.

The four children ran through the building without any trouble, until they saw the exit door.

"We're almost there!" said Kyle. "Just a little more!"

However, before they could reach the exit, a huge, broad guard wearing an uniform with a net in one hand and a nightstick on the other blocked their path.

"You're not going anywhere!" said the guard, grinning evilly. "There's no escape. What are you going to do now?"

"How about if you say hello to MR. RPG-7!" yelled Stewie before pulling out a rocket launcher from his pocket and blowing the guard up with it.

"Why the hell you didn't do that when that giant vacuum cleaner was chasing us?" asked Kyle, glaring at Stewie.

"Because...I just forgot that I brought a rocket launcher, okay!"

"Anyway, let's get out of this horrible place before the stress makes my beautiful skin wrinkle," Maya said.

Outside of the building, they saw Rosie dealing with the giant vacuum cleaner. Stewie fired a rocket at it, blowing it up to pieces.

"You couldn't have done that earlier, couldn't you?" asked Rosie.

"Oh, what was that? Thanks Stewie for taking us out of this dog pound. Thanks Stewie for saving me from that vacuum cleaner, " said Stewie sarcastically as his voice pitch grew higher. "Why does nobody recognize when I do something good?"

"I do," said Sophie.

"Shut up!"

"Hey, look at that!" said Maya, cheered.

There was a banner that said 'Now leaving the Forest of Fear. Memories straight ahead'.

"Really?" asked Maya to the camera. "I was referring to a blue butterfly."

"Come on, let's find Brian as fast as possible. I'm getting sick of this place," said Stewie.

After a short walk, they arrived at Brian's memory.

"We're finally here," Rosie said. "Brian's memory."

Brian's subconscious was a large castle of white stone, surrounded by a wall of the same color. There was two golden statues of Michael Moore and Richard Dawkins.

"Hey, look at this," said Rosie, reading the caption of the statues. "Apparently, these guys are the people Brian admires the most."

"How beautiful," said Kyle sardonically, before pulling out the bazooka from Stewie's pocket and blowong up the two statues.

"Kyle! We aren't supposed to do that! We could give Brian an irreversible brain damage!" chastised Rosie.

"I'm sure that dad's fine"

Meanwhile, in the hospital, Brian's nose started to bleed. Back to Brian's mind...

"Besides, like he said so many times, I'm doing this for his own good. Now, if I could find a Chartlon Heston and a Ronald Reagan statue..."

"Can we put up a Paris Hilton and a Justin Bieber statue?" asked Maya.

"Sure, why not."

"Uhh...how about if we go in?" asked Sophie.

Inside the wall there is a golden statue of Jillian, holding Maya and Kyle. There was a plate that said _What I love the most_.

"Aww, how cute," beamed Sophie.

"Totally," said Rosie.

"God, this place is going to give me diabetes," complained Stewie.

"Okay, let's go in, dad has to be somewhere," said Kyle.

They entered the castle. They noticed that there were decorated by pictures of Griffins and Kennedys. There was a caption below each picture. Stewie went to check what he said about his.

"_Stewie Gilligan Griffin: A good friend of mine,_" read Stewie. "_Although sometimes I'm tempted with abandoning him on a desert island. _What the hell?"

"_Rose Mary Elizabeth Kennedy: I was always curious about how Meg's children would look like. Now I know." _Rosie read. "What's that supposed to mean?"

All of them were pictures of people all of them knew. However, Kyle was attracted by a certain picture. It was a 13 year old boy with brown hair that he never saw before.

"Dylan Flannigan..." Kyle started reading. "What the hell? He's dad son? I have a half brother!"

Stewie walked towards him. "Oh, you saw Dylan. I thought that Brian told you about him."

"No, he didn't," Kyle said, still shocked. "Wait, you know him?"

"He spent several days at our house," said Stewie. "You should have seen him. He's not like in the picture, all smart and nice looking. At first, he was a hellspawn, but Brian changed him into what he's now."

Kyle didn't respond.

"So, now that you know this, do you plan to meet Dylan in the future?" asked Stewie.

"Hell no!" replied Kyle in disgust. "I already have enough with an annoying little sister. Besides, here says that he likes pot. I don't want to know anything about this drug addict. Come on, we gotta find dad."

"I didn't expect that reaction," said Stewie. "On the other hand, if I had long lost siblings besides Megan and Chris I wouldn't give a damn about them either, so it isn't such a shock."

Suddenly, Kyle's face tensed, and pricked up his ears.

"Hey, what's wrong?" asked Stewie.

"Don't you hear it?" asked Kyle. "There's somebody here! And it's asking for help!"

The three girls heard what Kyle was saying, and got curious.

"Really?" asked Sophie.

"Yes, I can hear it too!" said Maya. "It comes from below!"

They descended to the floor below, and saw that there was a huge pile of rocks. The voice came from inisde.

"Can anybody hear me?" asked the voice.

"It's dad!" said Kyle. "Hang on dad, we're going to save you!" said Kyle, and began to remove rocks.

"How did you end up there?" asked Rosie.

"I was pacing around the memory, and suddenly everything began to shake, and bricks began to fall from the roof, trapping me here!" explained Brian.

"Come on, help me to free dad!" said Kyle.

The five kids starting removing bricks and debris until Brian was free.

"We did it!" said Rosie, triumphal. "Now Brian shouldn't be in a coma anymore."

And yes, soon afterward, the Griffins got a call from the hospital saying that Brian miraculously awoke, and immediately went to pick up Brian, along with Jillian, Kyle and Maya. They were in the hospital entrance.

"Oh, oogy, I'm so happy to see you again!" beamed Jillian, hugging and kissing Brian.

"We're all happy to have you back, Brian," said Lois, hugging Brian as well.

"Yeah, and it's even better that you decided not to sue me for hitting you with the car," said Peter

"What?"

"Nevermind," Peter said quickly.

"You know, after some of the havoc we caused, it's a miracle that Brian's still able to talk," whispered Rosie to the other kids.

"Oh, don't worry about him. His mind's just fine," Stewie assured. "I made sure of that..."

"Anyway, there's something I want to tell you," said Brian, adopting a serious tone. "I'm a douche and an asshole, with writing skills paralleled to a five year old, and can't get a job. Stewie is also the most intelligent and attractive person of the family. Wait, why did I say that?"

"Brian, I think that you still have some brain damage," said Meg, worried.

"I think that you had something to do with that," said Kyle, glaring at Stewie. Stewie grinned in return, before finally laughing maniacally.

"Oh, look, Stewie's also happy to see Brian again," commented Lois.

**End Chapter**

…

"...the end," Rosie concluded. Suddenly, the power returned.

"It was a great story," said Tommy.

"Totally! In fact, I can't wait for the next time the power goes out," said Scott.

"Maybe the next time you could tell us why uncle Stewie is still 1," suggested Lois Jr.

"That's one of the few things that magic can't explain," said Rosie, deadpan.

**Mini fanmail **

"Time to answer our fans' questions!" announced Meg. "Our first letter is from Lucky Amulet!"

_Lucky Amulet asks:_

_Rosie: What's it like caring for a phoenix like Flare? _

"It's pretty easy, I only have to feed him, since he doesn't poop and cleans himself,"

"Really?" asked Lois. "How?"

"He burns all the dirt off his feathers," said Rosie. "And he doesn't poop because his body absorbs all of what he eats."

"No wonder it always smells like something's burning," said Brian.

_Jillian: Will you be learning magic soon as well? _

"Well, I'm one of Ander's favorite characters, so I'm quite sure that yes," Jillian replied. "Gosh, I can't wait for my magic powers!"

"I don't want to imagine such thing," said Stewie dryly.

"And here is a new question from Rocket6923, and is for mom!" said Meg.

_Rocket6923 asks:_

_Lois, will there be any chapters of you doing any sexy dancing like you did in Mind Over Murder? _

"If Ander comes up with a moment in which I can do it, I'll do it for sure!" said Lois. "You know, this reminded me of that time I worked at the Handicapped Mafia striptease..."

"Hey, a letter from Fair White Phantom!" said Matt. "It's been a while since we saw her. The letter is for Death"

_Fair White Phantom asks: Hey, baby love. Since you're my absolute favorite character of all, I was wondering; Would you be willing to do me a favor and kill my LEAST favorite character, that nasty, ugly, useless old man Herbert? I mean, he's really, REALLY old, and molests innocent children, and so I doubt anyone would miss him. Plus he's in almost EVERY freaking episode now, whereas I haven't seen you in ages. I've always dreamed of such a thing happening. Whaddya say, babe? Hmmm?_

"Well, Herbert's already dead," said Death. "You only need to read chapter 35."

"And Herbert keeps gathering 'fans'," said Brian. "Let's move on with the next letter."

_Happymonkey asks: Stewie how do you feel about Rosie now, than when you first met? _

"Well, she's like a hot bath," Stewie began. "You don't like it at first, but then you get used to it."

"Eww, did you just describe your neice as a hot bath?" Brian asked, disgusted, "Keep the sexual innuendo to a minimum, this isn't Tale of the Valkyrie."

"Okay, that was the last letter," said Rosie. "But we aren't over yer, because it's time for the top 10!"

"This is, according to your votes, the 10 most popular characters of the fanfic," said Brian.

**#10 Nathalie and Maya (Score: 3 points)**

"Well, considering my low screentime, I feel really honored and happy," beamed Nathalie.

"So am I!" said Maya. "Can I say hello to mama and dad?"

"But...they're right here," said Lois, pointing at Brian and Jillian, who were standing next to them.

"Don't restrict my daughter!" said Jillian angrily. "Of course you can, sweetie,"

"Hello, mama! Hello dad!" said Maya cheerfully, and waved her hand. Jillian smiled and waved back. Brian rolled his eyes.

**#9 Peter (Score: 6 points)**

"Number 9? How can it be?" said Peter outraged. "I'm the funniest character of this house!"

"Peter, I think that it's time to admit that you aren't funny," said Matt. "I know it's hard, like when I discovered that wrestling was a fake."

"Not funny? Okay, I'll show you fun!" said Peter, and farted. "See? I just farted! Come on, that's super hilarious! And if you still think I'm not funny, I can reference pop culture."

Everybody rolled their eyes.

**#8 Jillian and Miriam (Score: 8 points)**

"Yay! I'm popular!" gushed Jillian.

"_Tres bien_! With so many followers, this will make my quest for world domination much easier!"said Miriam

"Are we included in the ranking?" asked Lorraine and Jeanne. Miriam gazed at them coldly.

**#7 Lois and Stewie Score: 11 points)**

"My, what an honor," said Lois, happy. "After seeing how much of a bitch my canon counterpart became, I'm so glad that I still keep so many people that loves me!"

"What the deuce? How can I be in such a low position! I'm much funnier than anybody else here! And to add insult to the injury, I'm sharing the position with that red headed bitch!" complained Stewie.

"Maybe our readers don't think the same," said Rosie bitterly.

**#6 Daphne (Score: 14 points)**

"Wow, I didn't expect this," said Daphne in surprise. "Thanks a lot to all the people who voted for me."

**#5 Sophie (Score: 15 points)**

"Great, I'm among the top five! Thanks everybody who voted for me!" said Sophie.

**#4 Matt (Score: 16 points)**

"Cool!" said Matt, visibly happy. "And for all the people who said that I was a bland character: F(Bleep!)CK YOU!"

"Come on Matt, take it easy, it's just a fanfic," said Meg, trying to calm her husband down.

**#3 Brian (Score: 18 points)**

"Awesome! And people said that I was uninteresting," said Brian. "Thanks everybody for your votes! It made me very happy!"

**#2 Rosie (Score: 42 points)**

"Hey, how the sea cow offspring gathered so many points? This is fixed!" said Stewie.

"Oh, shut up!" said Rosie, annoyed by Stewie's whining. "You and your so called humor got really old. I'm the new star!"

**And finally, the first spot is for...**

**#1 Meg (Score: 43 points)**

"I ranked first! I can't believe it! Oh, I'm so happy!" cheered Meg.

"You only beat me by one!" Rosie snapped.

"Well, the story is about you, so it shouldn't come as a surprise," said Brian.

"Congratulations, Meg," said Lois sincerely. "You worked really hard for this moment."

"This wasn't fair. How did Meg win while I was in the bottom of the list?" complained Peter.

"Yeah!" said Stewie.

"Hey, at least somebody voted for you, so you don't have any reason to complain!" said Chris.

"Well, that was all!" said Meg. "Hope you enjoyed the chapter, the fanmail and the ranking! See you next chapter!"

**End Mini fanmail**

**Once again, thanks for all the reviews.**


	46. An Historical Journey

**Chapter 46: An Historical Journey**

The Griffins and Kennedys were watching the TV.

"And now we return to _The Mentalist,_" said the TV announcer.

"Boy, I've been waiting for this episode so long," said Matt, totally excited. "In this episode, Patrick finally convinces Lisbon to sleep with him!"

"That's something many fans of this show have been waiting for," said Lois.

"Bow chika wow wow," Meg growled. The family turned to stare at her, "What?"

The episode was about to start, but suddenly the TV went static.

"No, no, no, no, no, nonononoNONONONONO! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" yelled Matt in desperation. He grabbed the TV and started shaking it. "YOU CAN'T DIE NOW! YOU CAN'T LEAVE ME LIKE THIS!"

"Daddy, calm down please!" said Rosie, grabbing her father. "You can always watch that episode on the internet."

"Hey, you're right," said Matt in realization. "The internet is much better than TV. Thanks Rosie!" and Matt hugged his daughter.

Suddenly, all the power goes out.

"So much for the internet," said Peter.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOO!" yelled Matt again.

"I think that I'm going to make him a lime tea," said Lois, who was about to stand up. "Hey, what I'm doing? I can do this!"

Lois snapped her fingers, and a hot lime tea appeared between Matt's hands.

"Come on, drink it. It'll make you feel better," said Lois.

"Thanks, but I don't think that-" was going to say Matt before Lois grabbed him by his hair and forced him to drink the tea.

"DRINK THE F(Bleep!)CKING TEA!" yelled Lois. "Don't you feel much better now?"

"Anyway, what are we going to do now?" asked Chris.

"Hey, maybe somebody could tell a story to pass the time," suggested Lois.

"And I have the perfect story. The story about a brave, fearless man who stood against an evil empire and led this country to freedom: my ancestor Geroge Washington-Griffin!"

"What!" asked Matt. "Are you telling me that George Washington, _that_ George Washington is your ancestor? YOURS! There's no way that can be true!"

"What? Are you calling me a liar?" asked Peter, outraged, rolling up his sleeves ready to beat Matt.

"Yes!" said Matt.

"Well, we live in a free country, so if that's your opinion then nothing can be done," said Peter calmly, unrolling his sleeves. "And that's thanks to MY ancestor!"

"I'll give you ancestry!" yelled Matt back.

Chris leaned over to Stewie, "Holy sh(bleep)t, when did this guy grow balls?"

"ENOUGH YOU TWO!" said Meg. "There's a way we can settle this, and see if dad's right. I saw a spell that can show us the past, so we can see if George Washington was dad's ancestor."

Moments later, Meg, holding the spellbook, was casting the spell that would let them peek into the past. In front of Meg, a portal opened.

"Okay, through that gate we should be able to see George Washington," said Meg.

"I don't see anything," said Peter.

"Yeah, it's too blurry," said Matt. "Can you do something about it?"

"Okay, let me try this..." said Meg.

Suddenly, the portal turned into a black hole that start to suck everything, while everybody hung on for their lives.

"What the hell's going on?" asked Brian.

"I don't know!" said Meg. "That wasn't supposed to happen!"

"You know," Stewie said, "Considering that sh(bleep)t like this happens all the time, maybe it was supposed to happen."

Unfortunately, Peter was sucked by the black hole, followed by Lois, then Matt, then Chris, then Stewie and finally Brian. The portal closed, leaving only Meg and Rosie.

"Oh my God..." said Meg, shocked. "What happened? Where's everybody?"

"I...I don't know..." said Rosie, frightened. "Mom, what are we going to do?"

In that very moment, a new portal opens, and an elderly old, bearded man dressed in a green robe, holding a staff appeared from it.

"Meg Griffin, I presume," said the bearded man.

"Y-yes...who are you? And do you know my name?" asked Meg.

"Let's see if you can guess it: I'm the greatest wizard of all time," said the man.

"Wait...long, white beard...wise pose...greatest wizard ever...of course, I know who you are!" said Rosie. The man smiled. "You're Dumbledore!" the man's smile faded.

"No, you idiotic kid! I'm Merlin, King Arthur's loyal adviser!" said Merlin.

"Merlin? And what are you doing here?" asked Meg.

"I felt several temporal waves that were disrupting the world and the continuous timeline. I tracked the source of those waves, and they led me to this time and place. Do you know what happened here?" asked Merlin. Meg shook her head. "Apparently, some of your family members were sent to different moments of history, disrupting the timeline. They have to be saved and brought to the place and time they belong."

"And...how are we going to do that?" asked Meg.

"Use this," said Merlin before handing Meg a scroll. "This magic scroll will show you in which time and place each member of your family is, and will allow you to time travel. When you're done, it will take you here again. Good luck."

"Wait, aren't you going to help us?" asked Meg.

"Sorry, I can't. I promised Morgan LeFey that I'd play strip poker with her tonight. Farewell!" and Merlin disappeared again.

"Okay Rosie, ready to go?" asked Meg.

"I want to take Flare with us," said Rosie. "Remember that grandpa's afraid of what Flare can do if he's left alone."

**Flashback**

The Griffins and Kennedys enter the house after spending the weekend out.

"We should took the bird with us," said Lois. "I know that he can take care of himself, but I'm afraid of what he could have done."

"Oh, come on Lois, you're exaggerating," said Peter before entering the house. A loud scream could be heard.

"Lois! That goddamed bird taped _Human Target_ over my Star Wars DVDs!" yelled Peter.

**End Flashback**

"Okay, here says that dad is in the stone age," said Meg. "Let's go!"

In a flash of light, Meg, Rosie and Flare abandoned their house to be somewhere in the stone age.

"Hey, were are we?" asked Rosie.

"I don't know," said Meg with a shrug. "But this should be the stone age. Come on, we have to find dad."

"It would be great if we could see a dinosaur," said Rosie.

"Rosie, dinosaurs were already extinct during the stone age," explained Meg. "And thank God, since I wouldn't want to face a T-Rex."

"Oh..." said Rosie in disappointment.

"But there were still lots of cool animals that don't exist today, like a mammoth or the sabertooth tiger," said Meg, trying to cheer Rosie up.

"Hey, you're right!" said Rosier. "There's a pack of sabertooth tigers! Look at those fangs!"

"See? I knew you would enjoy the- wait, WHAT!" said Meg in horror upon realizing the the felines were approaching them.

"I think that they are hungry," deduced Rosie, before realizing of something. "...and we're their meal, aren't we?"

Meg snapped her fingers and changed into her witch outfit. One of the tigers jumped at Meg, but she repelled the prehistoric animal with a beam of energy. Rosie also defended herself casting lightning bolts. However, despite their defense, the tigers didn't stop their attack.

"Damn, these overgrown cats never give up!" said Rosie.

"We have no choice. Run!" said Meg.

:I don't know the meaning of the word run!" Rosie said bravely.

One of the tigers roared into her ear.

"Hey I learned a new word today," she said quickly.

Meg, Rosie and Flare ran for their lives, with the tigers chasing them. However, the chase didn't last long, since they reached a cliff.

"This is a dead end! We can't escape!" panicked Meg. "We'll be devoured by prehistoric animals! Oh boy, there was so many things I wanted to do! I never went to a Lady Gaga concert yet!"

"Eww. Wait, I think I have an idea!" said Rosie. "Flare, surround us with a wall of fire!"

The phoenix shrieked as his body was engulfed by flames. He flew in the air, and the plummeted to the ground, effectively rising a wall of fire that scared the tigers away.

"Okay, now the tigers are gone, but we're trapped between a wall of fire and a cliff," said Rosie. "It wasn't such a good idea after all."

"Wait a minute! We're witches! The broomsticks!" said Meg, as she and Rosie summoned their broomsticks, and flew away, followed by Flare.

"You know, we could have saved all this time if we remembered earlier that we could fly," said Rosie.

"Don't remind me," said Meg in shame. "Okay, now, from the sky, we can look for dad better."

"Any clue of where he is?" asked Rosie.

"No, but my magic may help," said Meg, before putting her hands on the sides of her head, closing her eyes, and concentrating. An image of a cave came to her mind. "Okay, got it! Follow me!"

Meg led Rosie and Flare to the same cave she saw in her mind. They unsummoned their broomsticks, and entered the cave. As they expected. Peter was inside.

"Dad? Is that you?" asked Meg.

"Meg? Meg!" said Peter, happy to see his daughter. "What are you doing here?"

"That black hole sent you here. I came here to rescue you. You see, the black hole sent you and the rest to different times and places, and this Merlin guy gave me this scroll so I could find you and prevent you from altering the timeline."

"Sorry Meg, but I wasn't listening to you. I was thinking that, if they made a Star Wars sequel, would they hire the original cast or a new cast. It would be a shame if they hired new actors."

Meg groaned, as she took her glasses off and rubbed her eyes.

"Anyway, can you get us out of here? I'm freezing!" said Peter, rubbing himself.

"Grandpa, you could make a fire hitting two rocks together," suggested Rosie.

"Oh, I know, but I couldn't hit the two rocks I found. They're friends," explained Peter.

"Totally!" said rock 1. "We're friends since grade school."

"Well, except that time you slept with my girlfriend. I didn't want to see you again," said rock 2.

"Please, don't open old wounds. Besides, _she_ teased _me._" said rock 1.

"Yeah, she was a slut," said rock 2. "Thanks God that didn't ruin our friendship," said rock 2.

"...let's go to rescue mom," said Meg, opening the scroll. "Here says that she's trapped in the ancient Egypt."

"Cool! I always wanted to see the Great Wall!" said Peter, and clapped.

"I said Egypt. The Great Wall is in China," said Meg.

"Okay. Are we going to China after that?" asked Peter.

"No."

Peter frowned, crossed his arms and muttered something behind his breath in a childish manner.

Another flash of light, and the stone age scenery disappeared to give way to a vast sandy area.

"So, this is the ancient Egypt?" asked Rosie. "Wow, it's really hot here."

"Oh boy, there isn't a single house in sight," groaned Meg.

"Then there's no hope of finding a nice bar either," said Peter.

"Finding mom is going to be really hard."

"Can't you track her like you did with grandpa?" asked Rosie.

"Sorry, but my foresight isn't something I can use many times in a short interval," Meg explained.

"Hey, Rosie, why don't you send your bird to see if he sees anything?" suggested Peter.

"Wow grandpa, that was...a really good idea!" praised Rosie.

"See? I have my moments too," said Peter proudly. "Hey, look, a scorpion! Let's piss him off until he tries to sting us!"

"Very brief moments..." said Rosie. "Okay Flare, fly around and tell us if you see anything."

Flare cawed at Rosie's order, and flew away. Minutes later, Flare was back.

"Boy, that was quick," said Peter.

"So, did he find anything?" asked Meg, while Flare cawed something at Rosie.

"Yes, he said that he found a large building, and felt grandma's magic energy coming from within!" said Rosie, excited.

"Good job, Flare!" said Meg, petting the phoenix on the head. "Take us there!"

After a long walk, Flare took them to a large Egyptian temple.

"Wow, look at that," said Rosie, amazed. "And grandma's there?"

"Okay, let's go in," said Meg, as they entered in the temple. It was very dark, but Meg summoned a pink ball of light that acted as a lantern.

"Hey, what if there are mummies who want to kill us of for disturbing their eternal rest?" asked Peter.

"This is a temple, not a pyramid. There aren't mummies here, so you can relax." clarified Meg.

"I remember a movie in which a group of archeologists went to a similar temple, and it was full of traps," commented Rosie. "What if there are traps in this temple?"

"Good question," said Meg. "I always wondered why Egyptians loaded their temples and pyramids with traps."

**Flashbacks**

Several thousand years ago, some Egyptian architects are overlooking the construction of a pyramid.

"Okay, we put at least ten traps on each hallway, and other ten on each room," said an architect.

"May I ask why we have to put in so many traps?" asked another architect. "We could save a lot of money and effort if we discarded the traps."

"...because I'm an asshole."

**End Flashbacks**

"Anyway, we will be okay as long as we don't push any button nor pull any lever," said Meg.

"Like this one?" asked Peter, pulling a lever.

"NO-!"

A trapdoor suddenly opens, and Meg, Rosie and Peter fell below.

"Good one, grandpa!" said Rosie.

"Thanks, I always want to help," replied Peter.

"THAT WASN'T A COMPLIMENT!"

They fell on a room full of sand, that housed several huge statues.

"Is everybody okay?" asked Meg.

"Yeah, although I've been better," complained Rosie while she shook the sand from her dress.

"It's pure luck that all this sand softened the impact," said Peter. "It could have been much worse."

Suddenly, the mouth the statues opened, and started to throw sand.

"Well, now it got much worse. Are you happy now?" asked Rosie, angered.

"We should find a way out before the sand fills the whole room," said Meg.

"Hey, can't Rosie teleport us out of here?" asked Peter.

"I need to know where I'm going," said Rosie. "We could end up in a room full of snakes or scorpions."

"Look at these hieroglyphs," said Meg. "Maybe they tell a way to get out of the room."

"But none of us here knows what they mean!" panicked Rosie.

"Hey, there's a button here," said Peter, looking a button with a snake on it. "Let's see what it does."

"NO!"

The sands stop flowing, but another trapdoor opens. However, nothing happens.

"What's going on?" asked Meg.

Flare entered the trapdoor, and came out with the skeleton of a snake in his beak. They entered the room, and saw lots of snake corpses.

"Well, guess that those Egyptians weren't as smart as they thought, and forgot to leave them some food." laughed Peter. "Snakes are people too."

"Hey, there's another door here!" said Rosie, and opened the door. Much to everybody's surprise, there was Lois, figuring out a way to get out of there.

"It's grandma!" said Rosie, happy.

Lois turned around to see her family.

"Peter! Meg! Rosie!" said Lois, and rushed to hug them. "I'm so happy to see you!"

"Mom!" said Meg, hugging her back.

"Now that we found grandma, we should leave," said Rosie.

"Do you know how to leave this place?" asked Lois. "Because I've been trapped here for hours!"

"Okay, sit down, I'll explain what happened..." said Meg.

And after explaining Lois what was going on, they used the scroll to travel to their next age, the Middle Ages. They appeared in the middle of a mildly populated medieval town. A castle could be seen in the horizon. Oddly enough, nobody paid attention to the newcomers.

"Holy crap! We're in a Monthy Pyton movie!" exclaimed Peter, looking around.

"Don't be silly, this is the middle ages," explained Lois. "This has to be a town in the middle of Europe."

"Correct," said Meg. "According to the scroll, Matt and Brian should be here."

"Let's ask these townspeople if they saw anything," said Peter, walking to a random man who was carrying a basket. "Hey, excuse me, did you saw a brown haired teen and a talking white dog?"

"Yes, yes I did," said the man. Peter stood there.

"And?"

"And what?"

"Aren't you going to tell me where did you see them?" asked Peter annoyed.

"Hey, you only asked if I saw them, not where," said the man.

"Okay, WHERE did you see them?" asked Peter.

"They appeared in the town out of nowhere," said the man. "However, they were kidnapped by a witch that lives in the outskirts, near the town. She said something about unveil the secrets of time or something like that."

"The witch! The witch is here!" screamed a random woman, and everybody fled in panic. "Run for your lives!"

A dirty blond, attractive woman wearing a purple robe and a pointy hat, flying on a magic broomstick, appeared above them.

"More time travelers!" said the witch in delight. "Excellent, you can tell me the secrets of time travel, since the other two I captured didn't know anything."

"Just who the hell are you?" asked Lois.

"I think I have on idea who," Meg said.

"My name is Zatavia, the lady of shadows!" said Zatavia in an over the top manner. "Now come with me if you know what's good for you!"

"Okay, never mind," Meg added.

"Never!" yelled Rosie. "And release my dad our dog, or I'll make you pay!"

"Ha! You and what army?"mocked Zatavia.

Peter grinned. "What an idiot! When somebody says that, a huge army appears! Now we only have to wait until our army appears, kill this witch and rescue Matt and Brian. Just wait a moment!"

**A moment later...**

Peter looked around, only to see that there was no army.

"Crap! It always works when it's me who says it!" complained Peter.

"Hey, what's that scroll? It emits a strong magical energy!" Zatavia used her telekinesis to snatch the scroll from Meg's hand.

"Hey, we need that!" said Meg.

"Well, if you want it so badly, come here and take it away from me!" challenged Zatavia.

"Oh, I will!" said Meg, changing into her witch attire, and summoning her magic broomstick.

"Hey, you're a witch too! I didn't know that! Anyway, witch or not, you won't get this scroll!" and Zatavia flied away.

"I'm going to get the scroll back!" said Meg. "You find where Matt and Brian are, and free them!" and Meg flew away

The townspeople began to come out again now that the witch was gone. Rosie walked to the same man Peter talked with before.

"Excuse me, do you know where the witch's hideout is?" asked Rosie.

"Yes. Follow that path for two miles, then turn to the right, and you'll see a tumulus. You can see her hideout from there," the man explained.

"Thank you!" said Rosie.

"Hey, why the hell he didn't make YOU specify your question?" complained Peter.

"Because I get everything I want," Rosie said, "I'm adorable."

"There's no time for this. Come on, we have to free Matt and Brian," urged Lois.

Meanwhile, in the sky, a chase was taking place. Meg was following the witch Zatavia to recover the magic scroll.

"Give me that, you whore!" said Meg while shooting fireballs at the other witch.

"Never!" replied Zatavia. "You have no idea of the power this scroll holds, and I'm not going to leave it in the possession of a fat, bratty girl!"

"Oh, _that's it_," muttered Meg coldly. "You're going down! NOBODY CALLS ME BRATTY"

"We'll see that, dear, won't we?" said Zatavia. The witch put her hands together and was surrounded by a black fog. Hundreds of bats came from the fog and flew at Meg, who tried to get rid of the bats as quickly as she could.

Meg then got an idea. She concentrated like she was going to cast a Thunderbolt, but instead of casting it from her hands, she surrounded her whole body with electricity, effectively killing the bats. She cast her hands upwards, and immediately the clouds turned darker, while thunder clapped. A bolt of lightning struck Zatavia, although it only hit the broomstick. Still, it forced the blonde witch to descend.

"Now give me back that scroll!" said Meg, getting off of the broomstick.

"Never!" yelled Zatavia before casting a bolt of shadows at Meg. Meg defended herself with an energy shield.

Meg then countered by casting several fireballs at Zatavia, but she dodged them. The blonde witch summoned several dark balls that began to spin around her fast, before flying towards Meg, leaving a trail of black smoke behind. Meg dodged some of the balls while blocking others with a protective sheild, while Zatavia laughed maniacally.

"I'm bored of this, I think that I'm going to kill you already," said Zatavia, before summoning a ball of blue fire on each hand.

"_Crap, this is bad,_" Meg thought. _"I need to think of some brilliant plan to defeat her...hey I got it!"_

"Hey, look over there!" yelled Meg.

"Do you really think that I'm going to fall for that? Now die!" said Zatavia, ready to kill Meg.

"It's a pity you don't want to turn around," said Meg. "Because it's something worth watching."

"You are not going to fool me!" said Zatavia, who was more nervous.

"You know, I missed a lot of cool things in my life, but this one...I don't think I'd forgive myself if I missed it..."

"SHUT UP ALREADY!" yelled Zatavia in anger. "DON'T YOU SEE THAT I'M GOING TO KILL YOU!"

"After seeing such thing, I think I wouldn't mind to die," said Meg.

"AAGGHHH! WHAT'S SO INTERESTING?" asked Zatavia, turning around. "Hey, there's nothing here! I knew you were fooling-"

But Zatavia was interrupted by Meg's magic blast, leaving her unconscious.

"Sorry, but had you turned around sooner, you wouldn't have missed it," said Meg. She checked Zatavia's clothes, and took the magic scroll. "Perfect. Now I only have to meet the others and leave this place."

Meanwhile, the rest of the family arrived at Zatavia's hideout, which was a gloomy-looking, big rambling house.

"Dad and Brian are there. I know it," stated Rosie.

"Can you feel their presence? Or did you have a vision?" wanted to know Peter.

"No, I can see them from that window," said Rosie pointing to a window from where Matt and Brian could be seen. They were tied to a column. "Now we only need a way to enter."

"Don't worry, I'll use all my strength to take down this old door," said Peter before kicking the door. However the door was much more resilient than it appeared. "MY FOOT! I THINK I BROKE MY FOOT!"

Everybody stood there, looking at Peter.

"What?" Peter asked.

"Aren't you going to do the 'shhhhhh...ahhhhh' thing?" asked Lois.

"Lois, I might be a retard, but I'm not that predictable," replied Peter. "Besides, I don't need to give Matt more reasons to say that I'm not funny."

"Let's see if I can take down the door with my magic," said Lois. Lois cast her hands at the door, and shot an energy blast. However, the door wasn't even charred.

"Boy, this door is strong," said Lois, shaking her head. "There's no way we can open it."

Rosie then had an idea. "Maybe we can't open it from the outside," said Rosie before disapperaing in a flash of light. The door then suddenly opened, revealing Rosie. "See? I just teleported inside and opened the door from there."

"I think we all deduced that, Captain Obvious," said Peter.

"Come on let's free Matt and Brian, and get the hell out of here," urged Lois.

They went in, and released Matt and Brian. Rosie also explained them what happened and what they had to do to rescue the rest of the family. Later they were joined by Meg, and traveled to the last destination, where Chris and Stewie were. In a flash of light, the medieval background disappeared, and they found themselves in the middle of a tropical jungle.

"Where are we?" asked Brian.

"According to the scroll, we're still in the middle ages, but this is Mexico," said meg, reading the scroll.

"And Chris and Stewie are here? Come on, we have to save them as soon as possible," urged Lois.

"Mom, can you use your foresight again?" asked Rosie.

"Let me try," said Meg, closing her eyes and putting her hands on the sides of her head. After some moments, she opened her eyes. "I saw them! They're inside an Aztec temple, not too far from here!"

"Did you see them? Are they okay?" asked Lois worriedly.

"From what little I saw, I think so," replied Meg. "But we better get moving."

"Wait, how are we going to find that temple?" asked Peter.

"Maybe Brian can track their scent," suggested Matt.

"There are lots of smells here, but I can try," said Brian, and started to sniff the air. "Hey, I think that I got something!"

"Okay, guide us, Brian," said Lois.

"It's so great to see that you're finally doing something helpful," commented Matt.

Brian led the group through the thick jungle, avoiding its deadly fauna and dangerous flora.

"Do you see anything?" asked Matt.

"With so much undergrowth it's impossible to see anything," replied Lois. "I think that we should-" and Lois fell to the ground, totally uncoscious.

"Oh my God! Mom!" said Meg, and rushed to check her mother's body.

"What did she happen to her?" asked Peter.

"Hey, look at her neck," Brian pointed out. Much to everybody's shock, there was a dart stuck in her neck.

Suddenly, Matt also fainted.

"DAD!" yelled Rosie. She saw another dart in his neck. Then Peter and Brian also fainted.

"What the hell's going on?" asked Rosie.

"I think that some aztecs are attacking us! Quick, take Flare and put yourself on a safe place!" said Meg.

"What about you, mom?" asked Rosie, almost on the verge of crying.

"Don't worry about me, now-" but Meg was taken down by another dart to the neck.

"Come on Flare, we have to flee!" Rosie jumped on flare's back, and the phoenix flew away.

...

Hours later, everybody awakened. They were inside an stone building decorated with precolonial tribal art (they all guessed it was some kind of temple). They were totally tied up.

"Oh boy, this is like that dream I had," said Matt. "Except that only Meg and Lois were bound." Everybody stared at him blankly. "...and I said that aloud, didn't I?"

"If my hands were free I'd slap you right now," Meg snapped, "AND STOP MAKING SEXUAL COMMENTS ABOUT MY MOM!"

"Hey, you woke up," said Chris, who was also tied up. "What's up?"

"Oh Chris! I'm so relieved to see that you're okay!" said Lois, happy to see her son. "Wait, where's Stewie?"

"I don't know. Those indians captured us and took me here, but I don't know what they did with Stewie," said Chris. "By the way, how did we get here? And how are we going to get back home."

One explaination later...

"I see," said Chris. "No wait, I just didn't get anything. Can you start all over again?"

"Anyway, we have to get away from here," said Brian, ignoring Chris. "Can any of you use some magic to untie yourselves?"

"Sorry, I can't," said Meg. "I need my hands to cast spells."

"Me too," said Lois.

"And I don't know how wind could help in this situation," said Matt.

"My suggestion is to be patient, and trust in the aztecs' good will," said Peter.

"Peter, are you nuts?" asked Lois.

"Why do you bother to ask?" said Brian dryly.

"Oh, come on, we don't have to be racists. I'm sure that in any moment they'll come here and release us, Just wait."

At that very moment, a bunch of aztecs entered in the room and began to untie them.

"You aren't going to spend any more time here," said one of the aztecs.

"See?" said Peter with a triumphant smile.

"...because you're going to be sacrificed to our new emperor."

"...crap."

"Peter, did you realize that, whenever you open your mouth, something horrible happens?" asked Matt.

"Hey, at least I was trying to be tolerant," Peter replied. "...you racist bastard."

Still bound, they were took to a huge stone chamber decorated with statues of the aztec gods. The chamber was illuminated by several skylights that allowed the sunlight to enter. There were many other aztecs holding spears and blowpipes. The emperor was in a throne, and it turned out to be no other than Stewie, who was also dress like an aztec, tribal markings and all.

"Stewie?" asked Lois in shock.

"They've made Stewie their emperor?" asked Brian, as incredulous as the rest. "No wonder why they were crushed by Hernan Cortes."

They picked Lois and began to strap her to a stone table.

"You'll be the first sacrifice," said one of the aztecs.

"What? NOO!" yelled Lois in desperation, while Stewie watched in delight.

"Stewie, you have to stop this!" demanded Brian, but he was kicked by an aztec.

"Nobody shall speak to our emperor, scum!" said the aztec.

"Yes! Finally that bitch's going to die!" said Stewie.

"Crap, we have to do something," said Meg.

"Let me try something," said Peter. "Too bad that there isn't an earthquake that kills all the aztecs while releases us." They waited, but nothing happened. "Okay, I got nothing."

"The only good thing is that Rosie isn't here," said Meg. "She won't have to witness this."

"Too bad that she isn't coming to rescue us," sighed Matt.

The aztec priest was about to stab Lois in the chest with an obsidian dagger, but he was blasted by a fireball. Everybody looked up, and saw Rosie, riding Flare, while the Indiana Jones tune played in the background.

"Oh come on! Why does it work for everybody but me?" complained Peter.

While all the aztecs tried to take down Flare with their spears, Rosie quickly liberated her family.

"Are you okay?" asked Rosie.

"Yes. Nice timing!" said Meg. "Now we have to get mom and Stewie and get the hell out of here!"

"I'll take care of it," said Matt, casting his hands forwards, and summoning a cyclone that tossed the aztecs away, leaving the path open for Lois and Stewie. Peter and Matt quickly untied Lois while Meg grabbed Stewie.

"Get your dirty hands off me, you sea cow!" said Stewie while squirming from Meg's grip.

"Flare, time to go!" said Rosie, and the phoenix flew by her side.

Meg used the scroll one more time, and they were teleported back to the safety of the Griffin household, in the present era.

"Oh boy, we did it!" said Peter. "And thanks to me!"

"What? You didn't do anything! It was me who saved your asses!" said Rosie.

"I didn't ask to be saved," muttered Stewie under his breath.

"Just let it go, Rosie," said Brian. "In his mind, he did save us."

"You know, after all this, we still don't know if George Washington was Peter's ancestor," said Lois.

"Like Brian said, let Peter imagine whatever he wants too," said Matt with s shrug. "In fact, it was that stupid fight that led us to being lost through different ages of history."

"Anyway, since we have nothing better to do, I'm going to tell you another story about another famous griffin ancestor: Abraham Lincoln-Griffin!"

"Oh, not again!" said Matt before engaging Peter in a fight while Meg and Lois shook their heads in disgust.

**End Chapter.**

**Mini-Fanmail**

"The chapter is over, so as usual, we're going to read our fans' letters," announced Meg. "The first one is from Hotstreak."

_Hotstreak asks: Rosie, do you think __how your life would be if you were normal?_

"Horrible,"said Rosie. "Since magic is like the internet: once you try it, you can't live without it."

"Okay, here we have a letter from dumbbunnies," said Matt.

_Dumbbunies asks: Stewie will you still be 1 when Rosie is older? _

"Well, I hope not," said Stewie. "Seeing her grow while I'm stuck as a baby would be shameful."

"Let's go to our next letter, from Nick Springhope," said Lois. "What a nice name..."

_Nick Springhope asks: How long do you intend to keep this series running and two do you have a finale planned out?_

Well, there will be between 3 or 5 chapters more before the grand finale, although I still have to plan some things.

_Rosie, any chance we will see your new siblings anytime soon? _

"I know for sure that they won't appear in this story, so you'll have to wait for the sequel," Rosie answered.

"Our next letter is from candyfloss," said Brian, opening the letter.

_Candyfloss asks: Kyle, do you have a crush on Rosie? _

"Of course not," said Kyle. "Why I should? Just look at that big nose... that graceful pose...and flowing red hair... and big shining eyes..."

Rosie blushed a bright red.

"Awwwwww," the rest of the family cooed.

"That's adorable," Brian said.

"Here we have another letter, from pinkpiggy," said Meg.

_Pinkpiggy asks:will we see more of Zoe soon? and would you make a crossover with other cartoon TV shows or fanfics? _

No, I don't think we'll see more of Zoe, since she appears in Chris chapters, and I won't use Chris anymore, so sorry, but no.

And answering to the second question, no, I won't make a crossover with another cartoon show. As for crossover with another fanfic...well, it would depend on which fanfic...

Suddenly a portal opened and a black haired man looked through, pointing at Meg.

"I challenge you to a duel!" he said menacingly.

Meg shot a single bolt of energy into his eyes and he fell to the floor and the portal closed.

"I win, motherf(bleep)cker," Meg said toughly.

"And here we have the last letter from HyperForce," said Brian. "You probably already know him as the president of the Meg Griffin Fan Club on deviantart."

"Hey, and who's the president of the Peter Griffin Fan Club?" asked Peter.

"I don't think such thing exist," said Meg.

"Oh, come on, if Meg has a Fan Club, I _must_ have one too!" said Peter, angrily. "Well, at least nobody else has a fanclub..."

"Peter...I have a fanclub," said Lois.

"Yeah, me too," said Brian.

"Ditto here," said Stewie.

"Even I have a fanclub!" cheered Jillian.

"...I hate you all!" yelled Peter, and went upstairs to sob.

"Anyway, let's go to the question..." said Matt.

_HyperForce asks: Meg, Rosie, what would've you're dream worlds had been like they were seen? _

"Well, that's hard to answer," said Meg. "I usually dream that everybody at school welcomes me throwing me rose petals while they cheer my name in unison."

"And my dreams..." Rosie began to think. "For some reason, I have this recurrent dream in which a voice tell me to somehow transfer my powers to Stewie."

"How curious," said Stewie, all shifty-eyed.

"And here ends another minin fanmail," said Meg. "See you on the next chapter, and don't forget to review!"

**End Mini-Fanmail**


	47. Jillian's Motherhood Blues

**Chapter 47: Jillian's Motherhood Blues**

An alarm clock rang. It was early in the morning, and Jillian Russel got ready for her daily routine. She woke up, removed her night gown and took a shower. Right after that, she got dressed with her usual clothes, and made herself a light breakfast. Some moments later, she woke up her two children, Kyle and Maya, and prepared their breakfast. Then, she'll drop them at the Griffin's for Brian to take care of them, and they could spend some time with their father, while Jillian was at work on a photographic studio. After six hours of working day, she picked up her kids.

"So, how about if we spend the afternoon in the mall, kids?" asked Jillian while driving to the mall.

"Sounds great, mama!" cheered Maya. "Could you buy me a new dress?"

"Of course. You know I love to go shopping with you."

"Another dress?" moaned Kyle. "You have enough dresses at home."

Maya looked at him like he said the most stupid thing in the world.

"There's no such thing as 'enough dresses'," replied Maya.

"Besides, you'll outgrow all of them in a few months! I can't believe that you make mom to waste the little money she gets on such stupid things," complained Kyle angrily.

"Come on kids, stop arguing," said Jillian. "Kyle, how about if I buy you a comic or something you like?"

"Fine!" said Kyle in a completely new mood. "Let the waste of money begin!"

They entered in the mall, and were about to hit the stores, until somebody called Jillian.

"Jillian! Over here!" said a female voice.

Much to Jillian's surprise, there were their former group of friends, sat on a table on a café.

"Oh my god!" said Jillian, rushing at them. "It's you! I can't believe how much time passed since the last time I saw you. Oh boy, I've been so busy..."

"You know that, if you remove the y from busy, you get bus?'" asked her blonde friend. "And if you put a t between the s and the y you get busty!"

"Hey, there are two small things running around you," said her dirty blonde friend.

"Don't be silly! These are my children, Kyle and Maya," said Jillian.

"Nice to meet you, ladies," said Maya while bowing. Kyle simply grunted something inaudible.

"Oh, they're sooooo cute," beamed her brunette friend. "I wish I had a baby too! Where did you bought them?"

"I didn't buy them. They came out of my belly," said Jillian.

Her friends stared at her blankly.

"If you don't want to tell us, okay, but don't make up such blatant lies," said her dirty blonde friend.

"But I'm telling you the truth! In fact, I can explain you how it works," said Jillian.

"And where did you learn that?" asked her blonde friend.

"Brian told me," said Jillian. She then turned at her kids. "Children, mom is going to catch up with her friends. Here, take $20 each and buy something nice."

"Thanks!" said both kids in unison.

Kyle and Maya disappeared from sight, and Jillian started to chat with her friends.

…

Hours later, Jillian is ready to get back home, and after saying goodbye to her friends, she got in her car and drove to her house.

"Today was a nice day, don't you think so, kids?" asked Jillian, but she got no answer. "Hey, I asked you something, don't be so mean and pretend that I'm not here! Kids?" Jillian turned around and saw the back seat empty, much to her horror. "OH MY GOD! I forgot my favorite jacket the mall! Oh, wait, it's here..."

Hey, I wasn't referring to that!

"Then what?" asked Jillian.

Your kids! You forgot them at the mall!

"OH MY GOD! Don't worry, mom is going to save you!" said Jillian as she violently turned around in the middle of the road, back to the mall.

Meanwhile, in the Griffin home, Peter is watching TV.

"On our local news, two children were almost locked inside the Quahog mall," said Tom Tucker.

"Fortunately, the mother realized of this and came back before the mall closed. Here is a picture of the children and their mother," said Diane, and a picture of Jillian, Kyle and Maya appeared on screen.

"Hey, Brian, come here!" said Peter. "Your girlfriend and kids are appearing on TV."

"What?" said Brian, as he and the rest of the Griffins walked in. "Oh my God!"

"I know that you guys are thinking that this isn't interesting enough to be in the news, but nothing else happened and we have to fill up 10 minutes of local news," explained Tom.

"Now we go to Ollie Williams, who's going to be fired tomorrow. How's your last day here, Ollie?"

"WHAT?" asked Ollie.

"Thank you Ollie," said Tom.

"Boy, this is horrible!" said Brian nervously. "I know people whose kids were placed on foster homes for much less than being forgotten in a mall!"

"Really? Who?" asked Lois.

"...I just saw it on the internet, okay?" replied Brian.

"Anyway, Brian's right. This doesn't look good for Jillian. Boy, just the though of losing Rosie makes me shiver!" exclaimed Matt.

"But hey, she forgot them at the mall. I'll never forget my kids," said Peter.

"Peter, you forget about the kids constantly!" said Lois. "In fact, you forgot Stewie last week at Chuckie's Cheese."

**Flashback**

During night, Stewie was at Chuckie's Cheese, which was already closed, in the ball pit.

"Hello? Is somebody there? Lois? Fatman? Sea cow offspring? Anybody? I've been here for too long!" said Stewie.

"I'm sorry to say that he forgot about you," said a man, emerging from the pit. "I remember that my parents also left me here when I was your age, and I've been living here since."

"And why you did that?" asked Stewie.

"Because I spent so many time here, that this is the only world I know," said the man, in an enigmatic tone.

**End Flashback**

"Come on Lois, I'll never forget about our son Brian," said Peter.

Lois was about to speak, but she closed her mouth. She just shook her head in disgust.

At that very moment, somebody knocked the door. It was Jillian, and she looked really sad.

"Jillian!" exclaimed Brian, nervously. "Where are the kids?"

"At home. Nathalie is babysitting them." replied Jillian. Brian sighed in deep relief. "However, those Social Services guys gave me this," said, and gave Brian a paper note.

"What does it say?" wanted to know Meg.

"Here says that Jillian will be visited by an inspector in a week to check if she's a good mother, and if she does not pass, Kyle and Maya will be placed in a foster home!" Brian read.

"That's horrible!" said Lois.

"Yeah, I'm sure that they don't have cable there," said Peter.

"You guys have to help me!" begged Jillian. "They can't take my kids from me! They're my life! Well, them and _Keeping Up with the Kardashians_, but mostly them!"

"Well, you only need to show that inspector that you're a good mom, and everything will be fine," said Lois, trying to reassure the blonde.

"I know that I'm a good mother. I feed them, bath them, buy them clothes and toys and read stories at night!"

**Flashback**

Maya was on her crib, while Jillian is reading her a classic tale.

"...and so the Prince puts on Cinderella's foot the crystal slipper and he realizes that she's the girl who danced with him" read Jillian the story "And finally, they both got married and lived happily ever after."

"How beautiful," beamed Maya.

"Maya, this stories usually have some kind of moral behind. Can you guess the moral of this one?" asked Jillian.

"Hmmmmmm..." Maya began to think. "It's important to wear fashionable and fancy shoes, since that can get you a rich husband."

"Exactly!" said Jillian. "I'm glad to have such a smart daughter."

Maya smiled proudly. Jillian the gave her a good night kiss and left.

**End Flashback**

"But I'm afraid that something like this may happen again. I'm usually forgetful, but I never thought that I would leave my children alone at the mall. That's why I need some help."

"Okay, I'll help you," offered Meg.

"Really? Oh, thank you, Meg!" said Jillian, hugging her.

"It's all right. Tomorrow morning I'll drop by your house, and I'll teach you how to be a good mother."

"I can't wait for it," said Jillian before leaving the house.

"Meg, are you sure you can do this?" asked Lois. "You don't have too much experience as a mother."

"Mom, if I was able to raise a magic-powered kid, teaching Jillian basic motherhood tips won't be hard," said Meg.

"Hey, maybe I could help with the interview too," said Brian. "If the inspector sees that Jillian has my help, maybe he'll reconsider."

"I don't think so," said Matt. "The best way you can help is by doing nothing."

"And why?" asked Brian, arms crossed.

"Well, for starters, you don't have a job or a way to support those kids economically," said Matt.

"And you and Jillian aren't married," said Lois.

"And you don't even live with them," added Peter.

"...and you're a dog!" said Stewie.

"F(bleep!)ck you!" angrily yelled Brian before going upstairs.

The very next day, Meg was at Jillian's house in order to teach her how to be a good mother. Jillian was holding a pen and a notebook.

"Okay, I'm ready to learn," said Jillian.

"Hey, Meg," said Nathaile.

"Oh, hi, Nathalie!" said Meg. "What's up?"

"I'm going to take the kids to the park while you're here," said Nathalie. "We're going to have a great time, aren't we?" asked Nathalie to Kyle and Maya.

"I hope this to be better than the fairy tales mom reads me at night," said Kyle.

**Flashback**

Kyle was on his crib, and Jillian was about to read him a tale.

"This is the story of a boy named Rick. Rick's dad was a bear. Rick's mom was also a bear. But Rick was a bear too, so there was no problem. The end." Jillian sighed dreamily. "Don't you love happy endings?""

"What was that?" asked Kyle, totally puzzled.

**End Flashback**

After Nathalie, Kyle and Maya left, Meg and Jillian began to work on the latter's maternal skills.

"First of all, let's see how good you feed your children," said Meg, taking a look at Jillian's fridge. "Jillian, you have a lot of sugar-high food here."

"Well, they ask me to buy it, and I want to make them happy," said Jillian.

"Jillian, in order to be a good mother, you have to do what's best for your kids, not what they like or want. You should cut the quantity of sugar they eat to at least the half."

"But how I'm going to cut the sugar? Sugar comes in grains. Oh wait, I can freeze the sugar, and then cut it. See? I'm smart!" cheered Jillian. Meg groaned and shook her head.

"This is going to take longer than I thought..."

Meanwhile, in the Griffin house, Lois just finished doing her chores, and saw Rosie in the TV. Maybe she could spend some time with her granddaughter while Meg taught Jilliaqn the basics of motherhood.

"Hey Rosie, what are you doing?" asked Lois.

"Playing a video game," said Rosie, not taking her eyes away from the screen.

"Oh. Well, I thought that we could do something together, but I see that you're already having a good time," said Lois, who was about to leave.

"Well, the game has multiplayer option," said Rosie. "You can play with me if you want."

"Really? Nice!" said Lois, sitting besides Rosie. "But I don't have any idea of how these video games works."

"Don't worry, I'll teach you. It's very easy."

"And which game are you playing?" asked Lois.

"Destruction and Death III," said Rosie.

Lois frowned. "I don't think that such game is suited for a little girl like you."

"Oh, that's just the title. The actual game has nothing to do with it," said Rosie, showing Lois the game's case.

Indeed, the game was about a farm animal who had to rescue his fellow animals and take them back to the safety of the farm.

"Don't you have another game?" asked Lois.

"Yes. The Princess' Journey," said Rosie, handing Lois the case.

In the cover there was a teenage girl, covered in blood, holding a sword on each hand, standingover a pile of severed heads.

"Okay, how do I play?" asked Lois.

"First you need to press start," said Rosie. Lois did so.

"Hey, the screen just changed!" said Lois.

"That's because you have to choose your character. You can choose between the cow, the pig, the sheep and and the chicken. Well, not the sheep since I choose it already," explained Rosie.

"I think that I'll choose the chicken," said Lois.

"Really? Nobody chooses the chicken. Sure it flies, but the rest of its abilities are a bit lame," said Rosie.

"Trust me, chickens are tougher than you think," said Lois. "Okay, now what?"

"It's easy. Use the directional pad to move, button A to jump, button B to attack, button to open treasure chests, press A and B together for a special attack, d to hide,Y for-"

"You're going too fast!" protested Lois. "You know what? I'll see what can I do by myself."

Meanwhile, back at Jillian's...

"So, thanks a lot for doing this again, Meg," said Jillian. "Do you want some lemonade?"

Jillian was going to grab the lemonade pitcher, but she drops it and crashes against the floor, shattering in lots of glass shards.

"Oh, boy, look at this mess!" said Jillian. "Now those lemons died for nothing! Well, I better get the hand vacuum..."

"It won't be necessary," said Meg. Meg then waved her hand, which glowed pink, and the pitcher was magically rebuilt from the glass shards. Even the lemonade was put back.

"Wow, that was so amazing!" said Jillian in awe. "If only I could do that..."

"You know...if you want, I can't teach you magic," said Meg.

"Really?" asked Jillian, with her eyes wide open. "That would be so great!"

"But you have to promise me that you'll make a responsible use of magic, okay?" asked Meg.

"Okay, no irresponsibility," said Jillian.

And, during the next weeks, Meg would teach Jillian the basics of magic as well as how to be a good mother. Meanwhile, Lois and Rosie kept playing together Destruction and Death III.

"This is really addictive!" said Lois, enjoying the game. "No wonder why so many kids doesn't do anything but play!"

"Look grandma! That's the key for a bonus level!" said Rosie.

"Got it!" shouted Lois triumphant. "Now we'll get the last golden acorn! By the way, what do we get when we get all the golden acorns?"

"We can unlock a secret stage and the best ending!" said Rosie.

They kept playing until they ended the current stage. Rosie then saved and switched off the video game.

"Hey, why did you do that?" asked Lois. "We didn't finish yet!"

"Grandma, I love video games, but we've been playing for hours. My eyes hurt. Besides, I want to play with Stewie in the backyard," said Rosie.

"But I want to keep playing!" protested Lois.

"Then you can start a new game in single player mode," said Rosie.

"Okay then," said Lois. "Boy, this is better than that time I hanged out with Albert Wesker."

**Flashback**

A young Lois is lying nude on a bed, covered only by the sheets.

"Come on, Albert, come here and have some fun," said Lois in a very seductive tone.

"Seven minutes. Seven minutes it's all I can spare to play with you," said Wesker totally serious as he began to undress.

"Well, at least you'll last longer than my last boyfriend," said Lois with a shrug.

**End Flashback**

Meanwhile, back at Jillian's apparment, she and Meg are still praticing magic.

"Okay Jillian, show me what you've learned," said Meg.

Jillian cast her hands forward, and glowed with a golden shine. She levitated a bunch of items, and placed them in the floor softly.

"Good one Jillian! You didn't break anything this time!" congratulated Meg.

"Yay! I'm a slow learner!" cheered Jillian.

Suddenly, one of the items that Jillian had levitated cracked for no apparent reason.

"Okay, that was weird..." said Meg. "But now you have a way to keep your house tidy with little effort."

"Hey Meg...thanks a lot for doing this," said Jillian softly.

"Oh, it's alright, really," replied Meg.

"Well, to me, this is important," said Jillian. "When they told me that I could lose my kids forever, I felt the world falling apart. I also felt...alone. And then you came to help me and gave me this awesome magic powers! Oh, and to become a better mom too. Now I'm more prepared to pass tomorrow's inspection. That's why I will always be deeply thankful to you."

"Well, I also liked spending time with you. You're really a nice person. I wish all my friends were like you," replied Meg.

"Hey, we have some time before Natalie arrives with the kids. Wanna do something, like, having a coffee?"

"Sure! Let's go!"

Meanwhile, back at the Griffin home, Lois is still playing with the video game like there's no tomorrow.

"Hey, Lois, why aren't you making dinner already? It's almost night!" complained Peter. However, Lois ignored him since she was totally absorbed in the game. "Hey, Lois, I'm talking to you! LOIS!"

Without even looking at him, Lois lifted her hand at Peter and fired a blue beam of energy at him that sent him flying against a wall. Matt and Brian walked in.

"Hey, what was that? We heard something crashing against the wall!" said Matt.

"It's Lois," said Peter. "She won't stop playing that video game."

"I never imagined that Lois could become addicted to videogames," said Brian. "This looks bad."

"Anyway, what are we going to do?" asked Peter.

"I have an idea," said Matt. "It requires intense psychology, planning and flawless teamwork. NOW DOGPILE ON HER!"

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?" yelled Lois, who was unable to move.

"Brian, switch that console off!" said Matt, trying to hold Lois. Brian did so.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!I DIDN'T SAVE YET!" yelled Lois. "You can't do this to me! You can't! YOU CAN'T!"

"Lois, snap out of it! Don't you seed how that goddamed game changed you?" said Matt. "You don't do anything but play!"

"Oh my God, you're right! I've became one of the very same thing I hate and love to criticize!" said Lois. "It happened so quickly I didn't even realize. Just like like Peter never seems to realize that he doesn't have powers."

**Flashback**

Peter is driving through Quahog, and he's pulled by a cop.

"Mister, you went over the speed limit. I'm afraid that I'll have to fine you," said the cop, pulling a pen and a bloc of fines.

"You're not going to fine me," said Peter waving his hand like he was a Jedi.

"Um, yes, I am," said the cop.

"You're not going to fine me," said Peter again.

"Here you have. Have a nice day," said the cop, giving Peter the fine..

"What? 300$? There's no way I'm going to pay this!" said Peter in anger after reading the fine.

"You're going to pay the fine," said the cop waving his hand.

"I'm going to pay the fine," said Peter in a monotonous voice while he pulled some money from his wallet.

**End Flashback**

"Don't worry Lois. This kind of things tend to happen," said Brian.

"Yeah, it could happen to anybody. Right Peter?" but Matt got no answer. "Peter?"

"Shhhhh!" shushed Peter, who was playing with the videogame. "I'm about to finish this level!"

Lois, Brian and Matt stare at each other, and left the living room.

The next day, the family was watching Tv as usual when Jillian rushed into the house, excited.

"Guys! Guys! You're not going to believe it!" said Jillian. Everybody turned at her.

"Did you...?" was going to ask Brian, not daring to finish the question.

"They're going to make a Kim Kardashian movie!" said Jillian.

"Ohhh..." said everybody in unison, and went back to watch TV.

"And I also past the inspection! I'll keep Kyle and Maya!" said Jillian.

"Jillian, that's wonderful!" said Lois.

"And how was the inspection?" asked Matt.

"Okay, let's see..."

**Flashback**

_I knew that the inspection was today, so I was cleaning myself in order to be smartly presented, when somebody knocked the door. I went to open, and it was the inspector!_

"Hello, are you Jillian-Oh my God..." said the inspector upon seeing Jillian, completely wet, wrapped in a towel.

"No, I'm Jillian Russel, not Jillian Oh-My-God," clarified Jillian. "Are you the inspector from Social Services."

"Y-yeah," said the inspector, who couldn't help but stare at Jillian's body.

_I was afraid, since I wasn't ready yet._

"I'm sorry for this, I thought you would come later," said Jillian. "Please, I'm a good mother, you can't take my kids from me! I'm sure that you're a nice guy and see that I can take care of them."

"S-sure, you're a great mother..." babbled the inspector.

"Really? Then I'm going to pass the inspection?" asked Jillian hopefully.

"O-Of course, here you have," said the inspector, drooling, who gave her a document that proved her as a competent mother.

"That's great! Thank you, mister inspector guy!" said Jillian, cheerful, and hugged him. "Wait, my hair is still wet."

Jillian then took the towel off to dry her hair. The inspector fainted.

_The guy should be sick or something, since he fainted there, despite he looked healthy. I called an ambulance, and told the kids the good news._

**End Flashback**

"Uhhh...that was nice," said Lois.

"And now that I have this," said Jillian, showing the document. "They'll never take Kyle and Maya away from me!"

"We're so happy for you," said Meg.

"I'm so happy for me too!" said Jillian. "In fact, I'm going to throw a party for my kids at home to celebrate the good news. You can bring Stewie and Rosie."

Rosie then walked in. "Hey, did somebody see Stewie recently? It''s like he vanished from Earth!"

"Peter took him to Chuckie's Cheese," said Lois. "You didn't forget him this time, did you?"

"Oh, crap!" said Peter before rushing to the car.

Meanwhile, at Chuckie's Cheese, Stewie was again in the ball pit, with the man that lived there.

"So, what do you do here to kill boredom?" asked Stewie.

**End Chapter**

**Mini Fanmail**

"Now that the chapter is over, it's time to answer the questions from our loyal fans," Meg announced. "Let's start with this one from Aldovas."

_Aldovas asks:__Brian, aren't you afraid that your daughter Maya becomes like Jillian? _

"No, I'm not," Brian replied.

"Really?" asked Rosie. "Why?"

"Because she's ALREADY like Jillian," said Brian dryly.

"Dad, what time is it?" asked Maya.

"3:30 pm," Brian answered.

"You know, whenever I ask that question, I always get different answers!" said Maya, confused.

"Yeah, me too!" said Jillian. "I wonder why..."

"See?"

"It could have been worse," said Peter.

"Really? How?"

"She could become like you," said Peter.

"...ouch."

"Let's go to our next question, from CMRosa," said Meg.

_CMRosa asks:_

_Bruce: I was wondering how successful lawyer are you, are you rich? _

"No, I'm not rich, but I'm a really good lawyer," said Bruce.

"Yeah, he got us 50.000$ from that defective diaphragm!" said Matt.

_Meg: can you use your magic to make Connie DiMico hair fall out or fall in love with Neil Goldman? _

"Guess that I can," said Meg. "I need to write that down before I forget it. I'll try to do that before the story ends."

"Here is another question from Hotstreak," said Rosie.

_Hotstreak asks: Lois,are aware that Stewie is an evil genius that want kill you and take over the world?_

"What? Oh come on, that's stupid," said Lois, brushing off the question. "Sorry, I need to go to the bathroom."

After Lois leaves the room, an axe falls where she was sat, cutting the couch in half..

"Damn!" yelled Stewie. "How kill that bitch can be so hard?"

"Here we have another question from Loessar, and it's for Brian," said Matt.

_Loessar asks: Brian, if you could choose any career, what would it be? _

"Guess that journalism," said Brian. "I enjoyed working for the New Yorker. It was a job that stimulated my mind."

"And this is our last question from Rocket6923, for Peter," said Meg.

_Rocket6923 asks: Are you mad at Matt for thinking that Lois is hot like you were with me? _

"Of course not. Matt is already married to Meg, so he's technically part of the family, so when he thinks that Lois is attractive it's like he's being attracted to a relative, and it's funny! Hehehehehe!" laughed Peter, while Matt rolled his eyes.

"And here ends the mini fanmail," said Meg. "Thanks for reading and don't forget to review! See you next chapter!"

**End of Mini Fanmail**


	48. Road to the Future

**Chapter 48: Road to the Future**

**Credit goes to CMRosa, who asked for a chapter like this. maybe this isn't was she nwas thinking of, but hope everybody likes it nevertheless-.  
**

Somewhere in a dark alley of Spooner Street a portal opens. Out of it leaps a woman in a black catsuit that covers her whole body. Her face is hidden behind a mask and goggles. She has two rayguns buckled to her utility belt and two sais on her back.

She checked her PDA, revealing a map of Quahog, and two red beeping dots.

Meanwhile, in the Griffin home, Stewie and Rosie are playing in the garden. Stewie was about to test one of his inventions, a device the size of a big TV, with lots of levers and beeping buttons.

"So, what exactly does this...thing do?" asked Rosie.

"This, my dear niece, is a Time Controller," said Stewie. "It can stop, rewind and fast forward time! Just imagine all the things I could do!"

"Like what?" asked Rosie. Stewie thought for a moment.

"I haven't think in anything yet, but hey, it's time control! I'm sure I'll find some use for it," said Stewie. "God, I'm more excited than the Fatman the time he beat Ash Ketchum."

**Flashback**

Peter is about to fight Ash in a pokemon fight.

"Come on Pikachu, let's go!" said Ash, sending his trademark pokemon to fight.

"Oh, you have six pokemon and you choose pikachu, how predictable," mocked Peter. "But here I have something that your yellow rat won't be able to defeat!"

"A ground-type pokemon?" asked Ash.

"Even better! Go, Van Damme!" shouted Peter while he tossed a pokeball, and Jean Claude Van Damme came from it.

"Hey, that's not a pokemon, just a bad actor!" complained Ash.

"Let's shut him up already! Come on Van Damme, use Jump Kick!"

Van Damme rondhoused pikachu, and sent it right to Ash's face, knocking them down.

"Who's the best pokemon master? Not you, that's for sure!" laughed Peter.

**End Flashback**

He then pushed some buttons and pulled some levers, expecting something to happen. However, the machine explodes, sending both toddlers backwards.

"What the hell happened?" asked Stewie, standing up.

"Your machine exploded. I thought that it was pretty obvious," replied Rosie, shaking dirt from her dress.

"I know that it exploded, you sea cow offspring! I mean WHY!" said Stewie.

Suddenly, Rosie tackled Stewie to the ground just before being blasted by a laser beam.

"Maybe that guy has something to do with it," said Rosie pointing to the woman in a catsuit, hidden behind a bush, raygun in hand.

"Hey, you!" said Stewie.

The woman was about to shot again, but Rosie used her telekinesis to disarm her. The mysterious woman pulled another raygun, but Stewie pulled his quicker and shot it out of her hand. Disarmed, the woman ran away.

"Oh no, nobody tries to kill Stewie Gilligan Griffin and gets away with it!" said Stewie.

"Wait, are you going after her?" asked Rosie.

"No, I'm running away crying to Lois," said Stewie sarcastically. "Of course I'm going after her!"

He then got on his trickey and chased her. Rosie summoned her broomstick and joined the chase.

The catsuit woman then hopped on a motorbike and rushed away, leaving a trail of smoke behind.

"Stewie!" yelled Rosie from above. "She's heading downtown Quahog! What are we going to do?"

"Just wait and see," said Stewie while grinning. He pushed a button on his tricycle, and two huge propellers popped at its sides, allowing it to reach impossible speeds. He resumed the chase, followed by Rosie. When he saw the catsuit woman again, he pulled out a sniper rifle and shot at the motorbike. The woman lost balance and fell off of the motorbike. She ran away and entered in an alley.

"Ha! That bitch's cornered," said Stewie in delight.

They found the woman checking something that appeared to be a PDA. Stewie was aiming at her with his raygun.

"It's a dead end, bitch!" said Stewie.

"...do you have to end all your lines with 'bitch'?" asked Rosie, getting down from her broomstick.

"Yes. It makes me look more badass," said Stewie. "Although there's a general misconception between being truly badass and being just a foulmouthed uncouth. But in this case, it makes me look more badass."

While Stewie was rambling, the catsuit woman used her PDA to open a dimensional portal, and jumped into it.

"Damn, I forgot about that woman! Come on, let's go!" said Stewie, who was about to walk into the portal.

"Wait! We don't know what's in the other side of that gate," said Rosie. "It could be something dangerous."

"Or it could be the universe in which your beloved half sister Maddie lives," said Stewie slyly.

"Really? Then what are we waiting for? Let's go!" said Rosie eagerly.

They crossed the portal as it closed. Much to their disappointment, they found themselves to be in the same dark alley.

"What the hell? We just ended in the same place!" complained Stewie.

Indeed, they were in downtown Quahog. However, they noticed that it wasn't the same Quahog where they lived due to some details.

"Hey, Stewie, look at the cars," said Rosie. "Have you ever seen those kind of cars before?"

"Now that you say it, no," said Stewie. "Besides, everything looks a bit different before we crossed that portal. Maybe we're in another dimension."

"So, somebody from another dimension wants to kill you? I can't believe that you have enemies even outside our own dimension. It's almost unreal," commented Rosie.

"Well, _you _ have enemies who lived six hundred years ago," Stewie replied.

"Touché," said Rosie.

"Come on, we have to find a clue of where are we," Stewie said. "And maybe find some newsstand. I want to check if they have a Washington Post here."

The two toddlers walked down the street, paying attention to their surrounding. This version of Quahog was indeed different, yet it looked somehow familiar. They passed in front of a newspaper dispenser. Rosie took a look at the newspaper, and shocked, realized about where they were.

"Stewie! You have to see this!" said Rosie, almost dragging her uncle to see the newspaper.

"Apple and Microsoft just merged," Stewie read the headline. "Yup, this is indeed a weird world."

"Not that! Look at the date!"

The month and the day of the date matched the current day, not so the year. It was fifteen years from the present time.

"We traveled to the future!" said Rosie. "That assassin traveled from the future to our time to kill you! Probably to prevent some sort of future event triggered by you."

"Just like The Terminator," said Stewie. "Boy, that's more cliché than people dying when the lights goes off."

**Cutaway**

Some random wealthy people is having dinner inside a very luxurious manor. Suddenly, the lights go out, and when they come back, one of the guests is dead.

"Oh my God! There's a killer in the house!" screamed a woman.

"You know, it really takes some skill to kill somebody so fast in the dark," said a man. "Let me try."

The man switches off the lights, then switches them on again, and another guest was dead.

"Let me try again," after switching off and on the lights, another guest appeared dead.

"Could yous top doing that?" asked the woman, annoyed.

"Not until your mother is dead," said the man, switching off the lights again.

**End Cutaway**

"So, what are we going to do?" asked Rosie. "We're trapped in the future! We need to find a way to go back to our own time!"

"Oh, don't worry, my dear niece, I have an idea," said Stewie, smiling confidently.

"Really? What?"

"Just wait and see," said Stewie.

**30 minutes later...**

Stewie and Rosie are in the same street as before.

"So, which is your idea?" asked Rosie, annoyed. "We've been standing here for half an hour doing nothing!"

"Oh, sorry, I thought that we'll already be in the place I was thinking in. It always work on TV," said Stewie with a shrug. "Come on, follow me."

Some moments later, the two kids arrive at the James Woods High School.

"What are we doing here?" asked Rosie.

"Remember this is fifty years in the future, so it would mean that our future selves are 16, and therefor they'll be attending high school," said Stewie.

"And why do you want to want to see your future self? Are you curious about how your life will be?" asked Rosie.

"Now that you say it, yes. I wonder what kind of guy I will be," said Stewie. "But our future selves probably traveled to the future when they were us, so we only have to ask them what they did to go back to the present time."

"Hey, that's a great idea!" praised Rosie.

"Of course it is. I am exceptionally intelligent, so I can find a solution to practically everything," said Stewie.

"Have you find out why Seltzer and Friedberg keep making movies?" asked Rosie.

"Not yet," Stewie admitted. "Come on, let's go in."

They entered in the school, but, to their surprise, it was empty.

"Hey, where's everybody?" asked Rosie. "This place should be full of teen stereotypes!"

"That's because they'll be at class," said Stewie. "This is not like those movies or TV shows in which they spend the day at the hallway talking or doing drugs in the bathroom. We'll have to wait until the classes are over."

"Hey, what are you kids doing here?" asked a familiar voice behind them. They turned around to see a white anthropomorphic dog holding a broom and wearing a dark blue jumpsuit with the word JANITOR on its back. "I think that you're too young for this school."

"Brian? It's that you?" asked Rosie, coming close to him.

"Yes. How do you know my name? Did we met before?" asked Brian, intrigued.

"Oh, please, don't tell me that you forgot about us, you flea-ridden useless excuse of a dog!" said Stewie.

"Wait...Stewie? Rosie?" said Brian in realization. "You're toddlers! Did some spell backfired on you?"

"No, but good guess," said Rosie. "We're the Stewie and Rosie from fifteen years ago. Somebody tried to kill us, and we followed her to this time. Now we were going to ask our teen selves what they did when they were us."

"Well, I hope that you find that killer," said Brian.

"By the way, how did you end working as the janitor of this school?" asked Rosie.

"Well...it was after Jillian and I got married and moved to downtown Quahog with our kids. Do you know them?" both Stewie and Rosie nodded. "I started my own business, an editorial, but it crashed in two months. Jillian then was offered a job as a dance teacher at the Quahog Community Center. Shortly after I accepted a job as the school's janitor, so I could provide my family with some money. We also sold Jillian's apartment and bought Cleveland old house for a really low price. I didn't take too long to realize why was so cheap."

**Flashback**

Peter is in the front lawn with a huge firecrack.

"Happy July 4th!" said Peter, lighting the firecracker.

The firecracker takes off and predictably flied at Cleveland's (now Brian's) house. However, an invisible protective shield blocked the projectile, sending it back at Peter's house, tearing it apart. Chris was taking a bath.

"No, no, nononononono!" said Chris as the tub slide off, falling to the ground. The bathtub shattered into pieces.

**End Flashback**

"Thanks god I asked Jillian to put a shield around the house," said Brian.

"Hey, I just realized of something," said Rosie. "Since you're a dog, shouldn't you be dead by now?"

"Your mom also gave me a potion that makes me age at human rate, so I'll live a long live," said Brian happily. "Well, at least I'll be happy as long as I find a better job."

"Oh, boy, you really fell low, didn't you, dog?" mocked Stewie. "Look at me, I'm very intelligent and sophisticated. I studied at Brown, and was sure that I'd be a bestselling novelist. But instead I ended cleaning halls," said Stewie making a bad impression of Brian. "And you know what's the most ironic part, dog? That this is the _best_ you've done with your life. How does it feel to be such a loser?"

"Oh, why don't you tell me?" asked Brian, looking at a large group of teens coming out of the class. One of them was a teenage Stewie.

Teen Stewie started to store some books in his locker, when he was approached by a group of boys. One of them also had a football shaped head, and red hair.

"Hey, that's Bertram!" said Rosie.

"I think that everybody already came up to that conclusion, captain obvious," said Stewie.

"Anyway, just see what the future has ins tore for you," said Brian.

Bertram pushed Stewie, which banged his head against the locker as a result. Bertram and his posse laughed at him.

"Oh, sorry Stewart. The boys wanted to know how hard is your head, so I made this little experiment," said Bertram between laughs.

"Why don't you leave me alone, jerk?" asked teen Stewie, rubbing his forehead.

"Well, I could...but I don't feel like doing so," said Bertram. "Now give me your lunch money!"

"You already stole my lunch money!" complained teen Stewie.

"Well, guess that then we'll have to stole you something else," said Bertram, snatching Stewie's backpack from him. "This will work!"

"Give me back that!" said Stewie, trying to grab his backpack, but he was pushed against the locker again by one of Bertram's cronies.

"Give him back the backpack, jerk!" said a female voice.

Three girls approached them. One was a redhead with a bob haircut dressed in gothic clothes. The second was a brunette with her hair styled in a ponytail, wearing a blue top and a white skirt. The last girl was a blonde dressed as a cheerleader.

"Oh, look, three girls come to protect Stewart! I'm sooooooo scared!" Bertram mocked.

"Come on Bertram, leave him alone," said the redhead.

"So what if I don't?" Bertram challenged.

"Did you forget that Maya is the head cheerleader?" said the brunette. "That means that she outranks the principal, and can make your lives a living hell."

"Maya?" asked Rosie. "Then that means that the other two girls must be aunt Sophie and me!"

"Boy, look at those clothes. You're a complete freak," said Stewie.

"At least I'm not a pushover," said Rosie.

"...you win this round, sea cow offspring," muttered Stewie bitterly.

"Stewie, how long are you going to let that bully to do whatever he wants?" asked Teen Rosie.

"Yeah, you have to defend yourself," added Maya. "Contrary to the popular belief, the power of a cheerleader is limited."

"Well, you know me. I'm not a violent person," said teen Stewie with a shrug.

"WHAT!" asked baby Stewie. "Not a violent person! Just what the hell happened to me!"

"Yeah, you used to be a hell raised when you were younger," said teen Rosie. "But you changed after you and Sophie became a couple."

"They say that you can change your loved ones. Well, I could!" said Sophie. "Don't you think so, sweetheart?" said Sophie, kissing Stewie.

"Yes, honey," said Stewie.

"Well, there have your answer," said Brian flatly.

"I knew that harlot couldn't be a good influence!" said Stewie. "But now that I know this, I can prevent it, right?"

"Kid, you'll fight against an enemy that can't be defeated: your hormones.," said Brian.

"Oh man, this sucks more than that time they didn't have Coke and I have to take a Pepsi."

**Flashback**

Stewie is in a bar.

"What do you want?" asked a waitress.

"Coca Cola, please," said Stewie.

"Sorry, but we don't have Coke. We only have Pepsi," said the waitress.

"Then give me a Pepsi," said Stewie. "I usually drink Coke but guess that nothing's going to happen if I drink a Pepsi."

Suddenly, an elephant crashed through the ceiling, crushing Stewie.

(This Flashback was sponsored by Coca Cola.)

**End Flashback**

"What? Now even flashbacks are sponsored?" asked Rosie.

"Ander needed some money. Anyway, I'm going somewhere else. The kids still think that I took this job to spy on them," and Brian left.

"Stu and I are going to the mall. Wanna join us?" asked Sophie.

"Sure! You know that I love going to the mall!" said Maya with enthusiasm. "I'll tell Kyle too. After working so much on the school paper, he'll want to relax."

"What about you, Rosie?" asked Sophie.

"I'll go later. I still have to do some math homework," said Rosie.

Stewie and Rosie (the babies) decided that they already waited enough and walked to their teen counterparts in order to find some answers.

"Hey, you!" said Stewie.

"Oh,. Look, two babies slipped here!" said Sophie, holding Stewie. "Oh, it's sooooooo cute!"

"Hey, this one even looks like you, Rosie," said Maya, holding Rosie, taking a good look at here.

"And this one looks a lot like Stewie," said teen Rosie.

"That's because we're Stewie and Rosie! Now release me, you vile female corrupter!" Stewie demanded.

"What?" asked Maya.

"I think that they're saying the truth," said teen Rosie. "I feel a magical essence inside this girl which is almost identical to mine, only weaker."

"And you!" said Stewie, turning at his future self. "How the hell can you let anybody to mess up with you like that?"

"Come again?" asked teen Stewie. "Nevermind, what are you doing here? Did you messed with the time machine again?"

"Not exactly," said Rosie. "We were attacked from a mysterious woman who wanted to kill us. She was from this era. I believe that she was sent to kill us to prevent certain event triggered by us."

"Just like in Terminator," said Sophie. Stewie rolled his eyes.

"And why did you come here?" asked Maya.

"We thought that our future selves probably lived this, so we were going to ask them what they did to find the assassin and return home," said Stewie.

"Hey, now that you mention it...I remember traveling to the future once..." said Stewie, trying to remember.

"Yeah, me too," said Rosie.

"And hows that you never invited us to your time travel trips?" asked Maya, annoyed. "I thought we were friends!"

"And I'm your girlfriend!" said Sophie.

"Can you stupid and noisy girls stop babbling?" yelled Stewie. He then turned at teen Stewie and Rosie. "You have to tell us what did you do."

"Sorry, but I'm afraid that I forgot about that," said teen Rosie.

"Same here," said teen Stewie with a shrug.

"What? You don't remember anything?" complained Rosie.

"How can you have such an awful memory?" asked Stewie, equally outraged.

"Hey, we were babies okay? We barely remember anything from that age," said teen Stewie, arms crossed.

"And what the hell are we going to do?" asked Rosie, raising her arms in frustration. "We will be trapped here forever!"

"Hey, calm down!" teen Rosie said. "Listen, we'll help you to find that assassin and return to your time, okay? If you want, you can stay at my house for the time being."

"Guess that we don't have anymore options," Stewie was forced to admit.

"So...does that mean that we aren't going to the mall?" Maya asked, while everybody just stared at her blankly.

Moments later, Ten Rosie took baby Rosie and Stewie to their house...who just happened to be Quagmire's house.

"Hey...this is Mr. Quagmire's house..." said Rosie.

"Yeah, we-" was about to say teen Rosie.

"Oh my God! He lets you live with you in exchange of favors! And by favors, I mean of the sexual kind. You know, instead of money, you pay him with sex and-" said Stewie.

"Will you shut up!" asked teen Rosie, irritated. "This is Quagmire's house, but he doesn't live here anymore. We bought his house eight years ago. Okay, it seems that nobody's at home. Come on, but you can't be seen. Mom and dad will be home soon."

They entered in the new Kennedy residence.

"So, how is that we finally moved from the old house? I thought that we'll always live there," said baby Rosie.

"Me too, but we have to move after mom became pregnant," said teen Rosie.

"Pregnant? I have a sibling?" asked Rosie, her eyes glowing with emotion.

"Three, actually," said teen Rosie. "And trust me, you'll miss being a single child."

"Well, Stewie was like a brother to me, so I never felt like a single child," said baby Rosie.

"Now I wish I was a single child," muttered Stewie.

"Tell us about everybody! What about mom and dad? And grandma and grandpa? And uncle Chris?" asked baby Rosie.

, "Mom's the head anchorwoman for the channel 5 news, and dad's a SWAT member," teen Rosie began. "grandpa Peter lost his job after alcohol was banned seven years ago but it was re-legalized one year later. He now sells buttscratchers."

Stewie and Rosie stared expectantly as if they were expecting something.

"What are you doing?" asked teen Rosie.

"Oh, its that it looked that there was a cutaway now," said Stewie.

"Do you think that grandpa yelling buttscratcher all the time deserves its own cutaway?" asked teen Rosie, arms crossed. "Because I don't think so."

"What about the others?" asked baby Rosie.

"Grandma Lois still has her cake shop along with grandma Lana, and Chris and Zoe moved to Providence after finishing college."

"Wow, the fat boy finished college? The fact that they admitted him is already shocking," said Stewie.

"Well, the standards dropped a lot over the years to the point that now anybody can attend college," said teen Rosie.

**Cutaway**

Inside an university, a dean is checking the profile of somebody who wants enter.

"So mister...Opie. You want to study Thermonuclear Physics as this fine institution. Which are your references?" asked the dean.

Opie just babbles while shaking his arms violently.

"Admitted!" said the dean.

**End Cutaway**

"Anyway, he and Zoe wanted to work for Nickelodeon, but ended working for Disney Channel instead."

"Eeeeeeeeew!" said Stewie and Rosie in unison while shivering.

"Yes. Poor uncle Chris has never been the same after that."

**(A/N: No offense to anybody who likes Disney Channel. I myself admit that they have some pretty good stuff like _Phineas and Ferb_ and...um...anyway, back to the story.)**

Suddenly, somebody opened the door.

"Crap! That has to be either mom or dad!" said teen Rosie. Her eyes glowed blue as she waved her hands at the two toddlers. "Invisibility!"

Stewie and Rosie turned invisible. The door then opened to reveal Matt. He was now much more bulkier than before, and a full beard covered her face.

"Hello daddy!" said teen Rosie, hugging her dad, and kissing him in the cheek.

"Hello squirt," said Matt, hugging her daughter back. "How was your day at school?"

"Oh, great, great," said Rosie. "What about you?"

"We raided an illegal laboratory. They tried to clone Tom Cruise," said Matt.

"Monsters! Like there wasn't enough with one!" said teen Rosie in disgust.

Another person opened the door. It was a woman.

"Oh, hello mom!" said Rosie, hugging and kissing her mom as well. "You're at home early."

"Hello sweetie," said Meg. "Yeah, today we finished soon."

"Wow! That's Meg?" asked Stewie incredulous.

Meg was no longer the short and dumpy girl she used to be, but an attractive and curvy woman., as tall as Lois. She was wearing a pink shirt that exposed her midriff, a blue skirt that came down to her knees and white boots.

"Matthew, I see that you're home early too," said Meg.

Matt then pushed Meg towards him. "Bring here that hot body I love so much!" he said before kissing Meg in the lips. "I can't believe that you have such a gorgeous figure after giving birth to four children."

"Ummmm...I'm going upstairs. I have some homework to do," said teen Rosie, teleporting herself and the two toddlers to her room. Upon teleporting, Stewie and baby Rosie were no longer invisible.

Teen Rosie's room was almost the same size as Meg's old room. There was a bed, a desk and some bookshelves. The room was decorated with posters of goth rock and heavy metal groups.

"Nobody will bother us here," said teen Rosie. "Now tell me from the beginning all what happened, and don't omit any detail."

Unbeknown to the two toddlers and the goth teenager, there was somebody spying on them. Yuip, is the woman in a catsuit. She activated her communicator on her wrist.

"Master, I have news," said the woman.

"Speak," replied her master.

"Stewie and Rosie from fifteen years ago are here," the woman said.

"They must have followed you through the time portal," deduced her boss. "Although this may be a golden chance to get rid of them forever. Execute Plan S."

"As you command, my master," said the woman, switching off her communicator.

Some hours later, back at teen Rosie's room, they have been discussing about who could be `behind the murder attempt, but they didn't reach to any conclusion.

"I think that this is useless. We made a lot of enemies over the years. It could be virtually everyone,1 said teen Rosie.

"Not everyone," said Stewie. "Who ever did this has the technology and knowledge to build a time machine and not use it to earn obscene amounts of money. There's only two people in this world that match that description: me, and my half brother Bertram!"

That moment, Rosie's computer beeped.

"Hey, I have an email," said teen Rosie, checking the message. "Oh no!"

"What?" asked baby Rosie, thrilled.

"They outbid me on Ebay! Damn, I wanted those nunchakus so bad..." said teen Rosie, frustrated. The computer beeped again. "Hey, another mail...oh no!"

"What?" asked Stewie. "And please tell us that it has to do with the plot!"

"_Dear Rosie, open the image attached to this message,_" teen Rosie read. She opened the image: it was teen Stewie bound and gagged. Rosie continued reading.

_As you can see, I have Stewart. If you ever want to see him alive again, bring the two babies with you to the abandoned warehouse in east Quahog._

_PS: I also attached a video of a cat playing bass. I think it's very funny. Tell me what do you think._

"Oh no! That bastard kidnapped my pansy future self! This offense won't go unpunushed!" said Stewie, deeply angered.

"Stewie, calm down and think," baby Rosie said. "If we go, he will kill us and our future selves will vanish."

"I'm with Stewie on this one. We should go," said teen Rosie.

"Hey, you're supposed to agree with me!" said baby Rosie. "You're me, remember?"

"Listen, I've been through this lots of times: some bad guy kidnaps a family member, demands me or my family to meet him or her a some abandoned place, a fight ensues and we win. This time won't be different," said teen Rosie with a shrug.

Moments later, Stewie, baby Rosie and teen Rosie arrive at the abandoned warehouse.

"Hello? Anybody at home?" asked teen Rosie.

"Hey, what's that?" asked baby Rosie. It was a boy tied to a chair and gagged.

"Hey, that's me!" said Stewie. "Come on, we have to save him!" Stewie rushed at his future self.

"Stewie, wait! It can be-" said teen Rosie as she and baby Rosie run after him.

Suddenly, a cage fell from the roof, trapping the teen and the two toddlers.

"...a trap," teen Rosie finished.

"HAHAHAHAHAHA!" a voice laughed from the shadows. "You fell in my trap like little mice!"

"Show yourself, you coward!" said Stewie.

A figure stepped from the shadows. It was teen Bertram, followed by her female assassin.

"Bertram! So it was you after all!" said baby Rosie. "No, wait, we already knew that..."

"What do you want?" asked teen Rosie.

"Your demise, of course," Bertram said. "And do you want to know why?"

"No, not actually," said baby Rosie.

"Well, you're going to listen why!" said Bertram. "Six years after my defeat at the park, I was able to recruit a new army and take over the world. However, I was defeated once again by you and your insidious girlfriend with magic powers."

"I'm not his girlfriend!" said both Rosies in unison.

"Shut up! I don't care!" Bertram said.

"Besides, do you think that a simple cage can stop me? Now watch!" said teen Rosie, disappearing in a flash of light. However, she reappeared inside the cage.

"That cage is surroundede by powerful electromagnetic fields that can block magic. Now I'll continue monologuing" everybody goraned in frustration. "No matter how hard I tried, I always failed. I even tried to acuire some magic powers myself too, but I was unable to find any. The years passed, and I realized that, for my plans to succeed, you have to die first. That's why I enlisted this assassin and, after stealing the blueprints of your time machine, sent her to your time to kill you. That way, the timeline would be changed. You know, like in Back to the Future."

"And let me guess, your mysterious assassin is Connie D'Amico, right?" asked baby Rosie. "It couldn't be anymore obvious."

"Why don't you see it for yourself? Remove your mask," Bertram ordered to her assassin. The woman in the catsuit removed her mask to reveal to be Sophie.

"Sophie! How could you!" said teen Rosie, saddened. "Why did you join that freak?"

"Don't worry, she can't hear you. She only listen to my voice," saod Bertram. "Since she and Stewie started dating, I kidnapped her and installed a chip on her body. That way, I could see and hear all what she saw and heard, and thus I could spy on my nemesis. The chip also enabled me to control her mind and give her knowledge on martial arts and weapons."

"Like in the Matrix," said baby Rosie.

"What the hell is this? Are you playing 'let's see how many movies I can ripoff or what?'" asked teen Rosie.

"How you dare to mock my master plan? It doesn't matter, since you are going do die now! Said Bertram, pulling out a raygun.

However, the cage suddenly fell apart. Rosie used her telekinesis to snatch the raygun out of Bertram's hand.

"What? How could you...?"

"Yous aid that the cage was magicproof, but my laser cutter sliced those bars like butter," said baby Stewie.

"What? Oh you'll pay for this! Sophie, do something with them, something very violent!" Bertram commanded.

Sophie leaped in mid air with an impressive somersault and pulled two rayguns while in mid air and fire a salvo of laser shots at both Rosies and Stewie, which ran in different directions. Teen Rosie levitated several crates, and tossed them at Sophie. Stewie rushed to save his future self while Bertram fleed.

"Hey, you okay?" asked Stewie.

"Yes, but I think that those ropes irritated my wrists," said teen Stewie, rubbing his wrists.

"...better shut up before I kill you myself," said Stewie, deadpan. "Rosie, you and your gothic teen double deal with that bitch! I'll go after Bertram!"

"Alright!" said baby Rosie.

"Just be careful! Bertram's not a pushover!" said teen Rosie.

"Oh, he is," said Stewie.

"I heard that!" yelled Bertram.

"I think that I'll go into hiding..." said teen Stewie.

"Come here and face your fate, you defective copy!" said Stewie chasing Bertram.

Meanwhile, the two Rosies were dealing with the crazed, mind controlled Sophie. Sophie shot at them with her two rayguns, but baby Rosie erected a shield around them, while teen Rosie waved her and and disarmed her with telekinesis. Sophie used her jetpack on her back to fly above them and shot a blaze of fire with the small flamethrower mounted on her arm. The two Rosies teleported back, but Sophie caught them in no time. She pulled out her two sais and tried to stab teen Rosie with them, but the goth girl was also very agile and dodged the blows gracefully.

Baby Rosie telekinetically pushed Sophie back, while teen Rosie cast a blue beam of energy at her. Sophie regained balance in no time and dodged the energy beam. She then pulled out two grenades and threw them at the two redheads. The grenades exploded before they could stop it with magic.

"Damn, she may not have powers, but she's though as nails!" said baby Rosie. "We need to distract her, and try to break the mind control. I saw some strange device on the back of her neck. I think that's what's controlling her."

"That's a good idea. And knowing Sophie, I know the perfect diversion for her," teen Rosie said, and whispered something to her baby self.

Baby Rosie came out to Sophie's encounter. She was about to attack the toddler, but Rosie then said. "Hey look, a casting for a live action Winx Club movie!"

"WHERE!" asked Sophie, turning around.

Teen Rosie appeared behind her, and cast bolts of lightning at her. The mind controlling device overload due to the massive electricity, and collapsed. Sophie fell to the floor unconscious.

"Is she okay?" asked baby Rosie.

"Yes. She's simply stunned. Look, she's awakening," said teen Rosie.

"Hey, how is that nobody noticed that she had that on her neck?" asked baby Rosie. Teen Rosie simply shrugged.

There was a huge explosion, sending Stewie flying away from wherever he was. Teen Rosie was able to catch him with her telekinesis.

"Stewie, are you okay? What happened?" asked baby Rosie.

"Yes, but Bertram has a..."

Betram suddenly appeared flying above them. He was wearing a battle armor with jetpack, rocket launchers, many guns and laser.

"Prepare to meet your end, scum!" yelled Bertram.

"Sorry, but I plan to live a long life," said teen Rosie, casting lightning bolts at him.

Bertram's armor generated a shield that blocked the lightning.

"HAHAHAHAHA! Your pathetic magic can't harm me, bitch!" said Betram, gunning her down with a machine gun.

Baby Rosie levitated some more crates, and tossed them at Bertram, however he burned them with a laser cannon mounted on his shoulder. Sophie jumped at him and warpped her arms around his head, but Bertram easily broke from her grip and tossed her against a wall. Stewie attacked him with a rocket launcher, but Bertram stopped all the missiles with his own guns. Two cannons appeared on his forearms and started to fire missiles. Stewie, Rosie and teen Rosie hid behind a bunch of craters.

"Man, that armor makes him unstoppable! My magic is useless!" said teen Rosie.

"So are my weapons! Bertram really outdid himself with that armor!" said Stewie in despair.

"Don't panic, we still have a chance," said teen Stewie, coming out from his hideout.

"Oh, look who's coming to our rescue, we're saved!" said Stewie sarcastically.

"Bertram!" yelled teen Stewie.

"Oh Stewart, do you want to die first?" asked Bertram, charging all his weapons.

"Activate voice scan!" said teen Stewie.

"Voice scan activated. Stewie's voice recognized," said the armor.

"What? Oh, this doesn't look good..." groaned Bertram

"Complete shutdown!" said teen Stewie.

"The armor wll shut down in 3...2...1..." said the armor before shuting down. Bertram fell to the ground .

"Ugh! I can't move!" said Bertram, trying to struggled against the heavy armor.

"Stu, you saved us!" said teen Rosie.

"How did you do that?" asked baby Rosie.

"Easy. I made that armor," said teen Stewie. "It was my sixth grade science project. Bertram either copied it or stole it from me. However, he probably forgot to disable the voice scan."

"Wow..." said baby Stewie.

"So, what do you think about the guy you'll become?" asked teen Stewie.

"I'm certainly impressed," Stewie admitted.

"Stewie, you're my hero!" said Sophie, kissing Stewie in the lips.

"Awwwwwwwwwwwww..." both Rosies cooed in unison.

"Eeeeew..." said Stewie in disgust.

"How do you feel, sweetheart? Did that monster hurt you?" asked teen Stewie.

"Oh, no, I'm fine," said Sophie. "And thanks to him, I'm a skilled martial artist!"

"Hey, what about us?" asked Stewie. "We need to return to our time,"

"I still have the time portal," said Sophie, pulling out her PDA, and pressed some buttons. It projected a portal. "Cross it, and you'll be back home."

"Well, guess that this is a goodbye," said Rosie. "It was great to meet you."

"Same here," said teen Rosie.

"Take care," said teen Stewie.

"Come on, let's go," said Stewie as he and Rosie crossed the portal.

"We should go back home too," said teen Rosie.

"Or to the mall. After so much stress, I need to hit some shops," said Sophie.

"You know, I have the impression that we forgot about something," said Stewie as they abandoned the warehouse.

"I'm sure it's nothing," said Rosie.

Meanwhile, back at the warehouse...

"Hello?" asked Bertram, who was still inside the power armor. "Is anybody there? I'm still trapped here! I can't move and I have to go to the bathroom? Anybody?"

**End Chapter**

**Mini Fanmail**

"Welcome once again to the Spellbook's mini fanmail," Meg announced. "It's now time to read our fans' questions!"

"Today's first question is from Bluelikefirday, and it's for the author," said Rosie.

_Bluelikefriday asks: It has been said that Kyle has a crush on Rosie, will there be a chapter based on that? _

Probably. It's something many people seem to like, myself included.

"Here it is our next question, from Hotstreak," said Lois, opening a letter. "And it's for Meg."

_Hotstreak asks: with all the power you have,why don't you use them to make yourself more popular than Connie?_

"Because in the past months, I came to realize that there are more important things that what is your social status in high school," said Meg. "Besides, who wants popularity when I can do whatever I want with just a fingersnap?"

"You know what I'll do if I had magic powers?" asked Peter. "I'll make this story to focus just on me."

"Oh, Peter, let it go," said Lois, shaking her head.

"Okay, let's move to the next letter, from Aldovas, and it's for Stewie," said Matt.

_Aldovas asks: Stewie: Do you want to get magical powers or you prefer to use your 'genius' mind? _

"I prefer to use my inventions," replied Stewie. "I have a lot of fun building them, and the it's more satisfying to make others suffer with something you made your own hands, instead of using magic," said Stewie.

"Let's move to the next question," said Brian. "From 20pinkpigs, and it's for the author."

_20pinkpigs asks:how many more chapters do you plan to add to the story. _

I think that I already answered that, but anyway...I plan to write two or three more 'episodic' chapters like this one, followed by a four-parter finale, so that would make either six or seven.

"And here is our last question, from Nikix, and it's from Ander again," said Rosie.

_Nikix asks: when do you plan to start the sequel?_

Guess that some time after I finish this story. It will also depend on how many reviews the remaining chapters will get.

**End Mini Fanmail**

**Thanks a lot for reading, and don't forget to review! Reviews makes me happy and keeps me motivated to write!**


	49. Night of the Witches

**Chapter 49: Night of the Witches.**

**Author's note: Yes, I know that it's been a while, but here is a new Spellbook chapter. Before the chapter starts, i want to thank to everybody who realized that I have a live outside this website and waited patiently for me to update and didn't flood my inbox with messages asking me when I'm going to upload a new chapter. This chapter is dedicated to all of you. Enjoy.  
**

It was Halloween night in Quahog. Usually, kids would go trick or treating, and some adults would host wild Halloween parties at their houses (Quagmire was known as the best Halloween party host of Spooner Street), but this time, none of that happened. Why? Because Mayor Adam West had the brilliant idea of having a massive Halloween party for the whole town in the woods of the outskirts of Quahog, since he thought it was an scary place, and that's what Halloween is about. He blew up a good deal of the town's budget, but all Quahog citizens would remain blissfully ignorant to this.

Now, everybody was enjoying the woods, which was now heavily decorated with Halloween ornaments, and there were many tables with candies and rinks for everybody to enjoy (especially children).

"So, what do you think of my costume?" asked Rosie to Stewie, posing. She was wearing a platinum shirt and pants, platform shoes and a white wig.

"Who are you, some hag drenched in bleach?" Stewie asked mockingly. He was dressed as a zombie, with tattered clothes and scars on his skin.

"No, I'm Lady Gaga," said Rosie.

Lois and Meg walked to the talking children.

"This is your first Halloween, Rosie. How do you feel?" asked Meg sweetly.

"I'm even more excited than that time grandma met Beyoncé!" Rosie said, cheerful.

**Flashback**

Lois is walking down the street, and runs into some random tan skinned woman.

"Sorry, I wasn't looking and...oh my god!" Lois gushed upon realizing who that person was. "You're Beyoncé!"

"No, I'm Keri Hilson," Keri replied.

"No, you're Beyoncé," said Lois.

"No, I'm not!"

"Yes you are!"

"No, I'm not!"

"Yes you are!"

"No, I'm not!"

"Yes you are!"

"No, I'm not!"

"No, you're not,"

"Yes I am!" Keri said. Then she paused for a moment and said: "DAMMIT!"

**End Flashback**

"Well, she should. Halloween isn't known as 'The Night of Witches' for nothing," said another voice. They turned around to see Daphne, in her witch outfit. "Today is a very special night for us."

"Come on, I'm sure that there's no supernatural meaning behind Halloween, despite all what we saw and lived," Lois said, very sure of herself.

"How can you tell?" asked Meg.

"Come on! Something magical or supernatural happening on Halloween? That would be so cliché!"

Meanwhile, Peter was talking and drinking beer with his friends, as well as Brian. Peter was dressed as Superman, Cleveland as a space marine, Joe as Robocop and Quagmire as a british gentleman. Brian wasn't dressed at all, it simply had two fake fangs in his mouth.

"Hey Brian, what is your costume supposed to be? A vampire dog?" asked Joe.

"Yeah," Brian nodded halfheartedly. "I didn't feel like going for a more elaborated disguise."

"It shows," said Cleveland. "There are people who don't enjoy festivities like this one that much. I remember last 4th July that there was this guy who didn't had a flag in front of his house. When I asked him out on this, do you guys know what he told me? That it was a stupid celebration."

Everybody gasped. "He didn't!" Quagmire said, covering his mouth with his hands.

"Well, certain somebody really helped everybody to feel less patriotic and proud about this nation," Brian said.

Ignoring Brian's comment, Cleveland said: "I heard that, aside from the party, there's going to be some sort of contest. What do you think the price could be?"

"Money," Peter said.

"Money and porn," Quagmire said.

"Money, porn and maybe some guns," Joe said.

Everybody looked at Brian, waiting for his guess, but he simply rolled his eyes and said: "I...think that I saw Jillian and my kids over there," and he left.

Meanwhile, somebody walked to Meg and Lois. It was Matt, followed by his little sister Sophie. Matt was dressed as Guile from the Street Fighter games, and Sophie was dressed as a catgirl.

"Meow!" said Sophie as she glomped Stewie.

"Get your paws off of me, you wench!" Stewie shouted, pushing Sophie back.

"Matt!" said Meg happily, and rushed to hug him. "You finally came. And nice costume!"

"Thanks. This looks to be a big party. Everybody is here," Matt said, while looking around.

More people entered in the woods. This time it was Jillian with Kyle and Maya. Jillian was dressed as a bee, Kyle has his fur dyed in orange with black stripes so he looked like a tiger, and Maya was dressed as a princess.

"The Russells are here!" Kyle said proudly.

"Aw, look, all the family reunited for such a nice party. It isn't nice?" asked Lois.

"Wait, where's Chris?" asked Meg.

"Who?" asked Jillian.

"Oh, he preferred to stay home. He didn't want to come to the woods. Too scary for him," Lois said with a shrug.

"Well, all the important characters of this story are here, so who cares," Stewie fumed.

"Hey, Mayor is going to speak!" Peter shouted.

And yes, Mayor West, dressed as a vampire (a classic vampire, not a Twilight vampire, to make things clear), was on top of a base with a microphone on it.

"Ladies and gentlemen," the Mayor began. "Boys and girls of all ages, animals such as dogs or cats, but also wild animals who inhabit these woods like squirrels or owls...trees and other plants...rocks and dirt...water in the rivers and lakes, clouds, starts in the sky..."

Some of his aids whispered into his ear to get to the point.

"Point? What point? There isn't any point here...oh, you mean the contest!" the Mayor said in realization. He turned to the party guests once again. "Yes, I organized a Halloween themed contest with a very juicy price! But the price isn't important, the most important thing is to have fun! To have fun and win the price, that's it! Because there's no point in taking part in a contest if you don't want the price, and..."

He was once again interrupted by one of his aids.

"Okay, okay, the contest. You see, there's a legend from the colonial ages that, every Halloween, some mysterious man named Pumpkinhead Jack would emerge from the forest and kidnap people from Quahog to eat them alive. He wears a green outfit, and has a jack-o-lantern for a head, that's why he's called Pumpkinhead. Some said that he isn't a man, but a force of nature bent on killing mankind, others, that he's the ghost of somebody falsely accused and burned for witchcraft. I personally think that it's a bunch of squirrels posing as a human altogether, but it doesn't matter. Anyway, someday, one of the landowner's daughter mysteriously disappeared on Halloween, and it was thought to be Jack. The landowner bowed to hunt that monster and save his daughter. After that Halloween, nobody heard of that landowner nor Jack anymore. You see, we hid the false corpses of Jack and the landowner somewhere in the woods. The person or persons who find them, will take the price! Now go!"

Everybody scattered around the woods, in search of the prize, and to have fun. But for the prize mainly.

One of the groups formed were Peter and his three friends. The interned into the woods, and started to look for the corpses.

"Alright, if I was a corpse, were I would be hidden?" Quagmire pondered.

"If you were a corpse you wouldn't hide, because you'll be dead," Peter replied, and laughed. Quagmire rolled his eyes.

"Joe, you've dealt with murderers and seen a lot of corpses. Where it would be the best place to hide one?" Cleveland asked.

"Hmmm...I think that the best way would be to bury it," Joe pondered.

"Aw, don't tell me that we have to start digging through the whole woods! Boy that sucks more than that time I was hit by a car! " Peter complained.

**Flashback**

Peter is crossing the street, when he hears a car's horn blowing. Peter jumped forward and dodged the car before being run over.

"Oh, sorry!" said the driver, stepping out of his car. "I don't know why, but the breaks didn't work. Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine," said Peter. "Guess that I've been lucky."

Suddenly, Peter is hit by another car.

"WHOOOZAAAAAAA!" yelled the driver.

**End Flashback**

"Don't worry, there will be a patch of dirt were the corpses are hidden. We only need to look for that, get the bodies to the Mayor, and claim our prize!"

"Aaaaalright! Let's do it!" Quagmire said, looking closely to the ground.

Quagmire started to look with Cleveland, while Peter went with Joe. Little they knew that they were observed by a being in the woods.

"So Cleveland, I heard that you're finally divorced from Loretta. What did you get from the divorce?" Quagmire asked.

"Well, it was her who cheated on me, so I got some little advantage. I got the house and Jr's custody," said Cleveland.

"Nice to hear that, dude. And I'm sorry again for having sex with your wife," Quagmire said. He still felt a little remorseful for that.

"Oh, it's okay. Loretta was a hag who didn't love me anymore. If he didn't cheat on me with you, it would have been with somebody else," Cleveland replied with a shrug.

Suddenly, Quagmire heard something moving among the bushes.

"Hey, what's that?" Quagmire went to check the bushes. Cleveland then turned around, and saw that Quagmire wasn't there anymore.

"Quagmire? Did you find anything?" asked Cleveland. "Quagmire? Is this some kind of Halloween prank?"

But Cleveland got no response. He looked around, and shivered. "Boy, this sucks..."

Meanwhile, in another part of the forest, Meg, Lois, and Rosie were also looking for the corpses.

"Any luck?" asked Lois.

"Nope, I can't see anything,"Meg replied while looking around the bushes.

"You know, one of us could get on a broomstick and watch from above. I'm sure that we'll find the corpses in no time," Rosie suggested.

"Rosie, we can't do that. There are many people here, and they would see us," said Meg.

"Besides, that would be cheating," added Lois.

"Oh, come on, you have flown through Quahog multiple times," Rosie replied.

"Yes, but it was for a good reason. Besides, I had my witch outfit," said Meg.

"But that outfit doesn't cover your face!"

"No broomsticks, and that's final," said Meg in an authoritative tone.

Rosie muttered something under her breath, and went to look between a bunch of short trees. The two adults heard the sound of something moving quickly, a high pitched yelp, followed by silence.

"Rosie?" Meg asked. "What's going on? Rosie?"

"Rosie, don't ignore your mom when she's talking to you!" said Lois while going to where Rosie apparently was. "Rosie?"

"Mom?"

"Meg! She isn't here!" said Lois very worried.

"Rosie, if this is a joke, it isn't funny!"

But Lois wasn't sure that Rosie was pulling a prank on them, and neither was Meg.

...

In another part of the woods, Matt, Sophie, Stewie and Brian were looking for the corpses as well, and they had as much luck as the rest of the seekers.

"You know, this forest is much bigger than I expected," Brian commented. "We've been looking for half an hour, yet we didn't see anybody else."

"Yeah, it's really scary," said Sophie, rubbing herself. "Do you think that the legend of Pumpkinhead Jack was true?"

"Who knows," said Matt with a shrug. "We've encounter a lot of weird things since we meet the Griffins."

"Well, if Quahog was founded by a magic talking clam..." chuckled Brian.

"Really?" asked the two Kennedys.

"Well, that's what Mayor West says every year," said Brian with a shrug.

"This is really a crazy town, full of mad people, and those who are sane are either jerks or ididots," said Stewie. "And when I'm the ruler of the world, all the towns will be this crazy!"

Suddenly, they heard something moving behind a tree. All of them gasped in shock, and clung to each other.

"W-what's that?" asked Sophie in terror, hugging Stewie so hard that he was starting to turn purple. "Hello? Is anybody there?" But she got no answer.

"Well...I'm sure it was nothing. Just a wood animal," said Brian. "Come on Matt, go and take a look there."

"If you're so sure, why don't you go yourself?" Matt snapped back.

"Because I may be wrong, and there may be something dangerous there, and you're the one with super powers," Brian quickly said.

"...you win this time, dog," said Matt, frowning.

The black haired teen approached slowly to the zone where they heard something move. His breathe was becoming harder and harder, to the point that he was almost hyperventilating.

"Okay...I'm here...now I'm going to look and..." Matt then looked behind the tree and found...nothing.

"There's nothing here. Brian was probably right and it was just a squirrel and..." but when Matt turned around, neither Brian, Stewie nor his little sister were there anymore. "Guys? Where did you go? Oh, come on, this isn't funny!"

…

The last remaining team looking for the corpses and subsequent prize (at least, the last team whose members were important characters and not random nameless extras) were Jillian and her two children.

"This is so exciting, going to look for corpses! It isn't great?" Kyle cheered. But her mom and sister weren't enjoying the game as much as he did.

"I don't like the forest," Jillian whimpered. "It's so dark and gloomy and dark...and dark...and full of nasty animals..."

"Yeah, me too," said Maya. "And the worst thing is that there are any stores!"

Jillian gasped. "That's true! This place is getting scarier every minute!"

"Yeah, let's go back to the party!"

"There's nobody in the party, everybody is looking for the fake corpses," said Kyle. "Besides, don't you want to know what the prize is?"

"Hey, I got a question: how can you kill somebody that's fake?" asked Maya.

"Yeah, that's true! Do you think that your dad could answer that?" asked Jillian, while Kyle face-palmed.

"If you excuse me, I need to pee," Kyle said, and walked to a nearby bush. However, when Kyle get closer to the bush, he fell to the ground and started to squirm and began to squirm. "MOM! SISTER! HELP ME!"

"Don't worry Kyle, mommy is here!" said a worried Jillian as she and Maya rushed to the puppy. However, when they reached him, he was laughing his ass off.

"Hahahaha! Gotcha!" Kyle laughed, revealing that it was just an act. "Oh boy, you're so gullible! You should have seen your face! It was priceless!"

Jillian frowned, and crossed her arms. "You know Kyle, that wasn't a very nice thing to do. Scaring your mom that way!"

"Come on mama, let's go back to the party, no price is worth a walk in the forest at night," said Maya as she and her mother headed back to the party.

"Okay, go back, you chickens! I don't need you to find that corpse! With my dog smell, I will find it in a whim," he then sniffed the air, and frowned. "Why it does smell like car air freshener?"

The puppy turned around, and saw a figure towering over him.

"I shouldn't have pulled that prank on mom and Maya," was the last thing Kyle said.

…

Meanwhile, Peter and Joe continued their unsuccessful corpse search.

"Man, we've been looking for hours, and we've found nothing," said Peter, panting. "Wait, what if somebody else already found the corpses?"

"Then we've just gone all around the woods for nothing," said Joe.

"But I mean that, if somebody else already found it, would the Mayor notified us that the game is over?" asked Peter.

"I don't think that the Mayor thought that ahead," Joe replied.

"...what a douché."

"Peter, you can go back to the party if you want," Joe said, guessing his friend's thoughts.

"Yeah, like hell I'm going to stay alone in the woods at night!" Peter whimpered. "What if I get lost?"

"Your cell phone has a GPS. You won't get lost."

"But...what if the forest animals form an alliance to kill me, huh?"

Joe rolled his eyes, trying his best not to lose his cool.

"Listen, why don't you call Cleveland or Quagmire and ask them if they want to go back with you?" asked Joe. "I'm sure that they both want to go back already. You guys are a bunch of ninnies."

"Good idea Joe!" said Peter as he pulled his cell phone and dialed Quagmire's number. "You know Joe, despite being an obnoxious cripple, I do admire how you can stay calm in a situation like this."

"Well, I'm a cop, they train us for this," said Joe proudly.

"Damn, there isn't any network coverage here!" said Peter in frustration.

"What? The cell phone doesn't work? WE'RE GONNA DIE! WE'RE GONNA DIE! WE'RE DEAD, MAN!"

To make things worse, somebody stepped out from behind a tree. It was a tall figure dressed in green, covered in leafs and vines, and had a jack-o-lantern instead of a head.

"IT'S PUMPKINHEAD JACK! HE'S GONNA KILL US!" Peter screamed.

"I won't die without a fight!" said Joe, pulling his gun and placing several bullets on Jack's chest, leaving several holes on it. However, the holes simply regenerated as the pumpkinhead man walked towards them.

"I won't die, period! Run!"

Peter and Joe ran (or in the case of Joe, wheeled) their way out of there. When they couldn't run anymore, they stopped and gasped for air.

"What the hell was that!" asked Joe. "I emptied my gun and he was still standing!"

"I don't know, nor care," replied Peter, completely red and sweaty. "I just want to get back to Quahog!"

"Yes, but we're lost in the woods. We could be here for days before they find our bodies."

"Man, we will die in this crappy forest just like that pumpkin maniac and the landowner. I wonder if either of us is my ancestor..."

They heard again sounds of rustling in the bushes.

"AHHH! It's Pumpkinhead Jack again! He's gonna eat us!" screamed Peter again.

But it wasn't Jack, but Daphne.

"Hey, what's up with you two? I heard you scream! Did you see a ghost or what?" asked the nature witch.

"Oh, thanks God, another human being!" said Peter before rushing to hug Daphne. "We're saved!"

"Did you guys get lost?"

"Yes, but that's not everything! We saw Pumpkinhead Jack! I tried to kill him but it was useless!"

"Pumpkinhead Jack? Come on, that's ridiculous!" Daphne laughed.

"How can you said that when you're a wi-" Peter tried to say, but Daphne shushed him and moved his head at Joe, who was looking around nervously.

"If you want to go back to the party, I can take you there."

"Really? You know the way back?" asked Joe.

"Of course! I come here many times, I know this forest like you guys know your way to the Drunken Clam," said Daphne. "Come on, I'll take you to safety."

Peter and Joe sighed in relief, and followed the brown haired witch. However, they didn't see the witch's devious smirk in her face...

…

Meanwhile, Meg and Lois had all but forgotten about the contest, and were desperately seeking Rosie.

"Rosie! Rosie!" Meg yelled. "Where are you? Can you hear me?"

"This is useless! If she got lost, she could be anywhere! We'll take forever to find her!" Lois cried in desperation.

"No if we use the broomsticks," said Meg. "Like she said before, we will find her faster wacthing from above."

"But what if somebody sees us?"

"I don't care about that. My daughter is more important."

Meg summoned two broomsticks, and handed one of them to Lois. The two women hopped on them, and flied into the sky. However, when they passed a tree, something smacked Lois out of her broomstick and fell to the ground.

"Mom!" Meg cried, and turned back to check if she was okay.

"Oh...my...god..." Lois muttered upon seeing a man dressed in green with a pumpkin for a head was tanding in the top of a tree, looking them with his hollow eyes. "It's Pumpkinhead Jack!"

Meg quickly cast her hand at Jack, and fired a pink beam of energy at him that knocked him out of the tree, and fell to the ground. He didn't move.

"You killed him!" said Lois in horror. "Why did you do that?"

"But you said it was Pumpkinhead Jack!"

"Yes, but what if it was some actor that Mayor West hired to spice up the contest?" Lois rebutted.

Meg sighed. "I'll check if he's a real guy."

Meg approached to the lying figure on the ground, but when she was near enough, Jack hopped back on its feet and grabbed Meg with his long arms.

"It wasn't an actor!" Meg screamed.

"Okay, you were right. You don't have to rub it in my face," said Lois, mildly upset.

"He's hurting me! HELP ME!"

"Oh, yeah, sorry," said Lois. Looking around, she saw a small river. Using her powers, she created a large wave that hit Jack as well as Meg, however she was now released.

"But don't hit me! Hit him!" Meg complained.

"A little gratitude wouldn't hurt, would it?" Lois said. "You're really moody as for lately."

Brushing off that last comment, Meg snapped her fingers and muttered a spell to change from her Halloween costume to her witch outfit. The spell also affected Lois, which wasn't dressed as the egyptian queen anymore, and had another witch outfit similar to Meg's, except that it was baby blue instead of pink.

"Hey, nice clothes," gushed Lois, looking at her outfit.

"Thanks. Thought that we could have matching clothes," said Meg. She then turned at Pumpkinhead Jack. "Okay, enough talk about fashion, let's kick this guy's butt!"

Meg and Lois cast beams of energy at the vegetable monster, but it quickly dodged it. A huge scythe magically appeared between Jack's hands and used it to slice (or try to slice) Lois, but the redhead grabbed the scythe by the handle, snatched it from his hands, tossed it away and roundhoused Jack in the head, tearing off the jack-o-lantern from his neck.

"So much for Pumpkinhead Jack," Lois said, bending down to see Jack's body closer. It quickly dissolved into a puddle of green mud. She then turned back at her daughter. "So, what are we going to do now?"

"Mom, could you that a hundred more times?" asked Meg, who was looking at something with her eyes wide open.

"What? What are you...?" Lois looked in the same direction at Meg, and saw an horde of Pumpkinhead Jacks. "Oh, this is sooooooo gonna suck..."

The pumpkin monsters quickly surrounded the two witches and charged at them, some wielding the same scythes as the one they fought before, while others revealed some magic abilites by casting orange lightnings from their fingertips. Meg and Lois resisted well for some minutes, raising shields for protection, and casting beams of energy (and in Meg's case, also fireballs), to repel the attackers, but it looked like trying to exterminate ants: no matter how many you kill, never never ceased to appear.

"I don't know if I can last any longer!" said Meg as she frantically shot fireballs at the attacking plant-men.

"Meg watch out!" Lois yelled after seeing a pumpkin man sneaking behind her.

"Huh?" Meg turned around and saw too late the evil grin of the plant man, wielding a scythe, ready to slash her. But before that could happen, the pumpkinhead guy was blown away by a powerful tornado.

"No one," said Matt while walking towards the two women, casting twisters left and right. "Hurts my wife!"

"Matt!" Meg cried in joy, and rushed to hug him. "I was never so happy to see you!"

"Let's not celebrate it yet, honey. There's still a whole pumpkin crop to harvest!"

And with their male reinforcements, they resumed the fight.

…

Back to Peter and Joe, they were following Daphne, who told them that she'll take them back to the party safety. While they were still walking, Daphne stopped.

"Hey, why did we stop? Are we back on the party already?" asked Peter.

"I don't think so," said Joe, looking around. They were in a very dense area of forest. "Why did we stop here?"

"Oh, you'll find it really soon," Daphne said, almost laughing. She turned around at the two men, revealing the most chilling, devious and maniac smile they even saw. Her hands were glowing an intense green.

Suddenly, all the vegetation came to life and attacked the fat guy and the wheelchair bound cop. They tried to scream but many vines covered their moths, silencing them. The last thing they heard before losing consciousness was Daphne's mad cackle.

…

Back to Meg, Lois and Matt, they were fighting against the horde of pumpkin men, but now that Matt was with them, things were much easier. Some plant men even began to flee from the battleground, and in the end, all of them did.

"Ha! How do you like that, bee-yotches! Yeeeehaaw!" Matt cheered.

But Matt would soon regret of his boasting, since not all pumpkin men were gone. One of them was still there, hidden. He summoned in his hand a pumpkin the size of a football, and tossed it at the wind master. Upon hitting Matt, the pumpkin exploded, releasing a bunch of vines that wrapped tightly against the teen.

"What the hell is this?" asked Matt, trying to break free, but his efforts only made him to lose his balance, and fell to the ground. Astonishingly fast, the pumpkin man came out of his hideout, grabbed Matt and disappeared in the forest.

"Matt, no!" Meg cried. "First Rosie and now Matt! Is there any loved being this cursed forest won't take away from me?"

"I'm still here," said Lois. "But I shouldn't said that, I just jinxed it."

"Come on mom, we have to find Matt! He can't be too far!" hurried Meg, summoning the broomsticks again. "And maybe we can even find Rosie!"

Meg and Lois got on their broomsticks and began the search. It was rather difficult to find somebody in a forest in the dark of the night, but Meg summoned several light orbs that acted as flashlights. After some time, they finally found another human being, but it wasn't neither Matt nor Rosie.

"Oh, thanks god!" said the worried voice of Jillian. "Did you guys see Kyle or Maya? I can't find them!"

"Nope, sorry, we haven't seen any of them," said Lois.

"We're looking for Matt and Rosie. Have you see them?" asked Meg.

"No, but maybe he did," said Jillian, pointing to a tree were a large red bird was on.

"Flare!"

"He came here when he sensed that Rosie was in danger," said Jillian.

"Wait...who told you that?" asked Lois.

"Duh, Flare did, silly!" said Jillian as in pointing out the obvious.

"Do you understand him?" asked Meg perplexed.

"Of course! Can't you?"

"No, none of us except Rosie understands what he says," Lois explained.

"That's not important, now that Flare is here he can lead us whenever Rosie possibly the others are," said Meg. "Come on Flare, take us to Rosie!"

Flare cawed loudly and flapped his wings quickly. In no time, they were surrounded by another horde of pumpkin men.

"Oh no, not again!" said Lois.

"You've been chased by these meanies too?" asked Jillian.

"Jillian, I know that your have very little fighting experience, but I want you to do your best," said Meg, getting in a defensive stance.

Then Jillian saw something, and an idea reached her tiny mind. "Hey, there's a beehive! I'll ask the bees to help us!"

"Jillian no! Just because you're dressed like a bee doesn't mean that-"

But Meg had to shallow her words as she saw how a huge swarm of bees came out of the hive and attacked the pumpkin men, which badly defended themselves by waving and flailing their arms. They took no time in escaping, since they were unable to stop the rage of the hives and their blonde queen.

"Wow, you just...that bees followed your orders! How did you do it?" asked Lois, eyes wide in shock.

"Well, I just asked them to help us," said Jillian. "You gain a lot being nice and polite, that's what I tell my kids."

"It seems that Jillian has an unique empathy with animals," Meg mused.

"Probably because their boyfriend and son are animals," said Lois.

"Hey, I didn't insult your family!" replied Jillian, offended. "Just because they're dogs it doesn't mean that they're animals!"

"Actually, it does."

"It does?" asked Jillian, scratching her head. "Oh, then sorry for yelling at you, Lois."

"Okay, enough chitchat, time to save our loved ones from the claws of Halloween themed monsters. Flare, show us the way!"

Flare, tracking Rosie by their mental bond, lead the three girls into the deepest part of the forest, where no human being has been before in centuries. Meg also gave Jillian a witch outfit similar to her her mother's, since the blonde wouldn't stop asking for one. Jillian's witch dress was exactly the same as Meg's, except it was yellow instead of pink, and had white trims instead of white. The phoenix lead the group to a large tree. Below the tree, there was the entrance of an underground tunnel.

"This place really really have problems with moles," Jillian exclaimed. "Oh, and Flare says that Rosie is down there."

"Then what are we waiting for? Let's go in!" Meg said, and with determination, she advanced into the dark tunnel.

After a long walk in the dark, an orange light could just be made out in the distance. Later, it turned out that the lights were huge glowing flowers that illuminated a large underground cavity. Hanging to the roof, there were many cocoons with people inside them, among them were Matt, Rosie, Sophie, Brian, Stewie, Peter and many more.

"Yes! We found them! Good job Flare!" said Meg, petting the fire bird.

"It seems that this is the pumpkin men's hideout," Lois mused. "Wonder why did they bring all this people for."

"Who cares? Let's free them and get back home!"

Meg was about to telekinetically lower all the cocoons to the floor, when the whole place suddenly shook violently.

"What the hell was that?" asked Lois in panic.

"The room just trembled, silly!" said Jillian.

Another shook, this time more intense, followed by many thick green vines sprouting from the ground. Finally, a pumpkin (or better said, Jack-o-lantern) the size of a bus emerged from the ground. It glared at the three witches and the phoenix with its hollow eyes.

"Oh my..." Jillian said in awe.

"So, this thing must be the leader of those pumpkin men!" Meg deduced. "Let's kill it, and its minions will disappear too!"

"Hey, how did you come up to that conclusion?" asked Lois.

"It always happens in the movies and videogames," said Meg with a shrug.

The giant pumpkin put an end to the talking when it swung one of its huge vines, nearly crushing Meg and Lois. Upon recovering, Meg summoned a fireball on each hand and tossed them at the pumpkin, scorching its hard peel. Lois meanwhile summoned several blue energy orbs and shot them at the large vegetable, but it only dealt superfluous damage. The pumpkin flailed its vines violently, hitting Lois succesfully.

"Mom!" Meg yelled, and rushed to help Lois. "Jillian, I'm going to check mom, I need you to cover me!"

"What?" asked Jillian. "But-"

"_No_," she thought. _"I'm not going to stay here cowering in fear. Meg taught me a lot. I will demonstrate her and anybody else the great witch I am! For her, Brian and my kids!"_

The giant pumpkin bellowed at Jillian, and the blonde witch could only scream in return and stay there cowering in fear. It opened its mouth, spitting a bunch of normal sized pumpkins at the blonde, which would have hit her if Flare hadn't burned them with a wave of fire. The bird cawed at Jillian.

"You're right birdie! I can do it!" said Jillian in determination. Sge cast her hands forward and launched a volley of star-shaped golden energy bolts that impacted the pumpkin in the eyes. The pumpkin let out a wail of pain. "Yay! I did it!"

However, the pumpkin was far from defeated. It opened its large jaws, and orange energy particles began to gather on it, forming a glowing orb.

"Jillian, watch out!" Meg yelled.

Jillian heard Meg in time, and dodged the powerful orange energy blast.

"Phew, that was close!" said Jillian, hiding behind a large rock.

"This thing's thought," said Meg, joining the fight once again. "We'll need something more powerful!"

The teen witch raised her index and middle finger together, and sparks began to shoot from its tips. After some seconds, Meg shot an impressive lightning bolt at the pumpkin monster, which bellowed in pain upon receiving the electric attack. Even if Meg's attack harmed the monster a lot, it wasn't enough to defeat it completely. After dodging another vine whip, Meg went into hiding behind a large rock among Lois, Jillian and Flare.

"That thing it's insanely strong!" Lois cried in desperation. "How are we supposed to kill it?"

"And why do we have to kill it?" asked Jillian, innocent as ever.

"Jillian, that monstrous pumpkin kidnapped out family for who knows what wicked purposes!" Meg shouted. "It can't be good!"

"Maybe that pumpkin just feels alone and wanted some friends," said Jillian. "Let ask it that,"

"No, Jillian!"

But the blonde didn't listen. She came out of the hiding spot and walked towards the giant pumpkin without any trace of fear that plagued her before. "Hey, Mr. Pumpkin!" Jillian said, although she wasn't sure if the pumpkin was a male. The giant pumpkin bellowed once more.

"You did a lot of bad things, but I'm sure that you're not a bad person...err, bad vegetable, and that you simply feel alone and sad in this hole in the middle of the forest, right?"

Much to their surprise, the pumpkin did not make any attempts on attacking Jillian. In fact, it seemed like it was listening to her.

"So, let's do this," Jillian continued. "Release the people you kidnapped, and I will be your friend, okay? It will be fun! We can paint our toenails or brush each other's hair!...although you don't have toenails nor hair..."

"I can't believe it! It's working!" said Meg in awe.

"Keep going Jillian! You're doing fine!" Lois cheered.

"So, what do you say? Friends?" asked the blonde.

"Fri...friends," the pumpkin said.

"It speak?" asked Lois in awe.

"See?" asked Jillian, turning at Meg and Lois. "I told you it wasn't a bad guy!"

"Bravo, Jillian," said another female voice, followed by a slow clap. Daphne suddenly appeared from behind the pumpkin. She waved her hands, and the pumpkin buried itself again underground. "Congratulations, you just passed the test."

"Test?" asked Meg and Lois in unison.

"I already told you that this would be an important night for you," said Daphne.

"Wait...you did all this? The pumpkin men, the kidnappings...it was all your doing?" asked meg, incredulous.

"Yes. You've been my apprentices for a long time, and I taught you a lot of things. You also fight against many dangerous enemies and many other perils, but I still think that you needed to be tested. I wanted to put you through something you never experienced before, such as the events of this night, and like Jillian showed you, sometimes a violent response is not the answer."

"It's what I always say: you gain a lot being polite and nice," the blonde said, smiling.

"Yes. Today wasn't just a test for your skills, but how would you use them. And I'm proud to say that you girls met all my expectations," said Daphne. "You will be fine witches."

"What about Rosie?" asked Meg.

"She's still too young for this test, but she have to go through some in the future," the nature witch replied. "Anyway, don't worry about that yet."

"What's going to happen with the people the pumpkin men kidnapped?" asked Lois.

"They won't remember a thing," said Daphne. "Come on, Halloween hasn't ended yet."

…

After Daphne released and wiped the memory of everybody, the citizens of Quahog were once again gathered in the party spot. Adam West was about to speak.

"This has been a great Halloween party," said Adam West. "I really hope you had fun with this little game I set. Now, to announce the winners: that mustached black man and his friend of the huge chin and long nose!"

"We have a name, you know," said Cleveland, mildly upset.

"You won this wonderful prize: a box full of money, porn, and guns!"

"YES!" Quagmire and Cleveland said in unison, and high fived.

"Man, what a night," said Meg. "I can't wait to go back home and get in the bed."

"Indeed, I'm also really tired," said Lois, rubbing her neck. "Hey, did you see your dad?"

Suddenly, Peter passed them, running and screaming in terror, followed by an horder of squirrels, mouses, birds, owls, snakes and other wood animals.

"What the hell was that?" asked Matt.

"From what I heard, the wood animals formed an alliance to kill Peter for whatever reason," Jillian said, scartching her head.

"Weird," Stewie said. "Hey, why did I get so few lines in this chapter?"

"Oh, shut up, attention whore!" Rosie shouted.

**End Chapter.**

**Mini Fanmail**

"Hope you enjoyed this Halloween special. We tried for a mix between mystery, horror and humor, and it's up to you to judge if we succeeded," Meg said. "Anyway, it's time to read our readers' questions. Our first question is from Hotstreak, and it's for Brian"

_Hotsreak asks:Have_ _you ever thought of asking Meg for magical powers?_

"Yes, I did, but so far I don't think I need magic powers. Maybe in the future,"Brian shrugged.

"Alright, our next letter is from Bluelikefriday," said Matt.

_Bluelikefriday asks:_

_Ander: have you seen the season 9 episode where Stewie and Brian kill Bertram?_

Yes, I did. And it would have been a perfect episode if they just hadn't killed him.

_Ander: will we still see a lot of the Griffin family in the spellbook2 ?_

You'll see as much as you are seeing in this story.

"Alright, next letter is from KaileyDawn21, and she has a heck lot of questions!" said Rosie, reading the letter.

_KaileyDawn21 asks:_

_Will Trevor from Chapter 16 return? _

No, he won't.

_Peter: Why are you such a fat, retarded jerk to Meg?_

"Oh come on, what's so special about Meg? Everybody picks on her!" Peter complained.

"I don't pick on her," Brian said.

"Me neither," said Lois.

"Not even I," said Stewie.

"...I hate you," Peter muttered under his breath.

_Stewie: Dude,s top trying to take Rosie's Powers(I saw mini fanmail from Chapter 46), besides,you have badass weapons.  
_

"Oh, I'm not trying to steal her powers anymore. I just realized that having magic powers only serves to drag dangerous stuff, " Stewie replied.

"But you like dangerous stuff," Brian said.

"SHUT UP!"

_Brian: When you and Jillian finally get married,where do you want the wedding to be planned? _

"Maybe here. Jasper's wedding was great, and I want mine to be even better," Brian answered.

_Miriam: Why are you such bitchy witch? I mean,you are kinda cool,but what? Are you on your endless period or something? Or being witch whom lived in the 1500s or something makes you cranky,and a big fat bitch to your Sisters? _

"Because you don't get anywhere being a goody-two shoes. The highest you want to aim, the more of a merciless asshole you have to be. Just look at Bill Gates!" Miriam replied.

_Matt: Hope you get some more screentime and you are a good husband to Meg. _

"Thanks! And don't worry, I'm happy with current focus," Matt replied.

"Alright, and here is our last letter, from CMRosa," said Lois.

_CMRosa asks:_

_Peter: remember in episode He's Too Sexy for His Fat where you lick your own boobs embarrassing Chris, what where you thinking?  
_

"I just wanted to show Lois what is to embarrass your son in front of dozens of people. And I suceeded," Peter said happily, lading back in the couch.

_Connie D'Amico: I'll be honest with you I dislike you and I hate to be the first person to ask you a question but I was wondering in "McStroke you where arrested for being a pedophile and in the DVD commentary for the episode said that you did go to jail, how was jail and how did you get out of jail? _

"I don't want to talk about that," Connie replied. "And to answer the second question, my family has some connections."

"Wow, Connie got a letter?" asked Meg in surprise.

"Alright, that was the last letter. See you next chapter!" said Matt, waving to the camera.

**End fanmail**

**Hope you enjoyed The Spellbook's first Halloween themed chapter. Don't forget to review!  
**


	50. 50th Chapter Special

**50th Chapter Special**

**Author's note: Credit goes to Aldovas, who inspired the idea for this chapter.**

**Second author's note: Today is the Family Guy Fanfic forum's third anniversary. Thanks to everybody who helped to make it into the biggest FG forum of this site. This chapter is dedicated to all of you.**

_Hello, and welcome everybody to this very special chapter of The Spellbook. Today, instead of a story, the regular characters of this fic, both canon and original, will talk about their time here. Also, you'll see what I think about each character and when I write for them._

_Enjoy._

**1- Protagonist**

**Meg Griffin-Kennedy**

"You know, I kinda like this story, and my role in it. I get a handsome husband, a cute daughter, my family loves me, magic powers...what else I could ask? Let's not forget that I'm the heroine of the story, which is something that I don't get too often. Many people said that I wasn't good enough to deserve my own story, since I wasn't interesting enough to hold anybody's attention for long, but apparently those people proved to be wrong. You know why? Because I represent change. Something new and refreshing. Sure, Brian and Stewie are okay, but they are starting to show their age and there are lots of people who want to see something else, something new and original, and I can give them that."

Ander's thoughts on Meg:

_I like Meg, and she's obviously my favorite character. Many people ask me (as well as other Meg fans) why I like such a boring and uninteresting character. Well, I think that Meg can be funny besides the stale Meg bashing that more and more people don't find amusing anymore, and she can be interesting too. I always thought that there's no such thing as bad characters, just bad writers unable to make them interesting. I've seen lots of authors to take a supposedly boring character and turning them into interesting. And that's what I tried to do with Meg._

_I also love to write for her too. She's sweet and kind, but she can be though as nails. These two traits combined form a likeable character willing to help her loved ones and kick some asses when necessary. This doesn't mean that she's all perfect, since she can also be a bit shallow and self centered, but at least she learns from her mistakes._

**2.- Main Characters**

**Lois Pewterschmidt-Griffin**

"At first, I wasn't sure about this story, since I'm always portrayed as a total bitch in other Meg fics, but Ander decided to return to my roots as the loving caretaker of the family of the pre-cancellation seasons. I share the role of voice of reason among other characters. But the fact that I like the most about myself in this story is that I don't let anybody to step on me. I'm a strong woman with it's own dreams and interests besides taking care of the family. I opened my own business and even got magic powers towards the end. Oh, by the way, do you want to know something funny? When Ander planned to introduce his first female baby original character, it was supposed to be my daughter, but he wasn't able to find a way to avoid Peter's vasectomy."

Ander's thoughts on Lois:

_Lois was always my second to favorite character, and it's a pity to see what she became after the show was brought back. I liked her combination of sweet and loving family woman who would gouge your eyes out of your skull if you messed with her or her loved ones. Now, she's a bitch who doesn't give a crap about anybody. _

_I obviously set to fix that, and return her to her original characterization. Although there are people who say that Lois now is more interesting by giving her a more flawed personality, I disagree. She ins't anymore deeper or interesting, just another asshole you want to punch in the face. Another thing I removed, or better said softened about her is her insatiable sex drive. At first was funny, but then she was pretty much her only trait, and I didn't want a shallow slut in my story._

**Brian Griffin**

"What I could say about my role in this story? Guess that it has it good parts and bad parts. Among the bad parts, I don't get as much focus as in other fics or in the show, I don't get to do anything interesting (at least compared to other characters) or have any exciting adventure with Stewie like I used to, and I'm not allowed to speak my mind as I'd like to. But on the good parts, there's no more heartbreaking since Jillian's my girlfriend again, and I know that Ander won't break us up for some stupid reason. And the best part: I'm a dad! Yes, I know that I already had a son before that, but I barely spent any time with him. Besides, one of my children is also a dog like me, and I also have a daughter. Maybe my dreams and aspirations will never come true, but I think that forming my own family was great, so all in all, the good parts outweight the bad parts, so I'm satisfied with my role int his story."

Ander's thoughts on Brian:

_There was a time in which Brian was my favorite character. He was witty, sophisticated, sarcastic and intelligent, with some believable flaws such as his alcoholism or his lust for a married woman, namely Lois. Episodes focused on him were usually more serious and less comedic, in contrast to the episodes focused on Peter, Meg or Stewie, which added a nice touch of variety. But then, he was turned into a preachy author avatar slash egocentric asshole slash casanova wannabee, making him into the most obnoxious and insufferable cartoon character since Elmyra from Tiny Toons. _

_This didn't mean that Brian was beyond redemption. Like I did with Lois before, I returned him to his original characterization of sophisticated, sarcastic persona with some flaws that added him some depth, such as favoritism over one of his children, and jealousy derived from his fear of losing Jillian again. Even if I kept his left wing political views, he doesn't shove them down anybody's throat anymore. If you're interested, Brian isn't an atheist in my story (because it simply doesn't make any sense), but agnostic/non religious._

_I think I'm digressing, so let's finish this already. I like to write for Brian too. He's troubled and has many flaws to be explored, which makes him very easy and enjoyable to write for. He's mostly there to help other characters with some advice (except when he's in the spotlight) and he will remain in the shadows if he isn't needed. And no more politics, no more failing romances and no more sexual innuendo with Stewie._

**Stewie Griffin**

"The idea of starring in a show focused on my sister in which she got magic powers and I was nothing but second fiddle to her didn't appeal to me one inch. The fact that I'll work mostly with other children didn't made thing anything better. And three girls. Three. F(bleep!)ing. Girls. At first it was going to be just one, but Ander kept adding them. Thanks God for Kyle. Even if I refused to work with people below my intellect(that's why I grew to like Brian. He may be a huge douche, but you can have insightful conversations with him), I realized that it wasn't as bad as I thought. I also don't have as much focus as I'm used to get, but I at least still go on adventures, with Rosie and other children replacing Brian. At first I missed that dog, but I forgot him faster than expected. Even if those kids I was forced to hang out with can be annoying, I admit that I also have a great time with them.

"Oh, and the best part: I'm no longer a walking fountain of gay jokes! I really missed beings super genius, the rayguns, giant robots, missiles, going on a killing spree...so guess that that makes up for making me to hang out with a bunch of noisy girls."

Ander's thoughts on Stewie:

_Stewie is yet another awesome yet horribly derailed character I had the urge to fix by, once again, return him to his original mad genius characterization. I like Stewie, and I love to write for him, that's why he's still so prominently featured in a story focused on Meg. However, I simply can't stand the Stewie from the show. He's a total wimp who can't stand for himself and becomes more and more obsessed with Brian. Some people find this cute, yet I find it repulsive and creepy (not because Brian is a dog, but because growing obsessed with somebody IS creepy)._

_That's why I removed all the traits that I didn't like of him, such as his flamboyant homosexuality who was there just to provide repetitive gay jokes, his obsession with Brian and his wimpy persona, and gave him back those which I did like, such as his violence, his love for weapons and inventions and his innate knack of being unnecessarily cruel to others for giggles. That made me like Stewie so much._

_I also didn't want Stewie to become very attached or dependent on _any _other character. For example, he does miss to spend some time with Brian, but he doesn't angst about it. This way, he can work with a bigger cast without fading into the background._

Ander's thoughts on Brian and Stewie:

_Yes, I know that I already talked about them already, but there were some things I wanted to mention that involved both._

_Anybody who read this story already realized that, even if Brian and Stewie still have prominent roles, they hardly spend anytime with each other. In fact, when I try to write a scene with Brian and Stewie together, is like they refuse to work with each other. It's like trying to put together two magnets of the same pole. Guess that, since Brian and Stewie usually work with other people most of the time, it feels awkward when they are together._

_Anyway, I planned to break this duo before the story even started. Inspired by Malcolm Fox, I planned for Stewie to hang out with a group of toddlers(either Rosie or all of them replace Brian in their adventures), while Brian would spend more time with Jillian. I also planned to return the Peter/Brian duo, but it wasn't possible due to the small focus on Peter._

**Rosie Kennedy**

"I must say that I love this story. I get to go on many adventures with Stewie and many other nice kids of whom I'm very attached to. I also have a cool family that loves me and it's willingly to play with me and make me happy."

Ander's thoughts on Rosie:

_Inspired by Maddie Murdock, Rosie was conceived as Stewie's playmate and foil, since Brian would no longer be his partner. Sophie was the first attempt at this kind of character, but it failed since they lived in different houses. She's usually kind, sweet and level headed in contrast to Stewie's madness and evil, thus making a really dynamic duo that, both me and my readers like much better than Brian and Stewie since it offers something more than homosexual innuendo. _

_I also decided to give her magic powers, since that would make her more interesting and create a science/magic duo with Stewie. However, she isn't entirely dependent on Stewie or any other character for that matter._

_At first, I was very reluctant to make Meg to have a daughter for obvious reasons, but when her character formed in my head, I had to introduce them in some way, and this was the only one._

**3.-Supporting Characters**

**Matt Kennedy**

"My role in this story is a popular one during the last years: Meg's love interest. I was eager to star in this story, since I thought that I would be prominently featured, but later I realized that my role was much smaller than I thought. Well, I can't complain, since the story was about Meg since the beginning, and not me. Still, I get to go with Meg and the rest of the family on some exciting adventures and fights, and hey, at one point I gained superpowers!

"I also love to work with the Griffins. Peter can be an asshole, but the rest of them are a loveable bunch, and it's very easy to get along with all of them, and I wanted they to like me as much as I liked them."

Ander's thoughts on Matt:

_Matt was the mandatory love interest for Meg. He was supposed to be the voice of reason in order to replace Lois and Brian, but I also realized that he wasn't too interesting nor funny. You know, I kind of feel like a Family Guy writer: I didn't feel like developing him because I wanted to focus on more interesting or funny characters. Still, I didn't give up on him, and I plan to give him a more outstanding personality._

_Everytime I tried to write a chapter in which Matt was in the spotlight it failed, mostly because he wasn't enough developed to carry the weight of the plot, that's why he still needs to be a supporting character before being ascended to main character. This will be something to do in the sequel._

**Jillian Russell**

"Boy, I was like super happy to have such a big role on this story. And I'm back with my oogy! Even if she broke my heart once, I learn to forgive him, and I never regretted of that decision. Besides, other men I dated after breaking up with him were all a bunch of pigs who wanted only one thing from me...my house. Because they always insisted on going to my place in the first date. If you can't find a house, that's not my problem!

"I also became a mom. At first I was really scared, since I didn't know how to raise kids, and that would suppose a bigger change in my life than that time I had to change my videotape player for a DVD player. Motherhood was as hard as I thought, but it was rewarding. My children are the two things I love the most in this world, right after peanut butter. I love peanut butter! Oh, and I also got magic powers!"

Ander's thoughts on Jillian:

_I was thinking in a way for Jillian to come back even before the story started. She's one of my favorite characters, mostly because she's genuinely funny, she isn't a jerk and she and Brian made a cute and funny couple. Eleven chapters into the story and Jillian was back._

_It's a character I love to write for. I find extremely easy to write for her, and coming up with good dumb blonde jokes isn't hard. In fact, I like her so much that I must limit her focus to some chapters, and kept her in the shadows the rest of the time. Why I do this? Yeah, I could shoehorn Jillian in every chapter just like Brian and Stewie are shoehorned in every Family Guy episode (although this trend finally stopped), and the result would be equally disastrous: she'll either derail or delay the chapter. She will have her time to shine, and if there's no role for her in the chapter, then she doesn't need to appear.. _

**Sophie Kennedy**

"When I was told that I'll co-star with Stewie, I couldn't believe it. I always liked him, and this chance was like a dream coming true. But I got more than I expected, since I also met Rosie, Kyle and Maya, which are great friends of mine. Speaking of Rosie, after she was introduced, I was cast aside, and I was afraid that my role on this story would be over, but fortunately Ander didn't forget about me, and after several chapters being absent, I was back again."

Ander's thoughts on Sophie:

_Sophie was the original baby girl, before being replaced by Rosie. She's sweet and bubbly , traits Stewie really hate. She isn't related to Stewie, so she could also work as a love interest. She was left in the cold after Rosie was introduced, but I decided to have her back after several chapters, since her relationship and dynamics with Stewie were different from Rosie's. Besides, she could also be a friend for Rosie._

_Even if her crush on Stewie will remain in the future, I also plan to give her other traits and interests._

**Kyle Russell**

"What do I think about this story? Guess that it's alright, I think. My role is small, but I'm okay with it. I'm stuck living with two dumb blondes and our father doesn't even live with us. Fortunately, I heard that it will change soon. Bu what won't change is that he's a stupid liberal. Okay, okay, we made a truce of never mention politics whenever the other was present, for the sake of our relationship. Then there's also that football headed freak who wants to befriend me for some reason..."

My thoughts on Kyle:

_Some people asked why did I made Kyle a puppy (although most of my readers didn't care). The reason was that I wanted at least one of Brian's children to be a dog like him. I also decided to make him a conservative (even if it's unrealistic for a small kid to be interested in politics) as a big screw you to Brian, as well as to teach him a lesson about tolerance, since Brian is the typical self proclaimed "open minded guy" who will belittle anybody who disagrees with him. Talk about hypocrisy._

_I also thought that maybe Stewie could see him as some sort of replacement of Brian, his new best friend, but Kyle wouldn't be so eager to strike a friendship with him. Unlike Brian, he's very irritable and short tempered, specially if Stewie's around._

_Lastly, there's also his crush on Rosie. Funny thing, it was a joke introduced by Tanadra, but it got such a great reception that I had to develop it (not that I didn't like it)_

**Maya Russell**

"I like this story, and my role in it. It's really fun: I play with girls of my age(even if their sense of fashion is nonexistent), go shopping with mama, go on adventures, and much more. I wish dad would spend more time with us, but I heard that he'll move with us soon. "

My thoughts on Maya:

_Maya was initially conceived as a baby version of Jillian, but she's slowly developing her own persona aside from being a little dumb blonde, such as her passion for beauty, fashion and clothes in general. She's extremely girly, and that's probably what I like the most about her, in contrast of those many tomboy OCs which are nothing but a male fantasy of the perfect girl with boy interests. Some people suggested to give her some dog-like qualities since she's Brian's daughter, but I think that I'll leave that for Kyle, since it doesn't fit her._

My thoughts on Kyle and Maya:

_Kyle and Maya were introduced as additions to Stewie and Rosie's circle of friends. Well, technically there was no such thing until they were introduced, since Sophie was their only friend. Even if I did plan Jillian to get pregnant, I didn't want her to have twins since I already copied Malcolm Fox too much. I wanted a boy since I already introduced two baby girls, but I also had the idea of Maya in my head, so in the end I decided to make both. Even if some people thought of them as clones of Tilly and CJ, they soon developed their own distinctive personalities. _

_I really like both of them. They are great additions for the episodes focused on Stewie and Rosie, but they can work without them._

**Daphne**

"You could say that I'm to the Spellbook what Obi-Wan is to the Star Wars movies, although fortunately I won't die. My role is to teach Meg and Rosie (and now Lois and Jillian...) how to use their magic skills and to use them in a responsible way. Even if I rarely get a plot focused on me, I'm quite happy with my role in the story."

Ander's thoughts on Daphne:

_I thought that it would be a nice addition if I introduced a good witch that would teach Meg to use her magic. Funny thing, her introduction wasn't even planned, it simply popped in my head, and as a result, I got a good twist. Her role is simple: she's Meg's teacher and mentor, helps her with some battles and it's usually her who finds a way to solve the plot. Even if she will always be a supporting character, I plan to flesh her out a bit more._

**Peter Griffin**

"Man, this story sucks. I barely get to do anything interesting, there are lots of characters who appears much more than me, I can't pull pranks of Meg without her turning me into a frog or setting me on fire in return, and for some reason nobody finds my jokes funny! Come on, everybody loves farts! I simply can't believe that so many people is willing to read and follow with such passion a story about Meg. Meg! And they call ME a retard!"

Ander's thoughts on Peter:

_It's fairly obvious that Peter was never my favorite character, that's why I didn't even bother to fix his characterization. He's just a fat idiot that for some reason everybody loves him and think that he's uber hilarious. Well, he's not! He's just a fat buffoonish asshole who's extremely overrated. _

_Being the main character of the original source, I decided to use Peter from time to time, although the plot never revolves around him, mostly as a supporting character for Lois or Brian, and occasional comic relief, since he really can't do anymore in a story like this, and I already have enough main characters. He's pretty much this fic's punching bag, although I try not to be to hard on him._

**4.- Minor Characters**

**Chris Griffin**

"Well...I can't say too much about this story. I appeared very little at the beginning, and my focus became each time smaller to the point that, if I did appear on a chapter, it was just a cameo, or to deliver a joke. I heard that I'm not even going to be featured in the sequel, which isn't surprise. I don't mind, given how small my role in this story was. Well, at least I got a beautiful asian girlfriend."

Ander's thought on Chris:

_Chris is probably the most underrated Family Guy character, right before Meg. That's why, unlike Peter, I did try to give him a proper role in the story. In fact, I didn't even have to fix his personality, since he's one of the few remaining characters who isn't a complete jerk. But Chris is a bitch to write for, and I was unable to come up with a way to make Chris at least a supporting character, and he inevitably faded into the background, and I was resigned to admit that he simply didn't fit in the story. Guess that my writing skill wasn't good enough..._

**Flare**

Ander's thoughts on Flare:

_I introduced Flare as a request of one my readers, since the idea of Rosie having a mythological animal as a pet appealed to me too. He doesn't have any defined role other than being Rosie's pet companion and sometimes flying mount. He's mostly prominently featured in the adventure chapters centered on the children. He doesn't speak, and only Rosie understands him, so flesh him out is extremely hard. At least, I sometimes come up with some funny moments._

**End Chapter**

**Mini Fanmail**

"Well, I hope that you enjoyed this retrospective of the story;" Meg said. "Probably all of you expected to see a normal chapter, but Ander wanted to do soemthing new and special to celebrate this milestone," she made a small pause and added: "Now time to ask the questions from our loyal fans!"

"Our first letter is from Loessar," said Matt, opening the letter. "And it's for Brian!"

"It's always a pleasure to answer my fans' questions," the dog said.

_Loessar asks: Brian, Since you love politics, have you ever considered running for Mayor of Quahog? _

"I thought of it, but I don't think it would work, for many reasons," said Brian. "For starters, I don't think that anybody would like to have a dog for a mayor. And even if I managed to win the election, power would corrupt me over time. I mean, look what happened to Lois, and she's a much more moral person than me."

"Thanks for your sincere words, Brian," said Rosie. "Our next letter is from CMRosa, and has questions for many people!"

_CMRosa asks:_

_Lois Griffin remember in episode Peter, Peter, Caviar Eater when Peter call your family a bunch of pimps and whores, where you really mad at him when he said that, what did you do? _

"You see, Peter and I have an agreement: he can insult my family as long as I can insult his," said Lois. "We had this problem for years, and realized that this was the best solution."

"And Lois here has taught us a lesson about the importance of balance in couples," said Brian.

_Lois Griffin Remember in episode The King Is Dead when Peter promises to get her the job as director again next year, did you ever get that job and do you still what to produce a play?  
_

Lois sighed "No, I didn't. After that, I grew to dislike theater."

_Chris Griffin have you every thoght about being an artist again like you where in episode A Picture Is Worth a 1,000 Bucks, but this time for the right reasons? _

"Yes, but the problem is that I draw because I like it. When I became a professional artist, drawing no longer became fun, so it's better this way," Chris answered.

_Lois Griffin and Glenn Quagmire remember the episode And the Wiener Is, well I was wondering Lois Griffin did you really send Glenn Quagmire to molest Connie and her friends or just to scared them and Glenn Quagmire what happen after Connie call her mother? _

"I honestly didn't know what Quagmire would do, but I didn't care," said Lois proudly. "When you become a mother, you'll see that your children are the most precious things in the world."

"What happened after Connie called her mother?" Quagmire repeated the question, then he gave the camera a sly smile. "What happens to every woman that comes near me? Hehehe."

"Okay, here we have a question from a new reader, and its for Miriam," said Lois, opening another letter.

_Datazerone asks: hey Miriam, when are ya gonna use your powers to travel back in time and go into your body?_

"Because I can't travel back in time. If I could, I'd already do it," replied Miriam.

"Okay, here is another letter, from Wolf325," said Stewie.

_Wolf 325 asks: are you going to make any references to Halo?_

I never played Halo, so no.

"Here we have a new letter, from the president of my deviantart fanclub!" said Meg.

_Hyperforce asks:_

_Ander, how about some Ghostbusters or Power Rangers jokes?_

I'll try. In fact, I already thought on a gag about the power rangers.

_Brian, what do you think of how Quagmire treats you on the show? _

"Well, at first I thought that maybe I kinda deserved it," said Brian with a shrug. "But later I think that he's taking this too far."

(A/N: Sorry, I didn't answered your first question cause I didn't watch any season 10 episode yet.)

"Alright, our next question is from aldovas and its for..." Matt paused a bit. "Everyone!"

_Aldovas asks: What do you think about 'Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, Part 2'? You guys think is the best movie of the year? _

"Yeah, it was really good. I love Harry Potter and the last movie didn't disappointed me!" said Chris cheerfully.

"Yeah, I liked it a lot too," said Lois.

"It sucked. I wanted Voldemort to kill that wimp with glasses," said Stewie.

"I wish there was more focus on romance," said Rosie.

"That movie encouraged me to keep writing. Maybe someday they'll make a movie adaptation of one of my novels," said Brian, as everybody else rolled their eyes.

"I went to see it with my children, and it was really good," said Jillian. "But that Voldy guy really needs a makeover..."

"It was a really neat adaptation, almost as good as the Lord of the Rings," said Matt.

"One of the best movies ever so far," concluded Meg.

"Agreed. My favorite part was when the ninjas fought against those dinosaurs!" said Peter. Everybody stared at him.

"Peter, there aren't ninjas nor dinosaurs in Harry Potter," Brian remarked.

"...well, it should!"

"Lets' see the next letter..." said Lois.

_Hotstreak asks:Meg, if one of your old boyfriends blackmailed you into going out with them would you or would risk getting your most deepest darkest secret exposed._

"If somebody, ex boyfriend or not, dared to blackmail me, well...lets' say that I learned a lot of magic during these months, and I would do them something that wouldn't be pretty."

"That was our last question, dear readers," said Rosie. "Thanks for reading, and don't forget to review!"

**End Fanmail**

**NOTE: Next chapter will be the last fanmail of the story (but not the last chapter), so if you still have some questions for the characters, ask it now!**


	51. Goodbye, Brian

**Chapter 51: Goodbye, Brian**

It was a normal day in the Griffin household and...no, wait, it wasn't a normal day. The entire family, plus Jillian, Kyle and Maya were in the kitchen, all looking to Brian and his blond girlfriend.

"Okay Brian, you told us you had something very important to tell us," said Lois.

"Yes, and I hope it¡s worth it, since I'm missing Total Drama Island right now!" Chris protested.

"Which season?" asked Matt.

"Season two."

Matt grunted in disgust: "you aren't missing anything worth watching then."

Brian cleared his throat and started talking. "Yes, I have several announcements to do: first of all, I got a job!"

"Really? That's great Brian!" Meg beamed.

"Yeah, now you can contribute with some money to the family after all the time you've been living with us for free," Stewie said.

"Where are you working?" asked Rosie.

"At an editorial in downtown Quahog. I'm going to write the summaries of the back cover of the books," said Brian. "It will be a great job, they'll pay me for read books and write my thoughts on them!"

"What if you have to read a Stephanie Meyer book?" asked Chris.

"Oh, come on, I don't know why people bash Stephanie Meyer and Twilight so much! Sure, she has her flaws, but there are far worse writers there!" Meg complained.

"Really? Name one," Peter said in a haughty tone.

"Karen Traviss."

"...touché. I need a beer," said Peter before opening the fridge for a beer.

"People, we're going off track," said Brian, trying to caught their attention again. "I'm not finished yet. Well, now that I have a job, I talked with Jillian about something that we've been put off after now, and..." Brian paused for additional dramatic effect. "...we decided to marry!"

"Oh my god! That's great!" said Lois in joy, hugging Brian.

"It was about time too," said Matt. "You guys have been together for a lot of time, and you even have kids."

"Which also means that after the wedding, I'm going to move out, but this time for sure," said Brian.

Peter was taking a sip from a can of beer when Brian said this, and suddenly spat beer all over Lois.

"PETER WHAT THE HELL?" asked Lois, angered.

"Sorry Brian, I didn't hear you, what did you say?" asked Peter, before taking another sip.

"I say that I won't be living here anymore," Brian repeated.

Peter spat beer over Lois again, but this time Lois kicked him across the kitchen.

"So, did you find a place to live already?" asked Meg.

"Yes, I'm going to move to Jillian's apartment. I'll sleep with Jillian, so there's no need of a new room," Brian explained.

"What?" asked Peter. "But...but...you can't do that!"

"Why not?" asked Matt. "In fact, it would be the most fitting, don't you think so?"

"No! I mean, Brian can't go! We've been best friends since forever! Like Sonic and Tails! Like Mario and Luigi! Like Anakin and Obi-Wan!"

"Peter, Anakin turned to the dark side and killed Obi-wan, remember?" Brian pointed out.

"Not in the fanfiction I'm writing," said Peter, turning away. "Anyway, Brian doesn't have to go. He's been living here when Jillian got the kids, and everything has been fine."

"Yes, but I didn't plan on living here forever," said Brian. "Listen Peter, I truly appreciate you letting me to live here for so many years, but it's about time I start my own life."

"Oh really? Well, maybe if I can't convince you to stay, maybe the Dragonzord will!" Peter said angrily as he pulled from his pocket the Dragon Dagger and played it like a flute.

Upon doing it, the Dragonzord emerged from the water near the Quahog Harbor, letting out a powerful roar. The mighty zord then walked through Quahog until arriving at Spooner Street, and teared off the upper floor of the Griffin house so they could see him.

"See Brian, you can't leave Peter, that's not what a friend does, especially after all what he did for you," the Dragonzord said. "In fact, I remember when Tommy ditched me for that shitty white tiger. That wasn't something nice to do."

"Sorry, but I'm going to move with Jillian, and I won't change my mind," Brian stated firmly.

The Dragonzord looked at Peter, and shrugged. "Sorry pal, I tried." He then placed the second floor of the house back and returned to the sea.

"You...you...jerk!" Peter yelled childishly, and stormed off in anger. Everybody stared at each other, until Lois said:

"You have to forgive him. You guys know that Peter doesn't take changes too well..."

**Flashback**

Peter is on the couch watching TV.

"From now onwards, The X-Files moves from 8:00 PM to 9:00 PM. Don't miss it!" the TV announcer said.

"I love the X-Files, but I'm not watching that show again EVER!" said Peter angrily.

**End Flashback**

Later, at the drunken Clam, Peter is having a beer with his buddies Quagmire, Cleveland and Joe.

"Hey Peter, everything okay? You look gloom," Joe said.

"Yeah, you barely touched your beer," Cleveland pointed out.

"Brian is moving out," Peter said, sadly caressing the mouth of his bottle with his index finger. "He and his bimbo girlfriend are getting married, and he'll leave soon."

"Well, I wish I could tell you that I know how it feels to have your pet getting married and moving out, but I don't think anybody here can," said Quagmire with a shrug. "But you can look it at the bright side. You won't have to pay for his stuff anymore."

"Yeah, but Brian's been with us like forever," Peter said, sighed, and continued. "I wish it was one of my children who leave my place instead of Brian."

"Man, that's a terrible thought," Joe said in disgust. "But by no means surprising." Cleveland and Quagmire nodded in agreement.

"But...what can I do? I don't want Brian to leave!"

"Listen Peter, even if it's not exactly the same, I know that someday Cleveland Junior will go to college, and I'll have to say goodbye," Cleveland started. "But until that happens, I try to spend time with my son as much as I can, so we have fond memories of each other when he finally leaves. Maybe you should do the same, and spend your last days with Brian and make him feel how important he is for you."

Peter snapped, his eyes grew wide and a smile spread through his face. "...or I could destroy his relationship with Jillian so he doesn't have to leave! Thanks Cleveland, you're a genius!" said Peter before rushing out of the bar.

"I think I'm going to stop sharing my advice with Peter," Cleveland mentioned after Peter left.

Joe then looked at the camera, and said: "Oh, and if you haven't figured out yet, this is a Peter chapter."

"So if you want to stop reading," Quagmire continued, addressing the reader as well. "Nobody will blame you."

A few moments passed, and Cleveland spoke.

"Still here? Alright, enjoy the rest of the chapter."

…

Later, Peter arrived at the Griffin household, where he found Brian casually talking with Matt and Lois while they both watched TV.

"Oh, here you are," said Peter to Brian. "Listen, you can't marry Jillian!"

"And here we go again," said Brian, rolling his eyes. "Okay, surprise me: why not?"

"Well, she's been with a lot of men before meeting you and before you two reconciled some months ago. I'm sure that she'll have more STDs than Quagmire!"

"Considering that Brian had its own good share of one night stands, and the fact that he's a dog, I'd be more worried about Jillian," Matt casually commented.

"Thanks Matt," said Brian, then Matt's word sink in. "Hey!"

"Come on Brian, Jillian isn't the right girl for you! You barely have anything in common!" Peter said angrily.

"Peter, drop it. This isn't about Jillian_,_"Lois interjected. "You'll be doing this regardless of the kind of woman Brian would marry. What's wrong with you?"

"I just care about my friend," Peter said, crossing his arms.

"No Peter, you just care about yourself, like you always do," Matt said. "Besides, Brian is old enough to make his own choices."

But Peter wasn't going to give up, and kept coming up with reasons of why Brian shouldn't leave. From upstairs, Stewie and Rosie were listening the heated argument.

"You know what's funny?" Rosie asked his uncle. "I always thought that it would be you and not grandpa who would make a fuss of Brian leaving."

"Me? Why?" the baby genius asked his niece, grimacing at the thought.

"Well, you and Brian were pretty close from what I heard, and used to do a lot of things together, even going on adventures across the world."

"Well, that's true," Stewie said with a shrug. "But things changed after Meg got that book, you were born and Brian started dating Jillian again."

"I also heard that you developed over time an almost obsessive dependence on Brian, and that you were even in love with him."

"...that's sick on so many levels that nobody with my sense of humor would find it funny," Stewie said in disgust. "That sounds even worst than those new video game movies!"

**Cutaway**

(As usual with movie trailers, italics is the narrator)

We see a fat woman looking herself in the mirror right before bursting into tears.

_Jenny never liked her body. She tried every miracle diet she found on the internet, and followed all the advices to lose weight from the magazines._

The scene changes to another woman giving Jenny a wrapped box.

_But things will change soon..._

Jenny unwraps the present, and see that it's a Wii with the Wii Fit game.

_A woman. A video game console with more features than a regular console, and a quest to get a perfect body and charm the boy of her dreams..._

There's a montage of Jenny using the Wii Fit and she slowly starts to lose weight.

_In a time of darkness, depression and lots of junk food, a brave woman will stand up and change the things forever..._

_Wiii Fit: The movie. Coming soon._

**End Cutaway**

Later, the Griffins, Kennedys and Russells were at a bridal shop in the Quahog mall, trying on tuxedos and dresses for the upcoming wedding.

"So, how do I look in this one?" asked Brian, wearing a black tuxedo with a blue tie and a red handkerchief.

"You look stunning," Meg gushed. "I like it!"

"Yeah, it fits you like a glove," Lois added. "What do you think, Peter?"

"...yeah, looks good," Peter said halfheartedly. Lois glared daggers at him.

Rosie and Maya, wearing little dresses, walked to them.

"And now, Brian, are you ready to see..." Rosie began.

"...your future wife!" Maya finished as she and Rosie unveiled the curtain of a changing room. There was Jillian, wearing a gorgeous strapless white wedding dress that showed a good deal of cleavage.

"So, how do I look?" Jillian said, giggling.

"You look marvelous, dear!" Lois said, taking a good look at her.

"Totally! Don't you think so, guys?" asked Meg.

"Of course!" said Matt.

"Yes, you look simply perfect!" Brian gushed at the sight of his fiancee.

"...Meh. I've seen hotter brides," Peter said in the same mood. Lois couldn't take it anymore.

"Peter, why don't you show more enthusiasm?" Lois scolded. "Your best friend it's going to marry! You should be happy!"

"Oh look at me, I'm super happy, wohoo, and another wohoo. That's enough enthusiasm for you?" Peter snapped sarcastically.

Lois frowned even more, but Meg placed a hand on her shoulder. "Forget about it, mom. Come on, let's find some dresses for us."

"Why is Peter so mad all of sudden? It's because my dress looks much better on me than him?" asked Jillian, scratching his head.

"Don't worry, Jillian. Come on, let's find a nice flower bouquet," said Brian as he took her out of the bridal shop.

Peter fumed as he saw his best friend and his future wife disappearing from sight.

"_Stupid Jillian," _Peter thought in anger. _"Thinks she can come here and take my best friend away from me. And that dress looked on her much better than it would look on me, I'm so jealous. If only I could find a way of making Brian and Jillian to break up...hey, I got an idea!"_

Later, we see Peter coming out of...a Mexican Restaurant, wiping his mouth off with a napkin.

"Oh, I loved that burrito. I haven't eaten one since forever. Okay, now it's time to find a way to stop that wedding...hey, I gone another idea, I'm on a streak!" He pulled out his cellphone, and dialed Quagmire's number. "Hey, Quagmire? Can we use your house for...?"

Some hours later, after buying all the dresses and tuxedos for the wedding, everybody is watching TV in the couch when Peter walks in.

"Hey, Brian, can I talk with you?" Peter asked.

"Listen Peter, I don't want to hear you say any-" Brian snapped.

"No no no no, it's not that," Peter said, raising his hands in defense. "I just want to tell you that I'm sorry of how I behaved after you announced your wedding with Jillian."

"Well, that's something nice to hear," Brian said with a smile. "Thank you."

"Oh, but that's not all! Since I've been so mean, I wanted to do something for you as a way to make things up: a bachelor party!"

"What? Um, Peter, I appreciate it, but I don't think-"

"Come on, it will be fun! Can't you spend your last hours of bachelorhood with your best friend?" Peter asked.

"You should go, bachelor parties are always fun," said Lois.

"Yeah, I still remember the bachelorette party mom and my friends threw for me, and I had the time of my life," Meg said.

"You had a bachelorette party?" asked Matt incredulous.

"The point is, you should go," said Meg, ignoring her husbands' question.

"Um, okay, Guess that a bit of fun won't be harmful," said Brian.

"That's the spirit! Now let's go!" Peter said before he and his canine friend left the Griffin house.

"Meg you didn't answer me! What kind of party did you have?" asked Matt again.

...

Peter and Brian went to Quagmire house, since it was there where the bachelor party would take place. Quagmire was more than happy to lend his house for such event, even if it was for something he wasn't fond of, like Brian. Upon entering, they saw that the party already started. At the party were Quagmire (obviously, since it was his house), Joe, Cleveland, Mort Goldman, Mayor Adam West, Seamus, Dr. Hartman, Carter Pewterschmidt and lots of beautiful and young women.

"Hey everybody, look who's here!" said Peter cheerfully pointing at Brian, and everybody cheered loudly. Brian, however, fell uncomfortable in presence of so many gorgeous babes.

"Peter, I don't know if coming was a good idea..." Brian stammered.

"Come on, it will be fun! Besides, you can't leave after all these people threw a party for you!" said Peter, before handing him a bottle of beer. "Or maybe you'll see everything from a different point of view with some alcohol."

"Oh well, guess that I worry too much," said Brian, taking the beer.

As Brian started to drink, he started to set at ease, and made small talk with some of the women. However, as he kept drinking (upon Peter's suggestion) he started to lose control of himself, and he finally made out with some of the women there. Peter, who planned it all along, took some pictures with his cell phone.

"Now I only need to send these to Jillian, and there won't be any wedding! Peter Griffin, you're a genius!"

The next day, after the party was over, Brian woke up late and with a terrible hangover. He walked to the kitchen, and saw Peter there, drinking some coffee.

"Hello Brian. Want some coffee?" Peter chimed.

"Yeah, I think I need it. Ugh, my head hurts," Brian moaned as he rubbed his temple. "Guess that I drank too much. Well, I hope I didn't make a fool of myself at the party, because I can't remember anything."

"Oh, don't worry. You didn't anything you would regret," said Peter slyly.

Brian frowned at this. "Why are you telling me this? Did I do something I'm going to regret? Is that?"

"Of course not!"

"But you just implied that I did something I would regret!"

"No, I said that you didn't do anything that you would regret, which is completely different from saying that you did something you would regret and...I don't think this is making any sense."

"And you came up to that conclusion all by yourself? I'm impressed," Brian stated flatly. Suddenly, his cell phone rang. "Oh, look, it's Jillian. Hello Jilly-bean, how are-what? What? Of course I didn't! What do you mean that you have pictures? But that's not-no, please, let me talk to you and-will you let me talk? WHAT? No, you can't do that! They're my children too! Jillian! Jillian?"

Brian hung up. The look on his face was crestfallen. Peter knew that his plan had succeeded, but the look on Brian's face made him feel bad.

"Hey buddy, everything okay? What happened?" Peter asked.

"Jillian...she told me that she saw a video in youtube of myself making out with several girls at Quagmire's party. He doesn't want to see me again, and won't let me see Kyle and Maya again," he then looked at Peter and said: "Peter...do you know something?"

Peter started to stammer: "Uh sorry, I don't remember anything either. Too much beer, you know."

Brian sighed. "I knew it. Whenever I'm happy, the universe always conspires to make me miserable again. I found a beautiful girl that loved me and two precious children...and I lost everything because I was unable to control myself at a stupid party..."

"Come on Brian, I know that you feel down right now, but give it some time. One day, you'll forget about her."

"How can you say that?" Brian angrily snapped at his best friend. "How can I forget the woman who is the mother of my children, not to mention the children themselves?"

"Well, you forgot about Tracy and Dylan pretty fast," Peter said quickly.

"Touché," Brian said. "But this isn't the same. I finally got almost everything I wanted...and lost it in the last second. This is the story of my life."

With a sad gasp, Brian left the kitchen, while Peter was left fighting guilt.

"_He'll get over it,"_ Peter thought in a vain attempt of relieving himself. _"He'll be plowing another dumb girl in less than-"_

But Peter's thoughts were interrupted by a loud gunshot. From upstairs, he could hear his wife yelling "OH MY GOD! BRIAN KILLED HIMSELF!"

The next day, after Brian's funeral, after everybody left, Peter was still standing in front of his grave.

"I'm sorry Brian," he said. Peter was very sad, but couldn't bring himself to cry. "I...this is all my fault. I...even you've been living with us for a few years, it felt like you've been there since forever. You were my best friend...no, even more than a friend, always there to help me...and my family I didn't want to lose you but in the end...I lost you for good. Lois was right. I was only thinking in myself, not you."

Suddenly, noises started to come from Brian's grave. Peter gasped in terror, and let out a scream upon seeing the zombie of Brian coming back to life.

"Peter...you killed me..." zombie Brian moaned. "AND NOW I'M GOING TO KILL YOU IN RETURN!"

Peter screamed as the undead dog jumped at his throat. Peter struggled to get rid of the zombie dog and screamed, until he finally woke up.

"Oh...my...god," Peter said, gasping. He was covered in sweat. "It was a nigthmare. Just a nightmare. Brian didn't die! I'm happier than Spongebob at work!"

**Cutaway**

We see Spongebob working on the Krusty Krab as usual, cooking some Crabby Patties.

"Oh, I love my job, there's no way it could be any better!" Spongebob gushed.

"Spongebob!" Mr. Krabs shouted as he burst in the kitchen. "From now onwards, and since I'm such a exploitative douchebag, you'll be working twice the hours for half the salary!"

"Oh, I was wrong, it got even better!"

**End Cutaway**

Peter then realized that he wasn't in his bed, but in the couch, his legs covered in a blanket. He got of the couch, and his confusion grew even more, since the living room was completely different. There was different furniture, but what most shocked Peter were the pictures: there wasn't any picture of him or his family. His wedding picture with Lois was replaced with a wedding picture of Brian and Jillian, and there were pictures of Kyle and Maya instead of Meg, Chris and Stewie . There was, however, a picture in which he appeared, along with Brian, both with a bottle of beer in hand.

"What the hell is this?" Peter asked. "Where am I?"

Suddenly, there was a flash of light, and two familiar figures appeared before him, one holding a scythe and wearing a black cloak, and the other wearing a white robe and a crown of flowers.

"You're in an alternate timeline, Peter," Life said.

"This is another near-death experience," Death explained.

"Really? What happened?" asked Peter, worried. "I don't remember anything!"

"Well, it's a long story so I'll say that it all started when, at Quagmire's party, you tried to change a light-bulb after having one too many."

"Anyway, we're here to make you realize that you have to let Brian go," Life said. "What you saw before was a possible outcome of what would happen if you tried to sabotage his relationship with Jillian."

"And this," Death continued. "It's an alternate reality in which Brian is the family guy, and you're the friend with no family who lives with him. Now let's go where all it began..."

Death snapped his fingers, and teleported Peter, Life and himself to another location. It was downtown Quahog. A younger Peter was walking down the street when he saw a building in flames.

"You see, this is the moment when you and Brian met for first time," Life explained.

"_Help! Help!" Brian voice's came from inside the burning building. "For God's sake, somebody help me!"_

"_Don't worry, I'll save you!" said the younger Peter in an over the top heroic manner. He entered in the burning building, and saw Brian trapped under a joist._

"_Help me! I'm trapped here!" Brian pleaded._

"_Don't worry, now that I'm here, everything will be okay!" said Peter. Peter then let out a fart, making the flames to grow._

"Wow, you just entered the building and accelerated Brian's death. Really helpful," Death said before Life elbowed him.

However, Peter was able to free Brian and take him seconds before the building completely collapsed.

"Here, you never met Lois, and thus never created a family, but Brian did met Jillian. After the fire, Brian bought the 31st Spooner Street house with the insurance money, moved there with Jillian, and invited you to live with him as a way to thank you for saving his life."

"After that, Brian and Jillian got Kyle and Maya, like in your continuity," Life said. "Also, you were jobless for years, so Brian also had to support you economically."

"Man, this sucks!" Peter protested. "But how not meeting Lois made me into such a loser?"

"You may not realize of it, but Lois is a very important moral support for you. Without her, you were unable to maintain any job. Also, none of the women you met had Lois' extremely low standards regarding men, and thus none of your relationships lasted more than a week."

"Aw man, that's awful! So here I'm a jobless, lonely loser while Brian has a job and a family! This isn't fair!" Peter protested as he stomped on the ground childishly.

"Well, that's how Brian feels all the time, Peter," Life said, placing a hand on his shoulder. "He always had to live under your shadow, seeing how you got everything he desired."

"In fact, that's why he wanted to bang Lois so badly," Death continued. "He was jealous of you, and in his psyche, Lois represented all what he wanted."

"And now, after meeting Jillian and forming a family, he finally feels that he's stepping out of your shadow, and got all what he wanted without harming you."

"Geez, I...didn't think in that," Peter admitted.

"Well, you don't think most of the time, " Death said with a shrug.

"I thought that, since Brian got a house and food for free, maybe he was happy..."

"Peter, Brian (and everybody, by the way) needs more than that to be happy, such as loved ones or a sense of self-realization," said Life.

"I see...well, I'm still not letting that wedding to happen!" Peter said firmly. Death face-palmed and Life opened his eyes wide.

"Man, after all what you have seen, you didn't realize of anything at all? Are you kidding us?"

"...yes!" Peter said with a wide grin. "And you fell for it like complete morons! Hehehehehehe!"

Life glared daggers at him, but she simply kicked Peter in the ankle with all her strength. Peter fell to the floor and grabbed his ankle.

"SHHHHHHHH... AHHHHHHHH! SHHHHHHHHHHHH... AHHHHHHHHH! SHHHHHHHHHH... AHHHHHHHHHH!"

"Ugh, not that gag again," Death said in annoyance. "Let's wake him up before the giant chicken appears."

Peter suddenly woke up. He was again the couch. Worried, he stood up, and was relieved to see that it was the very same home he lived in.

"Oh, you're awake?" asked Lois, walking in. "I knew that I shouldn't let you go to that party. You guys can't control yourselves when you see some booze!"

"Where's Brian?" asked Peter.

"In the bathroom, having a shower, still dizzy from the hangover," Lois told him. "What the hell did you two do? Brian can't even remember anything."

"I don't know either. Guess it was wawild party!" Peter said cheerfully. Lois shook her head, and left.

Alone again, Peter checked his cell phone, and saw all the pictures he made of Brian that could destroy his relationship with Jillian if that blonde saw them. This time, however, decided to delete them.

The next month it was Brian and Jillian's wedding. They got married in the backyard of the Griffin house, the same place where his cousin Jasper got married too. Peter was Brian's best man, and Lois, Meg, Rosie, Sophie and Maya were the bridesmaids. After the wedding they had another huge party at the Griffin house, a party that wasn't just to celebrate Brian and Jillian's marriage, but also as a farewell party to Brian.

"Hey Brian," Meg approached the dog. "You still didn't see my wedding gift." Meg handed Brian a small wrapped box. Brian unwrapped it, and it was a glowing, green potion.

"Uhmmm...what is this?" asked the confused dog.

"It's a special potion I've been working on," said Meg. "If you drink it, your life will be prolongued over thirty five or forty years, so you can enjoy a long life with Jillian, and see your kids grow."

"Oh Meg, I...I have no words for this..." Brian said, shedding tears of pure joy and emotion, and hugged Meg.

"Besides, we don't want to lose you that soon either," said Meg, hugging him back. "Okay, now let's enjoy the party!"

…

Te next day, Brian has already packed his scant belongings in two backpacks, and was ready to go. The whole family had gathered to say goodbye.

"Well, guess that this is it," Brian said. "I'm not good at this so...does somebody want to say something before Jillian picks me up?"

"Yes," said Chris. "Since you aren't taking your ca with you...can I have it?"

Brian frowned. "Man, I'm going to leave this house forever, and that's all what you have to say?"

"Well, it's not that we have such a great relationship," Chris said, crossing his arms.

"...okay, you can have it," said Brian, tossing the keys at Chris.

"Yay!"

"But Chris, you can't drive. You are just 14, and don't have a license," Matt said.

"Don't deprive me of my joy!" Chris angrily shouted.

"Peter, Lois," Brian was about to say his final farewell. "Thanks...for everything. Without you, I can't even imagine how my life would have been...hell, maybe I would be dead right now. Anyway, thanks a lot for giving me a home all these years. I'll find a way to repay you."

"You don't have to, Brian. You're part of this family, and will always be," said Lois.

A car outside honked its horn.

"That's Jillian! Well, gotta go. Tomorrow we will go to France for our honeymoon!" Brian gushed.

"Hey, remember our agreement! You'll come to eat with us every Sunday, okay?" Peter asked.

"Don't worry about that," was the last thing Brian said before leaving the Griffin house. When he was at mid distance between the Griffin house and Jillian's car, he turned back, to take one last look at the place which was his home for the past four years. He then sighed, got on Jillian's car, and left Spooner Street.

"WAIT!" Stewie screamed, coming out of the house, totally hysteric. "DON'T GO BRIAN! THAT SKANK DOESN'T LOVE YOU AS MUCH AS I DO! BRIAN, COME BACK!"

"I knew it," Rosie said with a completely smug expression.

**End Chapter**

**Mini Fanmail**

"Welcome, dear readers, to the very last fanmail of the story," Meg announced. "But don't worry, that doesn't mean that the story is over yet. Okay, let's go with the last letters of the season. First question id from wolf 325, and its for the author!"

_wolf325 asks:what made you come up with the spell book in the first place ?_

I was inspired by Meg's Boyfriend/Family, and a picture in deviantart of Meg dressed as a witch.

"Let's go to our next letter, from aldovas, and it's for the author too!" said Lois.

_Aldovas asks:in the actual show, Kevin Swanson will return, are you planning to introduce him in your story? _

No. There is simply no place for him in this story. Hell, there were many characters I wanted to use before Kevin but was unable to (Chris, for example)

"Here is our next letter, from CrowTheNecromancer," said Brian.

_CrowTheNecromancer asks:_

_Meg:Have you ever try using your powers to summon supernatural entites?_

"No, I'm afraid of the result. Remember what happened with Miriam, and I ddin't even summon her!" Meg said.

_Rosie:What new spells and abilities do you think you'll have in the future?_

"Lots of them! I'd like to control plants like Daohne does. But I also seek to improve the abilities I know. "

_Lois:What on Earth convinced you into marring Peter?_

"I think that I answered that question already, but the reasons is that he was the only man he loved me for what I am instead of seeing me as a way to get rich easily,"said Lois

_Chris:Whats your favorite art style._

"Yay, I got a question from a fan!" Chris cheered. "Well, I don't have too much idea of art, I just...draw what I like."

"Our next letter is from KaileyDawn21, who has a good bunch of questions to ask!" said Matt.

_KaileyDawn21 asks:_

_I always wondered if your OCs were real characters on the show,who would be their voice actors _

I don't know english voice actors, so guess that I can't answer that.

_Rosie: can you give Flare this bag of bird seeds? _

"Yes, but Flare prefers meat," Rosie said. Flare then cawed. "Yes, and italian food."

_Stewie: I dare you to make the most badass robot!_

"Uh, that's not a question," Stewie said, scratching the back of his head. "But challenge accepted!"

_Peter: Can you lick you elbow while hopping on your right leg and without you glasses?(Bet you couldn't do that!) _

"That's what you think? Well, look at me!" Peter tried to lick his elbow hopping on his right leg without his glasses, but he loses balance and trips over the couch.

"Well, I hope that amused somebody," Rosie said.

"You can bet it did," Stewie said, holding his laughter.

_Lois: how do feel about your personality in Family Guy as of late?_

"Well, not very proud," said Lois. "I hope I never become like that on this story."

_Brian and Jillian: if you decide to have another child in the future,what would it's name be?  
_

"Well, I always liked the name Holly," said Jillian. "It's a really cute name!"

"If it was a boy, I'll name him Steve, for Steve Jobs, the computer genius, and Steven Spielberg, the best movie director ever," Brian said.

_Miriam: how do you feel about the fact you lost to two toddlers?_

"Humiliated, of course! But this had given me the resolution I needed to plunge this world into the worst of chaos and disaster, just wait and see!" the french witch threatened.

_Meg: how do you feel about being loved by all your fans?_

"It feels great! After all the abuse I get on the show and other fanfics, it's good to know that there are people who supports you," Meg gushed.

_Chris: how long do you think you and Zoe will be together?_

"Well, I hope we will be together as much as possible," Chris replied.

"There's something with the letter," Meg said, opening a box. "It's an apple pie for Peter, and a chocolate cake for the rest of us, yay!"

"That apple pie needs some cool w_h_ip," Stewie said. Brian rolled his eyes and slapped him in the back of the neck. "Ow! What was that for?"

"Alright, next letter," Rosie said.

_Datazeroone asks: hey Meg and Matt, when are you guys gonna face the most evil and ruthless villan ever? I mean come on, we all read your heroics and there must be something dangerous right?  
_

"Well, we heard that Miriam has something pretty horrible prepared for us in the finale," said Matt. "Just wait and see."

"Here we have a letter from Loessar!" said Chris, opening the letter. "Aw, it's for Meg..."

_Loessar asks:Have you thought of using your talents again for bird calling and playing the drums again? Also, have you considered using your powers to change a persons' personality like Connie? _

"Nah, I'm pretty happy learning magic, swimming at school working for Daphne in the greenhouse and raising Rosie. And no, I don't think that's too ethical," Meg answered.

"Here we have a letter from Hotstreak, and it's for me!" said Brian, reading the letter.

_Hotstreak asks: dear Brian have you ever considered running for president? _

"Nah, I don't think anybody would vote for me. Besides, I don't think I'm qualified for such responsibility."

"Here we have a letter from Akela Victoire, one of our newest readers!" said Peter.

_Akela Victoire asks:_

_What do you guys think of Winx Club? _

"Oh, it's my favorite show, I watch it whenever I can! My favorite character is Musa, but I also like Tecna and Stella. Oh, I also get some great ideas for spells too!" Rosie gushed, excited.

_If Hogwarts was real, would you want to go and if so, what House do you think you'd be in? _

"Well, guess that I'll go to Griffindor. _Griffin-_dor, do you get it?" Meg joked.

"Anywhere but Hufflepuff. Nobody know those guys," said Lois with a shrug.

"Ravenclaw. There's a lot of interesting people there, like Luna Lovegood!" said Rosie.

"Slytherin, of course, the most powerful house!" Miriam said.

"...what's a Hogwarts?" Jillian asked, confused.

"And here we go our last letter from CMRosa, and boy, there's a lot of questions here!" said Meg.

_CMRosa asks:_

_Lois: did you know that Bob Funland the guy Peter called a loser in A Picture's Worth a Thousand Bucks was called that by Peter because he was mourning the death of his mother?  
_

"No, but I'm not a bit surprised," said Lois, rolling her eyes.

_Meg: remember when you and your family did that reality show in Fifteen Minutes of Shame, did your family get any money for that show?  
_

"Yes, but dad blew it up in two days," said Meg with a gruntle.

_Meg: remember in The Story on Page One where Adam West reveals he has spent $150,000 of the tax payers' money investigating the disappearing water, and how he will keep on even if it will cost the tax payers a million, have you ever got the post that story in the school paper?  
_

"Sadly, no."

_Lois: remember in A Very Special Family Guy Freakin' Christmas where you snap, in a parody of the "wire hangers" scene from Mommie Dearest. She screams at the family about how difficult it is to ensure that Christmas happens without a hitch, then runs from the ruined house on a rampage over paper towel, did you find out that you had paper towels?_

"No, since they shot me with a tranquilizer rifle," said Lois.

_Lana Lockhart: I was wondering why did you want your husband die and what happen to that bear?_

"A bunch of hunters killed the bear," Mrs. Lockhart said. "What a pity..."

_Meg have you every thought of having a comeback on your music career?_

"Given that I became a total bitch when I became a pop singer no, I don't." Said Meg.

_Lois: remember in Jungle Love where you yells out "Freshman!" to lure over other students why you do that?_

"I don't know, honestly. Guess that I felt sadistic that day," said Lois.

_Meg: remember in Jungle Love where at the end you where riddled by darts and arrows and left behind, how did you escape South America?  
_

"I was rescued by Nathan Drake. He was a really nice guy, by the way," Meg said.

_Meg: remember in Untitled Griffin Family History where you where arrested at the end, what happen after that did you go to jail or were the charges drop?  
_

"Yes, the charges were dropped, thankfully," said Meg.

_Jillian: if you find out Brian had sex with another women what would you do?_

"I'll have sex with another man. That way, we would be even!" said Jillian, crossing her arms.

_Brian: it was shown in No Chris Left Behind Deleted scenes you were the guy Lois was with in the car, did you have sex with her?  
_

"No."

_Meg: if Kevin Swanson got back in your life what would you think, it look like you really like him and he like you would you condsider him a friend?  
_

"Yeah, we were friends before, so I don't see why not," Meg said with a shrug.

_Meg and Matt: if anything happen to you two who would you trust to take care of Rose, Meg parents or Matt parents?_

"Matt's parents, of course," said Meg.

"Gee, thanks for trusting us so much," said Lois, tickled off.

"It's not you Lois, but Peter," said Matt. "You're a wonderful mother."

"Oh, thank you!"

"Well, that was all. Thank you fro your questions, and don't miss the grand finale!" said Rosie.

**End Fanmail**

**Author's note: Okay, so I hope you enjoyed this chapter and the fanmail. Since you probably know, this was the last "normal" chapter, since the next chapters will be the multi-parter grand finale. Don't miss it! I plan to include many characters that haven't appeared on this story for ages, like Bruce, Natahlie, Zoe, and more! Not to mention the epic fights and battles I'm planning to do...**

**It took me a lot to finish this chapter, mostly because I don't like writing for Peter, but I wanted to do at least one chapter in hwich Peter and Brian¡s friendship is explored. In the end, I liked the result, and I hope that you did, too. Anyway, dont' forget to review, even if I won't be taking questions anymore, and thanks a lot for reading!  
**


	52. The Chaos of Magic, Part I

**Chapter 52: The Chaos of Magic, Part I**

**Author's note: Man, it's been a long time since I started writring this story three and a half years ago. But like Nelly Furtado's song says, all good things come to and end, and it's about time for this story to end. However, you won't be disappointed with the grand finale (at least I hope so), since there will be lots of epic fights scenes, as well as Family Guy's trademark humor as well. Anyway, here it is the beginning of the end of the Spellbook, just a small sample of what I have in store. Enjoy.  
**

It was a normal day in Quahog, and the Griffin family was in the living room watching TV when...oh, you know what? Screw this. I always open every chapter with the Griffins doing something mundane. So, since this is the beginning of the Grand Finale of this story, let's be more original, so...what if we start with some action? Okay, here we go again...

It was a normal day in Quahog, and Meg, Lois and Jillian were fighting a huge green muck monster that was terrorizing the city. The three witches were using all their power to fight this foe, but it was much stronger than it looked.

"Boy, this guy is tough!" said Meg, panting.

"And it smells really, really bad!" Jillian complained while covering her nose.

"Leave it to me," Lois said, stepping forward. She summoned a large wave of water that crashed against the disgusting monster. "It's about time to clean this city!"

"Oh, talk about cleaning while using a water spell," Meg said, rolling her eyes. "Really witty."

"I know, right?" Jillian said, impressed, while Lois glared at her daughter.

Lois' attack didn't harm the monster too much. The living mass of garbage and sewer water opened its large mouth, exhaling a toxic breath against Lois, that almost suffocated her. The redheaded witch crawled away from the monster, coughing and her eyes watering. To cover her mother, Meg cast some fireballs at the monster, but it didn't harm it either.

"Jillian, I need some help over here!" Meg asked.

"Don't worry! I think that this is the perfect opportunity to try the new spell I created!" Jillian said proudly.

"You created an spell by yourself? Wow Jillian, I'm certainly impressed."

Jillian waved her hands in a circle, and golden sparks started to surround her in spectacular fashion...and nothing happened.

"Your spell didn't work! It didn't harm the monster!"

"Harm the monster? But this spell was to make me look prettier! Those sparkles made me look prettier, didn't they?"

"Jillian, focus!" Meg yelled angrily.

"Okay, okay, don't get angry," Jillian said raising her hands in defense. She prepared another spell, but this time it would be something useful. Golden particles began to gather between her hands forming a glowing sphere of energy, then the blond witch cast the sphere forward, releasing a devastating energy beam that blew up the monster into several pieces of mud. However, all the mud puddles merged into each other, reforming the sludge monster.

"Sorry, I tried my best," Jillian said, mildly crestfallen.

"It's okay Jillian. But we need to think a way to finish this monster off before we run out of energy!"

"I know. It's so yucky and disgusting...just like that filth that accumulates in the corners of the bathroom...too bad that we couldn't simply use some bathroom cleaner with it..."

Both Meg and Lois stared at Jillian in awe.

"What? Did I say something wrong?" the ditzy blonde asked, scratching the back of her head.

"Jillian...you're a a genius!" Lois beamed.

"Really? That's so nice of you to say!"

"Mom, Jillian, hold the monster for a minute, I'll be right back!" said Meg. Lois nodded, since she knew what Meg was going to do. Jillian didn't know what was going on, but kept fighting the monster.

Moments later, Meg returned carrying lots of bottles of bathroom cleaners, opened them and dropped its content on the floor. Upon Meg's command, the three witches used their telekinesis to hurl all the bathroom cleaners at the muck monster, and this time, it worked, since the monster let out yowls of pain.

"Okay, it's time for you to return to the sewer!" said Meg. She motioned her index and middle finger forward, which were crackling with electricity, and cast a powerful lightning that blew the monster up into lots of tiny puddles of mud, but this time, it didn't regenerate.

"And another job well done," said Meg, high fiving Lois and Jillian. "Come on, let's go back home."

"Fighting monsters is hard and dangerous, but I'm starting to like it, it's really fun," said Jillian. "No wonder why Superheroes do it so often!"

**Cutaway**

We see a bunch of superheroes in what it looks to be Alcoholics Annonymous.

"Hello, my name is Superman...and I'm addict to fighting crime," Superman said.

"Hello, Superman," the rest of the heroes said.

"So, Superman, why don't you share your experiences with us? How fighting crime changed your life for the worst?" the sponsor of the meeting said.

"Well, I started with little things, such as stopping bank robbers and such, but from that, I started to thwart many supervillains' plans, first once or two times per month, but it became more and more regular. I started to been off work at the Daily Planet, Lois divorced me, and I made a lot of enemies. It wasn't until recently when I realized that I couldn't control it."

"Do you see how being a superhero can ruin your life? Now-"

"Hey guys, Darkseid is invading Earth!" Guy Gardner said while bursting in the room.

"WHAT? I'LL STOP HIM NOW!" Superman said, and flied away from the room.

**End Cutaway**

Meanwhile, above Quahog in her floating castle, Miriam was sulking for the failure of his latest plan to destroy Meg and her family forever.

"A monster made of garbage and sewer water, now that was a great idea, sis!" Lorraine said sarcastically.

"I know, right?" Jeanne said.

"Oh, shut up! I don't see you doing better! The last time you went on your own, you failed as well!" Miriam countered.

"Ohhhhhh, burn!" Jeanne chimed.

"I failed once. _Once_. But your plans fail more than Windows Vista!" Lorraine retorted.

"Ohhhhhh, burn!"

"Ugh, what are we doing? If we fight among us, we will never recover what it's us! We need a plan, a good one." Miriam said, rubbing her temples.

"Ohhhhhh, burn!"

"Jeanne, drop it! Why are you saying that all the time?"

"I saw it on TV. It's fun to say that."

"But what are we going to do? Everything we tried failed. I don't know how it's going to be different," Lorraine said, and slumped in a chair.

"No, we didn't try everything. You know, we tried to deceive and manipulate those Griffins, threw monsters and them, all to no avail. It's about time to do something big! Something scary! Something so atrocious that would make Hitler look like Gandhi! " Miriam said. "Girls, this is what we're going to do..."

The very next day Lois woke up early to prepare the breakfast for the family, and when she walked in the kitchen, he was shocked to see so much fog outside that barely nothing could be visible.

"This is weird, yesterday's forecast didn't said that there was going to be such a thick fog," said Lois, who switched on the TV to see if they say something in the news.

**Cutaway to TV**

"Good morning Quahog, I'm Tom Tucker," said Tom.

"And I'm Dianne Simmons," Diane said as usual.

"On today's news, there's a lot of fog over Quahog that for some unexplained reasons our meteorologists were unable to predict, and right now are unable to explain, " Tom said. "It's more than likely that tomorrow their sorry asses will be outta here, right Diane?"

"That's right, Tom," Diane said cheerfully. "We advise not to take the car, since it would be too dangerous to drive with this fog. Hell, you'll better stay at home."

"However, to see how things are going, Ollie Williams is on Downtown Quahog. How are things going, Ollie?"

"I CAN'T SEE ANYTHING!" Ollie yelled.

"Thank you Ollie. And now the sports."

**End Cutaway**

Shortly after, the rest of the Griffins and Kennedys entered in the kitchen.

"Good morning, mom," said Meg.

"Hey Lois, you look worried, something wrong?" Matt asked, noticing his mother-in-law's worry.

"Maybe she finally realized how old and ugly she became. HA!" Stewie said, and raised his hand to hive five Rosie, but the redhead ignored him.

"When I woke up, I saw these weird fog around the house," Lois explained. "And they said on TV that all Quahog is engulfed by this rare fog."

"I know what you mean," said Meg, looking the fog through the window. "This fog isn't normal. Something's going on."

As if on clue, a terrifying roar came from outside, sending chills down everybody's spines.

"My God, what was that?" asked Rosie, clinging to Meg's leg.

"I don't know, but let's abandon the safety of our home and go outside to check it," Peter suggested.

"Yeah, looks like the more reasonable thing to do," Matt said, rolling his eyes.

"I'm glad that you agree with me for once," Peter said while walking out of the kitchen and into the street. The rest followed him.

"Man, I can't see a thing," said Lois, half-closing her eyes to see better through the fog.

"Maybe I can be of some help," said Matt, casting his hands forward, and creating a tornado that temporarily dispelled the fog away, at least in a radius of fifty meters.

"Great idea Matt! Now we can-"

But Meg never finished her sentence, since everybody stared blankly in awe at the creature that lured them out. It was a huge a lion with horns, leather wings sprouting from its back and a snake for a tail. It roared again, spitting a blaze of fire at the same time.

"Oh my! That's a chimera!" Matt said in horror.

"Another monster? This is getting tiresome," Meg said, shaking her head.

"Peter, take the kids inside! Meg, Matt and myself will hold this beast!" Lois quickly said.

"Hey, no woman give me orders!" Peter said in an indignant tone.

"PETER, DO WHAT I TOLD YOU!" Lois yelled at him.

"Okay, okay. Geez, you're touchy today, don't you?" Peter replied before taking Brian, Chris, Stewie and Rosie inside the house.

The chimera tried to incinerate Meg, Lois and Matt with its fire breath, but Lois erected a wall of water that neutralized it. Then it jumped over Matt, but the black haired teen cast a tornado to blow the mythological beast away. Still, this didn't discouraged the winged monster, which elevated a few meters in mid air, and dived at them again. Meg summoned a fireball on each hand, and started to throw many fireballs at the flying beast, which dodged them swiftly. One of the fireballs unfortunately hit Cleveland's house, which broke on the side, revealing that Cleveland was taking a bath.

"Oh damn!" he shouts as his tub begins to slide off, "No no no no no NO NO NO NO NO!" he shouts as the tub then crashes and shatters onto the ground. "Boy, this is getting more ridiculous than all the kryptonite types that appeared in Superman over the years."

**Cutaway**

We see Lex Luthor inside his secret lair, planning his next evil scheme.

"Okay, I need to destroy Superman, but how?" Lex asked, rubbing his chin. "Oh, I know! I can send some mobsters to rob a bank to lure him out, and then expose him to kryptonite to weaken him! Or even better, red kryptonite, and he'll become crazy! Or golden kryptonite, and he'll lose his powers forever! No, I'll use pink kryptonite and turn him gay!"

**End Cutaway**

(Author's note: Yes, pink kryptonite does exist, and turns Superman gay. Go and check it for yourselves if you don't believe me)

Meanwhile, inside the Griffin house, everybody is watching Meg, Lois and Matt fighting against the vicious chimera.

"Boy, I feel so useless, I wish I could be of some help," Chris moaned.

"Don't be such a moron! They're risking their lives while we're safe here," Peter reasoned. "It's much better not help if you can get hurt."

"So, you're putting your own safety over the well being of your loved ones?" Chris asked in shock. "That's so intelligent!"

"I'm sure that monster has something to do with the fog that appeared this morning," said Rosie.

"I think that we all reach that conclusion," Stewie said dryly.

"The fog and that monster are related events? I'd never thought of that," said Chris, scratching the back of his head.

"Ditto," Peter said.

"Oh, why I'm not surprised," said Stewie, rolling his eyes.

"Let's see if they say something on TV," said Rosie, switching the TV on.

**Cutaway**

"Hello, I'm Tom Tucker again in a special news report. After Quahog was surrounded by fog, the police have been receiving many calls claiming that the town was being invaded by monsters," Tom Tucker said. "

"These events, however, have been declared true," Diane continued. "We're hoping for the army to arrive and exterminate these monsters soon."

"Although if the US army is in real life like it's depicted in Hollywood, we're screwed."

**End Cutaway**

"Monsters across the whole town!" Rosie said in horror, before an even more horrible thought crossed his mind. "Oh my God! What about the others? Brian, Jillian, Sophie, Kyle and Maya! They're in danger!"

Rosie was about to rush upstairs, but she was grabbed by the arm by Stewie.

"Wait a minute, where are you going?" asked Stewie.

"It isn't obvious? I'm going to save Brian and the rest," Rosie said while squirming.

"I'm sorry, but it's too dangerous outside, and I can't allow you to die!"

"Do you care for me? Aw, I knew that deep inside, you did have a heart!" Rosie gushed in joy.

"Because if you're killed, there's no way I will appear on this fic anymore."

"Touching," Rosie said, rolling her eyes. "Anyway, I don't care about your ego, I'm going to save my friends, and that's final!"

Rosie then disappeared in a flash of light, and appeared in her bedroom, where Flare was resting. The phoenix looked at his master, and cawed.

"Sophie, Kyle, Maya, Brian and Jillian are in danger! Come on Flare, we have to save them!" Rosie said as she started to stuff her backpack.

Stewie entered in the room. "Hey, I know that I can't dissuade you from leaving, but at least, let me go with you."

"So you can hog the camera some more?"

"No. And fourth wall breaking jokes aside, I'm...I'm..." Stewie stammered, as if what he was trying to say caused him great pain or shame. "I just happen to be fond of Brian and the others as well, okay?"

"Including Sophie?" Rosie said with a sly smile.

"...yes, Sophie included," Stewie said, rolling his eyes.

"Then, let's go," Rosie said, summoning her broomstick. "Come on, I'll give you a ride."

"No, thanks, this time I will fly by myself," said Stewie, pulling out a jetpack out of nowhere. "I'll bring some weapons too."

"Alright, let's go!"

And thus, without their parents consent, Rosie, Stewie and Flare abandoned their home in hopes of rescuing those who were still in danger.

Meanwhile, back at the Griffin front yard, Meg, Lois and Matt managed to scare the chimera away after a long and tedious fight. They were exhausted and lightly bruised, but no less victorious. They went back inside the house.

"So, how it was?" asked Peter.

"Hard, but nothing I couldn't beat," said Meg proudly.

"Mom, on the news said that there are monsters all over Quahog!" Chris said, worried.

"Oh my God! That's terrible!" Lois replied.

Suddenly, there was a knock in the door. Matt went to open, and saw it was Daphne.

"Thanks God you're all safe and sound," said Daphne, entering in the house. "I was worried about you guys."

"Daphne, do you know what's going on?" Matt asked.

"Yes. During these past months, several dimensional vortexes have appeared around Quahog, allowing monsters to invade our world."

"So, that's it? A dimensional portal?" Meg asked.

"Yes, but this one is different. The other portals were small and disappeared shortly afterward. This one is much bigger, and won't close by its own, or at least, that's what I think, and I'm rarely wrong."

"So what are we going to do?" asked Lois. "Find the portal and close it?"

"Exactly."

"Wait, but what's with Brian, Jillian and the rest of our family? They will be defenseless against those monsters!" Lois cried.

After thinking for some moment, Daphne sighed, and said: "I believe we can do both. We'll split into several groups and find them, then we will look for the dimensional rift and close it."

Suddenly, Lois noticed that somebody was missing.

"Hey, where's Stewie?" asked Lois. "And Rosie?"

"They're right he-" Peter was about to say, but realized that they were nowhere to be seen. "They were right here a second ago, I swear!"

Meg rushed upstairs, only to find that neither toddlers were there. Flare was also gone as well.

"Oh no, they're gone!" Meg cried in horror.

"Where could they be?" asked Lois, horrified as well. "If they're outside, they would be an easy prey for those monsters!"

"They took their backpacks," Matt concluded after a short inspection of both rooms. "My guess is that they had the same idea as us and went to find Brian, Sophie and the others."

"Matt, we have to find our little girl!" meg pleaded.

"Ugh, we already had enough problems before," Daphne groaned, and rubbed her eyes. "Okay, this is what we're going to do: Lois, you'll look for Rosie and Stewie, Matt, you'll find your parents and little sister. Meg, you will go to Brian and Jillian's house. Meanwhile, I will look for the dimensional portal."

"Hey, what about us?" asked Peter, pointing at Chris and himself.

"Sorry dad, but without magic, you can't be of any help out there. You'll be safer here," Meg said.

"Well, then give us magic powers then," said Chris.

"Chris, I don't think that's a good idea, dad. Magic isn't that simple, it takes time to learn and..."

"Meg, I think that we'll need as much help as possible," Lois interjected.

"Hey, what about those ninja headbands? You could give us that!" Chris suggested.

"The last time dad used that headband he went mad with power," Meg said dryly.

"But this time I'll make a responsible use of it! Promise!" Peter said, almost pleading.

"...okay, I'll get them."

"Yay! This will be better than that time I was Batman!"

**Flashback**

We see Peter, wearing a straightjacket, in a room inside a mental asylum. Two nurses passed by his room.

"Poor guy, he thinks he's Batman..."

**End Flashback**

After that, the group left the Griffin house, and split in several directions. Matt was alone on his motorbike, and headed towards the apartment where his dad, Lana and Sophie lived. Lois and Peter where on Lois' magic broomstick, and headed to downtown Quahog, hoping they would find the missing babies. Meg and Chris were on Meg's flying broomstick, and headed towards Jillian apartment. And lastly, Daphne began the search of the dimensional rift by herself.

…

Matt's motorbike sped through the deserted and foggy streets of Quahog as fast as it could, while the black haired teen hoped for his family to be alright. The fog wasn't a problem, since he was using his wind powers to dispel the fog ahead of him, allowing him to clearly see the path. After several minutes, he arrived at the apartment block where his dad, sister and future stepmother lived. He left his motorbike on the road and rushed in.

However, when Matt rang the door bell, nobody came to open. He then shouted if somebody was there, but nobody answered. Finally, he broke the door down. And, as he feared, the place was completely empty. Matt cursed loudly, and kicked a chair in rage. He has been late to safe his family.

Then, he heard something. It was a scream. A female scream, to be precise. He opened the window, and this time he not only heard it better, but he also knew where it came from. Matt walked out of the apartment block, and turned around the corner. He finally saw his dad's car being attacked by what it looked a giant insect with huge jaws. He could see his dad, Sophie and Lana inside the car.

"Hey you monster, leave them alone!" Matt yelled, and prepared to fight the oversized insect.

…

Far from there, over the city of Quahog, Meg and Chris were heading towards Jillian's apartment. From below, they could see almost nothing since the entire city was drowned in mist.

"You know, this is like that movie," said Chris. "In which a town is surrounded by fog all of sudden, and monsters start to appear out of nowhere."

"The Mist?" Meg replied.

"Yes, that's it! Well, except that there isn't any fundamentalist nut."

"Maybe people have done that, and they're sheltering on supermarkets and such," Meg mused. "I hope nobody is hurt, since we can't protect everybody."

"Even if you can't see them, there are lots of monsters down there," said Chris. "You can hear them roar and growl. Boy, why all the magic creatures have to be big, scary and full of teeth? Why they can't be cute?"

"Flare is cute," Meg said.

"Guess you're right."

Suddenly, they heard something that didn't come from any living creature. It was an explosion.

"Did you hear that?" Meg asked his brother.

"Yes. Maybe it's the army, fighting the monsters," Chris pondered.

"Oh, don't be so naive, we all know that the army is only going to come when all the trouble is over. Besides, there was also some beams of golden light just like- hey, there it is again!"

"And it came from Jillian's neighborhood!" Chris said.

"Jillian must be fighting against God who knows what. We better hurry and help her."

…

Meanwhile, in another side of Quahog, Stewie, Rosie and Flare are wandering through the deserted streets of Quahog, in a vain attempt to find Brian and the others.

"Will you admit," Rosie said, rubbing her eyes. "That we're lost?"

"We're not lost!" Stewie shouted, and checked the GPS on his PDA. "I know exactly where Brian lives. Is just this fog that disoriented me a bit."

"You said that twenty minutes ago."

"Stop complaining and be of some help!"

"Don't shout, you may attract some weird creatures," Rosie said, making a shushing motion.

"Oh, come on, which are the chances of-"

But Stewie didn't say anything more. He, as well as Rosie, were paralyzed by horror upon seeing a flock of flying monsters that dived at them.

"RUN!"

…

Meanwhile, inside the Griffin house, three figures were inside, inspecting the whole place, until they found what they were looking for.

"Boy, I can't believe that they fell for it!" Lorraine gushed.

"They fell from where?" Jeanne asked stupidly.

"Finally," said Miriam, looking at the spellbook she was holding between her hands. "Finally this book is on our hands again!"

"I wouldn't think that they'll leave the spellbook here, alone and unguarded," Lorraine commented.

"Because they probably don't think that we're behind the fog and the mosnters' attacks," Miriam said with a wicked grin. "Ladies, time for the second phase of the plan."

* * *

**So, which is Miriam's plan? Will be Matt able to save his family? And will Meg and Chris save Brian and Jillian in time? What about Stewie and Rosie? Will they survive until Peter and Lois find them? And will Peter stick to his word or will end up doing something stupid as usual? Find answer to thses questions in the next part!  
**


	53. The Chaos of Magic, Part II

**Author's note: Phew! After so many times, here is the second (but not last) part of the finale. I'm really sorry for this long delay, but my writer's block, combined with my growing lack of interest in Family Guy, plus other personal issues didn't allow me to complete this chapter as soon as I wanted. Anyway, here is the chapter for you to enjoy:  
**

**Chapter 53: The Chaos of Magic, Part II**

"Hey you monster, leave them alone!" Matt yelled.

The creature, a huge ant-like insect with huge jaws, turned back at Matt, and growled. It opened its jaws, and stood on its hind legs to look bigger and more menacing.

"You don't scare me, creep! Come here and show me what you can do!" Matt challenged.

The giant antlion charged at Matt letting out another roar of fury. Matt was about to block it with a tornado, but didn't react fast enough, and the antlion hit Matt, hurling the black haired teen against a nearby wall.

"Okay, you showed me what you can do..." Matt said as he stood back on its feet.

However, he didn't have time to recover, since the giant antlion attacked again. Before realizing of what was going on, the antlion's huge jaws were closing around him. Matt, however, was able to grab the sharp jaws and push them open. Matt struggled with the jaws for some minutes, until he kicked the antlion on the face several times, forcing it to step back.

"My, where's an exterminator when you need it?" asked Matt desperately. Suddenly, he saw an Exterminator Van parked nearby. "Well, that was convenient."

Matt cast a tornado to push the giant antlion away, so he could reach the van and grab some insecticide in time. However, when he opened the van, there was anything useful to use against the antlion, only a "Out of Business" banner.

"DAMMIT!" Matt yelled.

The antlion attacked again, this time by spitting green vile at him. Matt cast a whirlwind in return to dispel the toxic venom. This time, Matt decided to attack faster, and trapped the antlion inside a powerful tornado. The antlion screeched in anger.

"Haha, got you there, you pestilent bug! No one can beat my-" Matt stopped upon realizing that the antlion wasn't screaming anymore. He stopped the tornado, and saw that there was a huge hole in the ground, and no trace of the antlion. "What? Where did you go?" asked Matt, looking around nervously.

The ground trembled below his feet, and the oversized insect emerged from underground, trapping Matt between its jaws.

Meanwhile, inside the car, Matt's family watched in horror the teen fighting against the giant bug.

"That monster is going to kill my son! We have to do something!" Bruce said in horror.

"But, did you see what he did? He can manipulate wind!" Mrs. Lockhart said astonished.

"There will be time to explain that! Now we have to help my brother!" Sophie urged.

"You knew about this?" Bruce asked his daughter.

"Wait, I think I know how I can help Matt," Mrs. Lockhart stepped out of the car. "Hey, you! The giant bug!"

The antlion looked at Mrs. Lockhart, but didn't release Matt.

"Look at this!" she said while taking off her shirt.

The antlion opened his jaws in awe at the sight of Mrs. Lockhart's epic balloons of glory, staring at them in awe. Matt was also staring at them speechless.

"Matt, now!" Sophie yelled.

Upon hearing Sophie, Matt snapped from his dazed state and prepared to attack the bug, who was slowly walking at Mrs. Lockhart with a perverted look on his face. Matt started to concentrate all his power on his hands, and cast a powerful whirlwind that send the giant antlion far into the sky.

Bruce and Sophie rushed to hug both Matt and Mrs. Lockhart.

"Matt, you saved us! That was incredible! How can you do that?" Bruce asked, flabbergasted.

"There will be time for explanations later. The most important thing is that all of you are harmless. I need to take you to a safe place. I'll tell you about everything on the way."

…

Meanwhile, in another side of Quahog, Meg and Chris just arrived at Jillian's apartment (or better said, the street where Jillian's apartment is), and found Jillian fighting against a trio of werewolves. Kyle and Maya were hiding behind Brian, who was trying to comfort them.

"Come on Chris, it's about time to kick some furry ass!" Meg said.

"Alright!" said Chris, putting the ninja headband on. "I'm going first!"

Chris jumped out of the broomstick, did a few somersaults in mid air that he would be never able to do without the headband and delivered a flying kick...to Brian.

"Ow! What the hell are you doing?" Brian shouted, rubbing the bruise Chris' kick left on his stomach.

"Meg said that I had to kick furry ass!" Chris protested.

"Go and help mom, you fat idiot!" Kyle yelled at him.

"Okay, okay. Geez, you guys are more pissed than a midget with a yo-yo."

**Cutaway**

A midget is trying to play with a yo-yo, but the yo-yo hits the floor before it can go up again. The midget throws the yo-yo in anger through the window. He then switches the TV on.

"And now, we'll show you how playing with a yo-yo is so much fun and everybody can do it!" said a guy on TV.

The midget throws the remote at the TV in anger, breaking it.

**End Cutaway**

"Jillian, they're part animal, can't you tell them to stop?" asked Meg.

"I tried to talk with them, but they don't want to leave!" Jillian whimpered. "They say they want to eat me, then eat Brian after they rape him!"

"Great, simply great..." Brian muttered under his breath.

"Well, nobody is going to be eaten nor raped as long as I'm here!" Meg said, thumping her chest. She formed a fireball between her hands, and tossed it at one of the werewolves, who dodged it.

"Don't let them bite you, or you'll become a werewolf too!" Kyle shouted.

"Ugh, I couldn't stand being so hairy," Maya said in disgust.

The three werewolves charged at the two witches and the fat ninja. One of them leaped at Chris, but Chris roundhoused him in the face, knocking him back. The other two were in the receiving end of a stream of electricity and a beam of golden light that blasted them backwards as well. Meg then used her telekinesis to hurl a sewer lid at one of the werewolves, but he caught it and bent it in half to show his strength. Chris grabbed a trashcan and tossed it at another werewolf, but the beat man simply sliced it in half with its claws, however, Chris dashed at him, and before the creature could react, the blond ninja punched him in the stomach. Unfortunately, another werewolf attacked Chris from behind, and was now struggling with him, trying to to be bitten.

"Hey, some help over here?" Chris asked.

Meg cast a lighting bolt at the werewolf, but also shocked Chris as well. The beast man released Chris, but the boy was now smoking.

"Oops, sorry Chris," Meg said sheepishly.

"That was fun! Do it again!" Chris said happily while clapping.

They resumed the fight. Meanwhile, Brian and his children were watching the scene, thinking in how they could help. Well, Brian and Kyle were thinking that; Maya was wondering if they'll make another Justin Bieber movie soon.

"Hey, why you guys look so gloom?" asked Maya, scratching the back of her head.

"We're trying to figure out a way to help them," Kyle said.

"Well, you're doing nothing," the blond girl replied, and crossed her arms.

"That's because we're thinking in something useful first. You should try to think for once, it's good for your brain," Kyle said in a mocking tone.

"Hey, take that back!" Maya said in an extremely high pitched tone that made Brian and Kyle to flinch.

"Kids, drop it! This isn't the best moment to have a fraternal fight!" Brian intervened. "Hey, wait a minute, that's it! Wolves, like dogs, have a very heightened sense of hearing. Maya, you have to scream again."

"But...I don't feel like screaming," said Maya.

"Think in something sad, like world hunger, wars, the fact that gays still can't marry on 48 states..." Brian said.

"No dad, you're doing it wrong," Kyle said with a tsk-tsk. "Maya, they're going to eliminate Disney Channel."

"WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT?" Maya said in horror. Brian and Kyle covered their ears, and the werewolves flinched and howled in pain.

"It's working! Keep going!" said Brian.

"And not just Disney Channel, but Nickelodeon as well!" said Kyle in delight.

"WHAT? No, they can't do that, now that they were finally going to air new Winx Club episodes!" Maya said, and started to cry loudly.

The werewolves continued howling in pain while covering their ears.

"Guys, this is your chance!" Brian yelled.

Meg nodded, and she and Jillian cast a beam of pink and golden energy respectively, that wrapped around each other forming a single beam that blasted the three werewolves away.

"Yes, you did it!" Brian rushed to hug his wife, but saw that she was crying. "Hey, why are you so sad, Jilly-bean?"

"Because they're going to cancel Disney Channel and Nickelodeon! What I'm going to watch on Saturday morning now?" the blond woman sobbed.

"Oh, don't worry mom, that's not going to happen. It was just a lie so Mayan would scream," said Kyle.

"Really?" Jillian and Maya beamed in joy.

"Okay, now that you guys are safe and sound, we should return with the others," Meg said.

…

Meanwhile, in yet another side of the city, Stewie, Rosie and Flare looked in horror at the flock of winged creatures with just one eye and a wide mouth full of sharp teeth that were flying around them.

"Please don't eat me! I have a family to support!" Stewie begged.

"What? That's not true!" Rosie said in indignation.

"A family of spiders," said Stewie. "They're on a box in my room. I caught them yesterday."

"I see. Anyway, this is so unlike you Stewie! I can't believe that you're begging for your life!"

"Hey, that's true...that's something only the lowest of scum, the dirtiest of cowards would do! Somebody like Brian!" Stewie said with determination. "Come here, you filthy flying rats!"

Stewie pulled out two rayguns and started to shoot at the flying creatures relentlessly. Rosie joined the fight and cast bolts of lightning, while Flare attacked with his fire breath. The winged monsters screamed in anger, but they didn't fly away. In fact, they were even more hell bent on attacking the toddlers and the fire bird. One of the monsters managed to come close to Stewie and bite him in the arm, making him to drop the rayguns.

"AHHH! MY ARM! YOU SON OF A BITCH!" Stewie shouted while hitting the bat-like creature with his other arm.

Rosie used her telekinesis to lift a trash can and threw it at the winged monster, who released Stewie.

"Are you okay?" asked Rosie, while helping Stewie to stand up.

"Yes, but my right arm hurts as hell! I'm sure they'll have to amputate it! I'll be known as Stewie the One Armed!" Stewie whimpered.

"Oh, come on, it doesn't even bleed. You're such a wimp," Rosie said, rolling his eyes.

Flare cawed nervously to advise that the winged monsters were going to attack again.

"We can't beat them. It's about time for a retreat!" Rosie said while summoning her broomstick and flying away. Flare picked Stewie, tossed it to his back and followed his master.

As they flew through Quahog chased by the unnamed flying beasts, they saw that the two was filled with monsters attacking people, but they had no time to help them either. While doing so, Stewie pulled yet another raygun and started to shoot at their chasers. Rosie also started to cast electric bolts at them. They were able to take down almost half the flying creatures, but that didn't dissuade the remaining others to leave them alone.

"Is there anything that can stop those creatures for good?" asked Stewie, still firing.

"On second thought, going on or own to save the others wasn't such a good idea," Rosie said, shaking her head.

Stewie slowly turned his head at her. "YOU DON'T SAY?" Stewie said, opening his eyes full.

"Geez, there's no need to be sarcastic or using internet memes," Rosie replied.

Suddenly, the flying monsters were engulfed by a twister of water. When the twister of water disappeared, the winged creatures were still there, but were almost drowned.

"You leave my babies alone!" yelled a known voice.

Stewie and Rosie looked upwards, and saw Lois on her flying broomstick, along with Peter, dressed as a ninja.

"Look, is Lois and the Fatman! This may look terribly ironic, but I'm so happy to see them! Even happier than a midget who finally knows how to use a yo-yo properly."

**Cutaway**

The midget from the previous cutaway is playing with a yoyo, but this time he's on top of a table, so now the yo-yo doesn't hit the ground.

"Yes! Yes! I finally got it!" The midget cheered in joy.

However, he made the yo-yo's string to accidentally wrap around his legs, making him to lose control, fall from the table and break his neck from the fall.

Moral of the story: YO-YOS ARE EVIL!

**End Cutaway**

Before the unnamed flying monsters could stand up, Peter jumped from the broomstick, holding a katana blade, and sliced them to pieces. The creatures turned into ashes, which were carried away by the wind.

"Stewie, Rosie!" Lois said, happy to finally find her son and granddaughter. "What the hell where you thinking? To run away alone with the town is filled with monsters!"

"We weren't alone grandma. Flare watched over us," Rosie said, and Flare cawed proudly.

"Come on Lois, leave the nagging for later. We have to go back," Peter said.

They all flied away, and headed to the Griffin house.

Later, when everybody was safe, they all gathered inside the Griffin's house. Matt finally told his family about the Spellbook, Meg, Rosie's powers, Miriam and her sisters, and all the chaos and madness that was going on. However, soon they'll find that something horrible had happened.

"Oh my god! There aren't any nachos left!" Peter said in horror.

Ugh, I wasn't talking about that.

"Oh no! The Spellbook! It's gone!" Meg said in panic.

"What? You leave the book here, unguarded?" asked Daphne in shock.

"Well, it's been a while since anybody tried to steal it since that was getting really old, and there were these monsters attacking the town and Rosie and Stewie going missing..." Meg tried to apologize.

Meanwhile, not too far from there, Miriam and her sisters are about to provoke one of the greatest catastrophes Quahog ever lived. They were now in front of the huge gate Sophie tried to open several chapters ago (when she was crazy and evil, remember? No? Nevermind...).

"Come on sisters, focus! Our triumph is near!" Miriam roushed her sisters.

The three wicked witches used all the power in a single spell that opened the gate. A wave of magical energy came from inside the gates, and crossed Quahog, changing its inhabitants in ways that no one could imagine.

Back at the Griffin house, Daphne sensed that something terrible was about to happen as she felt the wave of magic quickly approaching.

"Hey, do you sense that?" Daphne said in alert. "We're in danger! Meg, Lois, I need you to help me to cast a shield around the house!"

"What's going on?" Lois asked.

"There's no time for explainations! Just do as I say!" Daphne shouted.

Lois and Meg nodded in agreement, and aided Daphne into surrounding the house with an anti-magic barrier, and waited until the wave passed. They spent like that several minutes.

"You know, you could tell us..." Meg began.

"I said there's no time to explain!"Daphne hollered. "Now keep the barrier up while I play Angry Birds on my cell phone."

Finally, the wave of magic passed the Griffin household, but nobody inside felt the effects of it thanks to Daphne's barrier.

"Okay, it passed. We're safe...for the moment."

"What was that?" Rosie asked.

"A wave of magical energy. That can only mean one thing..."

"That they're going to uncancel The War at Home?" Peter asked.

"I wish it was that," Daphne sighed. "No, that means that the gate Sophie tried to open some weeks ago it has been opened, probably by Miriam and her sisters."

"What? But...why? What are they looking for?" Lois asked.

"I don't know exactly, but when I was a witch apprentice many years ago, I heard that behind those gates lied a great power. My guess is that she's after that power."

"You don't say?" Stewie said sarcastically.

"So, what are we going to do now?" Matt asked.

"We have to track the dimensional portal that Miriam opened, go through it, anf find Miriam before it's too late," Daphne explained.

"What are we waiting for then? Let's go!" Meg said.

"Brian, stay here with Bruce and Lana and take care of the babies," Lois said before leaving.

"Hey, why I can't go with you?" Brian asked in indignation.

"Because you're the only one without powers, and there's no time to empower you," Meg explained.

"Besides, you already hog enough screentime already," Chris said before blowing a raspberry.

"Man, this sucks more than that barbeque with the Fantastic Four."

**Flashback**

The Griffins are having a barbeque with the Fantastic Four.

"It isn't great? Thanks to the Human Torch, we don't need a grill nor buy coal for the barbecue!" Peter gushed.

"Uh, I wouldn't be so happy," Mr. Fantastic said.

"Nonsene," Peter said. "Now let's have some burger."

The Human Torch was floating in horizontal position, with his legs crossed, sporting a seductive smile, There were several burgers frying on his chest.

"Come on big man, come and get them," the Human Torch said in a seductive tone.

"You know, I don't think I will be able to eat meat again," Peter said, deadpan.

**End Flashbacks**

When all the Griffin-Kennedy family (minus Brian and the kids) were outside, they were stunned by a surreal image: all the inhabitants of Quahog were fighting each other in brutal fashion, displaying a wide array of various superpowers.

"What the hell is this? Everybody has powers!" Lois said in shock.

"Daphne, does the wave of magic energy from some moments ago have something to do with it?" asked Meg.

"Possibly," Daphne pondered, tapping her chin. She then looked at the camera and stated: "Which is NOT copied from the Simpson comic book where everybody in Springflied sans Bart superpowers."

"Hey, hey hey hey hey, time out!" Peter said. "That wave gave everybody superpowers, and you just blocked it for us?"

"We already have powers," Meg interjected.

"Speak for yourself! I don't have powers!"

"You have the ninja headband."

"It's not the same as having powers! If I lose the headband, I lose my powers. It's like having a fake penis, it's not the same as having a real one."

"Enough!" Lois yell, startling both her husband and daughter. "Peter, there's no time for complaining! Besides, look what the wave affected to the rest of the people! They may have powers, but they became insane with them!"

"This is going to make harder reaching the dimensional portal," Meg sighed.

"You don't say!" Chris asked sarcastically.

"Ugh, why everybody has thee need to say that?" asked Meg in exasperation.

"Well, stop stating the obvious, then," Chris replied.

"Come on, we lost enough time, let's find that dimensional portal!" Lois said.

"We should split into groups so we cover more ground," Daphne said. "Meg, you go with Matt and Lois with Peter. I'll take Jillian and Chris with me."

"Heh, you took all the brainpower with you," Matt chuckled.

"Of course she did!" Jillian stated proudly.

The three times took separate ways in order to look for the dimensional portal

…

Meg and Matt arrived at downtown Quahog, were an epic battle was taking place. The superpowered and insane Quahog citizens (which were also dressed in superhero costumes) were beating the crap out of each other non stop.

"Hey, you two," a monotone voice said. "You're about to feel the wrath of the Power Playboy."

"Carl?" Meg asked astonished. Carl was wearing a red and brown tight suit that made him look ridiculous.

"Hey, we did no harm to you, why do you want to attack us?" Matt asked.

"Because everybody here is fighting each other, and I want to fight too, but everybody here is too strong for me, except you two."

"Well, if you want to fight us, I'm going to make you regret!" said Meg. "Besides, how do you plan to fight us, by the way?"

"With the power to summon all the hot actresses I dream to bang, but I know I never will," Carl snapped his fingers and summoned Jessica Alba, Megan Fox, Kirsten Stewart and Paris Hilton, all wearing red bikinis.

"Oh...my..." Matt said, drooling at the sight of the scantily clad actresses. Meg elbowed him hard. "Ouch!"

"Matt, focus!"

"Okay, okay!"

"Now, my sexy dream girls, attack!" Carl ordered, and the four summoned actresses charged at Meg and Matt.

Matt then cast a powerful tornado that easily blew the four actresses away. Carl was dumbfounded.

"What? That's it?" the clerk asked.

"Well, they may be really hot and all, but they don't have too much offensive power," Matt explained.

"Well, then I'll summon-"

But Carl was interrupted when Meg cast a lightning bolt at him that electrocuted him and left him all charred.

"That was for how you treated me when I worked at the mini mart, you fat loser!" Meg yelled.

"Guess that exacting revenge on jerks feel good," Matt said.

"I know! I don't know why I didn't do it the moment I got my powers! This feels better than that time Jaime Lanister totally humiliated Ned Stark."

**Cutaway**

Somehwere on King's Landing, Ned Stark approaches Jaime Lannister.

"Hey, Jaime, I heard that your sister can't close her legs," Ned said, smiling.

"Yeah, I heard something similar about your son Bran," Jaime replied.

Ned's smile vanished, while Jaime laughed at him.

**End Cutaway**

Suddenly, Meg and Matt were both blasted away by a purple energy beam. While they recovered, they heard a familiar evil laugh.

"My my, what do we have here? A couple of losers, and excellent opportunity to test my powers!"

"Connie!" Meg said in fury as she saw her school tormentor (at least until Meg got the spellbook) eternal rival floating above her. "If you think you can beat me, you are more empty headed than my dad! I'm more powerful and have more experience with magic!"

"Less talk and more fight, pigface!" Connie yelled while casting another energy beam at Meg.

Meg dodged the attack, but Connie kept firing more beams. Meg cast a protective shield around her that blocked the beams. Meanwhile, she used her telekinesis to lift several trashcans, and tossed them at Connie, but the blond girl burned them with a blaze of purple fire. Connie continued the battle casting waves of dark energy that dispelled Meg's shield. She was about to blast the now vulnerable good witch, but she was blown away by one of Matt's tornadoes.

"You know, I thought that I would feel like a jerk for hurting a girl," Matt commented. "But I actually feel kinda good! Guess that since I know her I always wanted to give that bitch what she deserved."

"Ugh..." Connie groaned as she stood up. "Do you think that's enough to take me down?"

"Honestly, yes. You doesn't look to be that athletic," Matt said with a shrug.

"Oh, you're so going to pay for that, loser!"

"For what: blowing you away or remarking that you're not too strong?" Matt asked.

"FOR NEITHER!" Connie screamed. "Wait, I mean for both!"

Connie summoned several purple energy orbs and tossed them at Meg and Matt. Meg cast several fireballs, and the two attacks clashed, creating a huge explosion. Matt cast several cyclones around Connie, but she vanished leaving a trail of purple mist.

"She's stronger than I expected," Matt said, gasping for air. "I thought that we'll have the advantage due to our experience and the fact that it's two on one."

"Oh, that bitch will fall, trust me. I'll distract her, then you blow her away," Meg said.

"Okay. How do we do it?"

"Leave it to me," Meg said, smiling confidently. "Oh my god! Somebody is giving away boxsets of every season of Glee!"

"WHO! WHERE? I WANT THEM!" Connie screamed as she appeared in the middle of the street.

But there was no DVDs for her, only a tornado from Matt and a lightning bolt from Meg, which blasted her unconscious.

"Well, that was both fun and satisfying," Meg said with a wide smile. "Shall we continue looking for the dimensional rift?"

Matt nodded in agreement, and he and his wife continued the search through the chaotic city.

…

At that moment, at another side of Quahog, Daphne, Chris and Jillian arrived at a street also full of superpowered Quahog citizens that were also beating the crap out of each other.

"Uncontrolled magic has turned the inhabitants of Quahog into mad people with nothing but destruction in their minds that will harm and even kill each other if somebody doesn't do anything," Daphne said solemnly. "That's why we have the duty to save these normally good people from themselves and-" Daphne was interrupted when an energy beam hit her. "Oh the hell! Let's kick their asses!"

"Yay!" Chris and Jillian said in unison.

The group split and choose a target. Chris set his sight on some old man who just defeated some random people by turning them into gold. Chris pulled out some shurikens and tossed them at the old man. The man, however, hear Chris, and he turned around and used his powers to erect a golden barrier around him.

"Oh, so a sneak attack, huh? That's something vile and despicable. Just like me!" said the old man, who happened to be Carter Pewterschmidt. He was wearing golden robes, and both his hands glowed with a golden light.

"Grandpa?"

"I'm not your grandpa, fat kid! If you were my grandson, then that would mean that my daughter married some fat idiot like you, which is something I'd never allowed!" said Carter. "Now let's make you a little prettier!"

Carter began to shoot golden beams that turned anything they hit into gold. Chris hide behind a trash container.

"Damn, if those beams hit me, I'm done. I need to think something," Chris said before trying to figure out a way to defeat his mad and powerful grandfather. "Hey, I know what I can do!"

Chris came out of his hiding place and faced Carter.

"Hey, you old moron! You have worst aim than an Imperial Stormtrooper!"

"Oh, you're so gonna regret that!" Carter yelled as he shot a gold beam at Chris.

The fat ninja tried to deflect the beam with his katana, but it turned into gold.

"Aw man, it worked in Star Wars," Chris moaned.

Suddenly, the now golden katana flew out of Chris' hands and landed on Carter's.

"Hey, what the hell did you do?" Chris asked, perplexed.

"I not only turn everything I touch into gold, but I can control anything made of gold too!" said Carter with a triumphant smirk. "Now, fat kid, get ready for your demise!"

Suddenly, Chris got an idea. He picked a pebble and threw it at Carter, hitting it in the forehead.

"Ow!" Carter said as he rubbed his wound. "What the hell was that?" Then Carter realized in horror that he had touched himself, and was starting to turn into gold. "You damn kid! You threw me that pebble so I'd touch the wound and thus turn myself into gold, didn't you?"

"No, actually, I simply wanted to see if I could defeat you by tossing you a pebble. The fact that you then used your gold-turning powers on yourself was something I didn't expect, but I'm happy that you did. "

"Damn you-!" Carter said before finally turning into a statue of solid gold.

At that very moment, Jillian was fighting Doctor Hartman, who, like everybody else, was charged with magic energy. He summoned a bunch of flying syringes and threw them at Jillian. The blonde witch created an energy bubble to protect herself, and counterattacked with a volley of star-shaped yellow missiles. The doctor dodged the attack, and summoned a giant scalpel.

"It's about time for some plastic surgery! That face needs some serious rearragement!" Dr. Hartman said.

"Excuse me?" Jillian asked, puzzled as she scratched the back of her head.

"I just called you ugly, even if you're ungodly hot, but I did it to demoralize and hurt you psychologically," Doctor Hartman said, rolling his eyes.

"Hey you called me ugly! Oh, but then you said that I'm pretty, you aren't as mean as I thought," Jillian said. Then the last part of Hartman's statement finally sunk in, and Jillian frowned and said: "Hey, but you said that because you wanted to hurt my feelings! Which is almost as bad as hurting me physically! Or it was the opposite?"

"Don't care!" Dr. Hartman said as he charged with the giant scalpel between his two hands. "Now you're going to feel the wrath of my questionable medical skills, you clueless blonde!"

"Oh well, I can be mean too! When I was in high school, I told one of my friends that her boyfriend was going to break up with her!" Jillian said. "But when she was left in tears, I had to tell her the truth, and she didn't talk to me again. Oh, why did I have to be so mean?"

"DIE!"

Jillian simply cast his hand forward, and the mad doctor was stopped. She started to raise her hand slowly, and Doctor Hartman started to elevate as well, as if a thousand of invisible hands were pulling him up.

"Hey, what's going on?" asked Dr. Hartman while he was being lifted by Jillian's telekinesis.

"I don't like mean people! They make others to be mean too! And they are also mean!" said Jillian, as she created an yellow orb of energy on her other hand- "And this is what happens to mean people like you!"

Jillian tossed the energy ball at Doctor Hartman , which exploded in a flare of yellow light, blasting the doctor into the horizon.

"That's for that fake cancer diagnosis when I was pregnant!" Jillian said in triumph. "Oh, he didn't hear it. Guess that I should have said that before blasting him azway."

"Jillian!" Chris called her. "Are you okay?"

Jillian turned at Chris, and stared at him puzzled.

"Excuse me? Do I know you?" The blonde girl asked.

"I'm Chris griffin."

Jillian just stared at him.

"Peter and Lois' son."

Jillian just kept staring.

"Meg's little brother?"

"Ah! Meg's little brother!" Jillian said in realization.

"Oh god, is there any more humiliating than being known as 'Meg's brother'?" Chris muttered.

"No wait, Meg's little brother is that baby with the football shaped head who talks funny," said Jillian. "And if you were related to Meg, I'd have seen you all the times I went to the Griffin's house, but you were never there."

"Yeah, I've been a little absent as for lately, doing some personal stuff."

"Like what?"

"Well, I've been-"

Suddenly Chris and Jillian were under a shower of knifes. Jillian managed to block them with another shield. In front of them was Angela, Peter's boss, dressed in a silver jumpsuit, and wearing gloves ended on razor sharp blades.

"Excellent! Two more victims!" Angela exclaimed. "I hope you are a better challenges than the weaklings I faced before!"

"Hey, I'm not a weakling!" Jake Tucker said offscreen.

"Oh shut up! Your power is just to turn around your face, kid!" Angela shouted at Jake. Then she turned at Chris and Jillian. "So, what I was saying? Oh yes, DIE!"

Angela summoned several knives that dived at Chris and Jillian. Chris tossed several shurikens and blocked the knives, while Jillian cast several energy beams. Angela however proved to be surprisingly agile as she dodged them all, and jumped in front of Chris, and attacked the fat ninja with her Freddy Krueger-like gloves. Chris pulled out another katana, and fought Angela. After struggling with Angela for a while, Chris threw a smoke bomb and abandoned the fight.

Jillian tried to defeat Angela the same way as she did with Dr. Hartman, but when she lifted Peter's boss with her telekinesis, Angela summoned more flying knives. Jillian had to drop Angela and surround herself with a protective shield. Chris reappeared next to her.

"Boy, she's though as nails," Jillian said, gasping for air.

"I never understood that saying. Nails aren't though," Chris replied.

"I know, right? My nails break all the time when they're too long, and-"

"Watch out!" Chris yelled, pushing Jillian aside, saving her from a shower of knives.

"Well, you certainly have fast reflexes for a fat and slow-looking kid like you," Angela pointed out.

"Oh, my reflexes are pretty much nonexistent due to my overweight and lack of exercise. I got them thanks to my ninja headband," said Chris.

"Well, I think that I'm going to take that headband with me when I kill you!" Angela said menacingly.

But suddenly, a vine whip wrapped around Angela's legs. The vine lifted her in mid air, and slammed her against the pavement several times until she was knocked unconscious. Daphne then walked by.

"Hey, are you two okay? It looked that you needed some help," Daphne said.

"Yeah, I thought that she was going to slice us into tiny bits," Jillian said, wiping the sweat from ther forehead.

"Come on this area is under control let's continue the search," Daphne said, and Chris and Jillian nodded in agreement.

...

Meanwhile, at yet another side of Quahog, Peter and Lois encounter another battle going on.

"Wow, look at this Lois," Peter gushed upon the sight of the superpowered Quahog citizens beating each other up. "This is even better than watching the Avengers movie!"

**(A/N: Nothing is better than the Avengers movie, Peter is just being his moronic self here)**

"Peter, this is not good! They're going to kill each other if we don't do something!" Lois urged.

"Hey you two!" a familiar voice said. "You're under arrest!"

"Joe?" Peter asked after turining around. Joe was now wearing a metallic armor, with several gadgets and weapons attached to it, complete with a helmet that covered his eyes.

"I'm not Joe! I'm the Cyborcop! And now you're under arrest!" Joe continued.

"Under arrest? What I'm being accused of?"

"PISSING ME OFF!" Joe yelled as he shot Peter a rocket from his arm canon, blasting him away.

"AAAAAAAAARGHHH!" Peter screamed as he flied into the sky.

"Oh my god! Peter!" Lois yelled.

"I'm okay! Hey, I can see our house from hereeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee...!"

Furious, Lois turned at Joe. "Okay Joe, you're a friend of the family, but I'm not going to tolerate you acting like this!"

"Shut up! You're under arrest too!"

Joe them summoned several handcuffs that flied at Lois, ready lo immobilize her. Lois repelled them with an energy shield. Joe didn't give up so easily, and unleashed a cluster of rockets. Lois dodged them gracefully, and summoned a giant wave that crashed against the robotic cop. However, the wave also hit several other superpowered people that were fighting among each other. Or they were, before they all turned at Lois.

"Good afternoon, I'm Tom Tucker, and I'm going to obliterate your body with my might mic," Tom Tucker said in his usual tone before raised a giant microphone that cast a destructive soundwave at Lois.

Lois surrounded herself with an energy bubble, but wasn't enough to block the sonic waves, which destroyed the shield and injuried the redheaded witch.

"Ow! My eardrums!" Lois moaned as she covered her ears with her hands.

Tom Tucker was about to attack again, but he was swept away by a tornado of paper sheets.

"Feel the power of Mayor West, Mayor West's superhero persona!" Adam West said in a dramatic way. "Oh dammit, I just revealed my secret identity! Now everybody will know that Mayor West is Mayor West! GAH, I did it again!"

As the fight continued, Lois took the opportunity to sneak away and hide on a dark alley. Suddenly, her cell phone rang. It was Peter.

"Peter, where are you? You need to come back, I can't fight against everybody alone!"

"I'm in the Woods. You must come here! You won't believe what I found! Oh, and tell the others!"

"Peter, I'm-"

An energy wave knocked Lois back, making her to drop the cell phone.

"You're soon going to be death,"a mysterious voice said as a threatening looking person emerged from the shadows. "Since I bring doom and pain to all who face me..."

…

Back at the Griffin house, the five children plus Brian were at Stewie's room. The genius toddler pressed a secret button, and a wall turned around, revealing a control panel with dozens of buttons and levers, and several screens that showed different parts of Quahog. In all of them people beating each other out could be seen.

"Aw man, look at this," Stewie said. "All this senseless chaos and destruction, and I'm here doing nothing! Like a dream come true, but I can't enjoy it!"

"Well, it's better if we stay here and let mom and the others to take care of it," Rosie reasoned. "The last time we tried to do something on our own, we almost became the dinner of some flying monsters. Thanks god that grandma and grandpa rescued us."

"To think that we were going to rescue Brian..."

"Speaking of irony," Kyle interjected.

"Shut up, Brian Junior!" Stewie harshly replied.

Sophie started to look at the many screens. "So, why do you need to monitor every Quahog?"

"He's a paranoid control freak," Brian answered. "Don't try to find the logic behind it."

"Shut up! It comes in handy many times..."

**Flashback**

Stewie is looking at the screens, when he sees something that catches his interest.

"What is this? Buy one pizza at Domino's and get one free? Promotion expires tonight! Well, I better get a pizza before it does!"

**End Flashback**

"This is boring, can I watch Disney Channel on this thing?" Maya said as she started to meddle with the controls. The screens started to change and show other parts of Quahog.

"Stop doing that Barbie! You're going to break it!" Stewie said, pushing Maya away of the panel.

"Hey, waht's that?" asked Rosie, pointing at one of the screens.

"Hey, it's Lois!" said Kyle. "What is she doing?"

"She's in danger!" Brian said in horror. "Why the hell nobody is helping her?"

"Maybe they're busy," Sophie said with a shrug.

"We have to do something!" Rosie said, and turned to Stewie. "Come on Stewie, I'm sure that you have something that we can use."

"Like what? It's not that I have a giant robot hidden on an underground lair below the backyard!" Everybody stared at him. "...okay, maybe I have one. But why I'm going to use it to save that bitch?"

Rosie's eyes glowed blue, and Stewie was suddenly hurled back against a wall.

"Is that a good reason, or do I need to use fire?" Rosie asked.

"Okay okay! Geez, no need to get so violent..." Stewie pulled a remote from his pocket and pressed several buttons. A large hatch in the backyard opens up as the aforementioned robot rises.

"Cool," Kyle gushed at the sight of the robot.

"Now let's kick some asses!"

**So, will Stewie and the others save Lois in time? What is what Peter found? Will our heroes be too late to stop Miriam and her sisters? Find out the next chapter! (Don't forget to review)**


	54. The Chaos of Magic, Part III

**Chapter 54: The Chaos of Magic, Part III**

**Author's note: So, after so much time, here it is: the very last chapter of this story. Sorry it took so long, but I wanted to take some time and upload something good than rushing something half assed. Anyway, hope you enjoy the final confrontation between Meg and her family and Miriam and her sisters.  
**

"You're soon going to be dead,"a mysterious voice said as a threatening looking person emerged from the shadows. "Since I bring doom and pain to all who face me..."

And said person turned out to be...Mort Goldman.

"Mort Goldman?" Lois asked in disbelief. "Mort Goldman! Hehe, oh my god, to think that I was scared of you!" Lois said between laughs.

"Hey, don't laugh, you big nosed dumbass! I have some of the mightiest, deadliest powers you can ever imagine! Behold the destructive power I command!"

Mort Goldman then cast a lightning bolt at the much surprised Lois, who instinctively raised her arms in defense. But before the lightning could strike its target, it felt to the ground.

"Oh magical dysfunction, why do you have to make my life hell all the time?"

"Guess that I shouldn't be surprised," Lois said with a shrug, and prepared to finish the redheaded jew.

However, before Lois could react, a missile fell from the sky over Mort Goldman, obliterating him to ashes. More missiles fell, releasing sleep gas that knocked everybody unconscious, thus stopping the massive fight. Seconds later, a giant robot landed in front of Lois. The cockpit opened, revealing Brian and the five kids.

"You know, even I've killed dozens of people before, I can't help but feel bad when I kill a jew," Stewie casually commented. "It makes me feel bad even if they aren't different from the rest of people, like I'm crossing a line."

"If it makes you feel better, think that you just freed the jewish community from one of its worst stereotypes," Sophie said.

"By the way, why did you killed Mort, but simply sprayed everybody else with sleep gas?" Maya asked.

"I never liked him. He get on my nerves," Stewie explained.

"Well, you always get on my nerves but I never try to kill you," Kyle interjected.

"Stewie! What are you doing inside that robot?" Lois asked, quite concerned.

"Wait, what was that? 'Thanks for saving me Stewie, you're such a great son?' Oh, you're such an ungrateful bitch! After this mess is over, you're dead! Do you hear me woman? DEAD!"

Brian climbed down the robot to meet Lois.

"Brian! Where did you get this huge robot? And why was Stewie piloting it?" Lois asked in disbelief.

"Uh...it's a long story. We thought that you were in danger, and thus we came here to help you. Are you okay?" the dog said.

"Yes. It was a good thing that you appeared. Although there was no need to kill Mort."

"Readers seems to disagree."

"What?"

"Nevermind," Brian quickly said. "So, did you find anything useful?" Lois shook her head in response. "Hey, where's Peter? I thought he was with you. Wait, don't tell me he got killed!"

"No, no. He's in the woods," Lois replied. When Brian stared at her puzzled, she added: "Don't ask. Anyway, he called me and told me he found something incredible. I don't know what it is, but it may be the dimensional gate we have been looking for."

"Knowing Peter, he may saw a plant that looks like a penis," Brian said dryly.

"Please, don't be so hasty to judge Peter. Let's gather the others and go to the woods, it may be something important," Lois said.

Moments later, Griffins and Kennedys were at the woods to see Peter's discovery. Aside from them, there was also Nathalie, Meg's friend.

"Hey, what is she doing here?" Chris asked.

"We saw her fighting against some monsters, and rescued her," Meg explained.

"The whole town had gone crazy! It was a good thing that you guys appeared," Nathalie said.

"Hey, how is that she hasn't been affected by that wave of energy?" Lois asked.

"Jillian asked me to place a magic barrier around her apartment to protect her children from any magical threat. It's obvious that it protected Nat as well," Daphne explained.

"So, you're still living with Jillian? I thought that you moved after she and Brian married," Matt asked.

"Yes, but I'm looking for a new place to live. My waitress salary leave me with very little options, since nobody rents as cheap as Jillian did," Nathalie answered.

"Okay, I think that we're digressing from the important stuff. So dad, mom told us that you found something," Meg said.

"Yeah, look!" Peter said with a wide smiling as he pointed at something everybody else failed to see.

"I can't see anything," Matt said.

"That flower over there! It looks like a vagina!" Peter said, gligling idiotically. Everybody groaned in disgust.

"You were right Lois, it wasn't a plant that looked like a penis," Brian said dryly.

"Ugh, the fatman can be more infuriating that Edward Scissorhands playing rock-paper-scissors,"

**Cutaway**

Edward Scissorhands is playing rock-paper-scissors with some random guy.

"Rock-paper-scissors!" both of the said as they revelaed their choices. Edward had scissors, and the random guy had rock.

"Ha, I win again Ed! Boy, you suck at this game so hard it hurts!"

"Do you know what else hurts? THIS!" Edward said as he chopped an arm to the random guy.

**End Cutaway**

"Peter, there's no time for stupidity! If we don't find that dimensional gate on time will mean the end of the world as we know it!" Daphne shouted, as frustrated as the others.

"Oh, I found the gate too, is there," Peter casually said, pointing to another direction where the gate effectively was.

Everybody stood there, dumfounded.

"Peter," Lois said as she rubbed her eyes. "WHY THE (BLEEP!) YOU DIDN'T TELL US ABOUT THE GATE BEFORE?"

"Because you didn't ask?" Peter replied sarcastically.

"I don't remember any of us asking you for that vagina-shaped plant," Matt said in disgust.

"Oh, burn!" Rosie said. "What the hell, burn literally!" Rosie said as she torched Peter with a small fireball.

"Enough nonsense. It's about time to cross that portal and face Miriam and her sisters. But before we go, somebody should stay and take care of the children, since they will be safer here," Daphne said. "How about you, Nat?"

"Don't you want me to go with you?" Nathalie asked.

"No. It's too dangerous for somebody without magic powers or some sort of special skill, and there's no time to give you powers," Meg said. "I don't want you to take this huge risk. Besides, somebody has to take care of the toddlers, and there's nobody else we can trust."

"I know you go after Miriam, and my dad trained me to hunt witches!"

"I think that you'll be of more use here," Lois said. "Even if Stewie and Rosie had shown great capabilities nobody could think about, I'm not going to risk their lives. Please do this for us Nat."

"Okay..." Nathalie said I resignation. "I'll stay here and be your babysitter. But I expect a compensation when all this craziness is over!" the dirty blonde remarked.

"Thank you Nat!" said Meg before hugging her best friend. Then he turned at Rosie and the other toddlers and said: "This are delicate times, and I want you to be extra nice to Nathalie! And don't get into any trouble!"

"Don't worry mom, we will behave," Rosie said.

"Guess that I'll have to compel or the sea cow offspring over here will hurt me with her cursed powers," Stewie muttered.

They crossed the dimensional gate, and appeared on the magisphere. They were already there before: when Sophie went insane after an infusion of negative magic and tried to open that mysterious gate. Except that this time, the gate was now fully opened.

"Just like I feared, Miriam and her sisters opened the Gates of Chaos, the gates of the core of the magisphere," Daphne said.

"What's Miriam looking for there?" Meg asked.

"I've been investigating this gate since Sophie almost opened it, and I think that I have the answer," Daphne began. "If what the scrolls and books I retrieved say is correct, this gates protect the core of the magisphere."

"The core? What's so important that Miriam wants it?" Meg asked.

"I don't know, but according to my investigation, there was, or is, an crystal which is the source of all magical energy of the planet, which used to be in our dimension. And as you can guess, many people used that item for their own benefit, creating catastrophes, death and destruction. To prevent more people to use the crystal to cause mayhem, the greatest wizard ever, who was known as Merlin, took it and sealed it away, along with all the magical creatures it spawned, into this dimension."

"And now Miriam wants it," Lois deduced.

"Yes. Shall she succeed, she'll be unstoppable," Daphne said.

"What are we waiting for then? Let's go there and kick those doppelgangers' asses!" Meg said.

They crossed the gates, and found themselves in a new, strange world. It almost looked like earth as if it was never touched by mankind, except that it was inhabited by unknown and weird creatures, there were islands floating in the air, and the sky was bright purple.

"This world...it's almost like looking through the eyes of a stoner," Brian commented.

"Magic energy in this place is so strong and concentrated that reality is completely distorted, to the point that some laws of physics doesn't even apply, " Daphne explained.

"Like in the Mushroom Kingdom?" Chris asked.

"Exactly. Now let's better get going before Miriam and her sisters unleash an even bigger magical catastrophe than the Wizards of Waverly Place," Daphne said, and everybody gasped in horror.

"We have to stop her at any cost!" Meg said, horrified.

"Any clue of where are they?" Lois asked.

Daphne waved her hands, and created between them what it looked to be a compass.

"This compass detects the crystal's energy, so we only need to go to whichever direction it points. Everybody, to the broomsticks!"

Meg, Lois, Jillian and Daphne summoned her broomsticks and set off for Miriam. Meg carried Matt on her broomstick, Lois carried Peter, Jillian carried Brian and Daphne carried Chris.

…

Meanwhile, inside some unknown underground location, Miriam and her sisters are sit down with her eyes closed around a large circular circle with runes carved on it channeling a spell, until Lorraine snaps and opens her eyes.

"Lorraine? What's going on?" Miriam asked.

"The Griffins followed us. I can sense them. They're coming here, fast." Lorraine replied.

"It seems that those Griffins don't get a hint," Miriam said. "Anyway, I'll get rid of them. You two continue with the spell."

"Um, which spell?" Jeanne asked.

"You know, the spell to summon the Chaos Crystal? That will make us powerful beyond comprehension?"

"Oh, that? I was thinking how cool would be to have an unicorn," Jeanne said, then she gasped in realization and asked: "Hey sis, when we're done with this, can I have an unicorn?"

"Ugh, we need to find you a new body..." Miriam said shaking her head.

…

Meanwhile, back in the sky, the four witches and their male companions still fly looking for Miriam.

"I sense a strong energy ahead of us! I think we're close to Miriam!" Meg said.

"I'm closer than you think, pest!" Miriam's voice said.

"Huh?"

Suddenly, Miriam's head formed from a large cloud.

"You Griffins have been a thorn in my side since the very day I was revived, but following me here will be your last mistake!" Miriam said in a threatening tone.

"Do you think you scare me? I made far worse mistakes than coming here," Peter said.

**Flashback**

Brian is in the living room watching TV when Peter comes in holding his cell phone.

"Hey Brian, check this out! I downloaded an app that tells you the day you will die!" Peter said.

"Really? Have you tried it?" Brian asked.

"Yeah and it says that my death will be...today?" Peter asked in shock.

"Hey Peter, don't believe in that crap. Nobody can say the day we will die and-"

"You think so?" the cellphone said as he pulled a gun and shot Peter in the chest. "See? He died today, just like my app said!"

**End Flashback**

"Maybe you'll be scared after THIS!" Miriam shouted.

Suddenly, a strong wind began to blow, which made far more difficult for the four witches to fly. A heavy rain started to pour and lightnings flashed the sky.

"A little storm won't stop us! Right?" Meg asked.

"NOOOOOOOOOO! This storm is ruining my hair! Sorry, but I can't continue!" Jillian cried as she attempted to turn back.

"Jillian, no! You have to be strong and continue!" Brian said, trying to encourage his girlfriend.

"But my hair-"

"Jillian, do this and when we return to Quahog, I'll buy you...uh...a bag of gummi bears!" Brian said.

"Really? Ow Brian, you always know how to make a girl happy. Alright, I'll cry for my hair later, let's go!"

Lois was also having troubles. Between the powerful winds and Peter's massive weight, she couldn't go as fast as the others.

"Hey, wait for us! Don't leave me behind!" Lois shouted.

"Daphne, my parents are having some trouble!" Meg said.

"Yeah, I got a wide load right here too," Daphne commented.

"Really? Where's the wide load? There's only you and me here!" Chris said. Daphne rolled her eyes.

"Maybe I can be of some help here," Matt said as he extended his arms open and closed his eyes.

A small current of wind began to blow from Matt's body, forming a little cyclone. The cyclone started to expand and expand until it held everybody inside. However, the cyclone also countered the gale force winds and protected the others from the cold rain.

"Great job, Matthew! Continue doing that!" Daphne encouraged.

"I don't think I can keep doing this for any longer!" Matt shouted as he tried to keep the cyclone active.

"It won't be necessary anymore! Miriam is there!" Daphne said, pointing forward.

Everybody saw a large mountain in front of them. There were two small caves and a big one below the other two on the visible face of the mountain, almost looking like the mountain had a face.

"Come on, let's go inside!" said Daphne.

"God, I don't want to know how's the exit of the mountain," Brian said in disgust.

They managed to enter in the mountain, and now they were safe from the outside storm.

"Alright, we're here. Now we only need to follow the compass to find Miriam. Hopefully she wouldn't found the crystal yet," Daphne said as she pulled out the compass again. "Damn, it's too dark. Some light, please?"

Meg summoned a fireball, and Jillian a ball of golden light, which were more than enough to illuminate the instance.

"Alright, follow me," Daphne said as he opened the march.

Meanwhile, back in the deepest part of the mountain, Miriam and her sisters are watching the Griffins on a crystal ball.

"Guess that those Griffins escaped from you again. Are you losing your touch, sis?" Lorraine mocked.

"Oh really? Well, let's see you doing better!" Miriam said, visibly pissed.

"Well, maybe I'll do it!" Lorraine replied.

"Alright!"

"Fine!"

"Perfect!"

"Hey, sisters, can you-" Jeanne was about to ask.

"SHUT UP, MORON!" Miriam and Lorraine yelled in unison. "Alright, time to showhow Griffin-killing is done..." Lorraine said as she prepared her next move.

…

Meanwhile, still in the mountain but several levels above. The Griffins, Matt, Jillian and Daphne continued their descent. Suddenly, everything began to shake.

"An earthquake!" Brian said in shock.

"Thanks for pointing it out, Brian. We would never guessed that without your help," Peter said, deadpan.

"Hey, there's no need to be sarcastic," Brian said a bit annoyed.

"There's always need to be sarcastic," Peter said.

"Not now!" Lois said as she grabbed Peter's hand and run away with the rest of the group.

Large boulders and razor sharp stalactites fell from above, but the group managed to avoid them all in their frenzy escape. As if the falling rocks weren't enough, the floor collapsed below their feet, and they fell to their deaths.

"Aw man, we're going to die!" Peter cried.

"Who's pointing the obvious now?" Brian

"Will you two stop arguing!?" an angry Lois said. She then turned to Meg and said: "What are we going to do?"

"Let me try something!" Meg said as she closed her eyes and concentrated.

Suddenly, a pink beam of light appeared from nowhere, spinning around the group until it formed a pink energy bubble that surrounded everybody. The bubble stopped the fall slowly, and the group managed to land relatively safe.

"Good job, Meg," Matt said as he hugged her.

"With that fall, I guess that we're much closer to Miriam now," Daphne said. "Come on, just a little more!"

…

And again at Miriam's location, the three french witches were still watching the crystal ball.

"Guess that you failed too, sister. It was obvious that you couldn't succeed where even I failed," Miriam said in a haughty tone. Lorraine glared at her coldly. "Don't give me that look. Thanks to your seismic crap, the Griffins will be here at any moment."

"Then I put a trap for them," Jeanne suggested.

Miriam and Lorraine looked at her, then at each other, then at Jeanne again and burst into laughter.

"What do you find so funny? I will put a trap and finish those Griffins for good!"

Miriam and Lorraine laughed even harder.

…

Just as Miriam said, the Griffins were pretty close to the three witches' location. They were actually near the end of a tunnel that lead to a large cave. Daphne wasn't using the magic compass anymore.

"I think I'm sensing something. It's Lorraine!" said Lois.

"Yeah, I sense Miriam too," Meg said. "That direction. We're almost there!"

"Yes, nothing can't stop us now!" Matt said.

However, the moment they exited the tunnel, a steel cage fell from the above, trapping the group of eight inside.

"What the deuce?" Chris asked.

"We're trapped in a simple cage!" Jillian said in panic. "What kind of diabolical mastermind could come up with such a twisted and clever trap?"

"Yay, it worked!" Jeanne cheered happily.

"A cage? That was your trap, sister? A simple cage?" Miriam said as she glared at her younger sister coldly.

"It's not a simple cage!" Jeanne protested. "It's made of an near-indestructible metal, and it has an enchantment that prevents the use of magic from the inside! There's no way they can escape!"

"Hey, the door is open!" Chris said as he opened the door and left the cage.

"...I knew I forget about something," Jeanne said sheepishly.

However, Miriam used her telekinesis pushed Chris back into the cage, and locked the door closed.

"Ugh, I have to do everything myself!" Miriam complained. "Still, it was a better than Lorraine's avalanche."

"Yay!" Jeanne said happily as Lorraine snorted a profanity.

"I told you that coming here will be your last mistake," Miriam said the her prisoners. "But you know what? I'm happy that we didn't kill you before. That way, you can witness how my sisters and myself unearth the greatest source of power of this planet. Soon we will be able to break this seal, and no force in the world will stop us!"

"Miriam, at first thought that you were crazy," Daphne said sternly. "But now I'm pretty sure that you're the craziest person I've ever meet. You're toying with forces you cannot understand."

Miriam smirked, and ignored Daphne's last comment. "You should have stayed with your plants, nature witch. This is too big for you and your loser apprentices. By the way, I saw that those pesky kids aren't here. Did you left them in Quahog? Probably for the best. But it doesn't matter. Soon nobody in this world will be able to escape our wrath!"

"I don't think so!" a female voice said.

Suddenly, a shadowy figure out of nowhere kicked Miriam in the face, hurling her backwards.

"Missed me?" Nathalie said with a smirk.

Nathalie was wearing a black catsuit, and holding a metallic battlestaff in her hands.

"Nathalie! How did you get here?" Meg asked.

"Oh, somebody brought me," Nathalie said just before a large robot broke through the cave's roof. It was the same robot Stewie had used to kill Mort, and as expected the five kids minus Rosie were inside it's cockpit. Rosie came behind it, riding on Flare's back. Her eyes glowed blue, and the cage's door opened.

"What are you kids doing here? We told you to stay at Quahog!" Lois said.

"Second time I save that bitch, and I get a reprimand instead of gratitude! That's it, I'm going to make her dead to be so slow and painful that she'll be begging for death!" Stewie said.

"Come on guys, you _knew_ we weren't going to stay out of action, and we knew that you'll need us sooner or later," Rosie said. "Right Flare?"

"Alright. Since you saved us, we will forget about it this time," Lois said.

"Surrender Miriam! We outnumber you!" Daphne said.

"Oh, I don't think so. You see, I enlisted an old enemy of yours just in case something like this could happen," Miriam said. "Now show yourself!"

Ernie the giant chicken emerged from the shadows. He glared at Peter, and cracked his knuckles.

"Ha! And oversized chicken against the power of five witches, three ninjas and a giant robot?" Peter laughed. "You're going to need something better!"

Miriam smirked, snapped his fingers and suddenly an army of Ernies filled the cave.

"...okay, I admit that's better," Peter said.

"Army or not, you're not going to win! Your reign of terror ends here, Miriam!" said Meg. "And I personally will end it!"

"Let me help you," Matt said.

"I think I'll deal with Lorraine," Lois said. "I'm tired of her always trying to steal Peter from me!"

"I will fight by your side Lois. You're still not prepared to fight an experienced witch like Lorraine on your own," Daphne said.

"Fine by me."

"That leaves the white haired girl who looks like me to me then," said Jillian with a shrug.

"I will fight her too," Nathalie said. "It's about time to put into practice some of my dad's teachings."

"By the way, Nat, where did you got all that cool stuff?" Meg asked.

"From my dad's secret lair. I already told you, I've been trained to hunt witches since I was able to walk. I know martial arts and how to use many close combat and ranged weapons," Nathalie explained. "And all my life thinking it was useless stuff."

"So, the rest of us will deal with the army of giant chickens," Peter said.

"Yes! I've been waiting so much time to finally kick some ass!" Chris said in delight.

"Nothing bonds a father and a son more than fighting an army of humanoid chickens together," Peter said softly.

"Hey, what I'm supposed to do? I don't have any kind of power of ability!" Brian said.

"Hey Snoopy, there's a spot here with your name on it," Stewie said as he pointed the only empty seat on the robot's cockpit. "Now Rosemary, bring that dog over here."

Rosie quickly teleported Brian inside the robot's cockpit.

"Your constant meddling with my plans ends today! Everybody, attack!" Miriam said.

The army of giant chickens charged against the Griffins, Kennedys, Russells, Daphne, Nathalie and a giant robot piloted by three kids, a puppy and a dog.

Peter and Chris began to fight the army of chickens non stop. It was easy thanks to their ninja abilities. When they landed a fatal blow on one of the chickens, it vanished leaving a small cloud of smoke. Still, it seemed that the clones of Ernie were infinite.

Lois and Daphne got ready to fight Lorraine. Lorraine cast a shower of fire at the two women, but Lois countered it with a large wave of water. Daphne summoned several vine whips that wrapped around Lorraine, but she surrounded herself with fire to burn the plants. Lorraine attacked with a blaze of fire, and Lois cast a powerful stream of cold water. Both attacks clashed, creating a dense cloud of steam. Daphne summoned another vine whip behind Lorraine, which grabbed the french witch by the neck and slammed her against a rock wall.

Meanwhile, Jillian and Nathalie were fighting Jeanne. The white haired which showered them with a rain of razor sharp icicles, but Nathalie broke them all by spinning her staff like an helix. Jillian shoot several golden bolts of energy at Jeanne, who summoned an icy wall to protect herself. Nathalie pulled out a crossbow and shot a bolt at the wall.

"Ha! That toy is no match for my deadly fire powers!" said Jeanne.

"But your powers are ice based and-oh, nevermind, you're going to see lots of fire really soon," Nathalie said.

Suddenly, the bolt stuck in the wall exploded, hurling Jeanne backwards. Jillian took advantage of the moment, and cast a beam of energy at her white haired doppelganger, but Jeanne shattered into lots of ice shards. Suddenly, somebody trapped Jillian and Nathalie inside a block of ice.

"Haha, you fell for it! That was just an ice replica of myself! See how clever that was, huh?" Jeanne boasted proudly.

"Oh no! She turned us into human ice creams!" Jillian cried. "I'm so cold!"

Meanwhile, Brian, Stewie, Maya, Kyle and Sophie were inside the giant robot fighting the horde of Ernies, when Maya saw Jillian and Nathalie inside ice blocks.

"Dad! Mama and Nathalie are having troubles! We have to help them!" Maya said.

"What? Jillian!" Brian said in horror. "Stewie, new target: that white haired harlot!"

"You're the boss," Stewie said with a shrug.

The robot launched several missiles at Jeanne, but the french witch dodged them swiftly. Kyle fire a laser beam at her, but Jeanne avoided it too. Jeanne then used her powers to freeze the robots' legs, rendering it immobile.

"Activate the flamethrower, now!" Stewie yelled.

"Right now!" Sophie replied.

Sophie activated the robot's flamethrower arm and used it to melt the ice from the legs. Sophie also tried to torch Jeanne, but the white haired witch froze the flamethrower, then the legs again, and finally the whole robot minus the cockpit.

"Damn! All the systems are off!" Stewie said as he tried to break the robot free from its icy prison.

"Yes! I knew if I concentrated I could defeat all of you despite this crummy brain!" Jeanne said triumphant. Then she turned to Jillian and said with a cruel grin. "Those two dogs and the blonde girl are your family, right? Now I want you to watch how I freeze your dear lover and kids to death!" Jeanne said as she began to cover the cockpit in ice.

The four occupants began to scream in terror, while Jillian watched in horror how Brian, Kyle and Maya were slowly covered by ice. Jillian felt angry at the impotence of the situation. Nathalie then nopticed that Jillian started to glow golden. The anger and the strong desire to save her family caused the blonde airhead to released a wave of golden energy in all directions, shattering the block of ice she was stuck in.

"DON'T YOU DARE TO HURT MY FAMILY!" Jillian said in a booming voice, before blasting Jeanne with a nova of golden energy.

With Jeanne defeated, Jillian released Nathalie and the robot from the ice. Brian, Kyle and Maya hugged Jillian in joy. Sophie also hugged Stewie, but he pushed her away in disgust.

The last of the french witches, Miriam, was fighting against Meg and Matt.

"You have no chance agaisnt me, fools! Not as long as I have my spellbook!" Miriam said. The Meg-looking witch opened the book, releasing several purple energy bolts that surged through her body. "Oh yes, I feel INVINCIBLE! Now let me show you the power of a master!"

Miriam summoned several black demon heads that flied at Meg and Matt, trying to bit them and breathing green fire. Matt absorbed all the demon heads inside a tornado, and Meg destroyed them with a fireball. Meg then cast several lightning bolts at Miriam, who caught them with her bare hands and deflected them against a wall. Miriam waved her hands, and used her telekinesis to tear some large rocks from the ground and the walls and tossed them at Meg and Matt. Matt created a huge tornado around himself and Meg to slow the speed of the rocks, and Meg used her own telekinesis to throw the rocks back at Miriam. Miriam destroyed them with a blast of dark energy.

"I can't believe I'm wasting so much time on such a beginner like you!" Miriam shouted.

"I already defeated you many times, so don't flaunt yourself as if you were superior," Meg angrily replied.

Meanwhile, Peter and Chris continued fighting the large army of Ernies, but they started to get tired.

"Man, i'm getting so tired," Peter said, exhausted.

"Yeah, me too," Chris said as he fend off against the many Ernies.

"But you guys have been fighting for less than five minutes!" Rosie said from above. Flare cawed something. "Yeah Flare. They'll have more resistance if they weren't so fat."

"Can you do something to help us?" Chris said, irritated. "It seems that these chickens never end!"

"Okay, let me think...I'm pretty sure that there must be some kind of spell which is constantly replicating the original Ernie, so if I find the original...there it is!"

Rosie and Flare dived the only Ernie who wasn't fighting, just looking in satisfaction at Peter getting his ass kicked. He didn't saw the small phoenix and the girl who tackled him.

"Yes, I can sense it! Now...counterspell!" Rosie said.

Suddenly, all the Ernies disappeared.

The original Ernie pushed Rosie and Flare away, only to see that his army was gone.

"What the hell?" was all Ernie could say before Peter punched him unconscious.

Meanwhile, Meg and Matt were still fighting Miriam when the rest of the family joined them.

"What? You defeated my sisters and my army of giant chickens?"Miriam said shock.

"Yes Miriam. You're alone now. We won. Surrender and we won't be hard on you," Matt said.

"You have won NOTHING!" said Miriam releasing a telekinetic shockwave that hurled everybody backwards. "Ugh, I deserve this for trusting such incompetent fools, but no more! Now sisters, it's about time for you to become useful!"

Miriam levitated the unconscious bodies of her sisters which were turned into pure energy and absorbed into Miriam's body. Miriam's hair grew much longer, her eyes began to glow an intense red, and she was surrounded by an aura of purple flames.

"NOW YOU HAVE NO CHANCE AGAINST ME!" Miriam shouted maniacally.

"You wanna bet?" Meg said as she cast a lightning bolt at Miriam.

However, Miriam easily deflected the electric attack back at Meg with a mere wave of her hand. Peter and Chris tried to dropckick Miriam, but she simply waved her hand again, and used her telekinsesis to slam the two fat guys against a wall.

"YOUR END IS CLOSE! NOW DIE!" Miriam yelled as she opened a black hole over her foes.

The black hole could have sucked them in no time if Daphne hadn't summoned some vine whips that kept everybody stuck to the ground. Nathalie pulled her crossbow again, and fired a bolt at Miriam, who easily stopped it in mid air with her powerful psychic powers, a few centimeters from her face.

"Pathetic..." she said right before the bolt exploded in her face. It didn't harm her significantly, but it broke her concentration and couldn't keep the black hole opened.

"Damn, she's too powerful! What are we going to do now?" Lois said in desperation.

"Listen, she may be more powerful than any of us individually, but she's no match for all of us together! If we join of forces, we can defeat her for good!" Daphne said, trying to encourage her apprentices.

"So, what do we do now?" Jillian asked, confused.

"We attack her with all our power, all at once," Meg said.

"Well said," Daphne replied. "Now, the four of us, blast her into the oblivion!"

Meg, Lois, Jillian and Daphne cast beams of energy of different colors that wrapped around each other forming a beam of pure white energy at Miriam.

"You still think you can defeat me? Let me show you then how hopeless your situation is!" Miriam said before casting a purple energy beam.

Both attacks clashed, and pushed back and forth for some time, until Meg, Lois, Jillian and Daphne's combining attack began to push Miriam's attack back.

"What...what's happening? Where did you get so much power?" Miriam said. There was some panic in her voice.

"You may have become more powerful than us individually, but together we're still stronger!" Meg said. "Come on girls, one last effort!"

Using every ounce of their energy, Meg, Lois, Jillian and Daphne finally overpowered Miriam's attack, and the french witch was destroyed in a huge explosion.

The four witches fell on their knees, completely exhausted.

"Are they dead?" asked Lois.

"I think so..." Daphne said between gasps.

"So...it's finally over..." Meg said in relief.

"Like hell it is!" Miriam's voice said.

Much to everybody's horror, the ghosts of Miriam, Lorraine and Jeanne appeared before them. But they don't looked like Meg, Lois and Jillian anymore, since they regained their original appearance.

"Even if my body has been destroyed, my spirit lives for revenge!" Miriam yelled.

But before she or any of her sisters could do anything, a golden chain appeared from thin air and wrapped around them.

"I'm sorry ladies, but that's not going to happen," Death said as he appeared. "You're coming with me to the afterlife.

"What? No! You can do this! My sould is attached to this world!" Miriam complained.

"Your soul was attached to the spellbook, which has been destroyed," Death said. "Nobody cheats Death forever! Now, let's go!"

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooooo oooooooooo..." Miriam shouted as she and her sisters vanished from this world forever.

"So, this is it," Meg said. "Come on, let's get out of here."

The next day, the entire group was in the Griffin house, talking about the recent events.

"I can't believe that Miriam is gone forever," said Lois. "I thought that she'll come to haunt us forever."

"Yeah, like LeChuck, or Ganon, or the Trix, or Team Rocket," said Matt. "But those villains are permanently defeated at some time or another."

"You know, it was a pity that the spellbook was destroyed," Meg sighed. "I loved being a witch."

Suddenly, Daphne appeared in front of her.

"You can still be a witch, Meg. If you want," Daphne said.

"Really? How?" Meg asked, curious.

Daphne gave her what it looked to be another spellbook, but when Meg opened it, there was nothing written on it.

"What is this?"

"A spellbook."

"But...it's completely blank!"

"I know. You must fill those blank spaces with the spells you learn over your life," Daphne said. "Meg, you've been using the spellbook of an evil witch for far too long. It's about time for you to have your own."

"hey, what about us? We're witches too!" Rosie complained.

"Haha, don't worry, I didn't forget about you," Daphen said as she gave blank spellbooks to Rosie, Lois and Jillian.

"So, what now?" Meg asked.

"Maybe we could see what's on TV," Matt suggested as he turned the TV on.

"_And now we return with Jersey Shore, Take Two!_" the TV announcer said.

"Dad, please, turn that off," Rosie said in disgust.

**The End**

**Epilogue**

After the events of this set of events, the Griffins, Kennedys and Russells continued with their lives. Years passed, and the three families would see a lot of changes in their lives.

Meg and Matt graduated from James Woods High and went to Brown University. Meg studied journalism and Matt studied criminology. While they were absent, Peter and Lois took care of Rosie. Still, Meg and Matt returned to the Griffin House for special events, such as birthdays, Christmas, and of course, summer. Upon finishing college, Meg got a job at Channel 5, and thanks to her hard work and intelligence, she was quickly promoted and after a few years she became the head anchorwoman of the news.

Matt, on the other hand, became a member of the Quahog Police Department. After some years, Meg and Matt used the money they were saving to buy Quagmire's house (who recently moved to California) at a very low price (since all the houses of Spooner Street had drastically reduced their values since Peter moved), and moved there with Rosie and Flare, so they could be independent but still close to their family. Meg and Matt would have three more children, named Scott, Tommy and Lois Junior. All of them were born with magic powers.

Strange as it sounds, Chris managed to go to Brown too, where he and his girlfriend Zoe studied arts. After graduating they moved to Providence, where they work as animators. They don't have any children yet.

Upon learning that Cleveland was going to move out, Brian and Jillian bought his house at a very low price for the same reasons. Brian still works on an editorial, while Jillian opened her own photography studio. They had another daughter named Holly.

So far, only Peter, Lois and Stewie still live in the Griffin house, which used to be the home of seven people and two pets.

Stewie goes to James Woods High School, along with Rosie, Sophie, Kyle and Maya. Stewie and Kyle work together on the school newspaper, Sophie is in the school music band as violinist, Rosie is in the art club, and Maya is the head cheerleader. Stewie is dating Sophie, and Rosie is dating Kyle.

Meg, Lois, Rosie and Jillian continued and completed their training as witches under Daphne's guidance. They learned to use their powers for good and with responsibility (though Jillian still caused some accidents from time to time). Daphne now trains Scott, Tommy and Lois Junior in the magic arts.

**Author's note: That was all folks. I started this story four and a half years ago, and now I can't believe that this story is over now. But like Nelly Furtado said, all good things come to an end, and it was about time for this story to end, since I lost my interest in Family Guy a long time ago, and writing new chapters was becoming increasingly difficult. Should I have finished this story before? I don't know, maybe. Or maybe not. In fact, there was still a couple of ideas I wanted to try, like a chapter focused on Kyle's crush on Rosie. However, I still did almost everything I wanted to do reagrding this story, so no regrets. And I'm done with Family Guy, at least when it comes to fanfiction.**

**Now, I'd like to thank everybody who has supported me and this story with your kind comments and reviews, and of course, thank you for reading. I hope that you enjoyed this story as much as I enjoyed writing it.  
**


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